The cost of life
by Cowoline
Summary: Garret Hawke is heartbroken after losing both his siblings. He finds a ritual to bring Bethany back to life, but does not work quite the way he imagined it, as he by accident summons a young woman from another world. The story is AU, but follows the original storyline. Parring mentioned M!Hawke/Isabela, Hawke/Merrill and Anders/OC. Bioware owns the characters and world.
1. Chapter 1 Regret

Regret

He awoke once again by her crying. She had tried to conceal how much she was hurting, but he knew. He always knew. Despite Garret's careless nature, with his sarcastic remarks and bad jokes, he was very aware of other people's problems and truly wanted to help. Especially, when that person was his mother. She was still missing his father, Malcolm. She wouldn't say anything, but when she thought Garret wouldn't notice she would keep twirling her wedding ring that after six years she still hadn't removed. Garret also knew that Leandra felt responsible for Bethany's death. She had blamed him for Bethany's death at first, as had Carver, and blast it even Garret himself did. And now Carver was gone as well. It had been almost two years since the Deep Roads, but Leandra's pain was still fresh in her mind. And how could he blame her? With Carver in the Wardens he might as well be dead. For once in his life Garret was glad he had listened to good sense and brought Anders along. Anders and Garret Hawke had started on a somewhat rocky path. Garret's ways of dealing with tense and uncomfortable situations were bad jokes. This was **not **appreciated by Anders, for example, when Hawke had called his merging with Justice "creepy". Thankfully it had changed when they found that they both wanted to see mages free from the the last two years they had become good friends and between Anders, Varric and Hawke, they would have the most puzzling or disturbing (depending on your point of view) conversations.

He heard Leandra sob again. He couldn't comfort her. Maker knows he tried, but it didn't help. Nothing did. The loss of the twins had broken her spirits beyond repair. If only Bethany were here. She would know what to do, always so kind, loving and giving. Hawke missed his sweet little sister. No one could replace her... No, but maybe someone or something could bring her back? Hawke smiled at his stroke of brilliance. He had recently gotten hold of some very old and forbidden books on magic. Blood magic to be exact. His father had said that blood magic only led down an evil path and Hawke had blindly followed this advice, but then he met Merrill. She was the sweetest little elf that Hawke had ever seen and so harmless. If she was doing blood magic it couldn't be that bad, now could it? Since then, Hawke had experimented with it much to Anders' and Fenris' anger... anger was not a strong enough word. Especially for Fenris, but after saving him from a slaver ambush and tracking down a woman named Hadrianna, he had been so grateful that he actually considered Hawke a friend. Bad jokes and friendship eventually kept the two from mentioning it. He had been wise enough not to mention the bloodmagic to Sebastian. Hawke didn't mind him, but he needed to take pleasure in life instead wasting it in the Chantry. Another sob from Leandra and Hawke got out of bed. There must be some way of bringing Bethany back and he was going to find it.

-OOO-

After three months of research Hawke finally found something. He had never seen a ritual like it and it was as if didn't belong in this world in the first place. It was a summoning of a demon or a spirit, he couldn't tell, but it was apparently very powerful and supposedly held the power over life and death._"Ha! Screw the Maker! I will spit in his face and take back what belongs to me,"_ Hawke thought to himself as he chuckled. He needed help, however, to do it since two mages were needed for the ritual. Hawke knew exactly who to go to.

Hawke almost ran from Hightown all the way to the alienage because of the excitement he was feeling, with Ziggy, his mabari, right behind him. He had a grin on his face that made people look after him as he walked past them. He couldn't help it. He knew what he was doing was stupid, but for once since his father's death he would do right by his mother. The smile faded slightly when he went past Gamlen's house. Grumpy, old, thieving, snake. Had it not been for his kleptomaniac nature, Hawke would never have had to go to the Deep Roads and, by extension, Carver would still be around. The resentment in his veins felt like poison and it almost made his cheerful nature disappear... almost. "_There is a fire in your heart, child. Don't let it burn out."_ Hawke still smiled at that comment from the old keeper. He finally arrived at Merrill's house and knocked on the door. As she opened the door, her eyes started glowing and a slight blush started on her cheeks. This was why Hawke liked Merrill. Always happy to see you, sweet to everyone and no judgement, just acceptance and kindness. How could you not like her?

"Hawke! I wasn't expecting you. Not that I'm not happy to see you, 'cause I am. I mean... I'm rambling again. Sorry."

"How many times have I told you not to worry about it? I prefer your rambling to brooding any day. Much cuter." He chuckled and Merrill blushed. They stood there for a long moment.

"Merrill?"

"Yes?"

"May I come in?" He winked at her.

"Oh, of course. I'm so sorry. Two years here and I am still a terrible host."

"Hey at least your home is clean. Fenris still has corpses rotting in his hallway and don't even get me started on the smell in Anders' clinic and the Hanged Man." He made a good-natured laugh. Merrill laughed as well.

They sat down and Hawke placed the book on the table and opened it. Merrill looked curiously, but didn't say anything. Those eyes of hers could make him melt in seconds. He was convinced that if she were to smile sweetly and stare at him with those eyes, he would kill every shem in Thedas. Of course she would never ask for such a thing. He regained his composure.

"I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, Merrill," he began, "but I have finally found a way to right one of them. I want to perform this ritual, but you have much more experience than I do."

"Let me have a look."

She read for a little while and her expression became one that was partly confused and partly awestruck.

"Al'genarn... I have never seen anything like this before."

"Do you think we can do it?"

"I would think so... but we need to go to a place where the Veil is thin. Sundermount would do."

"Great, let's go!" Hawke said and got up.

"We can't go alone, Hawke."

"Why not? Only two mages are needed for the ritual."

"Yes, but this ritual is unpredictable. There is a chance that we might summon more than one demon. If things go wrong, we could be..."

"...in serious trouble I get it. Well, Isabella is out of town, Aveline is busy playing mother to the City Guard and Varric is stuck with the Merchants' Guild, still trying to sort out Bartrand's mess. That leaves... shit... Anders and Fenris." Hawke cringed.

"They can't know what we are doing Merrill."

"Alright... but how do we avoid it?"

"I'll think of something and don't worry. If they bother you, I'll make Ziggy eat them." He chuckled and Ziggy gave a happy bark. Merrill, of course gave, a startled look.

"You wouldn't do that would you?"

"Ha ha! Don't worry, she doesn't like human or elf meat... I think. I'll go draft them and see when we can leave."

He got up, took the book and gave Merrill a small kiss on her cheek as he whispered, "thank you". Merrill flushed and started to giggle nervously as he left.

-OOO-

The next day they were finally going to Sundermount. Drafting Anders had been easy enough. There were complications with Fenris, though. Hawke met him in the Chantry courtyard talking to Sebastian. He had asked for his help and Fenris agreed. What didn't go as planned, however, was when Sebastian offered to help. The man insisted on helping Hawke after he had helped him with the mercenaries responsible for murdering his family. Hawke had tried to avoid it since listening to Sebastian sanctifying a religion - that was against Garrett's entire existence - was more than annoying. As a person, however, Hawke didn't mind him so much and found it hard to refuse his help. And he did need it if he should unleash a small army of demons. To convince them to join, Garret had told them that the keeper had been worried about some magical activity at the top of the mountain and had requested their help. Anders seemed suspicious wondering why the Dalish would ask for a human's help, but didn't force the issue. As they approached the graveyard on top of the mountain, Hawke needed to keep the three gentlemen away from the ritual, but close enough so that if there was trouble, Merrill and Hawke wouldn't get eaten. Hawke suggested that they split up into two groups to cover more area. Anders groaned in annoyance when Hawke made him team up with Fenris and Sebastian. Hawke **almost** felt sorry for him.

Merrill and Hawke walked into the graveyard and towards the altar. In front of the altar Hawke took some red lyrium powder and poured it on the ground. He first made a star and around it a circle. He had never seen a symbol like it, but did as the ritual said. Five black candles were placed around the symbol and lit. Then he laid down two gold sovereigns as an offering, this was also confusing to him. At last both he and Merrill cut their palms and placed five drops of blood in each corner of the star. The sixth and final drop was to be made in the middle of it. Hawke joined his bloody hand with Merrill's and looked into her eyes as she smiled.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded nervously. He stroked her cheek with his free hand to comfort her and then they squeezed their palms together releasing a final drop of blood. Their blood intertwined and they could feel their magic combine. When the final drop of blood hit the ground the lyrium started glowing and the flames of the candles intensified. They went out of the circle and Hawke looked in the book. It said something about several worlds that he didn't fully understand, but figured it was referring to the Fade. He recited the incantation.

"Gaily I lived as ease and nature taught,  
And spent my little life without a thought,  
And am amazed that Death, that tyrant grim,  
Should think of me, who never thought of him."[1]

Black clouds seemed to be coming towards them gathering over the mountain. Smoke rose from the ground and the air was sizzling with magic. From the smoke raised something that Hawke had never seen nor heard of. It was a tall man in a long black robe with a hood hiding his face. He had a large pair of black wings and as he breathed the ground became covered in a layer of frost. In his hand, he was holding a scythe.

"Not a good spirit I take it," Hawke said more to himself than anyone else.

"I am the Angel of Death. I am neither good nor evil... I just am as I have always been. What would you have of me?"

"I lost my sister, Bethany. I want her back."

"Aahh yes... such a gentle soul. People never mourn more than when a soul decides to travel again after such a short time. Do you know the repercussions of what you are asking, mortal? There will be a price and that price is not for you to decide."

"My best friend is a dwarf, I **know** things aren't cheap." Hawke gave a cheeky smile.

"Do you understand that what you ask means that I will have to drag her soul cross time and space? Her soul has already travelled beyond and if I return her she will not be the same."

"I don't care. Can we please get this show on the road?"

Death shook his head and made a heavy sigh that had a sound off remorse to it.

"So impulsive... So many lives end so early because of it. Very well I will do as you ask. Stay back, if you please."

Hawke could hardly contain his excitement. In a few moments he would have Bethany back and everything would be better. Death turned away from them and stood in front of the altar, blocking Merrill and Hawke's view. They felt the veil stir and in front of Death something that looked like a giant mirror appeared.

"An Eluvian...?" Merrill whispered.

Death seemed to reach into the mirror and disappeared momentarily. From what Hawke could tell, Death was now holding a person in his arms and wrapped in his cloak. Death carefully placed her on the altar and stroked her hair. For a demon he seemed strangely loving.

"May this path be more loving than your past ones." Death whispered to the girl and then turned around.

"In one year I will collect the universe's payment."

"Two years." Hawke replied without missing a beat.

"Garrett Hawke, I do not haggle!" Death reprimanded like a father scolding his child.

"1½! Final offer." Hawke gave a wink and Death sighed like an old tired man.

"Very well... A year and a half. I hope you will find peace with it and that you will not regret it. Until we meet again."

And then Death and all evidence of the ritual disappeared. Almost instantly Hawke knew something was wrong when he approached the altar he looked at the young woman. She had dark red hair in a shade he had never seen before. She was as tiny as Merrill, but had the womanly figures of a human and her skin was pale. What sort of scam was this? This was not Bethany! And the clothes she was wearing was unlike anything he had ever seen. She was wearing a red shirt of some kind, a black jacket, a pair of blue trousers and some sort of pointy shoes. At that moment, Anders, Fenris and Sebastian came running towards them. Anders looked around and then asked:

"What happened? I felt the Veil stir. Who is that?"

Had Hawke not been in such a state of shock he would have been furious, but instead he did what he always did. He joked.

"Maker, Anders. I know you probably haven't gotten laid in a while, but I thought you at least remembered what a woman looked like," he chuckled.

"It's not funny, Hawke. Something terrible has happened. Is she hurt?"

Anders went towards the altar and looked down at the woman looking for injuries. Fenris got up next to them and looked around the altar as if searching for something.

"No evidence of blood magic." He stated.

"And I can't find any injuries. I think she is just asleep."

Anders and Hawke stood on opposite sides of the altar. She seemed to be dreaming and started smiling in her sleep. Anders thought her very pretty and as she smiled he couldn't help but doing so himself. Hawke however stared at her and turned more pale by the minute. Anders gently tried to wake her and she slowly opened her eyes that were a mixture of green and light brown. Hawke confirmed once more that this was not Bethany, no one in their family had green eyes.

"What happened?" she asked and began to look around. Then her eyes grew wide and she sat up abruptly and jumped of the altar. She backed away from them and seemed angry.

**"Who the hell are you?!"**

-OOO-

She looked so weak. She was pale, had lost all her hair from the chemo and with tubes latched on to her everywhere it looked like something from a bad alien movie. Leila held her mother's hand, knowing that it wouldn't be long now. They had tried every treatment possible. Medicine, different doctors, acupuncture, herbal medicine and healing (with crystals no less). None of it worked. The cancer would disappear and then reappear. This was the second time that she had gotten cancer. The first time was when Leila was ten. Why didn't the treatments work this time? If only she could do something. Leila kept holding her mother's hand and started envisioning a white light forming from her hands and spreading through her mother's body. The light would shine through her mother's skin and remove the cancer from her lungs and heart. How long she sat like the she had no idea, but when the heart monitor stopped beeping and a long sound replaced it, Leila started crying. A nurse appeared in the room only moments later and called the time of death.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I can get the hospital priest if you like someone to talk to?"

"Thank you, but I don't believe in that and neither did she," Leila tried to say politely as she was holding back the tears. She didn't mind people being religious, but it wasn't what she needed.

-OOO-

Three months had passed since the funeral and Leila's father hadn't called once to hear how she was doing. Not that she was surprised or hurt by it, but for some reason his lack of interest in her well-being never seemed to amaze her. He had a life that didn't include her and it hadn't since her mother got sick the first time. Instead Leila had become this uncomfortable reminder for him of a marriage that didn't work and a life that he didn't want in the first place. She didn't hate her father, but he had become insignificant and though she was ashamed to admit it she couldn't care less if he was dead or alive. Everyone else was dead. Her grandparents died from old age long ago. She looked around the apartment and it seemed so empty and cold. Outside the sun was setting. She had a date tonight. A blind one nonetheless that a colleague had arranged for her. It was only a movie and she decided to do something she hadn't done in a while. She packed a bag with her pencils and her art portfolio. Outside the theatre, she sat down and started to draw. She was drawing a phoenix rising from an ocean of fire and was feeling rather happy about how it looked. Actually, she had been so caught up in her own little world that she didn't notice that the movie had started half an hour ago. She took out her phone to look at the time. Her date hadn't showed up and hadn't even called to cancel it. Wonderful... perhaps he had taken one look at her and left. Not an encouraging thought, but she was actually relieved. She **hated** blind dates. Leila hadn't had a boyfriend or been with anyone in two years, because of her mother's sickness. She had a boyfriend at the beginning of illness, but she was so worried about her mother that she didn't do her part in the relationship. She wouldn't answer text messages, stopped answering his calls and was always distant when together. She had just let him drift away slowly and when they broke up there was no feelings to hurt for him or her. She packed her things and got up from the bench. Halfway home she suddenly felt very tired and sat down.

- OOO- Author's note - OOO -

Special thanks to my Beta reader Aelenor. You're a sweetheart:)


	2. Chapter 2 Awakening

**Awakening**

She closed her eyes for what seemed like just a moment and when she awoke two faces where starring down at her. Did she pass out?

"What happened?" She asked and began to look around. Then her eyes grew wide and she sat up abruptly and jumped of the altar. She didn't recognize any of this. She backed away from them.

**"Who the hell are you?!"**

She looked around and saw five people starring back at her. They seemed as confused as she did. What happened? A man in a white armour walked towards her. Was this some publicity thing the theatre was doing?

"Please calm down dear lady. My name is Prince Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven."  
More confused than frightened, Leila was not actually listening to what he was saying she just answered as one normally would when someone was introducing themselves.

"I'm Leila. Where am I?"

"On Sundermount." A blonde man with feathers answered calmly. She started to look around.

"Sundermount? Where is Sundermount? Holy shit I'm on a mountain! What the fuck am I doing on a mountain?!" She looked closely at the people around here who also seemed to become more confused by the moment. The man with the black hair looked absolutely horrified. She looked closely at the woman.

"Are you... an elf? Aren't you supposed to be taller? Never mind... how the hell did I get here? Wherever here is? Wait... I must be dreaming."  
She started by pinching herself but felt the pain. She panicked and sank to her knees, slapping herself as she desperately chanted.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

All the people looked shocked at her and the men all went forward to stop her, while the woman stared incredulously at her. The first to reach her was Sebastian. He bowed down and held her firmly, but gently by the shoulders.

"Please stop hurting yourself. We will help you," his blue eyes full of concern.

"I just want to wake up... I..." She wasn't crying, but shivering uncontrollably and couldn't keep eye contact with anyone.

"Is she ill?" Sebastian asked looking over at his companions, but still holding her gently by her shoulders. The blonde man kneeled down and Sebastian moved away to give him room. He gently lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, but even though he looked at her there was no response.

"I'm Anders. Please, I know it's difficult, but try to keep eye contact." He took off his feathered coat and placed it around her shoulders. She did as he said and looked into his eyes almost pleading, but for what she had no idea. He gently tried to put his arms around her, but she shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry. You are in shock, Lea."

"Leila...," she corrected in a whisper.

"Leila. You are getting cold and I need to get you off the cold ground. I won't hurt you. I promise," he said with a tender smile.

She nodded and he tried to help her up. She had only taken a few steps when she felt her legs going weak. Both Anders and Sebastian caught her and let her to the altar. It was still cold, but at least she was off the ground. The one named Anders started rubbing her arms gently and for some reason she felt her body warming up much quicker than she would have anticipated. It was as if heat was emanating from his hands. Leila became more aware again and now she was determined to get some answers.

"Thank you...," she said first politely and then became much more firm. "Now, would someone, please, tell me how the hell I got here?"

"You don't know?" the woman asked, a little confused.

"Of course she doesn't. Didn't you see what she just did?" the white-haired elf said in a spiteful voice.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Anders asked, still watching her carefully.

"I suddenly got very tired and sat down for a moment. Then it all went black and I heard voices. And I remember seeing someone cloaked... and this is going to sound insane, but it seemed as if he wasn't quite... human."

"You summoned a demon, didn't you, witch?!" the white-haired elf spat at the woman.

"I...

"I did." Leila and the rest of them looked at the black-haired man who for the first time made his presence known. He walked towards her and the man named Anders moved away slightly.

"I have done something terribly stupid and I'm sorry. I summoned the demon that brought you here."

Leila looked at him with disbelief. She had no idea what to believe. These people could be anyone. A cult of some sort, role players who had lost their minds, but they seemed honest.

"Is this for real or are you bloody mental?"

"It is quite real I'm afraid and as for being mental... I'm not sure what that refers to," he said in earnest.

"Blast it, Hawke. What did you do?" Anders asked in annoyance and a little outraged.

"I wanted to fix my mistakes. Surely you of all people should know what that feels like," Hawke spat.

"Please just tell me where I am," Leila pleaded.

"My name is Hawke. I... I believe that you were taken from your own world and placed in ours."

"So I'm on another planet?" she asked carefully.

"Another world, yes."

Okay, this she could possibly work with. She had always believed that there had to be life on other planets. Not that she was an alien fanatic. She just believed there had to me more in the universe than just Earth.

"Alright... and somehow you are responsible for bringing me here?"

"Yes... or the demon is, but I asked him to," he answered a bit shamefully.

"Andraste's flaming knickers! Are you really that big an idiot?!" Anders scolded.

"What did you expect from a blood mage?" the white-haired answered.

"That is a sin in the eyes of the Maker. What could possibly convince you to do such a thing?" Sebastian gave him a look that one would expect from a disappointed father.

"Give me a chance to explain to her, before you three start getting your knickers in a twist!" Hawke snapped. Leila looked at him patiently. What else could she do? Shouting wouldn't help and honestly she was too confused to form a complete sentence.

"Leila... I... I thought I had found a way to get my sister back from the dead. I apparently didn't understand what I was doing..."

"Obviously," the white-haired said in a condescending voice as he crossed his arms. Hawke gave him a grim look and repeated.

"What I was doing. I wanted to get my sister back, but for some reason I brought you here instead. I know you must be frightened and angry. I wouldn't blame you for hating me, but I hope you will believe me that it wasn't my intension to harm you."

The look he gave her almost broke her heart. He seemed almost as distressed as she did. As for his explanation, well, it was as good as any she could come up with at the moment. There was still the possibility that this was all a dream.

"How could you?" Sebastian asked completely mortified.

Hawke became furious. He knew what he had done. He was grateful for their friendship, but he hated the way they, at any opportunity, would hound, not only each other, but also Merrill and even himself. Did they honestly not understand?

"How could I not? What wouldn't you do to get your family back, Sebastian? Or you for Karl, Anders? Or you Fenris, for knowing where your sister is? I know you don't agree with what I did. Void, I don't even myself, but I did it for someone I love and I thought I was only risking myself. Had I known this, I would never have done it. And what difference does it make? I made a mistake and I can't change it!"

The three men looked at Hawke and for a moment, some sort of understanding seemed to pass between them. They knew. Even if they wouldn't admit it to themselves. They had all of them lost family or lovers. They knew regret and they knew the pain of loss. Anders could feel Justice raging, feeling the anger of the assumption that he would deal with demons. They memory of killing Karl and being dragged from his mother in chains, however, calmed him. He would change it if he could and Hawke's pain seemed genuine, much to the healer's surprise. For once, Hawke was dead serious and even remorseful. Hawke turned to face Leila again, fully expecting her to call him maleficar and run off to get the templars. She came from somewhere else, this was clear, but from where? An undiscovered part of Thedas, perhaps? But much to his surprise, she looked at him... with pity?

"I understand... It's alright," she said and gave a sad smile. His jaw must have landed somewhere in the Deep Roads and, from his companions' reactions, they felt the same. How could she be seemingly so calm?

"I am sorry about your sister. I know what it is like to lose someone you love and I would do anything in my power to change it if I could, but... could you please send me back now?" she explained with that same sad smile.

"I... I don't know how, but I will do anything in my power to do it. For the time being, if you want, you can live with me."  
She gave him a distrustful and concerned look as that former calmness dissipated. Anders gave Hawke a stern look and it was only then he realised what it had sounded like.

"No, no, no... you misunderstand. I live with my mother in a fancy mansion. I got servants and everything. You'll have your own room and privacy. I will even provide for you. It's the least I can do," he explained in mortification.

She looked very concerned at first, but then gave him a little smile, though it never reached her eyes. Leila knew she could shout and scream. Vent all the fear and confusion she was feeling. But what good would it do? He clearly didn't do this on purpose and no amount of screaming or anger could change it. It also helped that he seemed... familiar, somehow. It was like she already knew this person.

"Thank you. Do any of you have something to drink?"

Merrill was the first to react and handed her a bottle of water.

"Thank you. If you don't mind me asking, and forgive me if I sound insane, but are you really an elf?"

"Well, yes... Have you never seen one of the people before?"

Leila looked a little uncomfortable. Had she? The ones she knew of were from fairytales, pictures and movies. Descriptions in books and portrayed in ancient songs in an old dialect that could make the meaning difficult to understand. Which raised another question. If this was real ('cause a part of her sanity was still convinced she would wake any moment), perhaps this was not the first time someone had travelled between their worlds?

"I have seen drawings and read literature, but there are no elves on my world. The description was vague at best. I only guessed it because of your ears."

They looked at her with disbelief. Apparently this was as strange for them as it was for her. But Hawke chuckled.

"People only ever notice the ears... unless you are in The Rose, of course."

"The Rose?"

Sebastian interrupted before Hawke would give a very detailed description. The serious Hawke seemed to already be long gone and forgotten somewhere.

"It's a place where women..."

"and occasionally men...," Hawke chimed in with a wicked look.

"...'entertain' people for money." Sebastian became bashful.

"I see." Leila started to chuckle warmly understanding Hawke's joke. She then looked at Hawke.

"I have another question. How did you do it?"

"Do an elf?" Hawke gave a wicked grin.

"Hawke..." Anders warned.

"No, get me here, you arse," she replied with a smile and the male elf chuckled. It was clear that the one named Anders found Hawke's remark inappropriate, but for some reason it was oddly comforting for her.

"I used some ancient magic. I don't understand quite how it works, but I'm going to find out."  
Anders and the elf grunted in unison, clearly not impressed with him. Leila's eyes widened again and gave him a doubtful look. Now she must be dreaming.

"You have got to be kidding me? Magic? You mean like setting things on fire and making it snow at will?"

"Hey, don't make it sound so unimpressive," Hawke faked offense.

"Wait, why does this surprise you so much?" Anders looked at her with a gaze that was... concerned, actually.

"Because where I come from we are told that there is no such thing as magic. Magic is a term we sometimes use for things we don't understand."

"So let me get this straight. There is no magic on your world?"

"No. There are stories. Very old stories, but now there isn't. Perhaps we never learned."

"Magic isn't something you learn. You are born with it." Anders raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps they went extinct, then?" Leila said in wonderment.

"Even better," the elf commented, earning a nasty glare from Anders and Hawke as the female elf shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, we can't stay here all day. Let's get back to Kirkwall," Hawke said nonchalantly.

"Just give me a moment to examine her," Anders said.

"You do that. In the meantime, why don't we make sure there are no spiders up ahead? I'm sure the last thing Leila wants is to be covered in spider blood," Hawke replied, already walking, clearly feeling restless.

"No need to trouble yourselves. The spiders are probably more afraid of me than I am of them," Leila replied, earning an honest laugh from everyone, though she didn't quite understand why. The others walked down the passageway. Anders started looking into her eyes again, making her eyes follow his fingers."A doctor of some sort then?" she thought.

"I'm sorry about Hawke. I know he seems insensitive, but he is just foolish," Anders said with an apologetic smile.

"It's fine. He seems to be good at lifting people's spirits."

"He is... You don't seem cold anymore and you don't have a concussion. I don't know what you have been through so I am going to see if you have any injuries."

His hand started glowing and she looked startled at first. Anders cursed himself. She had just told him that she had never seen magic before. Then, she started smiling, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. She hesitantly raised her hand and carefully touched his. It was like seeing someone touching coals to see if they were still hot. She finally touched his hand and felt a warm tingling sensation and she gave a laugh in amazement that made Anders grin.

"You really have never met a mage before, have you?" he smiled as if he could hardly believe it.

"Nope, but it's a pleasure to meet you," she almost chuckled, earning a laugh from Anders. When he was done examining her, she took off his coatand handed it to him.

"Thank you for lending this to me."

"You're welcome. We better head after the others if we want to get back before dark."

She nodded and jumped off the altar and they started walking. She was relieved and surprised to see her bag on the ground. She picked it up and continued to walk. It was not easy in high heels, but as long as the ground was level, Leila had no trouble. She looked around.

"What is this place?"

"Sundermount. Don't you remember? Perhaps you do have a head injury?" He looked concerned again.

"I remember that. I mean this place. It looks like a cemetery," gesturing all around her.

"Oh... it is. The elves of old used to bury their dead here."

"The carvings are breathtaking." She started to look closely at one of the rocks, running her fingers over the carvings. Anders smiled and thought it a shame Merrill wasn't here. She would have been thrilled to see someone take interest in Dalish history. Leila then gave him a sad smile and walked ahead. "That poor girl... Hawke you are such an idiot!" Anders thought to himself, and Justice agreed. They entered the cave and now Leila started to have trouble with walking. When she twisted her foot slightly, she sighed angrily.

"Screw this! If I step on anything sharp, you can heal me, right?" Not giving him a chance to answer, she held his arm for balance and took off her shoes. Anders starred at them.

"How do you walk in those things?"

"Practice and willpower... And I was planning on going hiking today." She smiled teasingly and it just grew wider when Anders shook his head.  
The others rejoined them, Hawke twirling his staff. "A show off, it seems," Leila smiled to herself.

"Did you eliminate the spider threat?" she said slightly mockingly.

"Yup, all dead and you took off your shoes," Hawke stated.

"Just thought I'd go with the fashion." She smiled and pointed at the elf's feet, earning a smile from everyone. Hawke looked at her. They way she said that, her kindness, even though she had to be terrified, and her politeness. In that moment, she reminded him of Bethany, but she clearly wasn't.

"Now I would like to know your names, if that's alright. You're Hawke, Sebastian and... Anders, was it?"

"Yes," he smiled.

"I'm Merrill and this is Fenris." Merill smiled and Fenris bowed slightly.

"A pleasure to meet both of you... This place is a little creepy. I keep imagining a gorgon will show up and turn me to stone."

"Gorgon?" Merrill asked with interest.

"Medusa? You haven't heard of her?"

"No... never."

"I guess I should be grateful for that then."

"What is a gorg.. mesa..."

"Medusa was a woman from an ancient mythology. The short story is she was a woman so beautiful that one of the goddesses became jealous of her. To punish her, the goddess turned her into half-snake. Her lower body was a snake while the upper was a woman's and her hair was tiny snakes. She also got the nasty ability to turn people to stone by just looking at her."

"So, on your world, magic is seen as a curse as well?" Sebastian asked and Leila noticed Anders twitch.

"Not as such... In this case you could say that it was the goddess who was the curse. But what about here? I would like to hear more about mages."

"Uuuuhhh... Baaaaaaad decision," Hawke only just managed to say before Anders began.

"Mages are people who have been granted the gift of magic by the Maker. But they have been subjugated by the chantry for over a thousand years. Locking us up like criminals for simply being born."

"The chantry is only protecting the world from harm, as well as the mages from themselves," Sebastian stated, a little resentful.

"So we are to be tormented for a danger that we might pose? They are treating us unjustly, Leila."

"Don't you dare take advantage of the fact that she knows nothing of magic! You would make her believe that mages are harmless," Fenris spat.

"And you would have her believe that all mages are magisters!" Anders all but growled.  
Leila had clearly hit a nerve and the air was filling with fury and uncontrolled anger. What the hell had she gotten herself into? If she didn't stop this now, she feared that they might start beating each other.

"Wait! Please calm down. What do you say we change the subject? When we get back to where you live you can all give me... I don't know, books or something on the subject. Then I can make up my own mind and none of you will have to fear that I have been influenced. Can everyone live with that?"

"And who will decide these books?" Fenris said doubtfully.

"Why don't you all bring me something to read?"

"A very diplomatic and wise decision, my lady," Sebastian smiled.

"That is the first time I have been called a 'Lady'," she chuckled lightly.

"Surely, there can be no doubt on the subject."

"Ha! I was quite the tomboy growing up and I can barely form a sentence without cursing. I have long hair, polished nails and wear high heels so people will know that I'm a woman," she laughed.

"That would not make you less deserving," he said with a smile and she actually blushed as she started to laugh a little nervously.

Hawke looked at her again and knew that she was feeling a little uncomfortable. He took her arm and started joking about the Chantry's stance on flirting. He didn't know why, but he felt as if he knew her only as a brother could. He felt protective of her as he had done Bethany. But she wasn't her. He could see that. But why then did it feel as if she was?

Anders felt annoyed by Sebastian's flirting comments. He was positive that the prince only did it so that he could spout his Chantry propaganda. He looked at Leila, now wrapped in Hawke's arm. Did that man never think of anything, but women? Flirting with Merrill, sleeping with Isabela and now a woman he had just met was clinging to his arm. Was he starting a harem? He could see so much of himself in Hawke. He was like the careless, flirting man that Anders himself had once been, but with less anger and none of the Circle's punishments to torment his mind. And she would be living with him? Would he really take advantage of her in such a state? Anders decided that it would be best if he kept an eye on her and Justice agreed. A grave injustice had been done to this woman and he would not allow anymore to befall her. He then heard Leila give a loud yelp and almost jumped into Hawke. Anders looked around nervously until he realised she was staring at the dead spider.

"What happened to the woman who claimed she would terrify spiders?" Hawke chuckled.

"I meant normal spiders. Those are enormous!" She gasped and Hawke just laughed at her as he continued to walk dragging her along.


	3. Chapter 3 Nobles

**Nobles**

The sun was setting, but they had finally arrived in Kirkwall. On the way, Leila had said that she wanted to know more about this ritual that brought her here. Hawke couldn't deny her that and agreed to tell her at home. Much to his dismay, Anders had almost insisted to hear it as well, but he knew that if anyone could help him set things right it would be Anders. Anders had always been a lot more bookish than Hawke and had a far better understanding of these things. _"If I had his talent for understanding things like this, I probably wouldn't have screwed it up,"_ he thought bitterly. Merrill and Leila seemed to get along well. They were both kind and curious about each other and talked the whole way back. Thankfully they wisely avoided talking about magic and talked about more ordinary things. As they entered the city, Leila looked around with curiosity sparkling in her eyes. She looked adorable when she did that and, Maker have mercy, it was like when Malcolm had been tutoring Bethany. Then there were other things about her that was nothing like Bethany at all. Leila was much more confident, less emotional, less ladylike and snarky. Hawke remembered that Death had only mentioned her soul and it had tried to warn him that the person coming to him would not look or be as Bethany was. But even after these short hours it felt as if he was finally letting the death of Bethany go. He hoped it would do the same for his mother. Perhaps it could give them some sort of peace until Leila had to return to her world.

They said goodbye to Merrill in Lowtown. Leila could sense that the elf was struggling with something and seemed as if she felt guilty for what had happened. Therefore, Leila gave her a quick hug of comfort that Merrill gladly returned. It warmed Garrett's heart, because he knew that Merrill was blaming herself. Outside the Amell estate, Fenris said goodbye and walked home, but Sebastian lingered a little while keeping the conversation he had with Leila alive. When Anders mentioned that she probably needed some rest, Sebastian finally said his goodbyes. Leila gave Anders a grateful smile. She was really tired and was bursting with apprehension and curiosity about the ritual. The estate looked beautiful and she wondered if it was just as nice on the inside. When they entered the entrance hall, she was not disappointed. She then heard barking and a massive dog came running towards them. Hawke sat down and started ruffling its ears.

"Hello beautiful. Has my girl behaved herself?"

The dog gave a happy bark as if it understood and then started licking Anders' hands as he tried to keep the dog at a distance.

"I really don't like all this open slobbering affection," he grumbled, but Leila thought he had a small smile on his face. The dog whined and Leila kneeled down.

"Aaaaw, come here sweetheart. I know how to appreciate your loving nature." She smiled and the dog started licking her. An old woman appeared at the door.

"There you are... I was getting worried. Hello again, Anders, and who is this?" She smiled warmly at Leila and Hawke shifted uncomfortably.

"This is Leila, mother. Leila this is my mother, Leandra. I have done something terribly stupid, but let us go inside and I'll explain."

Inside around the dining table he told them everything. His doubts, his regrets and what made him perform this ritual. His mother looked disappointed, but at the same time cried a little because in her own opinion she was the one to have triggered this. Anders' expression kept shifting between compassion and anger. Hawke assumed he and Justice were having some difficulty with this. Leila looked at him with complete understanding, but also a little afraid and worried. When he was done talking, Leandra looked him.

"I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way, dear, but Garrett, how could you? What would your father have said?"

"I know, mother. But I failed you... all of you. I just wanted to make things right and I didn't consider the consequences. I'm not the first to make that mistake," he said as he looked at Anders. Anders looked sad and remorseful. Leila felt so bad for him, for both of them. If she had had an option like Hawke did to save her mother, she would have done it. She wondered what Anders could have done that would compare.

"I understand. Leila, I'm so sorry. I am as responsible for this as my son."

"It's alright. I don't blame either of you. I understand why he did it, but I really must get back home."

"Is there a way to undo it?" Leandra asked.

"I don't know, but I will try to find a way. I'm hoping I can convince you to help me, Anders." Hawke looked hopeful at him. Anders was three years older than him and because he reminded him so much of his father, he looked up to him as an older brother. A pain in the ass of an older brother, but still... This must be how Carver felt.

"I will try, Hawke," Anders said with a sigh of regret.

"Thank you. It will possibly take several months however. Until we find a way to send her back I have promised Leila that she can stay with us. It's the least I can do."

"You are right, dear, but have you considered what others might say?" Leandra gave him a concerned look.

"What else would you suggest, mother? The Rose?" Hawke snarled.

"Of course not. She should stay here with us, but a woman who suddenly appears out of nowhere and lives in your house without being married... I don't care that she might only stay here a short while. It's not fair making her the talk of Hightown."

"Then what?" Hawke asked and Leila just sat there nervous not knowing what to say. On one hand, she didn't want to impose, but on the other hand, she had no real option. Leandra looked thoughtful for a moment and then smiled.

"We can say that she is your distant cousin. No one would think twice about her living here as she would be family. Leila Amell sounds lovely, doesn't it?" she smiled.

"Very," Anders blurted out and a moment later looked away shyly.

"I like it, but are you sure that I won't be too much trouble? And if I am here for so long I have to find a way to make some money. I can't let you pay for my food and clothes."

"Oh yes you can and I will hear nothing of you getting a job. For as long as you are here you are an Amell and nobility. It was my son's foolishness that did this to you, so I think even spoiling you a little would be more than reasonable," Leandra answered in a firm, but very loving way.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Then it's settled... cousin. Orana?!" Hawke winked.

"You called, Master Hawke?"

"Yes. This is my cousin, Leila Amell. She will be staying with us for a while. I would like you to prepare the largest guestroom for her and make sure she has everything she needs while with us."

"Of course, Master. A pleasure to meet you, my lady."

"Thank you, Orana. It's nice to meet you as well." Leila smiled at the nervous elf. Orana smiled back with apparent relief and then went out the room.

"I'll go help her and make Bodahn prepare supper. Will you be joining us, Anders?"

"Thank you, but I don't want to impos..."

"He is, mother. I don't need my healer starving to death. Besides, with that Warden appetite he might go into a frenzy and eat all the cats in Darktown. Then, later, he will commit suicide as he is covered in their fur," Hawke laughed and Anders shook his head.

"You have been spending too much time with Varric," Anders smiled.

"Or not enough," he chuckled and Leila had to give a little laugh at their banter.

"If you don't mind, would you show me the ritual?" she asked.

Hawke's face turned serious as he nodded. He then brought forward a big book and told Anders to move closer. Hawke sat down next to Leila and Anders at the opposite side of the table. Hawke told them how he performed the ritual and showed the book to Anders.

"Hmm... this is a summoning, but it's unlike anything I have ever seen. It sounds as if it's a gateway between worlds, not just into the Fade. Except for the lyrium, I have no idea what the rest of the things are for and I have never seen a symbol like this."

"May I have a look?" Leila asked and Anders handed her the book. She was relieved when she realised it was in English. She couldn't imagine what this would have been like if they weren't able to communicate. She read through it and much of it she didn't understand, but she knew the meaning of the ingredients.

"I know these things. I know this symbol."

"That's great. What does it mean?" Anders asked with great curiosity.

"It depends. It is sometimes used as a symbol for the devil."

"Devil?" Anders gave her a puzzled look.

"In some of the religions in my world, the devil is the most powerful demon that exists. He is in charge of hell."

"That doesn't sound good. Is hell some ancient evil?" Hawke asked and Leila smiled.

"Hell is what some religions call the underworld. It's a burning pit where all sinners go to be eternally punished."

"That's just bloody great, Hawke. Why do you have to mess around with such things?" Anders grumbled.

"But, as I said, it's just one meaning. There is another religion where it is a symbol of protection."

"Well, that's not confusing at all," Hawke replied sarcastically and Leila gave a small chuckle.

"What else do you know?" Anders asked.

"Well, the two gold coins are in some old religions used to pay the ferryman, who sails the dead to their eternal resting place in the underworld. The black candles are said to attract the spirits of the dead. That's all I know, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You have been a great help," Anders smiled kindly.

"Yes, now we just have to find a way to find this Death guy and make him take you back. Perhaps we should do the ritual again."

"Not wise, Hawke. Every time you do this you pay a price and I am assuming that you don't know what it was this time?" Anders gave him a stern look.

"Well... no... I figured the demon would tell me."

"In the name of Andraste! They don't tell you, you idiot. How you still have not been possessed is beyond me."

"Hey, I have tricked every demon I have encountered so far."

"And that my friend, is even more surprising."

Leila looked at them.

"What are you talking about, possessed? Possessed as in some evil entity taking over your body?"

"Yes... It only happens to mages who accept a demon's offer. But I have never heard of a demon named Death before. I have no idea what he might want since he seems quite capable of coming into this world on his own." Anders tried to smile to give her some comfort. All of this was obviously unsettling for her.

"But I do... He is not a demon exactly. He is a spirit that comes for you when you die and escort you from this world into the next... if you believe such a thing."

"Do you have any idea of what he might want?" Hawke asked.

"No... I have never heard of him making deals before... I... I just want to go home," she started crying.

"There, there... Are you hungry? How about some cheese? Cheese always makes me feel better." Hawke smiled, but she continued to cry. Anders shook his head and took her hand, gently stroking it.

"I know this is hard for you, but I promise, we will do our very best to get you home." She looked up at him, drying her eyes with her free hand and gave him a small sad smile as a reply. He stroked her gently one more time and let go of her hand. A dwarf entered the dining room.

"Dinner will be served in half an hour, Master Hawke."

"Thank you, Bodahn. Bodahn is my manservant. He and his son, Sandal, lives here as well."

"So this is Leila Amell. It's a pleasure to meet any relative of Master Hawke. We will do our very best to make you feel at home. I believe Mistress Amell is waiting for you upstairs, if you will follow me." He smiled at her.

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you."

Leila stood up and smiled at both Hawke and Anders before leaving the room.

* * *

Bodahn showed her to her room and informed her that it was next to Leandra's room. It was lovely and looked like something from a medieval castle. There was a lovely fireplace just a few meters from the door and there was a beautiful four-poster bed facing it, so you could lie in bed and look directly into the fire. On the wall opposite to the door were two windows, a glass door and a small balcony. From the balcony you could look down into a courtyard with flowerbeds and small trees along the sides. The courtyard was surrounded by walls that offered a lot of privacy and it looked as if the neighbouring house had a similar courtyard on the other side of the wall. Next to the bed there was a smaller room where there was a bathtub and a chamber pot. _"Eeewww... I had not even thought about modern bathrooms. I guess I should be grateful I'm living in a rich house,"_ Leila thought to herself. Other than that it seemed like a nice large tub. Leandra walked in her room and Leila jumped a little.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you dear. I thought you might want to wash a little before dinner. It must have been a long walk back from Sundermount and with no shoes no less," she smiled.

"It was and yes, I think I could use that."

"I have placed some water in the bathroom. I also have a dress for you, your clothes must be sweaty. It is one Garrett's pirate left here a few months ago, but never came back for. I have had it cleaned and Orana can help you with the strings at the back."

"Thank you, Mistress Amell."

"None of that, child. Leandra, if you please. Now get washed up, you must be starving."

Leila smiled as Leandra left the room. It was nice to be the one who was being looked after for once. Even if the circumstances were unsettling. After a quick wash, Orana helped her with the dress. It was pretty. It was deep red had three quarter sleeves. The neckline revealed a little of the shoulders and cleavage. The dress was not backless, but still had strings in the back that made it adjustable. Leila was grateful that there wasn't a corset. Orana wanted to brush Leila's hair. She refused at first, feeling quite capable of doing so on her own, but when Orana seemed distressed, Leila let her anyway. She left her hair loose, afraid that the others were waiting for her.

* * *

Anders and Hawke were standing in front of the fire in the dining room, while Sandal and Bodahn set the table. Anders felt uncomfortable standing there as other people worked, but Bodahn politely refused his help. Anders couldn't fathom how Hawke could have been so reckless and now seem so careless about Leila's situation. He knew the pain he had been feeling, but to go to such extremes... For being the eldest son, Hawke surely didn't act like one.

"Do you think we can send her back?" Hawke asked.

"I honestly have no idea. From what I can tell, you made a deal that is unbreakable. I will try and help, of course, but at the moment it doesn't look good."

"Well at least she is nice and pretty. Couldn't you see me getting stuck with some old hag?" Hawke chuckled.

"This is no laughing matter. Have you thought about what happens to her if she has to stay here? Will she live under your roof forever? How can she create a life for herself here, when even those native to it are finding it difficult?"

"Why can't I talk to you without you somehow making it into a mage debate? I agree with you. I'm not the one you have to convince. As for Leila, it will all work out, you'll see."

"Did it occur to you that she might not be able to be happy here?" Anders said as he crossed his arms.

"I could always try and marry her off. With the way Sebastian was looking at her, it shouldn't be too hard. The princess of Starkhaven."

"I hope you're joking," Anders said, a little mortified.

"Don't be such a stick in the mud. What girl doesn't dream of being a princess?"

"I'll only marry him if he has a white horse," Leila chuckled, knowing full well that Hawke was joking. She had just appeared in the doorway, so thankfully she hadn't heard the earlier part of the conversation. Hawke grinned and Anders gave her a kind smile when she winked at him, letting him know that she was joking as well.

"You snatched Isabela's dress, I see," Hawke grinned.

"Your mother lent it to me. I hope your friend doesn't mind."

"I'm sure she doesn't. I'll ask mother to take you out shopping tomorrow. If you are going to be an Amell, you better look like it. I'll go get mother," Hawke chuckled and went out the door.

Leila looked down at herself, worried about Hawke's comment. What if someone noticed that she didn't belong? If someone back home went around behaving and saying they came from another world they would most likely be hospitalized. What would they do to her here in the Dark Ages? Sensing her distress, Anders took a few steps closer to her, but still kept a respectful distance.

"He was only joking. I'm sure no one will question if you are his relation or not. You surely look like you are nobility," he replied kindly.

"Thanks, but looking is the easy part. It's the behaviour that worries me the most," she smiled sadly.

"Just insult everyone without a title and you'll be fine," he chuckled.

"You are not nobility, I take it."

"Me? No, I'm a mage. They normally are not allowed to have titles. The Chantry... but I promised you to remain silent on the topic for now, didn't I?"

"You did... and don't worry about me insulting you." Her eyes gave a wicked teasing glare. "I can't be seen with someone like you long enough to get the opportunity."

"See? You're getting the hang of it already," he teased.

"What would people say if they saw me talking to a commoner... covered in feathers and all?"

"Hey, low blow," he feigned offense and she laughed.

When Hawke and Leandra came back, they sat down. They asked about her world, but Leila had difficulty deciding what to or not to tell. What if she ran into a discussion about the world being round rather than flat? It was difficult to tell what would shock them and what wouldn't. After all, she had just met them. She decided that she needed to know a little more about this world before forming or stating opinions. And to be very careful, what if she said the wrong thing and was hanged for being a witch or something? She instead said that she wanted to learn more about their world. For one thing, she would be staying here for a while and for another, she was curious. She wondered how many historians would have liked an opportunity like this, even if it wasn't earth.


	4. Chapter 4 Knowledge

**Knowledge**

Thankfully Hawke had a lot of books. Leandra helped her pick out those that contained information about things she wanted to know. She quickly found out that Brother Genitivi was one of the more celebrated authors. The library was in two levels and she decided to sit by a desk upstairs. It was next to a table with a leg and wine bottles and there was a railing where you could look down at the entry hall. The Andrastian religion was a big part of society here, but much to Leila's relief, they seemed, for the most part, to tolerate other religions and even atheists. Some places back home even seemed to have difficulty achieving this, but she thought that it was probably depending on whom you were talking to in either world. But not getting burned for not believing in their Maker was a good thing. The more she read, however, the more heavy-hearted she became. Their prophet, Andraste, had helped free the slaves and had in return for their help promised them their own kingdom. After her brutal death, however, those who sanctified her never helped to make this promise a reality. Instead, elves were held in sort of ghetto areas and treated as if they were less important than humans. She was reminded of America back when people were even separated on the bus by skin colour. She knew that discrimination like that also appeared back home, but that didn't make the sadness she was feeling disappear. She kept reading and began to feel as if she was seeing history repeating itself over and over, like events from her own world were going to take place here. It was then she began reading about the mages. The book that she was reading made it seem as if it was perfectly alright locking people away for being born a certain way. The more statements they made to justify their actions the more she shook her head. Both world wars and Germany came to mind. First, one country starts a war and loses. Then, the victorious ones take away everything from those people, leaving them desperate. This is done so that they cannot start another war, but war comes anyway and the desperate easily become paranoid. The way Hitler locked away and killed thousands of people for being born a certain race reminded her greatly of the mages. Even if, according to this book, their prisons were a lot more accommodating. In both cases they were blamed for all the misery that had befallen the world. She felt sick. She then read about the religion and the Chant of Light. But this did not change her view. She saw a religion, like many others, so full of potential to do good but had been corrupted by fear and desire for power. _"Shit really does happen everywhere_," she thought bitterly. She then read about the Tevinter Imperium because it was mentioned as reference in a lot of what she had read. It did sound awful and the fact that slavery still existed made her want to throw up. But it still came down to one fact in her mind; why punish all for a crime someone else committed? If one man murders, do we lock up his brother as well? Before she knew it, the entire morning had past and it was already early afternoon.

Leandra had promised to take her shopping this afternoon and she was looking forward to it. As much as she wanted to go home, she couldn't help but feeling a little excited. Magic, elves, dwarfs and fancy dresses. Putting away the books, a piece of paper fell down. It was handwritten in a very lovely penmanship. It was a speech of some kind, she thought. It had a lot of arguments about why mages should be free of the Circle. They were good arguments, if you were an Andrastian, and the person who wrote this was very passionate. It was a little lacking in fact, though, for her taste. It was based on moral principles alone. If all people were decent that would be enough, of course, but they were not. She wanted facts like how will society benefit from having mages as a part of it rather than hidden away? The note had no author, not surprising since this was more sacrilege than not believing in the religion in the first place. She heard a knock on the door and went to the railing to see who it was. Bodahn opened the door in came another dwarf in a brown leather coat and a crossbow on his back as well as a woman that looked like a pirate. Before they even got the chance to exchange any pleasantries, Hawke came through the door.

"Varric! Isabela! I was just wondering where you were today."

"Greetings, Hawke. I had to come here after talking to Daisy. She said something about you summoning a demon and it is currently living with you?" Varric smiled and Hawke chuckled.

"I hope it's a desire demon," Isabela winked.

"That sounds like a tale you would make up. However the one I brought home with me is standing up there," he smiled and pointed up at Leila.

"Well, she is certainly the prettiest demon I've seen and a snappy dresser. too," Isabela smiled and winked.

"Certainly. A pleasure to meet you. Varric Tethras at your service."

"And Captain Isabela."

"I'm Leila and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'll be right down," she smiled fondly.

She walked downstairs and met them in the living room. They were each sitting in a chair and the dwarf smiled brightly at her. He looked kind and friendly. Isabela got up and smiled brightly.

"So what is the story behind this one, Hawke? Made a deal with a demon to get a wife?" Varric mused jokingly.

"Nope... but it's a long story... Short version I did something stupid and Leila lost her home so she will be staying here," Hawke sighed.

"Now I **really** have to hear it," Varric said, moving to the edge of his chair.

"About the dress...," Leila began.

"Don't mention it, sweetness. It looks good on you and I'm guessing you needed it. Maker knows the times I found myself in a situation where I needed someone else's clothes," Isabela winked.

Hawke got up and put some gold coins in Leila's hand.

"I can't possibly take this."

"Oh, yes you can. Isabela, our new friend here needs some clothes. She is going to get help from Mother, but I'm not sure my mother's fashion sense is up to date," Hawke grinned.

"I heard that, young man. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a second opinion." Leandra came down the stairs and smiled at Leila.

"Hello, Varric and Isabela. I would ask what brought you here today, but I'm guessing our guest has something to do with that."

"Indeed, I'm dying to hear the story, but Hawke is holding out on me," Varric grumbled.

"He has good reason to, but I believe we have an appointment with some merchants. Ready to leave, Leila?" Leandra smiled fondly at her and Leila nodded.

"Spending coin and you want me to join you? Count me in." Isabela almost jumped from her chair.

They said goodbye to Hawke and Varric and went out the door. Hightown was even lovelier in daylight, but also showed some realities that made it seem less and less like a fairytale. All the elves were servants slaving for their mistresses. Anders had not been kidding about the nobles. Leila had a hard time not finding one who didn't have a disappointed frown on their face or was gossiping about some "shocking" rumour. None of those frowns were turned in her direction, however, and she took it as a sign that she was fitting in. She was wearing the dress from last night and Orana had done her hair. Orana seemed to enjoy it and when Leila praised her she had been absolutely glowing. Orana had it a lot better than the servants she was seeing around Hightown. On the way to the market, Leandra told her about the people who lived here, but also mentioned how life had been in Lowtown. Apparently, they had not always been nobility. Isabela told her about what streets to avoid at night unless she wanted to get jumped and quickly made a dirty remark. Leandra shook her head, obviously used to the pirate's sense of humour. Leila found her direct approach comforting somehow. It reminded her a little about people back home, but she got the feeling that Isabela wasn't like many other women here. They found a dressmaker and bought some clothes. Leandra and Hawke had not been kidding about spoiling her. Four pretty dresses in different colours with matching shoes. In addition to that she got five pairs of trousers, a few tunics with sleeves and two corsets, one black and the other dark red, to put over the tunic. It would give Leila a look like Isabela, but with pants and sleeves. She also got a pair of black boots that were very comfortable and certainly better than high heels if she should find herself hiking again.

It was a sunny day and to get out of the heat they went into the shade. Leila stood at the railing overlooking Kirkwall. She could see Lowtown and the docks. There was a serious difference between wealth. Sure, there was as well back home, but here it seemed to be almost life-defining (if you compared it to the western world at least). She saw a fortress on an island not far away.

"What is down there?"

"Oh, that's the Circle. Looks like oppression, doesn't it?" Isabela sighed.

"A prison, then?"

"Yes... here even more so than in the rest of Thedas. Malcolm, my late husband, used to have nightmares about the statues there," Leandra said mournfully.

"Was he a mage?" Leila whispered and was grateful that she had read those books before going outside.

"Yes, but he got away. It's a long story, though, and not really the place for that discussion," Leandra smiled.

"What of Hawke?"

"Hawke has always been free, thanks to his father."

"And Merrill and Anders?"

"Merrill is Dalish. One of the nomad clans roaming around. They never stay in one place for long so the templars have never caught them. Anders has been in the Circle since he was a child and only been free the last couple of years," Isabela explained.

"So, it is possible for a mage to be granted freedom?" Leila felt a little relieved perhaps things were not as bad as she imagined.

"It only happens in very rare cases and that is not what happened to Anders. They are all apostates so mentioning who they really are in public would be a bad idea," Isabela smiled sadly.

"Got it... It seems so unreasonable."

"Many things in life are, dear. Come, let us go home so you can try on some of the things we bought." Leandra placed a hand on her shoulder.

* * *

When they got home, they found Varric, Hawke and Sebastian talking. Ziggy ran towards them and greeted Leila first. She kneeled down and cooed.

"I am happy to see you too, precious."

"I've never seen her that fond of anyone, but Hawke and Bethany," Leandra mused.

"I had several dogs growing up. Nothing makes you feel more loved than a happy dog face," Leila smiled.

"Be careful it doesn't go to her head. We will never hear the end of it," Hawke laughed.

"I'm sure it would if she understood."

"She does. Mabari are extremely clever. Understands everything you say."

"Neat! I can actually get away with having a conversation with a dog, without people assuming I'm mental," she laughed.

"Just you wait, soon there will be a house full of talking dogs," Hawke grinned.

"My poor furniture," Leandra sighed.

"Are you going to have puppies? Congratulations, I hope they will be just as adorable as their mother." Leila cooed and the dog gave a happy bark. She stood up and they all went into the living room. Varric was more than eager to hear stories from her world, but Leandra insisted that she should be given time to adjust before indulging his curiosity. They talked for a while before Varric, Hawke and Isabela went to the Hanged Man. They had offered to bring Leila along, but she felt tired and overwhelmed and would rather be alone. Sebastian, however, lingered again.

"I have brought you some books about Andraste and the Maker. Do you believe in the Maker in your world?"

"Thank you. I suppose that depends on what you believe. I sometimes think that the different gods people pray to are one and the same. By that definition, yes, but he goes by a different name. As for myself, I don't believe in a god, but I am not arrogant enough to believe that I can prove that there isn't one. Especially since only two days ago I didn't believe in demons or magic, either... not that literally, anyway," she tried diplomatically. He smiled.

"The Maker works in mysterious ways. Perhaps you were brought here to give you back that faith."

"You speak as if I believed it once," she smiled teasingly.

"Didn't you?" he smiled as he raised one eyebrow.

"Perhaps... but also in Father Christmas and unicorns." Remembering that this probably had no meaning to him, she added, "good figures from fairytales." He gave a chuckle. She was grateful that for a religious person he was diplomatic and even as he spoke of his religion, he didn't force it on you. If all believers were like him, perhaps then religions would reach their full potential. There was a knock on the door and Anders entered the living room. The two men gave each other a somewhat cold greeting. Not hateful, but definitely not friendly. Anders looked at Leila and gave her a kind smile.

"I met Hawke at the Hanged Man and he said you stayed at home. Since you looked so traumatized yesterday I wanted to make sure you weren't feeling sick."

"That was sweet of you. I have been feeling nauseous, but I can't tell if it's because I'm sick or from emotional trouble."

"I think I better get back to the Chantry. I will pray for finding a way to get you home," Sebastian bowed slightly.

"Goodbye and thank you for the books."

That earned a bright smile from him. When he left, Anders asked her to sit down and she did as he asked. He took the books from her to put them on the table and frowned slightly.

"Not your favourite topic, I take it," Leila smiled.

"Definitely not... Guess my emotions are pretty easy to read," he returned her smile.

"That's probably because you don't try to hide them," she mused teasingly and he chuckled. While examining her, Leandra walked through the room. She thanked Anders for coming to take care of Leila. It was clear that Leandra felt responsible for her and it warmed Leila's heart. Leandra had to go see her brother, but made sure (despite Anders' protests) that Bodahn made them some tea and sandwiches before she left. Who knew when Hawke would be coming back? After he made sure that there was nothing physically wrong with Leila, Anders sat down in a chair opposite to her. He was grateful that Hawke wasn't here making advances at her. The last thing she needed was a broken heart. Ironic that he of all people was protecting a woman's virtue. He looked into the fire and suddenly stepped forward.

"What is my manifesto doing in the fire? Damn you, Hawke. Those take ages to write," he grumbled. Leila looked at the note and immediately recognized it.

"So you're the author of that. I found one this morning and didn't know who it belonged to."

"Which one?"

"Is there more than one?" she said in astonishment.

"Yes," he stated.

"And they all say the same thing?"

"Yes, I need to make as many people see it as possible."

"So you place more than one in the home of a mage and a friend?" she couldn't help, but smile teasingly.

"Well, yes. But it's not like it's the only house I placed them in," he said shyly and she tried to suppress a laugh.

"Hey, who am I to criticise? At least one new person read it today," she smiled kindly.

"You read it? What did you think?" he smiled and sat back in the chair, waiting in anticipation. She shifted uncomfortably.

"It made the moral implications very clear."

"That's evasive. What's wrong with it?" he said sarcastically as he gave her a serious, but thankfully not offended, look. She had the distinct impression that he was quite easily offended.

"Nothing is wrong with it, but it wasn't written to convince me. It was written to convince someone who believes in the Maker." She smiled kindly hoping that it would not offend him.

"You are quite good at sneaking your way around a subject, implying what you mean, but without actually making a statement," he grumbled.

"What I said was true. Just because it does not appeal to me it doesn't mean that it won't to someone else. And obviously, I'm not that good at "sneaking" since I manage to offend you anyway. Sorry for that." She looked down and he gave a sigh.

"You shouldn't apologize. You just reminded me of the Grand Cleric, implying what they mean, but never taking an action or a stand. That's not your fault," he said bitterly.

"Just because there are things that I don't say doesn't mean that I will not take action."

"But how will you encourage others to act if you do not make your opinion known?"

"This is not a situation where my opinion matters. I know almost nothing about this world. How would I know what would work and what wouldn't? "

"Thank you for your opinion, even if it was cryptically given. I should get going."

He said goodbye and Leila smiled even though he still seemed a little... defeated? It was nice that people cared about her well-being even though they didn't know her. However, her conversation with Anders had put her a bit off. Had she been cryptic? Obviously, not cryptic enough to fool Anders. She thought she was being considerate and wise, but perhaps that was her way of hiding. She had shielded her heart and there was a part of it that was not even touched by those she loved... had loved. Something that she could retreat to where nothing hurt and logic dominated emotions. A part of her that made her desire to be alone constantly. That same desire made her not want to answer phone calls, text messages or emails. She would feel stressed and fearful when the phone rang. She had become afraid of life, but she was comfortable with it. This fear she could handle, push it away and retreat into her own thoughts. By being diplomatic, wise and kind to everyone, she could convince the world that she was still a **feeling** human being. Truly she was in hiding.


	5. Chapter 5 Hopes

**Hopes**

Three weeks passed and Leila was beginning to worry. She felt homesick and worried whether she would still have a job when she came back. How do you explain to your boss that you have been gone for three weeks without notifying them? She spent the weeks studying and drawing. She had drawn pictures from her cell phone taken of family members and others that were important to her. After the five days, however, the blasted thing ran out of power. No more pictures and no more music. She missed music. She missed dancing around in her underwear after a shower, letting the air dry her skin rather than a towel. Orana played the lute and though it was beautiful it didn't have the beat Leila liked so much. And she wasn't going to ask her to do it so she could dance around mostly naked. She imagined herself having a stereo and turning the volume to max and dancing around the estate. She chuckled to herself knowing that the sound of the music alone would make a scandal. Despite the longing for home, however, she felt very welcome. Leandra lived up to her promise with spoiling her and it was a long time since anyone had made her feel so good. She had been to the Hanged Man once, but after having to drag a **very** drunk Hawke home without knowing the city too well (not to mention the thugs sometimes running around), she had thought it best to stay home for the time being. Though she had received some martial arts training when she was younger, she was pretty sure it would be of little use. Sebastian had been by to see her several times. He would talk about the Maker and the Chantry and it did give her a good idea about it. He had even showed the Chantry to her. It was beautiful and **large**. She was getting the distinct impression that he was trying to "restore her faith" as he put it. Anders and Merrill had been by a few times as well. She had talked quite a bit with Merrill and found her sweet. She had asked about her people and Merrill was only too happy to tell her. Anders however had not spoken to her much. She first thought that she might have offended him more than she had originally believed, but it seemed he was just busy. After all, he only came by when he, Hawke and Merrill were working together on a way to get her home. Hopefully that would be soon.

Hawke, on the other hand, had the best three weeks in a long time. For the first time since Carver joined the Wardens did his mother not cry at night. Leandra spoiled and adored Leila. It seemed that Leila was healing a still bleeding wound and brought closure to what was left of the family. Even when she was sitting quietly by herself unnoticed, Leila brought life into the house, simply because the grief had been lifted. In addition, Hawke found that she had a wonderful wit that allowed her to make funny comebacks at most remarks which even had Fenris chuckling. Also, she didn't easily take offense. He could say the most awful things and she would just smile sweetly. It was a bittersweet success; first, because he had wanted Bethany back and secondly, because Leila was leaving. And she would be leaving. He had made a promise and many things could be said about him, but he wouldn't break a promise if he could help it. He was in his bedroom and was looking for a way to get Leila back. He hadn't yet, but he found something else that might help. He found a summoning that would take place inside the Fade. He could make Death appear and ask him what he needed to know without having to make a deal. Now, he just needed Anders to confirm this. He wasn't making the same mistake twice. He went to Leila's room. The door was slightly open so he knocked on it and went in. She was drawing again. She looked at him and smiled.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I have found something that might help us get you home. No promises, however. We need to go see Anders before I can tell for sure. Would you like to see the proud undercity of Kirkwall?" he remarked with sarcasm that Leila quickly picked up on and gave a short laugh of disbelief.

"Well, when you make it sound so delightful, how can I refuse?" she laughed with the same sarcasm and got up from her desk. She looked into the mirror before leaving and brushed her hair. She sighed. She missed her straightening iron. Without it, her hair would start to make, not curls, but waves and she much more preferred it when it was straight. She quickly put her hair in a ponytail and wondered how long her only rubber band would last. Hopefully she would be home soon with all the comforts of the modern world. They left through the basement and went towards the clinic.

* * *

Leila looked around Darktown. The smell was horrible and reminded her of the times she had travelled to poor countries in her own world as part of a sociological study. It didn't surprise her that some people would live under these circumstances, but that did not lessen the sadness and heartache she felt. As they went into the clinic, they saw it was filled with people.

"Perhaps we came at a bad time," Hawke mused.

Anders was standing at the other end of the room treating a patient. He was tired. There had been an accident in one of the foundries, when a boiler exploded and his clinic was now overcrowded with people who had open wounds in all shapes and sizes. He was wearing himself pretty thin, but these people were in pain and needed him. There were so many things that needed to be righted in this world that even Justice found it overwhelming at times. The refugees needed him, the mage cause needed him and the injustice towards Leila needed to be righted. All of it important and left him beyond exhaustion most days. Thankfully, he had stopped protecting Leila from Hawke, realising that it had been unnecessary. The last conversation they had proved that. She had a strong resolve and could probably wiggle herself out of most situations. Frankly, it annoyed him. She was just another person not making a stand, fearful of how the world would react. Justice, though, had a soft spot for her situation; a few years ago, he had been the one stranded in a strange world so foreign to his own. They were both eager to get her home. Justice would have been done and then there would be one less task for them to do. And the line of tasks seemed to be unending, just like his patients at the moment. He didn't realise that Hawke and Leila had entered his clinic.

"Well, aren't you popular today, Anders?" Hawke chuckled.

"I surely wish I wasn't," Anders said with a sad smile of compassion as he continued to clean the patient's wound before he could heal it.

"Well, hurry up and get them out of here. I might have found a way to help Leila," he said in a completely careless way. Anders was annoyed, but before he could answer...

"Why don't you help him instead of hurrying him?" Leila said in a more serious voice than either of them had heard from her before.

"Not in my area of expertise. I blow things up. I don't put them back together," Hawke chuckled a bit proudly. Leila sighed folded up her sleeves and went to the bowl of water on the table next to Anders and washed her hands with soap. She then looked at Anders.

"What do you need me to do?" she asked, which made Anders' eyes widen. He had not expected her to offer to help.

"If you would take care of the small injuries. Clean the wounds, treat them with that salve in the green jar and bandage them. You can use the cot next to me." He smiled. She nodded and began immediately to take care of the next patient on the cot.

"Well, while you two do that I'll go talk to Merrill. See you guys later." And Hawke went out the door. Leila and Anders looked at each other rolling their eyes.

* * *

It had been two hours, but they had finally treated the last patient. Anders had kept a close eye on Leila to supervise her if needed and had been surprised when he didn't. The impression he had gotten of her was that she was an educated, refined woman like most of the nobles in Hightown. He couldn't conceal his surprise of how well she coped with the situation. He had half expected her to faint or throw up at any minute, since the injuries were very bloody. But it didn't seem to affect her at all and she was kind and careful with each patient. What surprised him the most was that she washed her hands between each patient. Very few people had that much awareness about hygiene other than healers. She sat down on one of the cots and gave a sigh, but was smiling.

"You need to teach Hawke how to heal."

He sat down at his desk, but was facing her. He was tired.

"I tried to convince him once, but he doesn't care for it. Not exciting enough, I think."

"Might be just as well. He would probably end up blowing someone's arm off," she said in a light tone that made Anders chuckle slightly.

"You might be right..." Afraid that an uncomfortable silence would develop, he continued.

"Do you want some tea?"

"That would be lovely."

He started to get up, but she interrupted him.

"Why don't you let me? You look absolutely exhausted."

"Thank you. There is some over the fire. It should still be hot."

She filled two mugs and gave one of them to Anders before sitting down on the cot again.

"You've been a great help today. I must say I was surprised at how well you did," he smiled.

"I use to live on a small farmstead, where we had a lot of animals. When they had injuries I treated them. Nothing major, just scrapes, blisters and such. And my mother was sick for a long time..." She remembered her mother getting sick from the chemo and it had been anything but pleasant. To sake of the memory she continued:

"I'm glad I could help. Is it always this hectic?"

"It was when I first got here, but it has lessened. Most of the refugees have gotten jobs, I think... or they're dead." His face turned grim and Leila returned his expression.

"Poverty is a grim fact of life. I take it the nobility here doesn't care much, but what of the Chantry? Don't they try to help?" She averted his eyes and took a sip of her tea. She felt guilty living in such luxury and still longing for the comforts of home. If Hawke had not taken her in she would have ended up down here with them.

"They do, but their way of helping is by taking the children away from their families and keeping them in the Chantry. Most times the children run back to their parents, but at least they get something to eat before they leave. There is a woman named Lirene who helps a lot. She has a shop in Lowtown where the profits go to help the refugees." He smiled hoping that it would make her tension pass, but she didn't look at him. He had a difficult time understanding how she could seem so aware and yet so distant. A few moments later, Hawke and Merrill entered the clinic, with a bag filled with lyrium as far as Anders could tell.

"That took you long enough," Anders stated.

"Hey, we needed to get the things we needed for the ritual," Hawke faked offense and Anders sighed.

"What crazy idea have you come up with this time?" he asked with the most doubtful expression.

"We have found a way to summon Death in the Fade. We can find him and talk to him without having to make a deal," Merrill smiled.

"That's why you brought the lyrium then, so one of us can go into the Fade? How did you get all that lyrium, anyway?"

"What kind of ex-smuggler would I be if I couldn't get stuff like this?" Hawke winked, obviously very satisfied with himself.

"What is the Fade? And what is lyrium?" Leila asked. She hated not knowing what they were talking about.

"The Fade is where we go to dream. It is also where demons and spirits live. Mages can enter the Fade in a waking state, which is why demons are so interested in them," Anders explained.

"Cool... and lyrium?"

"Lyrium is what powers our magic. When we do powerful magic like this we need a lot of it. And it gives you the most delightful buzz," Hawke smiled and Anders shook his head as Merrill giggled. Hawke gave Anders the book to get a third opinion on the matter. There was no way he was going to make another person get stuck here. After a few moments of silence, Anders looked up from the book.

"This looks promising. Who will be going into the Fade?"

"I will of course, I want some answers from this demon... and if I get to kick his arse in the process this might be a good day," Hawke gave a crooked smile.

"I want to go as well," Leila said and they all looked at her with a curious expression.

"Not a good idea," Hawke replied.

"And why not? It isn't like I haven't dreamt before."

"Because the Beyond is unpredictable. Keepers train for many years before going there in a waking state. It would be safer for you to stay here," Merrill tried.

"Like hell I am! I know you are trying to protect me, but this happened to **me**. I want some answers and I want them first hand," Leila replied with determination and Anders sighed. He understood why she wanted to do this, but her alone in the Fade with no one but Hawke as protection, couldn't go well.

"If you are so determined then you'll need someone experienced in the Fade to come with you."

"And I'm not?" Hawke said with offense.

"With your attention span, you might forget her in there somewhere," Anders gave a mischievous glare that made Hawke laugh.

"Fair enough... three of us into the Fade. Merrill, do you think you can keep the spell going on your own?"

"I believe so... I think so... I hope so... I mean yes."

"Good, let us get started."


	6. Chapter 6 Dreams

**Dreams**

Leila looked around. She couldn't believe it. She was home, lying in the garden of the farmstead she lived on as a child. She felt the soft grass between her fingers and felt the sun on her skin. This felt so good, yet so unreal. She heard someone give one long whistle and opened her eyes to see Hawke standing looking down on her. Now it all came back to her. This was a dream.

"That dress would make even Isabela blush," he winked. She looked down at herself. She was wearing her favourite summer dress. Short, V-shaped neckline, backless and white with a pattern of deep red roses. She smiled up at him.

"I doubt it. Give me a hand, would you?"

He took her hand and pulled her up. Then suddenly he grabbed her and pulled her behind him. He seemed startled and apprehensive about something. She then saw Anders, glowing blue and was almost sparkling.

"Nice to see you, Justice. Now, will you let Anders come out and play before you rip someone to pieces?"

"I had not thought to return in such a way... I cannot do as you ask. In the Fade I am in control as Anders is in your world," Justice replied, looking around rather than at them.

"Wonderful! A heads up would have been nice you know?" Hawke grumbled.

"It is the first time we have returned to the Fade since our joining. We did not know."

"Hawke, what is going on?" Leila looked at Anders with confusion. It was strange to be sure, but he didn't look threatening in any way, yet Hawke was obviously not comfortable with this development.

"Leila this is Justice, Anders' better half."

"What do you mean better half?"

"I am a spirit of Justice. Anders and I share his body," Justice stated calmly.

"You mean he is possessed?"

"Yup," Hawke answered. He had seemed to calm a little, but still kept a close eye on the spirit.

"I always thought demons would be more terrifying." Leila stared at Anders. If it wasn't for Hawke's hesitation around Anders at the moment, it looked cool, beautiful even.

"I am no demon! I am the virtue of Justice." Justice finally looked at them. He obviously reacted at the word demon and seemed a little offended.

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"Meaning that Justice is a good spirit determined to right the injustices in the world... according to Anders, anyway." Hawke had now let go of her. If Justice was going to attack he would have done it by now.

"Come, we should find this demon of yours before we are drawn back out of the Fade," Justice said as he walked closer to them. He kept an intense eye on Hawke, who was looking at Leila.

"Right... Well, normally, we would be in my dream, but from that gorgeous dress you are wearing I'm guessing it is yours." Hawke gave her a friendly smile, but then caught Justice's eye. Was the spirit... watching him? He would have thought it because of his blood magic, if he didn't look so concerned. It made Hawke shiver lightly.

"I thought I was home, so yes, I guess so. What do I need to do?" Leila said waiting for her instructions.

"Well, we need to get Death here... somehow."

Before Leila could make a sarcastic remark or Justice a disapproving one, they heard the voice of a woman calling behind them. It was her mother looking healthy and smiling. Leila turned around and tears started to form in her eyes as she saw her. But then something felt different... wrong. There was a warmth missing from her eyes.

"You are not my mother," Leila backed away.

"Demon!" Justice hissed. Hawke placed a hand on her shoulder and Justice looked at her, impressed by how she quickly recognized something was wrong. The dream disappeared and they were now standing in nothing but a heavy mist. The demon changed to the shape of a woman with horns. Leila jumped slightly. She had never seen anything like it. It looked like something out of Greek mythology.

"It is a desire demon. It preys on your deepest desires and intensifies it to the point of blind obsession," Justice warned and Leila nodded in response. The demon looked at Justice and gave an evil smirk.

"You would know of obsession, wouldn't you, **little** spirit?" her voice filled with condescending hatred.

"Quiet, foul demon! I cannot be tempted and I will not allow you to harm my companions," Justice replied with venom almost dripping from his tongue.

"Neither would I waste my time with you even if I thought I could. Why anyone would merge with such a pathetic creature? I admit your host is delicious, though..." she purred. "As for your companions..."

The demon walked closer, starring intently at Leila.

"Pretty... A shame that you have as little magic in your veins as a dwarf. Such a waste of life."

"I might not be magical, but at least I don't have Christmas ornaments glued to my forehead," Leila replied coldly.

This on the other hand made the demon's eyes go wide and a desire formed that made Leila feel uncomfortable. It grabbed her by the chin and Leila found that she could not move. Justice hissed, but knew that Leila had to refuse the demon's offer on her own, as did Hawke. They could do nothing. The demon turned into a man before them. He had longish dark hair, a well-trimmed beard around his mouth, had muscles, but very slim, gentle facial features and deep black eyes. He started to whisper in Leila's ear.

"Such spirit... Who could resist such passion? But it has been locked away and kept at bay by logic, compromises and duty. I can see your desires. You want to be released from your prison of obligation and let that passion roam freely. I can give you that. I can fulfil your desires... your longing to feel alive."

"Do not listen to it, mortal. She deals only in illusions and her offers are only temporary until she takes over. You are only a means for her to fulfil her own desires," Justice warned again.

"You are one to talk, spirit. Yet... only temporary bliss will be so much more than what she has had in her entire lifetime... Let me make you feel loved," the demon cooed in a deep whisper. Leila's tears were flowing and she could feel the demon turning and twisting her heart. Then, embarrassment took over. Someone else now knew the secrets that she had buried so deep. Two men she hardly knew was now told of something that only belonged in the privacy of her own thoughts. Anger took over and without thinking she knocked the demon's hand from her face. The demon retaliated, but Leila blocked and using the demons momentum she knocked the demon off balance and it landed on the ground. She remembered more of her martial arts training than she thought. The demon's illusion disappeared and fury was written on its face.

"A piece of advice... Don't embarrass people you are trying to seduce!" Leila spat and Hawke gave a loud laugh.

"Then you will provide me a death!" the demon hissed and shades started to appear around them. As the shades came towards Leila, she was stunned. She had never seen anything like them, yet instinct took over and she was prepared to defend herself. How she would do so she had no idea. She felt something knock her back and saw Justice lightly touching his forehead. Something he did she guessed and then saw him making a barrier of ice in front of her. The only magic she had seen so far was Anders' healing and this was something else entirely. If not for the fact that those creatures were after her, she would have been fascinated. She felt an electric current on her skin and saw that Hawke was shooting lightning from his fingertips. Before she knew it, the demons were dead before her. Hawke ran over to her, grinning from ear to ear.

"That was bloody brilliant! Too bad you are not a mage. Then you would have been able to brag about your Harrowing," he joked.

"What's a Harrowing?" She took his hand and got up.

"Never mind for now."

She flinched as she stood up. Whatever Justice did had made her back sore.

"I didn't think things would hurt so much when you dreamt."

"I apologize mortal. It was necessary to keep distance between you and the fiends," Justice replied with a hint of remorse in his voice. Hawke had only seen Justice twice before, but he had not come to expect the spirit to be this... normal. Justice healed her back and she smiled sweetly at him.

"Thank you, angel," Leila smiled as she said it, not remembering the spirit's name.

"Now let's find that demon before I start dreaming up something worse than that one," she continued, pointing at the dead demon.

"Right... I have to channel the spell, but since we are in your dream I need you to concentrate on Death in your mind. That should summon him to us."

"Alright... I'm ready." Hawke's hands started glowing with a purple light and a sparkling sound emitted from it. Leila cleared her head and thought of death. Every movie and picture she had ever seen with death in it. The Fade transformed and they were in a graveyard at night. The full moon was shining, fog covered the ground and in the middle was one very large dead tree. But so far no death.

"Well, this is certainly creepy..." Hawke said when the spell stopped working.

"Sorry... I have a lively imagination I guess. Where do you think this demon is?" Leila started to look around, but needed to keep reminding herself that this was a dream. She half-expected ghosts, vampires and werewolves to start roaming around, but then got a little afraid that thinking about them might summon them. Almost sensing her distress, Hawke placed a hand on her shoulder again. Justice looked around.

"This looks like the Black Marsh... I cannot sense the demon."

"Demon, demon, come out wherever you are. Don't be shy," Hawke said in an almost singing way and Leila rolled her eyes and laughed at him.

"I told you I am not a demon," Death sighed. They looked towards the tree and from it appeared a tall man in black robes covering his appearance completely. Leila felt a chill run down her spine, but more from all the memories than his actual presence. Though the air turned cold he did not appear threatening the way the desire demon did. Hawke looked at Justice expecting him to go into a blazing fury of rage, but nothing happened. Justice just stood there looking puzzled. Hawke then returned his attention to Death.

"You didn't bring me my sister. Instead you took this woman from her world," Hawke accused.

"I told you that she would not be the same, but you refused to listen." He looked at Hawke who was now overwhelmed by shame and was unsure how to respond. He didn't fully understand what Death meant. Justice shook his head at his stupidity.

"Can you send this one back to her world? It was a grave injustice taking her from her world, so this one could relieve his guilt." Justice looked at Death and Death took a few steps closer to Justice. He was slightly taller than Justice and looked down at him.

"Justice... The force that brings as much death as it prevents. Death surrounds you my friend and yet it took a mortal life for you to value its meaning... You must however live life fully to understand the sacrifice in death... You know as well as I that we cannot right death by bringing about life. It is the same reason I cannot take her back."

"If you brought me here why can't you send me back?" Leila had to try hard not to cry. Death walked towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"You always take the difficult paths, my child. Every lifetime you choose one of struggle in order for your soul to grow and fully form."

"Why do you speak as if you know me?" Leila looked up at him. Perhaps she should be afraid, but she found him comforting.

"You have prayed for me to come for you, my dearest. Life is a burden you carry so heavily, but I want you to live before I come for you. You did not live where you were. I hoped bringing you here might give you a life with meaning and purpose."

"I'm so tired..." Tears started falling from her eyes.

"I know, but you need one more life to truly reach your potential, little one. To finish the path that you chose."

"So you tricked me! All of this was to bring her here?" Hawke growled.

"I brought your sister's soul to you. I told you her soul had moved on, but you were determined that you wanted her anyway. I cannot turn back time, only reach through it. So I bend the laws of time and space to return her soul to you. The deal has been made and it cannot be undone." Death answered calmly. Leila was tearing up. She felt pain over the fact that she could not go home. She felt defeated that Death could or would not help and anger at Hawke for being so stupid. He had taken her life from her so that he did not have to feel guilt. Justice flared in anger.

"It is time for you to go back now. Do not worry, spirit. Justice will be done soon enough," Death bowed and Justice nodded in response. Death disappeared. Then, the tree and the rest of the graveyard was slowly consumed by the mist before the Fade evaporated entirely.

* * *

They were back in the clinic and Anders was the first to wake. Merrill was sitting next to the cot Leila was lying on and when he got close he saw tears streaming from her eyes.

"Anders, what happened? She started to scream and she has been crying in her sleep for the past ten minutes," Merrill looked truly distressed.

"We cannot get her home, Merrill," Anders said softly. Hawke then awoke and went over to the cot as well. He was positively pale and the guilt and shame was written all over his face. Even so, Anders lost control of his anger.

"See what your blood magic and you stupidity led you to? It is because of things like this that we are persecuted all throughout Thedas! Not to mention that now Leila is stuck here! You ruined her life, Hawke!" He shouted so loud that Hawke figured it must have echoed all through Darktown. Merrill hushed Anders, looking down at Leila who had still not woken up and he gave her an apologetic look.

"I know, Anders. I'm going to take care of her...," Hawke said wistfully.

"You better!" Anders growled. He kneeled down next to the cot, making sure nothing had gone wrong and that she was somehow stuck in the Fade. She wasn't. It always took a little longer for non-mages to come out of the Fade. Her eyes opened and were red from crying. For a moment, Anders saw the pain she was feeling and then just as quickly it was replaced by an anger that made Anders move away from the cot immediately. She got up and looked directly at Hawke.

"Leila, I'm so sorry. I..."

"No! I don't want to hear it, you selfish bastard! What the fuck were you thinking? Are you really that much of a moron?!" Even Justice could not have looked as terrifying as Leila did at this very moment. Her nostrils were flaring, her body tense, her fists cringed so tight that her knuckles turned white and her eyes were terrifying. Her pupils were narrow and her eyebrows pressed together. Hawke was convinced that if eyes could kill, his robes would have been set ablaze and he would be nothing more than a pile of ashes on the floor.

"I didn't know. I swear I didn't!" he tried to defend himself.

"HE **TOLD** YOU!" she screamed and Hawke **knew** that had made its way through Darktown.

"I can't look at you right now! I don't want to hurt you... no, I'll take that back. I **do** want to hurt you, so I'll better be on my way." She turned towards the door. Hawke tried to stop her by holding her arm, but she wiggled free and stormed at the door. She ran through Darktown. She had never been there before and had no idea of where she was going. She only felt the anger and frustration running through her veins. What in the world had the idiot been thinking? She had assumed that Death had tricked him. She had not in her wildest dreams thought that Hawke had been **warned **by Death. She had only been so calm because she assumed that she would get home. Perhaps it was about time to stop assuming things. She stopped running and grabbed hold of the railing. She looked down into the waters below and considered jumping. Then she could pummel Death in the afterlife. With closed eyes she listened to the waves below, trying desperately to contain the anger and pain she was feeling.

"Running around in Darktown on your own is not a good idea, you know."

She turned her head and saw Anders looking at her. She started to look for Hawke and as if he read her mind he said:

"Hawke has gone home. I told him you might need some space from him. I did have to promise however to make sure nothing would happen to you," he smiled and she gave a grunt of disbelief.

"That's rich! **Now **he worries about what will happen to me," she spat.

"I'm not going to defend what he did, but don't think he is heartless," he replied softly.

"No, just mindless... Is he really worried about me?" her expression softened.

"Yes and so was I. Though I doubt anyone would dare attack you when you are angry. Even the darkspawn could not inspire such fear," he chuckled and despite herself, she smiled. She had read about those while researching the magisters of Tevinter.

"What will I do now? I have no home, no skills relevant in this world, no job and the only people I know are the ones who took pity on me. I just feel so lost," she sighed and was trying hard not to cry. Even so, a few tears fell. Anders took a few steps closer.

"It will be alright," he soothed.

"How can you say that? You don't know what it is like." Another tear fell. Anders stepped closer again and stood next to her with his hands on the railing.

"I **do** know... and so does Justice." He looked down at the waves. She looked up at him. In her anger, she had completely forgotten about the spirit, but with all she was feeling she could not gather her thoughts to form a sentence.

"I was twelve when I found out I was a mage. I accidentally set my father's barn on fire. He was so angry and fearful of me that he went straight to the templars. They came for me only hours later. My mother begged them not to take me, but they put me in shackles and dragged me away. They told her that if she ever asked about me she would be thrown in prison, stripped of her rights in the eyes of the Maker. I was dragged, not only to a Circle, but a Circle in another country to ensure that I would not try to escape, hoping to return home. So I do know what it is like to be trapped somewhere foreign. The loneliness and desperation that you must be feeling now."

Leila looked at him in complete shock and he looked down into her eyes. He looked so sad and yet he tried to be comforting. Suddenly, her own pain seemed smaller, if only because her attention had now shifted away from herself once again, allowing her to once again push the pain down into a forgotten chamber in her heart with all of her other emotions.

"I'm... sorry doesn't even begin to cover it, but I **am** sorry." She put her hand on his and he gave her a small smile. She hesitated, but then asked, "and Justice?"

"An even longer story. If you come back to the clinic I will tell you. If you don't want to face Hawke, you can stay in the clinic tonight. I don't have much, but I do have an empty cot," he smiled sadly.

"Thank you..."

Back at the clinic Anders told her about Justice. How he met him, how Justice was also stuck in a world without any way to return to his own. What it had been like getting to know him in the Wardens. He told about why they merged and with an enormous lump in his throat, he told her about what went wrong with their merging. After Hawke's reaction, he half expected her to bolt out of there screaming. She didn't. She sat there patiently letting him explain. Anders thought that it was probably due to her lack of knowledge that she didn't react very strongly. Void, a month ago she believed magic and demons to be nothing more than myth.

"It was very noble of you, to help Justice," she smiled sadly.

"Noble?... Perhaps it was meant that way, but now... I can't control him when I lose myself in anger. I don't know until after what I might have done. You saw the way Hawke looked at me. He believes that I am an abomination and sometimes... I fear he might be right," he confessed sadly.

"Losing yourself when you are desperate and forced into a corner doesn't sound very demonic... It sounds very human actually," she mused and Anders nearly fell off his chair.

"I don't think you understand... I kill people in blind rage when that happens." She flinched and that was more like the reaction that he had been expecting. She had quickly understood that killing here was not looked upon the same way as back home. Here, crime fighting was different and very few criminals surrendered peacefully. What Hawke and his friends did was to protect others. She still believed killing was wrong, no matter who did it, but once her world had been very similar to this one (and still was in a few places).

"See, now you understand why Hawke fears me," he said with a hint of offense and regret.

"I have to keep reminding myself that killing here is viewed upon differently than in my own small part of the world... According to what you said, you did this in self-defence, though. In my world, if a man has lost himself to insanity at the moment that he commits a crime, even murder, he is not judged as harshly. I fail to see why you should be any different."

Anders almost laughed at her calm dismissal. In part, he thought her to be out of her mind and on the other, it was uplifting that someone didn't see an abomination when they looked at him.

"You really don't understand how dangerous I am, do you?"

"No, that part I got. I just don't believe you are a demon. I believe you're sick," she said calmly.

"Sick?" He raised an eyebrow and could not hide his surprise. He was perfectly well. Tired, thin and bruised most of the time, but healthy by most definitions of the term.

"Yes... and you probably were before you joined with Justice."

"Please do explain this to me," he remarked sarcastically.

"I think you have a depression, Anders," she said softly hoping not to offend him.

He looked at her with confusion. He had been caught completely off guard by the turn this conversation had taken. He knew all too well what depression looked like. He knew how many mages had taken their own lives in the Tower and watched them closely before that. He had never thought that he might have one. On the other hand, all the signs were there; the uncontrollable rage, the constant fear, the way he would burrow himself in his work and the way he would one moment be full of determination and the next lose all hope. He had thought himself cursed. He had never seen himself as sick. But Leila did and it wasn't Justice she saw as the illness. He looked at her and the offense he had taken at first vanished.

"You... might be right," he said, barely over a whisper.

"I probably am," she smiled.

"And what makes you think that?" He returned the smile, but it faded when her expression became serious.

"Because I usually am when I don't want to be," she said sadly and looked down on the floor. There was a short silence.

"Anders... I know you don't know me well and that you have other friends, but if you need to talk... You can tell me anything." She looked at him again.

Anders suddenly felt lighter than he had done in ages, but when did this become about him? She was the one who learned earlier today that she had lost her home and now she was comforting him. For Maker's sake, this was not right. Determined to lighten the mood, he gave her a slightly suggestive look.

"Anything? Be careful what you offer."

"I said you could tell me. I didn't say I would listen." She gave him a look that made her eyes sparkle with mischief and laughed heartily.

"Why, you little..." He threw a very small frostshock at her, only enough to make her shiver and she gave a small yelp. She laughed again and when her eyes became watery, he laughed even harder. The rest of the night, they talked about nothing of consequence, meaningless stories and general small talk.


	7. Chapter 7 Desires

**Desires**

Hawke had been worried about Leila the entire night and had barely slept at all. He was sure that she was safe with Anders. Otherwise, he would have heard something by now. She was so angry with him and why wouldn't she be? What he had done was unforgivable. How did he end up in this mess in the first place anyway? His father had taught him better than that. But that didn't matter now. What did matter was making sure that he could do anything for Leila possible. He was sitting in the study staring into the fire when Leandra came in.

"You haven't slept at all have you?" she asked as she gave him a cup of tea.

"No... I feel so guilty. Leila is stuck here because of me. I want to help her, but I don't know how." He rubbed his face with his hands. Leandra sat down in the chair next to him.

"She is such a sweet girl. She reminds me of Bethany sometimes. So gentle, polite and such a thirst for knowledge. Let her continue to live here."

"You just enjoy having a pretty girl you can show off to the nobles. I know how you Hightown women are, always trying to be matchmakers," he teased.

"I do enjoy having her here. As for you helping her... You could help her by teaching her about this world. Help her get a new beginning and let her know that she is not alone."

Hawke sat still for a moment and then a grin formed on his face.

"Mother, have I told you that you are the most brilliant woman I know?" he said with a big grin, kissed her cheek and ran out the door before Leandra could even ask him where he was going. She shook her head and took a sip of her tea. It was nice to have some life in the house again and for the first time in three years thinking of Bethany didn't seem as painful.

* * *

Leila awoke the next morning. She stretched and when she opened her eyes it all came rushing back. She could hear the rain pouring and the water running through Darktown and down into the sewers. It was comforting if it wasn't for the memory of where she was. She felt a little better knowing that Hawke had been worried about her, so she supposed that she still had a place to live... for the time being. But the worried feelings were still there and were not likely to go away anytime soon. She felt a pain in her back. All in all, she was definitely not the unluckiest person in Kirkwall. People living down here had it far worse. Perhaps she should be a little more grateful. She got up and gave a low groan as her back ached.

"I know they are not very comfortable. Sorry about that." Anders smiled at her and went back to working on some potions. How long had he been up? Had she snored? Had he heard her snore? Or drooled? The thought alone was enough for her to be mortified. No one had seen her sleep in over two years. She decided not to think of it.

"You gave me a place to sleep and I'm grateful. I should show some sympathy. You sleep on them every night."

"You get used to it. Besides, when I escaped from the Circle I rarely had a bed," he smiled.

"You speak as if it happened more than once?"

"I escaped seven times," he chuckled a little.

"Seven?! You'd think they would get tired of going after you and just let you run. A terrible waste of human resources," she teased and he laughed.

"I guess we'll better get you home," Anders said, but immediately regretted it after seeing the mournful expression on her face. He cursed himself for his choice of words.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

"It's alright. I have to get use to the idea sooner or later. I just don't think I can face Hawke just yet."

"I know you are angry with him, but he does care about you. Leandra as well. She must be worried for you."

Of course... Leandra. Why didn't she think of her? She had been so kind to her since her arrival and this was how she repaid her? It was clear to Leila that one of the reasons for this kindness was that she had lost her daughter. Leila should take comfort in the fact that there was someone willing to look out for her and it was nice to be appreciated for just being around. Being around Leandra made her miss her own mother less.

"You are right... I just don't know how to get back to Hightown. We took the basement down here, but I don't have a key for the cellar door."

"It's alright. I'll show you back. We better get going, before the rain starts again."

"Why do you worry about the rain? I thought feathers repelled water," she winked as she gave him a teasing smile and he just shook his head. At times, she was almost as silly as Hawke. Wonderful... all he needed in his life was another impulsive person who was capable of goading him and teasing him into insanity. Now she was stuck here because of Hawke's stupidity. Justice, however, seemed strangely confident that justice would be done in time. Death had indeed not been a demon. Justice would have recognized him as such. Little did it matter now. Thankfully, Hawke seemed to live up to his responsibility and took care of Leila. Anders just hoped that he would not take advantage of her, but at least, now, one of his unending lines of responsibilities was taken care of.

As they were walking through Darktown, Leila began to see how bad things really were there. If it was not for Hawke's (hopefully continuing) generosity she would be down here with them. Living in filth and falling asleep to the sound of children crying of hunger. She decided that she would find a way to make a difference for these people. They continued up to Lowtown and they could see the black clouds getting closer. The merchants at the bazaar were removing their wares and getting home for the day. It was unlikely that they would sell anything with the weather being as it was. Anders and Leila had only just reached Hightown when the rain started pouring. They just managed to take shelter from the rain where it overlooked Lowtown and the Gallows. Leila stood at the railing looking down at the view.

"Were you in the Circle down there?"

"No, thankfully not. I was in the Circle in Ferelden." He stood beside her and he could feel Justice stir at the sight of the Gallows.

"It is worse here, then?"

"Yes... The circle is an injustice over all of Thedas, but the Knight-Commander is far more vigilant here," he said grimly, remembering the last words Karl ever spoke. Leila sensed his tension and since she had no desire to offend him again, she let the topic go. She looked out at the rain that was now really pouring down. She always loved the rain. It cleaned the air somehow and brought change with it, leaving everything feeling new and refreshed. Leila smiled as she decided to do something she hadn't done since she was a child. She walked out into the rain and raised her face towards the clouds, enjoying as the rain touched her face. She smiled, enjoying the sensation. Anders looked at her with disbelief.

"What **are** you doing?" he smiled at her expression.

"Enjoying the rain, of course," she stated as if standing there getting soaked was the most normal thing in the world.

"Get back here before you get sick," he replied with a little concern in his voice.

"For bliss like this I would gladly die a slow agonizing death," she sighed with content.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head at some point when you got here?" he chuckled teasingly.

"It feels like a thousand kisses on my skin," she smiled, completely ignoring his insult. That did it. By her mentioning something as intimate as a kiss, he noticed the way her white soaked shirt embraced her body. He thanked the Maker she was wearing that black corset or his thoughts would have become less gentleman-like. Her hair was now completely wet and was embracing her face in the most charming way. It was framing it and showing off every sweet facial feature. It was only enhanced by the way her cheeks were flushed and her lips red. He averted his eyes before she realised that he was practically gaping at her. Anders looked at her again when she began humming an unfamiliar tune. She looked at him, her eyes full of mischief and there was something almost childish about her. She began twirling around in the rain as she started to sing, though not very loud. She was practically laughing (at herself most likely) and Anders couldn't help, but chuckle. Her singing wasn't pretty, but he suspected it was because she didn't bother to make it so. It reminded him of one of the first times he had escaped the Tower. He had been fifteen and hadn't seen the sky in three years. The joy he felt resembled the one Leila was displaying… though not quite as vigorously. When was the last time he had appreciated anything as simple as the weather? He remembered enjoying getting out on the Wounded Coast and away from the smells of Kirkwall, but beyond that, simple pleasures seemed few and far between.

Leila didn't care that this was embarrassing. After all she had been through, she needed to feel happy. She knew she must have looked foolish and to preserve some sort of dignity, she made it look as foolish as possible. At least being foolish on purpose was not as embarrassing as if it was unintended. When she stopped twirling, Anders walked towards her, shook his head, but had a grin on his face.

"Come. I better get you home before you catch a cold."

"Aaaawww… and here I was so proud of my performance," she fake pouted and Anders laughed.

When they got to the mansion, Bodahn opened the door, urging them to come inside and out of the rain. Leila was absolutely soaked, but Anders had only gotten damp. Leandra came out into the hallway. Her expression was one of motherly concern and Leila was beyond happy to see her.

"You poor dears. Leila, you better go up and change before you get a cold. Then, I'll make you some tea to warm you up."

"Thank you. I'll go right now." Leila walked past her, but Leandra gently stopped her with her hand on her arm and smiled warmly.

"It's good to have you home."

Tears started forming in Leila's eyes and she wanted to hug Leandra. It made everything a little bit better that there was one person who cared for her so much even after such a short while. Instead of hugging her, Leila gave her a small peck on the cheek and Leandra smiled warmly and urged her to change again before she got cold. She then turned to Anders.

"And you, young man, why don't you take off your coat and we can leave it to dry by the fire?"

"Thank you, but that is not necessary."

"Oh yes, it is. Garret told me that he is unable to send Leila back to her world and that she was angry with him. He also told me that you were kind enough to look after her. The least I can do is make sure that you'll get warmed up and dried. Hawke will be by with the others a little later."

"Yes, he told me to bring Leila here and that I should wait here until he came back with the others. Do you have any idea what this is about?"

"Not at all. He is very impulsive, like his father before him. He became wiser as he got older, though. You remind me of him… my husband."

"Thank you. From what Hawke has told me, he was a good man."

"The best."

He followed Leandra into the sitting room and took off his coat and outer robes, leaving his shirt on. Leandra then hung them to dry by the fire. She then asked Orana to make some tea for them.

"Garret admires you, Anders, and takes a great deal of inspiration from you," she smiled.

"Ha… you'd think he would take my advice more often then," he chuckled with a slight hint of disbelief.

"He didn't even listen to his father… After you saved Carver's life, he has tried to better himself. I thought it was getting better, but now this business with Leila. I shouldn't have laid so many responsibilities on him."

"You could not have known what …." Anders tried to console her, but was interrupted by Leila coming down the stairs. Her hair was still wet, but now loose and she was only wearing a pair of trousers and a shirt. She was pretty and Anders had to look away. The thought of this woman living under the same roof as Hawke was too much for him to bear. It would only be a matter of time before this woman snuck into Hawke's heart like so many others before her. She would become another reminder to Anders that he would never again get what his heart desired.

"There, now I'm dry for the most part… Leandra, I don't know what Hawke has told you, but my circumstances have changed. I understand if…"

"You are an Amell now, dearest. You belong right here with us," Leandra smiled, but Leila's face turned sad and remorseful. Anders couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"I am not your daughter. I wish I was, but…" Leandra stopped her again and took her by her shoulders.

"I know that. Nothing can give me my little girl back. I want you to stay with us not only because Garret is responsible for stranding you here, but because you are a sweet and clever girl. And I'm going to do my very best to make you start a life here."

Leila's eyes started to water and this time she hugged Leandra. They then went into the dining room to get some tea.


	8. Chapter 8 New beginnings

**New beginnings**

Leila looked at Anders. He looked so much smaller without his feathered coat. It was so different to what she was used to and even in Thedas, it seemed to stand out. She had to admit she liked it. Then again, she used to like Goth-types when she was younger. Perhaps she was just odd that way. The two of them heard the noise and laughter of several people and Hawke came into the dining room followed by six others. She recognized them as Hawke's friends, but the red-haired woman in the heavy armour she hadn't seen before. Hawke's eyes locked with Leila's and Anders again had to turn away.

"Leila, this is Aveline. The Guard Captain of Kirkwall."

Leila greeted Aveline and smiled at her firm grip. Leila was glad that the women Hawke knew were independent and apparently, women had the same rights here as men. Hawke asked his companions to sit down around the dining table and sat down next to Leila. He gave her a serious look.

"Leila, I know what I have done to you is unforgivable, but I am going to do everything in my power to make amends for it. You can live here for as long as you want and Varric, if you please..."

Varric took forth a piece of paper and had a big grin on his face. He handed it to Leila.

"Here you go, Sunshine." She smiled at the new nickname and looked at the paper.

"Thank you, Varric. Wait... This is a birth certificate for Leila Amell... You forged a birth certificate for me?"

"Not me, but I do have contacts," Varric winked.

"I didn't even know you had birth certificates," Leila looked at them with surprise.

"Only nobles do and you are now fully an Amell. Welcome to the family, cousin," Hawke chuckled.

"My condolences, Leila," Aveline replied and that earned a small laugh from Leila. She then looked at Hawke again.

"If you think this is going to make up for..."

"Oh, I don't, but I have more up my sleeve. You see I might be an idiot, but I have loyal friends. We are going to help you get used to living here," Hawke smiled, and Leila found that she could not continue to be angry with him and hugged him, who was all too happy to return it. She let go when Sebastian made a small cough and she turned to face him.

"I know you value knowledge and I would like to offer my services to you and help you study."

"Your services, huh? Doesn't that sound interesting?" Isabela winked suggestively.

"What do you... oh..." By that realisation, Sebastian blushed and stroked the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable, but Leila just laughed.

"Oh, you can practically hear the air sizzling with the sexual electricity," Isabela laughed and Sebastian blushed even more. In response, Hawke sent a bolt of electricity through the room, hitting a statue and Isabela laughed heartily. Leila, on the other hand, looked stunned for a moment, then got up and bolted out of the room. For a moment Hawke feared he might have scared her off, but instead, Leila came back with a device unlike anything he had ever seen. She had a huge smile on her face. She seemed to be dismantling the device.

"Hawke, I want you to try something for me. Do you see this little square? I want you to hit it with the slightest amount of electricity."

"What is it?" Hawke looked at it with astonishment.

"It is a device called a cell phone. You might have magic, but my people have technology. Don't worry, it's not scary or dangerous, just a tool. Now, please try it?" she smiled. Hawke rolled up his sleeve and let the tiniest spark of electricity flow from his fingers into the device. Leila quickly put the battery back in its place and tried to turn on her phone. When it worked, she all but screamed in excitement and gave Hawke a kiss, making the entire room laugh.

"See, Anders, you are not the only one who can pleasure women with electricity!" Hawke laughed and Anders groaned. Leila quirked an eyebrow and had a smile on her face.

"Do I want to know?" she smiled.

"Oh, you see, sweetness, he does this thing where...," Isabela began.

"No... just no." Anders looked away a little shyly.

"He blushes! Now I **definitely **want to know!" Leila laughed, joined by the rest of the group and with a groan, Anders stood up and walked away from the table.

Anders stood in the corner watching as Leila and the others were talking, thankfully leaving this subject of his bedroom abilities alone. Anders looked at the way Hawke fawned all over Leila and felt his blood boil slightly. He had laughed when she had kissed him, but in truth, a part of him ached at the sight, making his stomach knot. He didn't notice Merrill was standing next to him.

"You like him don't you?" she asked in a low voice and Anders was taken aback by the question.

"What makes you think that?"

"He's clever, strong and wonderful, and I have seen the way you have been looking at him lately… You are not the only one who is a little jealous of Leila, you know," she said in a sad voice, tears were forming in her eyes.

"Merrill, I...," Anders tried, but...

"Come over here you two instead of glowering in a corner," Hawke smiled, gesturing them to come over.

Leila was showing them paintings that she called pictures on her phone. Showing them a glimpse of her world on a device they did not understand, she said it was not magic and indeed, none of the mages could sense any magic coming from it. Aveline left quickly. This was just one of those things she did not want to know about. She was too practical for it. The others, however, looked with interest and were even more intrigued when sounds emanated from it. Anders had first been intrigued by the device, but now he just looked at Hawke and Leila. He left shortly after. This was more than his already tormented heart could bear.

* * *

Anders awoke again from his dreams. Not the darkspawn dreams, but dreams of desire, passion and even love. It made his entire body ache and sent a longing through his body that was better forgotten. He was dangerous and the cause of mages was his first priority. He could not pursue this needing ache no matter how much his dreams tormented him. Besides, he had seen Hawke and Leila together and the connection between them was unmistakable. He felt jealousy replacing the ache. This would not do. He could not waste his time on such idle fantasies. He got up and started tending to his clinic and his plans for the mage underground.

He was sitting at his desk working on his manifesto. Leila's words were still nagging in the back of his mind. How could someone so passive and logical be so infuriatingly frustrating? Since that day, he had been going over it again and again and again. He had worked so hard on the blighted thing and now it seemed so inadequate. Perhaps he was overreacting. It was meant for the people of Thedas and not her. Yet, it kept nagging him and thoughts of her words made his blood boil. Anders knew it was not only Leila's words that were reason for his hostility, but her relationship with Hawke. He crumbled the paper in his hand and lit it on fire shortly after dropping it on the floor, putting it out with his boot. He heard the door to his clinic open. He smiled when he saw Hawke enter, but got slightly worried when he saw the serious look on his face.

"Hawke, is something wrong? Or have you used up all the salve I gave you last time?" he teased.

"Well, at least I have a reason to use it. What would life be without pleasurable risks?" Hawke winked and Anders just shook his head.

"You are as bad as Isabela... I assume you have a reason for visiting?"

"Like I need a reason to pester people, but now that you mention it, yes."

He walked closer to Anders' desk and rested against the table and then gave him a serious look.

"It's about Leila."

Anders groaned slightly. That was a subject he would rather not discuss with Hawke.

"What? You don't like her? It's because she insulted your manifesto isn't it?" Hawke teased.

"She told you? Of course she told you... never mind... what about her?"

"I'm worried about her. She is not herself. She is stuck in her room all day and only comes out for her lessons. She doesn't smile or laugh and I don't know what to do. She doesn't even cry. It's like she isn't there. Mother has tried talking to her, but I don't think Leila wants to burden her. And I'm... well... me."

"It's hardly surprising after all she has been through and it's only been two weeks since she found out she was stuck here. I really can't imagine why you would need my help with this." Anders looked down at his desk, really not interested in continuing this discussion.

"You understand it, Anders. Listen to what you just said. I just want you to talk to her and come with me to the Hanged Man. She really needs to get out, taking her mind off things and knowing that she can make friends easily." Hawke looked very seriously at Anders.

"I really don't know, Hawke. I...," Anders sighed.

"Please... as a favour to me?" Hawke gave a teasing smirk. Damn him, he could convince anyone with that grin.

"Alright," Anders sighed while shaking his head in defeat.

"Good... that wasn't so hard now, was it? Come with me," Hawke said lightly as he punched Anders' shoulder in a brotherly fashion.

At the Hanged Man people were already gathered in Varric's suite. Even Sebastian had shown up that evening and was sitting next to Leila, no doubt telling her about how glorious the Chantry was, Anders grumbled to himself. She could not stay out of the mage debate forever. He would provoke her to make a decision instead of that diplomatic game she was playing without saying either yes or no. His trail of thought was broken when Hawke gave him a nudge between his ribs and gesturing him to sit down. Hawke went over and sat next to Isabela who was sitting just opposite to Leila. For a while they talked about meaningless nothings. It seemed that every time Leila was asked about something slightly controversial she would wiggle out of it with subtle hints and a lot of compromising arguments. It was driving Anders insane and he could feel Justice's unrest all the way to his fingertips. He needed to get her to make a decision about the mages.

"So, Leila, have you been reading about the Circle of Magi?" he asked, and this caused both Hawke and Isabela to grunt.

"Yes, I have. As well as the Chantry, Tevinter and the blights," she looked at him fearing what would come next.

"And what conclusion have you made?" he almost accused.

"Leave Sunshine alone, Blondie," Varric tried.

"This wasn't what I meant when I said talk to her," Hawke grumbled.

"She has to take sides sooner or later," Anders stated passionately.

"And you would have her take yours," Fenris accused through grinding teeth.

"Just because **your **Master was cruel, it doesn't mean that all mages should suffer," Anders growled as he stood up, his hands leaning on the table and giving Fenris a deadly stare.

"But some do pose a danger," Aveline agreed.

"And they are not suffering. They are being protected by the Chantry," Sebastian said with offense. Anders was glaring, a red colour spreading through his face, but just as he was about to counter with a response, Leila spoke up.

"I think we should lock up all men," she stated calmly and they all looked at her. Anders, Fenris and Sebastian stared with disbelief, while Hawke chuckled slightly by the sight of the three stunned men.

"Then we would get some peace and quiet," Varric smiled teasingly.

"I would rather have them tied up and covered in whipped cream," Isabela laughed and by then, Anders had found his voice.

"Would you care to elaborate?" he said crossing his arms and looking at her with suspicion.

"Well, of course. Aveline, how often do you get reports of rape and domestic violence?" Leila looked very neutral and her voice calm and analytical.

"Several times a week," Aveline answered not quite sure where this was going.

"And how many of these are committed by men?"

"All," Aveline responded, still unsure.

"Alright. There are probably men who have been assaulted by women, but this happens rarely and is probably not reported. Let us not focus on that however."

"Where are you going with this?" Anders eyed her, not sure if she was joking or not.

"Patience... Well, men pose the most danger to society and to women, children and other men. If we were to lock up all men, the crime rate, rape and domestic violence would be heavily decreased. That way, we could make a safer society," Leila stated calmly. Anders could feel Justice stirring, but he was curious about where she was going with this and held his tongue.

"What about sex?" Hawke asked slightly mortified.

"Now, we don't need men for sex, now do we, Isabela?" Leila looked at the pirate, who recognized the twinkle in Leila's eyes she was currently hiding from the male members of the company. Isabela decided to play along.

"Certainly not. Especially if I can get **you** to keep me company, sweetness," she purred and Leila gave a satisfied smile to Hawke.

"And what about reproduction?" Hawke stated almost gloating with his brilliance, thinking he caught a flaw in her plan.

"Not a problem. We can of course go to the prisons and choose a mate with the qualities we women should desire. The men who are not chosen or have some sort of unwanted quality can be castrated and used as guards." Anders would have been furious if he had not at that moment caught a small twinkle of mischief in her eyes. She was planning something and he was not sure what, but although willing to see where this game of hers led. Fenris, unfortunately, did not see it.

"Oooohh... we could have the largest brothel in Thedas. Think of all the coin we could make," Isabela cooed with excitement.

"You would make us slaves?!" Fenris growled.

"No, I would be protecting society," Leila stated just as calmly.

"You can't be serious?" Sebastian said with a voice full of mortification.

"Why not? Society would be more peaceful, the crime rate reduced, we would ensure that the best genetic material would be passed on to future generations and there would probably be less war. Or, do you doubt the information provided by the Guard-Captain, that most criminals are men?" Leila challenged and Sebastian turned almost red and laughed with disbelief. He could not fathom these words coming out of a woman who seemed so kind and diplomatic. How could she suggest something this absurd?

"You cannot condemn all men for the actions of some," he stated with disbelief and a little desperation in his voice. It was then that Leila smiled and her eyes became kind.

"You are right, I can't. That would not be fair and in the end society benefits from diversity." She got up and gave Sebastian a small peck on his cheek in the hope that it would calm him. She was smiling as she turned to walk out the room and gave Anders a knowing look. Varric, Isabela and Hawke were roaring with laughter as Fenris and Sebastian looked stunned. Their faces were priceless as the nature of the discussion was understood. Anders felt a little embarrassed about accusing Leila. She had made her opinion known without as much as using the words mage or templar. His pulse was quickening and he couldn't help but smile. She was certainly something else. Anders' relief turned to regret when Hawke got up and went after her downstairs where she was standing at the bar. Hawke chuckled as he walked up behind her.

"You calculating little minx. I have never seen Fenris or Sebastian so put out," he grinned.

"Well, dear ser, I have no idea what you are talking about." She gave a bright smile and mischief was gleaming in her eyes. The bartender passed a bottle of whisky over the table. Hawke looked at the bottle and then at her as she was smiling.

"Peace offering?" he asked.

"Indeed, but I think I might need to come up with something else for Sebastian. I fear I might have rattled his cage a little. Will you take the glasses?" She smiled though there was a little concern in her voice. They went upstairs and Hawke was truly impressed with her wit. They met Anders in the hallway.

"I wanted to talk to you, Leila. Do you have a moment?"

"Of course. Garrett, would you give this to the others? I'll be right there," she smiled sweetly at Hawke and Anders cringed when he heard her using Hawke's first name. Hawke nodded and gave Anders a smile. Hawke took comfort in the fact that he could always count on Anders.

"I owe you an apology. It was unfair to accuse you like that," Anders sighed, looking down at the floor.

"It's alright. I can only begin to imagine how much the mages matter to you. No one should be punished for someone else's actions, no matter how horrible those might be. You don't need to apologize for being passionate or being who you are." She smiled at him as he looked at her. This time, there was no mischief, but a pure honesty he had forgotten she was capable of. Leila touched him lightly on the arm and went into the suite. Maker, what would he do about her? He had so many reasons to keep her at a distance and because of her closeness with Hawke, he should avoid her like the Blight. But just when he had decided to do this, she turned the tables on him and was a sweet as the day he met her. As he saw her sit down next to Hawke, the jealousy came back and he left.

Hawke looked at Leila and she seemed so much better. She was laughing, joking and was intrigued whenever she learned something new. After Fenris let go of her little stunt, they seemed to have a very good discussion. She was respectful and tried to see his point of view, which Fenris seemed to appreciate greatly. She might have a little trouble with Fenris at times, but other than that she would fit right in. Another proud member of his merry band of misfits.

* * *

_Author's note: Thanks to Aelenor for correcting my mistakes:)_


	9. Chapter 9 Puppy eyes

Puppy eyes

Another month pasted and things seemed to be getting back to normal. Hawke would run around doing various errands for the citizens of Kirkwall. Not to mention Hubert and the mine. If it wasn't for Hawke those poor ferelden workers would have no pay, no safety or equipment. He had to pay for it himself, because Hubert was too greedy. And then there was the business with Bartrand. Thank the Maker they had brought Anders with them that night. Varric had been very upset after that, understandably enough. The only good thing to come out of that mess was that some of the furniture from the estate had been given to Anders. Leila had suggested it to Hawke after remembering her own night in Darktown. Anders now had a little bedroom in the back of the clinic. It had been a fun day dragging fancy, bloodstained furniture through Hightown all the way down to Darktown. Leila had joked that her reputation had been dented before she was even known as a lady.

Leila had been studying mostly, but had also gotten to know Kirkwall somewhat better. She would go visit Merill, who she seemed to have become quite close to, and study Dalish history. Sebastian would still come and read with her, but seemed a little more cautious around her the first few times. Leila had even convinced Fenris to tell her about Tevinter and they had started reading together. She would go and visit Isabela and go into different shops. Leandra was teaching Leila how to be a proper lady Amell. Teaching her all the protocols a young noble lady should know, Garrett was even forced to help teaching her how to dance. Leandra was even adamant in having Leila probably introduced into the noble society and was nagging Garrett about accepting some of the invitations the noble parties. Anders however had kept his distance and when they saw him he was always standing in a corner. Garrett knew something was wrong and he was determined to find out what. He walked past the study were Leila and Merrill was giggling. It was nice to see those two getting so close. It knocked on the door and Bodahn opened. Fenris walked in and looked slightly out of sorts when he saw Hawke.

"Fenris, back for another lesson already?"

"Hello Hawke. Yes, Leila is very intend on having lessons often." Fenris stated.

"Yes, I bet she will have made scholars of us all if we don't find something else to occupy her soon." Hawke chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Leila smiled standing in the doorway.

"Your thirst for knowledge, you really should learn to have some fun." He chuckled and she just shook her head.

"I'll go get the books in my room and I'll be right back, Fenris." Leila smiled and ran up the stairs. The look Fenris gave her as she walked up the stairs was noticed by both Hawke and Merrill who started laughing.

"What?" Fenris grumbled.

"Every time Leila walks away you stare at her with those sad puppy eyes." Merrill giggled.

"There are no puppy eyes." Fenris grumbled again.

"Please, Fenris. It is only a matter of time before you start drooling as well." Hawke chuckled and Fenris grunted and walked into the library. In the three months Leila had been there she was quickly liked by everyone. Well except for Anders and Hawke couldn't fathom why. He looked at Merrill who became shy and slightly flushed as he smiled at her. Maker, she was adorable. He cleared his throat.

"I was on my way to visit Anders, do you want to walk with me down to Lowtown?"

"Yes... I mean that would be nice." She turned away afraid she had sounded too eager.

They said goodbye to Leila and walked out the door. The first half of the walk they talked about nothing in particular, but Hawke new that Merrill was somehow blaming herself for what happened to Leila. That would not do.

"You seem to get along with Leila." He started.

"Oh yes. I like her very much, she is a very sweet girl, Hawke."

"Not as sweet as you though." He smiled and she flushed. He took her gently by the arm and dragged her into an alleyway in Lowtown.

"Merrill, I'm worried about you. You have seemed awfully sad lately. Is there anything I can do?" Perhaps he was not so bad at being considerate as he thought. In his eyes Merrill was the embodiment of innocents and he would do anything to keep her safe and happy.

"It's kind of you to ask, but I'm fine." She smiled, but it never reached her eyes.

"It was not your fault what happened to Leila, Merrill. It was mine and I don't want you to worry about it." He said seriously.

"You couldn't have known. You tried to make your mother happy and you had no idea that you would be sacrificing someone else's life." Her voice and eyes was so full of concern. Hawke looked down at her and all he wanted to do was bow down and kiss her. He had to remind himself that this was not Isabela. Merrill would take it very seriously and he didn't want to break her heart. He cared for her and before he knew just what that meant he was not going to go any further. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"I'll better get going and make sure that Anders hasn't lost it completely." He smiled, but Merrill seemed a little distressed.

"Oh... alright... I'll see you later Hawke." She almost stumbled over the words and then walked away.

Hawke started walking to Darktown with determination in his steps. Something was bothering Anders and he had been almost rude to Leila. As much as he liked Anders, Leila had become family and he was not allowing anyone to treat her that coldly. As he walked into the clinic Anders was treating a young girl who seemed to have a cough of some kind. Hawke sat down in a chair and patiently waited for the girl to be cured. When Anders turned around he raised an eyebrow and looked surprised.

"Hawke? I didn't hear you come in."

"I must have picked up some subtlety and sneakiness from Isabela." Hawke smiled.

"Sneaky maybe, but subtle is not Isabela's or your strength." Anders teased.

"True. So how have you been Anders?"

"Good, I just love what the knight-commander has done with the place. She is out of control! Even her own people have been talking about it." His voice was filled with dry sarcasm.

"Hasn't she always been crazy? What is different now?"

"She has been pressing the mages harder. Midnight raids on mages families. Everyone I know has been forced into hiding so they won't be made tranquil." Hawke heard the desperation in his voice.

"They won't have any of us Anders. Not you, me or Merrill." Hawke answered hoping it would calm Anders. The last thing he wanted was a conversation with Justice.

"It's not just about us, Hawke. It is about all mages and it's only a matter of time before they turn on all of us." Anders sighed hopelessly.

"Well, we could intercept the lyrium trade and poison all the templars." Hawke grinned hoping to make Anders feel better.

"Now there's an idea." Anders chuckled lightly.

"I thought so. So... have you been enjoying your new furniture?" Hawke smiled.

"Maker, yes. I have forgotten how good it feels to sleep in a real bed. Thank you for that."

"You shouldn't be thanking me, it was Leila's idea. She also helped us carry that damned bed all the way from hightown down here. Thank the Maker it wasn't a four poster bed."

Anders' face turned grim by the mentioning of her name and turned around sorting some potions on a table nearby.

"Then I will have to thank her."

"What is your problem Anders? Leila is sweet, funny, kind and seems to support mages and you still hate her like the blight! Are you really that scorn because she criticised your manifesto?" Hawke said angrily.

"I don't hate her." Anders sighed.

"Then what is the matter? Every time I bring her along you get bitter and distant. What could she possibly have done..." Hawke then realised that what he had seen in Anders could be jealousy. He felt his throat tighten and got an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. How was he going to wiggle out of this one?

"I'm sorry Anders. I never thought... I mean I know you and Karl were... But I never... ehm... I don't..." Hawke stumbled over the words and Anders sighed still with his back turned.

"I am not in love with you, Hawke. You can relax."

"Phew... what a relief!" Hawke leaned back in the chair as Anders turned and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh don't look at me like that, you know what I meant." Hawke chuckled.

"Thank you. I feel so much better now." Anders replied sarcastically shaking his head.

"But if that wasn't it then why have you been so surely lately... Leila... You like her don't you?" Hawke grinned when Anders turned slightly red, but got confused when he saw the pain in his friends expression. He got up and walked closer to him.

"Hey, Leila is a sweet and pretty girl why do you look like you have been caught by templars?"

"How can you say that? How can you be so calm? You just found out that your friend has feelings for the woman living in **your** house, doesn't that bother you? Or perhaps an abomination isn't much of a threat on that scale." Anders cursed himself for his last remark, but got angry when Hawke started to laugh loudly.

"She is like a sister to me, Anders. Yes she lives in my house, but don't you think that if a liked her that way I would have done something about it by now?" Hawke chuckled trying to calm his laughter. For a moment there was relief on Anders' face, but it then faded again.

"It... doesn't matter anyway. Leila has been through enough she doesn't need an apostate in her life."

"Last time I checked I was an apostate as well. Just get to know her a little better at least. Being her friend is better than nothing until you get over this tortured, apostate self-loathing stage." Hawke smiled clapping his friend on his shoulder.

"Are you ever going to take anything seriously?" Anders sighed.

"Probably not... This is great! We would become related and you two could have Justice babies crawling around tormenting every cat in Thedas with love!" Hawke laughed and Anders looked horrified.

"You can't tell her, Hawke! I mean it! I'm no good for her. Just... just let me deal with this on my own."

"Spoil sport! But fine. Now I'm going to go home. I need your help at the wounded coast in two days, if you don't mind. Got a tip about some mage girl in trouble. See you." Hawke walked out of the clinic cheerful as ever. Anders walked in behind the curtain separating the clinic from his new bedroom and lay down on the bed. What was the matter with him? He hardly knew this girl and already he felt as if he knew her. Anders needed to convince himself that staying away from her was for the best. He would hurt her and could offer her nothing. Sensing his friend's distress Justice tried to convince him that she was a distraction and staying away from her would indeed be for the best. Hopefully he would get over this obsession.

-OOO-

Leila was lying in bed having difficulty falling asleep. She had a trying day with Sebastian. He didn't do anything directly to make her upset, but he was determined to save her in the eyes of the Maker and she had absolutely no interest in it. She had tried to be diplomatic about it, but it only seemed to be encouraging him. She heard a knock on the door and Orana entered.

"I'm sorry to bother you mistress, but there is something wrong with the dog and the Master isn't home."

"It's alright. I'll be right there."

Leila got out of bed in her nightgown and went downstairs. Ziggy was lying on the floor whining. She sat down next to the dog and stroked her calmly.

"Was wrong girl? Are you having your puppies?"

Ziggy gave a low whine as conformation and Leila had Orana bring an old blanket for Ziggy to lie on. An hour went by before Ziggy finally gave birth. Two of the three puppies were stillborn. It was hard for Leila to tell, but they didn't seem to be pure Mabari. When the last puppy stopped breathing Leila panicked. She tried rubbing its chest getting it to breathe and blew a little air at its nose. It gave a small yelp, but Leila knew it was far from well. She kissed Ziggy on her forehead.

"I'm going to save your little one I promise."

She got up and ran towards the cellar door.

"Mistress, where are you going?" Orana asked concerned.

"I'm going down to Anders. If anyone asks for me tell them where I have gone."

"But Darktown? At this hour?"

"I'll be fine. Don't worry." Leila said as she ran through the door and through the cellar. All the way she kept to whisper to the little puppy to hold on. She couldn't be late. She climbed down into darktown and ran knocking on Anders' door. A groggy and alarmed Anders opened the door with his staff in his hand and only wearing a shirt and trousers.

"Leila? Are you alright?" He asked with a surprised, but concerned expression.

"Yes, but the little guy isn't."

She handed him the puppy and they went into the clinic. He placed the blanket with the little puppy on one of the tables and his hands started to glow lightly blue. It still amazed her. It was so beautiful. It was so disappointing that a gift that did so much good had to be kept hidden and locked away. The little puppy stabilised and Leila gave a sigh with relief.

"Is he going to make it?"

"Yes, he will be fine." Anders smiled.

"Thank you." She sighed again as she picked up the little black puppy and snuggled it in the blanket.

"You're welcome. Where there others?"

"Two others, but they were stillborn. This one was the only one born alive."

"Mabari's are usually strong, but I have never come across crosspieces before. It might have weakened them somehow." Anders mused.

"I suppose Hawke didn't pay attention to who the father was." She chuckled.

"No I imagine so. The father is probably a feral dog of some sort."

"Do you hear that little guy? You could be part wolf. You even have a long tail and fluffy fur. You are the cutest little thing in the world." She cooed.

"A dog person. That figures." Anders grumbled with a mock glare.

"Animal person, actually. I love all animals." She smiled.

"**All **animals?" He asked raising an eyebrow with a smirk on his face.

"Well maybe not maggots... eeeww..." She cringed and Anders gave a chuckle. "You are a catperson I take it from that statement." She continued.

"Yes. I had a cat when I was with the wardens. Right until we got a new commander who insisted that he made me too soft. Use to bring him everywhere. Poor Ser Pounce A Lot. He hated the deeproads."

"You brought your cat into a pit of doom? Poor cat. You really are mental." She laughed and Anders smirked.

"Now you sound just like Hawke." He accused.

"Who would have thought that Hawke would have been more reasonable than you?" She teased.

"Don't tease a mage." He warned with a teasing smirk as he raised his hand radiating with cold.

"Hey, that might scare templars, but not me... I envy you a little you know." She said as her expression became serious.

"You envy me? Do tell me, is it the fancy accommodations of Darktown or the popularity of the templars?" He remarked sarcastically.

"Your healing. I know they want to lock you up for it, but that is wrong. You could do so much more good if you were allowed. If I had your gifts then maybe I could have saved someone as well." She sighed and tried to fight the tears in her eyes. Anders would usually comment on the cause of mages, but right now words escaped him as she stood there showing a pain he had no idea where was coming from. He placed his and gently on her shoulder, but instantly regretted it as a surge of electricity went through him causing his heart rate to double. It didn't become easier when he realised that she was wearing nothing but a thin nightgown, revealing every curve and the cool air making her nibbles show ever so slightly through the fabric. Maker, what was she doing to him?

"I'll better get this one home to his mother. Thank you Anders and sorry for waking you." She smiled and took his hand giving it a small squeeze before starting to exit the clinic.

"You're welcome, if you ever need anything..." He blurted out slightly cursing himself as the words left his lips. She turned around and smiled at him. His heart still racing as her kindness was reflected on her sweet smile and in her green eyes.

"Actually, would you mind if I help out in the clinic from time to time. If it wasn't for Hawke I would have ended up down here with these poor people. I want to try and make a difference."

"Your help would be appreciated." How he wished he didn't need it, while rejoicing the fact that he did at the same time. He was sinking fast and he was not sure he remembered how to swim. She smiled and went out the door taking a piece of his heart with her, probably without knowing it.

"_You know she will be a distraction."_ Justice stated.

"I know, but Maker I can't help myself... and we could use the help."

"_Yes, she does seem to be efficient and her curiosity could become an asset. Just be careful my friend."_


	10. Chapter 10 Assumptions

Another two months pasted and Leila seemed to be adjusting to life in Kirkwall. She had learned so much in such a small amount of time, that Hawke had hired a scholar to teach her. Hawke and Leandra kept spoiling her and though she appreciated it, she really wanted to be financially independent. She had found a way to do it, but no one beyond Varric knew about it. He had turned out to be a good and trustworthy friend. Leandra had begun talking about Leila getting introduced into society and Hawke had taken her to a few noble parties. She had to admit, as much as a tomboy she pretended to be, she absolutely loved those dresses. She felt absolutely beautiful in them and Hawke boasted about his lovely cousin, whenever he got the chance. Undoubtedly just because it made her blush and so he could laugh at her. Most of her spare time she spend with Merrill, talking about dalish history, teaching Fenris how to read and of course helping Anders. She had to admit that she had got quite infatuated with him. He was kind, generous and passionate. And whenever he looked at her, there was something in his eyes that she could not quite place. Unfortunately she had heard about his previous relationship, with a man named Karl. And though Isabella confirmed that, as far as she knew, he preferred women, it had left a doubt in her mind. Everyone else seemed to be taken with Hawke or Isabella and she felt that she paled in comparison. On the other hand Anders didn't seem interested in anything, beyond his cause and helping the refugees." _Great, I met the Thedas equivalent of Robin Hood and I have no idea how to handle it._" She sighed to herself. It had been so long since she had done this and she was feeling beyond rusty. The puppy that Anders had saved was growing stronger every day. A breeder had confirmed that the puppy was indeed part wolf. This meant it had the Mabaris intelligence and loyalty, but the feral nature of the wolf. It listened to one master and that master **only**. To others it was potentially dangerous. Leila had named it Ebony after its black long fur. As luck would have it, the now eight week old puppy, had imprinted on Leila. Ebony followed her **everywhere**. This had actually pleased Hawke. When it was large enough it could protect her and that took a great load of his mind.

Leila was walking out of the basement, as she had agreed to help Anders today. She had brought her portfolio with her. When things were slow she would sit and draw, while he would write his manifesto or make potions. They actually got along very well after the incident with Ebony, she had no idea why his behaviour had changed. She had asked Hawke, but he had claimed he didn't know, though the grin he had on his face told a different story. She always looked forward to Anders' company. Today however it seemed to be a different story completely. When she entered he was pacing back and forth with an almost furious expression. She cleared her throat to let him know she was there, but the icy glare he gave her made her regret it.

"Hi Anders..." She smiled hoping it would calm him. He continued to give her that same icy glare and looked down at Ebony.

"Do you really have to bring that mangy beast here?" He spat and in responds Ebony growled.

"Shh... down boy. He doesn't mean it. He is just angry about something, I'm sure he will tell us if he feels like it." She said partly to the dog and partly to Anders.

"Come and sit down." He snapped and pointed at one of the cots. She was very surprised, but did as he asked. As angry as he was, there was some concern in his voice. When she sat down, he started moving his hands over her with healing magic.

"Anders, what are you doing?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm checking you for a rash and other diseases." He stated still angry.

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine. Honestly... What's wrong with you today?" She asked concerned.

"There have been going several diseases around the Blooming Rose. I am making sure you haven't contracted any." Anders snapped. And realisation dawned on her and she smiled lightly.

"Anders, I haven't been sleeping with whores from the rose. I have been working." She smiled, but then realised what it had sounded like. Anders face turned possibly even more red, but before she could explain he roared.

"I can't believe you! Hawke has given you everything! Money, title and a bloody mansion live in. They treat you like family! What could possibly posses you, to become the new addition at the blooming rose?" His nostrils were flaring and rage plain on his face. Leila didn't know if she should laugh or roar at him, so she ended up doing a bit of both.

"You honestly think I would sell my body? Do I look like a whore to you?" She growled with disbelief and laughed slightly. Anders looked confused, but still angry.

"Don't lie to me! People have seen you enter the rose on several occasions." Anders growled his face so close to hers she could feel his breath. She stood up and starred him in the eyes, not in the least intimidated even as they flickered blue. She pointed to his desk chair.

"Sit!" She ordered and to her surprise he did it. She went to get her portfolio and handed it to him.

"You can't tell anyone about this. Or I swear I will sugar punch so hard that Justice goes back to the fade." She warned and with a grunt of disbelief he took the book and looked through it. He looked up at her with confusion.

"What does this mean?" He asked.

"You are right that Garrett and Leandra have given me everything, but I couldn't bear the thought of living of their charity any longer. So I talked to Varric about making drawings for his stories and he could print them. That way I could earn a little money. Unfortunately that wasn't very much. There is a lot bigger market for drawings of naked women." She stated calmly as his expression changed.

"You mean?" He looked at her with disbelief.

"I have been paying women at the rose, but I have been paying them to pose for me as I draw. Now I have enough references, so I don't have to go there anymore. I know it isn't exactly proper, but I don't have any other skills I can use and it pains me to have to ask Leandra or Hawke for money." She explained and sat down on his desk with a sigh. Anders looked at the drawings and shook his head.

"Why is it that I always end up apologizing to you?" He smiled apologetic at her.

"Because you do the same thing, you always do. You assume and fear things and allow yourself to be carried away by passion." She smiled stroking his arm, hoping her words would not offend him. He looked into her eyes with a softened expression.

"I'm sorry. I was worried about you and didn't want you to get hurt." He confessed and she couldn't help but give a smile that made his heart flutter.

"I'm glad you are looking out for me, but I am a grown woman. And I thought you knew me well enough to know, that I would not sell myself." She gave him a somewhat stern look, but her smile made it seem less so.

"Can you forgive me?" He looked at her pleadingly.

"Of course. I'm not sure about Ebony though. You hurt his feelings." She teased and Ebony gave a cute puppy whine in responds, that made both of them laugh.

"I'm sorry, but remember I saved your life once. And you really are kind of cute... for a dog." Anders smirked and the puppy jumped unto his lap and licked his face.

"He likes you!" Leila laughed.

"Eeeww... I **really** don't like this slobbery love." Anders cringed his face and put Ebony down.

"Does that mean that if **I **were to lick you, you with find it disgusting as well?" Leila blushed _"Where the hell did that come from? More importantly, how do I get out of it?"_

Anders looked at her with surprise for a moment, but to her surprise his eyes began to simmer and he gave her a smirk she had never seen before.

"Not if you extend me the same courtesy." He said suggestively and Leila swallowed hard. She jumped of the table and went towards the potions to sort them out. Anders chuckled at her sudden shyness.

"So... I'm having a party in two days, I thought you might like to come?" She said desperate to change the subject.

"You want me to come to a party with a bunch of nobles?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. You see I have made a fundraiser for the refugees in Darktown." She explained still not looking at him.

"Fundraiser?" He asked surprised.

"Yes, all the nobles will be there and contribute some money. It then goes directly to Loreen's shop. She will be there as well as a representative for the refugees. I thought you might be a good influence to have there as well." She explained. The true reason was that she wanted him to see her in her formal gown. A wish that had not lessened, after what just happened.

"That... sounds like a good idea... Alright, but I don't know for long." He smiled, but her back was still turned. He looked through her portfolio and had to grab on to the table. There was a self-portrait of her draped in nothing but a sheet. It was not as polished as the others, so he figured she had only done this for practise. Even so this was not going to make his night hauntings of her any easier. He quickly closed the book and went over to hand it to her.

"They are very good and again... I'm sorry." He smiled and she finally met his eyes.

"Thank you and it's alright. I understand how it looked. I promise I will be more discreet in the future, if I need to go there again." She smiled kindly and returned to sorting out the potions.

Anders had been right. That night the haunting of her were excruciating. The image of her naked, draped in nothing but a sheet made his ache intensify. The suggestive remark, offering her tongue to touch him... he trembled at the thought. It had already been hard enough, having feelings for her. Especially after the jealous rage he had gone into, when one of the girls from the rose, had told him Leila had been seen there often. The touch she had given him on his arm, might as well have been seared into his flesh. He wanted her. He desired her to the point, where his soul would be unhinged from his body, by the mere pleasure of having her close.

"Blasted! What do I do, Justice?"

_"I thought this was your area of expertise?"_


	11. Chapter 11 Appearances

Appearances

Never had the walk from Lowtown to Hightown seemed so **long**. It seemed that with every third step Anders would stop and turn around. His internal struggle was so painfully obvious, in his behaviour. This became apparent to him in Lowtown, when suddenly an old man walked over to him and placed a bouquet of flowers in his hands. Anders gave him a curious look, but before he could ask the old man spoke.

"Just give her those and a ring and she will say "yes". They always do." He said with a smile patting his shoulder, before walking away leaving Ander dumbfounded.

_"Now, you have done it! She is expecting us to propose!"_ Justice cried in his mind, but it was from nervousness, that would have made his voice croak if it had been spoken out loud.

"She does **not** expect that. We just need to remain calm." Anders replied, but as people started starring at him he realised that he better get out of sight. He had apparently attracted enough attention already, Maker only knows what would happened if he came across a templar in this state. He walked into an abandoned alley and rested against some crates.

"I have to turn back. This was a terrible idea."

"No... this is for the good of the refugees." He reasoned.

"It's a room full of condescending nobles, they don't care if you are there or not." He practically sneered.

"But Leila and Hawke will. And she probably looks beautiful." He sighed with longing.

"More of a reason not to stay away." He argued.

"I wonder what they are serving. I am starving!" He said as his mouth began to water.

"You have the chance to dance with Leila and you are wondering about the menu?!" He scolded himself.

_"__**Would you stop your incoherent ranting!**__"_ Justice roared in his mind and it was only then Anders realised he had been arguing with himself.

"Then what do you suggest Justice?" Anders said with annoyance.

_"Let us go back to the clinic. With any luck she will be offended that we haven't come and we will have spared her a lot of misery."_ Justice said calmly.

"And what of our misery?" Anders asked.

_"My friend... we will never be able to give her the life that she deserves. It would be an injustice to pursue her, when we can never give her what she needs."_ Justice replied with sadness.

"You are right... But it would also be an injustice to make a promise and break it." Anders sighed, before his steps led him to Hightown.

He finally reached the Amell estate and Bodahn opened.

"Master Anders, so good to see you. We were beginning to worry you would not come." The dwarf replied with cheerfulness showing Anders inside.

The living room was completely empty, but he could hear music and people talking from the courtyard.

"Are the flowers for Lady Leila?" Bodahn asked with a smile.

"I guess they are." Ander replied with a blush.

"I will put them in her room. If you would just wait here and I will announce your arrival." Bodahn smiled and walked towards the courtyard. A few minutes later Hawke showed up.

"There you are! Void, the women folk was beginning to fear you have been caught by templars." Hawke smirked.

"I'm sorry I... women folk?" Anders cocked an eyebrow with a grin and Hawke laughed.

"Anders no offense, but you look worse than a hurlock!" Hawke said eying him up and down.

"I'm sorry, renegade apostates, who run free clinics in sewers, do not own the newest and finest from Val Royeaux." Anders replied with offense crossing his arms, but Hawke just smirked.

"Come with me." He said and led Anders up to his private bathroom.

Hawke walked to his closets and pulled out an outfit that was black and crimson.

"Here wash up and put this on. When you are done join us in the courtyard. And don't worry there is a buffet worthy of any warden." Hawke smirked as he threw the clothes at Anders.

Anders washed thoroughly and dressed himself in the new clothes. He could not remember when he had last done either, though it was probably with the wardens. He looked himself in the mirror and tried to gather all his hair in the back. Still some uneven cut pieces of hair evaded the leather band. Anders had to laugh. There was a time where he had put such value in his appearances. Now he looked like exactly what he was, untamed and dangerous. He looked at the clothes he was wearing, that were the complete opposite. The black trousers of fine quality, the crimson shirt of fine Orlisean silk and the black long coat that was embodied with golden thread. He sighed heavily as he began to fear the evening ahead, but started walking out the room and walking down stairs. At the bottom of the stairs he was greeted by Ebony, making sweet puppy barks at him. Anders couldn't help himself and bowed down to gently pet him.

"Don't tell the cats. They will think I have betrayed them." He whispered smilingly to the puppy.

"My my... I must say normally only my boy Sandal and Lady Leila can get near him. He won't allow others to touch him." Bodahn said with amazement.

"I guess we came to a mutual understanding some days ago." Anders chuckled.

"Master Anders, I am sorry to ask you this, but would you perhaps help me... get him locked away? He is terrifying the guests Serah... and me." Bodahn said a little embarrassed and Anders had to suppress a chuckle.

"Of course. Ebony, go up and lie down in your mistress's room and don't come out unless you are called. Do you understand?" Anders told the puppy sternly and it gave a whine before it slowly walked up the stairs with its tail between its legs.

"Don't look like that. I'll make sure to have Leila save some scraps for you." Anders chuckled and he puppy gave a happy yelp, before jumping up the rest of the stairs.

Anders walked into the courtyard and took in the scenery. It was a warm night and the stars where shining. The courtyard was filled with candles and flowers. Leila and Leandra had put a lot of effort into the courtyard, filling it with pots with trees and bushes and had wines grow up the previously barren walls. At the end was a fountain up against the wall, large enough to sit on its side, but not overly so. In it was waterlillies. As Hawke promised, to the right of the courtyard was a grand buffet, which would even make a warden faint with the prospect of eating it all. He groaned inwardly, when he saw Sebastian standing by the buffet talking to the Grand Cleric. _"Sure, when someone else made an effort to help the refugees, they would make an appearance instead of just turning a blind eye."_ Anders forced his eyes away as he could feel Justice rage inside him. Then with just one look Anders gaze paused and the ferocious spirit was left paralyzed. There in the middle of the dance floor was Leila, dressed in a long white and crimson gown, embracing her curves and revealing her bust. Her hair curled and braided into it white pearls and strings that looked like gold. He felt mesmerized as the corset of her dress and her heavy breathing made his eyes lock at her bosom.

_"Show some discretion."_ Justice corrected almost embarrassed.

Anders shook his head and though his gaze was now away from her contours, he could not remove his eyes from her. Eventually it was the comment from a noble, standing nearby ,that awoke him from his state of longing and undisclosed desires.

"I see the Amells continue try and strive their way up in society." One of them remarked and it was then Anders realized that Louise was dancing with Seamus Dumar.

"They will have to. I heard that the current lady Amall eloped. With an apostate none the less." The lady said with disgust.

Anders could feel rage burning in his veins and was not sure if it was his own rage of Justice's that was worse. Just as he was suddenly unaware if this slander of Leila, was upsetting him or Justice more. To his luck Leila curtsies at Seamus as the dance ended and she walked towards Ander with a bright smile.

"You came. I was afraid that you had chickened out along the way." She smiled kindly.

"I almost did." Anders confessed with a laugh, but his discomfort was apparent.

"Hightown gossip is not agreeing with you?" Leila said in a low sympathetic voice and a look from Anders confirmed it.

"Here, come with me. It will not lessen the gossip, but it will leave us indifferent to it." She smiled and took his arm and he bended it to allow her hand to rest on it, as they walked through the courtyard. Anders suddenly thought he recognized one of the servants.

"I know that man. He is one of the refugees." Anders said looking at him.

"Yes, everyone here is people I hired from Darktown. It is not much, but tonight they have gotten some new clothes, some money and they will be able to bring some food home for their families." Leila explained and Anders was awestruck.

"Kind, wise and beautiful, you must have made a deal with some demons yourself." He said in a low seductive tone.

"Why? Are you offering one?" Leila smirked with a teasing glare. For a moment Justice roared.

"**I am not...**" Anders began to compose himself and pulled her slightly towards him.

"I am not a demon." He said quietly.

"I know..." Leila said with a sweet apologetic look, but then mischief formed in her eyes. "Though, it is my experience that most men have a demon tucked away in their pants." She said in a low almost sultry voice. Anders felt his blood boiling for a moment, but composed himself as he retaliated.

"I am not sure that it goes under the definition of a demon." He smirked.

"Really? I have heard men claim that it made them do things without their consent and for that reason they could not be held accountable. I have heard men claim that it can take control of them and make them act on instinct alone." She replied and as if it proved her point Anders stared at her, with his brandy colour eyes that were almost set aflame. His body was aching to embrace her and his mouth watering with a thirst for devouring her. She looked at him with no shyness whatsoever and he wondered, how she had suddenly become so confident. He realised that her confidence only showed when she was teasing, like the day in The Hanged Man where she had left them all speechless. One wrong (or right) word from her lips and he would give into his desire for her, giving the nobles a real reason to gossip. Not to mention shock the Grand Cleric and his mind laughed at the possibly naughty idea.

_"Control yourself. Exhibiting your carnal desires in such a fashion is unbecoming and not worthy of her." _Justice scolded.

Anders agreed reluctantly and cleared his throat as they started to walk again.

"So how did you get this idea in the first place?" He asked desperately trying to change the subject.

"You gave me the idea." She smiled.

"Me?" He asked with astonishment his eyebrows almost touching his hairline.

"Yes, your scoffing at the nobles made me realize something. They only concern themselves with their appearances and will do anything to overdo each other. I thought that I could use this to my advantage. Here they have to compete with each other in generosity, giving them some slight boost in self worth. And those who benefit from it truly need it. It also gave me the opportunity to show the chantry that they could help in other ways instead of spouting their faith and lock up the innocent." Leila explained the last sentence having a fair amount of venom to it.

Once again Ander felt an ache, but this some it was not lust. This time it was love. At the realisation he almost turned pale. He could not love her, having his physical ache for her sated would be one thing, but love would consume him. At this moment he knew, that if he were to claim those velvet lips no force in Thedas could save him. To his luck he saw Lorene and saw his opportunity to flee.

"I'll go and talk to Lorene. You look lovely by the way, perhaps we can talk again later." He said politely as his heart was screaming.

"Of course." Leila smiled and made a curtsy, making him chuckle.

Hawke had been observing his friends, without them knowing. His curiosity barely sated, as he saw how Leila made Anders lose his breath again and again. He was pretty sure that Leila had no idea, what she was doing to the poor man and this made him chuckle. He just wished that for once Anders would do something for himself, before he lost himself completely to the spirit in his soul. Hawke observed, as throughout the evening Anders would not talk to Leila, but observed her and listened to her conversations. Hawke was a little jealous at the moment. Anders was clearly falling deeply in love with Leila and Hawke envied it. There was Isabella of course, but they had a clear understanding that they were nothing, but each other's back scratchers. And what a delightful back scratcher she was. But as he was getting older he wanted something more, like his parents have had. His thoughts jumped to the little shy elf in the alienage. The one who had been shunned by her people and had found little kindness or companionship in her life. He wanted to protect her, making sure that he would fail her like he had Bethany. First he had first believed that he had felt like this about Merill, because her innocence reminded him of Bethany. He had soon realised that some of the ways he thought of her, were not brotherly by any means. Then Carver of course had to go and get a crush on her. Despite what people, and especially Carver, might say, Garret was not as indifferent as assumed. He had kept his distance and instead sought the pleasure of Isabella, but now Carver had been with the wardens for two years. Surely no one could have bad feelings about Garret pursuing Merill now? He pulled himself from his thoughts and walked over to Leila who was having a discussion with the viscount, Seamus, Sebastian and some of the nobles. Anders was not far away, pretending to be focused on his plate, though Hawke didn't doubt that he was listening. He began to wonder how an Anders without justice would have handled this situation. He laughed at the inside at the naughty assumption, that Anders would probably have been rutting her against a wall somewhere. Hawke almost groaned out loud, when he realised he had just joined a Qunari debate. Hawke felt for the Viscount, who was already rubbing his temples.

"... they have been converting more elves. This will only weaken the chantry's stance and should not be allowed." One noble stated determinedly.

"If the elves desire to convert, is it not their choice?" Leila remarked.

"It shouldn't be, when they subdue themselves to heathen oxmen." The noble replied.

"There are not monsters to be feared. They have a great amount of respect for each other and the welfare of all." Seamus argued.

"I agree with Seamus. Their ways may be... unusual, but we argue that they suppress freedom. If we are supposed to be the opposite, should we not allow them to choose for themselves and let them live as they please?" Leila argued and Hawke did not miss the entranced gaze from Seamus or the Viscounts surprise.

"They are barbarians and outlaws." Another noble scuffed.

"Forgive me if I am wrong, but is it not only the Talvashoth, who is by the qun itself condemned outlaws, that have broken any laws?" Leila asked looking at Hawke. The reading and study of Kirkwall had certainly paid off.

"From my experience it is. And they are mostly hiding out on the wounded coast, so they are not in Kirkwall to be exact." Hawke replied and this did not please the nobles.

"In a moment she will say that everyone should be free, even mages." A noble sneered and Hawke looked at Anders. Though Hawke could tell he was bothered, he was having incredibly control over himself.

"I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of belief. Only if we have these things will we be able to assess the world and improve upon it." Leila said.

Hawke looked around and realised that most of the party had suddenly gathered around the conversation. They were all studying the newest Amell and though some looked appalled, most seemed very impressed.

"So we should just let anyone do as they please? Go around murdering people for revenge? We would have anarchy." A noble remarked.

"I said freedom of speech, serah. Not freedom of action." Leila remarked sternly but politely.

"Lady Leila, has a point. The Chantry has failed the elves, perhaps had we been better listeners earlier things would be different." Sebastian smiled standing closer to Leila.

This was not unnoticed Hawke, Leila, Seamus or Anders who was practically simmering from jealousy. Hawke wondered if a cockfight would ensue at any moment, between the three men. Garret found himself thanking the Maker that Fenris wasn't present or they would really have been in trouble. Hawke wondered why so many seemed so fascinated by her and as the conversation turned boring, he found himself categorising it.

"Sebastian: Wants to save her soul.

Seamus: Has finally found someone who might understand his views on the Qunari.

Fenris: She listens to his brooding and is sympathetic to his past.

Anders: She supports freedom for all, including mages, helps the refugee's and makes his skin burn with fever."

Hawke was pulled from his thoughts as the conversation was ended by the Viscount.

"I think we have discussed politics enough for tonight. Thank you for your input Lady Leila, it was interesting and I will think on it." The Viscount said with fondness and Leila smiled kindly.

As the group disbanded Hawke winked at Leila and nudged her with his elbow.

"Attracting the attention of the Viscount. My... you are moving up in the world." He teased.

"Oh shut up." Leila laughed and as she looked up she caught Anders' eye.

Anders suddenly took a few determined steps towards Leila, took her hand and without a word pulled her onto the dance floor. Hawke saw Sebastian's face and it was priceless. Now if only Hawke could dance with Merill, they would all have offended the chantry that evening.

Leila's eyes widened as Anders grabbed her waist and began leading her gracefully around the dance floor. It felt as if his touch was searing through her dress and her pulse quickened. She was pretty sure she had stirred something in him, but she had no idea what or why. His eyes were penetrating her and she felt incredibly exposed.

"I didn't know that you could dance." She said to end the silence.

"And I was unaware that you were going for the Viscount seat." He replied a little sternly.

"Look who has apparently taken a taste to Hightown gossip." She remarked with a smile and his expression softened.

"I'm sorry. I suppose both Justice and I are feeling protective of you." He smiled, trying to make it sound like nothing more than brotherly concern.

"I forgive you, like I always do. It is probably Hawke's fancy clothes that is corrupting you and making you put on airs." She smiled teasingly and he chuckled.

"So, how do you think the nobles will gossip, if I alone dance with you the rest of the evening? The noble Leila Amell with the scruffy refuge from Darktown." He whispered teasingly.

"I will be the scandal of Hightown before morning." Leila smiled.


	12. Chapter 12 Fascination

Fascination

It had been three days since the party at the Amell estate and Anders could still feel the softness of Leila's dress between his fingers, smell her perfume and worst of all feel the continuing ache she had awoken him. It was not supposed to be like this. When Justice and he merged this part of him should have been forgotten. Died, as a sacrifice made to his fellow mages. He had given up on the quality of his life, to give a worthy one to the rest of them. And to achieve this, he would sacrifice so much more. He was turning and tossing in his cot, like he had been for hours. He had gotten up and tried to focus on his manifesto, but even that blighted thing reminded him of her. Now he was pacing his clinic like a wild animal. Trapped, alone and his mind reaching the point where only instinct prevailed. He took a deep sigh and sat down in a chair.

"How did we end up like this, Justice?"

"_Why do you ask a question, when you already know the answer?_" Justice replied solemnly.

Justice had a point. Anders knew exactly how. First she had been stranded here and a grave injustice had befallen her. Justice and Anders had both agreed that it had needed to be set right. Therefore spending time with her had been necessary. Then she had driven him almost mad, with her reason and diplomacy. Never saying what she truly meant, but only wrapping it inside answers, that were supposed to be wise and kind. Void, that was exactly what they were. She was pretty, which had caught the attention of the "old" Anders. Then the way she trapped Sebastian and Fenris in their own arguments, and involuntarily made them admit, that imprisoning anyone because of what they were was wrong. It made him smile with satisfaction, whenever he thought of it. But the thing that had really sent him over the edge, was a day when they had walked through Lowtown.  
It had been a sunny day and dry in Lowtown. After dividing the loot from their latest adventures, Hawke had suggested that they all, meaning Hawke, Anders, Leila, Merill, Isabella and... ugh... Fenris, should go to the Lowtown bazaar. Fenris had developed a nasty habit of following Leila, when she was in the company of mages. Determined to save her from her own ignorance, no doubt. Anyway, the dryness of the season had created dust in the air, which made you thirsty every few minutes and the heat being almost unbearable. Anders almost groaned out loud, as he remembered the way Leila's skin at been glowing from the nearly invisible perspiration. It had made him wonder... hope, that she looked like that, when aroused. Walking through the market he had tried not to watch her. At this point he was of course not that far gone. As they walked through the market, there was a merchant trying to make his horse pull a cart up the stairs, to get to the upper part of the bazaar. The horse, obviously fatigued, thirsty, thin and worn, could not complete the task. So the merchant pulled out a whip and started beating the pure creature. Justice had been raging inside him, but he could not risk discovery for an animal. No matter how it ached in his heart. Most of the merchants didn't pay attention. It was probably not a rare sight. Anders turned away and it wasn't until he heard Leila's voice that he turned again. She walked calmly over to the animal and gently took the reins from it owner. She softly stroked it making comforting noises. She removed the bridle from its mouth and pulled forward her own water skin. She gently pushed the horses head upwards and poured the water down its throat.

"What do you think you are doing?" The merchant hissed.

"I am making sure that your merchandise gets to its destination." She replied coldly and then turned to look at her companions.

"Would you give me a hand here?" She asked sweetly and all of them came over.

"That poor creature." Merill gasped seeing how beaten and bruised it was.

"Yes, but we are going to help it." Leila replied, but Anders saw the misery in her eyes. What they did that day, would not change what would happen the next. It would still be with is brutal master and so it days would be numbered and its suffering would continue until then.

"Fenris, Isabella and Merill, if you take one side of the cart and Anders, Garret. I will lead the horse and we can get this cart moving." She instructed.

"I hate manual labour." Hawke remarked with a fake pout and Leila just shook her head.

Sure enough, by combining their efforts they got the cart up. Leila thanked them with a sweet smile and stood caressing the horse and giving it soft kisses between its nostrils. Her lips looked so soft and caring. In those small gestures there was so much love and affection. Anders had seen it before. It was the same with any animal she came across. How he had envied that horse, which in these few minutes with Leila, seemed to receive more true affection, than Anders had in his lifetime. The merchant came towards them.

"Thank you, young lady." The merchant said with a smile.

"I didn't do it for you. I did it for the horse." Leila responded coldly and walked away.

"That was about time, you stupid beast! You are not worth the grain I feed you." The merchant scolded the horse.

This made Leila stop dead in her tracks. Anders looked at her and saw something he had only seen once before. Anger. Uncontrollable fury, that almost made the air around her simmer. She turned around and with determined steps walked straight up to the merchant, tore the whip from his grasp and broke it over her knee and threw it on the ground. The merchant looked at her with astonishment and anger.

"What in the void do you think you are doing?" He exclaimed angrily.

"Be thankful I didn't break it over your head!" Leila remarked angrily, her cold angry eyes freezing him in place. When she turned he was about so hit her, when Isabella pulled her dagger and put it to his throat.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" She asked with a deadly glare in her eye.

As they walked away, Anders felt Justice stir, but differently than ever before. This was when Justice had truly been lost in fascination with her. That cold controlled fury in Leila's heart, which was driven by compassion. At that moment she had been as angry as Justice/vengeance, but she was still in absolute control of her actions. She did not lose herself to it, not even when Hawke had trapped her in Thedas. She had something, which Justice had lost when he merged with Anders and he began to wonder if he could regain it. In addition to that this was the first time the spirit had seen her take action. Justice had always regarded her like Anders did the Grand Cleric. Someone sedate, with a lot of noble words, but hesitant and spineless. What he had seen that day, was a person that was anything but. She was willing to help and stand up for an injustice, with no hope of reward or thanks. She did it because she believed it to be right, because she felt compassion. The rest of the day the spirit had been dormant and confused... distracted.  
It had been manageable for awhile. Justice insistence that she was a distraction almost made her coming and goings unpleasant. Anders believed his ache was physical and driven by lust. So he had convinced himself that acting on it, would make him no different from Hawke and Isabella. It would be close to the actions of the man he had been before. This was the argument that had made it tolerable, but now it was a different ache.

"Who am I kidding? It is not different." Anders sighed ruffling his hair.

It was the same, only now he was aware of what this ache was. These feelings that he had closed his heart of too long ago. And that was long before Justice. He was in love with her and he finally realized that he had fallen into the abyss, with no hope of rescue. He would have to keep his distance, ensuring that he would not pull her down with him. He could not doom the only soul he knew, who did not lose herself to vengeance.

-OOO-

Leila was standing in her room, looking fondly down at the flowers placed in her desk. They had began to lose a little of their bloom and it wouldn't be many days before they would whither completely. She had ever expected Anders to give her anything and certainly not flowers. They were just friends after all. She had a little crush on him, but nothing more surely. And certainly not something that was returned. They had their banter and teasing, but she knew enough of his reputation to not take it seriously. From what Isabella had told her, he was quite the Don Juan and Leila had no interest in becoming another nudge in his bedpost.

"Leila, Fenris is here." Garret said sticking his head in her door. His eyes widened as he saw the flowers.

"Who is the secret admire? Made some noble swoon over you?" Garret teased walking closer to her.

"No. According to Bodahn they are from Anders." Leila replied calmly.

"Anders?" Garret replied with widened eyes before giving a laugh.

"Apparently so." She replied with a shrug, trying desperately to hide the blush forming on her cheeks.

"You **like** him!" Garret stated with a sound of victory in his voice. Leila didn't respond, but merely tried to ignore him. Garret put a hand on her shoulder.

"You certainly **are** an Amell. Carrying on the tradition of falling in love with apostates." He teased.

"Not so loud, you idiot! And being grateful for some flowers, doesn't mean that I'm in love with him." She scolded before leaving the room, with Garret chuckling behind her.

She walked down the stairs and into the study, where Fenris was waiting for her. She liked Fenris. His sarcastic humour and his anger aside, he was both wise and intelligent. In addition to this he gave her, an inside to the other half of the coin, regarding mages. Not that she agreed with his views, but she did understand it. Fenris gave her a small smile as she entered. Something that was seen too rarely.

"I'm sorry, I'm late. Garret kept me." She replied and walked to the desk he was standing next to.

He was browsing through the books, when he picked one up and gave her a curious look.

"Oh, that's one of Merill's. She has been teaching me about the Dalish. It is quite interesting." Leila smiled taking the book.

"You should not spend so much time with her. She is dangerous." Fenris frowned.

"She is... reckless, but she is a sweet girl and I like her." Leila replied.

"You do realize she is the reason you are trapped here?" He gave her a serious look.

"That was Garret's fault, not hers. And he can't change it now, blaming him would only cause myself misery. As for Merill, she feels guilty enough already. Nothing you or I say could hurt her more than that." She replied finding the book they needed and sat down.

"You are far too fond and carless around these mages. You trust two blood mages and an abomination. They are a danger to us all." Fenris said calmly but firmly, sitting down next to her.

"It must be comforting, easy even, to put things in black and white as you do." She replied calmly looking at him.

"How so?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Being able to determine if someone is good or evil simply by the nature of what they are. Saves you the trouble of getting to know the person." She remarked in a sarcastic tone.

"You have not seen Tevinter. You have not been here long enough to know what magic is capable off." He spat.

"You are right, I haven't. But I have seen a world without magic. I have seen what we are capable of creating without it. Things that would make the Qunari explosive look like pleasant fireworks. It is not the weapon that kills or corrupts, but the person wielding it. That makes everything potentially dangerous. Not just magic. We are quite capable of killing each other without it." Leila explained with sadness.

"You are right, but the world has problems enough without placing such powers, in the hands of those too weak to resist its allure." He argued.

"I hear your warning, Fenris and I understand your concern. But I must choose my own path, based on my experiences. I cannot follow yours, but I will always listen to your advice and consider it." She replied sweetly and Fenris gave a sigh.

"I hope you will never come to regret it." He shook his head.

"Thank you. I wish I had the power to make your life easier." She replied with true compassion in her eyes.

As two pair of green eyes locked together for a moment, Fenris felt his heart speed up at this earnest concern for his wellbeing. Her eyes turned towards book and begun finding the right page. She seemed to wise, so why would she not heed his warnings? She had been a victim of magic and yet she did not fear it? What would it take to make her understand? What would it take to keep her safe?

-OOO- At The Hanged Man a few days later -OOO-

Learning diamond back had taken some time, but Leila was finally getting the hang of it. Leila had come to enjoy being there. Not that she was fond of drinking, but it was the only place where Sebastian would not show. It was not that she objected to his company, but his insistence that she should be baptised into the Andrastian religion, was getting on her nerves. She did not mind religion, in fact she found it interesting, but she would never be devoted to it and definitely not as Sebastian was. Everyone, besides Aveline, was there and sitting in Varric's suite. Isabella was helping Leila with her cards. Suddenly Leila felt Isabella's hand on her thigh.

"Isabella, remove your hand please." Leila requested calmly.

"Aw, but think of all the fun we could have, sweetness." Isabella purred.

"She is clearly not interested, so why don't you give it a rest?" Anders remarked coldly.

"Interested in what?" Merill asked.

"Think about it kitten." Isabella remarked, now stroking Leila's neck.

"Meeting her physical needs, Merill. And remove that hand Isabella. As skilled, as I am sure you are, you are not able to give me the... ehm... fulfilment I need." Leila replied sheepishly, looking down at her cards. This made Hawke and Fenris chuckle, while Anders was trying hard to swallow the mouthful of beer, threatening to exit his mouth like a fountain. It created pictures in his head, that his night hauntings didn't need.

"Fulfillment?" Merill asked.

"It means that she likes men, daisy." Varric explained.

"Oh... Have you been with many men?" Merill then asked curiously.

"Could we focus on the game please?" Anders asked annoyed.

"You are losing anyway Blondie, why would you care?" Varric remarked and Anders groaned.

"Hush Anders, this conversation just got interesting." Hawke grinned.

"Considering that my sex life is nonexistent, talking about griffins would be just as enlightening." Leila remarked.

"But they are extinct." Merill remarked and Isabella chuckled.

"As is my sex life." Leila remarked with a laugh.

"It doesn't have to be." Isabella purred and Leila and Anders groaned in unison.

"Don't avoid the question. I want to know." Garret gave a wicked grin.

"Why would I tell you, when I know that Varric could create something far more interesting?" Leila smiled at the dwarf who chuckled.

"Are you sure that is a good idea?" Fenris asked and Leila shrugged.  
Aveline walked in the door and was greeted by everyone. She walked over and handed Leila some papers.

"I got the information you asked for." Aveline said as she handed them to her.

"Thanks Aveline. This means so much to me. Thank you." Leila said brightly and stood up and hugged her.

"You are welcome." Aveline smiled.

"What are those?" Varric asked curiously.

"A list of casualties and injuries, the city guard has suffered the past year." Leila remarked looking at the papers.

"What do you want with those? No, I don't want to know. Your studies are to boring for me" Garret stated.

"Hawke, would you come to my office tomorrow? I have something I would like to ask you... a favour." Aveline asked.

"Sure. Now who is buying the next round?" Garret asked looking around and Isabella was already on her way to the bar.

"None for me thank you. I am going to go home and have look at these. Thanks again Aveline. See you guys." Leila smiled and walked out the door.  
As soon as she was out of the Hanged Man she heard someone behind her. She turned and Saw Anders coming out the door.

"Did I forget something?" Leila asked with a smile.

"No, but you shouldn't walk home alone. The streets are not safe at this time of night." He replied friendly and walked beside her up to Hightown. She kept looking at the papers as she walked and more than once Anders had to tale her elbow and stop her from bumping into something.

"May I ask what you are doing with those papers?" Anders asked after a while.

"Alright, but this is extremely controversial and you are not to tell anyone. I don't want you to get to excited about this either or get angry at me. Understood?" She said seriously looking up at him and the firmness in her voice almost made him chuckle. She was adorable like this.

"Understood." He replied with a smirk.

"I am conducting research about the city in general, but I got an idea. Aveline was complaining about the thugs, to Garret not long ago. How she does not have enough men and there are a lot of injuries. Even after she has managed to bring it down. This means that you and Hawke are out clearing the streets more often than not. It got me thinking, that it was an absolute waste of resources, having healers and capable mages locked up, when they could help making the city safe. It would also help putting mages in a better light, if they are seen as protectors." Leila explained and Anders was both awestruck and sad.

"That is a wonderful idea, but they will never agree to it." He said sadly looking down at her.

"Not at first perhaps, but it will get the debate going. See it as a supplement to your manifesto." She smiled kindly and Anders' heart swelled.

She was fighting for mages. She was helping them. She was the only noble, except for Hawke, who actually wanted to help the oppressed. The more knowledgeable she became, the bolder was her suggestions and opinions. Even with Hawke's support and the mage underground, Anders had always felt that he was alone in this fight. That no one heard him and with the rising numbers of tranquil in the Gallows, he was desperate. But now, just for a moment, he felt that his cause was not lost. That there was hope. He longed to claim those pink lips, that looked as soft as rose petals, but Justice warned him not to. But as the emeralds looked up at him, he couldn't help but touch the round cheeks, which gave her a look of childish innocence.

"Thank you." He breathed.

"There is no need to thank me." She smiled sweetly before walking on. For a moment he was frozen in place, trying to calm the rapid beating of his heart. He cleared his throat and in quick steps walked after her.

"So you plan on waltzing into the Viscount's office and say "I want to replace half the guards with mages"?" He smirked and she chuckled.

"I probably will have to make some solid arguments, but more or less yes. Be patient, Rome was not built on one day." She stated with a faint smile on her lips.

"Rome?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, sorry. I really should stop using references that have no meaning to you. Rome is a large, grand, beautiful city, created long ago. Thank you for walking me home, want to use the basement to get home?" Leila asked standing at the door.

"Thank you, yes."

As they walked inside Anders felt his heart torn. He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay right there, listening to her unique point of views and where her company would make him feel less alone. He didn't want to be alone and he didn't want distance from her. She brought light into his dark and cursed existence. But as he looked around and saw the way the light from the fireplace embrace her form, he realised something. She belonged here. She was highly educated, refined and she looked like a princess in her fine garments. She belonged in Hightown among its nobles and politics, because this was where she could make a difference. She was not a fighter like he and Hawke was. Not only could she make a difference with her status, but she would actually do it. If more was like her, then perhaps Thedas would not be so unforgiving. Anders looked down at himself. He belonged in the sewers. An apostate, an abomination, a curse. Not a copper to his name, hunted and feared. He was in no position to influence politics in the way she and Hawke could. He could free the oppressed in the dark of night and fight for them. He did not belong alongside this benevolent being, who rivalled any scholar in knowledge and even a spirit of compassion, would be worthy of a comparison with her. She turned and looked at him. Her clever eyes observing him, her kind smile comforting him and her red hair glowing with the light from the fire, beckoning him to touch it. Ebony and Ziggy ran down the stairs to greet her and she laughed heartily. He could have stood there for an eternity, just watching her and his heart would have been sated. She turned, when she heard Bodahn.

"Hello Bodahn. Would you be so kind as to show Anders through the basement?"

"Of course mistress. Master Anders if you follow me." Bodahn smiled leading the way.

"Goodnight, Anders." She smiled sweetly before walking up the stairs.

"Goodnight." He replied fighting the ache in both his heart and legs to follow her up those stairs, like a moth drawn to a his the willpower of his mind, or the insistence of Justice, led him down through darkness and away from the light shining over Kirkwall from above.


	13. Chapter 13 My heart is my own

My heart is my own

The next day Hawke walked to the keep with Leila, Anders, Merill and Sebastian. Sebastian was talking to Leila and Anders could feel jealousy burning in him. He had no right to her. He was no good for her, but by the Maker, he didn't want anyone else to have her. His heart had made a claim on her, that his head refused to acknowledge. He was drawn from his gloomy thoughts by Merill.

"You could get another cat, you know. There's one in the Lowtown market with a litter of kittens ready to wean." Merill said sweetly.

"You don't pay attention to templars, Qunari or politics, but you notice kittens?" Anders all about chuckled.

"Templars, Qunari, and politics don't meow and attack your feet when you're buying food. " Merill replied and Leila gave a chuckle.

"Are there any tabbies? I'd like a tabby." Andres replied with enthusiasm and looked at Leila who was suppressing a laugh.

"What?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing, you were just cute that's all." She shrugged and walked pasted him.

"You know, I think she likes you." Merill said in a low voice and Anders' heart beat faster.

"She likes everyone. It means nothing." He shrugged, his mind hoping his words were true, while his heart was begging that they weren't.

Unfortunately his mind seemed to win this time, for as soon as they entered the keep Leila met Seamus Dumar and quickly ended in a deep conversation with him. He was clearly fascinated by her and his eyes lit up as he talked to her. Anders had no doubt that her views and clever mind had the same effect on Seamus, as they did on him. Hawke walked over to them and interrupted.

"Sorry, Seamus, but I am going to steal my cousin. Since I am the man of the house, she is my property." Hawke winked and Leila crossed her arms and gave him a doubtful glare.

"Not at all, Serah. I hope to see you again soon Lady Amell." Seamus said politely with a smile.

"Please, we are friends. Leila will do just fine." She smiled sweetly and Anders felt himself starring intently at Seamus looking for any signs of infatuation.  
Anders quickly looked away, when they turned and walked towards Aveline's office. Leila gave Hawke glares, while walking up the stairs.

"Your property?" She said doubtfully.

"Well I am the **man** of the house." Hawke argued with a smirk.

"You are the **fool** of the house. Sandal has a better chance of ordering me around than you do." Leila said and none of them seemed to know if she was offended or merely faking it. The comment had the three men chuckling all the same.

"Surely you don't mean that. I am sure she is teasing you, Hawke. He didn't mean it like that." Merill said afraid that Leila was truly cross with him. Leila smiled sweetly at her and stroked her arm, calming her worries.

"That is just because you have a soft spot for Sandal." Hawke remarked.

"Besides the point. I don't belong to anyone. I never did and I never will. If you say something like that again, I am afraid I will have to bitchslap you and we would not want Varric to go around town telling that story, now would we." She remarked with a wicked grin. She suddenly noticed the guards looking at the lady wording a very unladylike language. Leila gave them a wink, while suppressing her embarrassment.

"You are too sweet to do that, besides I thought you had at least given your heart away." Hawke teased, but Leila looked at him coldly.

"You **do** like someone." Merill said with a smile, trying not to look at Anders, who suddenly felt his heart in his throat.

"Is this true?" Sebastian asked looking at her.

"It is not possible for me to give my heart away." Leila responded indifferently.

"I am sure he didn't mean literally." Merill offered.

"I know, but it is not even possible in a poetic sense." Leila replied with a soft smile.

"You don't believe that you can admire another person so much, that your heart is consumed by only them?" Anders asked crossing his arms with a doubtful glare.

"No, that I believe." She replied.

"Okay I am getting confused." Hawke said raising an eyebrow.

"I concur, could you clarify?" Sebastian asked and Leila stopped in the hallway.

"Alright. The analogy is flawed. If I care for a person, I don't give my heart to them, they become a part of it. It is not us that always follows them, but them that follows us. They only have power over us, if we let them and by saying we have given our heart to a person, we claim that we are blameless and fail to take responsibility for those feelings. We allow ourselves to be enslaved in a sense." She explained and Merill looked at her for a moment.

"I guess that makes sense." Merill mused, the only one who could seemingly keep up with the idea.

"So let me get this straight. You don't believe that the other person has any responsibility for our emotions?" Anders asked with a glare. How could she say this? Did that also mean that all templars were innocent, that it was the mages own fault?

"Let me try to explain. I am a free person and am responsible for my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I cannot blame others for what I feel." She stated and Anders gave a grunt of disbelief.

"So other people don't have responsibility, for what they make others feel?" He spat.

"They are as responsible for their own actions, feelings and thoughts. There are some emotions which are spontaneous, but it is our own decision, whether we let them linger or not and if we act on them." Leila replied.

"Maybe..." Sebastian began, but was interrupted by Anders.

"So you claim that you can control your emotions? You can't be that daft." Anders said doubtfully and the glare in Leila's eyes made him think she was going to lose her temper, instead she remained cool.

"Alright let me demonstrate." She began taking slow steps towards him, her hips swaying lightly as she walked and in a seductive tone began.

"Now Anders, I want you to imagine a naked woman on your bed. Her breathing is erratic and her lips exploring your body." Anders swallowed hard as she continued to walk closer to him, her eyes staring straight into his. There was no shyness, only confidence with every step, as if she knew exactly what an effect her words had on him. Hawke looked amused and both Merrill and Sebastian were gaping, though Anders hardly noticed. As Leila spoke the next line, she let her hand caress her neck and slide down the front of her throat. Her fingertips were gently caressing the skin and her hand went lower between her breasts to the point, where her red corset began.

"She will be willing and eager to please you. Everything you desire will become your reality at this moment." She said in a low voice and as she got closer Anders backed up against the wall. She stood in front of him, her breasts almost touching his chest and his golden eyes beheld her, darkening with desire for every passing moment. He could feel the ache her words were causing in him. He was struggling to control his breathing and the sound of his blood rushing through him, was even drowning out Justice. She placed a hand on his chest and rose up on her toes. His mind and heart waiting in anticipation at her next words and his lips ready to siege hers.

"Now, imagine her in a templar uniform dragging away a mage child." She said pulling back and instantly Anders' arousal disappeared and was replaced with anger. He stared at her, as she looked at him with a soft gaze.

"We cannot always decide what we feel about a certain situation, but we do have the option to control it. We are in control of our thoughts and they control our emotions. My words inspired your thoughts, but you decided to go along with it. Had you thought of the word "templar", you could have stopped it anytime you wished. Just as when you get caught up in your anger, you can think of something that makes you happy and calm it." Leila said with a kind expression and walked away.

Anders was left standing in the hallway deeply confused, as her words were ringing through his mind. Was this the reason she didn't lose herself to her anger? Perhaps, she knew something he didn't and for a moment Anders wondered if things with Justice would have turned out differently, if he knew what she did. His thoughts changed, when he saw Sebastian's flushed expression. His mind was clearly harbouring thoughts not suitable for a brother of the chantry. Hawke was of course trying hard not to laugh and Merill looked confused.

"It was a shame Isabella or Varric didn't see this." Hawke chuckled and Anders groaned, while rolling his eyes.

They walked into Aveline's office and Leila avoided Anders' gaze. _"Sure, now she is shy. But when she was tormenting me in the hallway, she was a blighted desire demon."_ Anders thought to himself. He barely heard the conversation Hawke had with Aveline, as his gaze was entrance upon Leila's sweet face, who was suddenly smiling.

"Alright, Aveline. I'll play messenger, but this buys at least two rounds at the Hanged Man." Hawke replied walking out of the room.

"Why don't you guys follow Hawke? I would like to speak with Aveline." Leila smiled and the others, thought puzzled did as she requested and Leila closed the door behind them.

"What can I help you with, Leila?" Aveline asked.

"You like Donnic." Leila smiled kindly and walked towards her.

"What makes you say that?" Aveline replied shifting uncomfortable.

"He is the guard that you bring up most often, when we talk and it creates that faint blush on your cheeks." Leila smiled sweetly and sat on the desk. Aveline gave a sigh and leaned against the desk next to her.

"I am such a mess at this." She sighed.

"You can talk to me, I am always ready to listen." Leila said softly.

"What am I to say? That a grown woman can't speak her mind?" Aveline replied with a defeated expression about her.

"You can't be strong and confident all the time. After what happened with Wesley it is only natural to apprehensive." Leila replied with sympathy.

"It is not just that. I am his captain and he is my guardsman. I can't get passed that." She stated.

"What if he were to see you in a different light?" Leila suggested.

"Just go out somewhere?" Aveline raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, we can hold a small gathering at the Hanged Man. What do you say?" Leila smiled brightly and Aveline considered it.

"Alright, but he can't know I will be there." She warned.

"Don't worry I'll handle it." Leila smiled and Hawke came in the door.

"What was the point of giving him that garbage? He looked at me like I was insane." Hawke exclaimed.

"He was not completely wrong then." Anders remarked with a smirk earning him a scowl from Hawke.

"Garret, would you do me a favour?" Leila asked.

"You too? Am I the only man in Kirkwall?" He replied with a smirk.

"Would you invite Donnic and the others to a birthday party, at the Hanged Man tonight?" Leila asked.

"Birthday?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh, you don't celebrate those? On my world we celebrate our day of birth." Leila explained.

"Ah, in that sense. Here we celebrate the day we were given our name." Sebastian replied.

"Wait it is your nameday?" Hawke asked raising an eyebrow.

"In about three weeks, but I would like to have a party tonight." She smiled a little sadly.

"Why didn't you tell us, lethallan?" Merill asked walking over to her.

"Since I lost my m... home, it didn't seem to matter." Leila explained with that sadness about her.

"Of course it matters." Anders replied with a little more empathy than he would have liked.

"Sure it does. If you want a party, we will give you one! I'll go round up the guys and Donnic." Hawke smiled.

"Thank you and tell the guardsmen that the captain is taking the afternoon off." Leila smiled.

"What?" Aveline replied looking at her.

"I want to go shopping and your taste is more refined than Isabella's." Leila said with a telling look, before dragging Aveline out of the Barracks. Leaving the rest of them dumbfounded once more.

"Copper marigolds? Party? And Aveline shopping? What in the void is going on?" Hawke asked looking at the others.

"The Maker must have decided to humour himself on our account." Sebastian chuckled.

-OOO- That night -OOO-

Two women in new clothes were standing outside the Hanged Man. Aveline was wearing her hair lose and a new tunic showing off her curves. Leila was wearing a white shirt with long sleeves, but it still revealed her shoulders and on top of it a purple corset.

"I can't do this." Aveline replied and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Sure you can, Aveline. You look beautiful and nothing has to happen. Just talk to him and let him see another side of you, than just the captain." Leila replied comforting and took Aveline's arm and dragging her inside walking straight for Varric's suite.

"Sunshine! Aveline!" Varric said cheerfully.

They all looked twice at Aveline, who shifted uncomfortably. Donnic had a bright smile on his face and stood up from his chair. Afraid that Isabella could not keep her mouth shut, Leila took her arm and guided her to the bar instead. Leaving Aveline with the others and hoping that her friend would muster the courage to talk to Donnic.

"Why are we going away from the party?" Isabella asked.

"I thought I would teach you a drinking game you might like. Ever heard of a body tequila?" Leila asked, hoping that Aveline appreciated this, because this could turn out bad.

"No, but I like the sound of it already." Isabella said exited and the both went to the bar.

"Alright, we need salt, some citrus fruit cut in pieces and some alcohol." Leila summed up.

"Whisky?" Isabella asked.

"Nope, let us try different samples and I tell you which one to use."

They began tasting different liquors and after only a few, Leila was already regretting this. Hawke, Fenris and Anders came down to the bar, curious about where the woman of the hour had wondered of too. Leila already blushed, thinking that they might see, what she was about to show Isabella.

"There you are... sneaking out on your own party." Hawke shook his head and mocked offense.

"Hush you. Leila is about to teach me something." Isabella replied.

"Leila, teaching you something? Surely she can't possibly have your wide experience." Fenris remarked drily.

"Do I want to know?" Anders asked with a smirk.

"It can wait Isabella." Leila said turning even redder.

"Oh and she blushes! So **cute**! Now I definitely want to see." She purred.

"My curiosity is also dying to be satisfied." Hawke remarked with a grin.

"Alright, alright. I'll show it on myself." Leila replied.

She lined up the salt, the citrus fruit and the shot of liquor. An uncomfortable shiver already ran down her spine, with the almost hungry look Isabella was giving her. Leila took a deep breath and pulled up her sleeve. _"Aveline had better be grateful!"_ Leila kissed her wrist and let the tongue caress her skin, making it moist enough for the salt to stick. Anders and Fenris swallowed hard and Hawke gave a wicked grin, while Isabella almost purred out loud. Leila then put the salt on her wrist. Again she kissed her wrist with an open mouth, before drinking the shot and biting the lemon, making a face at the end.

"That is a body shot, Isabella." Leila replied trying to seem indifferent to the stares coming from all over the bar.

"That was **fun**!" Isabella said with a grin.

"Well according to resources, it is more fun if you do on someone else." Leila remarked drily, hiding her embarrassment and completely missed the expression on Anders' face.

"Don't have to tell me twice sweetness." Isabella purred leaning over.

"Not me. Do it on Garret." Leila replied gently pushing the pirate away, who with a single glance convinced Hawke to try it instead.

Leila stood up and felt very dizzy. Fenris caught her arm, just before Anders.

"I'll better walk you home." Fenris said in a low voice and Leila nodded.

Anders was about to suggest that he could do it, but Justice stopped him. Surely, he had tempted fate enough for one day. So with a heavy heart he watched Leila leave, with one of the people he loathed the most.


	14. Chapter 14 Healing

Healing

Leila awoke the next morning from a soft knock on the door. Her head was aching and her stomach was turning in on itself. Leila was sure, that if she even thought of moving, she would throw up. The room was spinning and even the small amount of light shining through her window was making her eyes hurt.

"Yes." She said in a low pained voice and Leandra came in the door.

"My dear girl, what did you do last night?" Leandra asked with a sympathetic smile walking over next to the bed.

"I was trying to keep Isabella from bugging Aveline. Not the brightest idea I have ever had." Leila admitted with a whimper.

"Anders is down stairs, asking how you were. Should I send him up?" Leandra asked softly.

"I... yes please." Leila replied, as her head was praying for any kind of relief.

"Alright... He is sweet Anders. He reminds me a little of my husband. Just be weary, being with an apostate is not easy." Leandra said, while fondly stroking Leila's cheek.

"We are not..." Leila began.

"I know, but I have seen how he looks at you. That is why I am warning you now. Be sure that you truly love him, before taking it any further." Leandra warned with a kind smile.

"He looks at me?" Leila asked looking up at her with disbelief.

"Oh, sweet girl. Do you really think so little of yourself, that you haven't realised it? Many look at you my dear." Leandra said fondly kissing her forehead, before leaving the room.

Leila was left alone the words hanging in the air and her heart beating faster. Leandra had to be mistaken. Anders had been a known playboy and now he was only focused on helping the mages. Why would he look twice at her? Why would anyone? A few minutes later Anders entered and had to try hard not to laugh at the sight. She looked so vulnerable and made the cutest whimpering noises. He walked towards her, but paused, when he saw the flowers he gave her, hanging upside down. She was drying them in order to preserve them and his heart skipped a beat, as it thanked that old man he met that day. He sat down next to her bed and let his cool hand roam over her forehead. She gave a sigh of relief and managed to open her eyes looking at him.

"How did it go with Aveline and Donnic?" She asked in a low voice.

"Nothing happened. She couldn't muster the courage to speak with him." Anders replied.

"So this headache was all for nothing?" She said almost as if she was about to cry.

"You knew? I did wonder how we got from copper marigolds to party in a few minutes. So that was why you got drunk with Isabella. You were keeping her out of Aveline's hair." Anders replied fondly, as he was trying very hard not to remember the effect Leila had on him, the previous day. His hands moved to her stomach.

"Yes and now it was all for bloody nothing." She grumbled, as his magic started to make all her symptoms fade away.

"That's why I came by. I am here to get Hawke. We are going out on the wounded coast today to help Aveline, so it might turn out alright. I still can't believe what she made us do at the barracks. That was so awkward. What was Aveline thinking?" Anders chuckled.

"Hey, not all of us have the extensive training of seduction you get in the circle." Leila smiled sitting up and he chuckled.

"There are still many things we learn in the circle, you don't know of yet." He said with a seductive smirk and she just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Thank you." She replied sweetly, looking at his healing hands and Anders realized his hands were still at her waist. He pulled them back, as he smiled.

"You are welcome. So how did you get home last night?" He enquired, trying not to show his jealousy. But he had to know if Fenris had done more than walk her home.

"Fenris walked me to the front door and Leandra and Orana put me to bed." Leila smiled sweetly and Anders' jealousy calmed. Hawke stumbled in the door looking like he had been run over by something.

"Anders! Thank the Maker! Think you could take a look at this headache?" Hawke asked wobbling towards him.

"Did I hear Anders?" Isabella's voice asked and walked into Leila's room as well in completely naked. Leila and Anders looked at each other rolling their eyes. Isabella walked straight to Leila's bed and climbed under the covers looking as sick as Hawke.

"That was a dangerous game you taught us, Kitten." Isabella said with hooded eyes and looking pale.

"Since when did my bedroom become the grand central station?" Leila remarked sarcastically.

"Whatever you said, since now." Hawke remarked and collapsed on the other end of the bed.

Anders shook his head and looked at Leila, who gave a defeated sigh, before lying back down and burrowing her face under her pillow.

-OOO- Two and a half weeks later -OOO-

Leila and Leandra were sitting the dining room having dinner. Hawke had been out of the house the entire day. He had been by to tell them that he would be home late, since they were tracking down a dwarf named Javaris. Leila enjoyed having time alone with Leandra, but now she was beginning to worry. He should have been back by now. She didn't say anything however since she did not want Leandra to worry. Suddenly they heard the door open violently and people running inside. From Ziggy and Ebony's reaction Leila knew that it was Hawke. She ran into the living room and saw Hawke and Fenris carrying Anders with Merill right behind them.

"What happened?" Leila asked terrified looking at Anders who was completely pale.

"Some crazy elf stool some poison from the Qunari. Anders got exposed heavily, trying to help a woman who was trapped." Hawke explained.

"Take him to my room." Leila said leading the way. She had taken the only guest room, when she moved in and she could always bunk with Leandra.

Hawke, Fenris and Leila placed Anders on the bed, while Merill and Leandra were standing in the background. Leila sat down next to Anders, took his pulse and checking his vitals, like she had done for her mother many times.

"Be careful. That poison turns people insane. Who knows what that abomination will do then?" Fenris warned.

Suddenly Anders awoke and began to spasm uncontrollably, before looking at them with a deranged look. Fenris draw his sword and Hawke and Merill was ready to retaliate, but none of them was faster than Leila who straddled him and held his arms in place. He was strong. Incredibly so, but she refused to let go. He wiggled underneath her, but the adrenalin in her blood made her capable of holding him in place. Luckily the poison seemed to have weakened him a bit and he was in pain, otherwise Leila would have been thrown across the room by now.

"Anders, lie still." Leila said with determination.

"Let me go or I'll kill you." He said looking up at her with eyes that had now turned green from the poison.

"Everyone else in this bloody world might be afraid of you, but I am not, so lie still, damn it!" She replied sternly.

Then his eyes turned blue and blue cracks formed on his body. Before the spirit could speak however Leila gave him a kiss, calming the spirits fury instantly and replaced it with astonishment. The others in the room looked at her wondering if she was insane. Hawke however instantly noticed the calmness, that Justice received from that chaste quick kiss.

"Justice, please listen to me. You are very sick, we are going to help you, but you need to remain calm. Please don't do anything dire, I don't want to see you hurt." She pleaded looking down at the spirit who was confused.

"I... I understand." Justice replied looking up at her.

"Are you able to stay in control of Anders, so he does not react to the poison? Are you able to resist the poison?" She asked.

"As long as I am in control, the poison will not impair my mental faculties." He replied.

"Alright, be calm and lie still." Leila said softly getting off him and sitting down next to him.

"Hawke, would you get one of you nightshirts, so we can get him out of these blood covered clothes? Leandra would you get some water? He needs plenty of fluids." Leila asked looking at them, both nodded and walked out the room.

"Merill, in Anders' clinic in the back there is a large cupboard. On the second shelf to the right are the potions for curing poisons. Fenris go with her and take the basement stairs." She asked looking at the elves.

"I am not leaving you here with that a..." Fenris begun, but Leila silenced him as Justice was twitching.

"Say that word and he will be the least of your problems." Leila replied in a hard voice.  
Fenris grunted, but left the room with Merill.

"You are not afraid of me?" Justice asked looking at her.

"You have never done anything to threaten me. Unless I join the templars, I don't think I have anything to fear from you." She said softly feeling his brow.

"Most consider me abominable." He replied looking at her with a curios expression.

"And some have considered me a cold hearted bitch. Calling a cow a goat does not change the nature of what it is." She replied calmly feeling his throat.

"A curious expression." Justice raised an eyebrow and Leila gave a soft smile.

"You have a fever, but your throat doesn't seem to have taken any damage. How do you feel?" She asked seriously.

"This bodies muscles are burning and aching." He replied, as he started squirming and his face cringed in pain.

"Merill will be back soon. She knows what to look for." Leila said softly stroking his cheek.

Hawke came with shirt and Leandra with the water. Leila suggested that Leandra should help see if Hawke had suffered any damage from the exposure and both left a little unwillingly. Leila helped Justice removed the pouldrons, robe, tunic and boots. She then turned around, giving him privacy to change. Justice felt uneasy, as he could feel Anders' feelings toying with him. Shortly after Merill and Fenris came back with the potions and Leila began to prepare them, grateful that she had spent time helping Anders in the clinic. Hawke then stood in the doorway.

"You two better get a check up as well. Who knows what we will suffer from that stuff. Come on." Hawke said and gesturing with his head for the two elves to leave the room. Leila was probably the only one able to temper the spirit. Reluctantly Fenris left the room and gave Hawke a nasty glare.

"I can't believe that you are leaving her alone with that abomination." Fenris sneered.

"Having you in the room will only provoke him. Besides how bad can it be?" Hawke winked hiding his concern with humour. Fenris groaned and walked down stairs.

"He seems a lot calmer around her, doesn't he? Justice, I mean." Merill commented looking in the almost closed door.

"Yes, go figure. I wonder why." Hawke mused looking through the crack as well.

"It must be lonely for him, being from a different world. Leila is in the same situation and she doesn't seem afraid of him. She talks calmly to him and seems concerned for him. Perhaps she makes him feel less alone." Merill mused.

"I think you might be right." Hawke replied and when Merill turned he realised, just how close he was to her.

He was almost towering her, as her big innocent eyes looked up him. Almost pressed up against him, he could feel her breathing become heavier, as she was blushing awfully. He could feel his own heart beating faster and swallowed hard as she looked at him. No one else had this affect on him. Not even Isabella. One look from those eyes and he would be completely lost. He was about to lower his lips to her, but then heard his mother calling them to get checked over from the poison.

"We better get going. Or we could stay. Whatever you prefer, though, it would probably be best to go." Merill started ranting.

"You are right, we should get going." He smiled and placed his hand on her back guiding her.

Inside Leila's room Justice was studying her, as she was preparing the medication and from time to time changing the cool wet cloth on his forehead, cooling his fever. How he wished he could retreat, but with the poison affecting Anders like this, he was not sure it would be safe. This woman was a distraction without equal and yet no one else helped him keep his focus, like her. Her support and ideas inspired Anders and filled Justice with a feeling of righteousness. She could turn and twist arguments that Anders had been struggling to make people look past. Anders desire to be allowed to love her, made him more resolved to make a world, where he could be with her. Without having to fear what damage it would cause her. At other times it made Anders want to give up on everything, elope with her and live in hiding somewhere. The worst part was that Justice could see the appeal, but he could not allow his own desires to come before the needs of others. Such an act would be demonic. He gently touched his lips, puzzled by her reaction to him.

"That gesture... it was an unusual responds." He said carefully and when she turned to look at him she blushed.

"I guess it was. Since Anders reacted so violently and I was holding you forcefully, I wanted to make sure you knew I was a friend. It was impulsive." She smiled sheepishly.

"I have no experience of such things, but if Anders' memories are correct, such a gesture is more than friendly." He asked observing her blush getting darker.

"It can be. It depends on the persons emotions, I suppose. Sorry I made you uncomfortable. Drink this." She replied sitting on the bed handing him the mug.

"What a foul concoction." Justice cringed and Leila chuckled.

"You made it yourself, my friend. If the taste is not to your liking, perhaps you should change the recipe." She chuckled lightly. She was about to stand up, when Justice took her wrist gently.

"I was surprised. The gesture was not uncomfortable... You must understand, you are a distraction from more important matters and whatever feelings may exist, we cannot afford to act on them. I apologize." He said softly, looking at her trying to see if her green eyes revealed any pain.

"I understand, but please make room in your heart for pleasant emotions as well. Or you will lose yourself to your anger completely. Now try and get some sleep." She smiled with understanding, before getting up and leaving the room.

For once Justice was the one, to experience the uncomfortable feeling that went through their body, as she left. Justice suddenly began to appreciate the struggles of his host, as he himself began to feel more like justice than vengeance, when in her presence. For the sake of his friend, he dearly hoped he would remember nothing of this evening.

Outside the room Leila rested against the wall. She had been right. There was nothing between them and there never could be. It was best to push her attraction to him aside and remain focused on being his friend. So she did what she did best, she tried to ignore them and focus on something else.


	15. Chapter 15 Name day

Name day

When Anders awoke, he realised he was in Leila's bedroom. He was convinced that he must be dreaming. How many times hadn't he fantasised about being in this exact room? Having her naked body pressed against his, as he would taste and touch her until his heart was content and beyond? He turned and found that the pillow smelled like her. His heart was fluttering and his body aching for, when she would finally become part of this dream. His mind imagining all the ways he would show her, how wonderful she made him feel. How she made his existence worthy and not just needed. As he turned to the night stand and saw the potion standing on it, he finally remembered. They had been in Lowtown chasing some crazy elf, who had exposed a whole street to poison. Anders had seen a woman trapped and coughing and tried to help her, when suddenly everything went black. The rest he couldn't remember, let alone how he ended up in Leila's bedroom. He momentarily feared that he had forgotten something important. That he had missed something truly wonderful. His mind, probably guided by Justice, reasoned that Hawke had most likely brought him here after he passed out. He sat up and felt extremely hungry and fatigued, but otherwise he was fine. He looked up, when he saw Leila enter the room with a tray of food in her hands.

"You're awake." She said with a bright smile and walked towards him.

"Yes, what happened?"

"You were brought here after you were poisoned. You have been sleeping for three days. You were only awake long enough to get your potions, before you drifted off again." She replied resting the tray in his lap.

"You didn't have to do this." He said with a smile.

"My motives were purely selfish. If something happened to you, who would heal Ebony if he gets sick?" Leila said teasingly and he chuckled.

"Of course and here I deluded myself to think that you liked me." He sighed with teasing dramatics, but instantly regretted it as her expression became almost pained. Then it quickly vanished again.

"Eat, you need your strength." She replied with a smile and got up.

"Leila, what's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Nothing... it's just a difficult day for me." She replied and walked out the door, before Anders could stop her.

He quickly ate his meal and got dressed. He smiled as he saw his clothes had been cleaned and mended. His body was still feeling weak, but not sickly. He walked down stairs and heard someone standing in the entry hall. He walked out and saw Sebastian standing with three horses outside and Leila caressing one of them. Hawke was standing in the doorway with a grin on his face.

"This was a wonderful idea Sebastian. I do hope you will enjoy yourself dearies." Leandra smiled fondly.

"What is going on?" Anders asked.

"Anders, up and about and just in time for Leila's name day." Hawke smiled and Anders could have hit himself. He knew that it was around this time, but he had not known it was today.

"I'm sorry Anders. Had I known you would have been here, I would have arranged for another horse." Sebastian said, but Anders seriously doubted his regret was sincere.

"Aren't they beautiful? Sebastian has arranged for a picnic on the coast." Leila smiled brightly and Anders felt his heart ache a little.

"They are." He admitted reluctantly.

"Aren't you coming, Anders?" Hawke asked and Anders was getting the distinct impression, Hawke was rooting for him to win Leila's affections.

"But unfortunately, there are only three horses." Sebastian tried.

"That's alright. I am sure Anders and I can share." Leila said sweetly and Anders felt his heart swell. He should say no and Justice was pleading him to, but he just couldn't. The look on Sebastian's face alone made it impossible for him to refuse.

"That's settled then." Hawke said cheerful as ever.

"I'll go get a basket for you. Just a moment." Leandra said with a smile.  
Anders walked up to Leila, who was stroking a golden horse with white mane and tail. Sebastian was standing next to her holding a grey one.

"You seem fond of horses." Anders smiled.

"I told you I like all... almost all animal." Leila smirked remembering their last conversation on the subject.

"They are wonderful animals. When I lived in Stark Haven we had many. There is nothing like a horseback ride to truly make you feel free. Do you ride Anders?" Sebastian asked, hoping for some sense of superiority.

"I learned when I was very young, before the circle. I haven't been on a horse since the wardens, but I am sure it will come back to me." He smiled stroking the neck of the horse.

"Did you have many horses growing up, Leila?" Sebastian asked.

"No. Most people don't use horses anymore. We have carriages that drive on their own." She explained still looking at the horse.

"On their own? I thought you said you didn't have magic?" Hawke asked raising an eyebrow.

"We don't. Perhaps that is why we have become such accomplished engineers. We needed to make up for the absence of magic and find other ways to improve the world." Leila smiled, giving Anders a telling glance and he chuckled under his breath. Only she would consider magic an improvement.

"Here you go, children. Now have a nice day." Leandra said giving Hawke the basket and giving Leila a hug.

Sebastian explained Leila, how to get up on the horse and she followed his instructions. Sebastian gave her a hand lifting her up onto the horse. As she sat there looking down, Anders saw a glimpse of something in her eye, but could not put his finger on what it was. Anders then walked up next to the horse, put his foot in the stirrup and sat behind Leila taking the reins. Feeling her back against his chest, he was confident that this was a bad idea, but he would not have been able to go through this day knowing she would be with Sebastian.

"Put a little pressure with your knees, that way you will not fall off." Anders explained to her.

"And here I thought you having your arms around me, were the protection." She smirked and he chuckled.

Riding through Lowtown they came across Merill and Varric, Hawke instantly asking them to join. Merill sat behind Hawke and Varric behind Sebastian. Anders had a suspicion that this was not how the prince had envisioned this day to turn out. On their way out of Kirkwall Merill was telling Leila about Halla. Anders couldn't help but smile at Leila enthusiasm. She was truly interested in hearing what Merill had to say and from looking at Merill, Anders assumed that had not happened very often. The little elf was practically glowing, between Leila's interest in the Dalish and the attention she got from Hawke. Outside Kirkwall Leila turned quiet and they were riding behind the others.

"Leila, what is the matter? You seem awfully unhappy." Anders said in a low voice.

"This is my first birthday without my mother." She said sadly.

"Of course. I am so sorry. She must miss you." He replied apologetic, not knowing how he could possibly comfort her.

"She died, Anders. Before I came here, she had a terminal illness that killed her." She explained and a silent tear fell from her eye, as she leaned against him. He looked down at her neck and was aching to place a kiss on the soft light skin.

"I am sorry that I wasn't there to save her." He replied with true regret, even though he knew it could never have been possible. Referring to the different world, not his magic.

"So am I... But you are doing this for me. I have no right to be sad." She said with the determination.

"You have every right to be sad... but if you want to be cheered up, then take a look at the way Varric's legs are jumping about." Anders replied and Leila chuckled, as she saw Varric's comical body movement.

"That better not be me you are laughing at, Sunshine." Varric said loudly turning his head.

For the rest of the ride Anders did his best, to keep the conversation a happy one. He had no idea how much pain she had suffered, before she came here. He hadn't even asked and he felt ashamed of himself. Having her leaned against him, his arms around her and listening to her voice, he was astounded that it felt so right. He had never felt anything like this. Never truly cared for anyone, where it was beyond seeking physical closeness. With her, he felt an emotional closeness as well and there didn't even have to be something romantic between them, for him to feel this way. Yet his heart and body yearned for those two to become combined. Feeling truly combined with someone else... feeling whole. As they reached the coast they bound the horses and Merill and Leila ran into the sea. Sebastian and Anders removed the saddles from the horses, while Varric and Hawke found a place for them to sit. Hawke walked over to Anders and pressed a box into his hand. Anders opened it and saw that it was filled with new pencils, brushes and paints. For Leila, Hawke mouthed and Anders gave him a grateful smile. He had never known Hawke to be that thoughtful and now he was positive, that Hawke wanted Leila to be with Anders. His brother by friendship with his adopted cousin. Anders sighed "If only". They sat down shortly after and Leila gave him a bright smile and a hug as she opened the box. Varric had written her a story, Merill gave her a book and Sebastian a bow.

"A bow?" Anders quirked an eyebrow.

"I have been teaching Leila how to use one. My grandfather said that the bow was the wise mans weapon and I do believe you qualify as being wise." Sebastian smiled at Leila.

"There is a great difference, between saying what is wise and doing it." Leila laughed.

"I thought you didn't want to fight?" Merill asked seriously.

"I don't. I wanted to learn, so I don't need a bodyguard everywhere I go. I want to be good with it, so that I don't create fatal injuries." She explained, looking at Varric who was examining the bow.

"It's nice bow. Nothing to Bianca though." Varric smiled handing Leila the bow.

"Well, I do believe it is time for my gift." Hawke smiled and pointed in direction of the horses.

"You are giving me a horse?" Leila looked at him with disbelief.

"Yup, I said I aimed to spoil you and after that day in lowtown I decided that I should give you one, when the opportunity arose." He smirked.

"You are giving me the palomino?" She asked again and he nodded. Leila jumped over and hugged him tightly and he was laughing, truly pleased with himself.

"How about you try out your new bow and I give you a riding lesson after?" Sebastian suggested reaching for her hand.

Varric, Sebastian and Leila was shooting, having each their own target. Anders had to admit that Leila was improving with each shot, but it pained him that it was Sebastian who taught her. Why couldn't Varric have done it? Anders looked over at Merill and Hawke and the blush on her face was unmistakeable. The two bloodmages were certainly getting closer, Anders just hoped Hawke would not treat her, as if she was Isabella. A bloodmage with a broken heart could easily turn into an abomination. Though, Anders did not always agree with Merill, he would hate to see her hurt. He turned back to watch the archers and grumbled, when Sebastian was showing off, hitting the same spot over and over. Just as Sebastian was about to take another shot a fireball passed him and incinerated his target. He gave Anders a nasty glare, who was standing a few feet behind them smirking, while Leila and Varric was laughing.

"I needed target practice." Anders shrugged, trying to hide the satisfaction he got from being able to take Leila's focus on Sebastian over on himself.

After a few hours were they had eaten and listened to Varric stories, Sebastian was determined to teach Leila how to ride. He lifted her up onto the horse, without the saddle and gave her some basic instructions. Suddenly, Anders saw a spark of mischief in her eyes and she instantly made the horse gallop. She took two rounds and looked at Sebastian's baffled expression and the others were laughing heartily.

"I thought you said your people couldn't ride?" Sebastian asked baffled.

"I said most couldn't, but I am not most people." Leila laughed and stroked the horse fondly.

"I should have know, you little minx." Anders smirked, thinking about how patiently she had listened to both him and Sebastian instructing her.

"Varric, you owe me a sovereign." Hawke smirked beckoning with his hand.

"Sunshine, would you stop keeping your skill set hidden? It is costing me a lot of good coin." Varric grumbled with fake offense.

Leila rode over next to Merill and pulled her up onto the horse. The rode into the water while talking and started following the beach. Anders was tempted to take a horse and follow, but his better judgement won once more.  
On the way back to Kirkwall Anders shared a horse with Varric, as Leila was riding with Sebastian. Anders looked intently at the chaste prince. Hoping that he would somehow mess up and Leila would dislike him.

"Blondie, you are brooding again." Varric commented.

"I am not." Anders denied.

"Come on, it is plain for all to see how you feel about her. You can't fool me." Varric stated.

"You know?" Anders asked mortified.

"Everyone with eyes and ears know, Blondie. Great stuff for my story, the hopeless romantic apostate, falls helplessly in love with an intelligent, beautiful princess from a far away world." Varric replied.

"Wonderful... Now all I need is for Cullen to fall for her and my misery will be complete." Anders groaned.

"Hey, you are better at making up these stories than I am." Varric chuckled.


	16. Chapter 16 Believes

Believes

Leila was in the keep talking to Seamus. Since the party at the Amell estate, they had kept in touch. Seamus enjoyed talking politics with Leila, finding her views refreshing and finding comfort in the fact, there were others who thought differently from his father. Leila enjoyed their discussion, as it gave her an insight into Qunari customs. Hawke and Fenris had told her of course and Anders informed her of their treatment of mages, but it was different talking to someone who admired them. While talking with Seamus, the Viscount walked into the room and over to them.

"Lady Amell, a pleasure to see you again." The viscount said honestly.

"You are to kind." Leila smiled.

"Not at all. Are you discussing politics again?" He asked.

"Yes, father. Though since we are the only once who will listen, it might be fruitless." Seamus replied and the Viscount rubbed his forehead.

"With all due respect, did my proposal reach you? I was uncertain if the seneschal had deemed it worthy of your time." Leila said with a kind smile.

"I did and your suggestions are interesting. The problem is that I already have Meredith at my throat and Orsino at my heels. I cannot risk upsetting either of them. Especially not now, when the city is terrified of heretical giants. You suggestions are welcome, but I cannot act on them at present." The viscount said with regret.

"Father, if you would set an example others would follow." Seamus argued.

"That is enough, Seamus... I will have to leave you. Please stay for dinner lady Amell." The viscount smiled fondly and left.

The disappointment on Leila's face could not be hidden from Seamus.

"He is too concerned with what others believe and that makes him unable to act." Seamus said with a sigh.

"Why is he so afraid of the Knight-commander? He is the viscount, surely the templars should answer to him, not the other way around?" Leila asked and Seamus sighed.

"The viscount will always need the support of the largest force. In Kirkwall that is the templars. One of our predecessors ended up getting murdered, when he tried to throw the templars out. That fear still lingers and pacifies him. If he only realised that if he stood up to them and would take a stand about the Qunari, others would follow him. The city desperately needs a viscount that leads them and is not pushed around by them." Seamus argued.

"Leadership is about assessing the goals and hopes of those you lead and help them to achieve it. If your father is uncertain about the goal, it might be difficult for him to lead." Leila offered and Seamus reached for her hand.

"You think so well of everyone. We could set an example. By speaking our minds we are forcing people to think and reconsider. I am so grateful for your friendship. I wish others would listen to the wisdom in your words." Seamus smiled fondly.

"You give me too much credit." Leila smiled.

"And you give yourself to little." He replied.

-OOO-

Leila walked into the living room, where Hawke was sitting by the fire.

"Garret, can I ask you something?" She asked softly.

"Of course. Sit down." He smiled gesturing to the chair beside him.

"I am finding it hard to believe that all templars are cruel. They are people, so they must diverse just as everyone else." She said looking at him and Garret gave a sigh.

"Not all templars are bad. The knight-captain is decent enough, he is just haunted by his past. Templars are usually recruited among people, who follow orders without question and have a strong belief in the Maker. That means that they don't question things. Many of them are not cruel or evil exactly, just ignorant. It was a templar who helped my father escape the circle long ago. There are those, who prefer the circle to be different, but speaking out against Meredith would be foolish for a templar." Garret replied leaning back into his chair.

"Because they would get fired and lose the right for lyrium." Leila finished.

"Yup, and let me tell that twitching thing they do? Not pretty." Garret smirked.

"If only there were templars willing to cooperate." Leila sighed. Garret stood up and gave Leila his hand.

"Come, we are going to visit the Hanged Man and you can meet a friend of mine. A templar." Garret smiled.

"A templar?" Leila asked wide eyed.

"His name is Ser Thrask, he can be trusted." He smiled and they walked to the Hanged Man.

Meeting Ser Thrask calmed the disquiet Leila had felt since talking to Seamus. They really weren't all bad. If only more templars would follow his example.

-OOO-

Leila was waiting for Sebastian in the chantry. He had promised her lessons today. She was standing watching at the statue of Andraste. Once again wondering why a god would ask his people to give up worldly goods and glory and at the same time ask that it be given to him.

"Leila Amell. My, this is a surprise." Elthina said fondly and Leila turned around.

"Grand Cleric, I was just..."

"Waiting for Sebastian. You have become good friends, from what Sebastian tells me." Elthina replied.

"I suppose we have, though we do not always agree." Leila replied politely.

"About religion. He told me. I must say you have a lot of admires." Elthina smiled walking up next to her.

"I do?" Leila replied with a doubtful expression.

"Yes. The poor speak well of you and you have given them hope. The nobles are already talking of starting a foundation for the poor, showing of their generosity and fighting to overdo each other. And your views on politics are very much debated. You have put a lot of wood on the pyre." She said slightly warningly.

"Informing people that there is a fire, when they ignore the smoke, is not the same, as adding to the pyre." Leila replied firmly but politely. The grand cleric smiled at her.

"You are as gifted with words, as Sebastian said you were." Elthina said fondly.

"Thank you, your grace." Leila smiled.

"Sebastian is a good boy and he values your friendship. But since the death of his family there has been little consistency in his life. He devoted his life to the chantry, but now he walks around unable to make a decision. This makes him vulnerable and easily influenced by others." Elthina replied and, though Leila wasn't oblivious to what the grand cleric was implying, she acted as if ignorant.

"Perhaps, he has so much faith in the Maker, he has kept nothing for himself." Leila suggested.

"The Maker gives us faith, child. He does not take it away." Elthina replied with a chuckle.

"If you don't mind me asking, your grace, but why is it that you do not take a more direct approach to the mages and the Qunari? You, after all, have some influence. Perhaps you could calm these conflicts or even come up with a solution." Leila suggested.

"And so soon you take an interest in our problems. It would not help for us to get involved. Our children learn best, when allowed to learn themselves." Elthina replied.

"And yet I would rather warn my child that fire is dangerous than see them maimed by it, in order for them to learn that lesson." Leila replied looking at the grand cleric, who looked taken aback.

"You do have a gift for twisting the words to your liking." Elthina replied looking at Leila, as if studying her.

"I don't mean to offend you, but on principle I am against religion having an influence in politics. Politics should reflect everyone's point of view, not just one. But you do have power and your people are looking for you to use it. Hoping for you to guide them." Leila replied.

"So young and so passionate. Patience is the best cause of action my child. Do not threat so." Elthina replied and Leila felt heavyhearted. No wonder Anders had trouble with this woman, when she was passively ignoring everything. Before Leila could respond however, Sebastian showed up and Elthina said goodbye.

"Would you take me to the gallows?" Leila asked looking at Sebastian.

"Why would you possibly want to go there?" He asked wide eyed.

"I want to know what the fuss is about. I have been here for eight months and I have still to see it. Please, I can hardly ask Garret to take me." She asked and Sebastian agreed.

-OOO-

Walking around the Gallows Leila almost regretted it. Hawke avoided talking about the tranquil and from looking at them, she could understand why. Anders had told her of course, but she had never fully realised what tranquillity meant. It was like they were drones. Many of them younger than her and Leila's heart ached. The statues and templars who were constantly watching, did not help the disquiet she felt. The tranquil were deemed unfit to take a test and they ended up with their soul torn from them. Yes, she understood that they could pose a danger, but this was inhumane. These were not criminals. Leila didn't know if she should scream or cry. Why didn't they study this more and devote their time to finding a solution, instead of practicing the same rights they did a thousand years ago? Did this society not realise that if they do not evolve, they would die out? Leila saw a man made tranquil and suddenly thought of Anders. Hawke had told her, that his friend had been made tranquil and killed by Anders, as an act of mercy. Leila walked out of the Gallows saying goodbye to Sebastian at the harbour and walking towards Darktown. She hadn't mentioned any of this to Sebastian. She could not bear to hear that it was the will of the Maker. She walked into the clinic and Anders got up from his desk.

"Leila I wasn't expecting you here today." He smiled, but to his surprise she walked up and gave him a hug.

"I am so sorry about Karl. I had no idea. I am so sorry that I couldn't have stopped it. That I wasn't there that night, to take the burden of killing him for you." She said in a low earnest voice pulling away and looked at him.

"Don't say such things. You don't deserve that burden, but thank you. Why are you bringing this up now?" He asked seriously.

"I went to the gallows. I didn't understand... I couldn't comprehend... Oh, Anders I'm so sorry." She replied stroking his cheek fondly and looking at him with sad eyes.

"I see. It's not your fault, you couldn't have known. Just as I did not know about your mother." He said softly.

"How do we do it? How do we move on, when we lose someone we love?" She asked as a tear fell from her eye.

"We learn to live with the pain and hope that something else will be able to fill the void." He said taking her hand placed on his cheek and stroking it fondly. She let go and rested against the table. For a little while she said nothing.

"Once, not so long ago, on my world, there was a man who wanted to help and protect his people. He was full of noble intensions at first, but at some point his lust for power corrupted him. He blamed the misfortunes of his people on one specific race and persecuted them. He held them in camps and after months of deprivation he would kill them. They had to live in hiding. Hide in the strangest places, not to be killed for simply being born a certain race. This went on for a few decades and we look upon this as one of the most terrible things in our history." Leila explained in a low voice, while Anders listened. He could feel Justice roaring inside him.

"Were they ever brought to justice?" He asked trying to remain calm.

"They were. The country even got divided and the former oppressors suffered for decades. But over two decades ago they too were finally given their freedom. Today they are one of the most peaceful countries in our world. They learned from the mistakes of their ancestors and this didn't take a century. Why is that after a thousand years, yours is still not wiser?" She asked looking up at him.

"You know, that is the question I have been asking myself for a long time." He said with a sigh, leaning against the table next to her. Leila leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Anders?" She asked in a low voice.

"Yes?" He replied looking down at her.

"How many of the Kirkwall citizens can read?"

-OOO- two weeks later -OOO-

Anders was sitting in his clinic preparing something for the mage underground, when Hawke without warning ran in the door. Anders quickly pushed his plans into a drawer.  
"For Makers sake, Hawke! Could you at least knock?" Ander growled annoyed.  
"Stop being such a stick in the mud and take a look at this. You will love it!" Hawke replied running over to him placing several pieces of paper in front of him.  
Anders eyes widened as he looked at them. They were prints of drawings, but not just any drawings. There was a drawing of the Knight-commander riding on the viscounts back like a horse and dragging First enchanter Orsino in chains behind her. There was another one, where a merchant cut himself with a knife by accident and templars ready to siege him, completely ignoring the man in robes behind them. And then there was one of the Grand Cleric looking up at the sky, while the Arishok stood behind her shaking his head, as the priest pushed some elves into a crate. They were all comically drawn, but very well done.

"Where did you get these?" Anders asked wide eyed and looked at Hawke who was grinning from ear to ear.

"They are all over Lowtown and spreading fast." Hawke grinned.

"Who made them?" Anders asked heavily surprised.

"No one knows. I suspect Varric knows, but he isn't spilling the beans. Isn't this great? This is as good as your manifesto, but funny." Hawke said cheerfully.

"They are certainly provocative. The person who made these must be very brave or stupid. Meredith will want his head." Anders replied with a smile, as Justice was admiring the courage and Anders the boldness.

"Or her." Hawke said with a shrug and Anders' face turned grim. He looked down at the drawings once more.

"You little fool." He muttered under his breath and got up from his chair walking out the clinic in haste.

"Where are you going?" Hawke yelled.

"I'm going to talk to a friend. Will you lock up the clinic?" Anders replied and continued to walk.

He walked directly up to Hightown and didn't even bother knocking on the door.

"Enchantment!" Sandal said with excitement.

"Master Anders, we weren't expecting you today." Bodahn said with surprise.

"Hello Bodahn. Where is Leila?"

"Upstairs in her room, messere." Bodahn replied as Anders was already on his way up the stairs.

He walked directly into Leila's room and both she and Orana gave a startled look.

"Please leave us, Orana. I need to talk to lady Amell." Anders stated pointing at the door. Orana looked at Leila who nodded even as she was confused. Orana had just exited the door, when Anders slammed it.

"What in the void were you thinking? Makers arse, do you know what could happen to you?" He asked angrily, as his eyes were penetrating her with fury and fear.

"I have no idea what you are referring to. Perhaps, you care to enlighten me **before** you flog me?" She replied coldly.

"You know perfectly well what I am talking about. Do you know what the knight-commander will do to you if she finds out?" He replied seriously, walking over to stand in front of her.

"At the very least, throw me in the brig. Do you think I don't know that?" She replied coldly.

"Why would you do this? You are safe and of want for nothing. Why would you risk it?" He said looking at her almost pleadingly.

"Because, I cannot bear to sit around and twirl fingers, when I know that my three closest friends could be captured or made tranquil. My heart would break to see any of you tranquil or hanged. I might not be able to prevent it, but I will at least make an effort to." She replied looking up at him with tearstained eyes.

"You silly woman. This is not your fight, you should not take such risks." He said sadly stroking her cheek.

"This is **everyone's** fight and had you talked to anyone, but me, you would agree that it is. I cannot go around and save mages. I can't even defend myself, but I can make people aware that there is a problem. Not just the scholars and the nobles, but everyone. This is all I can do and I am tired of feeling useless." She replied and Anders continued to stroke her cheek fondly.

"Who knows about this?" He asked softly.

"Only you and Varric. I am guessing you only found out because you saw my portfolio. Both are made under different aliases and Varric has assured me that nothing can be traced back to me." She replied calmly as a tear fell. Anders removed the tear with his thumb and let out a sigh.

"Just promise me you will lay low for awhile. It would kill me, if something were to happen to you." He admitted, just before Leandra came into the room.

"Oh I am so sorry. I will leave you two alone." She said with a smile.

"That won't be necessary. I was leaving anyway." Anders replied and walked out of the room.


	17. Chapter 17 In order to protect

In order to protect

Leila was helping out at the clinic again. It was both a torment and relief to Anders. When she wasn't there, he would do nothing but think about her and when she was there, he was constantly fighting his need to be near her. Since the party he had tried to push his love for her away, but it seemed that the more time that passed, the stronger his love for her became. It was not helped by the fact that she was now trying to fight for mages in her own way. At least he had not confessed his feelings to her, but he knew it had to be plainly written on his face, every time he looked at her. This was confirmed by Lorene, who came in with some supplies. She gave them to Leila, who took them to the back of the clinic placing them in the cupboards. Once again Anders was grateful, that Leila had gotten the idea of giving him the furniture from Batrand's estate. Despite their creepy origin, he had needed them. Lorene walked up next to him, as he was making some potions.

"I'm so happy for you, Anders. She is such a sweet girl." Lorene said in a low voice.

"She is not mine." Anders replied solemnly.

"Don't look so grim. She is nobility and yet she is down here with you, tending to the sick almost three times a week. She has showed that she can help them, without coming down here and yet she does. And I saw how you looked at each other at that party. You give yourself too little credit." Lorene smiled before walking out of the clinic and Anders gave a heartbroken sigh, before he returned to his potions.

"Lorene is right you know." Anders heard Hawke's voice from behind him.  
Anders turned around and looked at him, with temporary fear that anyone else would have overheard. Leila was luckily in the other end of the clinic and seemed oblivious. He released a breath and it felt as if his heart was in his throat.

"Shh... not so loud damn it." He hushed him and Hawke chuckled.

"Come on Anders. You have been eying her for months. Weren't you the one who told Aveline that if she wasn't willing to take a risk she would have nothing?" Hawke asked raising an eyebrow ad Anders gave a sigh.

"I don't want to hurt her." Anders replied closing his eyes.

"She might like it." Hawke winked with a grin.

"No! You've seen what I am. I would drown us in blood to keep her safe, but I will not risk hurting her." Anders replied in a low broken voice.

"Anders, she cares for you. What happened to "Are you blind man? Kiss her already?"?" Hawke snickered.

"Is there a reason you are here?" Anders asked wanting to change the subject.

"There is this." Hawke pointed to the arrow in his thigh. Anders wondered how he could have missed that.

"Coterie?" Anders quirked an eyebrow.

"Carta. Blasted nughumpers. Couldn't they just fall up into the sky?" Hawke grumbled sitting in the table and Anders smirked. He started to remove the arrow.

"Damn it Anders! Are you trying to kill me?" Hawke grumbled in pain.

"Stop being such a child, Hawke." Anders replied without sympathy and Leila walked up to them, cringing her face in sympathy, as she saw Hawke's leg.

"Ouch!" She said with empathy.

"Very!" Hawke replied and Leila gave him a sweet smile.

"I put the supplies in order in the back. I'll be leaving now, if that is alright." She smiled at Anders.

"Do you have a secret rendezvous?" Hawke teased with a wink.

"Not today. Just a girl's night out with Isabella and Merill. Aveline had other plans." She smiled teasingly and Hawke chuckled. She walked out the clinic and Anders released a breath, he had been holding, for what felt like an eternity.

"What did she mean "not today"?" Anders asked with jealousy evident, when she had gone and Hawke laughed.

-OOO- That night -OOO-

The three women had spent most of the evening at the Hanged Man and were now walking back to Merill's place. They were all intoxicated and very merry until they heard a woman crying, as they were near the alienage. When they heard sounds of struggle, Isabella pulled forth her daggers and they ran towards the sound. When they arrived at the alley, they saw a man lying motionless on the ground and two templars about to rape a young woman.

"Stand still you blasted robe!" A templar with blond hair and sideburns hissed.

"Please don't hurt me! Please!" She begged, but her please were for nothing.

Isabella immediately got behind one of the men and cut his throat, as Merill stone fisted the blonde templar, knocking him unconscious. Leila's eye widened, as this was the first time she had ever seen anyone killed, but recollected herself as the girl fell to the ground crying. Leila and Merill walked over to her and tried to comfort her.

"Thank you." She sobbed.

"You are welcome." Isabella replied and went to check the young man's vitals. From her expression Leila could tell that he was dead.

"I can't believe you did that so quickly." Leila said amazed, but also a little terrified.

"It was only because they were caught off guard." Isabella replied, busy pick pocketing the templars.

"Is he dead?" The girl asked looking at her companion.

"Yes, I'm so sorry." Merill said softly and the girl sobbed.

"You are an apostate?" Leila asked and the girl look frightened.

"Please, don't turn me over to the templars!" She begged horrified.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Take this money and get out of Kirkwall at quickly as possible." Leila said giving her some money. The girl thanked her and ran off into the night.  
Leila walked over to the unconscious templar and Merill and Isabella walked up behind her.

"His name is Ser Karass. Met him a few years ago. A real bastard, but not too bright." Isabella stated.

"Can we report what he has done, to anyone?" Leila asked, though knowing the answer.

"No, no one at all. Do you want me to kill him?" Isabella asked.  
Leila was deep in thought for a moment and Merill looked intensely at her friend. She could not imagine Leila wanting to kill anyone.

"This is probably not the first time, he has raped someone." Leila stated sadly.

"A bastard like this? Probably not." Isabella agreed, kicking him softly with her boot.

"And he will go right back to the Gallows and continue to do it, without anyone stopping him." Leila sighed sadly.

"You are not going to kill him, are you?" Merill asked concerned.

"Sometimes it is better that way, kitten." Isabella replied.

"Merill, how good are you with healing magic?" Leila asked before reaching for one of Isabella's daggers.

-OOO- Two nights after at the Hanged Man-OOO-

Leila, Hawke, Anders, Varric and Isabella was sitting at the Hanged Man. Leila had been unusually quiet lately and Hawke couldn't find out why. He would ask of course, but he thought it probably had something to do with Anders. Hawke fumbled with the wooden Halla, he had bought for Merill, in his pocket. He had hoped he could give it to her tonight, but she hadn't come. He decided that when this hand was played, he was going to visit her. He longed for the sound of her sweet voice and her innocent expression. Both made him want to hold onto her and never let her go. Since he had stopped spending as much time with Isabella, she had started pursuing Fenris. Hawke thought that it was for the best. If anyone needed to get laid it would be that broody elf. Varric suddenly looked up with a grin.

"By the way you have got to listen to this, guys." Varric said excitedly.

"Not more gossip, Varric." Anders groaned with a smirk.

"Oh, you are going to like this one, Blondie. Remember that templar, Ser Karass?" Varric asked.

"The one from the wounded coast, we tricked. Yeah, I remember him. Dumbest templar ever!" Hawke replied with a grin and didn't notice that Leila shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, the other night he returned from patrol alone. His partner had been killed, but that was not the interesting part. Apparently he had been knocked unconscious. When he awoke someone had castrated him, healed him and tied his manhood in a neat ribbon around his neck." Varric grinned, while Anders and Hawke couldn't help but roar with laughter, after cringing their faces in mild compassion. Leila had turned pale and Isabella was watching her.

"The bastard probably deserved it." Isabella stated with a comforting smile, looking at Leila.

"Do we know who did it?" Anders asked enthusiastically.

"Nope. Yet another mystery to be solved." Varric answered.

"Who cares? Well, thanks for the drinks Varric. I think I am going to go visit Merill and make sure she hasn't been mugged." Hawke smiled and left.

Another round of drinks was brought up and Varric noticed Leila's expression.

"Looking a little pale there, Sunshine." He said concerned.

"It's fine. I... I'll just go get some fresh air." Leila said standing up and walking out the room.

"Anders, you should go after her. She needs someone to talk to." Isabella said seriously.

"Alright." Anders replied a little curiously and walked after Leila.

"What is going on Rivani?" Varric asked.

"The bow was my idea." Isabella smirked.

"Your idea?" He raised an eyebrow.

"The other night..." She began.

Anders walked outside and looked around, but couldn't see Leila right away. His heart was quickly grabbed by fear, that something should have happened to her and panicked, he looked around. He gave a sigh with relief, when he saw her hiding in the shadows leaning against a wall.

"There you are! You could have been a rogue with your talent for hiding." Anders smiled with relief, but it faded as he saw her pale expression and her tearstained eyes.

"Are you sick?" He asked concerned, taking fast steps towards her and feeling her brow. There was no fever, but she was shivering.

"What's wrong? Are you hurting?" He asked with concern and summoned some of his magic letting his healing hand run over her.

"It was me." She said in a low voice.

"It was you what?" Anders asked confused and she began trembling even more.

"Tell, me what happened." He said in a low caring voice.

"I was walking home with Isabella and Merill, when they stopped those templars in the middle of raping a young mage. They killed one templar and the other was knocked unconscious. Isabella suggested that we kill him, but I couldn't make myself agree to it." She explained trembling and Anders stroked her arms to give her comfort, while Justice raged inside him.

"Shhh... I know this is all foreign to you. It can't have been easy seeing that, but it was Merill and Isabella that killed that templar, not you." He said softly, knowing that killing didn't come as natural to her as it did to them. She was pure in that sense.

"You don't understand. I knew that if we allowed him to live, he would in all likelihood rape someone else. And with no one able to stop him. I couldn't let him do that. So I took Isabella's dagger, castrated him and had Merill heal him. I ruined his life." She replied her voice full with guilt, shivering uncontrollably and silent tears falling from her eyes.

Anders was confused by his own emotions. Heartbroken to see her blaming herself like this, while Justice was roaring in ecstasy, for the justice that had been done. She was in shock and had probably been since it happened. He took her face between his hands and looked down into her watery eyes, plague by guilt and full of compassion, for the man she had mutilated. She felt a surge of electricity go through her, as his warm hands embraced her face. He looked at her with those warm brown eyes, that had so much kindness in them and she felt her heartbeat quicken.

"Let me tell you about this man. Ser Karass has raped several mages in the Gallows. That is how he keeps them in line. An acquaintance of ours, called Alain, has gotten several visits from this man, but he was told that if reported it, he would be made tranquil. You spared Karass' life, where most of us would have killed him and yet you made sure he could never harm anyone, like that again." He smiled looking down at her and saw relief, when she realised that this man had been as bad as she had thought.

"It was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. I have caused him great pain." She said softly, before giving a sob.

"And he would have continued to cause even greater pain. You gave the mages the justice no one else was willing to give. Did you know most mages die by their own hands, partly because of men like him? You have saved so many lives and spared him, even as he didn't deserve it. The mages in the Gallows won't know who to thank, so let me do it for them. Thank you, sweet, merciful Leila." He said lovingly looking down at her.

She smiled softly and leaned against him, with her hands on his chest. He could feel them almost burning through his robes, the skin on his chest waiting in anticipation for her soft touch. His breathing became deep and he could see her chest moving quickly with each breath. Her breathing made the swell of her breasts rise, as they were held in place by her corset. She felt so undeserving of the kindness he showed her and wanted to show how much it meant to her. Slowly she stood on hers toes to kiss him. He could feel her breath on his lips and was so tempted to give into her. At the last moment he pulled away.

"You don't want to do this. Supporting apostates is a hanging offense... You could have a real life you don't want to be with an apostate." He said softly with pain and sorrow filling his voice. He took a step backwards, his heart screaming in agony.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." She replied blushing and looking embarrassed, while turning her gaze away. He took her chin and forced her to look at him.

"It's not you. You are wonderful. The one bright light in Kirkwall, but I have no control around you. If you tie yourself to me I will only hurt you." He said fondly, but regret was painfully evident.

"Anders I..." She began, but was interrupted by Hawke coming from the alienage and had a big grin on his face, with Merill walking right behind him. Anders pulled away quickly.

"Merill, told me what you did. You wonderful woman!" Hawke exclaimed happily and lifted her twirling her around, making Leila laugh with pained disbelief.

"I mutilate someone, am witness to a murder, take the law in to my own hands and then I am praised to the skies for it. I really don't get this world." Leila shook her head, while drying her tears.

"Welcome to Thedas. Now let's get you a drink!" Hawke said happily and wrapped an arm around her shoulder leading her into the Hanged Man. Anders leaned his hand against the wall and gave a trembled breath. Justice was scolding him for letting it go that far and his heart screaming at him for not giving in to the kiss. He was losing control and losing it fast.

-OOO-

It had been over a week since the incident with Ser Karass and Leila was still not herself. She looked as lost and sad, as when she had first discovered she was stuck in Thedas. Hawke's heart was aching at the sight. Leila had taken the filled the empty void in his heart, that was created after Bethany's death and the same was true for Leandra. Everyone in the group had tried to cheer her up, but nothing seemed to work. Hawke was on his way to bed, when he heard a knock on his door.

"I am sorry Master, but it's Mistress Leila." Orana said carefully looking in the door.

"What is wrong?" Hawke asked with concern.

"She is sick." Orana replied and Hawke walked passed her into Leila's room.

Leila was lying on her bed shivering, her eyes red from tears and breathing erratically. Ebony was lying next to her in bed, whining and licking her shoulder. Hawke sat down next to her and stroked her hair, but she didn't respond. She looked like she hadn't eaten or slept for days and Hawke figured that she probably hadn't.

"Orana, go tell Bodahn to fetch Anders." Hawke said, as he lifted Leila to sit and embraced her. He held her for a few minutes before she spoke.

"I hate what I have done. I hate what I have become. I hate what this world has helped change me into." She said in a low voice, which was full of self loathing. Hawke took a deep breath.

"After my first year in Kirkwall, I was hired to hunt down a criminal. When I arrived, where I was supposed to apprehend him, I found out that he had killed several elven children. Because they were elves, the city guard and magistrates didn't bother. When I caught up to him, he told me that he was the son of one of the magistrates. The murderer was a mage, who had gone mad, claimed that he was possessed by demons, when he wasn't. Because of the magistrate, he was not brought to justice and was allowed to continue to do this. The murderer begged me to kill him, so that he would not claim any more victims. Even had he not wanted to die I would have killed him, because it would have saved other lives. What you did to Ser Karass was no different. Only he felt no physical pain at all and still has his life." Hawke explained and realised that Anders was already standing in the doorway. Hawke nodded and Anders came closer and kneeled in front of Leila. Hawke was truly grateful for that basement.

"Hawke, is right. There isn't much justice in this world. Even the laws, that are in place, people ignore. Sometimes we are forced to do little evil in order to prevent a greater one." Anders said softly.

"I hate Kirkwall." Leila said in a low voice and the men looked at each other, unable to find a single word between them.

"Anders, is going to have a look at you. You will be all better in no time." Hawke smiled and pulled away.

Anders sat on the bed next to her and began checking her. Anders was always careful and attentive with his patients, but seeing the way he treated Leila was something else. His movements and care was loving and affectionate, even as he wasn't trying to be. Hawke felt so bad for both Leila and Anders. This city was really not good for either of them. Had they been anywhere else, perhaps they would not be so reluctant, to give into the affection they held for each other. Hawke had never seen himself as a matchmaker, but these two people were his family, so how could he not encourage them? He remembered the deal he made with a redhaired elf he met earlier that evening.

"Leila, would you like to see a different country? Get out of Kirkwall for a while?" Hawke asked with a smile and both Anders and Leila looked at him.

"What did you have in mind?" Leila asked unable not to smile at Hawke's enthusiasm.

"Orlias! And we are leaving in three days." Hawke grinned.

"I would love too." Leila said excited.

"Great, what about you Anders? I could use your help and it would be good for you." Hawke smiled.

"I don't..." Anders began.

"Please Anders. We can bring your manifesto and some of my research. We could spread it in the heart of the chantry. Perhaps they would consider it." Leila said seriously and Hawke could almost see, how Anders was drowning in both her eyes and words.

"Alright." Anders smiled and gave a chuckle, as Leila's eyes lit up.

"Perhaps you will even meet the divine." Hawke grinned.

_-OOO- Authors note-OOO-  
I always wanted to do that to Karass, ever since I heard Alain telling us in the Gallows that he gets visits from him at night. One of the reasons I find it so difficult siding with templars. Hope you liked it, please review._


	18. Chapter 18 The Mark I

The Mark I

Almost two weeks had pasted since the incident with Karass and Leila had tried to accept, what she had done. It was not right, but a part of her didn't regret it one bit. That was what terrified her the most. It was only few people who knew, what she had done, but she was surprised by the amount of respect it had gotten her. The group knew, except Sebastian and no one beyond. Even Aveline seemed to approve, though she did not say so out loud. After all the man had kept his life.

Leila and Hawke were walking towards the harbour, with Ziggy and Ebony right behind them. Leila's spirits had been lifted by the prospect of this trip, but Hawke knew she was far from well. Hopefully, Anders would take the opportunity to finally do something about him and Leila. Hawke knew that Fenris liked her as well, but it was not nearly as deep or as profound, as what Anders seemed to feel. Then there was Sebastian, but what was the chaste prince going to do? Hawke had tried to convince him to take back Stark Haven, but he was so indecisive. Was Leila going to have to wait, while he tried to make up his mind? That could take years. Besides, Leila didn't seem to care for him, as anything but as a friend. Then there was Seamus. Now if Anders wanted to find his true rival, he would be the one. No, Hawke wanted his family to be complete and without Bethany and Carver, that meant Leila and Anders. As they walked along the harbour Leila began.

"So where in Orlais are we going exactly?"

"Well, first we have a week onboard a ship to Val Chevin. Then we are off to Chateau Hayne, where Duke Prosper as invited us to join his hunting party." Hawke explained with a smile.

"A hunt? You are going hunting?" Leila asked looking at him with disbelief.

"Yup, it is going to be fun." Hawke grinned.

"A girl talked you into, right?" Leila looked at him with a grin.

"You know me to well." Hawke chuckled.

When they arrived at the ship, Isabella, Anders, Varric and some elf, Leila didn't know, was waiting for them.

"Leila, this is our new friend Tallis. Tallis this is my cousin." Hawke introduced.

"A pleasure to meet." Tallis smiled and gave Leila her hand.

"Likewise." Leila smiled.

"So are we ready to leave?" Tallis asked.

"Yes let's go on board. I am looking forward to seeing more of those nice moves of yours." Hawke winked at Tallis, who gave him a seductive smile, before walking with Isabella, Leila and Varric onto the ship. Ziggy ran up onto the boat, but Ebony was standing and looking down on the waves whining. Hawke tried to pick him up, but it nearly bit him.

"Ouch! You crazy hound! How you ever came from my beloved Ziggy is a mystery." Hawke grumbled.

The dog ran to Anders and sat in front of him looking up at him whining.

"Oh, no. Forget it! There is no way I'm carrying you." Anders stated crossing his arms. The puppy gave a begging howl.

"Hey! Get your dog to keep quiet!" One of the sailors scolded at Anders.

"Now, see what you have done?" Anders told Ebony sternly, who in responds pushed to his leg with his nose. Anders gave a heavy sigh and picked up Ebony, who started wagging his tail in approval. Hawke looked at him dumbfounded.

"Normally no one can get near that beast, but Leila." He said wide eyed as they walked onto the ship.

"I think this as strange as you. I'm a cat person, he is not supposed to like me." Anders replied and couldn't help but smile, as Ebony nudge his chin with his nose.  
Anders put the dog down, when they got on the ship and Ebony ran to his mistress, who gave a bright smile. Hawke and Anders walked over to the others and looked out over the railing, while Kirkwall, Qunari, Mages and Templars faded away in the distance. Isabella took a deep breath.

"This is the best feeling in the world." She said with contentment.

"It is wonderful." Leila agreed.

"Okay guys, let us find our quarters and then the whisky." Garret smiled leading the way.  
That evening after dinner, Leila saw Anders and Hawke talking on the deck, leaning up against the railing. Something about all of this was nagging her. Something wasn't right. She walked up to them and smiled sweetly, before turning to Hawke.

"Garret, what is really going on with Tallis?" Leila asked.

"She jumped from a roof, saved me from an ambush of Crows and asked for my help. I could hardly refuse." Hawke grinned.

"So you trust this woman, who leapt off a rooftop into the middle of an ambush with the Crows?" Anders lifted an eyebrow.

"Relax, I'm pretty sure she is not a templar, Anders." Hawke dismissed with a smile.

"And what exactly does she need help with?" Leila asked.

"Some of her property has been… misplaced in the duke's care and I am helping her retrieve it." Hawke shrugged.

"You are going to **rob** him?!" Leila hissed under her breath and Anders looked at him with disapproval.

"Didn't you listen? It **belongs** to her. Besides don't worry. Varric, Tallis, Isabella and I will handle the… ehm… repossession of her item and you and Anders will be enjoying yourselves." Hawke argued with a smile.

"That's **it**! Where are those lifeboats? I am getting of this thing." Leila said half joking, looking around.

"Hawke, this was a bad idea." Anders shook his head.

"Hey! If memory serves, weren't those maps you gave me stolen?" Hawke grinned and Anders groaned.

"The only people I know kill and steal for a living. How long before I end up the same way, I wonder?" Leila sighed bending forward, leaning her head against the railing. Unconsciously Anders put his hand on her back and began stroking her. She looked up at him with a smile and for a few moments they just looked at each other. Hawke tried hard to force his chuckle back down his throat.

"It could be worse. We could be slavers or darkspawn. And we are not planning on killing anyone. I think this might be fun and I look forward to getting to know Tallis better." Hawke grinned.

"What is it with you and helping cute elves with no self-preservation instinct?" Anders chuckled and Leila smiled standing up again.

"I don't know. The same instinct that makes me befriend possessed mages?" Hawke teased.

"And aliens." Leila smirked. "Goodnight gentlemen." She continued before walking away.

"This was not a good idea, Hawke. She is struggling enough with her morals as it is." Anders said with concern.

"Look, you know as well as I, that she needed to get away for awhile. Three weeks away from Kirkwall should do the trick. We are staying at the Duke's for three days. The last evening there will be a banquette, that's when everyone is occupied and we will be stealing the jewel. When we do this, I want you to take Leila and leave. I have arranged for lodging in Val Chevin, where you can wait for us to meet up with you and then we all go home. You get some fresh air, Leila gets a change of scenery and the rest of us get the adventure." Hawke smiled brightly and Anders sighed.

"And to think I could be home with the rats in Darktown." He smirked, really regretting he had agreed to this.

-OOO-

They were in the carriage Hawke had paid for, to take them to Chateau Hayne. The week on the ship had been pleasant enough and Leila had cheered up a lot. After speaking with Tallis, she had made the conclusion that retaking something, which had been stolen from her, was not lawfully right, but morally right. If she could only find away to truly believe in her justifications, maybe she would be alright. Hawke was getting insane. Nothing, absolutely nothing, had happened between Leila and Anders. Hawke wanted so much for Leila to be happy, since he put her in this mess and he was sure Anders would make her so. If only the blighted moron would get over his brooding and self-loathing, he could find some happiness as well. They were getting closer to the castle and Leila was taking in the scenery, enjoying the forest and mountains. Anders was sitting next to her, with Ebony between their legs. A necessary precaution should the beast turn angry. Still just a large puppy and already as scary as darkspawn.

"…so there will be a reception today, the hunt is tomorrow and the banquette will be the last day." Tallis explained.

"And that's when the excitement begins." Isabella smiled clearly eager.

"Our little Hawke is growing up, Rivaini." Varric said with pride.

"I know! Burglary and espionage! I'm so proud of him right now, I could burst!" Isabella sighed with a smile.

"Soon, he'll be sharking card games and swindling merchants all on his own! Brings a tear to my eye!" Varric smiled.

"Everything I know about being a scoundrel, I learned from you two." Hawke chuckled.

"I think I'm going to cry. Look at me! I'm getting misty-eyed!" Isabella replied.

"Why don't I know anyone normal?" Leila teased with a sigh.

"I'm normal!" Tallis argued with fake offense.

"Didn't you jump down a roof and start attacking people?" Anders chuckled.

"In a completely normal fashion!" Tallis replied.

"Alright I digress." Leila laughed.

"By the way there is something you should know. Varric you are listed as a dwarven noble companion. Tallis, you as Leila's handmaiden, Isabella you are my companion. Leila, you are of course registered as my cousin and Anders as your fiancé." Hawke listed giving them each their invitation.

"**What?!**" Anders and Leila cried out in unison.

"It was the only way, I could bring everyone. They are very strict about who they let in, you know." Hawke defended.

"And I was just beginning to relax." Leila sighed, as she was turning pale.

"Yes, this was definitely a bad idea." Anders said, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Don't worry, Blondie. You are supposed to be nobility. I am sure they have arranged for separate bedchambers." Varric chuckled.

"Aaaawww, that's a shame." Isabella replied with a fake pout.

"Wait, so you two aren't together?" Tallis said a little confused looking at them.

"**No!**" They replied again in unison.

"Tsk tsk… You are too posing as if you are, so you might as well start now." Hawke shook his head, with his usual lack of seriousness.

"You know for two people, who are not involved, you sure act like it." Varric stated and got a scowl from both of them. "Just saying." He continued lifting his hand apologetic

"Seriously Anders, just bend her over a table, already and get it over with." Isabella said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Okay, is it and option to walk the rest of the way?" Leila asked looking outside.

"Only, if you don't mind becoming breakfast to wyverns, wolves or dragons." Tallis replied.

"I'll take my chances. Will someone tell the coach to stop?" Leila replied, standing up with her hand holding the door.

"**Don't you dare!** You are not leaving me alone with these wolves." Anders stated, taking her arm and gently pulling her back down on the seat.

She looked at him with a blush forming on her cheeks and he was feeling as embarrassed as her. Though better at hiding it. They arrived at Chateau Hayne and got out of the carriage, the dukes servants coming to take their luggage. The castle was beautiful and placed in the middle of some lovely wilderness. Leila couldn't help but smile. This was much more pleasant than Kirkwall. They walked towards the entrance and Hawke walked up next to Leila and Anders.

"Take his arm for Makers sake!" Hawke said in a low voice.

"I am going to kill you." Anders replied in a low growl.

"Not if I get to him first." Leila interjected, as she wrapped her arm in Anders'.

"Ahh, and the Amell's are here. It is a pleasure to have some from your line with us." The duke greeted them.

"I'm sorry about this." Leila said sheepishly to Anders in a low voice, while Hawke and the duke were talking.

"Why are you apologizing? This was Hawke's doing." He replied.

"Yes, but I convinced you to come." She whispered looking at Hawke.

"I agreed to come. And it is still a good idea, to see if we can make some progress here as well. Actually this might work to our advantage. We can talk and work in each other's rooms, without anyone finding it odd." He replied with a smirk.

"And this is your cousin. Such a lovely specimen." The duke greeted.

"You are to kind, your grace." Leila replied with a sweet smile.

"Will you be joining our hunt, as well?" He asked.

"No, I will leave that in more capable hands. I did hear you have a fine art collection, I would like to see it if I may." She replied.

"And so you shall. I understand congratulations are in order. You are the lucky man I take it?" The duke continued.

"Very lucky. But we are tired from the journey, so if you will excuse us. Come, my love." Anders replied, leading Leila away from the highly uncomfortable conversation. He was surprised by this sudden boldness, which had not been present often since Justice. Leila's heart skipped a beat, as a surge went through her body, at the endearment he used. _"This is going to be torture. What the hell was Garret thinking?"_.

-OOO-

That evening Varric, Hawke and Anders were waiting for the three ladies to join them. Hawke had lent Anders the same clothes as last time. Tallis was the first to come down and informed them on what she had found out about the castle so far. Shortly after, both Isabella and Leila walked down the stairs. Anders lost his breath looking at Leila, who was wearing dark purple dress. It looked a little like a magerobe from the circle, but with no sleeves and the see-through fabric leading form the corset and up around her shoulder had a silver pattern. Around her waist was a sliver belt. Her hair was gathered in the back of her neck with some curls hanging lose. Isabella was wearing a dark blue dress with her hair lose.

"What are you waiting for, Blondie. Go greet your fiancé." Varric teased and Anders gave him a scowl, before going over and offering Leila his arm.

"This game might go horribly wrong, at some point. We will have to make him pay somehow." Leila teased in a low voice taking his arm.

"Oh, I am already planning on turning him into a toad." Anders smirked, as they walked over to join the others.

"Just how long has this wyvern hunt been going on?" Hawke asked.

"It's an annual tradition the Montforts began to keep the population down. They breed quickly." Tallis replied.

"And the Orlesian nobility is only too happy to help out?" Hawke quirked and eyebrow.

"It's a game. The Montforts are close to the empress, so anything that pleases them is worth pursuing. Plus you should really try the aquae lucidius. You'll be seeing purple dragons in the sky for days." Tallis smiled.

"I wonder who thought of making a drink from poison. Was it an accident?" Anders mused.

"I vote for failed assassination attempt." Leila remarked and Anders chuckled.

"Forty crowns a bottle on the black market. Not that I've checked or anything." Varric continued.

"You really should try it Leila. It is very good." Isabella suggested.

"Hell no! Last time I got a drink with you, both you and Hawke ended up in my bed and Anders had to remove you." Leila replied and rolled her eyes, as she saw the look on Varric and Tallis' faces, while Hawke, Isabella and Anders were laughing.

"Not a word dwarf!" Leila warned and Varric chuckled.

"So anyway, the hunt is tomorrow. Do you mind staying here alone Leila or do you want to give that bow a try?" Hawke asked.

"I'll stay here. I think I could use a break from all this prodding, about an imaginary relationship." Leila replied drily and all but Anders chuckled.


	19. Chapter 19 The Mark II

The Mark II

The second day at Chateau Hayne, all the nobles were getting ready for the hunt. Anders and Leila had been working last night, combining the best of the material and arguments about the mages. The idea was to get them distributed, when they were in Val Chevin. They would even try to find a way to get them to Val Royeaux. Yesterday had been awkward, beyond belief. Since Anders refused her, she hadn't exactly been comfortable around him. She could control it, when focused on a task and talking about practical matters. But playing his fiancé was not easy for her. She tried to control her emotions of course, focusing on everything else, but the problem was that she liked thinking about Anders. She liked the feelings connected to those thoughts. But he had refused her. Both he and Justice had, in a very kind way none the less. And this was just a crush. She was just feeling lonely and had been upset about Karass. There was no reason to think, it was more than that. They were friends and they worked towards a common goal, equality for all. She just had to keep her faculties under control. She was in her room, getting Ebony ready for the hunt. He and Ziggy could use some air and running around in the wilderness. She put the leash on him and he whined.

"I know sweetheart, but it is required." She smiled.

She walked down to the courtyard and went over to Anders, who was leaning against the wall observing the nobles. She walked over and gave him a smile.

"These people spend their lives surrounded by real injustices. But instead they waste their time fighting some poor mindless beast." Anders stated shaking his head.

"Don't remind me. I am feeling sorry for them already. What do they look like anyway?" Leila replied.

"Well, the duke as one as a pet. Come and I'll show you." Anders replied taking her over to the cage were Leopold was kept. Leila was awestruck.

"He is beautiful!" She gasped with a smile and Anders chuckled.

"You're as bad as Merill. I wonder what your reaction will be, if you ever meet a darkspawn." He smirked.

"With all this talk of them, I will have to see them some day." She replied still looking at the wyvern. Anders took her hand and made her look at him.

"No. I will do anything in my power to insure that you never will. You know what they did to Hawke's siblings. He won't let it happen either." Anders said seriously and her expression softened.

"You two really are protective of me. Like two older brothers, watching over me as if I were a child. Don't worry. I have no plans on venturing into the deeproads." She smiled and though Anders returned it, his heart twisted at the word "brother". His heart did not wish for her to feel that way and Justice thought it for the best.

"Good. You are the first Hawke I have met with some sense." Anders smirked.

"What were Garret's siblings like?" Leila asked.

"Well, I never met Bethany, but from what Hawke says she had a good heart. Being on the run never made her bitter. That she never turned down a chance to help people. Much like you. Carver on the other hand was very bitter and angry. Desperately trying to prove himself. Before he joined the wardens he was constantly at Hawke's throat, but Hawke claimed it got a little better over time." Anders explained.

"Must have been hard for Hawke, to lose them both. But at least Carver is still alive." Leila replied sadly.

"Yes, but it's not easy, being a Warden. Sometimes it's better to cut all ties with your old life. When I joined, all I wanted was an escape from the Circle. But it's more. It's a calling, it really is. Carver's the kind of man who can find fulfillment in battling the darkspawn. He is probably doing fine." Anders smiled.

"Are you ready, Anders?" Hawke said as he and the other approached.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Anders sighed.

"Why are you going on this hunt? Couldn't you just wait here?" Leila asked, truly wondering about the purpose of this hunt.

"Because, it would look suspicious. And I don't want to wait around all day for the Orlisians to find something, do you?" Tallis replied.

"Perhaps the Duke should tell them, that wyvern dens contain the latest footwear from Val Royeaux." Anders smirked and Leila chuckled.

"Why do I have a picture of Leopold here in high heels? Anyway, happy hunting then." Leila smiled.

"Thanks Sunshine. Now let's get this show on the road. Bianca is getting impatient." Varric added.

"So am I." Isabella agreed. Leila kneeled down and petted Ebony.

"Now you be good, you hear? And listen to Anders." Leila said sternly and Ebony barked in agreement. She stood up and handed the leash to Anders.

"Thank you for doing this." She smiled.

"Not a problem. Come on, you mangy beast. Let's see if that nose of yours, works as it should." Anders replied, while suppressing a smirk and they all left the Chateau. Leaving Leila behind.

-OOO-

Leila had spent the most of the day talking to a scholar, who had appeared at the Chateau not long after the others had left. She had some quite interesting conversations with him. During the day she had also been introduced to a Lelianna, a Bann Teagan and a Lady Isolde. Now, however, she was left alone in one of the Duke's studies. He had granted her permission to use it during their stay. She had never seen so many books in her life. She missed the internet. It was so much easier to find information. She missed home on general. Though, her friendships had made this isolation from her world more bearable. Especially Anders made her feel less alone. There was a piano in the middle of the study. Hawke didn't have one and she hadn't played in over a year. She sat at the piano and began to hit the notes softly. Apparently she remembered more than she thought. She made sure not to play very loudly and after a while began to sing in a very low voice. Embarrassed if someone should hear her.

If there's any justice in the world,  
I would be your girl,  
You would be my man,  
If I'd found you first you know it's true,  
He would be alone,  
I would be with you.

When you decide, don't let me down,  
Coz there's nothing to be certain in my life,  
And you've seen a thousand times  
There's not much justice in the world

If there's any justice in your heart,  
Your love really changed,  
Ease it into heart,  
Why don't you remember how it feels,  
Not to give a damn,  
For anyone but me

I can't believe, you'd be deceived,  
Changing memories from truth to fantasy,  
Where there's nothing left but tears,  
there's not much justice in the world

If I should lose you love, you know,  
That there's not much justice in the world

As she stopped singing she continued to play. What she wasn't aware of, was that the others had returned and Anders was standing alone outside the library, hearing every word and note. His heart was beating with excruciating pain. The only relief was that Justice kept quiet. For once not scolding or correcting him. Just when he had thought that this torture could not get any worse, he absolutely had to come back in time to hear that. As if Hawke's pushing, the other's teasing, Justice's scolding and Leila's sweetness and flirtatious remarks wasn't enough. He stood there for a few minutes, but it seemed like hours. It felt so difficult to face her now. Ebony was at his feet, respecting with his mistress wishes to comply with every order, Anders gave him. Therefore he had been completely quiet the entire time. Anders kneeled down and released the hound from its leash and told it to run to his mistress. The dog ran to her and she greeted it with a bright smile and Anders stood in the doorway, not daring to go any closer.

"You're back. How did the hunt go?" Leila smiled, oblivious to the fact that he had heard her.

"Why don't you go out and see?" Anders smiled despite himself.

They walked outside together, but Anders kept his distance, knowing that should his hand as much a brush her, he would lose all his resolve. Months of keeping her at a distance, in order to protect her, would have been for nothing. In the courtyard were Hawke, Isabella, Tallis and Varric, standing in front of a giant wyvern. Leila laughed with disbelief as she saw it.

"Come and see our trophy! We won and got the honour of first kill." Hawke smiled brightly and Leila walked closer.

"Poor creature." Leila said with sympathy.

"Poor creature? It was trying to eat us!" Varric argued.

"Surely it was no match for Bianca." Leila winked and the dwarf smiled with pride.

"See Bianca, Leila gets your importance." Varric replied stroking his crossbow fondly.

"What is that smell?" Leila asked looking around with a disgusted expression.

"That would be Hawke." Isabella replied cringing her nose.

"Your cousin decided to go elbow deep in wyvern shit!" Tallis explained.

"Eeeww!" Leila replied with disgust.

"And on that note, I am getting a bath!" Isabella said and walked off.

"That might be a good idea, before I upset any more people. These guys can give you the details." Hawke replied and followed Isabella.

"Actually, I think I am going to get some rest." Anders told them before walking up into his room.

His heart was beating painfully the entire way. He closed the door behind him, before letting out a pained low growl. Her words were playing over and over again in his mind. Taunting the very nature of what he was. Pushing his resolve and heartache to the breaking point. He had never known torture like this. The physical pain from the templars he could handle. He just used his anger to overcome it, to push away the pain, but this. This hopelessness, which was created by feeling love, was pulling his heart in two different directions at once. In his frustration he picked up a glass on the night stand, threw it into the air and hit it with a lightning bolt. As it shattered, he cried out in frustration. Leila had told him he could control his emotions with his thoughts, but how was he supposed to take his mind of her, when everything reminded him of her? He collapsed on his bed, praying that he would fall asleep and dream of her. At least there he could be with her, without having to fear for her safety.

-OOO-

The next morning, Anders had not been down for dinner the previous night and he was yet to come down for breakfast. Highly unusual, especially for a warden. He had told Hawke, that he felt sick and might have been infected by a little poison from the wyvern. He had been given the salve, but Hawke highly doubted he had used it. Both he and Anders had been some distance from the creature and to his knowledge neither of them had been hit. More than likely Hawke had pushed him too far, when he had listed Anders and Leila as being engaged. It was true that he needed a reason for bringing them as guests, but he could have used another relation. Leila seemed worried as well, but kept herself occupied. After breakfast, Hawke grabbed some bread and cheese and went to Anders' room. He knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Anders called.

"It's Hawke."

"Go away." Anders groaned.

"Is that any way to talk to your best friend? Especially, when he has brought you breakfast?" Hawke called back and thanked the Maker for Anders' warden appetite, which made him come and open the door. Hawke walked inside and gave Anders the bread and cheese. Anders sat down on the bed and began eating.

"Anders, I am sorry. I had no idea my teasing would affect you so." Hawke said looking down at his friend.

"I can handle your teasing. I just have some problems. They have nothing to do with you." Anders explained sadly.

"Is Justice bothering you?" Hawke asked concerned.

"You could say that." Anders gave a bitter laugh.

"Anders, I need you to get Leila out of here tonight. I need to know I can count on you." He replied seriously.

"Of course you can. I'll just get bathed and dressed and I'll be down this afternoon." Anders replied looking down at the floor.

"Cheer up buddy. I'm sure things will get better. We still have the option of living the daring lives of lyrium smugglers and poisoning the templars." Hawke grinned and patted Anders on his back, the gesture creating a small smile on the healer's lips.

-OOO-

That afternoon Anders, Hawke and Varric made sure that everything was packed in the carriage, taking Anders and Leila away from the château that evening. Hawke had invented the excuse that they needed to go back early, to make preparations for their wedding. Not a lie that Anders or Leila had been comfortable with. Seeing Anders that morning, Hawke had begun to wonder, if bringing them had been a mistake. Anders had looked as miserable, as the night he had been forced to kill Karl. As the day passed however, he seemed to be in better spirits. When the banquette finally started, he even had a smile on his face. Though, he and Leila didn't talk much. Right now, they were standing in the corner alone. Though, Leila spoke, he only replied with short answers. Hawke walked over to them and talked for a little while.

"What was your father like?" Anders asked.

"You could never get a straight answer out of the man. Everything was a joke. People say I take after him." Hawke chuckled.

"If more mages were allowed to keep their families, people would learn not to fear them so much. At the Circle, any accidental babies are taken away before the mother even sees them." Anders replied bitterly and Leila put a hand to her mouth.

"That's terrible. Those coldhearted **bastards!**" She exclaimed trying hard to control the volume of her voice.

"And the Chantry says it's all about protecting families." Hawke said sarcastically.

"And this is the religion Sebastian wants me to convert to? He can **forget it!**" Leila grumbled and this forced a smile from Anders' lips and a chuckle from Hawke's. They all noticed the attention that remark had attracted and Anders decided to change the subject.

"You know, this hobnobbing with the nobility suits you." Anders noted.

"Did he just insult us?" Leila asked faking offense, looking at Hawke.

"I suspect so." Hawke grinned and Anders chuckled.

"Meant in the best possible way. I knew the day I met you that you'd rise above the rest of the refugees. I wish there were more nobles who had to earn it." Anders replied seriously.

"Unlike me, who just stumbled into it? Or was I dragged?" Leila mused with a smirk.

"You put up with Hawke on a daily basis. I would say you've earned it." Varric chuckled from behind them and he and Isabella joined the conversation. A few minutes later Tallis came up to them.

"That door leads into the part of the castle, we need to get to." Tallis said pointing at the door.

"I hear a "but" coming." Varric replied.

"What's the problem? It's under water? Enchanted with ancient Tevinter runes? Covered in spiders?" Anders smirked and Hawke and Leila chuckled.

"I can't get it open. Bend a nice set of lock picks in that stupid door! One of the guards must have a key. They wouldn't lock themselves out of the castle… I hope." Tallis replied.

"Why else would the party be in the garden? He probably has someone breaking a window right now." Hawke chuckled and Leila rolled her eyes.

"I could make that work actually, but in the meantime, let's find someone with a key." Tallis smiled.

"We should split up. We can cover more ground that way." Isabella suggested.

"Right. Anders, you and Leila are to leave now, we'll see you in a few days. Varric, Isabella, search for another entrance. Tallis you're with me."

Anders took Leila's hand and after saying goodbye to Duke Prosper, Bann Teagan and Leilianna, they left the party. They got into the carriage, with both dogs and began the journey to Val Chevin. Anders sat across from Leila and found that he had to remind himself, not to look at her every few minutes. Leila looked out the window and stared at the moon, as a smile formed on her lips. She was so beautiful with the moonlight caressing her fair, white skin and Anders was amazed, how something as simple as the moonlight and sunlight could make her smile. She still enjoyed simple things, which Anders had forgotten to appreciate long ago. It reminded him a little of the reaction Justice had, when he had first been severed from the fade. Suddenly her expression turned concerned.

"Do you think they will be alright?" She asked looking at him.

"Yes. I don't know why, but Hawke has a talent for getting out of scrapes like that." Anders smiled, comforting her fears.

"I was wondering… you seemed a little uncomfortable around Bann Teagan." She noted looking uncertain if it was alright to ask or not.

"I met him once, when I was with the Wardens. I was afraid he might remember me. Fortunately he didn't." Anders sighed.

"You really have no fond memories of the wardens?" Leila asked concerned.

"I do. Many in fact. I was very fond of my first commander, as was Justice. She was the one to recruit me. She wasn't bothered that I was an apostate. She crossed the same templar twice, to keep me out of the circle. She also prevented the circle in Fereldan from being annulled." He replied with fondness.

"Annulled?" She asked.

"It's were the chantry decides that all the mages in a circle are a lost cause and kill all of them." He replied with a grim expression.

"The slaughter them? For fuck sake, what is wrong with these people!" She exclaimed angrily and Anders chuckled.

"Well, I am glad you find me amusing." She grumbled.

"I'm sorry, it's just your passion combined with a language that would make Isabella blush… It's cute." He chuckled.

"Swearing worse that a pirate, is cute? You must have hit your head." She stated shaking her head lightly.

"Well in Ferelden Elissa saved the mages and while with the wardens, I started to hope for the future of mages. I thought she would be able to make a difference for us and I still do. Ironically, since her husband was a former templar." He smiled to comfort her.

"Why would a warden with a templar husband help?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Because she is also the Queen of Ferelden." He replied and smiled at her expression.

"You know the queen?" She asked with disbelief.

"And king. She was a good friend… once." He replied solemnly.

"So if you had hopes for mages, protection from the templars and good friends, what happened to make you leave?"

"Justice. Apparently even the Taint Brigade draws the line at abominations. Elissa doesn't know and I would hate for her to think of both Justice and I, as an abomination." He explained with a pained expression. Leila took his hand and looked at him.

"Poor, tormented, fallen angel. I don't see you as an abomination." She said softly and the sincerity in her expression, made his heart flutter.

"Thank you... Angel… I have heard you use that word before. What does it mean?" He asked.

"In some religions on my world, angels are the purest of us. The live in the realm reserved for the god or gods. Some believe that is what we become, when we die, if we have done enough good deeds to deserve it. There are stories of angels, who disagreed with the decision of the god or gods and they returned to our world." She explained softly and Anders expression turned loving, almost longing. He suddenly felt her hand shivering.

"You are cold." He stated. He took a blanket, moved over next to her and spread the blanket over both of them. For a little while they were quiet. Leila shifted and rested her head against his shoulder, nearly asleep.

"Anders?" She said in a low tired voice.

"Yes?" He asked trying not to look down at her, afraid of what temptations that might offer.

"When you spoke earlier about mages keeping their families… you sounded so passionate… Is that what you want? A family?" She said in a sleepy mumbled voice and Anders couldn't be sure, if she would actually remember this conversation later.

"In the circle it's impossible. The wardens have a difficult time starting a family and now it is not a priority. But I guess a part of me hoped once." He replied in a low voice.

"I wish I could make you happy." She mumbled, before falling asleep.

_"What is she doing to me? Oh, dear Maker! If you have any mercy in your heart, either kill me or give me a way, where she can be mine." _Anders thought to himself looking up at the moon blinking away his tears.

_-OOO- Authors note-OOO-  
The song is "If there's any justice" by Lemar (James Blunt cover version is used), but I changed the lyrics a bit to fit the gender. I normally don't use lyrics in my stories, but this was just so fitting I couldn't help myself. I know these two chapters weren't as createtive, but the next will be. Hope enjoyed it and it didn't make it seem too sweet. Please leave a review._


	20. Chapter 20 Not for myself

Not for myself

The next day Leila woke up in a double bed that was unfamiliar to her. She looked down at herself and realised that she was only dressed in her shirt and underwear. Someone had removed her dress and probably put her to bed. "Anders." She thought to herself and smiled, though a blush formed on her cheeks. He didn't have to do that. He could just have woken her. She sat up in the bed and looked around the room. It was a pleasant room. Not as fancy as the Hawke estate, but clean and the furniture not to worn. She looked at the couch and discovered a pillow and blanket on it. Someone had obviously been sleeping there. Just as she wondered where Anders was, he came through the door.

"Oh, you're awake. I brought breakfast." He smiled and put it on the table, on the other side of the bed.

"Thank you. I could have walked up here myself. You didn't have to carry me." She said sweetly.

"You have been sleeping very poorly, since what happened with Karass. I have been watching you and it is easy for a healer to spot. You finally seemed to be sleeping peacefully. As for your clothes, I hope you don't mind. I was a perfect gentleman, I swear." He smirked.

"I could argue that since you feel a need to defend yourself, before I have made an accusation, it makes you are more likely suspect." She teased and he faked offense.  
"You wound this healer's pride! Besides..." He began leaning over the bed, his eyes smouldering as his pupils dilated. "...if I wanted to see you naked, I wouldn't let you sleep through it." He smirked and Leila pushed his shoulder and looked away with a blush. Anders revelled in the fact that he could make her melt as well, but Justice quickly reminded him, that giving her hope was unjust. Anders sighed and pulled back. Justice was right. He placed the tray between them, on the bed and they began eating.

"So, want to hear about Hawke's newest scheme?" Anders asked, before taking a bit of cheese.

"What has he done now?" Leila asked already annoyed.

"He only ordered one room." He replied rolling his eyes.  
Leila rubbed her face and was about to make a comment about Hawke playing matchmaker, but she decided against it. This was awkward enough as it was. Instead she pulled out their research and began to go through it.

"You do realise, if anyone find out we are behind these, we could be persecuted. We are going against several laws, made by the chantry." Anders said seriously.

"Yes... But more than just our lives and freedom depends on this." She replied sadly and he reached out and stroked her cheek. He shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch and his heart was begging for the moment never to end. But it did and much sooner than the eternity he had hoped for.

-OOO-

They spend the following days sending Anders' manifestoes and Leila's suggestions, to different places in Orlais. To people Anders had come in contact with, through the mage underground. Anders had noticed that Leila seemed a little happier again, but he still felt shaken. He was pretty sure, she didn't recall the last part of their conversation in the carriage. How he wished he didn't either. She wanted to make him happy and that could be achieved so easily, but at what cost? Yet his heart so desperately wanted this happiness and even more to make her happy as well. But it was no use. He wasn't keeping this distance for his sake, but for hers. They had planned on seeing Val Chevin today, but it was raining heavily. Regardless Anders had still been outside, to make sure their efforts weren't fruitless. He was actually beginning to smile, when he thought about the first conversation he had with Leila, about his manifesto. He had been so deeply insulted and confused by her arguments. Looking at her suggestions it was obvious what she meant. It was logical, making statements to the improvements and benefits society would get for including mages fully into it. They were good arguments, but a little lacking in passion for his taste. He honestly didn't know if he admired or disliked her level headed nature. Perhaps it would make people more inclined to listen to her. Anders and Justice both had an impatient nature, so it had been a challenge at first understanding Leila's contemplation. She didn't jump into things like he did and maybe that was for the best. Maker knows that Kirkwall had enough of those people and yet still so many, who refused to take action. Somehow she managed to consider, evaluate and take action. When he arrived back at the inn, he was completely soaked. Anders had tried to get another room, but the place was full. Lying on that couch at night, looking at her sleeping form, did not make his heartache any easier. He walked up to the room and as he opened the door, he regretted it so much. Still he was frozen in place. The window was open, no doubt because she was listening to the rain, while she was stretching her body in the most impossible ways. It was graceful and balanced, but it didn't take much imagination to picture, how this flexibility might be used. She was wearing nothing but her shirt and trousers. It would be so easy to walk over, remove her clothes and capture her lips, before she could even object. Unfortunately one of the exercises made her look towards the door. He blushed and felt like a dirty templar looking into the apprentices' quarters.

"Hey. Why are you standing there? You are completely soaked." She smiled.

"I wanted to make sure I wasn't disturbing you." He replied walking inside closing the door.

"Not at all. Are you cold? Want me to close the window?"

_"Maker, no! It feels as if I am stuck in an inferno!"_ His mind screamed.

"No that's fine." He said removing his wet robes, only leaving on his shirt and trousers. To his regret, and pleasure, she continued.

"May I ask, what are you doing?" He tried to look away and hanging his clothes to dry.

"Yoga. A form of exercise that calms your body and mind." She explained now sitting on the floor with her legs crossed.

"You do this often?" He asked feeling more comfortable as she just sat there.

"I try to. That and meditate." She smiled.

"Are you always this calm and submissive?" He asked sitting on the bed.

"Not at all. I have quite the temper actually. But I need to care for people, for them to upset me. Ironic that I can ignore a comment from someone, who I don't care for, but will chew the head off someone, I do, for the exact same thing." She sighed and Anders swallowed. He and Hawke were the only one in the group she had ever truly scolded.

"Come." She smiled and gestured him to sit down next to her. He did as she asked, though not entirely sure that it was wise.

"What are we doing?" He asked with a smirk.

"Did you have any mental exercises in the circle? I imagine casting spells take a great deal of concentration?"

"It does. We train our focus and our willpower."

"Alright. Sit like I do and close your eyes." She instructed and he smirked raising an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look." She chuckled and he closed his eyes.

"Now, take deep breaths. Clear your mind and focus on your breathing. Imagine that with each breath your lungs gets filled with a white light and each time you release your breath black smoke comes out." She explained and let him take a few deep breaths.

"Good, now focus on your toes and feel them relaxing... then your feet..." She began guiding him through the meditation, focussing on each muscle group at a time and guiding his troubled mind to a place, where it could find a little peace.

Anders awoke some time later and looked at Leila who was sitting on the couch reading a book. She had guided him through several different meditations and he had eventually fallen asleep. It was the most peaceful sleep he had in a long time. Even Justice seemed calmer, a bit drowsy actually. As if he had been using all his energy at once and now had collapsed from exhaustion. He wished he felt like this more often. He was about to say something, but Hawke, Varric and Isabella finally arrived and my, did Varric have a story to tell them.

-OOO-

Finally back in Kirkwall Hawke had invited all of them to the estate, for drinks, cards, stories and a good meal. Hawke was not into the fancy company of Hightown, but he did enjoy being with his friends and family. Hawke had to laugh at the sight, seeing Sebastian and Anders sitting on each side of Leila. Both determined to protect her from the others influence. Hawke wondered if they would ever realise, that no one could influence her mind that easily. Isabella was trying to (with little success) charm Fenris, who was already pouring down his second bottle of redwine. Varric was talking to Aveline and Donnic, which gave Hawke the opportunity to talk to Merill. Sweet loveable Merill, who made his entire being tingle by the mere thought of her.

"It must have been so exiting. Usually, we'd just go on in hitting people! You've never done anything like that before!" Merill said with excitement.

"It was, though I wonder why I keep running into Qunari. Woe is me." Hawke sighed with faked dramatics.

"It's because you help people. Or perhaps the Qunari wants to help you? I always get so confused." Merill mused.

"**Ha**! Maybe they are helping us by allowing us to help them." Hawke chuckled.

"Really? That doesn't make much sense, does it? I wish I could have come though. I would have liked to see a wyvern."

"I would have liked to bring you as well, but shanking and robbing people, are more Isabella and Varric's expertise. Though, it did seem lonely without you." He smiled suggestively.

"Why would you be lonely? You had Isabella, Varric, Anders and Leila." She started summoning up and Leila had to suppress a laugh at Hawke's baffled expression.

"Oh, Kitten!" Isabella smiled shaking her heard.

"What? I missed something didn't I?" Merill replied looking at Leila for answers, but she couldn't reply since Anders and Sebastian were arguing. Leila gave Merill a sweet smile and mouthed "later".

"You've been seeking revenge for the death of one family for as long as I've known you. Are you honestly judging me for trying to save the lives of every mage in Thedas?" Anders accused.

"The mages are not threatened. I don't understand, why you insist on perusing this." Sebastian replied.

"Revenge? What are you talking about?" Leila asked confused.

"When we met Sebastian, he hired us to hunt down a mercenary company." Anders explained.

"You paid other people to kill on your behalf?" Leila asked with a frown.

"Yes. They murdered my family and I sought justice." Sebastian argued.

"I am getting so tired of that word." Leila sighed leaning back into her chair rubbing her face.

"You don't approve of justice?" Anders asked raising an eyebrow.

"I do, but it seems that it has been twisted and turned by people to suit their purpose. It is as difficult to navigate through as religion. As if we have forgotten, what the intension was to begin with." Leila replied.

"So you would have had me do nothing?" Sebastian asked a little heated.

"Of course not, but what if one day one of those mercenaries' children comes after you? From your perspective he will be just as justified as you were. It spirals out of control and won't stop until someone shows mercy." Leila argued.

"And here I thought you truly wanted justice." Anders said with slight resentment.

"For others, certainly. For myself, I'd rather show mercy than receive justice. If this is the only way to bring justice, then please don't seek it on my behalf. I don't want it." Leila said softly, almost kindly, before getting up and walking into the kitchen, leaving Anders and Sebastian confused.

"She is puzzling, isn't she?" Sebastian questioned.

"Very. How do you even respond to that?" Anders replied and Justice unable to comprehend why no one would want justice. Unless they had given into sloth of course.

"You don't. She ended the conversation, fellows. She would make a nasty Politian." Varric replied with a grin.

Hawke followed Leila into the kitchen, who was talking to Leandra, while preparing the dessert. It had become something they enjoyed doing together, baking. First it had been because Leila had been unfamiliar with how to use the stove. Now they would chat and gossip, while baking, like mother and daughter. Hawke jumped up to sit on the table and grabbed a piece of pie.

"Garret! That's for your **guests**!" Leandra scolded.

"I'm hungry!" Hawke muffled with objection, spewing out crumbs.

"Give me that." Leila smiled and removed the pie away from the table.

"So, pie. Anders will be pleased. It's his favourite." Hawke smirked, but was surprised by Leila's casual expression.

"It is? It was Leandra's suggestion." Leila replied.

"Aaaahh, that makes sense. Mother always was smitten with him." Hawke chuckled.

"Yes, alright. Now get down from the table." Leandra shooed with a small blush on her cheeks.

"After your failed attempt to seduce Merill, perhaps you should tread lightly." Leila replied with a grin.

"You're a wicked woman! Why do you two always have to stick up for each other?" Hawke grumbled.

"The elf? Oh, she is sweet, if a little odd." Leandra agreed and an actual blush formed on Garret's face.

"Can we change the subject please?" Hawke grumbled.

"Can't be easy, falling for a woman, who doesn't swoon at your suggestive remarks. That means you will have to be **honest**!" Leila faked gasping, before chuckling.

"Heeeey! What did I do to deserve this torment?" Hawke exclaimed.

"Château Hayne." Leila remarked with a glare and Hawke chuckled.

"Oh, that was **fun**! I will **never** forget the look on you or Anders' faces!" Hawke laughed.  
Leila threw an apple at his head, which he caught before fleeing the room. Running out the door he bumped into Merill, only just managing to catch her, before he had completely pushed her over.

"Goodness Hawke, are you alright?" She asked concerned.

"I just stumbled into the prettiest girl in Kirkwall, I am more than alright." He replied with a suggestive smirk, still holding her close against him.

"I'm not the prettiest... Are we close to a fire? It's very warm in here." Merill replied with a flustered expression.

"Merill, will you give me a hand?" Leila called.

"Be right there! I'll better get going." She said shyly with a blush that turned her almost scarlet.

She left his arms carefully and Hawke cursed himself. He needed to find away to make her get passed this shyness, if he was ever to have a chance of being with her. The sweetest girl in Kirkwall, herself a mage and he had known her for years. It wasn't supposed to be this **hard**!


	21. Chapter 21 Defying the Maker

Defying the Maker

It had been two weeks since they had returned from Orlais. Leila was walking through Lowtown with Sebastian, who had insisted accompanying her to Merill's place. He was almost afraid of her being corrupted as Fenris. He was still trying to convince her to join the Andrastian religion, but Leila politely refused.

"You will see the light. I am sure of it and then you will find peace, as I did." He said fondly.

"You are sweet Sebastian, but I was never religious. By most standards I was forsaken long ago and I am not sure anything or anyone can save me. Please, use your well meant efforts on those you truly need the guidance of the Maker, instead of wasting your valuable time on me." She smiled kindly.

"You are already much more of an Andrastian, than you realise." He smiled obviously not giving up so easily.

"I... what is going on over there?" Leila asked looking at a crowd gathering in the middle of Lowtown.

"We better turn around." Sebastian said immediately and took her arm gently.

"No, I want to know." She said walking through the crowd.  
Walking through it, she saw a podium build out of wood and a pole in the middle of it. Seeing the rope she realised what it was. It was a noose and her blood turned cold. The people gathered were almost exited, but she had never felt more uneasy in her life. She saw the templars escorting an older woman, who was crying, up onto the podium. One of the templars, a man with blond hair and a beard around his mouth, started to read the charges.

"For harbouring an apostate and helping in this apostate to escape the circle, you are hereby sentenced to death, by orders of Knight-commander Meredith. May the Maker have mercy on your soul." He said loud and stepped back.  
Sebastian grabbed Leila's arm, as she stepped forward.

"Leila don't! This is the law and the will of the Maker. It is in his hands." Sebastian said in a low voice, but Leila gave him a deadly glare and wiggled free.

"I only fed my daughter. She had been beaten and needed somewhere to stay. Please, show mercy." The old woman begged as the put the noose around her neck.

"**Let her go!**" Leila cried through the crowed pushing herself forward. Her cry barely heard from the excitement of the crowd.

"**Let. Her. Go!**" Leila screamed now right in front of the podium.

"She has supported a malificar! She deserves this!" One of the templars growled.

"You wear the sword of mercy, as a symbol on your chest. It is supposed to be a symbol of what the order stands for. **Please **heed it now!" Leila begged and the blonde man looked directly into her eyes, completely astonished.

"**You filthy little robe lover!**" One of the templar roared and with his iron gloved fist hit Leila on the right side of her face, sending her to the ground. The glove made a cut on her face and she could taste blood in her mouth, though she hardly felt the pain because of the anger she felt. He was about to hit again, when the blonde templar stopped him.

"That is quite enough." He said calmly. Sebastian walked up behind Leila and helped her up.

"I am sorry, knight-captain. My friend is very spirited." Sebastian apologized and Leila gave him a furious glare, but was too dumbfounded to speak.

"Not at all. I am sorry young lady, but we must abide by the chantry's rules." Cullen replied apologetic.

Sebastian was about to say something to Leila, when she wiggled free of his grasp and ran through the crowd. As she ran, she could hear the crowd cheering and she knew that old lady had died. She hated this world. She hated how cold and heartless it was and the racism send her rage boiling out of control. She hated the filth spouted by chantry priests and templars, who had twisted the words of a noble woman to their own means. She ran through Lowtown towards Darktown, to the only person she wanted to see. The only one who was truly compassionate and kind. The only one who seemed to understand her. She ran through the doors of the clinic and straight toward Anders, throwing her arms around his waist and burrowing her face in his chest.

"Leila, what happened?" He asked with widened eyes, as he put down the salve he had been making.

As she was trembling from anger and unable to speak a word, he wrapped his arms around her. He held her tight and despite Justice's objections, kissed her hair. Sebastian came running into the clinic a few minutes later.

"Thank the Maker, there you are!" He exclaimed, but his face turned grim, as he saw her in Anders' embrace. At the sound of his voice, she let go of Anders and gave Sebastian a cold deadly glare.

"I don't want to talk to you, you bloody hypocrite!" She growled and Anders noticed the damage on her face.

"Maker, Leila what happened? **What did you do to her?**" Anders growled with a little of Justice's voice echoing in it, while looking at Sebastian.

"I did nothing!" He replied astounded, that anyone could assume he would do such a thing.

"Nothing is just right! You did **nothing**, when they hanged that poor woman! You did **nothing**, when a templar hit me! You preach mercy and forgiveness, but show none of it! Damn your chantry and that hypocritical order of templars!" Leila growled and understanding dawned of Anders, who was now seriously struggling to keep Justice under control.

"You are upset. Everything that happens is the will of the Maker and serves a larger purpose, we simply do not comprehend yet." Sebastian said softly, but anger flared in Leila's eyes.

"Alright Maker, listen up! If you are unable to show mercy to those who need it! If it is more important to you that people have faith, than whether their actions are good or bad, then by all means send me to the void! I want nothing of your glory, if you have no compassion and understanding for those shunned by this world! And when I am in this void of yours, I will defy you once more, by **relishing**every moment I am in it!" Leila yelled on top of her lungs, looking up, as her voice made its way through Darktown. Both Anders and Sebastian looked at her with complete disbelief.

"Leila..." Anders said softly with concern and shock, looking at her.

"That's **blasphemy**!" Sebastian gasped.

"I don't care what you call it! This must have been shocking indeed, since I managed to even offend the possessed apostate." Leila laughed bitterly.

"Don't you care about your soul?" Sebastian asked dumbfounded.

"Do you know why I am not afraid? Why I do not fear your Maker? Why I am not afraid of death? Because I meant every word I said." She said firmly.

"You better leave Sebastian." Anders said calmly, but firmly and Sebastian left without another word.

Anders walked towards her and lifted her onto the table to sit. He let his hand glow with healing and let it caress her cheek. He could feel Justice upset by the injustice and even more about what had happened to Leila. She was a distraction, but she was **his** distraction and no one was allowed to harm her.

"You shouldn't have said those things." He said, softly stroking her cheek as he continued to heal her.

"I never believed. Saying out loud what is hidden in my heart, should not make a difference to a deity." She replied.

"I am not very devout myself, but I cannot bear the thought of you being in the void for eternity." He said with loving concern.

"If he is as merciful as they say, I won't. And if he isn't, at least I'll end up in the same place as you. I don't want to be a place, where you are not welcome." She replied looking into his eyes.

Her heart was beating fast at this admission, as she finally admitted to herself, that this was much more than just a crush. He was the only one, who she could talk to, who understood. The only one who truly listened and the only one who gave her hope, when she had none. At this moment she realised, that she would not have been able to go through these many months without him. That it was his company, which made her miss her home less. He alone could make her want not to go back. She found herself wondering, if she would have given into despair if it weren't for him. If she would have just ended it all and freed herself from the never ending trials and heartbreak, which life demanded as payment? He looked at her softly and was breathing heavily as his pupils became dilated.

"You shouldn't say such things. Regardless of Justice, I am still a man. You can't tease me like this and expect me to resist forever. You don't want this." He said softly, with an almost painful expression as he took a few steps backwards.  
She jumped of the table and looked at him.

"Do you know what I want? I want to be by your side and help people as you do. I want to make those sad eyes of yours smile. I want to kiss every scar the templars have given you, until you look at them and remember nothing of the pain, but only my lips touching them." She replied with heavy breathing and her body trembling.

Anders launched forward, holding her face in his hands, as he captured her lips in a heated, desperate and passionate kiss. She instantly wrapped her arms around him and felt her blood rushing through her veins, with almost unbearable speed. He kissed her soft lips feverishly, as he felt her body melt into him. His heart was beating in a triumphant rhythm and Justice's warnings were drowned by it. He moaned, when her tongue gained entry into his mouth and his own eagerly caressed hers. He felt her knees go weak, as she was holding onto him for support. He wrapped one arm around her waist and tucked the other into her hair, releasing it from its bondage. The soft long waves fell down and his hand enjoyed the feeling of it. She tasted so sweet and the ache in his body was replaced by a surge of electricity, which accompanied the feeling of happiness. He had completely forgotten what that felt like. When he finally pulled away, they were both breathing heavily.

"I thought with Justice, this part of me was over. I can't give you a normal life. If you are with me we will be hunted, hated. The whole world will be against us." He said seriously with a touch of desperation, giving her a chance to realise her mistake.

"I know what this means, Anders. I know that being with you means risking everything. I know that being with you, will mean living in places like this or in a ditch somewhere, always on the run. I am not blind and I am not deluded. You are fighting the templars on a daily basis, defying them. I will not be scared or threatened into submission, by **anyone**. I will not give them the power to dictate who I can be with." She replied seriously.

He captured her lips again. For almost a year he had longed for her. And now she was finally in their embrace returning their affections. He let his hands slide up her back pressing her into him. Even through his robes and her corset, he could feel the heat coming from her. She melted into him, her warmth comforting and soothing. It had been more than three years since he had been this close to another and he had forgotten the mere pleasure of it. But this was so much more than that. This was not just a physical closeness. The last time he had been held by someone he truly loved, was when he was torn from his mother's embrace by templars. That was fifteen years ago. He didn't realise the silent tears that had fallen from his eyes, before he tasted them on her lips. She noticed it too and pulled away and looked up at him with concern. When he gave a low chuckle her expression changed into a sweet smile and stroked the tears from his cheeks.

"You should go home. If your..." Anders began, but she silenced him with a kiss.

"No. I am not going anywhere." She replied and rested her head on his chest her arms wrapped around his waist. Then Anders remembered, the reason she had come here in the first place. He took her chin and made her look at him. The cut and bruise on her cheek were healed and left in its stead only a slight redness. He kissed the spot softly and could feel Justice's anger. He was angry at the damage the templars had already caused her and the spirit feared that more would befall her, if they continued on this path.

_"Anders, tell her to leave. Push away your obsession. Our efforts to help the mages will be impaired and distracted, by our desire to protect her. We will only cause her more suffering. Please. For her sake at least."_The spirit pleaded in his mind. At the sound of Justice's words, Anders' expression turned sad.

"What is it?" She asked softly.

"We shouldn't do this. There will be more violence I know that and the thought of them hurting you... Everything I have done to control this... I don't care. I..." He replied with desperation trying to pull away, but she kissed him, before she placed her hands on his cheeks and made him look at her.

"Sweet Anders, listen to me. I will speak against the suppression of the chantry, if I am with you or not. I will speak on behalf of the elves, the refugees and the mages regardless. It is a path **I**chose and you cannot save me from it. I know that all of this might end in a violent conflict, but I am going to do my outmost to try and find a peaceful solution. I know that is what you want as well. That is why you are hurting so, because you feel forced to take actions that you'd rather not. Like I did with Karass." She explained softly with a kind expression and in an instant his hesitation seemed to dissipate. How could he believe that he would be able to go on without her?

"This will be a disaster, but I can't live without it." He breathed with a smile and happiness in his eyes, as he looked down at her.

"Neither can I." She replied more seriously than intended.  
He gave her a small kiss.

"Wait here. I'll be right back." He said softly kissing her nose and walked away. He blew out the candle in the lantern and locked the clinic doors. He then walked back, took her hand and let her to the fire and placed her in his lap, with his arms wrapped around her.


	22. Chapter 22 For myself alone

For myself alone

They just sat there in front of the fire in his clinic. Wrapped in each other's arms taking comfort from each other. Despite their happiness, what had happened earlier had not been pushed aside. Leila had faced one of the most horrific things in her life and Anders was only too familiar with the guilt of having to stand by, while someone else was suffering. Leila was sitting on his lap, embraced in his arms and looking into the fire. She closed her eyes leaning into him, tucking her head against him under his chin and he squeezed her a little. She took a breath and sighed, as her fingers were playing with the feathers on his shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

"I am angry and frustrated and at the same time so blissfully happy... If that makes any sense." She sighed.

"It does. Not to anyone else perhaps, but it does to me." He replied and kissed her temple.

"When I was in the circle love was just a game. It gave the templars to much power, if there was something you couldn't stand to lose... It would kill me to lose you." He said in a low voice having a hard time controlling his emotions. She placed her hand on his cheek.

"Sshhh... I'm here and I'm not leaving you." She said soothingly. In reality she wanted to tell him that he was never going to lose her, but she knew, as well as he did, that would be impossible to promise. That was painfully obvious from what she saw earlier. He smiled softly at her and his hands began to glow faint blue, giving off comfortable, soothing warmth.

"No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. This is the rule I will most cherish breaking." He smiled kissing her, his glowing hand stroking her cheek fondly. The kisses were soft, lingering and intimate, but even so it managed to make them both pant a little. He began to chuckle faintly pulling away.

"You know, Justice doesn't approve of my obsession with you. He believes you are a distraction. It is one of the few things were we disagree." He told her with an apologetic smile.

"I know." She smiled.

"You know?" Anders asked unable to hide his surprise.

"Yes, he told me." She replied calmly.

"**He told you?!** When?" His eyes widened and he was unable to close his mouth completely.

"When you were infected by the poison, you lost your mind. Justice was able to be in control, without being affected by it... mentally anyway."

"Did he hurt you?" He asked with concern.

"Not at all. Can't you remember any of it?" She asked looking up at him and he pinched the bridge of his nose for a few moments, concentrating.

"Some of it... he said we could not afford to give into our feelings... wait... you **kissed** him?!" He asked with disbelief looking down at her.

"Technically it was you both. It was meant as a distraction." She shrugged with a smile.

"I'll give you a distraction!" He growled playfully and kissed her deeply. She chuckled, as her hand went to the back of his neck and ran her fingers through the longish hair. As he kissed her, his hand ran up her thigh, hip, waist, upper back and down again. She moaned, as his tongue gently encourage her mouth to open. He took his time gently exploring her and savouring the taste that he had longed for. He had been on the run for fifteen years and hadn't dared to stop. On the run from attachments and his emotions, as much as the templars. This was the first time he allowed himself to pause and finally engaging in something that had meaning. Except for the cause of mages. As his hand reached the top of her shoulder, it diverted its journey and ran down the front of her neck, down her collarbone, caressing her breast, down her stomach. When he reached her abdomen he gently pushed his hand in under her shirt and corset, as far as it would allow, and she gasped into his mouth from the tingling sensation. His hands were confident, but on the inside he was trembling. His mind, heart and body needed to adjust, to the combination of physical pleasure and emotional attraction. When he pulled away, he had a smile on his face and looking down into her adoring eyes, it grew even wider.

"I can't believe you kissed Justice first." He said with somewhat faked disappointment.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I know of something else you can try first." She purred, with a bright smile, as her cheeks blushed and her hands travelled from his neck down his chest. Anders looked at her, his eyes burning with desire and breathing heavily, as a charming smirk formed on his lips. In one swift movement he lifted her up and carried her.

"So not that I'm not enjoying the ride, but where are you taking me?" She said casually, but with a mischievous glimpse in her eye.

"I thought I'd make you acquainted with the bed, you made sure I got." He smirked pushing away the curtain separating his bedroom from the clinic.

The bedroom was small, completely dark and no natural light had the ability to enter except from the door. The bed only just fit and was pressed up against the wall from three sides, only leaving one of the sides approachable. The headboard was turned away from the door, allowing you to look into the clinic from the bed, when the curtain was pulled to one side. Anders had moved his desk close to the bedroom, so you could see it from there. Undoubtedly, so he would be able to remove anything incriminating quickly, should the templars show up. Across from the bed was a worn armoire. He placed her down on the bed and lit the oil lamp with his hand.

"You know, no one should be stuck in the dark ages without having a mage around." She smiled fondly.

He straddled her, holding her face in his palms and kissed her deeply, as she held her hands at his waist. She felt her heart swell and a tingling sensation filled her body. She wrapped her arms around him and let herself fall slowly back on the bed pulling him with her. He then realised that his hands were glowing. He pulled away slightly and looked down at her.

"You need to know, it's been awhile..." He began.

"For me as well. Don't worry." She smiled and began kissing his neck.

"That's not what I meant... only anyway. I haven't done this with anyone since Justice. I don't know what will happen." He said seriously.

"Oh, what happens when you... pleasure yourself?" She smiled sheepishly and he swallowed as the memories of him being in this bed, thinking about how he would pleasure her, flooded his mind.

"Well, normally nothing happens. But there have been... incidents, when my emotions were strong, where we were both present at once... He is not in control, but I can feel him. Or rather I feel empowered. It's difficult to explain." He tried, terrified that she would at any moment push him off her and run away.

"Alright, we can take it slowly and you can stop it if it gets too much for you." She smiled sweetly and pulled him down for a kiss. He released a sigh of relief and a chuckle against her lips.

"So, exactly what were you thinking about during these incidents?" She smiled against his lips.

"Do you have to ask? After the torture do put me through at the keep? I had to cast a frostspell in order to walk straight!" He replied looking at her with an accusing smirk.

"Really?" She widened her eyes with disbelief and a doubtful smile on her face.

"Yes! Maker! I can't stop thinking about you. Since I met you you've haunted my sleep. I wake aching for you. How can you not know, what you have been doing to me?" He exclaimed with a chuckled and for a moment left her speechless.

"Then I'll have to kiss you and make it better." She said in a sultry voice, as her hands travelled up the insides of his thighs. He gave a low moan and closed his eyes, when she finally touched his ache. He captured her lips in a passionate kiss and his hands began moving over her body, in an almost frantic pace. Her hands moved to his hair and released it from the leather band. As her fingers moved through his hair, she lifted her hips from time to time, making him moan into her mouth. His hands began open her corset, as he kissed his way down her jaw and neck. She gasped, as he reached a particular sensitive spot and began opening the buckles of his robe.

"Damn it Anders! Your clothes are more chaste than Sebastian's!" She teased with frustration.

"Obviously. I don't wear the Makers bride between my legs. Speaking of which, it's not like this corset grants any easier access. You walk around in this thing, showing off your gorgeous body and then it's more difficult to get out of than the circle. You really **are** a tease!" He replied with a smirk sitting up undoing the last of the lazes and she chuckled.

She sat up and pushed his pouldrons and tunic of him, in one go.

"So we are just going to remain naked from now on?" She suggested between kisses

When his robes landed on the floor she pushed his shirt over his head. He was muscular, but not overly so. What she did notice first were all the scars. All the hurt that had been inflicted on this man's body and soul made her heart ache. Keeping her promise she started to kiss each one and letting her tongue tease them, as her hand caressed his arousal.

"I can see the appeal." He chuckled and gave a gasp at she touched him.

"You haven't seen anything yet." She teased seductively, her eyes burning with mischief and desire.

He took her head between his hands again and with a bruising kiss pushed her down onto the bed.

"I can change that." He smirked.

Still straddling her, he removed her corset and opened the shirt. He kissed her hip and abdomen, nibbling and caressing the skin with his tongue. Her skin was so soft and she had a sent that was a mixture of apple blossoms and a hint of anis. A curious combination, that came from the oils she used, but it made his head spin and he loved it. His hands began to involuntarily glow again and as they roamed her body it gave a tingling sensation. Between that and the teasing of his tongue, her breath had turned into short gasps. He kissed his way up and pushed the shirt away revealing her breasts. He kissed and teased one breast at a time. His hand giving of a prickling sensation over one nipple, as he tongue played with the other. She gasped and pressed her hips against his, while her hands began opening his trousers. He began kissing her lips again, while his hands began opening hers as well. She pushed his trousers and briefs off at once, as far as she could reach, while her feet pushed of his boots. She then placed her foot on his trousers and pushed them of the rest of the way.

"Are you in a hurry?" He chuckled.

"Nope, just incredible lazy." She teased and kissed him passionately.

He pushed of her and stood up dragging off her boots, trousers and underwear. He looked at her for a moment studying the body he had dreamed of, for what seemed an eternity. The soft pale skin, her feminine slim muscles, her round hips and thighs. The soft breast, that felt as if the melted into his hands. Hers was a body untouched by the hardship of Thedas. It had been shielded and protected, like any body of a nobility. A perfectly guarded shrine, which he had been allowed access to.

"Maker, you are beautiful!" He breathed.

She smiled brightly and took him by the shoulders, pulling him back unto the bed and gave him a heated kiss. His hand travelled down her abdomen and lower, using is fingers to touch both her pleasure points at once.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered against her ear.

"Yes." She panted, as his fingers moved.

He let a little electricity dance over his fingers and her back arched immediately. Faster than even he realised, she reached her breaking point and moaned his name. She reached down with her hand and guided him towards her entrance. They gasped in unison, when he entered her and he began moving inside her. He began panting heavily, as she kept contracting and releasing her inner muscles on purpose. He moaned, she gasped, he groaned, she whimpered, he trusted, she arched. As this dance of limbs intensified, Anders' skin began to glow light blue over his entire body. He could feel his heart overflowing with emotions, which intertwined with the physical pleasure. His touch tingled on her skin, as if a small current of heat and electricity went over her. Every nerve reacted, contracting and releasing ever so often. No more so than where their bodies were joined. She wrapped her legs around his waist, as her hands grabbed hold of the covers, while arching her back. He managed to capture her cry of pleasure with his mouth, taking true enjoyment in the humming sensation, which passed from her to him. As he was nearing his own end the glow became brighter, making the dark room light up. Leila was in awe of how beautiful it was and how his skin felt, as the current tickled her skin. He rested his forehead against hers, as he cried out her name, finally collapsing in her embrace. Still on top of her and panting heavily he could feel himself smiling. He had probably smiled more the past two hours, than he had during the entire year.

"**That's** why they lock up mages! The other men and women were afraid they couldn't compete with this. Sad that society is so easily influenced by sex." She said jokingly, as if she had finally come to a brilliant conclusion and Anders chuckled.

"It's hardly fair to compare my prowess even to that of another mage." He smirked.

"And it would seem my lover is the most humble man in Thedas." She remarked sarcastically with a grin.

"You were wonderful." He breathed against her neck kissing the tender spot. She blushed awfully and hid her face in her hands, with a huge smile on her face.

"It would seem you have enough humility for both of us." Anders chuckled lifting the covers and making her join him under them. Resting her head and hand on his chest, she took comfort in the sound of his heartbeat and the warmth coming from him. She hadn't realised it, but she had actually felt cold in a sense, for a longer time than she cared to remember. He let his fingers run through her long slightly curled hair. It looked like waves and was just a smooth to the touch. The once red colour had faded and her hair had turned light brow. He preferred it this way, as the nuances of it made the sunlight reflect on it. He wondered what had made her dye it in the first place. She noticed he kept looking at her.

"What's on your mind?" She asked in a low voice.

"I'm just making sure this is real. I have lain awake aching for you for so long, I'm terrified I'm going to wake up." He smiled and she smiled brightly, before kissing him deeply. She rested her head against his chest again and her hand found the amulet around his neck.

"This is Tevinter in origin, isn't it?" She asked as she studied it.

"Yes, it was a gift from Hawke. One of the many things that might get me hanged." He sighed.

"Hanged? Over a piece of jewlery? Well, I'm glad the chantry isn't overreacting." She remarked sarcastically.

"It's a symbol of the black divine. A symbol of everything this chantry is against." He explained.

"Like free mages and blood magic." Leila said with understanding.

"Yes... If only the mages here would stop turning to bloodmagic. When they do, they become their own worst enemy. Like Merrill and that damned mirror." He grumbled.

"You are too hard on Merrill." She said with a sigh.

"You can't be serious?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"I am. Very much so. I heard you scolding her the other day." She said seriously, resting her chest on his, looking down at him.

"Did you know she actually sought out a demon, before she had even begun to practise bloodmagic?" He argued.

"Yes, she told me." Leila sighed with a heavy heart.

"I hope that Hawke and Merrill haven't convinced you it is harmless?" He said seriously looking at her with a stern expression.

"Of course not. I am not a fool, who just listens blindly to people because I like them. All I am saying is that your scolding isn't helping. It might be making her feel even more alone. What if she gets so lonely she starts taking comfort in a demon?" She said seriously.

"I am trying to save her from her own ignorance. I don't want to see her become an abomination any more than you do." He replied with determination.

"I know you are, but people tend not to listen when you scold them, love." She said softly, while running her fingers through his hair and this calmed him a little.

"I can't believe you are scolding me, right after sex." He said with offense, smirking and quirking an eyebrow.

"What? You'd rather I did it before? Or perhaps during?" She purred making a catlike sound, which made Anders laugh.

"I love you... I have been holding back from saying that. You should have a normal life, not be tied down with a fugitive with no future. But I don't ever want to leave you." He admitted stroking her cheek.

"I love you too and I'll stay for as long as you'll have me." She replied and gave him a small kiss.

"Do you mean that? Would you tell the world, the knight-commander, that you are love an apostate and will stand beside him?" He replied smiling, looking at her with more hope than she had ever seen before.

"I just defied the Maker today, remember? Admitting, to an angry woman in a metal suit, that I love you, would be considered a small matter in comparison. I could shout it from the top of Sundermount or I could storm Meredith's office. Whatever, you prefer. Not sure it would be wise though." She smiled stroking his cheek, throat and chest. To her regret Anders' expression turned serious again.

"You are right. We should keep this to ourselves as much as possible." He replied.

"Why?" She asked lifting herself slightly of him, looking at him.

"Because I cannot protect you as Hawke can. He as a title and money and I have nothing. As long as you are nothing, but his cousin, he can keep you safe. But if the templars gets wind of us, they will not hesitate to use you to get to me." He replied sadly.

"Like they did with Karl." She replied with understanding.

"Yes." He replied, his voice full of sorrow.  
Leila leaned over him and began kissing him deeply, as his hands roamed up at down her back. Suddenly she pushed of him and sat up reaching for her clothes.

"Shit!" She hissed and started to sort out her clothes.

"What's the matter?" He asked wondering what had gotten into her.

"Garret and Leandra doesn't know where I am. They will be worried. And God, Merrill! I was supposed to have been at her place hours ago. She must be worried sick!" She replied trying to put her shirt on, but Anders stopped her, by wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Stay. I'll get one of the refugee's to run to Hightown and to Merrill's, with a message saying you are here and safe." He said I a comforting voice kissing her neck. She leaned into him giving a contented sigh.

"Unless you miss Hightowns fancy walls." He teased against her neck.

"How can I miss it, when you are down here?" She said earnestly looking up at him and his expression turned into one of adoration.

"I'll better send that note." He kissed her cheek, before standing up and walking to his desk.

"I still can't fathom how you can write so quickly with those quills. They are a pain in the ass. They break constantly and I get ink all over my wrists. It took weeks to get  
off." She grumbled lying on her stomach on the bed watching him.

"What do you use, if you don't have quills?" He quirked an eyebrow, looking at her.

"I'll show you, when you get back in bed." She winked, as she reached into her bag and picked up a pen and he chuckled.

"As if I needed more encouragement, when a naked woman is already in it." He smiled, as he put on his trousers and shirt. Leila reached into her bag again and pulled out her purse and threw it to him.

"Here. Give the refugee boys some of it." Leila smiled.

"Andraste's flaming knickers! How did you get all this coin? Did Hawke drop it somewhere?" He chuckled.

"Nope, prints of naked women pay well. I have been considering expanding the franchise to naked men. If only I could find a model somewhere." She mused with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes and Anders chuckled.

"Sweetheart, you can use me as much as you want, but no one but you may see them." He smiled.

"Since when did you get so touchy? According to Isabella there was a time, where your looks were not as guarded a secret." She teased, but as his smile turned less happy, she regretted it. He walked over and gave her a kiss.

"I'm a different man now. For once I actually love the person sharing my bed and I would like to keep it to myself. Be right back." He said softly and gave her another kiss.


	23. Chapter 23 Griffons

Griffons

When Anders awoke the next morning his cheeks still felt sore from smiling. Indulging his warden stamina in Leila's embrace last night, as he kept giving and receiving promises of love, had made him incapable of doing anything but smile. He turned to reach for her, but found that she was sitting up in bed, biting her lip and deep in thought. She looked concerned. His heart was already terrified, that she regretted it. It would shatter if she turned away from him now. He wrapped his arm around her waist and she managed to give him a sincere smile, which calmed his fears a little.

"Good morning love." He smiled as he sat up and gave her a kiss, feeling more at ease when she returned it.

"Good morning." She said sweetly against his lips, while stroking his cheek.

"What is the matter?" He asked looking into her concerned eyes.

"I just realised we forgot something important last night. We didn't... I haven't... since arriving here... I felt embarrassed to talk to someone about it... I didn't think..." She tried struggling to find the right words.

"Sweetheart, you are making no sense. Please just tell me." He said softly.

"What if I become pregnant?" She asked carefully, looking at him afraid that he would be freaked out.

"Oh... Well normally there are herbs you can take. They usually prevent it, but there is always a small risk with such things. But there is no need for you to bother, as long as you are with me." He explained stroking her arm.

"Why?" She asked and his face turned sad.

"The chance of a warden conceiving is as low, as when you take the herbs." He said sadly and she nodded with understanding, before giving him a kiss.

She reached for her clothes and started getting dressed. He sat up behind her and kissed her shoulder, which had an orchid tattoo. He had realised she had it last night, but hadn't mentioned it.

"Have I ever told you that I find tattoos on women incredibly attractive?" He said in a low suggestive voice kissing it and she giggled.

"It's a panamint orchid. I got it after my mother died. It was her favourite. It was her nickname for me... Orchid, not panamint. She said it suited me, because it was as rare and beautiful as I was. Nothing can compare to the blindness of a mother's love." She explained, before giving a low chuckle.

"I think you are the one who is blind, because you are both, love." He said fondly kissing her neck. She smiled and rested her head against his.

"You miss her." He stated rubbing her back.

"Yes... In two weeks it will be a year since she died." She replied with a sigh and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Were you happy? Before you left your world?" He asked softly.

"I was... alright, but this is the first time I have felt happy in years." She smiled giving him a kiss.

"So you won't be angry with me, if I praise even Hawke's idiocy for bringing you here?" He said, as he gave her a crocked smile.

"No, but don't tell him. His ego is large enough as it is." She smiled and Anders chuckled in agreement.

-OOO-

Hawke, Varric and Aveline were making their way through Lowtown and heading towards Darktown, with Ebony following them, eager to see his mistress. Aveline was studying the leaflet Hawke had pulled from the chanter's board.

"I don't like this, Hawke. This is sketchy on details at best." Aveline objected handing him back the note.

"Come on, that's part of the fun. You have been complaining yourself, that mercenaries and assassin guilds have been troublesome lately. This way we do something about it, get an adventure and paid. Aaah, coin! Is there any sweeter sound in the world?" Hawke chuckled.

"Varric, you talk some sense into him. He is going to get himself killed some day." Aveline remarked.

"Me? Are you kidding? I don't get good stories from people getting cautious." Varric objected.

"I'll agree to that." Hawke smirked.

"Just see where my latest romance took me. Absolutely nowhere!" Varric grumbled.

"What romance?" Aveline quirked an eyebrow.

"Romantic apostate meets a lost princess from another world. You connect the dots." Hawke replied.

"What has been going on with those two? And I thought I was bad at it." Aveline chuckled.

"She thinks too much and he worries too much. Too bad Anders doesn't get drunk, bet that would solve it!" Hawke chuckled, at the idea of a drunken Anders, as they were now walking through Darktown.

"Where is lady Sunshine today?" Varric asked.

"Apparently she had a disagreement with Sebastian yesterday and stayed with Anders. Guess she thought the prince would not pursue her in the sewers." Hawke replied casually. What he failed to mention was that Sebastian had been by that morning, looking for her.

"Ehm, Hawke are you sure we want to disturb Blondie? We might interrupt something." Varric asked, as they approached the clinic doors.

"Trust me Varric. I have spent the past few months trying to make them see reason. There is a better chance of finding a whole nest of griffons in there." Hawke replied.

"Want to bet? Shall we say... fifty silvers?" Varric suggested.

"On Anders and Leila? I'm in." Aveline stated.

"Aaaw, I knew you were a romantic Aveline." Varric smirked.

"You are going to regret this dwarf." Hawke chuckled sealing the bet with a handshake. He pushed the door open and Anders was tending to a patient, while Leila was sorting out some salves and potions.

"Tadaa! No griffons! You both owe me fifty silvers." Hawke grinned and the others grumbled and paid up.

They walked over to Anders as his patient left. He seemed a lot more cheerful than he usually did. It was nice to see for a change. Leila smiled brightly as she was greeted by Ebony.

"Hello Hawke. Is there something you need?" Anders smiled.

"Going to track down some assassins, could use a healer." Hawke replied handing him the note.

"Alright. I'll get my staff and we can go." Anders replied and walked towards the back, as Leila walked over to them. Varric scowled at Leila.

"Is something bothering you, Varric?" Leila asked with a smile.

"You're a bad for business you know. Soon Hawke will rob me of my suite in the Hanged Man." Varric replied.

"What did you bet on this time?" Leila sighed.

"That's a trade secret, dear cousin." Hawke smirked.

"Alright, I'm ready. Where to now?" Anders said as he came back.

"The harbour. If any outside assassins has come to Kirkwall, they would have come through there." Aveline suggested.

"Then I can walk with you part of the way. I am going to visit Merrill." Leila smiled.

They started through Darktown towards Lowtown. Leila and Anders did their best not to show, what had happened between them. Their friends could know of course, but after the prodding in Orlais, they would rather not suffer more right away. Leila walked next to Hawke, but had a hard time not smiling, when Anders suddenly started to whistle. That happened so rarely, that even Aveline couldn't help but smile.

"So, I never expected to be palling around with the captain of the guard." Anders began.

"We're not "pals."" Aveline stated.

"We're not? What about that time we painted each other's toenails?" Anders replied. Hawke and Leila gave each other a glance, before having to laugh at the imagery.

"Do you want something?" Aveline grumbled, giving a somewhat disapproving glare to Hawke and Leila.

"Love, life, and liberty. What more does a man need?" He replied giving Leila a stolen glance, which made her heart, beat faster.

"You're in a jolly mood." Aveline said surprised.

"Well, when you're here, I know you're not leading men into Darktown to arrest me." Anders remarked.

"Leave Aveline alone." Leila said with a smile.

"It's true. She has been capturing mages and turning them over to the templars." He argued.

"Yes, but I have also heard that she lets most of them go. Isn't that true Aveline?" Leila asked.

"Between us, yes. I've only turned a handful over to the templars." Aveline replied seeming grateful of Leila's defence of her.

"Every despot starts somewhere. I thought you were against locking up mages." He said seriously looking at her with a stern expression.

"I am, but the people she turned over were dangerous criminals. Or do you suggest that she ignores terrible crimes, because those who committed them were mages? Like the templars ignores the crimes of their own?" She said seriously.

"No, but no one deserves to be made tranquil." He said strictly.

"You are right and I don't agree with the methods they use. Frankly, the whole justice system needs to be revised. All I am saying that you should be careful, not to judge her as harshly as you do. You have trouble enough, without creating enemies that aren't there." She said softly and Anders' couldn't help but smile at her concern for him.

"One day you have to teach me how to do that. If I try to say something to him, I risk getting fried by a fireball!" Hawke smirked and Anders snickered almost wickedly.

"It's her charms, Chuckles. Those contours lead the mind astray and then **BAM!**She punches you with a good solid argument." Varric chuckled.

"I should have you talk to that bloody constable. Perhaps you could get him to shut up." Aveline said looking at Leila.

"Or the Qunari!" Hawke laughed.

"Sorry, good arguments and fanatics never seem to go together. I'll turn off here. See you guys later." Leila smiled briefly looking at Anders, who smiled fondly at her, as the other said goodbye.

As she walked away she beckoned Ebony to follow her. Leila had to chuckle as she walked with him. Already people were avoiding him and he was nothing but a large puppy still. In a few months he would be fully grown and then how would people react? She decided to go past the market. Merrill had a tendency to forget to buy groceries and Leila felt good bringing something that they could enjoy in each other's company.

-OOO-

Merrill and Leila had been talking for hours. Leila enjoyed learning about the Dalish and Merrill loved that someone was interested in it. Merrill was showing her some Dalish momentoes and heirlooms, telling stories that were related to them. Leila saw one she hadn't noticed before. She picked it up and admired the woodwork.

"This is a Halla right?" Leila asked.

"Yes, it was a gift from Hawke." Merrill blushed as a smile bloomed on her lips.

"That was sweet of him. I would like to see a real one someday." Leila replied, not wanting to bother her friend about her infatuation with Hawke.

"I hope you will. Unfortunately my clan lost all ours. Most clans are not very fond of outsiders." Merrill explained.

"I understand. It seems that wherever we go, humans tend to mess things up." Leila smiled sadly.

"That's not true. You and Hawke don't mess up. Not all the time anyway." Merrill replied and Leila laughed good naturedly.

"Thank you Merrill, that's kind of you too say."

"Not like me at all. I seem to mess up everything." Merrill sighed.

"You think too little of yourself." Leila replied kindly and stroked her shoulder.

"It's true. I can't even get that blighted mirror to work! Three years and it does nothing." Merrill sighed and walked into her bedroom with Leila following her.

"It's beautiful." Leila said admiring the mirror, though for a moment it was as f she saw something moving in it.

"Isn't it? I think I need a special tool to fix it, though. My clan has one, but I don't think the keeper will give it to me. We weren't on the best of terms last we spoke." Merrill said sadly.

Leila felt conflicted. Anders had told her that this mirror was dangerous, but she also knew how much it meant to Merrill. Leila knew enough of bloodmagic to have a large respect and distaste for it and wanted to keep a distance to it. It was after all, what brought her here in the first place. Looking at that mirror, something made her feel uneasy. It seemed familiar somehow and not in a good way. She could feel shadows moving in it and for a moment she was convinced, she heard screams coming from it as well. Images of her being sucked into it started flooding her mind and she became nauseous. But who was she to decide, what path others took. She could warn Merrill, yes, but she was a free person and she wasn't hurting anyone. Why wasn't anything in this life ever easy?

"You will never know if you don't ask." Was the only answer Leila could think of.

"I had thought of asking Hawke to go with me." She replied shyly.

"I am sure he will agree." Leila smiled.

"Do you think?" Merrill said her eyes full of hope.

"Of course. He likes you." Leila said with a bright smile.

"Hawke likes everyone. He is a very likeable person. It's hard to imagine him not liking someone." Merrill replied. Leila walked over to her placed both hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"No Merrill. He likes **you.**" Leila said seriously, but with a smile on her face.

"I-I... are you sure?" Merrill asked as she was almost beaming and Leila had to laugh.

They heard a knock on the door and Merrill went to open. Hawke, Varric and Anders came in the door. Anders eyes went straight to Leila and he smiled at her. She wondered if he had as hard a time not running towards and embracing her, as she did him. Not to reveal herself Leila looked at Merrill, who was already blushing and ranting.

"We are going to the Hanged Man, thought you ladies might want to join us." Hawke smiled.  
Walking towards the Hanged Man Leila and Anders purposely fell a little behind. It was easy for this to go unnoticed, as Varric, Merrill and Hawke were chatting each other's ears of. Anders discretely took her hand and gave it a quick kiss. Ebony noticed and gave a happy yelp and Leila chuckled.

"Oh, you approve do you?" Anders asked with a smile and the dog gave another happy bark.

When they arrived at the Hanged Man Isabella and Fenris had already found their way to Varric's suite. They sat around the table and Leila purposely took the seat opposite to Anders. As they started talking about their latest exploits and Varric's wild embellishments, Leila discretely pushed of one of her boots. As she talked to Isabella, she let her foot slowly run up the inside of Anders' thigh. Still keeping the conversation with Isabella going, she noticed his sudden look at her. As she continued her conversation and he his with Hawke and Fenris, her foot finally reached between his thighs. He almost chocked on the ale he was drinking.

"Easy Mage, certainly you have thought of a more dramatic way to die." Fenris commented drily, while Anders was coughing.

When the coughing stopped she began to stroke him lightly and felt his arousal getting harder. She almost chuckled, when he began giving **very** short answers to anything he was asked. Suddenly he placed his hand under the table and gave her foot a small jolt of electricity making her retreat it quickly, as she gave a startled yelp.

"Are you alright Lethellan?" Merrill asked concerned.

"Yes, just got a small cramp." Leila replied and she noticed Anders' wicked grin, though he did his best to conceal it.

"Oh, those hurt! Can't you help her Anders?" Merrill asked.

"I'm sure it's passed now. Besides, a little pain never hurt anyone." Anders smiled and Leila gave him a mock glare.

Leila suddenly noticed that Hawke was making sure Merrill drank **a lot** of wine, while he was drowning himself in ale. Who would ever have thought that Hawke needed to drink to get courage? Merrill was really making him lose is foothold and she wasn't even trying. Suddenly an elf in robes ran through Varric's suite.

"Help me!" He cried before jumping out the window and in came about seven thugs.  
The all got up from their chairs and Hawke pushed Merrill and Leila aside and away from them. Anders grabbed the thug, pursuing the elf through the window, by the collar and dragged him back. Even though they were in the Hanged Man and in Varric's suite, if anyone realised that they were mages it would be bad. Templars came to this place after all. Hawke made a telekinetic burst that made the door close, before knocking a thug over with a stonefist. Everything happened so fast, Leila could hardly keep track on it all. She had never seen so much magic in her life or seen her friends truly fight before. It was clear that they knew each other well and even Anders and Fenris seemed to have an understanding. Leila could see that they were not actually trying to kill these thugs, or they would have been dead by now. As one went towards Leila, she ordered Ebony to take him down. The dog jumped and placed its teeth around his throat, with such force he fell backwards. As the thug was about to stab Isabella in the back Leila picked up the wine bottle and smashed it against his head. Screaming in pain he turned, only for her to knee him in the crotch and break a mug over his head as well. The mug cut her hand, but Leila didn't care. Isabella saw this and gave her a bright smile of pride, as the last of the thugs were knocked out. Ebony was still holding one of them by the throat, growling and sneering as the thug was cowering in fear. Anders put a sleep spell on him and looked at Ebony.

"Release." He ordered and Ebony did it. "Good dog." He replied with a smile and stroked its head.

"These people were hired professionals." Fenris stated.

"They sure weren't regulars." Varric agreed.

"I think that was more of the mercenaries we were after." Anders mused looking at them.

"They are definitely from Rivain." Isabella concluded.

"Goodie, I'll go get a guard. Merrill, will you accompany me?" Hawke smiled.

"Sure Hawke." Merrill said cheerfully and followed him out.

"Nice work, Sunshine." Varric said proudly.

"Not that nice. It would have been more impressive, if I did it without getting a scrape." Leila smirked.

"Are you hurt?" Anders asked with concern and walked over taking her hand.

"It's nothing." Leila said sweetly.

"Well, this "nothing" needs to be cleaned, before I can heal it. Come with me." Anders smiled and walked with her out of the room.

A few minutes later Hawke and Merrill returned with a guard and the helped tie the thugs up and getting them out of the Hanged Man. Returning to the suite Hawke picked up a bottle and started drinking.

"That was exciting!" Merrill said happily.

"Sure was, Daisy." Varric agreed.

"Damn, no more whisky. Coming with me to the bar Varric?" Hawke asked and Varric nodded and followed.

"So what is going on with you and Daisy?" Varric asked with a smirk.

"Nothing at all. That's the problem. Maker, I feel as awkward as Carver!" Hawke laughed at himself and Varric chuckled. Hawke reached for the bottle on the bar and looked at it.

"Bah, this whisky has rat droppings in it. Corff, I'm going to see what you have behind the bar!" Hawke yelled at Corff, who was taking an order at one of the tables.

"Just make sure to put it on your tab!" Corff called back.

"Don't I always?" Hawke replied with a smirk, walking behind the bar with Varric.  
Suddenly Varric stopped and pulled Hawke's arm.

"Hawke, I found a griffon." Varric smirked and pointed into the storage room. In the shadows stood Anders embracing Leila's waist, her arms around his neck while they were kissing each other passionately.

"I do believe you owe me a sovereign." Varric grinned putting forth is hand. Hawk chuckled and made a gesture for him to be quiet, before they walked away without the lovers noticing.


	24. Chapter 24 Betrayal

Betrayal

Cullen was standing in the gallows courtyard, looking over the training of the recruits and watching over the newest mages from Stark Haven they had caught. He couldn't get that incident from two weeks ago out of his head. He had already felt slight sympathy for the woman they were to execute, but Meredith said that they had to remain vigilant. He believed her. After seeing what Uldred did and seeing his brothers in arms being killed, how could he believe anything else? But seeing that young woman's face, begging for the life of a stranger, stirred something in him. And they were strangers, according to Vael. Her words still send a shiver down his spine.

_"You wear the sword of mercy, as a symbol on your chest. It is supposed to be a symbol of what the order stands for. Please heed it now!"_

He tried to push it aside, but looking around he was constantly reminded of it, as the crest on their uniforms seemed almost radiating. The sword of mercy. Could you be vigilant and merciful at the same time? He had always looked at the statues, as nothing more than something the mages was all too willing to exploit. But now they seemed to be towering him, even as they seemed to be pleading and begging for mercy. When he joined the order it had been to protect, the general public as well as mages themselves. He had never seen himself as an executioner. There had been at the harrowing of course, where an apprentice had given into temptation. But that wasn't the same was it? Surely, that was mercy, just as the right of tranquillity was. Many thought that the Knight-commander was slowly going mad. He knew that Thrask had started whispering in the corners, but the situation with the mages was fragile. Confronting something like this, would just cause suspicion within the order itself. So Cullen ignored it for now. Why was it, that even people in the order was beginning to doubt that what they did was necessary? Why would they betray the order they willingly joined? Why was it that all it took for him to doubt was that young woman's pleas? Then there been the castration of Ser Karass. The man insisted it must have been a mage, but he claimed to have been unconscious at the time. That was a strange incident indeed. Had he been dead, Cullen would have expected it. Templars were not met everywhere with open arms, especially not lately. What was not so commonly known about the incident was that the word "rapist" had been written on Karass' forehead in ink. It took weeks for it to disappear, but Karass managed to conceal it underneath his helmet. This made Cullen wonder what the person, who had done it, knew. Were there things going on under his nose, that he knew nothing about? On top of that, there were those blasted drawings going around, spreading like wildfire, making even the more simply and uneducated people look towards the templars with mistrust. He looked up as the wind shifted and it started to rain. The raindrops dripping from the tormented statues like tears. He made a deep sigh.

"Alright everyone, lets pack up and go inside!" He called. The recruits and merchants started packing there things and heading inside. Perhaps something inside could tear his mind from these gloomy thoughts and those pleading green eyes.

-OOO-

Hawke and Varric were sitting in the Hanged Man like so many times before. Hawke was hiding from the nobility, with their daughters ready to marry, and Varric from the merchant's guild. Doing this probably required ale, cards and stories. Nothing unusual about it until a certain young man in a white armour walked through the place. He walked directly into Varric's suite.

"Sebastian! Come and have a drink!" Hawke said happily.

"Finally got bored of the chantry, choir boy?" Varric smiled.

"No thank you. I'm looking for Leila. Do you know where she is?" Sebastian said seriously.

"She had been avoiding you for two weeks. Take the hint." Varric remarked.

"I know she has, that is why I need to talk to her." He insisted.

"She doesn't want to talk to you and frankly I don't blame her." Hawke replied.

"What would you have me do? Shoot the templars between the eyes?" He scoffed.

"No, but you could have tried... I don't know... not defend the templars who **hit** her." Hawke said with sarcasm.

"Not you brightest move, choir boy." Varric agreed.

"I... I know. Please tell me where she is. I am afraid of what path she might take." Sebastian tried.

"She is a big girl. I doubt you can talk her out of anything." Varric replied casually.

"Have you tried looking at Merrill's? Or at the clinic?" Hawke sighed.

"Both... Please tell her that I have been looking for her." He sighed with disappointment. Hawke nodded and Sebastian walked out the door. Hawke didn't see eye to eye with Sebastian, but he did feel sorry for him.

"So I am taking it that Sunshine is with Blondie?" Varric smiled.

"Yes, she probably hid in the back, when Sebastian came in." Hawke chuckled.

"They still haven't told anyone?" Varric asked.

"Nope. Honestly, how long do they think they can go on without us finding out?" Hawke chuckled with disbelief.

"Well, so far we are the only ones that know. Though Blondie is brooding less, this in itself should be a clue. What about you and Merrill?" Varric asked with a grin.

"That girl is so dim-witted! I don't know how many remarks I can throw at her, before she gets it. She is driving me **crazy**!" Hawke exclaimed with frustration.

"Well, you could always just tell her." Varric suggested.

"Varric, Varric, Varric. I don't just tell people anything. You know that. I do however need her and Anders' help today. Ever been to the fade?"

-OOO-

Justice was right. Leila **was** a distraction, but she was so worth it. When he was helping her study the history of the circle, he had trouble keeping his hands of her. She actually had to push him away and remind him that it was important. Even now, when they were working in the clinic, he would find himself starring at her and removing her clothes with his eyes. The mental picture of her naked form was always just a short memory away. Today she wasn't even wearing a corset and it would be so easy and quick to fulfil his desire. She was treating one of the children from Darktown, who has scraped his knee. Normally not something serious, but living amongst filth meant it could easily get infected, if not treated, and that could be lethal. He felt sadness strike his heart. She was so caring and kind towards this little boy. Not only did she like children, but she was a natural with them. She treated them with the same respect as an adult and the same care and love, as she did any animal. As she lifted the boy of the table and he walked out the clinic, Anders walked over to her and gave her a small kiss on her cheek. She smiled softly up at him.

"You will be a wonderful mother." He said in a low voice.

"That is an interesting theory, though theory it will remain." She smiled carelessly.

"You could find someone else, love." He replied with sadness and she took his chin gently and made him look at her.

"It has nothing to do with you. I like children, but I don't want them. Not biologically anyway." She replied seriously.

"What do you mean?" He asked with astonishment.

"Look out there. There are so many children, who lost their parents during the blight and have no one to take care of them. When mages are free, there are still going to be parents who will fear their children for being born as such. Those children will also be left alone and loveless. Why would I bring a new child into the world, when there already are so many who could benefit from that love? That was also true in my world and I have felt like this for years... Who knows, I might come across a little Anders some day." She explained kindly stroking his face and he smiled brightly.

"Do you know how amazing you are?" He asked as his heart was swelling.

"Why do I get a feeling that you want to show me?" She smiled teasingly and Anders lowered his lips to hers.

"Varric!" She whispered and pushed Anders away.  
Anders looked out the clinic and towards them came Hawke and Varric. He groaned with frustration.

"Blasted! Why is that every man in Kirkwall wants to see you?" Anders grumbled.

"You said it yourself, I'm amazing." She replied with a mischievous smirk, walking away and Anders chuckled.

"Hey Blondie. Are you busy?" Varric asked.

"No, it's been pretty quiet. Something I can do for you?" Anders asked.

"Remember that boy Feynriel? I got a letter from his mother this morning. He is in trouble." Hawke replied.

"What kind of trouble?" Anders asked.

"The bad kind. He has fallen asleep and can't wake up. The keeper claims she can help and will be here in an hour." Hawke replied.

"Alright... but Hawke you know what happens to me in the fade." Anders said carefully and Hawke placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You are my best friend and this could get ugly. I need you to watch my back, even if that means talking to your better half." Hawke smirked and Anders relaxed a little. Hawke then whistled at Leila.

"I'm not a dog you know." She remarked with a smile.

"No, but I have known you to be a bitch." Hawke remarked with a smirk and laughed at Anders' disapproving frown. Leila just shook her head.

"Sebastian has been looking for you." He said more seriously.

"I think he is truly sorry, Sunshine." Varric offered.

"I bet he is! Well he can keep looking!" Anders stated irritably while crossing his arms.

"No, they are right. I have to face him sooner or later anyway. I was just afraid that I might say or do something that hurt him. I was not at my diplomatic best last we spoke." Leila replied and Anders gave her a sad look.

"Good, you patch up Sebastian's pride and we will go save the day. Sounds like fun!" Hawke grinned and walked out the clinic.

-OOO-

Leila took a deep breath before entering the chantry. She had dreaded this. Not that she was concerned that Sebastian was cross with her. If he was it was more his problem than hers, but she just didn't want to hear more preaching, about how the Maker is responsible for everything and that should justify the actions of a select few. In her opinion it was cowardly, to just push everything over to some deity, no matter the religion. Like that made us less responsible for our actions or that we could just do something terrible and ask forgiveness and not having to give it a second thought. Things shouldn't be forgotten so easily and we should remember our mistakes, so that we do not repeat them. Not just push them aside, because we assumed some higher power had forgiven us. Like she would forever be haunted by what she did to Karass. Very few choices were either right or wrong. Often they seemed to be both at once and so the ramifications and feelings related to them should be the same. She walked through the chantry and saw Sebastian lighting a candle at the memorial altar. Leila couldn't help but smile. He remembered.

"For my mother?" She asked with a smile standing behind him.

"Leila... Yes, I hope it is not offensive to you." He replied carefully.

"Of course not. It was very sweet gesture, thank you." She said with a genuine smile.

"I have been praying for your soul. I still hope that you might see the wisdom and guidance that comes with following the path of the Maker." He said with true concern taking her hand.

"Sebastian, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I meant what I said that day and you might try to deny it, but I am far to set in my ways to become part of the chantry." Leila explained sweetly, but firmly.

"You have been spending too much time with Anders. You have become as rebellious as him." Sebastian sighed and withdrew his hand.

"Do not blame others for my actions, Sebastian. He has nothing to do with this. My thoughts and believes are my own. I will always question everything because that is the only way we grow and learn. The questions I want to ask sometimes bring about answers people don't want. That is why I do not join this religion or submit to rules made a thousand years ago. I have my own mind and I intend to use it." Leila said firmly and walked away.

As Sebastian saw her walk away Elthina's latest words to him began ringing in his mind.

_"The Maker blessed us with a mind and a conscience, he does not approve when we fail to use them."_

"Do you question what he and Hawke say as well?" He challenged after her. She turned and looked at him, her eyes and body language as calm as a rock.

"I even question myself." She replied and walked out the chantry.

Sebastian admired her. She had lost everything and was thrown into a world so unlike her own, but she knew herself. She was in full command over herself and her actions. She did not have trouble deciding and managed to do it with both thought and feeling. He had lost his family, but was still in the familiar surroundings of the chantry. He did not have her self-awareness or her confidence. Since meeting her he had wanted to save her. Insure that this noble being would be granted a place at the Maker's side. The truth, that he tried to push aside, the one that terrified him, was that his heart had begun to believe that he needed her guidance to achieve that same confidence. That she could guide him, where the Maker had not. On his better days he would come to the conclusion that the Maker has sent her to guide him. Why else would he have been there that day, Hawke summoned her? But why would the Maker sent a heretic? He felt himself betrayed by his thoughts and his feelings, as he kneeled down in prayer.

-OOO-

Hawke walked with heavy steps up the stairs from Lowtown to Hightown. He had claimed the day would be fun. What in the void had he been thinking? This was one of the worst days he had, since he summoned Leila to this world. He felt dirty and disgusted with himself. He felt anger pouring through his veins and regret piercing his heart. There was nothing to take solace in. He could practically taste his own bitterness and found himself spitting on the ground from time to time, hoping the taste would disappear. The blood was racing through his veins with fury, begging to be released through his magic. He found himself even walking through the shady allies in the hope that some... any fool would jump him. The templars were afraid of mages? They had not even begun to fear them! In the back of his mind he heard a rage demon whispering. It had been there for awhile now. Talking to him as seductively as any whore from the rose. Begging him to release it into this world. To show him what true power was! Hawke scoffed. If he wanted power he would have had it by now. It would be like stealing candy from a child in a cradle. When he finally reached the estate, after a long detour, he was disappointed that no one had jumped him. He wanted a distraction. He wanted to pummel someone or something. For a moment the idea of charging the Gallows single handily even seemed appealing. He opened the door and threw his boots and staff in the entry hall. He walked passed Bodahn and Sandal completely ignoring them. He walked into the study and slammed the door. He took the largest bottle of whisky he could find and didn't even bother with a glass. He placed himself in front of the fire and poured the liquid down his throat, as if it was nothing but water. He sat there brooding and full of self-pity. _"I could even compete with Fenris!"_ He chuckled bitterly to himself. He heard the door open, but didn't bother to turn. He knew that if he did, he would growl at the person coming through the door and no one in this house deserved it. He noticed it was Leila and she sat in the chair next to him. She reached for the bottle and took a sip, before handing it to him. She rarely drank, so this was unusual as well. From the look on her face, her day had been unpleasant as well. They sat there not speaking for a while, but her presence comforted Hawke all the same. The demons whispering became lower.

"So, what did they prince want?" Hawke finally asked.

"He is still trying to get me to make a career change and join the chantry as a sister." She replied with a small smile.

"But you look like hell. Rough day I take it." She noted.

"That is an understatement. The only thing that would make this day complete was if a tax collector came by. I have been dealing with demons all day, I don't think I could handle another." He replied with a smirk and took another large gulp of the bottle.

"Demons... wonderful... want to talk about it?" She replied lifting her legs into the chair and cradling herself.

"Alright. What do you want to hear first? The tale about how Merrill chose a demon over me? Or the one where Anders thinks I betrayed him for a demon? On an innocents expense I might ad." Hawke remarked and gave an irritated chuckle.

"I hardly know which one to ask about first. They both seem almost ridiculous. What happened with Anders?" She frowned and Hawke sighed.

"We were trying to save a mage boy from being possessed. We came across a demon, who said he had information about those fighting to take control over the boy. As I am sure Anders have pointed out, I have a tendency to trick demons, much to his dismay. Today I tried to trick the demon into helping us. Justice didn't realize I was trying to do and attacked me. I-I killed him. In the fade. My best friend turned on me and I killed him. He is unharmed, but the memory of his dead body fading away... and naturally he was too pissed at me to even listen to what I had to say, before he stormed off." Hawke explained and the regret in his voice was evident. Leila looked at him carefully and looked concerned.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot say that I am surprised by his reaction. He is very impulsive... and Merrill?" She asked with concern.

"That was just as lovely a show. After losing Anders we encountered a pride demon. Big ugly and with horns. Extremely powerful. It offered Merrill a way to save her people's history and she turned on me. She accepted that demons offer, as if it were nothing and turned on me. In hindsight I should have known better, but it was Merrill. My Merrill." He sighed heavily and rested his face in the palms of his hands. Leila got up and walked over and kneeled in front of him. She gave him a hug that he eagerly returned. She pulled away a little.

"And the boy?" She asked calmly.

"Oh, he is fine. Completely demon free. Thank the Maker for Varric. To think I brought to mages, because they were familiar with the fade. Next time I'll bring Sandal instead." Hawke chuckled and Leila had to as well.

"It's going to be alright. Go talk to them tomorrow. I am sure Anders will understand once you explain yourself. As for Merrill... she cares for you. I'm sure she has an explanation as well." Leila said softly and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"I'm getting you some dinner. Whisky soup isn't a very stabile diet." She smiled and got up.

"Thank you." Hawke said as she was about to walk out the door.

"For what?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"For not doubting whether or not I accepted the demons offer." Hawke replied seriously and she gave him a kind smile. The demons whispering disappeared.


	25. Chapter 25 Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Hawke had walked around that stupid tree thirteen times now. Why was facing her so hard? _"Because she makes you tremble by the mere thought of her. Because she makes your palms sweaty and your sharp tongue becomes blunt in her presence. Oh and she chose a twelve feet tall demon with horns over you."_ He sighed to himself in his mind. The elves in the alienage were looking strangely at him. No wonder. How often did you see a human noble walk around the same tree in the alinage for half an hour? He almost laughed at himself, when he realised what he was doing. He was afraid of Merrill! He walked too her door and took a deep breath before knocking on it. Merrill opened the door and instantly turned as white a sheet. At the sight of her Hawke felt a desire to bend forward and claim her soft lips.

"Hawke... I wasn't expecting you." Merrill said softly as she had trouble meeting his eyes.

"Hello Merrill. May I come in? I would like to talk to you." He said with a smile in the hopes of calming her.

"Yes, of course." She replied opening the door fully and letting him enter.

She looked even smaller today than usual. Timid and submissive even. In addition she looked tired. Perhaps she had gotten as little sleep as he had. He had been tossing and turning the entire night, thinking about both her and Anders. His heart and his right hand and for almost a day it felt as if he had lost both. Merrill looked around almost franticly afraid to speak and still desperately wanting the silence to end. He wanted it as well but where would he start? _"Hello Merrill. Why do you love a demon more than me?"_ didn't seem like the right conversation opener. He felt nervous and he was never nervous. Why was it that this little creature, with her seemingly innocent nature, had this effect on him? She suddenly turned and looked at him with those big green eyes, full of tears and a pleading expression.

"I-I can't believe I turned on you... with the demon... in the fade... I'm so sorry... Ma serranass. I'll understand if you can't forgive me." She said pleadingly looking at him. His heart was beating faster than he had ever thought possible. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he was no good at expressing his emotions, so he did as always.

"If I held a grudge on everyone who betrayed me in a dream, I would have no friends left." He chuckled and to his relief so did she.

"How do you do that? Make everything better with a smile. It's like magic that doesn't get you in trouble." She giggled, but then her face turned serious and she walked into her bedroom. She starred at the mirror for a while before sitting down on her bed.

"I have been so careful in my dealings with spirits until now. To make such an obvious mistake... it frightens me. It takes so little for a mage to fall." She said in sad voice that had a hint of self loathing. Hawke sat down next to her and took her hand, giving her a tender smile.

"Merrill, what made you give in?" He asked just as softly. She looked at him for a moment in consideration.

"It felt like every word the demon spoke reached out and pulled at my heart. I didn't want to believe it, but I just... had too." She said softly like she didn't quite understand it herself.

"You are already in a lot more danger than most mages... we both are." Hawke replied squeezing her hand fondly. She smiled at him and stood up.

"Because of... the bloodmagic. I know. I'll be more guarded from now on. Thank the creators you where there. It won't happen again. I'll make sure of that." She said with determination.

Hawke stood up and walked towards her placing both his hands on her shoulders. She seemed so tiny in his large hands and that made him want to protect her even more.

"I will always be here for you. I was never angry with you. I was... afraid... Besides the demons can't have you. You are far too pretty to become an abomination." He smiled at the last part, concealing the seriousness behind the words he had spoken. The once that made him vulnerable.

"You are too kind... Did you hear a noise? I think I heard something." She replied and walked away looking for the imaginary sound. And there it was. The reason why the ever charming Hawke just couldn't get this relationship past flirting. He would push his feelings aside with humour and she would get shy and retreat. No wonder Carver had such trouble. Hawke almost felt bad for what he put Aveline through with Donnic. Or Anders and Leila. _"Oh, damn! Anders!"_ His second hurtle this morning.

-OOO-

Anders was sitting alone in his clinic. He was absolutely furious! He had hardly gotten any sleep. The thought of that poor boy as an abomination was haunting him. To think that Hawke had turned that boy over to a demon! _"What did you expect from a bloodmage?"_ He and Justice scoffed in unison. Still he had trusted Hawke. Never seen Hawke give into one, even if he was a little careless with them. There was Death, but that was different. Anders had lain awake that entire night, thinking about what made him do it. What made someone he considered his best friend risk an innocent, betray him and murder him? Had he even known he would come out unharmed? He could have died or been made tranquil! Was all Hawke's talking of supporting mages just a front to make him shut up? He had a hard time believing that, but after yesterday he wasn't so sure anymore. He heard someone knock on the door, but since it wasn't frantic he ignored it. He was too angry to heal anyone right now. If it was serious the person would probably be more insistent. If not, they could come back another day.

"Anders? Open up love. Please?"

He heard Leila's sweet voice call and instantly his heart calmed. He walked over, unlocked the door and opened it to see Leila's sweet face looking up at him. He instantly pulled her close for a kiss. This was what he needed. The only person who could calm the storm of fire brewing inside him.

"I need to talk to you." She said sweetly as she pulled away. He frowned.

"Did Hawke send you? If he has something to say to me, he can come himself!" Anders stated aggressively and walked into the clinic. Leila followed him and closed the door behind them.

"Hawke didn't send me. Do you find it so strange that I'm here?" She asked looking at him with a small frown. Hs expression softened and he pulled her towards him resting his hands in her hips.

"Of course not. I'm sorry. I'm just upset about what happened yesterday. Do you know?" He asked looking down at her.

"Yes, Garrett told me. He didn't sacrifice the boy. He was trying to trick the demon, when Justice got afraid for Feynriel's life." She said softly.

"You mean?" He asked with widened eyes.

"He isn't possessed. Hawke and I collected him at the Dalish this morning and put him on a ship to Tevinter." She explained with a smile. Anders let out a loud laugh and lifted her twirling her around.

"I guess I owe Hawke an apology." Anders stated after placing her back on the ground.

"It was a misunderstanding. Neither of you were to blame. You should have seen his face last night. He thought you would never speak to him again." She replied with a small smile.

"I better go find him then." He stated.

"No, wait. He is with Merrill now. It was quite a blow to his heart that she turned on him." She said sadly and Anders sighed.

"That will always be a problem. I know she seems innocent, but she will never choose him over her demon." He stated with a frown.

"Like you will never choose me over the cause of mages." She replied and Anders was about to reply, when she kissed him.

"It's alright. I will never expect that. Besides without the cause of mages the chance of a future, any future, between us is fairly limited. Unless we find a deserted tropical island somewhere." She smiled.

"That would be wonderful love. I wish things were different." He sighed.

"Hey, no gloomy thoughts. At least we have each other." She smiled and kissed him.

He pulled her flush against him and deepened the kiss. Suddenly she started opening the buckles of his tunic and began pushing him back towards the bedroom, while smiling against his lips. He tried to unlace her corset, but she was far too busy undressing him, for him to get the opportunity to complete the task. She pushed of his coat and let it fall to the ground. After a few steps closer to the bedroom his tunic followed. At the bedroom curtain his shirt was removed. She pushed him playfully onto the bed and he couldn't help but chuckle. Normally he was the one who was instigating these things, but their relationship was still new, so perhaps she just needed time to adjust. She kissed his lips, chin, throat, chest, stomach and placed the last one between his still clothed legs. She pulled off his boots and he had to laugh at the mischievous sparkle in her eye. She opened his trousers and dragged them off him. He was aching to pull her close, but also eager to see were this was heading. She began stroking him and he closed his eyes from the pleasure of it. Then suddenly she stopped and walked backwards with a teasing smile. Still fully clothed, she waved with her fingers and ran out the bedroom.

"**Oh no you don't!**" He cried with a laugh and ran after her.

He ran up behind her and managed to catch her in the middle of the clinic. His arms were wrapped around her waist from behind and kissing her neck, as she giggled in delight. That was when he heard someone clear their throat. Anders and Leila looked up and saw Hawke, Varric, Merrill and Isabella looking at them. Leila turned around in his arms and hid her face in his chest, laughing loudly from embarrassment.

"Is this a bad time?" Hawke asked with a huge grin.

"Ma vehnan!" Merrill gasped as her cheeks became red.

"OH! Look for handcuffs and whipped cream!" Isabella smiled brightly.  
Varric was about to reach for his notebook.

"Bring that out and I will burn it!" Anders warned lifting one of his hands holding a small ball of fire in it.

"**Oh, come on!** I have wanted good stuff for this romance for months!" Varric complained.

"Perhaps, we should give Anders some privacy… to get dressed I mean." Merrill giggled.

"Oh hush Kitten." Isabella corrected.

"Alright everyone out now. This show is over and was private to begin with." Leila's said turning around still hiding Anders behind her.

"Spoil sport. Have you ever heard of sharing?" Isabella remarked.

"Nope, I'm selfish. Now out!" Leila said coldly.

"I am not going to forgive you for this." Anders growled teasingly against her ear as they left.

"Are you sure?" She purred letting her hand slide to her back and caressing him, managing to get him instantly aroused again. He swallowed and backed away from her and started picking up his clothes, as she was laughing heartily. When Anders was dressed, Hawke and Anders talked for a little while, as the other kept their distance. Isabella walked up to Leila and leaned her arm on her shoulder and grinned at her.

"So, did he Grey your Warden?"

"Sorry?" Leila looked confused for a moment.

"Explore your Deep Roads? Or master your taint? That's an old one."

"I do believe I was the one to master his." Leila replied with a smirk.

"That's my girl!" Isabella laughed.

"What are you all doing here anyway? I thought Garrett was coming alone?" Leila asked.

"Some Qunari patrol had gone missing. Hawke thought we should look into it." Varric replied.

Suddenly one of the refugee boys came running into the clinic.

"Healer! Healer! The templars are on their way!" The boy said quickly running towards Anders.

Fear touched Leila's heart as she ran to the door to see how close they were. They were at the camps just opposite.

"The basement." Hawke said and ran the door. Anders ruffled the boy hair kindly and followed. Hawke looked out the door.

"We have to walk away naturally. Perhaps they won't notice." Hawke said.

"They are too close. We will never make it." Varric stated and Leila looked at Anders her heart pounding awfully.

"Isabella, come with me. You three get to the basement. Make sure they do, Varric." Leila ordered and Anders grabbed her wrist.

"Sure thing, Sunshine." Varric nodded with understanding.

"Love, what are you doing?" He asked almost franticly.

"Creating a distraction. Let's go Isabella." Leila replied before taking Isabella's hand and walking over to the templars. Anders was about to pursue, but Hawke and Varric stopped him.

"Easy Blondie, think of what will happen if you storm after her." Varric cautioned.  
Anders looked at Varric and knew that he was right. He just hoped that she didn't do anything reckless. So he was forced to see her walk straight towards the templars. Justice was raging inside him and staying in control was trying. He closed his eyes and thought of what Leila said. She told him that he could control his emotions by redirecting his thoughts. So he thought of her. He thought of when he met her. This little woman, no taller than an elf, in strange clothes and an unusual hair colour. The first time she had seen him heal, how she had carefully touched his hand and her eyes had been full of amazement. He thought of when she had first told him what she thought of his manifesto. He should have realised then that she had already snuck her way into his heart. He had been upset, because he wanted her to like it. He wanted her to think well of him and his accomplishments.

Leila and Isabella walked towards the templars and Leila tried to keep her cool. She knew they would have to distract them. The others were depending on it. Why couldn't those damn templars just have waited another half hour? Then they would have been long gone. For the first time she really appreciated, what it meant to be with an apostate. What it meant to be a mage. The templars hovering over you, making just surviving seem impossible. They said they did it to protect people, but Leila no longer believed that. It might have started that way and it might be why a lot of people joined the order, but now it had turned into a political power play. Whoever controlled the mages and the templars controlled the world. For this reason Leila respected Elthina's efforts to remain neutral, but then she had to relinquish that power completely, so that people would not fight over it. The same thing could be said for the Viscount. Though Leila was very fond of him and understood what a tremendous pressure he was under, he too was scared and reluctant. Timid and unable to lead his people. All because the two strongest forces were out of his hands. They were almost at the templars, when Isabella spoke.

"So, what are we doing?" Isabella asked, with a twinkle in her eye.

"I was thinking something along a catfight. Though, I have never been in one." Leila replied hesitantly.  
Isabella suddenly pulled in Leila's hair and made her scream.

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out that you were sleeping with him?!" Isabella accused and Leila immediately picked up on it.

"Well, obviously he knows a good thing, when he sees it. You can't blame him for having good taste." Leila remarked snidely.

"You backstabbing little bitch!" Isabella sneered and slapped Leila.

"You pathetic whore!" Leila yelled and slapped Isabella. As they continued this charade the templars tried to break them apart giving their friends and opportunity to run.

-OOO-

Isabella and Leila was walking arm in arm through Hightown laughing loudly. Their clothes ripped, torn and dirty and their bodies had cuts and bruises. The definitely looked a sight and was attracting a lot of stares as the passed the merchants and nobles. Leila had not been in a fight since she was a child and had never thrash talked anyone in her life. It was surprising how easily it had come to her and her and Isabella would have this story to talk about for years to come. Years... realisation dawned on Leila that she would possibly have to stay here forever and right now, that didn't seem so bad. They got to the Hawke estate and walked inside. Hardly inside, Leila was already wrapped in Anders' arms, who was kissing her fiercely. Her jaw hurt a little, but she couldn't make herself push him away. He finally pulled away.

"What were you thinking woman?" He scolded.

"I was thinking about getting you away safely." She smiled stroking his cheek. He studied her face for a little. Her right cheek had a handprint, her jaw blue and yellow and a scrape on her left shoulder.

"Isabella, what did you do to her?" He scolded even harder.

"Nothing more than she did to me." Isabella laughed and pointed at her black eye.

"Yes, I'm so sorry for that. It was an accident, truly." Leila said mortified and Isabella just laughed.  
Leandra came through the door and walked with quick steps towards Leila. Anders moved aside and Leandra hugged her tightly.

"My sweet girl... Garret told me you would distract the templars so they could get away. Are you alright?" She asked pulling away looking at her face. She took Leila's cheek and turned it as she made a clucking sound.

"I'll take care of her, Leandra." Anders replied with a smile and reached for Leila's hand. Leandra gave him a fond smile and Anders led Leila away.

"What about me?" Isabella whined.

"Just take a shot of whisky for the pain." Anders called back with a chuckle, as they walked towards Leila's bedroom. Leila sat down on the bed and he began healing her. He seemed sad and worried. No wonder since the templars had nearly caught him. She reached forward stroked his cheek and he leaned into her touch.

"He is getting more difficult to control isn't he?" She asked softly and he looked at her with pain in his eyes.

"In the fade, there is no time. Emotion rules everything. Justice doesn't know how to sit idle and wait for the right moment to strike. And I can't say I have any greater patience... I fear what my anger has made of my friend." He replied sadly.

"You said it yourself, emotion rules him. Perhaps, if you learned to monitor your thoughts more closely, your emotions would be easier to control." She said softly still caressing his cheek.

"I don't know how." He admitted with a sigh.

"Let me teach you. Try to think of something that makes you feel calm." She replied with a small smile.

"I love you." He said in a low voice, before claiming her lips.

Downstairs Merill, Hawke, Isabella and Varric were sitting around the table getting a drink.

"That was exiting, but I'm glad it's over." Merrill said with a sigh.

"Here's to that!" Hawke agreed lifting his glass.

"Well, I think I'm going back to the Hanged Man. With any luck I'll find something or someone to entertain me." Isabella smiled getting up.

"Don't you want Anders to heal you?" Merrill asked.

"I don't think he will be coming down any time soon Kitten." Isabella smirked.

"Why not? She was that badly hurt? Was she?... oh..."Merrill giggled finally understanding and Hawke grumbled to himself. For once she got it and it wasn't one of his remarks.

"I'm going to join you Rivani. You better come with us, Daisy. Just in case, there are more templars snooping around." Varric asked getting up and Merrill nodded.

"Keep me notified if you find out anything unusual, will you Varric?" Hawke asked and Varric nodded before the three friends left.

Hawke looked into the fire. It had been a close call today. Too close. If any of them had been captured they would have been hanged or made tranquil. Two bloodmages and an abomination, would not survive long in the Gallows. He was the only one who might get out of it, because of his status as nobility. But Anders and Merrill had nothing. Grey Warden or not, they would not tolerate him now that he had left the order. Especially not if they found out about Justice. Anders had told him that he and Leila intended to keep their relationship a secret and Hawke didn't blame them. He saw what was done to Karl and the thought of how they would use Leila made his skin crawl. Hawke dearly hoped that bastard who did that to Karl, would one day pay. But right now his concern was for Anders and Merrill. Mostly Anders, since Merrill almost got unnoticed by everyone. He smirked to himself as he got an idea. He just had to wait for the right moment. Leave it to Hawke to find a way to save the day!

_-OOO- Authors Note -OOO-_

Thank all of you who have been following this story. It means a lot. Your comments inspire me and I get so exited about writing this story. Please review so I know if I am continuing to make this interresting. Thank you 


	26. Chapter 26 Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed

Two weeks had pasted and Anders was still hiding at the Amell estate. The Templars was searching the entire city for someone of something, but what or who was unclear. Many apostates were forced into hiding like Anders, though few were as lucky in their accommodations. It was driving him absolutely mad. Leila had encouraged him to relax and try and calm his frustrations, but he just couldn't. Or rather he wouldn't. He could not justify to himself to sit in this fine house and try to be calm, when his people were suffering. He felt paralyzed and trapped. He hated it! His only solace was Leila. His distraction and by the name of the Maker had he needed a distraction these past weeks. But walking up beside her every morning and kissing her goodnight, did make him feel happy. A lot happier than he could ever remember being. In addition to this Saturnalia was in a two weeks and Leila had almost been here for a year. For the first time since he was a child, he actually looked forward to this holiday. She had told him about what they celebrated in her world and apparently they had something very similar. He found himself curious about her world and a part of him wished that she could show him. But Justice reminded him these idle fantasies were a waste of his time. Leila had begun studying something new lately. She didn't say what was, but he knew that it was troubling her and he wanted to know. She was standing on the balcony one night looking up at the stars. He walked up behind her and placed his arms around her waist resting his chin on her head.

"What are you thinking of, love?" He asked softly.

"I was wondering in what direction my planet is." She said softly.

"Your planet? I thought you came from another realm." He said confused and she took a deep breath.

"There are so many thinks I know and have been taught that I don't know if I can tell you. I know them to be true, but I have no proof and I have no way of recreating it. There are things I don't know if is wise to tell you, because I don't know if I have the right words and analogies to explain them." She said frustrated and leaned against the railing with a sigh.

"I have no doubt that what you tell me is the truth. Please, I want you to be able to confide in me." He said softly stroking her back. She turned around and looked at him, as if she was considering something.

"You are going to think me mental." She said with a smile shaking her head.

"I would never think that." He replied in earnest.

"Oh, yes you would, because if I tell you this, there are only two outcomes. One; your whole view of the world will be changed. Two; and this one is much more likely, you will think me insane." She chuckled regretfully and walked inside.

"I thought you trusted me." He replied a little offended.

"Anders, this has absolutely nothing to do with trust. But if you really want to know then sit down." She replied pointing towards the bed. He sat down and she leaned against the pole of the bed and looked into the fire.

"What if I told you that there is a theory, a good theory in my opinion, that life was not created by a deity?" She asked looking at him. For a moment the word crazy almost caressed his lips and she smirked at this, giving him a knowing glance.

"Alright... try and explain this theory and I'll try to keep an open mind." Anders stated rubbing his forehead while smiling.

"There is a theory that says that all living organisms evolve. They change in order to adapt to a certain environment or exploit a new food source. This is why there are different birds for instance. Their beaks for example are made for different purposes. Are you with me this far?" She asked.

"Yes, that makes sense... sort of. But if the birds weren't created by the Maker where did they come from?" He asked, trying not to challenge or ridicule her.

"Well, according to the research all life evolved from tiny organisms over billions of years. And before you ask, I don't know where those came from. They might have been created by a deity, but as I said it's a theory and I don't have the answers for you. But according to the research done for this theory, all living things are connected. That's why all mammals have two eyes and for instance." She explained sitting down next to him.

"Alright... And this is what you believe?" He asked softly.

"Yes it is." She replied looking at him hesitantly. He smiled and pulled her into his arms. This did seem more than a little odd to him and he was not sure he fully understood it, but he knew that she was intelligent. She might not be right in believing this, but he knew that if she believed it the theory had to be sound. At least to an extent.

"What made you think of this now?" He asked kissing her hair.

"A few weeks ago at the Hanged Man, I heard one of the regulars talking about, how there were more mages now than there used to be. He is always ranting like that, but it made me think all the same. So I went to the chantry to look over birth records and records of those send to the circle. They are incomplete, but from what I could see from the records, he was right." She said and looked at him as if she had discovered something important.

"Sweetheart I'm not following." He replied with a confused look.

"What if the humans and elves are evolving? What if during the next thousand years, there will continue to be born more mages? At some point there will be too many mages for the Chantry to control. Even if they continue as they do now, at some point they will be forced to change or suffer the consequences." She said seriously and this blew Anders away. He stood up and started pacing.

"This is... overwhelming... Can we prove it?" He asked looking at her briefly, as he kept pacing.

"Even if we could, I doubt they would listen, but I will continue to study it. If the chantry wants to remain, they will have to change. If the integrate mages into the society now and adapt to the situation, both a conflict now and in the future could be avoided." She explained and he stopped and looked at her.

"And if they don't?" He asked raising an eyebrow and she sighed sadly.

"Species that doesn't evolve die out." She replied with regret evident in her voice. He looked at her for a moment. She must have been feeling so alone for such a long time. Having thoughts and ideas she kept to herself, because she was afraid no one would understand. Anders walked over and kneeled in front of her.

"You are homesick." He said softly.

"Sometimes... There are so many parts o me that I have to hide. I am even afraid to tell you of my thoughts. I'm afraid of scaring you away." She explained and Anders had to laugh.

"You are in a relationship with a possessed apostate and you are afraid of frightening me? How in the void did I get so lucky, that some curse or miracle brought you to me?" He chuckled and kissed her. He pulled away stroking her cheek and a small smile formed on her lips.

"There is something else I want to tell you. When I saw Merrill's mirror it seemed familiar and I remember why now. I saw one similar the day Hawke brought me here." She said seriously and Anders' expression turned serious as well.

"Do you think Merrill's mirror can bring you home?" He said those words with a lump in his throat. So many things about that mirror made him uneasy and the thought that it could take Leila away from him, did not make it better. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't bear the thought of losing her.

"Perhaps, but that was not why I was interested in it. Merrill said that once all her people had the gift of magic. She also told me that they know almost nothing about the days before Arlethan. On my world only dwarfs and humans exist, but they are considered the same race. What if those mirrors were built as gateways between worlds? What if the elves came to my world and brought some humans back with them? Perhaps, all humans originated from my world and we came to this one and took over everything. It wouldn't be the first time." She said bitterly.

"That... could be an explanation. And you believe that if the elves and humans reproduced, that would explain why some elves lost their magic and some humans gained it?" He continued finally able to grasp some of her trail of thought.

"I don't know. It could be. All I know is that there are so many cultural resemblances for me to ignore. Like you have Saturnalia and we have Christmas, which used to be called saturnalia. You have Andraste and we have Jeanne D'arc." She replied rubbing her forehead. This seemed confusing even to her.

"Jeanne D'arc?" Anders asked.

"She was a woman who said that the God spoke to her. He told her to gather an army and free the oppressed. She freed these people, but was killed. By being burned on a pyre." She said and Anders stood up looking shocked and confused.

"I'm beginning to feel light headed... I need some time to think on this." He said rubbing his temples and Leila gave a small chuckle.

"My dear love, I overwhelmed you... come." She smiled taking his hands and pulled him down on the bed.

They just lay there for awhile, wrapped in each other's arms, both overwhelmed by their thoughts, which seemed to by spiralling out of control. What all this meant, if it were true, was hard to grasp. If the people of Thedas were evolving, then all of the people could one day be mages. But one thing dominated Anders' mind above all else and Justice was a little frustrated by his lack of priority. If a mirror like Merrill's brought Leila here, then she could also be taken away. His heart began to contract in agony of the mere thought of her not being here with him.

"If you find a way... will you go back?" He asked carefully, not wanting the answer, but needing to hear it all the same.

"I don't know anymore. I don't know if there is a place for me any longer. Besides, who would believe me if I told them where I have been. They would think me mental." She chuckled a little sadly. She turned and rested on his chest looking down at him.

"And I don't think I can bear to leave you." She said sweetly.

Anders released a breath, before giving her a heated kiss and turning her over on her back, him covering her body with his.

-OOO-

The next day Anders was still frustrated. Darktown was still crawling with templars and no one was sure what they were looking for. He was pacing out at the balcony looking down into the garden. Inside these walls he was safe, but even with all its comforts, it was a prison. He had far too many important things to do, than to cower in hiding. Leila stood in the door and looked at him with a sweet, comforting and understanding smile. He sighed and a little smile touched his lips. It knocked on the door and Bodahn entered.

"I'm sorry, but Knight-commander Meredith is here to see you mistress." Bodahn said politely.

"Me?" Leila said doubtfully.

"Yes, messere."

Anders and Leila looked at each other with astonishment. Leila had never met the Knight-commander, so why would she be seeking her out?

"I'll be right there, Bodahn. Thank you." Leila replied and looked at Anders, who walked over to her with a concerned expression.

"What in the void does she want with you?" He asked looking at her.

"I have absolutely no idea. But from what I hear, making the iron lady wait is a bad idea." Leila replied and walked towards the door. Anders took her wrist.

"Be careful." He cautioned with an almost painful expression.

"I will and don't you dare come out of this room, do you hear?" She warned with a smile and walked out the door.

Anders knew she meant well. She knew that if something were to happen, he would not stay in that room and he would risk exposing himself. Anders started pacing almost immediately and a few moments later Hawke came into the room. They shared a glance of understanding. If something happened, they would both have to get out there fast. Hawke left the door open just a little and stood at the door listening to the conversation. Anders walked over next to him and the both listened intently.

"For a moment I thought my servant must have been mistaken, saying that the Knight-commander wanted to see me. We haven't been formally introduced, I'm Leila Amell. It's a pleasure to meet you." Leila said very politely and correct.

"Yes, I have heard your name spoken before. You made quite an impression on the viscount." Meredith replied politely, but that coldness never left her voice.

Anders took himself to the head. The proposal to let mages join the guard. That must be why she was here. She was undoubtedly not thrilled with the idea.

"Apparently, I have been fortunate to catch the attention of the right people. Yours among them it would seem. May I offer you something?" Leila offered politely.

Justice roared inside Anders, but he knew that Leila had no choice. She needed to make this seem as normal as possible. Hawke and Anders looked at each other, neither of them fond of where this was going. Two apostates hiding in a bedroom, while the Knight-commander enjoying refreshments in the living room.

"No thank you. I will get right to the point. I hope you will understand that my time is limited." Meredith replied.

"Of course, how can I be of assistance?"

"I read your proposal to the Viscount. It was quite ambitious. I fear you do not realize just how dangerous mages are." Meredith said calmly, but in a correcting manner.

"It is quite hard not to be aware of it, when the templars are so vigilant in reminding of us it." Leila replied almost friendly.

"But apparently it is not enough, since people continue to work against us. May I ask why you made this proposal?" Meredith inquired sternly.

"For the good of Kirkwall of course. These streets are plagued by criminals, even here in Hightown. By adding mages to the Kirkwall guard, we would be able to make the streets safe. I believed that was your goal as well, from what I have come to understand." Leila replied calmly.

"We cannot protect the citizens, if mages are left to roam the streets." Meredith argued.

"Your templars receive healing and treatment from the mages at the Gallows. Why don't the guards deserve the same luxury? Their efforts are just as crucial in protecting the city." Leila asked.

"The mages will need to be constantly watched and I cannot spare my templars for such a task." Meredith replied sternly.

"You mean you will not allow your templars and mages to aid the city." Leila said sternly.  
Hawke and Anders looked at each other. Hawke had a grin on his face, but Anders was worried. Antagonizing the Knight-commander was not a wise idea. Then again it had never stopped him.

"I will do whatever it takes to protect this city. As I have always done." Meredith spat.

"Except for considering suggestions from an outside source. Commander... Look... I have no doubt that you intensions are honourable and that you're concern is well founded, but it is the nobles who are responsible for ruling Kirkwall. It is our responsibility to improve the city and that can only be done by making different proposals and discussing them. As I have no doubt you are aware of. Your warning has been heard Knight-commander and I am sure it will be taken into consideration. If you have any further concerns you should take them up with the Viscount. After all **he** and not **I** is in charge of the city. In the mean time, it might be beneficial for you to focus on your duties in the Gallows and leave city politics to those educated for the task." Leila said as politely as ever.

Hawke was biting his knuckles not to laugh, as Leila put on the arrogance worthy of any noble, while reminding Meredith of her station and doing so with politeness and intelligence. Anders felt his heart beating faster, fearful of Meredith's reaction, while Justice was roaring inside him. The spirit wanted her to take a more direct approach in defending the mages, but Anders knew the risks were too great at this moment. The fact that someone was confronting Meredith was already a step in the right direction.

"Don't presume to remind me of my duties, girl! I heard you described as a sensible young woman. Clearly they were mistaken. The Chantry supersedes the Viscount, in case you have forgotten lady Amell." Meredith spat in threatening voice.

"The Divine might, but you do not. Now if you will excuse me, since I was not prepared for your visit I have made other plans." Leila replied calmly.

"As you wish... Now that I am here, do you draw Lady Amell?" Meredith asked and Anders could almost hear the satisfaction in her voice. A chill ran down his spine and his heart stopped.

"I do, as many others I'm sure. Why?" Leila replied faking ignorance.

"I would like you take a look at these?" Meredith replied.

"Oh, they are rather crude and scandalous aren't they? Why do you think these would interest me?" Leila replied, faking to be slightly offended by her own drawings.

"We have not been able to find who created them, even after searching the city several times. They are creating uproar and the city is already unstable. I hoped you might know the artist." Meredith replied, clearly unsatisfied with Leila's reaction.

"My time is far too valuable for focusing on something as amateurish as this. I assure you. I'm sorry I could not be of more help." Leila replied.

"Very well... A word of caution, if you are to someday to be in relation to the viscount, it would be wise to recognize friends from foes. And not antagonize those from whom you will need assistance. Lady Amell." Meredith replied and Hawke and Anders heard the front door close.

Shortly after Leila came into the room. She let out a large sigh of relief and Hawke started laughing. Anders put one of his arms around her shoulders and could feel her trembling.

"Maker that was funny!" Hawke exclaimed.

"It wasn't as funny as it sounded. My heart is threatening to jump out of my chest." Leila breathed holding a hand on her chest.

"I told you it would get you in trouble." Anders replied shaking his head.

"Oh, you mean like being adopted by one apostate and being in love with another?" She smirked.

"Exactly like that." Anders chuckled, as he kissed her.

"I like trouble." She purred against his lips. Hawke cleared his throat, before chuckling and they pulled apart.

"What did she mean, when she talked about being in relation to the Viscount?" Anders continued.

"There are rumours that Leila is going to marry Seamus Dumar." Hawke said calmly and Anders looked at Leila almost horrified.

"Is that true?" He asked looking down at her almost pleadingly.

"Seamus is a friend nothing more. You know an unmarried noble woman can't go anywhere without being suspected of marrying someone." Leila said softly while stroking his cheek and giving him a smile. He sighed with relief and gave her a chaste kiss.

"So that is why the templars have been so active lately. They have been searching for whoever made those drawings. They must have to give up soon. I'm going to the Hanged Man, to see if there is any news." Hawke smiled.

"Garrett, are you sure that's wise?" Leila cautioned.

"Leila's right, Hawke. The bloody Knight-commander just walked out your front door." Anders agreed.

"You two worry too much. Perhaps I'll bring you back a gift Anders. What about Meredith's head on a spike?" Hawke chuckled and Anders had to smile.

"I don't know which is more morbid, your comment or his satisfied smirk." Leila teased nudging Anders gently between the ribs. Hawke laughed and walked out the door.

"Don't worry I'll use the basement. No one will notice little old me." Hawke called up the stairs.

Anders pulled Leila into his arms and released a breath. He looked down at her seriously.

"You might want to take a break from making those drawings. Do you have any idea how she suspected it was you?" He asked seriously.

"None, but it would seem I am doing a pretty good job at pissing her off as it is. Might be **very** wise keeping a low profile...I don't think I will be able to get any sleep, when you return to the clinic." She replied biting her lower lip in thought, before resting her cheek on his chest.

"It will be fine, love." He lied. He was afraid that it would never be fine. Especially not with the increase in mages made tranquil lately. He had to stop the templars. No matter the cost.

_-OOO- Authors note -OOO-_

_Wrote a lot of deep and intricate conversations in this one. I hope you ahve been able to follow my thoughts. Please let me know what you think:)_


	27. Chapter 27 Celebrations

Celebrations

Saturnalia. Hawke always loved this holiday, but the past two had been horrible. He only had his mother and Gamlen for company, while the death of Bethany and loss of Carver was still haunting them. This year he had a new cousin, who he loved as a sister, and he had also decided to invite his entire gang of misfits. This year it would be a Saturnalia to remember! The templars had stopped turning the city upside down the day Meredith had visited Leila. Anders had gone back to tending to the clinic, but he had come by more often. Leila had not spent the night in the clinic, since the templars almost caught them in Anders' clinic. He figured that Anders was probably trying to protect her. Hawke had been surprised how little people had gossiped about their relationship, but with everything going on with the templars, it seemed less important. In addition to that, Anders had made it very clear no one else could know, in order to protect her. She had already caught Meredith's eye, there was no need to risk any of them by casting unwanted attention their way. This meant that almost half their friends were still unaware, as far as Hawke knew. As for Hawke and Merrill it was the same. He had the feeling that she was working up the courage to ask something of him, but he had no idea of what. He would ask her, but she got so flustered around him, he couldn't get a straight answer from her. All the guests, well accept for Anders (who was probably being held up at the clinic) and Sebastian (who was doing mess at the chantry) had arrived and sat around the dining table. Gamlen was one of the few who had not taken to Leila. Not that he was impolite, but Hawke figured it bothered him, that a complete stranger got to live in Hightown and Gamlen was still stuck in his hovel. Hawke heard Bodahn open the front door and went to greet the person coming through it. He was happy, when he saw it was Anders. It was just who he had hoped for.

"Anders! I was afraid you might have been eaten by a dragon or blown away with your plumage." Hawke chuckled.

"Very funny, Hawke. I'm sorry I'm late. One of the refugees had been crushed by some of the old mining equipment." He explained.

"No worries. Since you have been so worried about the templars, I have got quite the deal for you." Hawke smirked and handed him a key.

"What is this for?" Anders asked looking at him with a suspicious smirk.

"I could say it was for Leila's chastity belt, but I bet you have already worked past it." Hawke chuckled.

"Yes, yes, your wit baffles us all." He replied sarcastically.

"That key, my friend, is for fulltime lodging at the Amell estate. Soft bed, three meals a day and a beautiful temptress in said bed." Hawke chuckled.

"Are you inviting me to live here?" Anders asked dumbfounded.

"Yup. And you will even have your private entrance through the cellars, thanks to that key." Hawke smirked with satisfaction. He was almost glowing with pride for having come up with the idea.

"I-I don't know what to say... Thank you... but what does Leandra say to this?" Anders asked hesitantly.

"You are practically family Anders. Especially after what happened with Carver. I owe you my brother's life, not to mention my own several times over. If you end up in the Gallows, I'll be in trouble." Hawke smirked.

"You are **always** in trouble!" Anders chuckled.

"**Exactly!**" Hawke grinned.

"Does Leila know?" Anders asked with a suspicious glare.

"Nope, that is out of my jurisdiction. Now let's go in and see if we can finally overwhelm that warden appetite." Hawke grinned, patted Anders on the back and walked into the dining room.

Orana was sitting in the corner playing the lute beautifully and the table was filled with all kinds of delicacies. Anders walked over and sat next to Leila who had saved him a seat. As she smiled brightly at him, he kissed her lips softly, but thoroughly. Anders couldn't help but smile with satisfaction, as he heard Fenris grunt with disgust. He knew the elf had been smitten with her, but it never seemed to be more than that. He knew that, when he pulled away he was smiling like a fool, but it didn't matter.

"Aaaww, you two are so sweet!" Merrill cooed and Leila chuckled.

"So how long has this been going on?" Aveline asked with a small smile.

"A little over a month." Leila replied casually.

"**A month?!** Hawke! I want my fifty silvers back plus fifty extra!" Aveline growled across the table, but Hawke just laughed heartily.

"You can't blame me for trying." He chuckled and cast a sovereign in her direction.

"Oh, yes I can. You always were a scoundrel." Aveline grumbled, but as Donnic gave her a small kiss on her cheek her expression softened.

"So you are with the apostate boy? You really could be Leandra's daughter!" Gamlen scoffed and Anders gave him a scowl, but it faded when Leila gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"Yes, she could and I would be very proud to have her as my daughter." Leandra said warmly. Leila got up from her chair and hugged her.

"So, before I forget to ask. Does he give you the fulfilment you need?" Isabella asked with a smirk and all Hawke's companions laughed. Leila tried to laugh it off, but was saved by Anders who took her hand dragged her to the living room and began dancing with her. They were soon joined by Hawke who was dancing with Leandra, Donnic with Aveline and Isabella who was teaching Merill.

"Where did you learn to dance anyway?" Leila asked with a smile.

"The circle. Mages are sometimes asked to perform at different functions. This requires that you are able to present yourself in, what is considered good company. My mentor was an old healer named Wynne, she was very adamant about teaching me these things." Anders explained.

"And you were eager and willing to learn, like a good little boy?" Leila teased and Anders chuckled.

"Well, it did have its benefits. Like impressing beautiful women." He smiled twirling her and bending her backwards to make his point. She giggled.

"You never had to do things like this to impress me. Not that it would have worked." She replied.

"Apparently not. I still don't understand, what in void you are doing with me." He chuckled.

"I have three turn ons. Kind heart, check. Good sense of humour, check. Stubble or beard, check." She smiled up at him and he laughed.

"What about you?" She smiled.

"I never had a list like that. Though, I once told my commander that only wanted three things in life. A pretty girl, a descent meal and the right to shoot lightning at fools. So far I have two out of three." He smiled and twirled her again.

"Well, you could always shoot at Garrett." She suggested with a smile and he chuckled.  
He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her tenderly. It was first, when he pulled away that either of them realized that Sebastian had arrived and was starring at them. His expression was unreadable and his face was almost pale. The prince quickly composed himself and greeted them all in a friendly manner. He did however avoid Leila at first. When they did eventually talk, it was nothing more than pleasant small talk. Anders eventually pulled her to the dance floor once more to avoid the awkwardness.

"He is upset with me." She stated.

"He is in love with you." Anders replied a little sadly and she looked up at with a soft smile.

"No he isn't. He wants to save me, that's not the same. If he loves me at all, then it is a picture he has created of how I could be. Nothing more." She replied.

"Is it so hard for you to believe that someone could love you?" He asked with a small smile.

"No. You love me, of that I'm sure. But look at him. He might be surprised, but if he was truly hurt he wouldn't be able to be in the same room as us. Would you if I was with another?" She asked seriously.

"No. I would probably storm the Gallows or get myself a heard of cats." He replied and they both chuckled.

"I love you." She said with a smile leaning her head into his chest. He kissed her on the top of her head and led her upstairs were they could look down on the others. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief with a bow. He took her hand and placed it in her hand.

"This is your gift. It's not much, so don't expect something grand." He said with a sad smile. She shook her head, thinking him silly, and kissed him. When she opened it there was a necklace inside. The pendant was a wooden cut orchid that had been painted and was on a black leather string. She put her hand to her mouth.

"Anders, it's beautiful!" She smiled.

"You really like it?" He asked with a little disbelief.

"I absolutely love it! Thank you so much." She replied and gave him a deep kiss. He had been hesitant about giving it to her. He knew she had much finer and valuable jewellery already. He wanted to give her something beautiful, but he didn't have that kind of coin and he often gave all he had away. One of the refugees had carved it for him, but he had painted and assembled it himself. She removed the gold necklace she was wearing and made him help her put his gift on.

"I know it's not..." He began, but she put her fingers to his lips, where he kissed them.

"It is the most precious thing I own... Are you staying here tonight?" She asked wrapping her arms around his waist and looked at him with a hopeful expression.

"If you would like me too. Actually, how would you like having me here? Living with you?" He asked softly and she smiled brightly.

"I would love too, but its Garrett's..." She tried, but he kissed her to silence her.

"Garrett was kind enough to offer me to move in earlier. I just wanted to make sure you wanted me to." He smiled.

"Of course I do. This is perfect. Come, I want to give you your gift." She took his hand and let him down stairs to the servant's entrance. There in a wooden box in a blanket was two kittens, one a blue tabby and the other brow with white paws.

"The tabby is yours and the brown is Merrill's." She explained and Anders eyes lit up. He held her face in his hands and gave her a heated kiss, before kneeling down and stroking the kittens.

"They are adorable! Thank you so much, love... Are you sure Merrill will be able to take care of a cat?" He asked looking up at her with a slight frown.

"She is not irresponsible. But I was going to suggest hers should stay here for a while. So they could keep each other company." She replied kneeling down next to him.

"So... what to call you, my little friend?" Anders mused stroking the little creature.

"How about Ser Purrcival?" Leila chuckled and Anders laughed.

"You have been thinking about that one, haven't you?" He smiled.

"For hours! It's absolutely embarrassing how long it took me." She laughed and Anders chuckled, as he gave her a kiss.

"Ser Purrcival it is. Let them sleep and we can go back to the others." He smiled taking her hand.

Back in the living room Garrett had convinced Merrill to dance with him. He was trying very patiently to teach her, but it looked very awkward. Merrill kept apologizing and at one point Garrett gave up. He lifted her a little and placed her feet on his, thanking the Maker she didn't wear shoes, and danced with her like that. Merrill giggled at this.

"You always find ways of making things better? How do you do that?" She smiled.

"I'm clever, inventive and have a cunning wit. Not to mention ruggedly handsome." Garrett smirked.

"You are... not that I think you are handsome... though you are... I'll just shut up now." She said with that adoring shyness.

"I don't want you to be quiet. I always want to hear what you have to say." He said in earnest.

"You do?" She smiled brightly.

"Yes, you are one of the few people who don't brood. " He quirked a smile.

"Hawke, there is something I want to ask you." She said shyly and he swallowed.

"Yes, Merrill?" He replied in a low voice.

His heart was beating out of control, his breaths were deep and gave him a trembling sensation. His palms felt sweaty and all he wanted to do was lean forward and finally claim her. Even as this tiny creature was in his arms, he wanted her closer. He wanted his body to complete surround her petite frame and keep her shielded for eternity. No demon or templar would be allowed to touch her. She was his to protect and love. If he was allowed to love her, he would make sure that she would no longer be haunted by the exile from her clan. His heart was begging her to say the words that he was to afraid to utter himself. Those words that had been implied times beyond counting, but she had neglected to hear. The words that were ringing in his mind and drowning out all sounds in the room. Only a few seconds had pasted and the suspense was already killing him.

"I need your help. My mirror isn't working and I need help to fix it." She said in a friendly, but pleading voice.

"Oh, Merrill, I..." Then what she had actually said dawned on him. This had nothing to do with their feelings at all. Momentarily shaken and disappointed he composed himself.

"Sure, if that's what you want." He said without any sarcastic or snide remark, which was so unlike him.

"Ma serannas... " She asked with relief.

"No need to thank me. Hawke is always to the rescue. Especially, when damsels in distress are involved." He replied sarcastically puffing up his chest, while making a heroic pose and Merrill began to giggle.

"We are going to the Hanged Man, are you two coming?" Varric asked.

"Sure." Hawke replied and with deep regret let go of Merrill.

"What about you, Blondie? You and Sunshine coming?" Varric asked Anders, who looked around. Leila was nowhere to be seen. It was odd that he hadn't noticed she had disappeared.

"I'm not sure. Why don't you go ahead and maybe we will join you later?" Anders replied.  
As the other walked out the door, Leandra walked up to Anders and gave him a fond smile.

"Thank you, for agreeing to letting me live here. It was very kind of you." Anders smiled.

"Not at all. Garrett sees you quite as a brother and Leila is like a daughter to me. Your place is here. With family... She is upstairs. This is her first saturnalia away from home and without her family." Leandra said softly. Anders rubbed his forehead and cursed himself.

"Of course... I should have realised. Did she say anything to you?" He asked.

"No, she wandered off, when no one would notice. I checked on her a few minutes ago, but I know she doesn't want me to worry. She is such a sweet girl." Leandra replied fondly.

"Alright, thank you. I'll go and get something in my clinic and I'll be right back." He replied and walked towards the cellar door.

When he returned the servants had gone to bed and Leandra and Gamlen sat in the library talking. After announcing that he had returned, he walked upstairs and opened the door to her... their bedroom. She was lying on her bed with silent tears falling from her eyes, hugging Ebony tightly and one of her odd devices in her hand. Anders walked in and closed the door. She sat up quickly and dried her eyes, hoping he hadn't noticed, before giving him a smile.

"Am I missed?" She smiled. Anders walked over to the bed and sat down next to her, before placing his satchel on the floor.

"You don't have to hide from me, love. You know I will understand." He said softly and embraced her. She let out a trembled breath. She pulled back from the embrace and he stroked her hair and cheeks fondly with both hands. He then reached into the satchel and pulled out a pillow and handed it to her. She studied it closely and ran her fingers over the embroidery.

"It's beautiful." She said in a low voice.

"My mother made it. It was the only thing of hers they let me keep, when I went to the circle. This is the only thing I have left of my life before. If anyone can understand your pain, I can. You are not alone love. Neither of us are." He smiled kindly and she returned it. She sniffled and picked up the device and removed the back.

"Would you cast a small amount of electricity into it?" She asked and he smiled and did as she asked.

He had only seen the device once before and it still baffled him. The way the small square of glass lit up and how her touch changed how it looked and seemed to be moving things around. She said it wasn't magic and he could feel that it wasn't, but it sure looked like it. She told Ebony to go to his basket and she rested against the headboard. She gestured Anders to sit next to her and he removed his boots, before climbing into bed with her. He rested against the headboard as well and put his arm around her. She leaned up against him and turned to they could both see the device.

"This might seem a little odd to you, so I'll try to explain. This device can remember what it sees in a sense. It can then show you the things it remembered... I don't know how else to explain it." She sighed and he kissed her.

"You explained it just fine. What did you want to show me?" He asked softly and the picture on the device changed. He could hear voices coming from it and see a woman moving on it. He had seen this woman in the fade once. After Leila had first arrived. The woman was smiling, but looked very sickly. She was pale, dangerously thin and was wearing a scarf to hide the fact that she had no hair. Anders had never seen anyone look sick like this before, unless they were in the last stages of the blight corruption. He then saw Leila in the picture as well. She was smiling and carrying a beautifully decorated cake with candles. He noticed Leila suddenly sobbed and he put both arms around her holding her tight.

"This was my mother's last birthday. This is all I have of her. One day even your magic won't be able to make this cell phone work anymore and that will be gone as well." She began crying and burrowed her face in his chest. He kept whispering soothing words and kissing her hair over and over. He wondered if she had ever allowed herself to mourn her mother's passing. For a moment he considered if he should avoid talking about it or ask questions, so she could get everything out of her chest. He decided on the latter.

"What did she die from? I have never seen a disease like that." He asked softly and she pulled away drying her eyes.

"We call it cancer. It's these knots that form in your body and spread through your muscles and organs." She explained reaching for a handkerchief.

"I know of it. It takes a lot of mana to heal and only a very skilled healer can do it, but I have never seen it have such an effect on the body. She looked almost... dead." He replied carefully observing her reaction.

"That's because of the... poison, I suppose it is, they used to treat her."

"Poison? The woman was sick and they poisoned her?" Anders asked a little horrified.

"Since we don't have magic, we needed to find other treatments. The poison can often make the knots disappear. The body gets very weak and sick, but it can recover from it. If it's not too late." She said in a low voice. Anders pulled her closer and held her, as he kept stroking her back.

"I tried to heal her... I knew that I couldn't, but I had to try. I imagined my life energy was transferred to hers and made it go away. I couldn't save her. You could have saved her. You and other mages could save so many people, but the lust for power and fear dominate everything. I'm so sorry." She said quietly.

"Shhhh love... It's not your fault any of it... You have nothing to feel sorry for." He soothed.

"I feel so useless." She relied with a trembled breath.

"You are anything but useless. You are kind, wise, resourceful and you are so much stronger than anyone realise. Sweet Andraste, I wish there were more people like you." He breathed lovingly.

To his surprise she got up and straddled him, placing her hands behind his neck and kissed him deeply. He returned the kiss eagerly. He would give her whatever she needed and love her in any way she wanted him too. He let his hands slide under her dress and up her thighs. Her skin was so smooth and her muscles so soft, that he felt his hands melt into her. How he wish that he could melt with her completely. As his tongue started to gently massage hers, she let out a moan and her entire body pressed against his. Her breast pressed up against him and he felt her hips moving against his incarcerated arousal, in sync with the kisses. Every movement she made was made with love and affection. There was a completely different tenderness to it, than the meaningless sex, burrowed in his past. Quick thrusts and the ability to make your partner reach their ends first, was his legacy thus far. Making his partners cry out in heated passion, as a signal for him to take what he wanted. Leila was nothing like that. When with her he didn't long for his end, but almost dreaded its coming. She moved her hands down and opened his trousers and he pushed her underwear out of the way. He had been with many women over the years and even a man, but this was so different. No one felt like she did or tasted as she did. She was as addictive as lyrium and her mere presence made his blood sing. When he merged with Justice, it felt as if a part of his soul had been destroyed. As if both he and Justice had been shattered and the remaining pieces had formed this new person. A person who had killed almost a dozen templars and wardens with his bare hands. A person completely at the mercy of his own rage and despair. He was every templar's worst nightmare and an example of everything the chantry feared. Yet, by some strange twist of fate, his unspoken prayers had been answered. He had been granted the right to love a creature so rare, that she needed to be brought to him from a different world. And she loved him in return. So long had he been told that he was not worthy of love or that he could not afford it. But as she was making love to him, these preconceptions crumbled. He became convinced that he could not afford not to love her. That it was unworthy of him not to love her. Why she had decided to love him of people, he had no idea, but he would never deny her any affection she might crave from him. As she moved, he kissed away her tears until he finally exploded within her. She smiled and kissed him, before he pulled her close and hugged her, while burrowing his face in the crook of her neck. He was convinced that no one, but someone this good, forgiving and compassionate, could love him... love them.


	28. Chapter 28 For those we love

For those we love

It had now been over a year since Leila arrived in Thedas. Though she missed many luxuries from her world, she decided to focus in the things she had gained. She had gained a brother, a mother, more friends that she had ever had before and someone who loved her with all his soul. In spite of it all, Leila considered herself lucky and loved. It had been many years since she had considered herself both. Lately she and Hawke had been invited to a lot more noble parties. Especially the Viscount had made sure that they were always on the invitation list. This was probably were the rumours about her marrying Seamus came from. In order to do as much for the refugees, elves and mages as possible, she dutifully showed up at these, on almost every occasion, tedious parties. She noticed that she was starting to get cornered by people wanting her opinion on various subjects. Some showed fascination and others contempt, but she highly suspected the reason for this was because of her "relation" to the viscount. Never the less the issues were debated and it had also attracted the attention of a lot of young men. This in return made the silly young women of Hightown suddenly interested in politics, in the hopes of stealing some of this attention. As far as Leila was concerned, they were welcome to it. So almost every night this week, when Anders came home from the clinic, she was putting on a fine dress ready to waltz out the door. Leaving Anders alone knowing of her admires that would try to court her during the evening and wait for her to return to his arms.

Today however Leila was waiting for both him and Hawke. They were to get the Dalish tool for Merrill and Leila was anxious to know how it went. To be honest something about that mirror terrified her. She finally heard the door open and Hawke came with inside with Varric behind him. Hawke gave her one glance and looked absolutely defeated. He walked passed her without saying a word and walked into his bedroom locking the door. They heard a frustrated cry. Leila looked at Varric, who looked almost as sad.

"Varric, what happened?" She asked concerned.

"What about we sit down? I won't say no to a stiff drink." Varric replied with a heavy sigh.

"My whisky is your whisky." She smiled and they walked into the study and sat down.

"Alright Sunshine... where to start this tale. Well, Merrill has been trying to fix that mirrors of hers for ages. To do it she needed this thing from the Dalish. Before we had even left, Blondie warned Hawke that this mirror was dangerous."

"Well, it wouldn't have been like him to keep his mouth shut." Leila winked with a smile and Varric chuckled.

"Then we got to the Dalish and we were asked to do a task in order to get this thing. Everything just went to the deeproads after that. First we run into one of Daisy's clan members. He got so terrified of Daisy, he ran into this huge beast. It looked like it was half crab half dragon. We killed it and Daisy of course went to the boy, but it was too late for Blondie to heal him. The poor kid died. We then got back and the keeper decided to give the tool to Hawke. Anders cautioned Hawke not to give it to Daisy. Hawke asked Daisy about the bloodmagic and she told him that she had begun using it to cleanse the mirror or something." Varric sighed and took a gulp of his drink.

"What happened then?" Leila asked, having a feeling to where this was heading.

"Hawke refused to give it to her, to protect her. Daisy got furious and refused to talk to him the whole way back. He walked after her home, but she slammed the door in his face. He must have waited outside that door for over an hour, but she didn't open." Varric sighed heavily.

Leila rubbed her face. She understood each side. Hawke wanted to protect her and Leila honestly believed the mirror was dangerous. On the other hand Merrill had trusted him to give the tool to her. She had trusted someone she cared deeply for and he had betrayed that trust. Bringing Anders along had probably not made it better. As much as she loved him, he was somewhat lacking in diplomacy and had tendency to lecture. Especially Merrill.

"What a mess..." Leila sighed.

"Sure is." Varric agreed.

"I think I'm going to visit Merrill. She could probably use a friend right now. Anders went to the clinic right?" She said as she stood up.

"Yes. He went directly when we got back. I'll follow you to the Hanged Man."

"Varric... was Anders hard on Merrill?"

-OOO-

Anders was feeling alright today. Hawke had for once listened to his advice and after what happened in the fade it was comforting to see that trust in each other restored. He did however feel sorry that he could not do anything Pol. Except for a few cases of the cold, the clinic was pretty quiet today and he looked forward to going home. Seeing Leila walk out the door night after night looking as beautiful as a goddess and knowing that she would be dancing, talking and admired by every man there, made him almost sick with jealousy. But each night it was calmed by her returning and kissing him deeply. He took comfort in the fact that all the noble men in Hightown might see her in those dresses, but he was the only one to see her out of them. As if his thoughts summoned her, she appeared in the door. Though, not exactly as he had imagined her. Her eyes were full of the ice cold fury, that could freeze any man in place and they were directed at him.

"Love, what is the matter?" He asked concerned, but as her eyes narrow in on him and she walked with determined steps towards him. This little woman was more terrifying than a demon, but Anders was not easily intimidated.

"You bloody, arrogant, self-righteous arse!" She growled and Anders crossed his arms in offense.

"May I ask what I have done to deserve this?" He asked coldly.

"Merrill had just lost one of her clan. Someone she had once considered family and you ridiculed, mocked and diminished her!" She accused in a low angry voice, with those normally warm kind eyes, turning cold and almost unforgiving.

"She is a **bloodmage!** What would have me say? "Go ahead Merrill, I think it's a great idea that you turn into an abomination."." He replied with angry sarcasm.

"Don't change the subject. This is about **your** behaviour, not Merrill's poor choices. You do not have to approve of her choices, but to mock her in her grief, is so far below you. Tell me, you are a kind and good man, so why is it that you choose to behave like an arrogant idiot?" She enquired sternly.

"So now I'm an **idiot**?!" He roared back.

"I said you **behaved** like one, not that you were one. You chose to behave like this and you have still to give me answer to why. You would think that after all the crap that Fenris spits at you, that you would not treat others just as cruelly." She replied almost calmly and this time it was worse than anger. This time it was with disappointment in her voice. Nothing could have deflated him more, than seeing her disappointed at him. Those eyes almost pleading for him to say, that what she had heard was not true. He swallowed as guilt started penetrating his anger.

"I-I'm sorry... I-" He began.

"I am not the one you owe an apology... I'm not sure when I will be home. Love you." She sighed and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek, before she walked away without giving him the opportunity to answer.

Anders rested against the table and looked into the ground. He had never seen her so disappointed before. Angry sure, but disappointed... almost hurt even? Never. He felt like a child who had just been reprimanded. For once he had not been scolded or corrected for being a mage or an abomination. He had been scolded for being inconsiderate... his human flaw. She was right. He had been no better than Fenris. It was almost strange for him to be corrected for flaws, which were not in relation to his magic. How was it that even as she was correcting him and he wanted nothing more than to be angry at her, she was still soft and loving? How could her eyes and words be like piercing ice, while her touch was still comforting and warm? It made it absolutely impossible for him to give into his anger. He touched his cheek and almost smiled at it. She had been furious with him and still she had kissed him and told him she loved him.

-OOO-

Leila stood outside the door and knocked.

"Go away Hawke." Merrill's voice said angrily.

"Merrill, it's Leila. I thought you might need someone to talk too." She replied softly.

Merrill opened the door and it was obvious that she had been crying. Leila walked inside and put down her basket and hugged Merrill. Merrill burrowed her face in Leila's shoulder and cried. So many things about this had to be hurting her. She cared so much about Hawke and had thought that he of all people would understand. He was also a bloodmage, who had made questionable decisions to achieve a goal. Yet he had taken something that rightfully belonged to her, something she had worked up the courage to ask for. She had lost something she hoped for, betrayed by the one she cared for and mocked by another right after losing a clan member. It knocked on the door and Isabella came in as well.

"Isabella." Merrill said with a little smile.

"Hello Kitten. Leila told me about what happened and we decided to cheer you up." Isabella smiled and hugged Merrill.

Leila picked up the basket and went to the table.

"I brought comfort food; Chocolate, fresh fruit and white wine." Leila smiled and put it on the table.

"And I brought the spirits!" Isabella smiled and held up a bottle.

They sat around the table and after three hours they were all highly intoxicated. Leila took a piece of chocolate and threw it into the air and caught it in her mouth. She raised her arms in victory, while Isabella cheered and Merrill giggled.

"Did you know that your brain reacts to chocolate as it does sex?" Leila said with a grin, as she rested her legs on the table and leaned back into the chair, while studying another piece.

"Really?" Merrill asked with widened eyes.

"It does **not!**" Isabella countered.

"Does so. If you eat enough of the stuff your brain thinks you're having sex." Leila giggled.

"So by the way you have been munching, I guess Anders isn't fulfilling your needs?" Isabella teased and Leila picked up a grape and threw it at her head.

"Oooh, I think I hit a sore spot." Isabella teased and Leila groaned dismissively.

"So you Anders and Justice... that must be exiting. As they say two is company but three is better."

"There are still only two bodies." Leila remarked indifferently.

"Oh, you don't like his spear of righteousness then? Or perhaps he thinks you are too good of a person and isn't willing to **smite** you." Isabella cooed.

"Perhaps I am the one who enjoys too **smite**." Leila gave a smirk and Isabella laughed.

"I do like it, when you talk dirty." She replied.

"You don't really smite him? Do you?" Merrill asked.

"No... I think Anders had enough of that for a lifetime." Leila sighed, as she was reminded of the scar on his back.

"He seems a lot happier... it suits him." Merrill replied with a small smile.

"I'll say. That brooding routine doesn't work on him as it does on Fenris. Did he show you his electricity thing?" Isabella asked and laughed, as Leila gave nothing but a sheepish smile as her reply.

"You know, Hawke does this thing where he..."

"Isabella..." Leila cautioned and Merrill's face turned pale.

"Oh, I'm sorry Kitten. I didn't mean to upset you." Isabella said softly.

"It's alright... It's just... I thought... but perhaps I was just being foolish." Merrill sighed and Leila reached for her hand.

"No. He cares for you very much. I know it doesn't seem that way, but it is because he cares so much that he has become... overly protective." Leila explained, but kept out the part about her agreeing with his decision.

"If he cared, he should trust..." Merrill began, but it knocked on the door. She looked to Leila with an unspoken question and Leila nodded walking towards the door and opened it.

"Anders?" She said astonished, as he was standing outside the door looking down at her.

"Hello love." He smiled.

"I am not coming home tonight." She replied casually. She had expected him to be offended because of this afternoon, but there he was smiling sweetly at her.

"I figured as much. Actually, I came to see Merrill." He explained and Leila's eyes widened. She eyed him suspiciously, but he pulled her close and gave her a soft kiss.

"I'll be good. I promise." He whispered against her lips and she turned to get Merrill.  
Merrill and Anders talked for a few minutes outside and he left, leaving Merrill with a somewhat surprised expression. She walked back to the table and sat down.

"What did the bastard say? Sorry, Leila." Isabella began.

"That's alright. Today he did behave like a bastard." Leila replied without offense.

"He... apologized... I have never heard him apologize before... not to me at least... not for the accusations about the bloodmagic, but he did apologize for his scolding today." Merrill said wide eyed and Isabella looked at Leila with a grin.

"What did you do? Tell him no sex for a month?" She laughed.

"No." Leila replied simply a little stunned. She had never expected him actually listen to her. She had believed him to stubborn, but apparently she had been wrong.

"So, back to interesting matters. Did you play the naughty mage and desire demon?" Isabella enquired.

"Alright, that's it. I'm going to bed. I have had enough prodding for one day." Leila groaned and got up from the table.

-OOO-

Leila awoke by a noise. A whisper. She sat up from her bedroll and saw that Merrill was fast asleep in her bed. She kept hearing whispered screams and looked towards the mirror. The surface of it was glowing and Leila felt a chill run down her spine. She was about to wake Merrill, but then she heard Anders' voice coming from it.

"The circle is an injustice in many places beyond Kirkwall. The world needs to see."

She felt herself entranced by the mirror as she heard Anders' voice. She stepped closer to it and saw the surface moving like a pool of water.

"People fear what we can do. But to use that fear to bludgeon us into submission is wrong! And they do it with our blessing! And if I pay for that with my life, then I pay."

Those words sent and ache to her heart. The words of him willingly offering to sacrifice his own life, making her shudder. She had never known fear like this, but she needed to know. The frame of the mirror was glowing and the former broken glass seemed to come together, in this pool of purple liquid. A black cloud seemed to be oozing from it and suddenly surrounded her. She tried to move and to scream, but her body did not heed the commands of her mind. For a moment everything was dark and she felt something take her hand. A skeleton hand. She should be scared out of her wits, but this seemed familiar and even comforting somehow. When the mist disappeared she found herself standing on an island, surrounded by a black sea. It was dark as if she was underground and a fogy mist came from the dark water. On the island was an old, long since dead and withered tree. From it hang lanterns with a blue flame. She felt cold and her heart was filled with sorrow, but she did not feel afraid. She turned and saw Anders. He was dressed in a black coat and his eyes were filled with despair, pain and regret. She was about to go to him, when three arrows came through the air and went directly for his chest. Leila ran towards him and gathered him in his arms. Her heart was being torn and even breathing was painful. Life had left his eyes and blood was dripping him from his lips. She could feel the warm liquid oozing from his wounds and soaking her clothes. She turned to look at the attacker and saw Sebastian's back disappearing into the mist.

"No, love. You can't be dead! Wake up!" She begged and kept her tears from falling. She refused to believe that he was dead.

"**Anders, wake up God damn it!**" She scolded.

"You always choose the difficult paths, my little soul." She heard and old familiar voice say.

Death appeared before her and looked down at her. Even as you could not see his face, he seemed compassionate and even mournful. He shook his head and made a pained sigh looking down at Anders.

"Can't you prevent this?" She asked looking up at him.

"If I do, this will be his path instead." Death replied.

The Anders in her arms disappeared and the blood she was covered in vanished. Death stepped aside and Anders was sitting on a crate. Leila ran to him and kneeled before him and kissed him deeply. She pulled away stroking his check, but his eyes were still filled with mourning and regret. He gave her a sad smile.

"Don't be afraid, love. Thank you. It was nice to be happy for a while." And with those words life left his eyes and he fell forward into her arms with a dagger in his back. Leila looked at Death horrified.

"Always the difficult path." He said mournfully shaking his head.

"**NO!** You have already taken so many I love from me. You **can't** have him!" She cried and tears fell from her eyes. The death of her grandparents in a car crash, when she was just a child, pained her. The death of her baby sister, who drowned at the age of five, haunted her. Her mother's prolonged illness and the agonizing pain of her death, broke her. She looked down and Anders body, who had already turned cold in her arms. She kissed his frozen lips and felt Deaths hand on her shoulder.

"My little soul. So many lives and still you choose the painful ones. You force your soul to grow through suffering." He said in a low voice. Leila looked up at him and dried her tears.

"I **won't** let you have him. Not until he is old and ready to leave." She said with determination.

"Two curses run through his body. Justice will be the cause of these two deaths and if he is removed..." Death replied and Anders changed in her arms. A few years older, but still not old. His eyes were grey and his veins had become black, shining through his white/grey skin. He began twisting in agony and crying out in pain, while Leila held him. She kept kissing his forehead amd whipering comforting and soothing words to him. Tears fell uncontrolled from her eyes, as Anders made one last agonizing cry, before going limb in her arms.

"There is no current path that can save him, little soul." Death whispered softly.

Leila felt her heart break and felt like she was on the edge of despair. She dried her tears and determination replaced her fear. Anders disappeared and she stood up to face Death. She looked at the tall figure towering her. Death was painful, but she did not fear it. Not for herself.

"Then make a new path." She demanded.

"You do not know what you ask, little soul." Death shook his head.

"You have taken everything from me. Every life I cared for you and I begged for you not to. When I begged for you to take mine, you ignored me. Even as I was left dying by my own hand, you refused to take me. You made a deal with Hawke for his dead sister and I take I was her in a previous life?"

"Indeed, but each lifetime shapes you differently... I pulled your soul trough space and time... Not an easy task and not one easily balanced by the universe." Death sighed.

"But you have not taken Anders yet. Give me a path that does not lead to this!" She demanded.

"You don't understand... to spare his life balance must be kept. The price for his, is more than the price Garrett Hawke still owes." Death explained.

Leila looked at him with determination and she could feel the love she felt for each of those she had lost. For a moment no despair and pain was present, only love. She felt Anders, even though he was not there. She closed her eyes and had to smile as she felt herself surrounded by love, gratitude, appreciation, compassion, admiration, adoration and devotion. When she opened her eyes she saw her hands glowing with a golden light. Surprised she looked into the water and saw her reflection. Her entire body was glowing with this golden light. She looked to death and saw herself lighting up the island.

"What is happening?" She asked.

"This life is your last journey little soul. Compassion and love surround you. After this life you will finally have the peace you long for. You will take your rightful place among the spirits. But if I do this. If I spare his life. You will have to live for more lifetimes. And that will only be part of the price." He explained carefully.

Leila looked into the water. Was she close to being a spirit of compassion? Was that the next step in her evolution? Was she this close to ascending?

"Did you never wonder why the spirit of Justice treated you differently?" Death reminded her.

Justice saw her as his equal? As a benevolent being of compassion? An embodiment of a human virtue? Could she possibly be close to becoming a spirit, in only one short lifetime and death away? She wanted it. She felt tired and old since she was a child. Even as she was still this young, she felt like an old woman waiting for her life to end. Going to bed at night hoping for eternal sleep to finally claim her. As a spirit of compassion she could do so much good. But a spirit of compassion would not sacrifice another's life for her own personal gain. She turned to Death.

"Give me a path that will spare him. Perhaps I need more lifetimes to learn to appreciate life, before I will be worthy of a place among the spirits." She smiled and Death chuckled kindly.

"You always amaze me little soul. It seems I will have to wait a little longer for you company, my child." He said fondly and rested his forehead to hers.

"Remember I give you the path, but you must choose to follow this life bring you happiness." He whispered fondly and the white fog surrounded her.

-OOO-

Leila awoke in her bedroll and looked towards the Eluvianne. It looked as it had done before. Broken and incomplete. No reflection and moving surface. Yet in her mind she did not doubt that it had been real. The memories of Anders' dead body in her arms were haunting her and yet she did not doubt that Death would keep his word. She knew part of the price. She gave up on eternal peace for one lifetime of love. How many more lives she would have to live, she had no idea. But in the past two months she had been happier, than she had felt in what seemed like several lifetimes. She found herself wondering, if she had prevented these three deaths, how would he die instead?


	29. Chapter 29 Uncontrolled

Uncontrolled

He ran into his clinic and closed the door behind him. He locked it. His heart was pounding, his lungs burning from his rapid breathing and he was barely able to look out his eyes from the tears. Everything people had called him was true. He was an abomination. A monster and demon of uncontrolled fury and vengeance. He looked around the room. He saw a robe on the bucket he used, when he needed to get water. For a moment he imagined himself being tied up in that rope. Unable to move and unable to harm anyone. He was a danger to everyone around him, no one more so than his friends and the woman he loved. He gave a strangled and painful laugh at the irony. He had finally allowed himself to love and now she might die by the hands of his inner demon. His hands. He had told her it would kill him to lose her. Never had he thought he could be the one responsible for her death. He could not bear it. His gaze turned to the rope again. He could end it all and make sure he was never a danger to anyone else ever again. The face of that poor girl was still haunting his mind. He walked towards the bucket and removed the robe. He looked towards the ceiling saw the beam crossing the room. He took a chair and threw the rope over the beam. He tied the end of the robe around one of the pillars. He stood up on the chair and tied the noose. He had to constantly dry his eyes, as he could hardly see because of all his tears.

_"Did you know most mages die by their own hands?"_ He had told her.

He gave a painful chuckle, as he looked at the robe. He had never thought that he would die like this. He had always assumed he would die by the hands of a templar. Making a stand for mages, not giving into one of the most common ways to die. He remembered his harrowing. Because of his lustful nature many believed that he would fall. Other claimed it would be his temper. There were even bets among the templars, who had taken a particular disliking to him, if he would turn into a desire or rage abomination. Yet, when he entered the fade and was faced with both he had no trouble. He knew the difference between lust and love. He knew what the desire demon offered him, would only be a shadow of what his heart truly craved. So without consideration he had turned the demon down. The rage demon had no better luck. He had learned to conceal his rage underneath his humour and did not give into provocation. When he awoke the templar, who had volunteered to strike him down, had spat at him. The apprentices had been surprised. No one realized how strong he truly was, besides Wynne perhaps. Not until the wardens and Elissa. There he was first recognized for his strength and power. His magic was seen as a gift and not a curse. He had found hope. Now he looked at himself and realized he had given in. He had not offered himself to a demon. He had done something far worse. He had created one. Taken a noble being and forced it to dissent.

_"It was very noble of you, to help Justice." She smiled sadly._

"Noble?... Perhaps it was meant that way, but now... I can't control him when I lose myself in anger. I don't know until after what I might have done. You saw the way Hawke looked at me. He believes that I am an abomination and sometimes... I fear he might be right." He confessed sadly.

"Losing yourself when you are desperate and forced into a corner doesn't sound very demonic... It sounds very human actually." She replied.

He gave a muffled sob into his hand. Only someone as good as her, would look at him and not see a monster. Only she would consider him human. She had called Justice an angel. Something pure, good and virtuous, but there was nothing virtuous about what happened in the Gallows. He could feel Justice's emotions. The fondness he held for her. She did not treat him as a demon, but as a person. She had convinced them both that they were worthy of her affections. There was no doubt in their shared mind that she would look past this. She would forgive them, but would she still be able to love them? The noose was complete and he put it around his neck. He considered leaving a note, but it would be unnecessary. Hawke knew and he would tell her. Rather that she thought that he did not care for her and have her be angry at him, than her mourning his passing. Tears keep flowing from his eyes, but he did no longer bother to dry them. He closed his eyes and thought of her. The last thing that he wanted to remember was her.  
_  
"You are wonderful. The one bright light in Kirkwall, but I have no control around you. If you tie yourself to me I will only hurt you."_

He kicked the chair away from underneath him. His neck did not break, as he had hoped for. He felt the rope tightening around his neck, burning its way through his skin. He gagged and gasped, but didn't struggle. When he felt himself getting lightheaded, Justice took over. The spirit released a fireball and burned the robe. They fell to the ground gasping for air and dragged the burning piece of robe from their neck. As the robe lay burning Justice retreated and Anders gave a cry of agony into the ground.

**"Why Justice?!"** He demanded and Justice flooded his mind with memories.

_"You really don't understand how dangerous I am, do you?"_

"No, that part I got. I just don't believe you are a demon. I believe you're sick." She said calmly.

"Sick?" He raised an eyebrow and could not hide his surprise.

"Yes... and you probably were before you joined with Justice."

"Please do explain this to me." He remarked sarcastically.

"I think you have a depression, Anders." She said softly. 

**"She was wrong Justice! We are a demon!"** He cried.

_"You said it yourself, emotion rules him. Perhaps, if you learned to monitor your thoughts more closely, your emotions would be easier to control." She said softly still caressing his cheek._

"I don't know how." He admitted with a sigh.

"Let me teach you. Try to think of something that makes you feel calm." She replied with a small smile.

"I love you." He said in a low voice, before claiming her lips.

His tears kept flowing from his eyes. How his arms ached to hold her and while thinking of her, he cradled himself. How his mind needed to be soothed by her comforting words. He kept thinking of her and his love for her. He felt it embrace him, as he and Justice picked one pleasant memory after another. The way her body felt, when in his arms. The soft lingering kisses. The adoration in her kind green eyes. The way she twisted and turned words and arguments, bending them to her will and purpose. Her intelligent mind that saw possibilities and options others overlooked. Her compassionate being that sensed everyone else's hardship. Even feeling compassion for those she loathed and whose actions she hated. Her laugh, which was accompanied by her sarcastic remarks. How she could hide herself by a veil of misleading arguments, assumptions and implying things, without giving a clue as to her real feelings. His tears faded and his sobs became lower, as he thought of her and the happiness she gave him.

_"She was never wrong..."_ Justice whispered.

After a few minutes he composed himself enough to stand up. Perhaps he should get out of Kirkwall. Far away to a place, where he couldn't harm anyone. Where he couldn't harm her. He needed to clear his thoughts. He needed to think of something else. Anything but the mage girl in the Gallows. He healed his neck. No one needed to know this. He did not deserve anyone's compassion and he did not want their pity. He turned to his belongings. Those that had yet to be moved to his new, but probably now former, home. He wanted to sort them out before moving them there. He heard someone at the door, but did not bother to open. This was his prison. He should be locked up here, where he would harm no one.

"Varric, will you open it?" He heard Hawke's voice say. He heard the lockpicking tools in the door and it opened.

"Go and get Leila. He needs her." Hawke then instructed in a low voice.  
He could hear a single pair of footsteps walking up behind him. He didn't turn. He kept going through his belongings.

"Trash, trash, keep, trash..."

"Throwing everything out is not going to make you feel better." Hawke remarked in an almost uplifting way. Anders turned and looked at him.

"Should I feel better? You were the only one keeping me from murdering an innocent girl! It's all gone wrong. Justice and I. We are just a monster. The same as any abomination." He sighed hopelessly and the look on Hawke's face was almost one of shock.

"So you are just going to give up? Let the templars win?" Hawke almost laughed with disbelief.

"Maybe they deserve to win. How can I even trust myself to heal anymore? What if that creature of vengeance turns on a patient? Will I resist or will I lose his fury... I could turn on Leila." He breathed, fighting the tears forming in his eyes. Hawke walked forward and held him by the shoulders and looked at him more seriously than ever before.

"You will **never** harm her. You or Justice. You listened to me and the girl is unharmed, well and not tranquil, thanks to you. Leila means a great deal more to you and I have seen how Justice looks at her. Even in his fury, there is no doubt in my mind that her he will always recognize as his friend. And don't you dare quit on me! There is no way making templars miserable will be fun without you!" He smiled and Anders shook his head.  
Hawke handed Anders Ser Alrik's papers. Anders' face lit up as he saw those papers. Meredith, Elthina and the divine had all rejected the idea. The tranquil solution would never have come to pass. The relief he felt was overwhelming. He then saw Leila walking into the clinic. Her eyes saddened, worried and full of compassion.

"I'll better give you two some privacy... I think I am going to go home and make sure we get a decent dinner. We could use that. See you two later." Hawke said with his usual carefree nature and wondered off.

Leila walked closer to Anders with her soft smile and loving eyes.

"Don't come any closer... I don't want to hurt you." He warned, but instead of stopping she took a few hazed steps towards him and embraced him. He should push her away, but he just couldn't and he returned her embrace.

"You should not be here, love. I cannot live with myself if I hurt you." He said pleadingly. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. Gently she dried his tears.

"I trust you not to." She replied and he looked at her and shook his head.

"You have too much faith in me. I am nothing but an abomination and a monster." He replied trying to pull away, but she held him in place.

"Look at me." She replied guiding his head, so that he would look at her. He stroked her cheek fondly.

"I don't see a monster when I look at you. I see someone who has been tormented and depraved for almost two decades. Someone who has to struggle for everything he has and yet he gives it away again so willingly. Despite your rage and your bitterness, you have remained kind, generous and loving. You told me once that you didn't dare to love, but that's not true. For as long as I have known you, you have done nothing else. Your compassion is love. Unconditional love. You might be Justice, but you are also compassion. This was probably what draw Justice too you. He saw you as his equal." She explained softly.

"Why do you always see the best in people?" He asked softly looking down at her with a loving gaze.

"Because I bother to look for it... I love you." She said softly and he pulled her into his embrace hiding his face in the crook of her neck.

"I love you too. I don't deserve you, but you are the only reason I have any sanity left." He breathed. He pulled away and looked down at her.

"I have to find a way to control him... I cannot afford to lose myself to him again." He said seriously.

"I have some money saved up. What do say we get away from awhile? Just you and me. Let me help you and let me teach you what I know." She said softly.

"Where do you want to go?" He smiled, thought his expression was still sad.

"It doesn't matter. You can choose." She replied resting her head on his chest.

"North of here lies Wildervale. There are these beautiful lakes. I have always wanted to see them." He replied kissing her hair.

"Wildervale it is." She smiled and kissed him deeply.

-OOO- two weeks later -OOO-

North of Kirkwall and the Vimmark Mountains is Winderdale. Part of the Freemarches it has two lakes combined by a river. Leila had managed to find a cottage for rent that was isolated, in a forest and only a hundred meters from the lake. Leandra had helped her make the arrangements, as Anders had gone into a deep depression. He was terrified of himself and had completely lost interest in the cause of mages. He was driving himself mad with worry and guilt. Getting out of Kirkwall had helped, but Leila knew that despair was only just one gloomy thought away. They had arrived at the cottage yesterday and after the long journey they had gone straight to bed. Now the morning light was shining through the bedroom window and Leila laid awake just studying Anders' face. He looked so peaceful as he slept. His uneven cut, longish blonde hair was lose and some of it had fallen into his face as he lay on his side facing her. Carefully she reached out and tucked it behind his ear. Even as he slept he looked tired and it pained her to see it. She felt him stirring and close her eyes pretending to sleep. He needed to rest so much and she hoped that if she seemed to be sleeping, he would do so as well.

As he opened his eyes he looked at her lying with her eyes closed. She was pretending to be asleep and undoubtedly for his sake. He couldn't help but smile at this. She did so much for everyone else. In all the time he had known her, she had never done anything for herself. He leaned over and kissed her cheek softly, as his fingers caressed the necklace. She hadn't taken it off since he gave it to her. She could have all the jewellery in the world, but this simple little thing meant more to her than anything else. He got out of bed and walked into the little kitchen. He chuckled again, as he saw the food she had bought for them. All of it was what he liked. He sighed heavily. In a different life they could have lived like this. Isolated from the world and be happy. These two weeks would not be for their amusement alone. Leila had said she wanted to teach him how to get control over his emotions. A task that seemed impossible to him, but he knew that she had found a way to do it. She only gave into them when she chose to. Had she been a mage, there was no doubt in his mind that she would have been extremely powerful. He boiled the water and started preparing everything for breakfast, when Leila came into the kitchen with a sweet smile.

"There is something I want you to do for me." She said with a small smile.

"And that is?" He smiled.

"I want you to think of five things that makes you feel happy and grateful. I want you to remember them and from now on try to make them the first thing, which goes through your mind in the morning and the last at night." She said seriously.

"Alright let's see cats, pie, s..." He began, but she stopped him.

"Not like that. I want you to truly feel the joy it might bring you. You spend so little time giving into those feelings, because you have convinced yourself that you don't deserve them." She explained. He walked over to her and placed his hands on her waist.

"It makes me happy, when I can make you smile." He said while smiling and a bright one formed on her lips. It made his heart flutter and the more she smiled the brighter his own became.

"I am grateful that I am allowed to do this." He said in low voice and kissed her neck, making her sigh instantly. He felt himself smiling against her neck and he could sense warmth going through his system.

"And this." He smiled before kissing her lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck. As he held her close he felt comforted and safe.

"It makes me happy to hear you laugh." He smirked and began tickling her.

"Anders! Stop it!" She laughed and squirmed, as he laughed looking at her. When he finally stopped his attack, he was still chuckling and dried her tears.

"But nothing makes me more happy and grateful, than telling you that I love you." He smiled and as he saw the adoration in her eyes and for once she was left speechless, he felt the extent of his love for her. He pulled her close and began kissing her passionately, as he let all these emotions fill him. His mind kept bringing up all the memories that he loved the most.

"It makes me happy to think of the first time we made love. The feeling of finally having you in my arms, after aching for you for so long." He said as he kissed her down her neck.

"I always smile, when I think about how you made Fenris and Sebastian speechless." He chuckled kissing the other side of her neck.

"What about the time you thought I was a whore? That one is my personal favourite." Leila chuckled and he looked at her with a grin.

"That was **horrible!** I was halfway on my way to borrow money from Varric, just to become one of your customers." He chuckled.

"You were not!" She objected with a grin.

"Oh, yes I was! And I would have gotten my money's worth too." He teased.

"And to think I have been giving it to you for free." She fake pouted, barely suppressing her laugh and he laughed heartily.

The rest of the morning they spend laughing and talking about anything that made them feel happy. The afternoon she spend teaching him how to meditate. Anything that could calm his rage. Not easy since he had absolutely no patience at all. She had a theory that it was because his mind was always exhausted, that he lost control of his emotions. Justice fed of his emotions and they cascaded inside him. If he learned to replace his anger with something else, perhaps this would make a difference. She also had something else in mind. That evening he was lighting the fire, when she came into the small sitting room.

"I never tire of seeing you do that." She said fondly and he smiled at her.

"That's just because you are terrible at lighting fire." He teased.

"True." She smiled and sat down next to him by the fire.

"I have something for you. I know you have the amulet Garrett gave you, but I would like you to wear this." She said softly and pulled out an amulet and handed it to him. It was round made of half black and half white stone. It fitted in the palm of his hand and was in a silver chain.

"It's beautiful, but what is it?" He asked looking at her.

"This symbol is called Yin and Yang, which means shadow and light. It is a symbol of balance and harmony. When one gets stronger than the other we give into despair, because we need both to realise the other exists. You and Justice seem to be in conflict with each other and I want this to be a reminder to you both, that you are equally important. You need to coexist." She said softly.

"I am trying." He said sadly.

"I know and I have faith in you... both. Now one more thing, put it on and I'll show you something." She smiled and he did as she asked.

"Now think of a memory that makes you truly happy. Something that you can't help but smile at, when you think about it. Got it?" She asked with a smile.

"Yes," He replied and a smile formed on his lips.

"Alright I want you to close your eyes, take your right hand and squeeze the necklace as hard as you can, while you think of this memory. Keep doing it until I tell you to let go." She smiled as he sat there, with his eyes closed and a bright smile forming on his lips. After a few long moments she told him to let go.

"What was the point?" He asked with a smirk and she took his hand.

"The nerves in our bodies have memories. When we come in contact with something it triggers memories in us. Like your mother's pillow. The nerves in your hand now remember how this necklace feels. From now on when you hold it tightly and close your eyes, that memory and the feelings related to it, will reappear in your mind. I want you to do this, when you feel yourself giving into despair and hurt." She smiled and stroked his cheek.

"Where did you learn all this?" He smiled.

"Sometimes we learn out of necessity. When someone else is sick you can't afford to be unhappy, so I found ways to learn to control my emotions. And choose the once I want." She smiled and he leaned forward and kissed her.

"You know... I have been thinking about something all day, which would make me very happy." He said huskily and crawled over her pushed her down on her back.

"Really? Anything I can help you with?" She asked coyly, as he lay above her, one hand supporting him while the other explored her curves. He began kissing her neck and grinding his hips against her making her moan.

"A man named Ghandi once said "Happiness is when what we think, what we say and what we do are in harmony"." She pushed him over and straddled him, as he smiled up at her.

"I know that I love you, I'm telling you that I love you and I'm going to show you that I love you." She purred and kissed him hungrily, as he embraced her.


	30. Chapter 30 Blood relation

Blood relation

The house felt empty with Leila and Anders gone. But Garrett hoped that some time out of Kirkwall would help Anders. He felt so bad for his friend. Anders was a good person and did not deserve all the burdens placed on him. Hawke wished that his friend could become carefree once more, but that was unlike ever to happen. Hawke was grateful he had been able to stop Anders from killing that girl or it would undoubtedly have haunted him forever. He also had to admit that there was a certain satisfaction to killing those templars. Especially, that bastard Ser Alrik. He deserved everything he got and more. Anders was right. The templars were out of control and that pathetic excuse for a Grand Cleric was driving him insane. In addition to these worries, the Qunari were recruiting more elves and Hawke couldn't help but feel they were preparing for something. And if that wasn't enough, Merrill still refused to speak to him. She had thrown her out of her house last week. Told him she never wanted to see him again. Not that he blamed her really. He felt like the largest hypocrite in Thedas. A bloodmage, who was trying to prevent another mage from doing bloodmagic. And she did it to accomplish something. He just did it to defy the templars and chantry. His own personal one-man revolution. But after seeing her give into that demon in the fade... The thought of her becoming an abomination was more than he could bear. That was what had terrified him the most about that incident. When she turned on him he saw nothing, but the images of her body being twisted into something monstrous. The only uplifting thing that had happened this week was helping Sebastian confront some Stark Haven noble. Seeing that man succumb to his desires with that elf prostitute still brought a smile to his face. Not to mention Sebastian's expression when it happened. He sighed to himself. This wasn't working. He walked over to his desk and opened the drawer and looked down at the Arulin'Holm. He had kept it wrapped in a red fabric, carefully guarding and protecting something that was so important to her. He picked it up and removed the fabric. It was really quite beautiful. It was old, but very well kept and the wooden handle had eleven words written into it. There was nothing magical about it. It was just a tool, but a rare one.

"Screw it!" He growled and wrapped the dagger carefully again.

He put it in his satchel and walked out of the estate. He found himself almost running through Hightown and down the stairs the Lowtown, nearly knocking a merchants cart over as he passed. His heart was beating with anticipation and hope. For weeks it had been in pain, because he hurt her. He felt himself practically grinning and his speed picked up. The looks he got from the elves, when he arrived at the Alienage, were just as surprised. No wonder. A shem running through the place as if his ass was on fire, while grinning like a fool. When he reached her door he was breathing heavily and knocked on her door almost frantically. She opened her door and her eyes widened.

"Hawke! Has something happened?" She asked concerned while he was gasping for air.

"No, nothing is wrong. I needed to talk to you." He replied still smiling and trying to catch his breath. She frowned but let him enter.

"What do you want, Hawke?" She asked bluntly with resentment and hurt evident in her voice, as she stood with a back turned.

"I'm an ass Merrill. The biggest idiot in the history of Thedas! I swear there are darkspawn running around with more sense than me." He replied with a smile and despite herself she giggled a little. She turned to look at him with sad eyes.

"You can't just... I trusted you... This doesn't make up for it." She replied with a pained expression.

"I know, but I am hoping this will." He reached into the satchel and pulled out the dagger.

She looked at him hesitantly before reaching for it. As if she didn't dare to believe it. She reached for it and went to the table. Carefully she unwrapped it and a hand flew to her mouth as she saw it.

"Ma vehnan! The Arulin'Holm! You are giving it to me?" She asked with disbelief looking at him.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept it in the first place." He replied with sincerity.

"I-I don't know what to say... what made you change your mind?" She replied with surprise still dominating her.

"I realised that you were right. I have no right to interfere with your life or your choices. I wouldn't give up, if someone tried to deny me something and you deserve that same respect. Besides have you ever seen an elf look sad? Those eyes are pure torture... especially yours." He chuckled and a small blush formed on her cheeks.

"Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me." She replied honestly and turned to caress the tool.

He walked up behind her. It still surprised him how small she was. Not just her height, but her slim body and her shy demeanour. This close he could smell her scent. She smelled like nature, flowers and fresh grass with a hint of stream water. It was so peaceful and calm and so easily not to notice. Much like she was. He was so grateful that he did not overlook her. As he stood behind her he felt an urge to remove that scarf around her neck. He would start by kissing her behind her ear, then down her neck and then do the same on the other side. Taste the skin that looked so soft, while taking in her scent.

"Am I crazy?" She asked suddenly and he was drawn from his thoughts.

"Yes, but in a good way." He teased.

He hoped she would turn around, but instead she walked away towards the mirror. She had probably not even noticed how close he had been. He cursed himself. One of these days he was just going to have grab her and kiss her breathless. Perhaps then she would realize how he felt about her.

"Everyone that I care for thinks I'm a monster." She said looking at the mirror.

"It's hard to imagine someone more lovable than you." He smiled and she turned with a blush on her face.

"That's so untrue. I can think of someone." She smiled with a blush and Hawke's heart skipped a beat. She was actually flirting with him. Not just responding awkwardly to his remarks, but she was actually making a pass... at **him!**

"I... You have been so good to me... No one ever understood. Not the keeper. Not my clan. I thought no one did... Until you..." She said softly.

"I'm charming, handsome and supportive, what more could you possible want?" He smiled while puffing up his chest.

"Nothing..." She smiled sweetly and it felt as if Hawke's heart was dancing the remigold. He was a moment away from picking her up and dancing with her through the little house in pure joy. Suddenly she seemed to realize what she had said.

"Oh... not that I'm saying that I want you... You are the first real friend I have ever had. Ma serranes Lethallin." She smiled and Hawke felt his heart deflate complete.

"You are welcome. I think I'll better head home. Sandal has probably blown something up by now." He smiled and walked out the door.

His mind was racing with disbelief as he walked through Lowtown. Friend? After months of flirting and trying to make her comfortable around him, was that all she saw? By the bloody Maker himself! He had **never** been placed in the friend zone! He had always gotten the girl he wanted and had been admired by the poor chumps, who was usually "just friends". **Never** had anyone turned him down. And just after giving him hope? What in the void? He should have just stuck with Isabella. Meaningless and carefree sex. No attachments, no emotions, just fun. He stopped as he passed the Hanged Man. It was still early. She probably hadn't made her daily kill yet. He could just waltz in and drown his sorrows in heated sex. He shrugged carelessly and moved on. If he was that hard up, he could always get a membership at the Rose. He had to laugh at himself, when he thought how he had teased Anders for three years. Told him that he was to serious and he should take more enjoyment in life. He had even tried to drag him to the Rose a couple of times. Of course it ended up with the prostitutes wanting to get healed and Anders got mistaken for being one of them. Garrett had thought that as long he had sex, food and a roof over his head, he could live his carefree existence. Then finally, after watching the effect Leila had on Anders, he had decided that he wanted more. Seeing his friend longing and loving someone, to the point where it consumed him, had made Hawke a little envious. He wanted that, only without the brooding and wanted to jump directly to the happy place. He groaned. He had liked Merrill from the beginning. Were others feared her bloodmagic he had been fascinated by it. But Carver fancied her, so careless Hawke just moved on. Now he had finally allowed himself to care for her and then she called him friend! He needed a drink. By the blighted Void he needed a **lot** of drinks! He walked into the estate and went directly into the study and headed for the spirits. Aveline had given him a large bottle for his name day.

"**Thank you Aveline!**" He exclaimed grabbing the bottle and placing himself in a chair with one of Isabella's books. So this was the sad end of the great Garrett Hawke's romance story! Sitting alone in his study, getting drunk and getting hard to some dusty old book! After half an hour he was good and ready to go up to his bedroom and pleasure himself as an act of self pity. He bumped into Bodahn.

"Oh, excuse me. Master Hawke, Mistress Merrill is here to see you." Bodahn smiled and Hawke briefly considered that he must be unbelievably drunk. He walked into the entry hall and there she was. Pacing back and forth nervously. He almost felt his jaw drop.

"Hawke! Oh thank goodness you're here. I thought you might have gone to the Hanged Man and I almost went to look there for you first. But then I thought you might have gone to see your uncle instead... And I'm rambling, aren't I?" Merrill started ranting with a blush on her cheeks.

"I don't mind. You are **adorable** when you're flustered." He smiled and his heart was drumming in an almost happy beat. She then turned very serious.

"After you left... I couldn't stop thinking about everything that happened. You changed your mind, just because it would make me happy, even though you did it to protect me... I wonder if I made a mistake. In leaving the Dalish." She said sadly.

"You are just feeling homesick. I can get one of those tattoos if that will help. Or perhaps a griffon and you can call him Feathers." He chuckled and a short giggle escaped her.

"If you were Dalish my people would have a kingdom by now... And the rest of Thedas would be attacking us, so perhaps it worked out for the best." She said sadly.

"Does it bother you that I'm human? Because if you want me to get a tattoo I will." He smiled.

"No I'm not saying I would change you for... I'm making things worse aren't I? It's just... I'm one of the Elvehn. I'm supposed to preserve who we are and if I... There are reasons that it's bad to... Is it warm in here? Elgar'narn! I'll stop talking now." She said nervously.

"I'll guess I postpone making myself more elfy." He smirked and a twinkle formed in her eye.

"Oh, I don't know. You'll look handsome with pointy ears. Not that you don't now... The keeper... My whole clan will object if we... Not that they can possibly hate me anymore, I suppose." She sighed.

He couldn't take it any longer. Maker's breath he wanted her. He wanted to protect her and keep her safe. Wanted to love her as she deserved. He reached for her cheek.

"It will be alright, Merrill. I.." He began, but suddenly she kissed him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He could hardly believe it. After everything, she was in his arms kissing him. She was kissing **him** and not the other way around. This little soft and yielding person had him completely under her thrall. Forget bloodmagic and demons! Her sweetness would make all of that pale in comparison. He wrapped his arms tightly around her deepening the kiss. She tasted just as sweet as everything else about her was and by everything that was holy and divine, he never wanted it to end. When she pulled away he followed her, absolutely refusing to remove his lips from hers. She giggled against his lips and he had never felt or heard anything that gave him more pleasure. When she finally gently pushed him away, he was gasping for air and grinning like an idiot. Perhaps he was an idiot, but if so he was the luckiest idiot in Thedas. The green big eyes looked up at him with such adoration, that he felt his heart almost being pulled towards her. As he looked at them something else started brewing. He swallowed as he realised it was desire. Thank the creators that they made her!

"Come." She said sweetly and took his hand.

She led him upstairs and Garrett had trouble believing this was happening. After all that he had done to sweep her of her feet, now she was the one controlling him. He was completely at her mercy and there was nowhere else he would rather be. She led him into the bedroom and he closed the door behind them. He was grateful that he had not given into his pity-pleasure before she came. What a tremendous waist that would have been. She stood in front of the bed looking shyly down onto the floor. He grinned and ran towards her, gathering her in his arms and kissed her deeply. She giggled at his eagerness and pulled him back towards the bed. He placed himself above her and kissed her heatedly. Her scent made his head spin. He removed her scarf and in tangled into his hands. He gave a growl of frustration before throwing in onto the floor and Merrill giggled. He claimed her lips and started kissing his way down her neck. As her hands began roaming in under his shirt, he sat up and removed it quickly. She looked at his bare chest and a deep blush formed on her cheeks. He wanted to tease her, but he didn't dare, afraid she would give into her shy nature. He leaned over her again and began kissing her passionately. She placed her small slim hands on his chest and pushed him to sit. He looked at her with surprise, but the desire and adoration in her eyes froze him in place. She stood up in the bed and slowly began removing her clothing, leaving him to observe as her body was slowly revealed before him. She slowly pulled her green robe over her head and the suit she wore beneath it showed of every curve. He tried with all his will power to sit still and enjoy it, as the expanse of her skin was being uncovered. He wanted to shower her with words of adoration, but this felt like a dream and he was terrified he would break this spell. She pushed her suit of and now stood, before him in the corset she wore underneath. She looked at him hesitantly with a smile on her face, as she began opening the last bits of fabric between her body and his lustful gaze. When she had removed it and her naked body stood before her he took it all in. Her pink skin, her breasts, her scares and her slim muscles. Her entire body moved as she was breathing nervously. He got up on his knees and pulled her towards him, kissing and tasting her abdomen, making her sigh. She put her hands into his long black hair and massaged his skull with her fingertips, guiding him to where to kiss. He pulled in her legs to make her lose her footing and captured her in his arms. After giving a startled yelp, she giggled and he chuckled. Her hands went to his trousers and began opening them, if a little hesitantly. He pulled them of himself quickly and placed himself above her. He kissed her lips deeply, before kissing his way down her throat. Not long after they were both entangled in each other's limbs and noises of pleasure filled the room.

He pulled her close to him and she cuddled up against him, while breathing heavily. This was what he truly wanted. To be in the arms of someone he truly loved. He gently brushed her face with his fingertips, tracing the tattoo's on her face. She sighed blissfully, but then looked at him a little shyly.

"What happens now? Are we... What did this mean?" She asked hesitantly.

"Well, if this was one of Varric's stories I'd guess I would sweep you away on my pet dragon and fly into the sunset." He chuckled and she giggled.

"You don't have a pet dragon. You only have Ziggy and I don't think she would be comfortable with us riding on her." She giggled and Hawke gave a laugh at the imagery. Her eyes softened and she stroked his cheek.

"If you hadn't come to Sundermount that day... I wouldn't know where I would be now." She lifted a little and looked down at him.

"I love you!... I probably shouldn't have said that, should I? I always say the stupidest things." She blushed and had trouble keeping eye contact. Hawke smiled brightly, gave a chuckle and kissed her.

"No you don't. And I love you too. Actually I was thinking about scandalising the neighbourhood by having my Dalish lover move in. What do you think?" He asked and she widened her eyes and jumped of the bed.

"Here? In Hightown? The rich fancy part of the city, with no rats in it? And you... with an elf." She smiled and turned to look at him.

"Well, you would have to put up with Anders. I think he cancels out the rats. But since your cat is already here..." He chuckled.

"Ma vehnan. You really are crazy aren't you?" She smiled.  
He crawled over the bed to the edge and sat up on his knees, as he pulled her close.

"I have never denied that I was." He chuckled.

"If you are not afraid... then neither am I." She smiled and kissed him.  
She pulled away and looked at him with a smile.

"What will your family say, do you think?" She asked and he ran his hands up and down her back.

"Mother is going to love you. Leila already does. And Anders is going to have to deal with it. Besides Leila will probably keep him from being a total ass... otherwise I still have to test the theory if Ziggy likes mageflesh." He chuckled and Merrill giggled.

"You know... He does seem a little better since he found her... she seems to calm him somehow." She said softly.

"Yes... Ha, for someone who is supposed to be a rebel, he sure doesn't mind being on a leash." He chuckled.

"It's not really a leash, when you follow willingly, is it?" She mused and Hawke pulled her down on the bed to sit next to him and wrapped his arms around her.

"You might be right." He smiled before kissing her softly.


	31. Chapter 31 Rejuvenate

Rejuvenate

They had been in Wildervale for three weeks and this was their last week there. They had only planned on staying for two, but Leila had convinced him that they should stay longer. Anders had finally stopped constantly thinking about what happened in the Gallows with Ella. But it would be something that would forever haunt him. Leila had helped him through it, but if it would give him the strength to control Justice, was doubtful. Justice had been quiet... ashamed since it happened. He was just as much a victim of Anders' feelings as he himself was. None of this was easily conquered and it was going to take time. But at least there was hope and he didn't have to go through this alone. For the first time in his life, he was not alone. He had been too caught up in everything that happened with Justice to notice at first, but something seemed to be troubling Leila. It seemed to have been going on since he lost control of Justice. She kept it hidden and she did it well, but she couldn't hide it from him. She almost seemed guilty and worried and she had been watching him closely. He could hardly blame her for it, but something in the back of his mind made him think, that it didn't have anything to do with him. After all if she was afraid with him, she would not have isolated herself with him in the middle of nowhere... would she? She was outside today practicing with her bow. She had been doing that a lot lately. She had trained with Sebastian before, but to her it never seemed like something important. Now it was like a skill she desperately needed to learn. Was it in case he turned on her? He walked outside and watched her. She was getting better, but hitting a moving target would still be too much for her. This seemed a little absurd to him. He couldn't imagine her ever turning that thing at anyone, person or animal. He walked up behind her and stood a few feet away as she was aiming at the same tree, she had been shooting at for half an hour.

"You are improving." He smiled and she turned to look at him.

"Thank you... I'm not doing as well as I would like. Perhaps I should Varric get give me lessons, when we get back." She replied with a sigh.

"Varric? I thought Sebastian was teaching you?" He replied a little confused.

"Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I could live with you not having a teacher that was head over heels for you." He added with a smirk, but her expression remained serious.

"I'd prefer not to have lessons with him anymore." She replied almost coldly and turned away again to shoot another arrow into the tree.

"Love, please talk to me." He said softly, as walked up to her and made her turn to face him. She looked at him with a sad smile.

"I didn't think you cared for Sebastian." She teased.

"I don't. Has he been bothering you, because of me?" He asked seriously.

"No, he hasn't mentioned it. I just... he says one thing and does another. He doesn't seem to be comfortable around me or my points of views anyway. I thought it would be for the best." She sighed heavily. There was something she was hiding. He could almost feel it from her.

"He loves you and that might be confusing for him. Not to mention he must feel defeated since you are with me instead of him." He remarked and she pushed his arms away and backed backwards with a fearful expression.

"He can't be in love with me! I don't want him to be! I..." She began breathing heavily. Anders took a few steps towards her and held her gently.

"Don't shut me out, love. Tell me what's wrong. Please." He implored holding her.

"What if he gets jealous and turns on you? What if he tells the templars? I can't lose you." She replied with a painful expression and Anders pulled her close.

"He could have turned me over years ago, but he didn't. If he would have turned me in, he would have done it, as soon as he found out about us. Besides he is hesitant and spineless. He needs others to lead him or approve of him doing something. He will never act on his own." He soothed as he held her close to him.

"I love you much more than I realised." She replied hugging him tightly. He placed his hand under her chin and made her look at him.

"I love you too and I'm not leaving you." He replied seriously before kissing her, now feeling more guilty than ever, for trying to end his life.

He gently took her bow and rested it against the tree. He then led her to another tree closer to the lakebed and sat down. Resting against it, he made her sit between his legs and made her rest her back against his chest. Slowly he felt her calm, as she rested her head against his shoulder and gave a sigh. The sun was shining through the branches warming them both and Anders felt his eyes close, as he just enjoyed the moment. There had been so few peaceful moments in his life, but being away from Kirkwall had helped calm him. Listening to her breathing and feel her chest rising and lowering was hypnotizing to him. At this very moment he felt happy and content.

"I wish we could stay like this forever, love." He breathed.

"So do I, but I pretty sure you would get bored at some point." She smiled with her eyes still closed and her face turned towards the sky.

"With you for company? Never." He smiled and kissed her cheek. He found himself wondering how he would have gone through this without her. What if she had never come to Thedas? That led to another thought completely and he began to chuckle.

"What do you think would have happened if it was the other way around? If I had come to your world?" He asked.

"Before or after you were hit by a car?" She chuckled and he looked at her with confusion.

"Car?"

"Oh, those carriages that doesn't need horses. They move very fast and unfortunately not all who drive them are equally responsible... But back to your original question, I suppose it would depend on which part of the world you landed in. In my country you would probably admire a lot of things. I think you would like our justice system and our democracy." She smiled.

"Is there more justice in your world?" He asked.

"Hmm... it depends on the country and each case of justice if different. It seems that justice is observed very differently. One man's justice is another's vengeance. But in general I would say yes. In my part of the world, people are not locked away for being born a certain race. Not all have equal means, but all have equal rights. This also means that we choose our leaders." She explained and looked at him as he tried to grasp the concepts described to him.

"How do you choose your leaders? Do the nobles choose or?" He asked.

"We all do. We show up and anonymously place our votes. Everyone who is an adult have a right to vote or not to, if they decide. And everyone has a right to become leaders, they "just" need enough support and votes."

"That sounds wonderful... that freedom must give people so many more options. I wish I could see it." He sighed.

"Believe me it was for the best it wasn't the other way around. The countries keep track on their citizens, in order to keep track of criminals and refugees. It also helps if someone has gone missing. But you would have shown up with no papers telling anything about who you were. And if you talked about the things you know, you would probably hospitalized for being mentally unstable." She smiled up at him and caressed his cheek.

"Hmm... I don't like the sound of that, but surely you could have hidden me somewhere." He smirked.

"Oh yes, because a man walking around in strange clothes and unable to understand his surroundings, would be someone you offered a key to your house." She remarked sarcastically with a chuckle.

"One, I am fluent in sarcasm. Two, in case you have forgotten I am **very** charming." He smirked and began kissing her neck.

"That might be so, but I am not easily impressed by charming." She smirked and looked up at him, as he gave her doubtful glare. Her expression turned soft and loving.

"I am a sucker for a good heart, though." She smiled and kissed him tenderly. He breathed with a contented sigh as she pulled away.

"So, tell me more about this world of yours. You said it was only like this in you part of it. What about the other countries?" He asked wrapping his arms around her shoulders, before kissing her temple.

"In other places there are injustices similar to here. In some parts women are suppressed. They are forced to wear lots of clothing and not allowed to show any part of their skin. They are seen as their husbands or father's property and are not allowed the same rights as men. I heard of a woman once, who had been raped and they stoned her to death to punish her for it." She explained sadly and Anders could feel Justice rage inside him. He grabbed the amulet and took a deep breath with closed eyes, before responding.

"That's horrible! And no one does anything about it a supposed." He replied venomously.

"Actually it caused quite the uproar. You see there are organisations, a little like the mage underground I suppose, who fight for different rights. Only they do not need to hide and are not violent. They fight for different things like women's, children's and animal's rights and treatment of them. Everyone who wishes to support them can donate money to help them or join as volunteers. It's a slow process, but it is working." She explained stroking Anders' neck hoping to calm him.

A small smile formed on his lips. There might be injustices in her world, but the thought that someone was actively helping to remove them was uplifting. He felt like he understood her a little better. In her world there were so many options to help and you didn't have to fear for your life for doing it. He wondered if there were many like her in her world, but concluded quickly that she was one of a kind. His heart was convinced that no one in either world could compare to her. Thedas must have seemed so strange to her... so senseless and loveless. It also made sense to him why she was so quiet about her point of views for a long time. The things she told him could not have been said to Sebastian for example. He felt himself squeezing her tighter to ensure that she really was there with him and not some figment of his imagination.

"I'm sorry. You must miss it terribly." He said in low voice kissing her hair.

"It's not that bad. I had lost almost everyone who cared for me, before I even left. Here I have you, Garrett and Leandra... Actually what I miss the most are stupid things." She began chuckling.

"Like what?" He asked, feeling a little happier as she smiled.

"Modern bathrooms, instant hot water, a refrigerator, some of the technology we have and some foods. Actually I miss..." She stopped suddenly and sat up looking at him with a broad smile.

"What?" He asked with a smile.

"Can I abuse your special talents, ser mage?" She smiled with a happy twinkle in her eyes.

"What special talents would that be?" He asked seductively placing his hand on the inside of her thigh and realising a small amount of electricity that sent a vibrating sensation straight to her core. A gasp escaped her, before she gently pushed his hand away.

"Not what I meant." She growled with a smile and he chuckled.

"So **if** I offer my services, what do I get?" He smirked.

"You get to indulge both of your warden appetites." She winked and stood up reaching for his hands and helped him up.

Inside she led him towards the kitchen and he smirked, as he realised she probably wanted him to light the stove. She just wasn't any good at creating fire and for a moment he actually thought, that an apostate was the perfect partner for her. She was not afraid of magic and to her it was just a tool like any other. A gift that could make life easier. No different than a knife, that in the wrong hands could kill. For a moment the idea of not returning to Kirkwall and taking her to Tevinter and living in a place like this, seemed almost irresistible. Only Justice's reminder of sloth kept the urge at bay. He was about to light the stove, when she stopped him.

"Thank you, but that's not it either. Take this." She smiled and handed him a whisk. He looked at her curiously, but she took out a bowl and filled some cream into it.

"Should I be looking for handcuffs?" He smirked, as he began whisking the cream.

"No, Isabella." She teased with a mock glare.

She started pouring sugar and vanilla into it, before starting to mince some chocolate. She had bought so many things for them to enjoy and he felt a warmth embrace his heart. He wondered what lengths she would go to just to make him happy. Something that pleased and terrified him at the same time. When the cream was done she poured in the chocolate and whisked an egg as well. He looked at her curiously and observed her, not entirely sure what she was making. She started to turn the mixture slowly.

"Now this is where I need your help. Could you freeze this slowly while I mix it? Not completely solid, but almost." She smiled sweetly and Anders chuckled at her request.

"Anything you wish, my love." He smiled. When done she put her finger into it and tasted it. She had a broad smile on her face and cheered before giving him a kiss. He had to laugh at seeing her this exited. She dipped her finger into it again and made him taste as well.

"This is my favourite. Vanilla ice cream with chocolate. Do you like it?" She smiled.

"Yes." He smiled and dipped his finger into it having another taste. She smiled brightly and was almost giddy. This was one of those silly little things she had missed. She had never considered it could be made this way, because Hawke couldn't make fire or ice. She reached for two spoons and gave him one, before jumping up onto the counter.

"I love mages!" She exclaimed happily, making a humming sound of pleasure taking a spoonful of ice cream. Anders had to laugh and walked over to stand in front of her.

"It's good to hear that someone does. I am not sure how I feel about that comment being in plurality, though. Is there something or some**one** I should know about?" He teased.

"Oh yes. I have a mage fetish and sneak into the Gallows twice a week." She replied with sarcasm, as she chuckled. He shook his head with a smile. She put down the spoon and opened the laces on the top of his shirt. He hadn't worn his robes much in the weeks they had been there and was only wearing his shirt. She let her fingers trace over his chest and he closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure. Suddenly he jerked feeling a cold sensation on his chest.

"Maker, Leila! That's cold!" He shuddered.

"I know." She purred as she kissed and liked the ice cream of his chest.

"I did say both appetites." She smiled up at him with a mischievous look. He smirked as his pupils dilated and he pushed himself into her with a passionate kiss.

-OOO- almost two weeks later -OOO-

The month and a half away from Kirkwall had done Anders a lot of good. He had gotten distance from what he had almost done and seemed to have come to terms with Justice. Ahead lay the long and difficult road of learning to control his emotions and hopefully that would give him a better reign on Justice. Unfortunately their little piece of paradise could not last forever, no matter how much they both wanted it to. People were depending on them and finally the city of chains reeled them back in. Anders got of his horse outside Kirkwall and insisted that they should not go into the city together. Had she been a warrior he wouldn't have worried so much, but she wasn't. And the Maker be damned, if anything should happen to her because of him. Back in Hightown, Bodahn and Sandal took care of the horses, when she returned. Though she would normally do it herself, she was exhausted from the journey. As she walked into the living room she saw Merrill sitting on the floor playing with Ser Purrcival and Messere Puffels. The most unlucky cats in Thedas as far as names go. She was wearing a new white outfit, which Leila had never seen before. It looked expensive. She blushed as she saw Leila, but before she could greet her, Leila was overwhelmed by two eager mabari. She heard Garrett laugh and saw him walk down the stairs with a grin on his face. He pushed the hounds away and gathered her in his arms, giving her a big hug that she returned.

"And my little cousin returns. What did you do with Anders?" He smiled fondly.

"He decided that it would be wiser for him to walk into Kirkwall on his own. He is probably on his way to the clinic." She smiled before walking over and giving Merrill a big hug.

"It's good to see you Merrill. I've missed you." Leila said in earnest.

"You did?.. I mean, I missed you to Lethallan. How was your trip?" Merrill smiled.

"Peaceful and quiet. We enjoyed it. Garrett would have found it dull though... You look beautiful." Leila smiled pulling back and observing Merrill who instantly blushed.

"Thank you... I... that means Hawke... bought it for me... That wasn't wrong of me to say, was it?" She asked looking over at Garrett, who chuckled shaking his head. Leila gave a bright smile.

"You bought this, for her? Do I dare to ask as to the occasion?" Leila smiled.

"We are... Hawke and I... after you left..." Merrill began, while blushing and obviously feeling shy.

"Merrill, lives here now." Hawke clarified and walked over to put his arm around Merrill.

"I'm so happy for you. About time too." Leila smiled.

"Hey, it took you and Anders almost a year!" Garrett replied with faked offense.

"Just you try to make two men, in one body, fall in love with you at once. It's difficult." Leila retaliated with a smile.

"It was? It didn't look that hard? I mean Anders seemed to love you almost from the beginning. Well, first I thought he was interested in Hawke, but then I saw how he looked at you. Then I wondered why I had thought that, because it was so obvious every time you were in the room that he liked you. Then there was that one time with Justice. It was strange really. He seemed happy and sad at the same time... I'm rambling." She giggled at the last part and Leila had a full blown blush on her cheeks. Hawke laughed at Leila's embarrassment.

"I love you, Merrill!" He said cheerfully and kissed her cheek, making her blush as well.

"Where is Leandra?" Leila asked wanting to change the subject.

"Mother is at the market with Orana."

"Alright. I'm going to unpack." Leila smiled.

"Do you want a hand?" Merrill asked.

"Yes, thank you." Leila smiled and they walked upstairs to unpack. Leila could sense Merrill's nervousness and she smiled.

"Merrill, it's fine. More than fine, I am very happy for you. As for Anders, he has no say in it and I am sure he realises that as well." She comforted.

"Thank you... It's just... he never seemed to like me much." Merrill replied.

"He does like you. He is just concerned for your wellbeing. He has had a hard life and sometimes he doesn't express things the way he means them. He is frustrated and then his concern comes out as anger. And as long as the two of you don't talk about bloodmagic, you seem to get along just fine." Leila smiled and Merrill seemed relieved.

"How is he? I tried talking to him before you left, but it didn't seem to help." Merrill asked and Leila sat down on the bed, before giving a sigh.

"I don't know. He seems a little happier, but I'm afraid what this city is doing to him. He is slowly killing himself. Working himself into exhaustion and driving himself into depression with worry. I can try to help him, but it has to come from himself." Leila sighed. Merrill sat down next to her.

"He is strong. He wouldn't have become a warden otherwise. And he has you. It will be alright, somehow." Merrill soothed and Leila gave a small smile, before leaning her head on Merrill's shoulder.

-OOO-

That evening Leila was lying in the bathtub, enjoying the scent of the apple blossom oil and the feeling of the bubbles on her skin. She was reading. Before she came to Thedas books hadn't really been of much interest to her. She preferred movies, but had occasionally been sucked in by a book. Now she had come to enjoy them very much. In the beginning because they took her mind of things. She took a sip of cider from the glass placed on a table next to the tub. Ebony was lying content in front of the fire in the bedroom, which was only separated by a curtain she hadn't bothered to close. Purrcival and Puffels had placed themselves on the bed, much to Leila's dismay. She really didn't want cat hair everywhere, but she was too contended in that tub to get up and shoo them of the bed. After a few attempts to spray water at them she had simply given up. All of a sudden Ebony lifted his head and after a few moments began whining and howling with excitement, as he ran to the door and opened it on his own. Leila smiled at the dog's intelligence and was not too concerned about his reaction. And sure enough, moments later she heard Anders telling the dog to calm down. She had sometimes wondered if Ebony had imprinted on both of them, since Anders was the only other person the dog was comfortable around. Anders walked in the room and closed the door, before falling forwards into the bed with a groan.

"Rough day?" She asked with a soft gaze.

"Aha... Hubert should be forced to work in the bonepit himself. The amount injuries they get from working in that blasted mine are unbelievable." He groaned.

"This city really needs a real hospital." Leila mused biting her lip and Anders looked at her still lying on the bed.

"Oh, no you don't." He stated looking at her seriously.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"I know that look. You are about to come up with some other idea that is going to get you in trouble." He smirked. He felt torn at times like these. Justice was happy that she was trying to change things, while Anders wanted her to say safe and out of Meredith's ire.

"Probably, but honestly the city would benefit from it. One of the unused foundries could be modified to serve healing purposes. Healers could work there and have apprentices. It wouldn't just be you in a small clinic in darktown. You said it yourself, mages are only tolerated, but if they were to see more mages in a positive light they could be appreciated. Like you are by the refugees." Leila smiled.

"You are right, but how are you going to sell it to the Viscount?" He replied, as he began stroking the cats.

"Some of the foundries are only gathering dust and that lowers property value. That affects city economics. As for the mages, one argument could be (and please don't slaughter me for this) that we already pay for the mages living expenses. They could go there and offer their services without it would cost the city anything." She smiled softly trying not to aggravate him. He had an annoyed flare in his eyes, but he knew that she meant well.

"That's very pragmatic." He replied trying to hide his annoyance.

"Come now, love. I meant it as a transition to mage freedom, not a permanent state of things. You know that." She smiled and he returned it.

"I know... I'm sorry. It sounds like a good starting point at least, but I doubt that Meredith will approve." He sighed.

"To the void with that blighted old **hag**!" Leila cursed and a bright smile formed on Anders' face, as he began to chuckle.

"What?" She asked confused.

"That's the first time I have heard you use our swearwords." He smiled and sat up on the bed.

"It sounded catchy." She shrugged with a smile.

He walked over to the tub and leaned down and kissed her. He noticed that she tried to hide the book and got very curious. He reached for it, but she tried to push him away. A little water splashed on his robes, but he didn't care. He finally grabbed hold of the book. He looked at it and began grinning and Leila dived under the water. Anders had to laugh and when she finally came up for air he kissed her.

"Who would have thought the scholar Leila Amell enjoyed romance novels?" He chuckled.

"Just give it back." She replied with an almost tired look and put her hand forth. He was about to reply, when it knocked on the door.

"Come in." Leila said loudly. As long as she was in the tub, she really didn't care who it was. Merrill came in.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if Messere Puffels was here. Oh, there you are. May I take him?" She asked.

"He is your cat Merrill." Anders replied with a smile and Merrill nodded and got the cat, before walking out again. Anders gave a sigh and looked very troubled.

"It's his decision and they are very fond of each other." Leila said softly reaching for his hand.

"Yes, Hawke can do as he pleases, but I can't keep living here. Three apostates under one roof is to dangerous." He sighed and walked over to sit on the bed.

"Garrett and his family lived in Lothering as three apostates. Beside no one knows you live here. It will be alright love." She smiled softly, before getting out of the tub and walking towards him.

"Why are you making it so difficult for me to be apart from you?" He smiled and pulled her wet, slippery body to sit on his lap. Her eyes turned surprisingly serious.

"Don't give me power over you. If you feel that way, then let only be because you want it. No one has control over you, but you." She said softly.

"Sweetheart, I have never let anyone control me. But understand this; my heart is consumed by you. Just like you explained to me that day at the keep, remember?" He said softly with a smile and she returned it.

"I remember. You have also become a part of mine." She smiled before he gave her a soft lingering kiss.


	32. Chapter 32 A game of politics

Game a politics

Hawke was going through the mail. He had been spending so much time with Merrill lately that he had neglected his duties as a "proper" Hightown noble. Hawke had to chuckle to himself. A Hightown noble who just happened to be a bloodmage and living with his lover who was an elf and bloodmage. Not to mention an adopted cousin from another world living with an apostate abomination. This made him wonder what was going on behind the other closed doors in Hightown. He groaned out loud, when he saw the latest invitations. More noble parties and neither he or Leila could bring their lovers. No wonder Justice had lost it. This world was completely unreasonable. He took the letters and walked into the dining room, where the rest of the family was already gathered. Hawke had to smile. It hadn't felt like a real family since his father died and even though both Bethany and Carver were gone, this was the closest he had come for years. Hawke went to sit down next to Merrill, who was sitting across from Leila and Anders. Leandra was sitting at the end of the table and she seemed happier than he had seen her in years. Summoning Leila may have been stupid, but he had a hard time regretting it. But he still had no idea what the price would be and in three months it would be collected. Hawke had to chuckle looking at Anders, who was currently fighting of both dogs who was begging for food. Being away had helped him a lot, but there was no doubt in his mind that the torment, that Justice had become, was constantly lingering in the back of Anders' mind.

"Ebony, go and lie down by the fire and you are not moving until I say so." Anders said sternly to the now fully grown mabari mix. Completely black, with long fur, long snout and long tail, but with the muscle mass of the mabari, made it the most terrifying mabari in Thedas. Still in the presence of Leila and Anders it behaved like a puppy and headed their every command. The dog gave a disapproving howl, but Anders remained firm.

"Now!" He ordered and pointed in the direction and with his head low and his tail between his legs he walked out of the room. Anders gaze turned to Ziggy, who merely huffed and walked over to mooch of Merrill.

"I have never known a mabari, who has two masters." Leandra said in wonderment.

"I think it might because I brought him to the clinic so often and had Anders check up on him. We are his pack I think." Leila smiled.

"Wonderful." Anders said sarcastically.

"I have to put up with cat hair. Besides, as much as you try to deny it, you like him." Leila smiled knowingly and Anders smirked.

"I guess I'll have admit to that. Especially after he warned me about those templars a few days ago... don't worry, love. They are not after me specifically." He soothed kissing Leila's cheek, but it didn't seem to ease her worries.

"Perhaps you should bring him more often then. He could be the clinic watchdog. Oh! He could have a tiny barrel of whisky around his neck for the patients!" Merrill said with excitement and the rest of the table chuckled at the imagery.

"I'm not sure that's wise with all the drunkards in darktown. They'll just end up chasing the poor beast." Anders smiled.

"I would feel more at ease, if you brought him more often." Leila said with concern and Anders gave her a soft smile. Hawke looked through the mail and gave a groan.

"What is it?" Merrill asked.

"Leila, we have been invited to the De Launcet's next week. So now you have been duly warned." Hawke huffed and Leila rubbed her face, before reaching for the invitation.  
"You know you could just decline." Anders pointed out.

"No. This is a benefactor dinner for the refugees. After being away so long I will have to make an appearance, if I am to have any influence on the political debate." Leila replied with a sigh.

"The De Launcet's are unique, but surely they are not that intolerable. They weren't, when we were younger." Leandra replied.

"And yet I remember something about you eloping with an apostate instead of marrying the count." Hawke smirked and Leandra smiled.

"So when am I going to have some grandchildren?" Leandra asked suddenly.

Hawke choked on his food and Merrill began to firmly pat his back, while Anders was roaring with laughter. Leila smiled at Leandra, who almost had a look of mischief about her. As Anders kept laughing Leandra's gaze turned to him.

"Why are you laughing young man? The question was just as much directed at you." Leandra smiled.

"At me?" Anders replied with astonishment.

"Yes, I consider Leila my daughter, so naturally the same goes for the two of you." Leandra replied and this time it was Hawke's time to chuckle. Anders and Leila smiled at each other, but Anders' was almost sad.

"I can hardly start a family, when I can't even provide for myself. Not to mention I can even keep Leila safe." He replied and took Leila's hand under the table, keeping the last reasons to themselves.

"Malcolm had the same worries. It's not easy, but it can be done. I'm not getting any younger you know." Leandra smiled.

"Well, there is probably something wrong somewhere in Kirkwall, which I need to take care of. See you tonight." Hawke replied quickly, before kissing Merrill on the check and bolting out of the room. Anders and Leila chuckled.

"I'll better get to the clinic. See you tonight, love." Anders said fondly kissing Leila's cheek.

"Please take Ebony with you." Leila said with a worried expression and Anders gave her a small kiss, before grabbing a piece of bacon.

"Alright, Ebony heel." Anders said walking into the living room and Ebony was at his side almost immediately. Anders gave him the bacon and nuzzled his ear.

"Come on you daft mutt. Try not to scare any of my patients today." Anders said casually, though a hint of affection was evident in his voice.

A few moments later they heard Anders coo over the cat, making Merrill giggle, while Leandra and Leila were trying hard not to laugh. A few moments after he left and Leandra leaned back in her chair with, what was almost a satisfied smirk.

"You said that bit about children just to tease Garrett, didn't you?" Leila asked knowingly.

"Yes, but in every teasing can be found a small amount of truth my dear." Leandra replied fondly, before getting up and leaving herself.

-OOO- A week later-OOO-

Anders came home just in time to see Leila getting ready for yet another noble party. She was wearing a red dress that left her shoulders and neck exposed, as the rest was clinging to her body. The fabric looked so soft and light that the faintest breeze could threaten to blow it away. Her hair was curled and gathered in the back. It had grown a lot during the time she had been there and now reached to the middle of her back. She looked like a dream and Anders felt a sting of jealousy. Not because he didn't trust her, but because he could not show the world that she was with him. Of all the men in Kirkwall he was the one she had chosen and a part of his pride longed to show it to the world. She turned with a smile, when she noticed him observing her. He smiled and his heart fluttered, when he saw the necklace he had given her around her neck. He walked over to her and kissed her velvet lips softly. She breathed a chuckle as he pulled away and removed the lipstick on his lips with her thumb. He gently stroked the cheek, neck and let his fingers linger at the pendant of the necklace.

"This is hardly appropriate for the stuffy nobles." He said with a smirk.

"I'll just say it was a gift from a handsome refugee. Either they'll think it was charity or I'll be the talk of Hightown before morning." She smiled.  
"Handsome, you say." He smirked.

"Yes, but keep it quiet. I don't want him putting on airs." She smiled teasingly.

"To late for that, my love. I have already found someone way above my station." He replied with a smirk and gave her another soft kiss.

"And even entered her bed before marriage!" She faked gasping and offense, before smiling and kissing him again. She chuckled as she pulled away.

"We better stop this or you will be wearing more lipstick than I am." She replied removing the red spots from his lips. It knocked on the door and Hawke opened.

"Are you ready? Oh, hey Anders. Nice lipstick. The colour brings out your eyes." Hawke smirked and Anders groaned before removing the rest of it.

"I'm ready now." Leila replied and reached for her gloves.

"Don't worry. If anyone tries to snatch her I'll just cast a horror spell on them. Nobles around screaming, now wouldn't that be interesting?" Hawke chuckled leaving the room with Leila.

Anders sat down and let out a sigh. He hated mingling with the nobles under any circumstances, but it bothered him that to the outside world she was unattached. Perhaps he was even a little afraid that someone worthy would show up and take her from him. His mood was lightened, when Purrcival jumped up onto the bed and began purring loudly, soon followed by Ebony who lay down at his feet.

-OOO- De Launcet's party -OOO-

Hawke walked into the party with Leila on his arm. Truthfully they both wished for someone else to be by their side, but each other's company was the next best thing. Hawke doubted that Leila noticed, but around the room he could see the young, and not so young, unattached men looking at her. She was a single, wealthy, pretty noble and with Hawke's quickly rising status in the city she was a desirable match. Added to this that she had the Viscount's ear and that Hawke had his trust, it was a political favourable match as well. The vultures were circling and all of them unaware, that their pray had teeth and had a partner with fangs. He was drawn from the looks of the stalking predators and saw a cunning, deceitful and slippery snake. And it was slithering towards them. Leila noticed her coming closer and looked at him.

"Prepare yourself. That one is trouble." Hawke whispered and walked towards the snake.

"Sister Patrice. I would have thought your place was in the chantry. Then again a scene of schemes and deception does suit you rather well." Hawke smirked, faking innocence as his tongue caressed every word of the insult.

"**Mother** Patrice. Time has changed us both. The Grand Cleric has asked me to come here tonight, to show support to the goodwill the nobles are currently showing to the less fortunate... I have not been introduced to your companion." Patrice answered looking at Leila, as if she was already disapproving of her.

"That is no coincidence I assure you, but if you insist, this is my cousin Leila Amell. I took her in after her parents died, as I am sure you have heard." Hawke replied coldly.

"Ah yes, of course. This is your doing from what I have heard." Patrice replied looking at Leila.

"I took the first initiative, but it is the others who have chosen to embrace it. I can't take credit for that." Leila replied.

"Such humility. Her grace speaks highly of you. She believes you both clever and wise. A shame that you do not show any greater interest in your faith." Patrice remarked.

"The loss is indeed mine." Leila replied politely.

"Be careful Patrice, she is as talented with careful language as you." Hawke smiled almost wickedly and Patrice gave an offended huff.

"If you are to rise in the political scene, mistress Amell, perhaps showing a greater interest in faith would be beneficial. For all parties. Serah Hawke." Patrice replied coldly and walked away.

"Well, isn't she delightful?" Leila remarked sarcastically.

"Oh yes, I feel all warm and fuzzy. Come, let's get a glass of wine and I tell you about me pleasant dealings with her." Hawke replied with the same sarcasm.

They walked over to a table and Hawke told about his dealings with the Qunari mage. How he had been tricked into helping her and how he was supposed to have died by the hands of the karataam. He told how the Qunari killed himself rather than be free from the Qun and Leila listened intently to every detail. Their conversation was cut short, when Seamus came over and requested the next dance. Seeing them dance, Hawke was reminded of both Meredith's and Patrice's comments. It was clear that the powerful people in this city were expecting a marriage between the two of them. People were starting to assume that Leila had a far greater influence, than she actually had. Her opinions were in the interest in the city and its people and not in a particular faction. Naturally someone like Meredith and Patrice would not want a person like that gaining power. No wonder since both Leila and Seamus were strong willed and would truly be a force to be reckoned with. He momentarily feared what trouble this could cause his cousin, but smirked as he thought of Anders. In the end of the day, she would be going home to her illegal relationship and the power, people thought she craved, was no longer a factor. She was married by everything, but vows. Seamus twirled Leila around one last time, before bowing at the end of the dance. He placed her arm in the crook of his arm and walked away from the dance floor.

"Things are getting more heated with the Qunari then?" Leila asked.

"Yes, but it is difficult to tell. They heed the Qun and so far the Qun has made no demand of them to take any action. Really it is us more than them, who are adding to this conflict." Seamus replied.

"Well, that is hardly a surprise. They seem like a very patient people, how are they handling this?"

"It's difficult to tell, as much as I admire them, there is still so much that is still foreign to me. Tension is rising, but what that tension might lead to, I have no idea." Seamus replied handing her a glass.

"You have spent a lot of time with them. I don't want you to think that I judge you, but why is it that you admire them so much?"

"In the Qun everyone are considered equals. Race and heritage doesn't matter to them."

"And yet they have one assigned path, which they are not allowed to waver from." Leila said softly.

"I am the Viscount's son, bound by everything that means. That was a path chosen for me, so in reality that is not that different." Seamus said with a sigh.

"You might be right." Leila smiled softly.

"The Qun gives you a purpose, function and meaning, but here even though I have been given my path I am forced to remain idle. I am a political pawn and am left as some sort of ornament, not allowed to take action or fulfil that role. It is frustrating. You don't see that idleness and hesitation in the Qun. Some see it as a prison of rules and regulations, but in reality you have more freedom to fulfil your role and duty, than you do in our society." Seamus argued and his passion was infatuating.

"Unless you are a mage of course." Leila pointed out.

"The Qun is not perfect, but at least they are striving for it. We just remain passive and go about our ways as we have done for centuries. We don't try to improve the world, they do. They try to do what is in the interest of all, not only themselves." Seamus replied looking down at her with an almost desperate hope for her to understand him. She smiled brightly.

"You know, I agree. Perhaps one day you will be able to bring these ideals into practice... Only without leashing the mages." Leila smiled and Seamus chuckled.

"It's a relief to talk to someone, who does not just frown at my point of views or remind me that, as the Viscount's son, I am not allowed to think that way. I read your suggestions to my father. They were very interesting. You are clearly not afraid of expressing your opinion." He smiled.

"That's the point, no one should be. Of course it also depends on how that opinion is delivered and if someone is willing to listen." Leila replied and looked into the blue eyes observing her carefully.

"That always seems to be the challenge. But I agree. I still don't take any blame for supporting the Qunari and I don't miss the kinship of those who oppose what I believe." Seamus replied with his strong will showing.

"I'm glad I am not the only one, who has the mind to speak openly." She smiled fondly.

"No more than I. Though, there are those who are undoubtedly dissatisfied with our "recklessness"." Seamus replied.

"No doubt you are right. I have already offended a mother or the chantry as well as the knight-commander." Leila sighed.

"Expression our opinions or mere existence should not be an offense. No matter how they challenge the chantry." He replied and Leila gave him a bright smile. She was about to reply, when he looked up and his face turned serious as his father approached.

"Lady Amell, it is a pleasure to see you again. You have been missed in your absence." Dumar smiled warmly looking briefly at his son.

"You are too kind." Leila replied sweetly.

"If you'll excuse me." Seamus said, clearly eager to get away from his father. Before leaving he kissed Leila's hand.

"I am sorry. My relationship with my son is a little strained at the moment. I want him to find his way, but the tension in this city does not leave many options open for either of us. He has taken quite some inspiration from you." He said with a kind smile.

"I doubt that he needed it. I enjoy his points of view. They always lead to interesting conversations." She replied with a smile.

"Without a doubt. He is very impulsive, but he regards your opinion very highly... Would you and Hawke join us for dinner sometime?" Dumar asked with a friendly expression.

"We would be honoured." Leila replied politely with a smile and didn't notice the man approaching.

"Ah, Knight-captain, have you met Leila Amell?" Dumar introduced and when Leila turned she froze. Looking up at the templar her heart stopped and he seemed surprised for a moment as well. She would never forget the face of the man who ignored her pleas for a person's life. He collected himself.

"I have had the honour of meeting Lady Amell before, but we were not formally introduced. I am Knight-captain Cullen." He replied politely.

To Leila's regret Dumar was called upon by another noble, leaving her alone with Cullen.  
"I must admit it is a surprise seeing you here. I had never thought you to be a noble." Cullen explained.

"I guess I was not as refined in my behaviour last we met." Leila said polity, as her stomach was turning to ice.

"I was referring to the fact that nobles would rarely trouble themselves to help a commoner." He explained somewhat apologetic.

"Perhaps, they are wiser than I and already knew it would be of no use." She replied not making eye contact.

"We must abide by the law." He said softly.

"And if the law is wrong should it not be revised? We can only do that if we question it. Now if you'll excuse me, my cousin has probably noticed my absence. It was a pleasure making your acquaintance Knight-captain." Leila replied and walked away directly over to Hawke and took his arm.

"Can we leave?" She asked in a low voice and Hawke looked up and saw Cullen. He nodded and they left the mansion.

-OOO-

Anders was sitting at the desk, when Ebony suddenly jumped up and ran out the room. Anders smiled as he knew that it was because Leila had come home and even earlier than he had expected. When she came in the room he was ready to embrace her. He pulled her close and took in the scent of her hair, as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. He then kissed her lips tenderly and sighed with bliss. He then realised something was wrong, as her eyes seemed sad.

"Are you alright, love?" He asked softly.

"Yes, I just had the pleasure of meeting both an uptight mother Patrice and Knight-captain Cullen." She sighed and leaned into him.

"Mother Patrice? What was she doing at a noble party?" He asked with a curious expression.

"Besides lecturing me about not attending the Chantry sermons? I don't know. She said the Grand cleric had encouraged her to make an appearance. I can't figure Elthina out." She replied sitting down on the bed.

"Perhaps we should both try talking to her. She might be more reasonable than either of us thought." He replied sitting down next to her and kissed her cheek.

"Oh the irony... You know, I have always hated politics." She chuckled and Anders smiled before claiming her lips.


	33. Chapter 33 Confrontations

Confrontations

Walking up to the chantry courtyard, Leila felt a little apprehensive. She looked over at Hawke and Anders who both had a very determined expression on their faces. She could sympathize. If either of them got caught they would most likely be made tranquil and lose the freedom they fought so hard for. And the thought of losing either of them broke her heart. Still she could not help, but question how wise this decision was.

"Are you two sure you want to do this?" She asked in a low voice.

"We have to make a stand. Especially against something like this." Anders said passionately.

"Yes, but those papers will connect you to the murder of those templars." Leila replied in a low voice.

"This is not enough to prove that we had something to do with that. It's been two months, any scoundrel could have gotten their hands on it. And by some strange coincidence that scoundrel just happens to be me." Hawke replied with a grin.

Leila shook her head. Sometimes Hawke's carefree nature bordered on stupidity and he was walking ahead through the courtyard almost with a spring in his step. Anders was following, but with him the tension was evident to her. His passion and rebellious nature, did sometimes lead him down a reckless path and she feared for them both. Sebastian had once said that Hawke seemed to be present every time something went wrong in Kirkwall. Both the gentlemen before her had that tendency and sometimes she thought it was because they were causing half of it. As they were walking up the chantry stairs Leila became more hesitant with every step. This was not the brightest idea any of the two men had ever had.

"Anders." She pleaded in a low voice at the top of the stairs and he looked down at her with a soft expression.

"I have to do this, love." He replied seriously in a low voice, making sure no one noticed the endearment.

"Let me do it. Then they won't suspect you." She tried.

Anders expression turned loving at her concern. The beating of his heart was whispering a tune that went through his veins, as he felt a need to pull her close. He looked around and the courtyard was filled with people. There was no way that even the slightest sign of affection would go unnoticed. He looked down into her concerned green eyes, which shined with water as the sunlight reflected in them and her pale skin glistening in the heat. Her soft lips, that were reddened and moist from her biting her lip, were beckoning him to claim them. Her breathing, that made her body move slightly, seemed seductive to him, as he longed to have her flush against him. The black corset that showed the soft curves of her waist and the swell of her hips, were taunting and daring him. He could feel himself breathing heavily as he caressed her very being with his eyes alone. Even touching her soft white shirt would give him some relief. This was like every seduction in the tower, only stronger. Forbidden lust was one thing, forbidden love had completely other ramifications.

"Maker, what I wouldn't give to kiss you right now." He breathed in a low voice and this made her smile.

He looked up again his eyes observing the courtyard. An elven servant dropped the groceries she carried, to the dismay of her mistress and that was all the distraction Anders needed. He took Leila by her wrist and pulled her into the shadows of one of the pillars and crushed his lips against hers. His hands on her neck he pushed his body flush against hers and caressed her lips with his tongue. She gave a low moan as she gave him access to the sweet cavern of her mouth, while her hands slipped in under his robe and caressed his stomach and waist. His tongue caressed hers and when hers responded eagerly he moaned and couldn't help the slight bucking movements of his hips. She placed on of her legs between his and lifted it to put a gentle pressure to his groin. He moaned as she grinded herself slowly against him. At Justice's reminder of where they were, he reluctantly pulled away and looked down into her darkened eyes. He looked around to make sure no one had noticed them and to their luck there wasn't. He breathed a chuckle looking back down at her as she was smiling.

"I haven't done something like that since I was in the circle." He chuckled as he was trying to catch his breath.

"I guess I am the forbidden fruit." She smiled.

"Forbidden fruit?" He asked with a smile.

"I'll explain later. Garrett must be wondering where we went off to." She smiled and walked away, Anders following at a respectful distance.

Outside the Chantry doors Hawke was leaning against the wall with a knowing smirk on his face. Walking into the chantry Leila looked at the grand building. She had been here more times during her short life in Thedas, than she had been in a church on her own world in the course of several years. As they walked through the building Leila saw Sebastian walking towards them. At the stairs leading up to the Grand Cleric he stopped them. Anders crossed his arms, clearly concerned that Sebastian would put Leila in an uncomfortable situation.

"Leila, may I have a word?" Sebastian asked politely with a soft smile.

"Of course." Leila replied and gave Anders a small smile to let him know it was alright. He and Hawke walked up to the Grand cleric.

"It has been awhile since I have had the pleasure of your company." Sebastian said with a friendly smile.

"I know... I needed to help a friend." She said softly.

"Yes... I know you and Anders are..." He began.

"Please don't tell anyone. He wants to keep it quiet to protect me." She replied in a low voice looking around making sure no one heard there conversation.

"I will not betray your trust, but... It isn't my place to question, but please... be careful. He is dangerous man... and selfish. Whatever he promised, never think he will put you above his own needs." Sebastian replied truly concerned and reached for her hand.

"Sebastian... I am what he wants and not what he needs. I know that and for that reason I will never expect him to put me first. I am small and insignificant." She replied softly.

"You are **not** insignificant." He replied holding her hand tighter. In his eyes she saw his impulsive and passionate nature burning. She smiled softly as she withdrew her hand.

"Thank you… I'll better make sure that Hawke hasn't destroyed something by now." She smiled and Sebastian gave a small chuckle.

"He does seem to do that a lot." He smiled and she walked up the stairs, but he called her name after a few steps.

"You might not believe it, but the Maker sent you here. We all have out parts to play and yours will unravel with time." He said seriously looking into her eyes.

Leila felt her heart jump in an uncomfortable way, the images of Anders dead body with Sebastian's arrows in his chest haunting her. She had not told Anders any of this and she never would. Death was not a demon, but she had postponed her eternal salvation for his life. Just as Anders had sacrificed some of himself to Justice, for mage freedom. Anders blamed himself enough and carried so many burdens. She would never allow him to carry hers as well. She walked up the stairs and saw Elthina turn away from the two men with a shocked expression. Anders and Hawke's expressions were of disappointment and resentment. Leila gave them both a soft look as they passed her on the stairs. Elthina turned to look at Leila and gave her a sincere smile.

"It is good to see you again child. It has been some time." Elthina smiled.

"It has. I had business elsewhere... I am sorry your grace, but would you mind answering some questions?" Leila said politely.

"Of course not. Your presence is always welcome." Elthina smiled.

"I am... surprised. We don't always agree." Leila replied with astonishment.

"Indeed, but you always present yourself with dignity and respect. That makes conversations enlightening. What would you wish to know?" Elthina asked and Leila rested against the railing.

"Why is the circle housed in an old Tevinter prison?" Leila asked politely.

"The short answer; it was a building. Should we have let it sit empty?"

"No, but its history and decorations is not doing this conflict any favours."

"We cannot let our self be influenced by something as distant as that history." Elthina replied and Leila had to bite her tongue not to comment on the religion, but managed to keep quiet on the subject. That would not do anyone any favours.

"Why not remove the statues? The metal could be melted down and reused. Perhaps even for housing for the poor." Leila suggested.

"The administrations of the Gallows fall on Knight-commander Meredith. It is not my place to interfere."

"I imagine so. I have only met her once. What is she like?" Leila asked, trying to keep the resentment towards the woman to herself.

"Gossip is a sin, child... She is very devoted to her duties. It is not my role to form opinions on her character." Elthina replied, as if she was disappointed with her.

"With all due respect your grace, then whose is it? She falls under your jurisdiction. I would figure that you would take an interest, in accessing the character of the people who answers to you. At the very least to ensure, that they do not abuse the power or neglect their responsibilities." Leila replied seriously.

"The Chantry's teachings are clear. Those who turn against them would not listen more to me than to Andraste." Elthina replied.

"If they do not listen, then one would assume that they are not fit for their positions."

"And you are the one to make that assessment?" Elthina raised an eyebrow.

"No, I am the one to ask the question so that others might make it... I am sorry for taking up your time." Leila said politely and walked away, well knowing that this was going nowhere.

"I cannot take sides, child." Elthina said as she left. Leila turned to look at her.

"I am not asking you to take sides. I am asking you to take responsibility." Leila replied with a sad expression, walking away and leaving Elthina with a stunned expression.

As she walked down from the podium, she noticed Anders had been waiting for her. His eyes were smiling as he looked at her with all the pride, adoration and admiration he felt. She didn't have to ask to know what made him feel this way. It was the same every time she stood up to forces opposing him, as it gave him hope.

"Hawke asked me to tell you he went to the Hanged Man. I am going there myself, if you would like the company." He said in the friendliest manner possible, not to give himself away.

"I would like that." She smiled back and they walked out of the chantry together.

"How can you say almost nothing and still make your point so clearly?" He chuckled.

"I don't know... I ask the questions and people have to find the answers themselves, I suppose." She shrugged and looked up at his endearing expression.

As they walked down the stairs to Lowtown Anders quickly dragged her into an empty alleyway without anyone noticing. He attacked her lips in a series of passionate kisses and she chuckled against his lips, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled away breathing heavily and grinning.

"I love you... Maker, I love you so much... What did I do to deserve you?" He sighed stroking her hair.

"You love me, that is reason enough." She replied and he lowered his lips to hers again.

He kissed her lips softly, taking his time savouring the flavour of her. He could feel her fingers running through the bottom part of his hair and caressing his neck. While deepening the kiss, he let his hands roam down her sides. He kissed her jaw line and smiled as she made a slight humming sound.

"I don't want to stop kissing you." He smiled kissing his way down her neck.

"I didn't tell you to stop." She smiled, but he pulled away with a regretful sigh.

"No, but the others are waiting for us and this place isn't exactly private... Come." He took her hand and started to talk out the alleyway. Leila pulled his hand to stop and he looked at her.

"I love you." She smiled gave him a soft kiss, before walking back into her world where they needed to hide.

They walked into the Hanged man and directly to Varric's suite. They were greeted in unison by Varric, Hawke, Fenris and Isabella, as Anders closed the door behind them. Leila gaped as she saw Hawke who had a nasty cut on his right arm.

"What happened, Garrett?" She asked concerned and Anders turned to look at his friend.

"Carta of all things. I can't imagine what I have done to piss the off... well not recently anyway." Hawke chuckled and Anders went to sit next to him and healed his arm.

"Isn't this the third time this month?" Anders asked as the wound started to close.

"Aw, you are keeping count? I didn't know you cared." Hawke chuckled.

"I am the one you come crying to every time you have as much as a bruise, so it's hard not too noticed." Anders replied coldly and Hawke just shrugged. Leila was about to take a seat next to Varric, but Anders took her hand and pulled her down to sit on his lap instead. She looked at him with surprise, before he claimed her lips.

"Get a room!" Fenris groaned.

"You can use mine if you like." Isabella offered with a grin.

"Thank you, I am quite capable of restraining myself." Leila replied with a glare and a small smile.

"But is Anders?" Hawke chuckled.

"Could we change the subject?" Anders grumbled.

"Hey, I prefer this subject to the bullshit we got from the Grand Cleric." Hawke grumbled.

"We do you keep going there anyway? I thought you two were supposed to avoid oppression." Isabella replied taking another sip of her drink.

"We were trying to prevent it, but that old biddy of a Grand Cleric won't take any action whatsoever." Anders grumbled.

"The grand cleric reminds me of my mother. A really tall version of Mother. With a nicer hat." Varric noted, undoubtedly wanting to change the subject and Leila gave him a sweet smile.

"Seriously, one of these days I am going to take the chant of light and hit her over the head." Hawke exclaimed with frustration.

"And she did not listen to your advice? Astonishing." Fenris remarked with dry sarcasm and Leila had to suppress a chuckle.

"Surely you must see that the Chantry go too far." Anders replied sternly.

"Must I? They are trying to control, what they have a good reason to fear." Fenris replied calmly.

"It's not about fear and danger. Everyone deserves to be free. Not just mages." Isabella argued.

"Yes, the chantry suppresses elves as well as mages. Even independent thought and new ideas are seen as a threat." Leila agreed.

"True, but not everyone is dangerous." Fenris countered.

"I disagree. Everyone is dangerous. We are all capable to pushed to a point, where we can do horrors we would not normally dream of." Leila replied.

"Not everyone attract demons and turn into abominations." Fenris sighed looking at her seriously.

"It doesn't take a demon to kill, Fenris. Or to lose control over yourself, you know this." Leila said kindly.

"Exactly. Any fool can become a danger to others if you give him a weapon." Anders replied.

"Not exactly a persuasive argument coming from an abomination." Fenris stated. Anders' eyes started flaring with anger and Leila carefully took his hand and placed it on the amulet. He smiled softly at her, as he grasped hold of it.

"This isn't about demons. This is about basic rights and equality for all. And if we are to talk of demons, quite frankly they are more honest than a person." Leila countered and Fenris' eyes widened and Anders' flared.

"You can't be serious!" Anders growled looking at her with disbelief. She gave him a sweet smiled and stroked his cheek.

"Let me explain... If I see a demon and it makes me an offer, I know it's going to trick me. I know that what it does is in its own interested alone. People on the other hand is as likely to stab you in the back as not. That makes them just as untrustworthy as a demon, only the chance that they might be friendly makes us more vulnerable to them." Leila explained and the anger on Anders' face disappeared.

"Tell me about it." Varric replied.

"And finally the abomination and bloodmages have convinced you that they are harmless." Fenris scoffed, but his expression turned surprised, as Leila's eyes became piercing. Anders and Hawke was both about to counter, but didn't get the chance.

"Don't you blame other people for my opinions. I'm a free person, capable of independent thought. Why would you insult my intelligence by assuming that I am mindless? Is that how I appear to you?" She replied sternly, as her cold eyes burrowed their way through him.

"Of course not. I... apologize. That was unworthy of me." Fenris replied a little shameful. Leila reached across the table and placed her had on his.

"I know... It's alright." She smiled sweetly and tried hard not to chuckle, as she felt Anders arms tighten possessively around her.

"Alright, enough with the depressing stuff. Wicked grace or diamond back?" Isabella smiled and began dealing the cards, as Hawke ordered another round of drinks.

"I'm sorry." Anders whispered into Leila's ear, as the others were talking. She gave him a look of adoration before giving him a kiss. He then noticed Varric looking at them.

"You're giving me that look again. What are you writing this time?" Anders asked scowling at Varric.

"So, you and Leila... I need some details. Did you go down on one knee? Did she jump you? Did you swear eternal vows of love, or is this just a physical thing?" Varric smiled with his usual inquisitive nature.

"I don't see how that's any of your business." Anders said coldly.

"Fine, but if you don't tell me, I'm just going to have to make it up." Varric threatened.

"He came in my window on a griffon and gave me a world tour of Thedas." Leila replied with a smile, looking at Anders who chuckled.

"And you didn't show it to Merrill? Aaww, she will be disappointed." Hawke laughed.

"Sunshine, you know I cannot bring Griffons into a story, with them being extinct and all." Varric replied with a grin.

"Since, when has realism stopped you?" Leila chuckled.

"Fair point." Varric chuckled.

"I'm going to go home." Leila smiled and got up from the table.

"Want me to come with you, love?" Anders asked looking up at her.

"No, you enjoy yourself for a little while. You need it." She smiled and kissed him, before leaving the room.


	34. Chapter 34 Family reunion I

Family reunion I

Hawke and Anders were walking up from Lowtown and to Hightown after spending the most of the day in the Hanged Man.

"You shouldn't have played that last hand, Anders." Hawke chuckled.

"Yes, isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?" Anders grumbled sarcastically, but quickly caught Hawke's arm as he stumbled.

"And you shouldn't have had that last drink." Anders grinned.

"Hey, don't sass me just because your roommate doesn't drink." Hawke grumbled.

"You should be thankful to him. That "roommate" is the reason that this roommate isn't crawling up the Lowtown stairs on his own." Anders chuckled, who was now practically bearing all of Hawke's weight.

"For someone as skinny and pasty as you, you're surprisingly strong. Who would have guessed?" Hawke smirked.

"I'm also surprisingly tolerant, considering you smell worse than Darktown." Anders shot back with a grin.

They finally reached the Amell estate and Hawke decided that he could walk on his own. They put down their staves and took of their boots in the entryway, when they heard two familiar voices coming from the living room. One of them was Leandra's and the other a male voice.

"It can't be?" Hawke said with disbelief looking at Anders, who shrugged in reply.  
They walked into the living room and saw Carver talking to Leandra. He turned with a crooked grin and Hawke walked straight towards him and gave him a big hug. He then rested his hands on his shoulder and stepped back.

"My, you have grown little brother." Hawke chuckled.

"So have you. Too much ale I gather." Carver replied gently punching Hawke's gut (not that he really had one).

"Hey! Hands of the flesh. Just because you hide yours under that massive armour of yours." Hawke retorted.

"Isn't brotherly camaraderie delightful?" Anders smirked as the sarcasm dripped from his voice.

"Anders! Now there is someone I haven't missed." Carver replied wryly.

"Boys, please. Surely your childishness can be pushed aside. Come on into the dining room and we will have something to eat." Leandra smiled.

"Sorry Leandra. I'll go get Leila." Anders replied with a smile and was on his way up the stairs.

"She isn't home." Leandra replied.

"Did she say where she went?" Anders asked concerned.

"No, I haven't seen her since she left with you this afternoon." Leandra replied.

"She is probably with Merrill or Aveline, Anders. Don't jump head first into thoughts of doom." Hawke smirked and Anders nodded.

"Leila? Is that the girl you have living with you?" Carver asked.

"Yes... We have quite the story to tell you." Hawke sighed.

They walked into the dining room and spent the next hour talking. Hawke explained what had happened with Leila. Carver was almost constantly shaking his head at his brother's foolishness. Hawke told about everything that had happened the three years, which Carver had been gone. Though they had been in contact through letters, neither of them were very dedicated to writing each other. After getting all this information Carver was still shaking his head, but smiling wryly.

"You always get yourself in trouble. How do you cope without me?" Carver chuckled.

"Skill, wit and a charming personality." Hawke replied with a chuckle.

"So let me see if I got this straight. You perform some stupid ass ritual and summon a girl from another world. You then realise you can't sent her back and let her live with you. You then adopt her as your cousin. Did I get it right so far?" Carver asked.

"That pretty much summons it up." Anders replied, looking at Hawke with a disapproving smirk.

"Don't give me that look. Like you are not happy with the arrangement." Hawke smirked knowingly and Anders had to chuckle.

"Alright and after all that, now she lives here together with Anders, while you live here with Merrill?" Carver continued.

"And he got all the details right the first time. The wardens have made you smarter!" Hawke replied with a grin.

"Maker! Why can't my family be normal?" Carver chuckled.

"You will like her Carver. She is a sweet girl." Leandra smiled and Carver reached for her hand.

"I'm glad you have the company mother." Carver said fondly.

Leandra got up to get some more tea and kissed Carvers forehead before leaving. When she left the three men looked seriously at each other.

"Not that I'm not pleased to see you, but I get the feeling this isn't a social call." Hawke began.

"Indeed not. I was attacked by Carta at the Wardens keep in Ansburg a few days ago. I mean how daft are they to think they would succeed." Carver shook his head with a grin.

"I have been attacked by Carta several times the past weeks. That can't be a coincidence." Hawke replied.

"We should talk to Varric, he might know something." Anders suggested.

"Good idea. I just don't get what they want without family." Hawke shook his head and a chill shivered down Anders' spine.

"Oh, Maker. Please, let me be wrong." Ander whispered.

"**Ebony!**" Anders called standing up as he turned pale.

"You don't think that they...? Oh shit!" Hawke replied getting up and both he and Carver followed Anders out to the hallway. Anders had already put on his boots and was kneeling in front of Ebony.

"We need to find Leila, fast." Anders emphasized to the dog who gave a bark in responds.

"Mother, we are going to talk to Varric. We will be back later." Hawke shouted, as the three men followed the dog out the door.

Ebony followed the trail as Anders hurried after him, with Hawke and Carver just behind. Anders heart was pounding painfully in his chest and his lungs burning from his rapid breathing, as he ran passed the merchants and citizens. He feared the worst and Justice was close to the surface, feeding of his fears and worries. Ebony led them through Lowtown and into one of the alleyways. Ebony suddenly stopped and howled. Anders' blood ran cold, as he saw blood on the ground and signs of struggle, while barrels were pushed over and crates broken. He kneeled down and examined the ground. He heard Hawke and Carver stand behind him.

"The trail ends here then?" Hawke asked breathing heavily.

"Yes, there is blood, but not enough to have been lethal." Anders replied trying to keep his voice steady.

"We need to see if we can find someone who saw something... We will find her, Anders. You are not the only one who doesn't want to lose her." Hawke replied holding his hand on Anders' shoulder.

A boy walked out from one of the houses and looked somewhat shaken. He was about eight or nine years old.

"Hey boy. Did you see anyone fighting here?" Carver asked and the boy looked a little hesitant. Anders looked at the boy.

"Your name is Darryl, right? You had pneumonia a few weeks ago." Anders said in a friendly voice, trying to suppress the screaming of his heart.

"You're the healer!" The boy said brightly and walked over to him.

"We need to know what happened here." Hawke said with a smile.

"I was playing outside, when these dwarves came. They looked very angry, so I hid. They were dragging a woman along, but she didn't want to go with them."The boy explained.

"Go on. You can trust us." Carver smiled.

"She bit the one holding her and kicked and punched. One of them got a nosebleed." The boy explained.

"From the amount of blood she probably broke his nose." Hawke smirked with pride.

"What did the woman look like?" Anders asked franticly.

"Not tall and light brown hair."

"What way did they take her?!" Anders asked shaking the boy lightly and they boy pointed in a direction out of Kirkwall.

"How long ago was this?" Carver asked.

"After midday I think." The boy replied.

Anders and Ebony began running, but Hawke and Carver caught up to him and stopped him. Anders tried to pull away, but Hawke held his shoulder. Anders looked at him and a flare of blue went through his eyes.

"Anders, they are long gone by now. Our best bet is to use Varric's contacts." Hawke reasoned.

"**I will not sit by and wait, while she is out there!**" Anders roared.

"If they wanted her dead, they would have killed her by now. Varric is our best chance of finding her. Come on and let us do this quickly." Hawke replied and Anders stared at him for a few moments before nodding.

-OOO-

Waiting in the Hanged Man for Varric to return with information from his contacts was absolute torture. No more so than for Hawke and Anders. Anders was pacing back and forth. Merrill was sitting nervously trying to say something comforting once in a while, but not succeeding. Isabella was sitting with a bottle of whisky ever so often wanting to take a sip, but then not doing it anyway. Fenris was starring out the window with a grim expression on his face, while tapping his fingers. Hawke was sitting looking down into his ale, while Carver was next to him.

"I have never seen any of them this nervous." Carver said in a low voice to Hawke.

"None of us have been kidnapped before." Hawke replied and Carver nodded with understanding.

When Varric finally came into the room, all of their gazes turned to him.

"What did you find out?" Anders asked desperately.

"According to my contacts she has been taken to some place in the Vimmark Mountains. They are after your family, Hawke, but no one seems to know why. Good news is I know where to go. Bad news is they have a seven hour lead." Varric replied.

"Alright. Anders, go back to your clinic and bring as many potions as you can carry. The rest of us need to get our bedrolls and get out of here as quickly as possible." Hawke instructed and within half an hour they were on their way.

-OOO-

When they arrived at the location it was almost midday. They had been travelling all night, on the back of a wagon Hawke had hired, in order to get there as quickly as possible. Hawke had convinced all of his companions to come, since they needed to spread out and find Leila quickly. The Carta were not known for releasing prisoners, after they had served their purpose. Hawke wondered if they were trying to blackmail him, but the Carta was not known for that. And even if they were, why bring her to such a remote location? It was not like there weren't places to hide in Kirkwall. They had all tried to get some rest during the night, but Anders hadn't succeeded. If any harm should come to Leila, he was unsure what would become of him. Merrill sat next to him and looked at him with a soft expression, as he was starring into the distance.

"We will find her Anders. I am sure we will." She comforted and as Anders looked at her he saw the genuine worry. She was afraid to lose her friend.

"Thank you, Merrill." He replied, but was unable to smile. The feeling of frustration and desperation was flowing through his veins like a disease. Fear was grasping the essence of Justice, making him almost impossible to keep under wraps. He slammed his fist into the side of the wagon.

"**I shouldn't have let her go alone!**" He growled at himself.

"Come now, Blondie. She has taken that walk over a thousand times and nothing has ever happened to her. It was even in broad daylight." Varric tried to comfort.

"If anyone is responsible for this, it's me. I should have realised that the Carta was up to something." Hawke replied, with guilt evident in his voice.

"The Maker and Andraste will guide us to her." Sebastian offered with reassurance.

"The Maker left us long ago. He will not help us now." Anders spat, but Ebony nudged his hand and gave a bark, as if to remind him that he would. Anders stroked the dog fondly and found it odd that this creature was the only one capable of giving him true comfort.  
They finally stopped and all of them got down from the wagon. Anders looked around with and the adrenalin was pumping in his veins. It took all of his self-control not to just charge closer, but it would not help Leila to get killed. They walked towards to the location and Varric kept looking at the map and into the distance with a confused expression.

"And there it is." Varric began as the continued to walk closer.

"It doesn't look all that dwarven." Carter noted.

"These are Carta dwarfs, criminals and smugglers more than anything else. They are not usually stupid, though. I don't know why they would attack you."

"I still can't believe the snuck into the Wardens keep to get at me." Carver shook his head.

"Don't feel left out. They have been trying to get at me for a month." Hawke chuckled.

"You have a plan then? I found their hideout, but beyond that and that they were after your family, my contact couldn't tell me anything else. It's all very strange." Varric said scratching his head.

"Oh, I am sure this is all a misunderstanding. Later we will all have tea and we'll laugh." Hawke grinned.

"Oh, your name is Hawke? I thought it was Lock." Varric chuckled.

"Yes, we were looking for some other combination of general and ringmaster." Carver smirked.

"Do I need to remind you, that Leila is in there somewhere and could be hurt... or worse?" Anders spat as he pasted them with Ebony next to him huffing with disapproval.

"No, Blondie. The laughs just hide the pain." Varric sighed.

"Aw, Anders even got the dog to brood." Hawke replied with faked disappointment.

"The wardens knew I could not let you do this alone. Not after an attack on both of us." Carver stated.

"We better get over with this quickly." Aveline hurried.

"Yes, let's go." Hawke agreed and they all picked up the pace.

As they got closer to they could hear voice calling in the distance and saw small shadows disappearing in all directions. Ebony was leading the way following his mistresses sent. They had only passed the first ruins, when they were intercepted by dwarves.

"The children of Malcolm Hawke. You have come." The leader began.

"How could I refuse such a delightfully worded invitation?" Hawke remarked sarcastically.

"We must have the blood." The dwarf replied.

"I hope you don't mean my blood." Hawke replied.

The dwarf signalled to his comrades and arrows started flying all around them. Sebastian, Varric and Merrill began taking out the archers, as the rest of them charged forward against the dwarves. Even though he was trying to concentrate on his healing, Anders felt the constant reminder of his aching heart, as it was praying to any force within the laws and religions of Thedas, that Leila had not yet met her fate. That she was still alive. The exact moment the last dwarf fell Anders ran towards them to find one who was still alive. When he found one that was still breathing, he fell down on his knees next to him and healed him. The others looked curiously at him, but said nothing. When done he grabbed dwarf by the throat and in a forceful movement pounded his head into the ground. He could feel Justice penetrating the surface slowly and this was confirmed, when he saw the blue cracks on his hand and the eyes of the unfortunate dwarf widened.

"G-great ancestors!" He exclaimed, his voice trembling with fear.

"You took a young woman! What did you do with her?" Anders demanded, with Justice's voice echoing in his.

"I-I have not seen a woman." He stammered. Fenris and Hawke walked over looking down at the dwarf as well. Fenris' tattoos were flashing and Hawke hands engulfed in electricity.

"Think carefully." Fenris said in a deadly low growl.

"Where is she?!" Anders demanded again, tightening the grip on the dwarf's throat. The dwarf was chocking and gasping for air. Hawke placed a hand on Anders' shoulder and as they looked at each other understanding passed between them. Anders let go of the dwarf.

"Now be a good little dwarf and tell me what we want to know." Hawke said with an almost sadistic smirk and shocked the dwarf. The dwarf's body momentarily bucked in pain.

"I-I'll say nothing!" The dwarf spat.

"So much loyalty is rarely seen in the Carta. Very well. Fenris, would you do the honours?" Hawke smiled.

"With pleasure." Fenris replied and drove his fist into the dwarf's chest.

"**Tell us!**" Anders demanded and slammed his staff into the ground next to the dwarf's head.

"Alright... We took a girl. After we failed to capture the Hawke, we decided to watch the mansion. We overheard the Mistress refer to a daughter. According to our information Malcolm Hawke had three children, so we decided to get to the girl." The dwarf explained.

"Where is she now?" Aveline asked.

"In the buildings just ahead. Will you let me go?" The dwarf begged and Fenris looked to Hawke, who nodded. Fenris released him and he ran away from the ruins.

They followed the path and the further they got the more dwarves were in their path. This did not help Anders' patience. He wanted to find her and he wanted to find her that instant. Justice was barely controlling himself, only the reminder that he needed to be in control for Leila's sake, kept him from surrendering. Truthfully he wanted to release Justice on them. Let them get a taste of vengeance, but in the end finding her quickly was more important than his justice... his vengeance. Finding her would be quicker with the help of the others. He needed them to find her, to bring her back to him safely. So many dwarves. The number seemed endless and he was losing it. He could feel himself losing control, but he would not allow it. He closed his eyes as his hand went to the amulet, grabbing it tightly until his hand turned completely white. They finally got inside the building. Hawke made them divide into two teams in order to widen the search. Anders, Hawke, Isabella and Aveline went in one direction and the others in another. Keeping his temper in check, as Isabella tried to open the different locks to cells and rooms, was almost impossible for Anders.

"Blasted Isabella! Hurry **up!**" He snapped.

"Do you want to do this yourself? Oh, that right, you can't. So shut up!" Isabella snapped back, but then Fenris came running after them.

"**Mage!** We need you! We found her!" Fenris growled, but the white expression his face sent a chill down Anders' spine. The all ran after Merrill that led to one of the rooms. As they entered the rooms the faces of their companions were dismal and heartbroken. Varric starred into the ground kicking the dirt, Merrill was whimpering, Aveline looked at them with a mournful expression, while Carver gave a heavy sigh. Anders shook his head and his heart was pounding painfully, as he pushed his way past them. He looked into one of the cells and saw Sebastian holding Leila, who was laying completely limb on the ground. There was blood on her clothes and on the ground. She was horrifyingly pale and there was no movement. Sebastian was holding her wrist firmly, as it was covered with a piece of cloth, which was already soaked with blood.

"No! Don't be dead! **Please!**" Anders cried heartbroken, as he ran towards her and fell to his knees.


	35. Chapter 35 Family reunion II

Family reunion II

Leila looked down at herself wrapped in Sebastian's arms. She saw a gold thread connecting her body and spirit, but its glow was growing fainter. She looked at Sebastian and took in his face. Anders had been right... he did love her. Perhaps she should be sad, but she wasn't. Life was hard and had always been a struggle. She knew she had more lifetimes to go, but she had hope that the next one would be easier. She smiled as she felt a familiar presence behind her. A friend.

"Always the difficult path." Death shook his head and stood next to her.

"I guess I must have a masochistic nature." She smirked.

She looked at her body and the golden tread keeping her alive began flashing. It wouldn't be long now. The blood flowed from her body and the cloth Sebastian held tightly to her arm was soaked. Blood was dripping from it. Her skin was turning pale and her chest had stopped moving. She looked at her friends and from their faces you could tell, they knew that death would soon claim her.

"I should have realised this would be the price. Karma really sucks." She chuckled regretfully.

"Karma... It is as much your thoughts, as it is your actions that drive it. Destiny can be shaped, but not changed." Death replied.

"So destiny is predetermined and still capable of changing at the same time?" She asked curiously looking at him and he nodded.

"Some have already been set in motion from actions in the past, where others have yet to be determined by actions in the future." Death said looking at her.

"For every action there is a reaction. Though in this case I guess Murphy's law applies better." Leila breathed with a regretful chuckle.

"Everything that can go wrong will go wrong... That only applies if you believe it." Death replied in a friendly voice.

"I'm pretty sure gravity is in effect if I believe in it or not." She replied with a smirk.

"True, but there is a difference between the physical plane and the mental plane. Look at your friend." Death began as he pointed to Sebastian.

"His religion is what keeps him going. He takes comfort in it and it drives him. He prays and in some form or another, the laws of existence respond. To him it is the Maker that responds. If you believe that everything will go wrong and everything will cause you suffering, then that is what life will bring you." Death explained.

"And because I have convinced myself that life is painful, that is what I will keep receiving." Leila replied with understanding.

She saw Anders running towards her. Justice's voice shook the realm, as they screamed in agony. She could feel his pain and her heart was breaking. She loved him and leaving him alone in an empty existence, where only their need for Justice and vengeance would rule, was tormenting her mind and heart. She looked at the tread and it had almost stopped glowing and was crumbling.

"I didn't want to cause him anymore pain. I wanted to prevent it. I never thought this would be the price. I'm so sorry my love." Leila said in a broken voice and her ghostly hand caressed his cheek. Death's skeleton hand stroked her ghostly hair lovingly.

"My little soul." He said fondly, with pain and remorse in his voice, as he kept stroking her. She felt sorry for Death. He did not take lives because he enjoyed it, but because it was the law of existence. He was so feared, but he seemed gentle, compassionate and even caring. As if it was his duty to comfort the spirits that left the mortal realm. He pulled forth his scythe and let the blade run across the tread of Leila's life.

-OOO-

Anders fell to his knees before Leila and almost violently pushed Sebastian away. Sebastian had the good sense to back away, knowing that the man was grieving. Ebony was sitting on the opposite side from Anders and gently nudged to Leila's leg with his nose. Anders removed the cloth from her wrist and saw a deep cut from her wrist to the crook of her arm. He summoned all his strength and pushed his magic into her. He felt Justice stir and the blue glow in his hands intensified.

"Love, hold on... Please, hold on." He begged in a broken voice.

As he pumped his magic into her, he could feel a pulse. It was very weak, but it was there. A few minutes later, or had Sebastian not held that cloth in place, all hope would have been lost. She had lost so much blood, but there were no signs of struggle. She was so cold and his heart ached to feel it. He was so focused on his task, that he didn't notice Hawke kneeling down next to him. Hawke handed him a mana potion and lifted Leila's head onto his lap. Hawke carefully stroked her hair and cursed himself for being absolutely useless with healing magic. Merrill sat down on the other side and placed her hands over the wound and began healing as well. Merrill's healing was not strong, but she had learned enough so that she could heal her own wounds, inflicted by her bloodmagic.

"Drink the potion Anders and I'll keep her steady, while you do." Merrill said softly.

Anders nodded and hesitantly removed his hands, before quickly drinking the potion. He placed his hands on her arm and began healing her again. Her pulse increased and slowly the wound began to close itself. Hawke took a dagger from his belt and held it in front of her mouth and nose. He looked at the blade and a fog appeared on it.

"Her breathing is getting stronger." He smiled, wanting to hope, but desperately trying not to.

"Come on, sweetheart... You can't die on me." Anders pleaded, looking at her with a pained expression and tears in his eyes.  
He closed his eyes and summoned every bit of strength he had. At this moment he praised Elissa for conscripting him. Had he not been a warden, he would not even have the power to keep her alive, let alone save her. Her skin began closing and he could feel her pulse becoming normal. Leila took a deep breath and Anders gave a laugh of relief as tears fell from his eyes.

"She'll make it!" He said ecstatically and gathered her in his arms, kissing her forehead.  
Everyone gave a sigh of relief, as if they had all been holding their breath for an eternity. Ebony jumped around barking with happiness. Hawke began laughing loudly from joy and Isabella pulled forth a small bottle of whisky and her, Aveline and Varric toasted. Sebastian began to pray and thank the Maker, while Merrill gave Anders a hug from behind. Fenris walked closer.

"How is she?" He asked with concern.

"She has lost a lot of blood and will be unconscious for the next few hours at least. I should be able to help her regenerate the blood quickly, but I will have to wait for my mana to return." Anders explained.

"Alright... Let us find somewhere to make camp and then we will go after those scum, when we have gotten some rest." Hawke ordered. Sebastian reached to carry Leila, but Anders gave him an angry glare. Hawke sighed and placed a hand on Anders' shoulder.

"You are fatigued, Anders. Let him carry her... otherwise you might just drop her." Hawke smirked and reluctantly Anders let Sebastian carry her.

"Fenris, did your group run into any Carta in here?" Hawke asked getting up.

"No, but they are bound to be somewhere." Fenris replied.

"They must have patrols of some sort. We should get out of sight, until we have all gathered our strength." Aveline stated.

"If we go up on the roof, we will be able to see them coming and it will take time for them to reach us." Carver offered.

"Good thinking Junior and any patrols will get a kiss from Bianca." Varric said patting his crossbow.

"We should look around first and see what we can find." Isabella offered.

"You just want to look for something to steal." Hawke chuckled knowingly.

"That doesn't mean it's not a good idea." Isabella replied with faked offense.

"Alright. Varric, Sebastian, Merill, Aveline and Anders, you take Leila and find somewhere to make camp. The rest of us will look for clues... and bounty." Hawke smiled.

Hawke gave Merrill a small kiss before they left and Merrill walked over to Anders. She reached for his hand and helped him up, before letting him rest on her. Anders looked at her with surprise, but smiled at her kindness. He sighed heavily as he saw Sebastian carrying Leila. At the smallest sign of affection towards her and Anders' jealousy would spiral out of control. Anders knew that Leila loved him, but the fact that the prince could offer her everything she needed in this world made him fearful. He wished that he could give her all those things. Not necessarily great riches, but simply a life without fear, was what he wished above all else. That was what the cause of mages should lead too; a free life with her. That was what all mages forced into the circle had a right too. Anders looked at Merrill who had wrapped his arm around her shoulders for support.

"This is not necessary Merrill." Anders said with a smile.

"Yes it is. Your mana reserves are dangerously low... I'm sorry I was not of more help." Merrill replied.

"You were a great help, without you... Thank you." He replied honestly.

"You are welcome." Merrill smiled and they walked after the others.

They walked outside and Varric pointed towards a roof that would be suitable. Sebastian gently put Leila on the ground and let his hand caress her cheek. Anders wanted to roast him with a fireball, but held his anger in check. Anders let go of Merrill and kneeled down next to Leila. Her breathing was normal, but she was still very pale and cold. He let his thumb gently stroke her cheek. Sebastian found a ladder and climbed up onto the roof, making sure it was suitable for their purpose. Varric and Merrill made a carrier, which made it possible to get Leila up there as well. Anders climbed up the ladder. Aveline and Sebastian pulled Leila up and Sebastian placed her on a bedroll. The sun had almost gone down and stars were beginning to show. Thankfully it didn't look like it was going to rain. Anders was sitting with his back against the stone railing, with Leila lying next to him on his bedroll. She had been cold for a long time and he had found bruises on her body and flesh wounds on the back of her legs. Varric and Sebastian were sitting behind the railing looking down, to look for patrols and the others return. Merrill was sleeping and Aveline was walking back and forth surveying the area. The others only knew a direction, not the actually hiding place. Anders touched Leila's cheek and sighed with relief, as a bit of heat had returned to her. Ebony was lying on the opposite side of her, watching and protecting his mistress. Anders took one of her arms and let his hand roam up and down it while giving off heat. He was reminded if the first time he saw her, lying completely still and unconscious. She was so beautiful to him.

"Anders..." She whispered with smile.

"I'm here, love. I'm right here." He smiled and had to try hard to keep his tears from falling. Her eyes fluttered open and she tried to sit up.

"Careful, love. You have lost a lot of blood. You will probably feel very lightheaded." He said softly and helped her to sit. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed into her hair. She looked up at him and he claimed her lips. He wanted to kiss her breathless, but he had to be very careful with her. So instead his lips brushed hers in a soft kiss.

"I almost lost you... I love you so much." He breathed against her lips and his tears fell.

"I love you too." She smiled and dried his tears.

"Leila, you're awake." Aveline smiled and walked over to them and kneeled down.

"Sunshine!" Varric exclaimed happily in a whisper and Sebastian turned with a bright smile as well. Leila smiled and waved at them. Ebony gave a concerned whine before placing his head in her lap. She then leaned her back against Anders' chest, who held her tight to give her some warmth.

"How did you end up in this mess?" Aveline asked in a low voice.

"I was halfway through Lowtown, when a dwarf started to fight with a merchant. Some other dwarves took the opportunity to push me into an alleyway. One of them cut the back of my legs so I fell to my knees and someone else put a piece of cloth over my mouth. I managed to give the one holding me an elbow in the face and bite the one with the cloth, but I passed out anyway. Everything gets blurry from there, but I remember them saying something about the daughter of Hawke." Leila explained with confusion.

"They must have thought you were Bethany. They were obviously not that well informed." Aveline replied shaking her head.

"Do you remember anything else?" Aveline then asked.

"No, nothing." Leila replied in earnest and Aveline nodded, before standing up and walking away.

"You said I lost blood?" Leila asked looking at Anders, whose expression became pained.

"They drained blood from you and left you to die. Had I arrived minutes later it would..." Anders' voice croaked.

"Shhh... I am right here, love. And probably thanks to you." She smiled and stroked his cheek.

He claimed her lips in a heated kiss empowered by all the fear and grief he had felt. Suddenly Varric and Sebastian aimed down from the building, but a few moments later Sebastian lowered his bow and Varric shot a single arrow. Sebastian then lowered the ladder and up came the others. Hawke was the first one to come up the ladder and a wide grin formed on his face as he saw her. He walked over to her and kneeled down and gave her a long hug.

"Be careful, Hawke. She is still weak." Anders cautioned.

"You just want all the love for yourself." Hawke chuckled, before he turned and beckoned Carver to get closer.

"This is my brother, Carver. This is our cousin Leila." Hawke smiled and Carver gave her his hand.

"It is a pleasure to meet you. Garrett has told me much about you, as have mother." Carver smiled.

"Likewise." Leila smiled.

"Oh, and you have my sympathy. Putting up with these two fools, on a daily basis can be exhausting." Carver chuckled, pointing at Anders and Hawke.

"And yet I am the one with the girl." Anders remarked a little irritable, but smiled as Leila stroked his jaw.

"Yes, Carver. Where is your girl?" Hawke chuckled.

"I figured I could just take one of yours." Carver chuckled jokingly.

"I'm not sure I enjoy being referred to as if I were a piece of meat." Leila noted with a mock glare and Anders kissed her cheek, as Hawke and Carver chuckled.

"Not to change the subject, but we found this." Hawke reached into his pocket and gave Anders the note.

"I have never heard of dwarves using bloodmagic... but they are obviously after you for something. I'm guessing Coryphaeus is some kind of demon?" Anders replied after reading the note.

"I guess we will have to ask him. We also found an orb of some kind. Going to check it out, after we have gotten some rest. Aveline and Varric will you take the first watch?" Hawke replied before yawning. They nodded and he and Carver walked over to their bedrolls.

"I'm cold." Leila said in a low voice and shivered. Anders kissed her temple and lay down next to her. She cuddled up against him, resting her head on his chest and he held both arms around her. He gave a sigh of relief as he felt her close to him. He had never been this afraid in his life. The feeling of losing her was just as excruciating, as he had feared.

-OOO-

Anders awoke by Hawke gently shaking him awake. The sun had just started rising and apparently Anders had been the only one not to have a watch during the night. Anders had to smile. Hawke had probably thought that he needed the rest, after using so much of his energy on healing Leila. As carefree and foolish as his friend seemed, he was a good leader. Always looking out for everyone, making sure they were not abandoned and taking their needs into account. He was as loyal to them as they were to him. He gestured for Anders to follow him and he nodded in reply. He looked down at Leila and smiled as colour had returned to her face. He gently tried to move her of him, as her head was still resting on his chest, but she awoke. He kissed her softly.

"Go back to sleep, love." He whispered, but she shook her head.

"No, that's alright." She replied and got up.

They both walked over to Hawke who looked down from the building. Leila and Anders looked in the same direction were Hawke pointed.

"Does that look familiar to you?" Hawke asked with a grim expression looking at Anders.

"More deeproads... Wonderful." Anders groaned sarcastically.

"But that is not the best of it. Look in that direction." Hawke replied and pointed to a place in another direction. Anders' and Leila's eyes widened looking at the construction.

"There's a... whole tower down there. I have never seen anything like it." Anders said with amazement.

"The architecture is amazing. Is it dwarven?" Leila asked in awe.

"Only the dwarves would be crazy enough to build something like this, Sunshine." Varric commented.

"We will need to go after the Carta. If we don't, chances are they will just come after us again." Hawke sighed heavily.

"Alright, then let's go." Leila said with determination and walked over to pack up the bedroll.

"Us? You are not coming, love." Anders replied seriously.

"What do you suggest, Anders? You are needed here and going back to Kirkwall on my own, will be just as risky." Leila replied with a sigh.

"You are not coming with us!" He replied with angry determination.

"They came after **me**. They tried to kill **me**. And I know you want to protect me, but I am not a child. I don't know why you and Fenris insist on treating me as if I were." She replied firmly.

"Hawke, help me out here." Anders requested looking at his friend.

"I can't decide anything until the other return. Isabella is scouting to see how many Carta we face. Carver, Aveline, Fenris and Merrill are investigating that orb we found yesterday." Hawke replied looking out over the area.

"You are not a soldier, Leila. You have no means of defending yourself." Sebastian argued.  
Quickly she picked up his bow and arrow and aimed for the lock on the gate. She hit the keyhole and the arrow got stuck. All of them looked at her with widened eyes and Ebony gave a huff of pride.

"Nice shot, Sunshine!" Varric smiled.

"My little cousin is growing up." Hawke teased, as he with dramatics removed an imaginary tear. Leila made a heavy sigh and handed Sebastian his bow.

"I am being irrational aren't I?" She said rubbing her forehead and Anders went to stand in front of her.

"I understand you're angry and you want to be sure they don't hurt any of us, but there is nothing you can do. Please love... I can't risk losing you." He said softly looking down at her.

"I hate feeling helpless." She replied bitterly. Anders pulled her close.

"I know... I know exactly how you feel." He whispered softly into her ear.

"So what now?" Leila asked.

"I will take you back." Sebastian offered ignoring the glare he got from Anders.

"That sounds like the best solution." Hawke replied.

"Thank you." Leila replied in a low voice with a smile, but reached for Anders' hand. She didn't want to be alone with Sebastian, but she realised that this was the safest option. She was afraid that even a friendly gesture would encourage him. Perhaps it was wrong, but this actually helped Anders push aside his jealousy. He kissed her hand and she gave him a soft smile. Suddenly Carver, Aveline, Fenris and Merrill returned in a haste.

"Bad news, brother. That orb you found... it summoned a dead mage and fifty skeleton archers. Getting past them will be difficult. Why do you always get me into these things?" Carver called while breathing heavily looking up at the roof, where they were.

"Great! When Isabella comes back we will all take care of it. Someday I'll visit a place with no ancient evils, horrors, devouring plagues, or insanity. Maybe a beach." Hawke replied.

"The day you go to the beach is the day an armada of angry demon pirates shows up." Varric said with a smirk.

"Hawke! More are coming!" Fenris called and they all drew their weapons.

Isabella appeared running with a large number of Carta behind her. Anders pushed Leila behind him and started shooting from the roof. The dwarves were quickly disposed of and they got down from the roof. Leila took a deep breath, as she saw the bodies on the ground. Their wounds have been made through their armour and were barely visible, but the ground was red from blood. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Don't worry, sweetness, you'll get use to it." Isabella tried to comfort.

"Maybe I don't want to get used to it... and if I do, that might terrify me more than anything." Leila replied with a sigh and kneeled down next to one of the dwarf gently stroking his cheek. Aveline walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We do what we have to, in order to keep innocents and those we care for safe. It's not pretty, but it is necessary." She explained.

"I know. I am not against having an army or fighting to protect, but I do very much regret that it is necessary." Leila replied and got up.

Anders studied her expression. There was no fear, but only heartfelt sadness and regret. He knew that she would never kill a man. Hurt him, yes, but she would never take his life. This was both her weakness and her strength.

"Care to explain what happened, Isabella?" Hawke enquired.

"They are everywhere and they might know we are here." Isabella smirked with a carefree attitude.

"And how did they find out I wonder." Fenris remarked sarcastically.

"So let's sum up. We have a nasty dead mage, with a small army of undead archers that way and some pissed of Carta in that direction." Hawke grinned.

"So we're trapped? That's just bloody great!" Carver grumbled.

"We should go after the Carta first. Those are the numbers we are unsure of. Then we can take care of the mage on our way back." Aveline replied.

"Agreed." Hawke replied.

"What about Leila?" Anders asked concerned and Hawke sighed and picked up one of the bows on the ground.

"Looks like you'll get some archery lessons today, cousin. Stay close to Anders and at a distance." Hawke replied and handed her the bow.

"Just a precaution. Isabella, did you find any armour while snooping around?" Hawke continued.

"I saw an armour rack, inside this building, we might be able to find some armour that fits you, Leila." Sebastian replied and pointed in the direction.

"Come and I'll help you find something." Anders told Leila and led her into the building.


	36. Chapter 36 Family Reunion III

Family Reunion III

Anders walked over to the armour rack and Leila opened a chest on the floor. She found a tunic and began opening her corset, so she could remove her torn and bloodied shirt. She felt Anders hands on her shoulder and he turned her around. He said nothing, but pushed her hands away and began opening her corset. He was afraid and to be honest so was she. She was not used to these things and she did not belong out here. Her anger had first encouraged her to go along, but now fear was holding her back. She feared that Anders would concentrate so much, on keeping her safe, that he would neglect to watch out for himself and get hurt. He removed the corset and placed it on top of the chest before he began unbutton her shirt. She looked at him, but his eyes didn't meet hers. He pushed the shirt of her shoulders and she reached to touch his cheek. He grabbed hold of her hand and kissed it firmly. He then kissed her down the arm, where she had been wounded, before putting his other hand on her neck and pulled her close for a bruising kiss.

"You shouldn't be here. This is all my fault." He breathed his voice full of regret and she made him look at him.

"None of this is your fault. You have always done everything in your power to keep me safe. If something happens, it will not be because of you." She comforted and gave him a kiss. He sighed and reached for the tunic.

"You better put this on and I'll see if I can find some amour that will fit you." He replied and Leila put on the tunic and her corset on top of it.

Anders came over to her with some leather padding and helped strip it on to her thighs. He handed her several pair of gloves and when she found a pair that fit, she cut of the fingertips. Anders found a belt with a sheath for a dagger and strapped it around her waist and onto her leg. Leila found a coat that looked a little like Varric's only longer and darker. She tried it on and though it fit in length it was a little too wide. Ander took a belt and adjusted the size of the coat in the back. He then found a quiver with arrows and strapped it onto her back. It was unnecessary that he did this, but he needed to make sure himself, that she was armoured probably and she knew he felt this way. She put her hair in a long braid, making sure it wouldn't get in the way. Anders made a heavy sigh looking at her. The white tunic that reached to her knees, the black corset on top of it, the longish dark coat, the trousers that now had extra dark leather padding on top of them. Though, she looked beautiful and prepared, he never wanted to see her this way. Never wanted her to be in a position, where she could be harmed. She walked over and kissed him.

"Stay close to me, no matter what happens. Promise me." He said seriously.

"I promise. We better get going." She replied and stroked his cheek.

They walked outside to the others, who were discussing strategy. Hawke looked at them.

"Good you are ready. Anders we are going to go in as a group. There seem to be far more than we anticipated, so we can't afford to divide into groups. Leila you will stay close to Anders at all times. Anders, I just want you to focus on healing us. Now we go in and bust some Carta and go home." Hawke said the last part cheerfully.

"Sure, it will be easy." Carver remarked sarcastically.

They walked inside and for a long time it was quiet and abandoned. It seemed that whatever patrol there had been there had followed Isabella out earlier. Ebony and Anders kept close to Leila at all times. Leila had never seen Anders appreciate the dog, as much as he did now. Leila was surprised at how calm they all were, as her own heart was beating at the speed of light. As if he felt her anxiousness, Anders reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. As they walked a lone dwarf suddenly came running towards them.

"The Hawke's blood! The Master will rise. He must be free!" The dwarf replied standing still.

"Gerav?" Varric asked wide eyed and walked forward.

"Varric? No one told me you would be part of this. We were just going after the Hawke."

"Why has the Carta been attacking me and my family?" Hawke demanded.

"I c-can't say. The master must be free."

"Really Gerav? I thought better of you than this. I mean, gutting the occasional competitor for fun and profit, that's the game. But what are you all even doing here? Worshipping demons?" Varric said with confused disappointment.

"We drink the darkspawn blood. He calls us..."

"Isn't that lethal?" Leila asked looking up at Anders, who nodded.

"It's the only way to hear the music." Gerav explained

"Oh, come on you nug-licker! Snap out of it. There is no gold in hallucinating." Varric replied.

"Manners, Varric. Introduce me to your lunatic friend."

"Hawke, this is Gerav. He is greedy son-of-a-nug from the Carta. Gerav, this is Hawke, the one whose blood you want to drink or bath in or whatever."

"The master is calling. He needs the blood." Gerav replied.

"Is that why you almost butchered our cousin?" Carver asked heatedly.

"T-that was a mistake. We needed the blood of the Hawke, but her blood did not work. We still need the Hawke." Gerav replied and summoned reinforcements.

The three warriors and Isabella charged forward, while the ranged stayed back. Leila stood her ground next to Anders. She knew nothing of this and had to rely on their experience alone. She was struggling, she didn't want to watch this and yet she had to. They adrenalin in her blood and her survival instincts kept her moral issues at bay. They attacked them and they were just defending themselves. Her grip tightened around her bow and she pulled forth an arrow.

"**Watch it. These guys play dirty!**" Varric yelled and several dwarves disappeared in smoke.

"Watch the shadows." Anders told Leila and she looked around.

While the others were concentrating she could look out for them. One appeared behind Varric and was about to drive a dagger into his back, but Leila reacted quickly and shot the carta in his shoulder. When he turned she ordered Ebony to take him down. Ebony launched and grabbed the dwarf be his throat, knocking him backwards. The dwarf hit his head on a mine cart and was knocked unconscious. Hawke cast a horror spell and some of the dwarves ran away in fear. One came directly towards Leila, but Anders trapped him in a paralyzing glyph. Leila hit him over the head knocking him unconscious as well. She looked around and saw that most of the dwarves were dead. She tried to take comfort in the fact that they died quickly, but it didn't seem to help much. What did help was knowing, that they didn't manage to hurt those she cared for. Anders put a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly.

"I'm fine. What about Varric?" She replied and nudged her head in Varric's direction, who was looking down at his dead friend.

"He will be. Varric's has been through worse." Anders replied with a sad smile.

They walked along and Isabella came up next to Leila and handed her a dagger looted from one of the dwarves. Leila smiled as a thank you and put it in the sheath. They walked closer to another room and Hawke held his hand up to stop them. He pointed on Leila and Merrill and pointed for them to stand next to the door. From the noise there were at least a dozen of dwarves in the next room. Leila and Merrill did as instructed and let the others head into the room first. Ebony sat down next to his mistress. They could hear Hawke arguing with a dwarf, when suddenly the gate went down and they could hear battle coming from the other room. Leila's heart ached and she felt more useless than ever. Hopefully this would be over with soon and they could go home. Looking through the gate she was torn. A part of her not wanting to look and another part had to know that her friends, and most of all Anders, were safe. She readied her bow and as a large bronto was charging towards Carver from behind, she managed to shoot it's leg, giving Carver the opportunity to turn and slay it. Had it not been for adrenaline and survival instinct, she would have been shaking like a leaf. She had never seen this much death before. She tried to sum up all the arguments she could to justify this. They attacked them, they wanted to kill them, they were already dying from the darkspawn corruption and they almost killed her. It made sense and on some level Leila could live with it, but she still felt incredibly remorseful and even ashamed. When the battle was over Carver and Aveline opened the gate. Leila ran over to Anders and hugged him. He looked down at her with a smile, when she pulled away and stroked her face. They turned around, when they noticed a bright glow. Hawke was glowing and had a staff in his hands.

"It knew how to do that." Carver replied with amazement.

"There are dangerous magic's here. Be careful Hawke, we still don't know what we are dealing with." Anders cautioned.

"I know, but this thing will take me to Coryphaeus." Hawke replied caressing the staff.

"**Everyone! We're about to be attacked!**" Merrill called and five dwarves came running towards. When they saw them the stopped dead in the tracks and ran in the other direction.

"**After them!**" Hawke yelled.

They followed the dwarves down the dark mineshaft and down a scaffold. They were heading further down, but towards what, they had no idea. They then came to a hallway made of stone and followed the dwarves down a set of stairs. As soon as they were down below they heard a noise behind them. They turned and saw a magical barrier had formed behind them.

"For the love of..." Carver cursed under his breath.

"There better be another way out." Aveline stated looking around.

"Sure there is. Haven't you guys learned already? I am lucky." Hawke smirked carelessly.

Leila walked over and touched the barrier. It felt hard, but gave of a tingling sensation. She saw the others looking out over a railing. She walked over to stand next to Anders and saw creatures unlike anything she had seen before. To her it looked like a mixture of what she imagined an orc and an undead would look like. They were truly terrifying in their own right.

"And here I thought I was done fighting darkspawn." Anders sighed.

"Cheer up, Blondie. It could be worse. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure something will come along and prove me right." Varric replied with a grin.

"Why does that not make me feel any better?" Anders replied with a smirk.

"Okay guys let's get going." Hawke instructed and they walked along.

Leila kept looking around and even had small smile on her face. She stopped and let her hand run over the carvings.

"These are beautiful. It's a shame its under ground and hidden away." Leila said with fascination.

"We are in the bloody deeproads and you think it's beautiful? Too bad you are not a highly trained fighter. With that attitude you would make a great warden." Carver chuckled.

"Are you kidding? She would end up feeling sorry for the darkspawn." Hawke grinned and Leila just rolled her eyes. She walked up to Anders.

"Be careful what you touch down here and try not to come in contact with any of the darkspawn blood." He instructed.

"I know. I'll be careful... Are you alright?" She asked softly and he smiled down at her.

"I'm fine. Besides, there is one good thing about being trapped in an ancient underground prison... not a lot of templars." He smiled.

"You should set up shop. It's no worse than your current digs." Hawke smiled.

"Good point. I could be quite comfortable here actually. Clean the taint off the floor, maybe hang a few pictures. It might even be a step up from Darktown." Anders continued.

"And Leila already likes it. You've got all this room. What are you going to do with it? Could we come visit?" Merrill replied and Leila had to laugh.

"Leila belongs among Kirkwalls nobility, where she can truly make a difference." Sebastian replied with a fond smile, looking at Leila, who had to try hard not to shift uncomfortably.

"Oh, you mean be admired, while charming her way through the nobles? It's really too bad you are not a thief. With those charms you could rob a man blind, before anyone would be the wiser." Isabella smiled.

"Why steal, when I can get them to give it to me?" Leila replied coyly with a grin on her face.

"One day we must send you to Tevinter. It would be interesting to see what you would make of the magisters." Fenris chuckled looking at Leila with a smile.

Anders felt his throat tighten. Leila's sweetness, cleverness and careful tongue, made almost everyone like and trust her. When he looked at Fenris and Sebastian he knew exactly what they were feeling. He wondered how many rivals he had, that he was unaware off. He then sensed something and he and Carver looked at each other.

"There are darkspawn nearby. I can sense them." Anders stated.

"Yeah, me too. Be careful." Carver cautioned.

They knocked down the door in their path and sure enough it was filled with darkspawn. Leila reached for her bow and this time she did not hold back. She was careful, because she did not have the skill that the other had. Still she managed to inflict a fair amount of damage. A genlock charged towards her and Sebastian placed a hand around pulling her out of the way at the last minute. Anders froze it in place and Hawke shattered it with a bolt of lightning. It was only then that Sebastian realised, that he was still holding Leila's waist. He blushed and turned to see that all the darkspawn had fallen. No sooner had the last darkspawn died, before a cage opened and several demons showed up. Leila was thankful that all of them had come down to this place, as all of this seemed overwhelming to her. When the demons had fallen as well, Leila looked down at the darkspawn and shook her head.

"Don't worry Leila. We know what we are dealing with." Carver soothed.

"I'm not afraid. I can't afford to be." She replied looking at the genlock.

"Then what is it, lethallan?" Merrill asked.

"I was just wondering... Killing people bother me, but killing these didn't." Leial replied.

"These are monsters created by the hubris of magisters and are forsaken in the eyes of the Maker. There is no reason for us to feel sorry for them." Sebastian replied.

"That is chantry propaganda... but these are mindless and violent creatures, who cause much suffering in their path. They are not capable of compassion and mercy." Anders replied.

"Those are rules and justifications created by us. Why do we have more right to live than these souls do? And yes I know they are a menace that destroys everything in their wake, but where do we draw the line? And why do we apply those same kind of justifications towards mages, elves and qunari?... Never mind this is not a place for this conversation." Leila replied and walked ahead with Merrill, leaving the men stunned. Except for Anders, who had become somewhat accustom to her way of thinking. He had to chuckle looking at the others, as their confusion was amusing to him.

"Well she is... different." Carver replied and Anders laughed.

Leila walked up next to Isabella and Varric. Isabella handed Leila a small flask. Leila smelled it and knew it was whisky, but instead of turning it down she just shrugged before taking a sip. "That's my girl." Isabella said fondly and they continued to walk. Leila then felt Anders walking next to her and reaching for her hand.

"We passed another broken pillar. You know what that means." Varric said cheerfully.

"Everybody take a drink!" Isabella exclaimed happily and handed Leila the bottle.

"The last time we played this game, I kissed an ogre. Please let's not go there again." Ander replied.

"Eeww! Either I am highly disgusted or incredibly insulted that you would refer to me as an ogre. In either case I am not kissing you again." Leila teased and the others chuckled.

They got to a bridge leading to the centre of the tower and saw a man looking old, crippled and sick coming towards them. Leila's blood ran cold. She had seen that illness before. She had seen Anders die from it in her arms. This what was going to happen to Anders without Justice. For a moment she thought that all the trouble, which came with Justice, was worth it to avoid this fate. The man called Lauriaz seem confused and disoriented, but promised to help them find a way out, yet as soon as he appeared he was gone again. They walked along an entered the centre of the tower. As Hawke activated a big demon appeared. Anders pushed her back out of the room, making sure she was at a distance. She was tired of feeling this helpless and useless, but the skills the others had took years to learn. This would never be her strength. But seeing Merrill getting trapped and almost crushed by something magical tore her heart apart. She was grateful that she had her bow and at least could make some small difference. When the demon fell, Lauriaz appeared again. As Anders explained how the wardens were not immune to the taint forever, he looked at Leila apologetically. Leila knew this already, but could not show it. Admitting that she knew, would mean having to tell Anders about her deal with Death. For a moment she had thought her own life had been the bargain, but it wasn't. She was still with him and the price still unknown. They started walking again, when Anders expression became pained and he took himself to the head.

"I'm not listening... I'm not listening!" He chanted and Carver went forward looking at him.

"Anders? Anders! Maker, it's like he doesn't even hear me." Carver sighed, with a worried expression.

"The abomination's hearing voices. How unexpected." Fenris scoffed. Leila walked over in front of Anders.

"Love, what is it?" She asked softly placing her hand on his face.

"Voices... whispering... make it stop..." He begged in a pained voice. Leila took his hand and brought it to the amulet. She held his hand tightly around the amulet and rested his forehead against hers. His breathing started to calm and his expression became less strained. He turned his head to kiss her palm and looked down at her.

"Thank you." He whispered softly and he heard Hawke give a relief sigh and began to walk again.

And so their journey continued. Entering battles with darkspawn and getting out of it unharmed. Anders kept close to her, both in order to keep her safe, but he was also clinging to her like an anchor. She could tell he was struggling. More and more often his hand would fly and grasp the amulet and the other would hold on to her. She didn't ask what was going on. He was troubled enough and shouldn't use his energy explaining things. The further they got the more demon prisons did they find. When they reached one with a desire demon an apparition of a man appeared. He looked a little like Hawke and his voice seemed calming somehow. Hawke and Carver revealed that it was their father's voice and as they were standing and reminiscing, Leila had never felt more uncertain. They were mourning their father and sister. Her soul had once been Bethany's, but she wasn't her any longer. At some level she wished that she was, but Anders then pulled her close and kissed her hair. With no words at all he told her, that he didn't want her to be anyone else. A selfish wish perhaps, but one that made her heart feel relieved. As they continued to walk Anders was in pain again. The voice seemed almost to give him physical discomfort.

"No! Get out of my head!" Anders said with determination and grabbed hold of the amulet.

"We have to do something. His episodes are getting worse." Aveline cautioned.

"He **is** doing something. That amulet is an anchor to him. It helps him redirect his thoughts." Leila explained and they observed the mage holding a tight grip on it.

His eyes were closed and he took deep breaths, as the earlier desperation seemed gone. Leila placed her own hands on his giving him the time to calm down. Isabella looked at Leila and seemed to be the only one to understand it.

"Easy. Hold it together. Deep breaths." Isabella encouraged and got a grateful smile from Leila, while Fenris just scoffed. A few moments later Anders opened his eyes and managed to give Leila a smile. Aveline smiled and walked on. They got to the bottom of the tower and Leila looked around. The old ruins were surrounded by water, the air was incredibly humid and the smell was even worse. They had not gotten very far, before they were attacked by a huge number of spiders and deepstalkers. During the fight Isabella got a poisoned fang stuck in her thigh. Anders walked over to her after the fight and took a look at it.

"Oh, look at the sweethearts! I want one as a pet!" Merrill said with excitement looking at Leila.

"It would be a nifty pet. Unusual, but neat. Imagine us having one each walking through Hightown." Leila laughed.

"No way!" Hawke interjected.

"Oh, that would be great. But what if they try to eat the neighbours?" Merrill replied.  
"Enjoy your new pet!" Carver laughed heartily.

"And she'll find one too. Thanks for that!" Hawke grumbled looking at Leila and walking over to Anders and Isabella.

"How bad is it?" Hawke asked.

"I have purified most of the poison, but her system needs to deal with the rest on its own, before I can heal it probably." Anders explained.

"Alright. We will make camp over in those ruins for tonight." Hawke replied and helped Isabella to her feet.

They set up camp and Anders made a fire. Varric and Merrill had searched the area for some food.

"Do I dare ask what we are having?" Leila smirked.

"Deepstalker and mushrooms." Varric replied and Leila cringed.

"As a warden I have had worse, believe me." Carver chuckled looking at Leila.

After eating the culinary disaster, they all tried to get some rest taking turns to keep watch. Anders lay down on his bedroll and Leila stroked his face gently as she sat down next to him.

"Are you feeling any better?" She asked softly, her voice filled with concern and worry. He sighed heavily.

"I've tried to forget about this side of myself. Justice is... so strong. Sometimes the Wardens seem insignificant. But seeing that poor bastard brings it all back. The Darkspawn taint. The call of the archdemon. It's inside me, as much a part of me as Justice." He said almost desperately.

"Shh... it's going to be alright. Maybe we can find away to cure you." She replied softly stroking him.

"You should find someone else, love. You don't want all the ugliness I'm going to bring into your life." He replied with a pained expression. She looked at him with loving determination.

"I didn't walk into this blindly, remember? You are not the one bringing it into my life. I am the one letting it in. As difficult as this might be, it could be worse. You could beat me or be unfaithful to me. You could come home drunk and leave me, when I need you the most. I have seen the true horrors of relationship and this is nothing compared to that." She replied and Anders looked at her with a worried expression.

"Who hurt you?" He asked seriously, cursing himself that he never realised this before. He saw the pain in her eyes and felt his heart ache.

"My father was not kind to my mother... He would drink and stay out to all hours of the night, never letting us know where he was. It was driving my mother crazy with worry. He had several affairs, which I know of, but that was not the worst of it..." She replied looking away from him. Anders took her gently by the chin and made her look at him.

"What did he do?" He asked softly.

"My mother had cancer twice. When she had it the first time, my father started an affair. My mother was dying and he was with another woman, when she needed him the most. Before she was on her way to recovery he left her... He abandoned a dying woman." Leila explained with a pained expression.

"And left his daughter to take care of her alone." Anders finished, before sitting up and claiming her lips.

To Anders this was like receiving the last piece of the puzzle. This was why she fought so hard to protect those around her; it had been imprinted deep into her soul long ago. She needed to take care, protect and love all those that others had abandoned. She had seen a grave injustice done and had tried to rectify it. Compensate for the wrongs done in the past. He had wondered why Leila had taken burdens on her shoulders, which had nothing to do with her. What did she have to gain by helping the refugees or speaking on behalf of mages and elves? She was not even from this world and had no relation to any of it. Still she had done it, without anyone having to ask or any kind of hope for reward. Life had taught her that people were unjustly left behind and decided that she was the one to pick them up. Justice was overwhelmed all of a sudden, by emotions that were entirely his own; appreciation, admiration and devotion. He could no longer deny these and blame them on Anders. He finally realised he was returning the same affection that she held for them. He was no longer alone in this strange world, as compassion had become his companion.


	37. Chapter 37 Family Reunion IIII

Family Reunion IIII

Leila had asked Hawke to take Anders' watch, so he could rest. Whatever was happening to him was straining him awfully and she was worried about him. During the last months he have had so many trails, disappointments and tribulations, she wished she could make it all right for him. Heal him as he did others. If only she could believe that she had the strength. She looked at his sleeping form from a distance and didn't realise that Fenris sat down next to her.

"He is right to warn you away. You should be afraid of him." Fenris stated looking at her.

"I refuse to give into fear. Fear will leave me paralyzed and unable to act." Leila replied.

"Fear is survival." Fenris cautioned.

"There is a difference between fear and respect. I sense my fear, but I choose to let it show itself as respect and caution. It keeps me from taken unnecessary risks, but is unable to control me." Leila replied.

"I can't decide if you are innocent or naive." He replied looking at her and she gave him a small smile.

"I guess both are a point of view. If you follow the Andrastian religion, I am anything but innocent. I am rather a lost soul that needs salvation. As for naive... sometimes I wish I were." She replied with a sigh.

"He is more dangerous than you want to admit. No matter what, he will always be an abomination." He replied.

"And you always a slave trained for murder?" She retorted and though it was not said with any hostility, she regretted her comment instantly.

"I'm sorry, Fenris... That is not how I see you, I hope you realise that." She replied her voice filled with heartfelt regret.

"I know... You do tend to see the best in people, even when it is not there." He said with fondness.

"Just because others are blind to it, it doesn't mean it isn't there." She teased with a smile and he chuckled.

"True... Go get some rest." He replied. She stood up and gave him a friendly peck on his cheek, before going to bed.

She had to suppress a chuckle at the sight, as she returned to her bedroll. Ebony was curled up next to Anders, almost protectively guarding him. Perhaps that would give the others some relief. She could see that they were afraid of Anders or for him. Truth be told so was she. She was always afraid for him. She lay down and held his hand, as she tried to get that last hour of rest.

-OOO-

When they awoke that had no idea, what time it was. They were too far down for the sunlight to shine down here, so all they could do was guess. Leila stretched and cringed as she could smell herself.

"The first thing I am doing, when we got back to Kirkwall is taking a long bath!" Leila exclaimed.

"Me too. Perhaps we could take it together?" Isabella winked.

"If anyone is sharing a tub with her, it's me." Anders replied kissing Leila's cheek.

"We'll see... I still haven't forgiven you for that ogre comment." Leila faked offense and Anders groaned.

"I wasn't referring to you." He replied.

"You are not making a good case there, Blondie." Varric replied and Leila got up while chuckling.

They began walking again and came across the bodies of some long dead dwarves. Anders told Leila about the legion of the dead and she was fascinated and impressed by their sacrifice. The dwarven society was so different from Kirkwall and it was not a subject she had studied. The further they got the more uncomfortable everyone became. They were all silent and several people were trying to make conversation, but failed. Leila hadn't noticed until now, but Merrill seemed a little twitchy around Anders. Not in a frightened way though. Anders must have noticed it too, because he broke the silence.

"Were you trying to look at my grimoire the other day?" He enquired.

"Me? What? No! When?" Merrill asked clearly embarrassed.

"At home, while I was talking to Hawke. I saw you looking in one of my books. You know, those are private." He said in a slightly stern fashion.

"I know that's why-oh, fine, I admit it. I was hoping you'd have um... dirty spells." Merrill replied with a blush and Leila had to burst out laughing.

"Dirty spells?" Anders replied with widened eyes.

"You know to um, make things more exciting. Oh, I shouldn't have said anything." Merrill replied looking away.

"More exciting? For you and Hawke?" Anders replied with a smirk.

"Stop. Just... stop right there." Hawke replied looking completely mortified.

"Why so shy, Garrett? He does have quite a few of those spells." Leila chuckled teasingly earning a glare from Anders.

"Well, you do." She said innocently and Anders blushed a little.

"That's my girls!" Isabella laughed.

"Perhaps I'll give you a demonstration later." Anders said in a low voice with a suggestive smirk, his eyes smouldering.

"I look forward to it." Leila purred with a smile.

"Really guys? Here? In the middle of a pit full of darkspawn?" Carver quirked an eyebrow. Leila and Anders just chuckled in responds.

As they walked the encountered more darkspawn. Leila understood perfectly why Anders hated this place. She never wanted to see this place again. She was happy that she was this well protected and at the same time frustrated that she needed it. Sebastian was right. She belonged in Hightown with its politics and easily manipulated nobles. At some level this annoyed her. She looked at Anders. He was trying to start a revolution and he needed to fight. How could she help him? How could she be at his side, when she could not even protect herself? Images of him dying in order to protect her or her being the cause of the templars catching up to him, filled her mind. It was enough to make her cry, but she had to remain strong and hope that she would be able to help in a different way. As they walked Anders' expression turned strained again.

"Stop! Just make him stop talking! Make him stop!" Anders cried pleadingly and Leila was at his side immediately. He grabbed on tight to the amulet and her hand. He was squeezing tightly and it hurt, but she didn't care. He needed her, as she needed him.

"He'll kill us all if he allows his insanity to take him!" Fenris growled.

"If you are that afraid of him, maybe antagonizing him is not the best idea." Leila replied sternly with a nasty glare.

"It's Corypheus. He can hear Corypheus." Carver replied.

"Think... happy thoughts! Raindrops, roses, kittens!" Hawke tried unhelpfully.

Anders took himself to his head and Leila could see it getting worse.

"What's wrong? Tell me what to do!" Leila pleaded holding a hand on his cheek.

"I can't... The voices... Wardens... the joining... I have too much taint in my blood. I can't shut him out. Help me, love... I will not... be controlled!" Anders replied, as blue cracks formed over his body and Justice's voice penetrated his own. Leila took his hand and placed it on the amulet. She felt a hand on her shoulder trying to pull her away. She turned and saw Sebstian.

"Get away from me." She hissed, as she pushed him away and began stroking Anders face.

"He is dangerous! You can't..." Sebastian began, but Hawke pulled him back.

"Stay away, Sebastian." Hawke said seriously.

"Remember Justice... please remember... I love you so much... please." Leila said in a low voice holding his hands on the amulet. She knew this was dangerous, but Death said that Justice recognized her as his own kind and she so dearly hoped that he would now. All of them were watching with unbearable worry, as Leila just stood there holding onto him. They all knew what this spirit was capable of and it was terrifying. Justice opened his eyes and for a moment looked like he was burning with fury. Leila looked at him with worry, fear and concern. Not of him, but for him. Then suddenly he moved and all draw their weapons, only they did not expect what actually happened. Justice captured Leila's lips in a bruising kiss, which soon became softer. For the first time he was the one to truly kiss her and his heart swelled more than he cared to admit, as she returned it. He pulled away looking down at her and she smiled softly.

"That was unexpected." She smiled in a low voice.

"I wanted you to know I was a friend." He said softly and she gave a low chuckle, as she was reminded of their first kiss. That had been nothing like this though. This had feelings of affection merged into it and was more meaningful, than the chaste kiss she had given him then.

"There is an evil here that must be destroyed... No harm can come to you. I won't allow it." He said firmly and she stroked his cheek. Then as quickly as he appeared Justice disappeared, once again revealing Anders' warm brown eyes. For a moment he looked terrified and studied Leila.

"Did he hurt you?" Anders asked concerned.

"Hurt her? Are you kidding? Your spirit buddy just made a confession of love. No one is going to believe it." Varric smirked though his amazement was clear.

"Oh, so that was what he meant!" Merrill said at the realisation.

"What are they talking about?" Anders asked looking down at Leila.

"I'll tell you later. Are you alright?" She asked concerned and he pulled her close.

"Yes... thank you love." He said in a low voice.

"Alright you two, lovebirds. Let's get this over with." Hawke smirked and walked along.  
He patted Sebastian twice on his shoulder, as the prince was looking pale and hurt. Not to mention surprised. They all did. Nothing had been able to calm Justice before, but Leila's compassion seemed to penetrate his vengeance. Or it could be the love that the spirit seemed harbour for her, that kept is anger at bay. Whatever it was, Hawke was convinced that Anders should never be without her. They arrived at the final seal and managed to get rid of the final pride demon. They encountered Laurias again and he was shortly joined by some other wardens. The leader introduced herself as Janika. Leila's emotions were overwhelming and she could hardly pay attention to the conversation. She knew that Anders and Justice were one to an extent, but she had never realised that Justice had feelings for her as well. She knew how close Anders had come to losing control completely and knew that the chance of her ending up like Ella, had been a possibility. She would have been knocked over and Hawke would have had to save her, but she had to try. Leila needed to know that she was right, when she said she had nothing to fear from them. And she had been, neither Anders nor Justice would ever harm her. She saw the look on Sebastian's face as they walked past him. He had been hurt and maybe even disappointed. The images of Anders' dead body, with Sebastian's arrows in his chest came to mind. She shook it off and realized that the conversation had taken different turn. Hawke looked at Anders and listened intensely to his warnings. Of all his companions, Anders was the person whose judgement he trusted the most. Hawke refused to help Janika and they all ran after Laurias. They ran through the tower again, until they were trapped in the middle of it by some Carta. After the Carta had been killed they needed to remove the barrier. Hawke looked up at the construction and looked confused. Leila looked up and a pattern emerged, as she realized the combination. She began turning the metal on the pillars and for once she was not as useless as she thought. In less than a few minutes she had solved the puzzle and Hawke gave her a bright smile.

"You should come along more often. The puzzles in Orlias were almost impossible." Hawke smirked.

"We should move on." Fenris reminded them.

They had another run in with Janeka, but eventually they reached the top of the tower. After another confrontation with Janeka, which led to her death, Hawke walked to the centre. Leila looked down at the dead wardens and her heart ache. She had seen so much death in the past three days and it was tearing at her heart. She then felt Anders' arms around her, consoling her without any need for words.

"Alright, if we are going to slay this guy, I need you Leila to stay at a distance." Hawke instructed and she nodded.

Leila walked back the way they came and looked back. Anders gave her a comforting smile. Ebony was at her side and gave a worried whine. She stroked the dog and in truth she was worried as well. She saw a large darkspawn appear in the middle of the room, but could not hear the conversation. She was surprised that they were even having one. Anders seemed almost upset about something and she was aching to get closer. However the darkspawn began to attack and all kinds of forces were released upon her companions. She felt her hand reaching for her bow again and again, but she had promised to stay at a distance. Her being in the middle of it, would only make them worried. They had enough without having to worry about her. Damn, she was tired of feeling like a helpless child. Suddenly a huge storm formed and she sat down on the ground holding onto Ebony and the railing. The wind was howling and it was so fast and cold, it felt as if it was tearing her skin. She released the belt in the back and the large coat unfolded. Still pushed up against the railing, she made Ebony come in under her coat and hid herself in it as well, leaving none of her skin exposed to the wind. Suddenly the storm vanished and she emerged from her "tent". Anders came running towards her, concern written all over his face. She stood up and ran towards him. He embraced her and kissed her hair.

"Are you alright, love?" He asked and she looked at him with disbelief.

"You just fought that thing and you are asking me, if I'm alright?" She chuckled and gave him a kiss. Hawke came up to them.

"Hey Anders, take a look at this." Hawke said and threw a amulet at him. Anders caught it and looked at it with widened eyes.

"That amulet... No one used that pattern since before the first blight. It was unique to a small sect in Tevinter, who worshipped the god Dumat. Coryphaeus really was an ancient magister. I always thought the black city was just a story." Anders replied with amazement.

"Even if it's true, it doesn't justify punishing mages over a thousand years later." Hawke replied.

"Do you think? What else may the chantry know that we don't? I will need to study this further." Anders replied clearly shaken. Leila took his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Let's get out of here. The sooner we get back to Kirkwall the better." Varric encouraged and led the way.

"Don't forget we still have that mage and his army of archers to dispose of." Carver reminded him.

While the others were taking care of the mage and the skeletons, Merrill and Leila found two domesticated brontos and two small wagons. The one Hawke had hired was long gone and Leila did feel bad about leaving the creatures there to die. It was the middle of the night by now and the stars were shining bright. Leila couldn't wait to get back to Kirkwall. These days had been far too long and painful. Sitting in the back of one of the wagons, she was wrapped in Anders' arm and resting her head on his shoulder. She felt his lips on the top of her head from time to time. He was undoubtedly to shaken to sleep. So much had happened to him during these past days. So much that he didn't deserve. She opened her eyes and saw him looking at the amulet. He had been looking at it since they left. She took his hand in hers.

"You should get some rest." She said softly.

"I can't... What if the chantry was right?" He said still looking at the amulet.

"Being right about a historical fact, does not mean that they take the right actions. Besides from what I know of institutions that strive for power, they only release the information that they want people to know. There are probably many things hidden in the name of the Maker. If he really exists I wonder if he will be ashamed." Leila replied and Anders smiled, giving her a small kiss. He put the amulet in his pocket and put both arms around her.

"Am I weak because I don't want to hurt people?" She asked softly.

"No, you are a good person. Far better than I am... Does it frighten you that I have?" He asked carefully.

"No... I just feel sorry that it is necessary... In some ways it seems so odd to think of you like that. Even after what has happened the last few days." She replied with a soft smile and leaned her head into his chest.

"I only do it to defend myself or as an act of mercy. I have not killed anyone who didn't attack me until..." He hesitated.

"Justice." She finished for him.

"Yes... I haven't killed anyone since that day in the Gallows, not even to defend myself. I don't want to end lives... especially not innocent ones." He replied sadly.

"I know..." She replied and held him close.

They travelled for several hours and finally arrived back at Kirkwall. They had agreed not to tell Leandra that Leila had nearly died. Some of this was too painful for her to know. They returned home to a worried Leandra who embraced them all lovingly. She had probably been concerned since they left. Currently Hawke, Merrill, Carver, Leila, Anders and Leandra sat in the dining room talking about the events that had happened.

"It was all about blood. About father." Carver said sadly.

"Oh, Malcolm. I can't believe... It's like he is still with us, but it's not true. Not really... He went through so much to protect us. I wish he would have shared the burden." Leandra said sadly.

"How did the heir to the Amell's meet a Ferelden apostate anyway?" Hawke asked.

"Not by prowling the sewers I hope." Carver replied wryly.

"I'm sitting right here you know." Anders replied with offense.

"Not fancy enough for you, Carver? With the places you usually go, you are most likely to get a date with a hurlock." Leila replied with a smirk.

"You can't date a Hurlock... can you? I mean how would you prevent them from trying to kill you?" Merrill mused.

"That would be awkward at family reunions! Two wardens and a darkspawn? Not to mention what the children would look like." Hawke chuckled.

"Maker! There's an image that won't be easily forgotten!" Carver laughed.

"See, my apostate is not looking so bad now, is he?" Leila replied with a faked sense of superiority. Anders snickered and gave her a kiss.

"That's enough. Do you want to hear the story or not?" Leandra smiled.

"Sorry, of course mother." Hawke smiled.

"Well, he wasn't an apostate then. He was a Junior enchanter in the Gallows. Back when they would perform at the Viscounts functions. I believed all mages were grim old men in strange robes, but Malcolm was... He was such a wit. Never had a straight answer for anything." Leandra smiled.

"That sounds familiar." Anders smirked looking at Hawke, who just shrugged with a grin.

"He was infuriating and fascinating. We found ways to meet more privately after that." Leandra chuckled.

"Would he really have been a Hawke, if he didn't try to fix every problem in the world single handily?" Hawke chuckled.

"No, so I should know by now not try to stop any of you." Leandra chuckled, but her expression turned sad.

"I just wish he was still here. I have made such an utter muck of it since he had been gone." She sighed regretfully.

"He would have had to run from the blight too. Nothing would have changed that." Carver soothed.

"But he could have kept Bethany alive. I couldn't... and everything that has happened with you." Leandra sighed looking at Leila. Leila reached for her hand and stroked it.

"It was not your fault and even with everything that has happened, I found happiness here." Leila smiled looking at Anders, who stroked her cheek lovingly.

"You're a good girl." Leandra smiled fondly. Orana came into the room.

"Your bath is ready mistress. Should I prepare one for you Master and your guest as well?" Orana asked.

"Yes, thank you." Hawke smiled.

"Thank you, Orana. If you'll excuse me... How long are you staying Carver?" Leila smiled.

"I am expected back in three days, so I'll stay until the day after tomorrow." Carver replied and Leila smiled.

Upstairs Leila got undressed and walked to the tub. She smiled at the scent of the apple scented oils and slowly got in the tub. The warmth embraced her and she realised that she had felt cold. It was as if she had missed even the simple signals from her body. Cold, warmth, hunger, fatigue... all of it had been ignored. She leaned back in the tub and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth. Then flashes of all the death she had seen came crashing back to her. She had stood face to face with her own mortality, when she was finally living because she wanted too and not because she had too. She reached for a book, but could not concentrate on the words on the page. All she saw was dead wardens, dead dwarves and darkspawn. In frustration she threw the book on the bed and suddenly she felt cold again. The water was still warm, but the trembling sensation didn't leave her. She heard the door open and Anders appeared in the doorway between the bathing chamber and the bedroom. He smiled softly, but his eyes were sad. He was probably mirroring her expression. She stood up in the tub and beckoned him with a finger. His smile turned genuine and bright. As he walked closer to the tub his eyes filled with anticipation. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply and felt his hands roam over her wet body. He pulled away and began undressing himself, as she sat back down in the tub. He then joined her in the tub facing her and she straddled him. He embraced her, pressed her wet body against him and took in her scent, before releasing a contented sigh. Leila reached for the wash cloth and let it roam over his arms, chest and neck. He hummed with a sense of relaxation and closed his eyes leaning back against the tub.

"Did you mean it?" He asked softly.

"Mean what?" She asked still concentrating on her task.

"Are you happy here... with me?" He asked looking into her eyes.

"I have been content before... but it is only with you that I am happy." She smiled sweetly and he pulled her close for a kiss.

"You make me happy as well." He smiled and took the washcloth and let it softly caress her neck and shoulders. Her hands went to his hair and released it from the leather band holding it in place. She encouraged him to duck under the water and wet his hair. As soon as he came up, she claimed his lips again. She felt the water getting warmer again and saw his hands glowing warming up the water.

"I am never letting go of you. You're useful." She smiled with mischief in her eyes and he chuckled.

"Is that why you love me? Because I light fires and heat water?" He faked offense.

"Don't forget ice cream." She teased and then became more serious."I don't love you because of your magic, but I do love you because of what you choose to do with it. You are the best person I have ever met." She replied running her fingers through his wet hair and he looked at her with adoration.

"You are kindest, wisest and most beautiful woman in Kirkwall... How did I get so lucky?" He replied lovingly.

"Luck had nothing to do with it. You deserve to be loved... both of you. Don't let anyone make you believe any different." She smiled and started rubbing his shoulders.

"I promise one day the world will change and we won't have to hide... Then I am going to show all those nobles that you are with me." He smirked.

"Feeling territorial are we?" She gave a low chuckle.

"Very." He replied in a low teasing growl and kissed her.

Her hands started to roam over his chest and down his side, as his hands started caressing her breasts. He released a little cold from his hand, as his fingers played with her nipples. She threw her head back in a gasp and he began kissing her neck. The familiar blue glow started to surround him again and everywhere he touched left a tingling sensation, in addition to the other pleasures combined with his touch. Her hand moved down his chest, stomach and down to his arousal. He breathed heavily and a low moan escaped him, as she started moving her hand. She felt his hand caressing the inside of her thigh, giving of a slight vibrating sensation from the blue magic emanating from his skin. It was different, when Justice's presence showed itself this way. He didn't seem to be on fire, as when he was provoked by his fury. It was a glow and at no point was Anders out of control or at the spirits mercy. In these few occasions host and spirit coexisted in harmony. She gave a moan as his hand began exploring her core, touching every nerve that reduced her breath to short gasps. She removed her hand from him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, giving him access into her. Their eyes locked as their bodies joined and began moving in unison. His brown eyes emanated a soft blue glow and looked at her lovingly.

"I love you." Their voices said lovingly and Leila felt her heart beat faster, as a surge of electricity went through her.

"I love you too." She replied and claimed their lips.

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-  
I decided to include Leila in this adventure, because Anders' big role in it. I wanted her to be present at a time where he was truly vulnerable. This also gave me the opportunity to show an improvement in Anders' self control. I used quite some dialogue from the game, but I hope you found it enjoyable all the same and felt that Leila contributed something to it. I hope you enjoyed them and that none of you believed that I would actually kill Leila. Please let me know what you think. _


	38. Chapter 38 Promises

Promises

Anders awoke as the sunlight shined through the window. He turned to see Leila lying next to him still asleep. Lying naked and wrapped around the covers, leaving her back, thigh, and most of her upper body exposed. He had been living here for months, but this still felt new to him. Knowing that he could sleep peacefully without having to worry about templars and that his lover could stay with him all night, was like a part of a dream he had never dared hope to come true. And yet it was what he strived for all mages to have, but for a long time, he had assumed it was at the expense of his own happiness. He smiled as he took in how the sunlight reflecting on her skin and hair. He realised that they had to get up. This was the last day Carver was with them and for Leandra's sake they should make most of the day. Carver and Anders had never gotten along particularly well, but after joining the wardens he had changed a lot. Anders reached out and gently stroked Leila.

"Wake up love." He said softly and she moved slightly.

"I know you are awake." He smiled and kissed her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and she gave a tired sigh.

"Good morning. We have to get up." He said kindly and she cuddled up against him, wrapping her arm and leg around him.

"I would rather stay here with you." She smiled sweetly and he returned it.

"Not even a desire demon could give a more tempting offer, but we promised Leandra to spend the day as a family." He replied and lost himself in thought for a moment.  
"It feels strange for you to say that, doesn't it?" She replied stroking his chest.  
"It does... but in a good way." He smiled and gave her a kiss before getting out of bed.  
They got dressed and went down stairs for breakfast. They spend the morning and early afternoon just talking and enjoying each other's company. Despite some friendly bickering it was very pleasant and Leila was happy that Leandra got a day, where it felt like a family again. Late in the afternoon the others started arriving, as Hawke had decided to throw a party for Carver. It was just their close circle of friends and no nobles. As the sun was setting the courtyard had been lit with lanterns and Anders found it rather pretty. Bodahn and Sandal had moved a table outside and currently everyone was sitting around it talking and drinking. Except for Anders, who was sitting at the fountain with Ser Purrcival on his lap and only noticed Leandra when she sat down next to him.

"It's a lovely evening isn't it?" She asked with a smile.

"Very." He agreed.

"I don't mean to pry, but what are your intensions with Leila?" She asked looking at him seriously.

"You mean if I was allowed to have any intensions?" He replied bitterly and put down the cat.

"I'm the closest thing she has to a parent, so naturally her future concerns me." She replied still looking at him seriously.

"I understand... I love her and if it were possible I would marry her... it's just... not possible." He replied with sadness.

"That's what I thought. Have a little faith, you will find a way I'm sure... here." She replied handing him a ring. He looked at her with surprise.

"It was my mothers. It was her engagement ring. You don't have to use it right away, but I wanted you to have it for, when you are ready." She smiled. He looked at the diamond ring. It was made of gold and the band had markings that looked like leaves and the small diamond, was in a setting that looked like a rose.

"I... Thank you, but I couldn't possibly take this." He replied truly humbled be the gift.

"You're family, Anders. And you are a kind young man and I hope the best for your future. At least I can help you in this small way." She smiled and kissed his forehead after getting up.

Anders smiled as she walked away. Of course she would encourage an apostate to marry. He looked at Leila and his heart speed up. Sitting there laughing and teasing she was making his entire being light up. She really was the only light in Kirkwall. The only light he had ever had in his life. He had to laugh as he looked down at the ring. He wondered what Karl would have said, knowing that he was seriously considering marrying someone. He then heard Oghren's voice in his head coming with some comment regarding his robes no doubt. He gave a heavy sigh. He had lost so many friends over the years. He caressed the ring fondly, before putting it in the small bag in his belt. One day he was going to use this. He would find a way to make it possible. Malcolm Hawke had succeeded and so wouldn't he? He walked over to the table and sat down next to Leila and looked at her as he stroked her back.

"Why do you have that roughish grin on your face?" She asked with a smile.

"No reason, just appreciating that I can do this." He replied kissing her cheek, before noticing Carver grinning at them.

"What?" Anders asked with a little offense penetrating his voice.

"Nothing, just strange seeing you care for someone who isn't a mage. I thought that was all that mattered to you." Carver teased.

"When were you leaving again?" Anders replied.

"Carver, please." Leandra sighed.

"Helmet and staffy, should learn to get along." Hawke replied with a smirk.

"Alright... I'll just tease Aveline instead." Carver chuckled.

"I don't remember asking to be the centre of anyone's jokes." Aveline replied drily.

"Donnic!" Hawke coughed and they all laughed, as both Aveline and Donnic blushed with a smile.

"Be careful insulting the Captain of the guard, Serah Hawke. Want me to throw him in the brig, love?" Donnic replied with a smile.

"No, he will just start a prison riot." Aveline chuckled.

"That or convince the rats to join my unholy army and make them crawl into Meredith's bed at night." Hawke chuckled.

"You could always ask the ones in the alienage. There's no reason for you to get in jail for that." Merrill replied. Hawke gave a low chuckle and kissed her cheek.

"Actually we have a happy announcement to make. I have asked Aveline to marry me and she has accepted me." Donnic smiled and Aveline blushed.

"Manchin is getting married?" Isabella laughed.

"Not a word whore." Aveline replied drily, before receiving congratulations from the rest of the table.

"Let's make a toast shall we. To love and not finding ourselves in more trouble than we can handle." Varric smiled and stood up.

"To Aveline and Donnic!" They said in unison and raised their glasses.

"Actually, I have been wondering if I shouldn't remarry." Leandra smiled.

"You want to get married?" Carver asked wide eyed.

"There are already two happy couples living under this roof. I'm sure none of them wants me watching over their shoulders, when they come home." Leandra smiled.

"Sounds like you have someone in mind." Hawke noted with a grin.

"Nothing I am ready to share yet, so don't pry. No one will be able to replace your father, but it is refreshing to know that I can still be courted at this age." She replied.

"You deserve to be happy, but I hope you are not considering it for our sakes." Leila replied reaching for her hand.

"I'm not, don't worry dear." She smiled.

-OOO- A month later -OOO-

Anders was sitting at the desk in their bedroom. He was researching a lot of things lately; the origins of the Tevinter magisters, spirit possession and some of Malcolm Hawke's notes. Malcolm had made suggestions to how the circle could be reformed, before he left Kirkwall and his notebooks was one of the few things Leandra had managed to save, when they fled the blight. Hawke had looked through them, but had encouraged Anders to look at them as well, as he was much more of a scholar than Hawke was. All this and his clinic kept him fairly occupied, which was needed since he had stopped helping the mage underground. He smiled as he heard Leila groan with frustration. She was cute, when she was annoyed, though he would never dare tell her that. She walked over to him in a light purple gown and turned her back towards him.

"Would you mind closing it?" She asked and moved her long hair out of the way.

"I would rather help you out of it, but such is my burden." He sighed with dramatics and started tying the laces.

"Thank you. Orana has enough to do and I didn't want to bother her. How pathetic is this? I can't even get dressed on my own." She chuckled.

"In all fairness, I think these were designed as being a two person job. There all done." He smiled and pulled her down on his lap. He started kissing her neck and smiled as a sigh escaped her lips.

"I don't have time for this. I have to be at the Viscount in half an hour." She replied and gave him a small kiss.

"Alright, but when you come home you won't escape that easily." He teased.

"I don't want to escape now. I wish you could come with me." She smiled sadly stroking his cheek.

"You know I hate being around the stuffy nobles, so it is probably for the best." He replied with a smile.

"See you later." She replied and kissed him before walking out the room.

Hawke and Leila arrived together at the keep. They had been to several dinners at the Viscounts home and though they both found many of the nobles slightly ridiculous, these were usually enjoyable. Leila always looked forward to talk with Seamus. His points of views and perspective of the world always made for interesting conversations. She had those with Anders as well, but those seemed to always involve mages. With Seamus the debate was more general and involved all parts of society. As they entered the private part of the keep Hawke groaned, as he saw Mother Patrice.

"It seems our favourite mother is here." He told Leila sarcastically in a low voice.

"Imagine if she used her time helping the refugees instead. There would be no people left in Darktown." Leila replied, as Seamus came towards them with a friendly smile.

"Serah Hawke, Leila, it's a pleasure to see your both. May I?" He smiled and offered Leila his arm.

Leila took it and they walked into the dining room. They were greeted fondly by the Viscount and less friendly by seneschal Bran. Other than them, a few nobles and mother Patrice were present. Seamus led Leila to the table and took the seat next to her and Hawke the other. Quickly the conversation turned to the qunari.

"I have heard almost half the alienage have joined their ranks." One noble said.

"That grossly exaggerated. Surely some must realise that they have nothing to gain from joining them." Another noble replied.

"Maybe they feel that they have nothing to lose either." Leila replied, earning a scowl from Patrice.

"Why anyone would join heathen Oxmen to the Maker is beyond me." A noble replied.

"We should just slaughter the lot of them." One scoffed.

"They are not the mindless monsters you would have us believe. Violence is not a good option." Seamus replied heatedly.

"Those heretics are openly challenging the word of the Maker. If you continue on this path then I fear your judgement before the Maker is likely to be a harsh one." Patrice replied coldly.

"If I am lost to the Maker for refusing to hate someone, for finding beauty in the "other"...well, perhaps the Maker is the one who is not worthy of me." Seamus replied drily and Leila had to suppress a smile.

"Seamus, that's enough!" The viscount warned.

"If you'll excuse me." Seamus replied and left the table.

The table was quiet for a few moments, before one of the nobles started talking about some scandal. Leila was impressed by Seamus. Not because she shared his fascination with the Qunari, but because he dared to think differently and didn't just accept status quo. He wanted to improve the world and was seeking for a way to do that. And though some of the rules in the Qun seemed extreme, there were others parts that seemed more... compassionate in a way. She felt bad for him. He faced just as much opposition as Anders did and even had some of the same rebellious nature. When an acceptable amount of time had passed, Leila excused herself and walked out to find Seamus. She found him in the library, sitting in a chair before the fire. He smiled at her as she entered.

"Was the conversation not to your liking?" He asked with a grin.

"When I left they were discussing a noble from Rivain, who had recently made an imprudent match. The woman came from a family with only half the fortune he did." Leila replied faking shock and offense.

"A waste of your diplomatic abilities. Please." He chuckled and gestured to the chair opposite him.

"I think you manage to offend almost everyone at the table. Mother Patrice was still glowering, when I left." She said with a smile taking the seat.

"As the son of the Viscount, my life has already been dissected and divided. No matter what I believe. If I offend, well... some people try very hard to be offended." Seamus replied with a smile.

"Very true... It was very courageous of you, speaking out against the chantry like you did." She smiled.

"Some would call that being foolish. Don't let my father know you told me that, I doubt he would thank you for it." He smiled sadly.

"Wouldn't you rather have people know that you have some support?" She asked with a curious expression.

"And you offer it to me so willingly... Yes I would. If more dared to speak openly, perhaps we could put all this prejudice behind us." He replied with feeling.

"You will make a good Viscount some day and never doubt that you have my support." She smiled.

"Thank you. My father would be pleased to hear you say that. I think he hopes that you will calm my reckless nature... I suppose he would call it. Between you, Hawke and I we might be able to make changes for the better." He smiled.

"Better for all." She agreed with a smile.

-OOO- A month later -OOO-

Leila was walking through Darktown distributing some food and clothes that had been given by the refugee foundation. Ebony was following her cheerfully. Leila had managed to convince noble to give old clothes to her, so she could divide them among the refugees. Most of what she had gotten was the servant's old clothes, but it was good enough. The food had been bought from the money collected at the fundraisers. Most of it was currently in Anders' clinic, where she would distribute things for the children, but she wanted to make a personal delivery first. She smiled as five children ran towards her and embraced her.

"Did you bring cake?" The redhaired boy asked.

"Cricket! That's not polite." The blonde boy corrected.

"That's alright Walter. I brought biscuits. Is Evalina home?" Leila smiled.

"Yes." Walter replied with a smile.

They walked over to their home. It was a tent Leila had been able to provide for them and she was happy that she could make this small difference, but it didn't seem enough. Leila had a fond spot for Evalina, who had taken so many children into her care. She hardly spoke of her past, but Leila had suspected for awhile that she was an apostate, after Cricket had misspoken one day. Leila was greeted by a big hug, before handing her the bag of food and clothes.

"Maker smile on you. I don't know what would become of us, if not for your generosity." Evalina smiled sadly.

"I just wish I could do more. How are the children?" Leila asked and chuckled as she saw the smallest playing with Ebony and the others already munching away.

"They are alright, but it hasn't been easy. Dari caught a fever last week." Evalina replied.

"Did you take her to see the healer?" Leila asked and Evalina's eyes widened a little

"Yes... I... you know about him?" Evalina asked.

"Yes, he is a good man. Don't worry I am not turning anyone over to the templars." Leila smiled and Evalina seemed relieved.

"The same goes for you. If anything should happen, don't hesitate to come to me. My door is always open to you." Leila smiled and received another hug from Evalina.

"Thank the Maker, that there are people like you." Evalina sighed and smiled as she pulled away.

"I have to go now, but I'll be back next week." Leila replied.

She walked away with Ebony right behind her and walked towards the clinic. As she stood in the door Anders was talking to another man and the discussion seemed heated.  
"Andrastes tits! We **need** you Anders!" The man scolded.

"No you don't. You have done it a lot of times, without me... I can't help you." Anders replied sadly.

"What in the void happened to you? You were always the most dedicated of us and now suddenly it isn't important?!" The man replied heatedly.

"I have... a problem... that makes it dangerous for me to continue helping you." Anders replied a little shameful.

"We all have problems, you blighter! Is it because you are screwing some Hightown noble? Suddenly you are safe and then we don't matter!" He spat.

"How did you find out?" Anders asked with widened eyes and momentary fear showing on his face.

"I have been searching for you every night for several weeks, but you have been seen, by the refugees, walking towards Hightown more often recently. So either you have suddenly become a "good" little Andrastian or you are fucking your way to safety." He replied with bitterness.

"Have you told anyone?" Anders asked concerned.

"Of course I haven't! And Maker, are you even listening? Since when did you getting laid become a priority over the cause? I don't care who you blow, the templars will still come for you. Will your little whore protect you then?" He spat, his body language being intimidating.

"Don't you dare call her that!" Anders roared and for a moment the man seemed surprised.

"Her? You mean you are not banging Hawke?" The man asked wide eyed.

Leila coughed making her presence known. She probably has done this earlier, but the mixture between curiosity and a feeling of wanting to run away had frozen her in place. The stranger pulled his staff, but Anders stopped him.

"It's alright Clive. She can be trusted." Anders said calmly.  
"Who is she?" Clive demanded.

"I am Leila Amell. A pleasure to meet you and have no fear, I am no threat to you." Leila replied softly and walked towards them. A sudden understanding seemed to dawn on Clive.

"You are the noble who made suggestions to the Viscounts office, about wanting mages to get more freedom from the circle. I should have known someone more radical was behind that." Clive grinned looking at Anders.

"I did nothing. She did it on her own." Anders smiled fondly at her.

"This is who you have been seeing? Oh, I am so sorry my lady." Clive apologized.

"It's alright. I'm not offended." Leila smiled, but concern showed at her face.

"Clive, no one can know about this. Not even in the underground. If the templars find out..." Anders began with a fearful expression.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed. I'm sure none of us wish the templars to harm her... or any of us for that matter... We still need your help tonight." Clive replied and looked hopefully at Anders.

"I'm sorry, I..." Anders began. How was he going to give them an explanation without mentioning Justice?

"This is my fault. I am making a new proposal to the Viscount and I need Anders' help. He is expecting it tomorrow, so I'm afraid it cannot be delayed." Leila replied and Anders gave her a grateful look.

"You and your selfish prattle! Fine! If that is what you want. See you, when you remember where your loyalties lie." Clive hissed and left the clinic.

"Thank you, love." Anders said softly and pulled her close.

"You are welcome. He wanted your help freeing more mages from the gallows?" She asked stroking his cheek.

"Yes... I want to help, but with Justice... I'm afraid of what I might do." He said sadly and she pulled him even closer to comfort him.


	39. Chapter 39 Remains

Remains

Hawke came home after a trip to the Gallows. He didn't really want to deal with templars, but Aveline had requested that he should help Emeric with his investigation and he didn't want to let her down. As he walked through the door he heard laughter coming from the kitchen and he had to smile. He walked towards the kitchen and saw his mother and Leila talking and laughing.

"... Carver got so terrified, that he lay on the ground claiming he was dead. It was so difficult not to laugh and of course Malcolm couldn't help it." Leandra chuckled.

"I can almost imagine it. It must have been quite the sight." Leila replied with a smile.

"What are you two gossiping about?" Hawke asked standing in the doorway.

"The time you scared Carver by hiding in a pile of leaves." Leandra chuckled.

"Oh, that was easy. Just made the other pile move and then jump out of another. Aaahh... those first lessons of magic." Hawke chuckled.

"What did Malcolm say? I can't imagine him being thrilled with you using magic like that." Leila smiled.

"He tried to be stern of course, but he saw the humour in it as well. Garrett was grounded for weeks after that." Leandra smiled.

"How could you do something like that to him? He was only seven, poor boy." Leila shook her head.

"I had to. He nailed Bethany's braid to the bed." Hawke defended with a grin and was about to grab a fresh baked bun. Leandra slapped him over the fingers.

"Those are for later." She scolded.

"But I'm hungry." Hawke objected.

"What smells so good?" Anders asked appearing in the doorway. Using the distraction Hawke snatched two buns and threw one at Anders, before the women having any opportunity to object. Hawke stuffed it in his mouth and Leandra looked at him with a frown.

"Warshent 'e!" He muffled with his mouth full of bread.

"You will never grow up." Leandra replied shaking her head and removing the bread.  
Leila walked over to Anders, who was grinning and kissed him, before he took a bite of bread.

"Are you up for breaking an entry tonight, Anders?" Hawke smirked and Anders sighed.

"Couldn't we do something that wasn't criminal for once?" He smiled.

"Well, it isn't exactly criminal. Remember Emeric?" Hawke asked.

"The one investigating what happened to those missing women? Sure." Anders replied.

"He has a lead and the guards found nothing. So I said I would take a look. Are you in?" Hawke asked.

"Yeah, alright." Anders replied finishing his bread.

"Great. Varric will meet us here tonight and I thought we could bring Fenris, if Merrill isn't home yet. Where is she anyway?" Hawke wondered and Anders groaned at Fenris' name being mentioned.

"She is at her home in the alienage." Leila replied and Hawke nodded with understanding.

-OOO-

When Anders came home that night Leila was already asleep. He removed his clothes and got in bed next to her. He thought about the murdered women and a chill ran down his spine. What had happened to them was still wild speculation at this point, but he remembered the remains they found all those years ago and he didn't like any of it. There was probably nothing left of their bodies and he knew bloodmagic had to be involved. He turned and wrapped his arm around Leila's waist pulling her towards him. She stirred and turned her head and reached back with her hand, caressing his neck.

"You're home. Are you alright?" She said softly.

"Yes, I'm fine. We didn't find anything. Just be careful who you talk to. If there is a murderer out there I want you to be safe." He said softly kissing her neck.

"I'll be careful." She replied and gave him a small kiss.

-OOO-

Anders was in the clinic and was currently watching Leila. She had requested a few months ago, if she could give the children food and clothes from his clinic once a week. Darktowns children would come and get food, clothes and a medical check up by Anders, if they needed it. One day Leila had read them a story and now it had become a tradition that after the food had been distributed, they would listen to Leila telling stories. They were of course fairy tales from her own world and so the children loved them, because they had never heard of them before. He smiled as he listened to her stories. She had told him that she on purpose only told the once that put magic in a positive light. Even with the smallest things she did, she was thoughtful and deliberate.

"... and so they lived happily ever after." Leila ended the story.

"The fairy godmother, was she a mage?" One of the children asked.

"Of course she was! She did magic." Another child corrected.

"Yes, she was a mage. A very kind one." Leila smiled.

"Like the healer?" A little girl asked.

"Yes, just like the healer." Leila smiled and looked up at Anders who returned it.

"Are you and the healer going to live happily ever after?" Another little girl asked and Anders forced himself to smile, even as the comment was a little painful.

"People need to be in love for that." Leila replied, knowing that Anders understood why she was diverting the question. At his insistence no one could know about them.

"Isn't there any stories of poor men getting a princess?" Another child asked.

"There is and I'll tell you one next week. I think we have abused Anders' hospitality long enough. Of with you." Leila smiled and the children waved goodbye. Anders walked over to her and whispered in her ear.

"So what did this poor man do to get the princess?" He smirked.

"He healed her headache." She sighed and rubbed her temple. He chuckled and rested his hand on her neck releasing his cold magic. Suddenly the door opened and Hawke, Varric and Merrill came in the door with a serious expression on their faces.

"Anders, my mother received white lilies this morning and now she is gone." Hawke explained looking absolutely pale.

Without a word Anders strapped his staff to his back and filled his pouch with potions. He walked hastily over to Leila and looked at her seriously.

"I need you to go home and stay there. Don't let anyone in, but us." Anders said seriously and she nodded with understanding. He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and they walked out the door.

-OOO-

Hawke had his doubts, when he had let Gascard live, but right now he was thankful for it. They were running from Darktown towards Lowtown and Hawke felt his heartbeat beating at an unbearable speed. The death of his father and Bethany was haunting him. Seeing flashes of their eyes depraved of life before his own, made his blood run cold. Seeing how Carver had almost died from the darkspawn corruption made him sick to his stomach. And now some insane killer had his mother. He couldn't be too late. He had failed so many times in his life and he would not fail this time. He felt his heart stop, as they entered a warehouse, which was still all too familiar to him. He had joked about it, but the memory of finding bones torn from some woman's body was not easily forgotten. He looked to Anders for strength. He loved Merrill and treasured Varric, but Anders was his guide, when he felt everything was amiss. When he was uncertain he looked to this brother by friendship, who always seemed to be certain. Anders was certain in his own principals and never wavered from them. He knew what mattered the most to him and had an unspoken code that he followed, where as Hawke had always just drifted and was clueless about most things. Anders' determination was an inspiration to him and he took strength from it. The found a hatch and as soon as they opened it a foul stench came from it. Hawke felt sick, as the smell of rotten flesh, mould and sewage crept up through his nostrils, burning itself into his memory. He felt himself choking and breathed through his mouth, to keep himself from vomiting. He looked to his companions, who seemed to have a similar reaction. Even Anders, who had been dealing with the stench in a broodmother lair. Gascard seemed unaffected however, but Hawke didn't ponder it. The quickly got down the hatch and they had only just descended, when the first demons attacked them. Anders and Hawke looked at each. There was no doubt that this man was a bloodmage. Their worst fears were confirmed as the passed the body of Alessa, a noble woman who had been kidnapped. Hawke picked up speed and ran as fast as his legs would carry him. His father's voice ran through his mind "You are the head of the family now. Protect them.". That one simply request and he had failed miserably up until now. Not this time. He refused to fail. Finally, after what seemed an eternity of fighting demons did they find the bastard. Hawke felt fury burning in his veins, the acid burning painfully and felt his magic rising to the surface, only barely kept in control. He heard the whispering of a rage demon, but its tantalizing lies were drowned out by all the sounds connected to his painful memories. The sound of Bethany's body being crushed, Carver's pained breaths and moans as the corruption was surrounding him and the voice of his father, as he lie dying of cholera. The memory of his father drained of fluids almost made him throw up again. The man turned, his expression was sinister, his eyes cold and he looked as withered and battered as a corpse.

"I was wondering, when you would show up. Leandra was so sure you would come for her." He said.

"Mother always knew me best." Hawke replied in a snarky tone.

"Yes... and she spoke so fondly of you. What a lovely, gentle woman."

"Quentin!" Gascard said sternly walking forward.

"Gascard... so... you have reached me after all these years. I'd figured you gave up."

"You lying son of a bitch! Why didn't you tell me his name was Quentin!" Hawke growled, having a bad feeling about this.

"I had other things on my mind. I am going to learn your secrets old man. Everything you kept from me."

"I'm sorry to interrupt this teacher student reunion, but where is my mother?" Hawke demanded.

"I'm sorry Gascard. When my wife died I lost all hope. I wasn't able to be the mentor you deserved. But now my work is finished and I can teach you, like I always meant to." Quentin replied.

"You will let me be a part of this? You'll teach me the secrets of necromancy. I..." Gascard replied and an arrow went through his throat.

"What? You were going to do that right?" Varric shrugged.

"Yes, thank you." Hawke replied.

"You will never understand my purpose. Your mother was chosen because she was special. And now she is part of something greater." Qeuntin continued, unaffected by the death of his apprentice.

"You're crazy... I get it. Now where is my mother?!" Hawke demanded.

"I have done the impossible. I have touched the face of the maker and lived. Do you know what the strongest force in the universe is?... love. I pieced her together from memory. I found her eyes, her skin, her delicate fingers. And at last, her face... oh, this beautiful face. I searched far and wide to find you again beloved and no force on earth will part us." Quentin explained and from the chair rose a woman.

Hawke his entire body shake, as his stomach turned in on itself. Leandra came towards them, but the body wasn't hers. She had been torn and twisted, as the lunatic had turned her into his own personal quilt. Hawke knees almost gave in, when he felt Anders and Varric on each side of him holding him up. His mind was torn from his despair as Quentin summoned demons. Hawke let all his fury and hurt exit him through his magic, as he ripped the demons apart. Over and over he cut his wrist, not feeling any of the pain, but continued to draw magic from his blood. His family had paid over and over for his mistakes. Paid with their blood and lives, it only seemed fitting that is was his own that was sacrificed this time. The rage demon was beckoning, but he barely heard it. Not even the demon could drown out the cries and roars coming from him, as he ripped the demons and skeletons apart. His heart was pumping hard, pressing the blood through his veins and out the cuts on his body. He felt that he was losing too much, but he didn't care. It didn't matter if he survived this. His life would be a small price to pay for revenge. He was sending this bastard to the void, if it meant binding himself to him, before jumping down into it. When the last desire demon fell Hawke went for Quentin. He felt himself breathing heavily and felt his own blood running down his hands dripping on the floor. He cast his staff aside, this he wanted to do with his bare hands. He locked the man in stone, before summoning an electrical storm over him. Again and again the lightning hit Quentin and Hawke could almost taste the smell of burned flesh in the air. He gave a roar and ran towards the man's burned body as it fell to the ground. He punched his face and for each punched he made a feral cry. He could feel the man's bones break as his face was quickly covered in his own and Hawke's blood.

"Yes, that's it. Feel the power of the fury within you. You are tired of feeling powerless, are you not? I can help you. Together no one will be able to stop us. We will be unstoppable." The demon whispered in his ear.

"**Hawke!**" A stern voice called behind him... he knew this voice... yet he kept punching... he felt a hand on his shoulder...

"Hawke... He is dead..." The former stern voice said... Hawke remembered now... he trusted this voice... the demons chanting stopped and Hawke turned to look up at Anders. Unspoken words passed between the, both knowing just how close he had come to becoming an abomination. A creature no better than the man who mutilated his mother... his mother... Hawke ran towards his mother broken body and caught her before she fell.

"Anders!" Hawke cried and Anders walked up next to him.

"There is nothing I can do. His magic was keeping her alive." Anders said with regret in his voice.

"I knew you would come." Leandra said fondly looking up at him.

"You know me... always the one to save the day." Hawke smiled sadly.

"Shh... don't threat darling. I will see your father again. But you will be here alone." She said regretfully.

"Anders?" She asked.

"I'm here Leandra." Anders replied kneeling down next to Hawke. Merrill stood behind them and tears were falling from her eyes.

"Look out for my children... Leila and Garrett both need you..." She said softly.

"I will." Anders promised.

"I should have watched over you more closely... I should have." Hawke cursed himself.

"I love you... you have always made me so proud." Leandra replied, as the life faded from her eyes.

Hawke felt his heart collapse. He failed. He had sworn not to fail. As he was lost in grief he suddenly felt a familiar yet terrifying coldness. Frost started forming on the ground and his mother body turned colder... almost frozen. He could see his own breathing in the air and as he heard a sound, that was a mixture of ice breaking and lightning, he jumped to his feet. A foggy mist formed, rising from the ground and from it emerged an all too familiar shadow. The tall figure stepped forward, his black tethered robe dragging along the misty ground and his black wings moving slightly.

"Great ancestors!" Varric breathed.

"No you can't have her! Make me another deal. Bring her back to me." Hawke begged.

"I cannot. You made a bargain with me before. I warned you that balance would have to be restored. I brought back the long since past soul of your sister and I told you that there would be a price. To bring a soul back requires another soul... I'm sorry." Death sighed sadly.

"No!... no, no, no, no, no." Hawke chanted and fell to his knees.

He had done this. His bloodmagic, carelessness and arrogance had done this. He was as responsible for his mother's death as Quentin was. He had bargained his mother's life without knowing it.

_"Do you know the repercussions of what you are asking, mortal? There will be a price and that price is not for you to decide."_ Death had warned him.

_"My best friend is a dwarf, I know things aren't cheap."_ He had joked.

He had made a bargain, his sister's soul for her mother's life and he had joked about it. Anders was right about bloodmagic. He should have listened to him. He should have listened to Death. He should have listened to his father. Why did he never listen?

_"So impulsive... So many lives end so early because of it. "_ Death had said.

Hawke collapsed completely on the ground, his already broken heart shattering from guilt. When he found himself almost begging for Death to claim him, he felt Merrill's touch on his face, before she made him sit up. He looked into her eyes full of tears and worry for him. He couldn't leave her. He had seen the worst of bloodmagic today and she was in more danger than ever. He would protect and watch over her. _"Like you did mother, Carver and Bethany?"_ His mind screamed bitterly. Death kneeled in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You are not responsible for her death, only her soul. I know this man well... he has brought much innocent death. You are not responsible for his actions only your own." Death said in a soothing voice.

"I sold her life..." Hawke said in a broken voice.

Death rose and let his scythe hover over Leandra's body and her apparition formed standing next to death. She looked healthy and her smile was warm and kind. Out of the foggy mist came Malcolm and greeted his wife. They looked at their son with a smile on their face before disappearing into the mist. Hawke looked up at Death.

"Take care of them..." Hawke said in a low voice.

"I shall." Death replied before vanishing with the mist.

Hawke gave a sob as Merrill held him, as he was overcome not only with grief, but with guilt. Hawke never cried, but this was more than his heart could take. Anders looked at his grieving friend and the dead body of a woman who had treated him like family. His heart ached with grief, but this could not be compared to what Hawke was feeling. The part of him that was Justice wanted to lecture him and the part that was Anders wished he had some comforting words to offer. Hawke had not done the deed, but by making a deal with Death he might have caused fate to choose Leandra as Quentin's last victim. Quentin was right about one thing. Love was the strongest force in the universe. It made Hawke take any action in order to bring someone back he loved and bring peace to his mother's heart. At least in some way he had succeeded. The last year and a half Leandra had been happy. He had managed to bring joy to her life, which had been missing, probably since Malcolm's and Bethany's deaths. This was what had brought Leila here. Leila... Anders' heart ached for her. She would take this hard. She would blame herself if she ever knew. Hawke had gotten up and silent tears no longer fell from his eyes. Hawke looked at Anders half expecting a lecture, but also hoping for his friend to support him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help her, Hawke." Anders said softly placing a hand on his friends shoulder.

"I know... You would have saved her if you could." Hawke replied sadly.

"Leila can never know this. If she is told, she will blame herself." Anders said seriously.

"Your right... what just happened here... no one can ever be told. Especially not her... Agreed?" Hawke replied looking around and they all nodded.

"Good... we'll better get out of here." Hawke said his voice emotionless.

"I'll inform Aveline and the city guard... I'll take care of all of this. You just go home." Varric replied.

"Thank you Varric." Hawke replied and kneeled down next to his mother's body.

"Goodbye mother... I'll miss you." He said softly before kissing his brow.  
Merrill, Hawke and Anders were about to walk out of there, when Varric grabbed Anders' arm gently.

"Keep an eye on him, Blondie." Varric said in a low voice and Anders nodded.

-OOO-

Walking into the estate Bodahn informed Hawke that Gamlen was in the study. He had been silent on the way back and looked broken... almost soulless. Anders healed Hawke's wounds, but he didn't even seem to notice. Hawke then walked into the study leaving Merrill and Anders in the living room. Anders turned to Merrill.

"Don't leave him alone. If you get overly worried about him, don't hesitate to come for me." He instructed.

"I will. Thank you, Anders." Merrill said in a low voice.

Anders closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as he heard a happy and exited Ebony running down the stairs to greet him. Leila would not be far behind and he would have to tell her what had happened. He kneeled down to greet the dog that instantly felt something was wrong and whined. Leila came out the door with a worried expression on her face.

"You're home! Did you find her?" She asked walking down the stairs, but turned pale as she saw the expression on his face. Anders walked up in front of her and she swallowed.

"What happened?" She asked barely over a whisper and Anders took a deep breath.

"We were too late. She was already dead, when we arrived at the killer's lair." Anders replied and Leila's expression turned blank for a moment. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Did she suffer?" She asked.

"I don't know... I don't think so." He replied softly.

"Okay... How is Garrett?" She said, her eyes tearing, but not allowing them to fall.

"He is not taking it well." He said in a low voice.

"I'll better see if he needs anything. There is water in the bathtub for you. I'll be up as soon as I have spoken with Garrett." Leila replied and walked into the study as Gamlen exited it.

Anders admired her. She was heartbroken. He knew she was, but she pushed aside her own emotions for the good of others. She would grieve, when all the practical things were out of the way. And when she was ready he would be there. He walked up stairs and heated the water in the tub. It was thoughtful of her to have this ready for him. She had probably needed something to occupy her mind. Twenty minutes later she came into their bedroom and lay down on the bed watching him. He got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around himself, before sitting down on the bed.

"I know nothing I say will change it, it's just... I'm sorry. You were lucky to have her as long as you did. When they pain fades that's what will matter." He said softly stroking her hair.

"I know... thank you." She said softly as a silent tear fell.

"I am here for you. Whatever you need." He replied and kissed her head.

"Just hold me." She said in a low voice.

He lay down next to her and held her close, as he felt her silent tears on his chest.


	40. Chapter 40 Anything

Anything

Walking into that day chantry was one of the hardest things Hawke had ever done. He had hardly spoken to anyone and only because of Merrill, Leila and Anders, had he actually gotten something to eat. Guilt was tearing him apart, but no doubt it would disappear long before appropriate. Like everything else with him. Today he had Merrill on his arm. He didn't care what the nobles might think of him. Not anymore. They could talk all they wanted, he was not ashamed of loving Merrill and those who could not handle it, was free to gossip behind his back. Many had turned up for the funeral and Leila wondered why. It was not like they had taken time to get to know Leandra. Hawke, Gamlen and Leila were the first at the altar lighting a candle for her, after that the rest of the gathering did the same. This was the first time Leila was present at a religious ceremony in Thedas. It was terrible that it was under such dreadful circumstances. Only time would put a distance to the loss they felt, but at least Leila still had Hawke, Anders and Merrill. Some of the Hawke family remained. After the ceremony Sebastian walked up to Leila and she already dreaded it. She didn't want to hear that it was the will of the Maker. She didn't need or want that explanation. She just wanted to try and accept this loss. She had already lost one mother and now she had lost her adoptive mother. She knew how this felt and how to get through it... not that it made it any easier. He walked over to her and took her hand. He always seemed to want to touch her and though it was nothing but a friendly gesture, it worried her.

"I'm so sorry for you loss." Sebastian said in earnest.

"Thank you." Leila replied in a low voice.

"She is with the Maker now." He replied and Leila just gave a sad smile as a reply.

"Leila." A voice said behind her and she turned to see Seamus.

"Hello Seamus. It was kind of you to come." She said softly.

"Not at all. I'm sorry, I know how much she meant to you. My mother died when I was younger. I can't say I know your pain, but I can relate to it. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am ready to listen." Seamus said kindly.

"Thank you... If you excuse me I think I'm going to go home with Garrett now." She smiled and walked after Hawke and Merrill out of the chantry.

Walking through the chantry she saw Anders watching her. His expression was sad and compassionate as he watched her. There was also a longing in his eyes whenever he looked at her and couldn't... shouldn't embrace her. Especially in circumstances like this. He had been wonderful through all of this, to both her and Hawke. Hawke had used so much of his own blood that day that Leila suspected he nearly died. That had resulted in Hawke being very weak and had gotten a fever. Anders had healed him and given him a lot of potions, while Leila and Merrill had made sure to get him to eat. Anders had held her every night until she calmed and hardly left her side this past week. Outside the chantry he walked up next to her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked concerned.

"Like drowning myself in ice cream." She chuckled sadly and he smiled.

"Well, then we'll better make some, when we get home... What did Seamus want?" Anders replied, the first part with a smile and the latter casually.

"He just offered to listen should I ever need it." She replied and dried a silent tear that had fallen.

Anders took her hand and made it rest in the crook of his arm. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder as the continued to walk home.

-OOO- Three weeks later -OOO-

Since it had been made public who had murdered the missing women (undoubtedly made public by the Knight-commander) the templars had been prowling the streets vigorously. No less than five times, these few weeks, had Anders been forced to make a last minute escape from his clinic and Leila was getting increasingly worried. Several people had been hanged for supporting mages and the Gallows were filling up quickly. So each night she was pacing back and forth until he was home safely. Leila couldn't remember ever being this afraid. Not for herself, but for those she loved. Hawke had been quiet lately, but he was slowly beginning to show his old self. In addition to this the city was getting more tense by the minute it seemed. Leaflets from anti Qunari showing up everywhere and they were beginning to fear another poison incident would soon occur. Today Leila was heading to the Viscount's office, hoping to get some more information about what was happening in the city. Hoping that she could get any information, which could help her shield Anders. After Leandra's death Leila had become even more terrified of losing more people she cared for. She couldn't lose Anders. She was greeted by Seamus almost as soon as she entered the keep.

"Leila, this is unexpected." He smiled.

"Yes, I know. I was hoping to get some more information regarding the problems in the city." She replied.

"And so you shall. Come with me." He smiled and she followed him into the library.

"Meredith seems to be determined to make her presence known in the city." Leila began, trying to sound casual about it.

"Yes, the Knight-commander would have us think that she is responding to her duties, but only a fool would believe it. This is about control. My father hasn't been as supportive of the order as Meredith would like. She is just using Quentin as an excuse." Seamus replied and poured a glass of wine handing it to her.

"Perhaps, if she paid more attention to her duties than political power, Leandra wouldn't have died." Leila said bitterly.

"You are right... I have been meaning to talk to you, but I wanted to wait until Leandra's death was at a distance. However, the instability of the city forces me to speak to you now." He said seriously, while giving a small smile.

"Of course. Tell me what I can do to help." She smiled sweetly.

"Please sit down." He replied gesturing at the couch and sat down next to her. He took a deep breath.

"I want to tell you how much I admire you; your courage to speak out openly, your desire to actively change things and your earnest care for Kirkwall and its people. You have made be believe that we can make a difference if we join our forces." He smiled.

"I believe we can." She smiled and Seamus took her hand. She swallowed hard realising what turn this discussion might take.

"As the Viscounts son I need someone strong by my side. Especially with the obstinacy of the chantry and templars. I need someone who can see things from a different point of view. That's why I would like to make you an offer of marriage." He said looking into her eyes.

For a moment she was completely speechless. An uncomfortable shiver ran through her body and she found it hard to breathe. Seamus was a good man. The only one she knew who could honestly say he had never harmed anyone. His points of views and independence showed his intelligence, even if his fascination with the qun sometimes clouded some of his judgement. But she loved Anders. The man who gave up everything for what he believed to be right. The one who was truly selfless and courages. The one who had gone through so much hardship and seen so little happiness. She didn't want anyone else.

"I'm sorry Seamus. I care for you and admire you greatly, but I do not love you." She replied with a pained expression and sad voice. Seamus however didn't seem taken aback by it.

"I know... You are in love with the healer in Darktown, aren't you?" He smiled and her face turned pale. He stroked her hand to calm her.

"No one has told me. Senechal Bran saw you down there one day and he is a known friend of Hawke. There are not many signs, you have hidden it well." He replied.

"Not well enough it would seem." She replied a tear falling from her eye, images of templars dragging Anders away already filling his mind.

"Don't despair... I want you to consider marrying me. It will give you the power to save him from the templars. As my wife they won't be able to touch him. Not even the Knight-commander will risk a public incident for the sake of one apostate. Together we will be able to change things for the better, for elves and mages as well. This can be a political match only. We don't have to take this into the bedroom unless you wish it. I also understand that you love him and if you are able to be as discreet about it as you are currently, I won't object. The truth is we need each other." He said seriously.

She rubbed her face taking a deep breath, before she got up and started pacing. The fact that several people had found out about their relationship was driving her insane with worry. If they found out were Anders hid, then it would be the end of him. The thought of him being tranquil... Those warm brown eyes, filled with passion... the thought of them being empty... was making her sick. The thought of meeting him in Gallows and not receiving a smile, but only a vacant stare... she couldn't breathe. The thought of him being killed... the images of the different deaths, Death had shown her, flashed before her eyes. Was the man she loved really doomed, no matter what way you turned and twisted fate?

"This is all so overwhelming." She replied as a mixture of emotions cascaded inside her.

"Just consider it. That's all I ask." Seamus said softly.

-OOO-

Anders was making some potions, when he suddenly heard the door open. He grabbed his staff and turned around. The increase in templar raids had him constantly on edge and Justice was screaming for the ones he knew, who had already been taken to the Gallows. Families were hunted for simply having a relation to any mage. Apostate or not. This made him worry for Leila even more and he was thankful for their decision to keep their relationship a secret. He would do anything to protect her. He gave a sigh of relief when he saw Leila.

"Maker, love. You scared me." He smiled and walked over to kiss her. He was surprised by the intensity of the kiss coming from her, but he pulled her closer letting it deepen. He then noticed a sadness about her and she was shivering. He pulled away and looked down into her watery eyes.

"Love, you're trembling. Has something happened?" He asked with concern.

"People know about us... Not just your friend from the underground, but Seamus and seneschal Bran know as well. What if they figure out where to find you at night? What if they take all of you? I can't lose you." She replied as tears started flowing from her eyes.

He pulled her close and kissed her deeply. He wished he could tell her it would be alright, but he couldn't make that promise. This had always been the risk. The thought of them hurting her, was what terrified him the most. He sighed heavily.

"Hawke has his title and wealth to protect him and Merrill is nearly invisible to them. As for me, they need to catch me and I won't give them the opportunity. I promise." He smiled and she pulled away and rested against his desk. She looked worried and started biting her lip deep in thought.

"How did Seamus find out?" He asked.

"You had been treating seneschal Bran one day and he had seen me here. That combined with your friendship with Hawke, he figured you must be the one I was in love with." She replied not looking at him.

"How did he know you were in love with someone?" He asked confused, as Leila was normally good at hiding her emotions.

"He proposed to me." She replied calmly.

"He proposed? Poor bastard... I hope he wasn't too heartbroken." He replied with a sad smile.

"I accepted, Anders." She replied calmly still looking into the ground.

Anders lost his breath and an electrical surged went through his body, giving him an uncomfortable ache all the way to his fingertips. His heart turned in on itself and his stomach cringed. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. It must be a mistake. She must have misspoken. She loved him. He knew she did.

"You did **what?!**" He cried with disbelief.

"I agreed to marry him." She replied looking directly at him, removing any doubt that she truly meant it.

"How could you?" He asked with disbelief and a little anger penetrating it.

"I did it to keep you safe. If I am married to the future Viscount, the templars won't be able to harm you."

"So you did it for power?!" He roared.

"No I did it for **you**! The thought of you being killed or made tranquil is making every second I breathed **unbearable**!" She replied, but only just keeping herself from shouting.

"What about me? How can you claim to love me and then do something like this?" He spat.

"I do love you. Do you think I want to marry someone I don't love?" She replied.

A little relief entered his heart. She didn't want to marry Seamus and she did love him. He walked closer to her and took her hands.

"Then don't marry him. Marry me instead. Don't do this." He replied pleadingly.

"No, I don't want to lose you, but your life is more important." She replied pulling her hands away.

"**So you are just going to sell your body?! Like a whore?**" He roared, as anger and hurt began clouding his judgement.

"**Like you sold yours to Justice?** You sold yours in the name of mage freedom and now I am selling mine to keep you free. How is that any different? We are all whores, Anders. The price just varies." She replied sternly and began walking out the clinic. She stopped in the door and turned around to look at him.

"He doesn't even want me to sleep with him. He said that he didn't mind that we continued our relationship." She said softly looking at him.

"And then I'll just be your personal **pet**? No thank you!" He spat angrily.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before leaving the clinic. Anders heart shattered, as he lost his footing and collapsed in the chair behind him. He had spent months terrified of losing her and now he finally had. How could she do it? All those nights spent in each other's arms and loving each other. Suddenly they were all meaningless? He managed to get up from the chair and walked into his bedroom. It was over half a year since he had slept in it last and then she had been right beside him. He collapsed on the bed and gave a strangled sob. He loved her so much. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. He then began to feel ashamed, as he realised that there was nothing she wouldn't do for him either. That was what she had been trying to tell him. She was willing to give up on her chance to marry for love and risk his rage in order to keep him safe. Every heartbeat was painful, every breath strained and his muscles were aching. The only thing that could cure him was having her in his arms. The mages in the tower had been right. Mages shouldn't fall in love no matter the circumstances. He had broken the most essential rule and now he was paying the price. Even Justice seemed to be in pain. He had warned her that he would break her heart, not once had he seriously considered that she might break his. Not even with his jealousy. Now she had made one of the largest sacrifices imaginable for him and he had scolded her and treated her with hatred. He had never felt so undeserving of her. He wanted to run after her and apologize, but he decided not to. It was better this way. This way she would be safe and could have a real life. Better to let her think that he hated her, so that would make her pain easier to bear. He reached into the pouch of his belt and pulled out the ring. He caressed it lovingly before burrowing his head in the pillow and giving an agonizing cry. The only light in his life had left him alone in the dark.

-OOO-

Anders heard footsteps through the clinic, but he didn't care. If they were templars let them come and claim him. He didn't care anymore. His back was turned towards the door and the person stopped in the doorway.

"Anders..." He heard Hawke's voice say.

"I can't help you today, Hawke." Anders replied.

"It wasn't... Leila told what happened." Hawke said sadly.

"Then you understand why I want to be alone." He replied in a low voice and Hawke let out a huge sigh.

"This was the last thing I wanted... after mother... I wanted us to be a family, but Leila is determined to do this. She wants to protect us... Her protecting us... imagine that." Hawke gave a strained and painful chuckle. Anders didn't reply.

"She also told me that Seamus would allow your relationship to continue and that you broke it off with her."

"I can't bear to share her with anyone... She chose him over me." Anders said bitterly in a broken voice.

"She chose your life over your love... I don't blame you and I'm not here to talk you out of it. I just wanted to tell you that I have made Bodahn make a bedroom for you in the basement. You can sleep there at night. It is not safe for you down here. " Hawke said softly.

"I don't care. Let the templars come." He replied bitterly.

"**Damn it, Anders!** You are heartbroken, I get that, but she is making a sacrifice, for you! She has to be married to man she doesn't love for the rest of her life. You might be heartbroken now, but at least you have the possibility of finding love again. She won't have even have that option. You don't have to like it and I understand that you are angry with her. But if you ever loved her, then at least have the decency not to throw her sacrifice in the garbage!" Hawke scolded and Anders sat up looking at him.

"Your right... thank you... you didn't have to do that." He replied.

"Yes I did... You and Leila are the only family I have left." Hawke replied and walked out of the clinic.

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-  
Yes, I know. I'm a horrible person, but this leads to change in the story line and opens up new possibilities. I hope you enjoyed it, despite of how sad it is._


	41. Chapter 41 Always

Always

Only a month had passed since Leila had accepted Seamus and the blighted wedding was already happening today. The Viscount had been thrilled that Seamus and Leila were to marry. He had hoped for this all along. He hoped that Leila could calm Seamus and that it would bring some stability to the city or at the very least his personal life. Therefore the Viscount had rushed the wedding to take place as soon as possible. Anders hadn't spoken with Leila since the day she told him she was marrying Seamus and his entire being was aching for her. Forget the ache he had carried around with him, before they had finally confessed their feelings. That ache paled in comparison. He was not only left with dreams and haunting fantasies of her. This time he had memories. He could still feel the softness of her skin under his touch. Still hear her steady breathing that had become his lullaby, fending off nightmares of darkspawn and templars. Still taste the sweetness of her soft lips. Justice wasn't handling it any better. His emotions were distorted and confused. Emotions had always been difficult for Justice to handle, but this had the spirit paralyzed. Anders had been staying in the basement and hadn't been up in the house for a month. Merrill had made sure that Ser Purrcival was down in Anders new quarters and Hawke had made sure the servants came down with food for Anders, when he didn't have the time to do it himself. Today Anders forced himself up those stairs, which seemed to be endless. His heart ached more for every step, but he finally reached Leila's bedroom. He considered knocking, but didn't. He opened the door and saw Orana helping Leila with her wedding dress. He lost his breath. She was standing in a pure white dress, the fabric looking soft and light. It was long and dragged behind her. Her shoulders and neck was left exposed and it had impossible long sleeves in a see-through fabric that reached the floor. The back was tied with golden laces. She turned to face him and he saw a golden pattern embodied on the top. The top was also decorated with tiny red stones making it sparkle. Around her waist was a long golden ribbon that reached the floor. He looked into her sad eyes. Her lips red and her hair braided to her shoulders, as the rest of it was curled and hanging lose. In her hair were clear crystal pearls that looked like raindrops and a single red rose. A golden circlet with rubies was decorating her forehead. His eyes caught her necklace. She was wearing the necklace that he gave her. Though, the leather band had been replaced with a golden chain. Even on her wedding day she was wearing his token of love.

"Thank you Orana. Would you give us some privacy please?" Leila smiled kindly to Orana who left the room and closed the door behind her.

He had been angry with her, but as she stood there he saw nothing but her beauty and felt nothing but his love for her. She had to be the saddest bride in history as she stood there, her eyes tearing, but her self control kept them from falling. She looked like a ghost; pale, sad and haunted. Her heart was breaking as much as his was. He had thought her heart would break because of him, but only now he realised it was breaking for him. This wasn't right. He should be the one marrying her today, not some Viscount's son.

"You look beautiful." He breathed and a tear fell from her eye.

She took three steps towards him, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He eagerly responded and pressed her body against his. Her lips were even softer than he remembered and they parted allowing his tongue to softly caress hers. He never wanted this moment to end. As she gave a low moan he felt himself shattering and his tears started flowing freely from his eyes. It was only, when he was feeling lightheaded from lack of oxygen and his lungs were burning, that he pulled away. He looked down into her watery green eyes and he felt her gentle hands stroke his cheek, removing his tears.

"I will always love you." He whispered in a broken voice.

"And I you." She replied.

The door opened and Merrill came in.

"Oh, I'm so sorry..." Merrill said in a flustered way.

"It's alright, Merrill. I'm coming." Leila replied and released herself from Anders' embrace and walked out the door, leaving Anders to collapse on the bed giving a muffled sob, when she was out of hearing distance.

-OOO-

Hawke stood outside the chantry waiting for the ceremony to begin. This should be a happy day, but not a single one of his companions was showing any signs of happiness. They stood in complete silence. Hawke put his arm around Merrill and held her close. She was the only one he could lean on now. Nothing would ever be the same. They had three months of happiness, were people who loved each other were together and now that had all gone. He was lucky really. At least he had Merrill and thanks to Leila's decision, the templars would not come after them. They were safe, but right now Hawke would rather live with the fear of discovery. Merrill looked up at him.

"Hawke... This isn't right." Merrill said in a low voice.

"I know my love, but there is nothing we can do." Hawke sighed.

"But people should marry for love." Merrill argued.

"The world isn't like that, Kitten. Most women don't marry for love." Isabella replied sadly.

"I suppose in a way you could say that she is marrying for love. She just isn't marrying the one she does love." Aveline replied sadly and Donnic squeezed her a little.

"If only everyone were as lucky as us." Donnic said softly.

"**This is shit!** This wasn't how that romance was supposed to end." Varric gurmbled.

"She is doing what people have done for generations. And it's a noble sacrifice. I'm just sorry she is making it for **him**." Fenris added sadly, but with a fair amount of bitterness in the last part of the sentence.

"My brothers had arranged marriages and seemed happy. This might not be bad for her." Sebastian replied, but there was sadness in his eyes. Hawke figured he had to be heartbroken, but unlike Anders he had his faith in the Maker to cope with it.

"No offense Sebastian, but this is now official the **worst** place in Kirkwall. Forget the Bonepit, nothing good ever happens in that blighted building." Hawke sighed.

Sebastian was about to reply, when they were all asked to enter the Chantry. Hawke was to give Leila away and stayed behind. He joined her in one of the rooms to the side and smiled at her. She returned it and though she put on a brave face and had a convincing facade, Hawke knew she was heartbroken. He didn't even dare to think what Anders was feeling or doing at this moment. She took his arm and he led her up to the podium. Walking down that isle he remembered everything that had happened here; Karl's death, Isabella's encounter with the bastards that wanted her killed, his mother's funeral and the Grand Cleric's dismissal of the tranquil solution. He had spilled his fair amount of blood within these walls. This place was more bloody and dangerous than the Hanged Man. As they reached the podium, every part of his being was crying out for him to stop it. He shouldn't be giving her away to that man. Hawke's only solace was that Seamus was a good and kind man, despite his somewhat deluded fascination with the Qunari. There was no doubt in his mind that he would treat her kindly and she would never be in want for anything. He also had no doubt that Leila would use her new position wisely. Undoubtedly some would say she did this for the power, but eight people in this room knew the truth. Power had nothing to do with it.

-OOO-

Anders was sitting in his clinic. As far away from Hightown as possible, where the love of his life was currently taking a path that he could not follow. As far away from the charade of happiness, fake smiles and congratulations. He closed his eyes and imagined the farewell kiss they had shared earlier. He tried to imagine that it was a kiss sealing their union and not their separation. She looked so beautiful and everything about her had been tantalizing. He found himself wishing she had never come to Thedas. That Hawke had never done that blighted ritual. He would have been alone, but at least he would never have had to face this. He would take loneliness over this feeling of despair any day. This felt as horrible as the day the templars have pulled him from his mother's arms. Because he was a mage everyone he had ever loved had been taken from him. Had he not been a mage, had the chantry not persecuted his people for centuries, he would be the one marrying her. He stood up and in his frustration directed a mixture of a fireball and a mind blast at one of the cots. It exploded and pieces flew everywhere. If it only were that easy. Reducing the chantry and templar order to rubble. It would probably start a war... A war that would change Thedas forever. It would give the mages an opportunity to fight back and in the future no one would be harmed or separated from the ones they loved, for simply being a mage. With new determination Anders walked towards his bookcase. He would bring about Justice and freedom to the mages of Thedas.

-OOO-

Leila was standing on the balcony of her new bedroom. It was grand to say the least, but she would give almost anything to be in a cot in Darktown with Anders instead. That kiss still lingered on her lips and the shivering sensation it gave her simply to be near him, was imprinted on her heart. She did not regret her decision, but she regretted that it was necessary. She had told Fenris that she refused to give into fear. How wrong she had been. Fear what was made her deal with Death, fear was what made her marry Seamus. She had become the hostage of fear and it was controlling her. She heard the door open and turned to see Seamus enter the room. She smiled kindly at him and he took it as a sign to allow him to walk closer. He walked out next to her on the balcony.

"You looked... look beautiful today." He smiled looking down at her.

"Thank you. Did I meet the standards of the nobles do you think?" She chuckled.

"And beyond. But it doesn't matter... you are worth a hundred of them." He smiled and dared to let his fingers play with a lock of her hair.

"I'm glad you think so." She replied simply and looked up at the stars.

"You miss him... I know it's none of my business, but when are you to see him again." He asked carefully.

"It's over... and it's for the best. I wouldn't be comfortable deceiving you... Not to mention the scandal if anyone found out." She sighed and felt his fingers caressing her cheek. She turned and looked into the blue eyes. They looked so kind and even had some of the same passion in them as Anders.

"I'm sorry that your heart got broken, but if you will let me I will do anything I can to mend it... Despite my political motives, there was a more important reason for marrying you." He said softly as he stepped closer to her.

"What was it?" She said barely over a whisper.

"I'm in love with you." He whispered and hesitantly lowered his lips to hers.

His lips softly touched hers and despite herself Leila responded, as tears fell from her eyes. The kiss was soft and gentle... comforting. It made her feel less alone and gave her hope that this marriage would not necessarily be an unhappy one. She then saw Anders face before her eyes and carefully she broke the kiss and looked down onto the floor. She felt Seamus' hands gently stroking her arms.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked softly.

"No... stay... I don't want to be alone." She replied looking up again and he gave her another soft kiss.

-OOO-

Leila awoke, when she felt movement in the bed. She turned to see Seamus getting out of bed and getting dressed. His body was much like Anders' in a way. Lean muscles and a little skinny, but it was clear that he did not fight and he did not have a single scar on his torso. Not like Anders, whose hard life was imprinted on his skin and soul. Seamus was handsome in his own way, the black hair that always seemed a little wild and those icy blue eyes filled with passion and determination. His nose was not very pretty, but the same could be said for Anders'. Seamus also had many of the same qualities as Anders, but he was not even close to being as haunted. Perhaps in time she could come to love him, but her heart kept reminding her that he wasn't Anders. Maybe someday her heart would forget.

"You're getting up early." She smiled and he turned to look at her.

"Yes. There is to be a meeting about the Qunari presence. Would you rather I stay here?" He asked looking at her.

"No, that is important. Maybe you can prevent the situation from escalating. Is there something you need me to do?" She asked.

"I knew there was a reason I married you. I will have to talk to Bran about you getting full access to the documents and files kept here. I am sure you would like to study them." He smiled fondly.

"I would love too." She said with excitement.

"I'll talk to him as soon as possible." Seamus smiled and kissed her hand, before walking out the door.

Leila turned and opened the drawer in her nightstand. She picked up a feather that had fallen of Anders' coat one day. This and her necklace were now her most prized possessions. She played with her necklace and felt the gold chain. She had been saddened to remove the leather band, but since she never took of the necklace it had broken and needed to be replaced. She took the feather and kissed it before letting it run over her face, tickling her, while she imagine her face tucked into Anders' coat. Silent tears fell and within minutes later her pillow was soaked.

-OOO-

After composing herself Leila had walked down to the library and seneschal Bran had (reluctantly) given her access to the history of Kirkwall and documents from the Viscount's office. Leila had not married Seamus to gain political influence, but now that she had it, she would do her outmost to use it wisely. Her first decision was to learn more about Knight-commander Meredith, who had proven to be more aggressive of late. She was clearly controlling the city and Leila wanted to know why she was allowed to. She remembered Seamus telling about a predecessor called Perrin Chivalry, who had been killed by the templars. What she found made everything so much clearer. Perrin had not been a good Viscount. In fact he had been quite the tyrant; controlling the city through threats and viciousness. But then she found another account completely; One that said that Perrin was a good man, who tried to free Kirkwall for those who abused their power. From what Leila had seen of Kirkwall politics, she was more likely to believe the last account. Perrin had started a war with the Orlisian Empire, who was dominating the Freemarches much like they had Ferelden. The Knight-commander at that time had said that it was not the templars duty to get involved with politics, but the Divine at the time had disagreed. This had forced a confrontation with the templars, where the Knight-commander had been hanged. After that the templar army had gone against Kirkwall and sieged the city. This was where it got interesting. Elthina had been appointed Grand Cleric of Kirkwall after this and had tried and imprisoned Perrin. Two years later he had been mysteriously poisoned. After Perrin's arrest Elthina had appointed Meredith as Knight-commander. It suddenly made sense why Elthina would not speak against her or even judge her character. This would be admitting that Elthina had made a mistake in the first place. It meant her judgement and wisdom had not been as credible, as she wanted people to believe. Still Leila had a hard time believing that Elthina was not capable of admitting to her mistakes.

As Leila kept reading she found out why Viscount Dumar was having such trouble standing up to Meredith. She was the one who had appointed him Viscount in the first place. And if she could give him power, she could take it away again. She had probably chosen him, because he could be easily controlled. Leila felt bad for Dumar, who was using himself as a shield between the templars and his people. Meredith was also the leader of the largest military force in Kirkwall. If the Viscount was to oppose her, war would likely soon follow. Dumar was trapped. Had the burden of being informed and expected to solve all the problems in Kirkwall, but had none of the power to do it. The occupation of the Orlisian Empire still haunted this city and it was kept alive by the templars and chantry. Leila felt sick. No wonder the situation was so tense. The viscount was bound on his hands and feet, but Leila was not going to declare defeat. One day Seamus and she would be the once in charge of Kirkwall and they would have inherited the throne, instead having it handed to them. Hopefully that would give Meredith less power over them. An occupation of Kirkwall was still in place and she would find away to end it. Hopefully, with more success than the previous Viscount. The chantry was the key to all of this and in the end that meant the Divine. Leila remembered that a new Divine had recently been chosen after the death of the previous a few months ago. Divine Justinia V... she needed to know what she was like. If she would be friend or foe.


	42. Chapter 42 Cause

Cause

Two months had pasted since Seamus Dumar had married Leila Amell. There were many opinions on the match, since both was known for speaking there mind, having controversial ideas and points of view. Leila was adored among the poor and since her rise in station she had taken an interest in the elves. She was getting increasingly popular in the alienage. She managed to get information about the alienage without demeaning the population. She was respectful and treated them as equals, which had given some of them hope. Others still believed her intensions to be nothing but empty promises. The Grand Cleric spoke fondly of the new Dumar and had called her wise, compassionate and generous, traits that her Grace herself was known for. Still there were whispers of not everyone in the Chantry being fond of Leila Dumar. She did not seem to be as devout as many would have liked. The strained relationship that already existed between the Chantry and the Viscount's office, did not benefit from this either. The situation with the Qunari had not improved, but due to Dumar's, Hawke's, Seamus' and Leila's efforts there was hope that the situation could be resolved peacefully. Leila had continued to being a benefactor for the refugees in Darktown and though some nobles found this interest beneath her others found her compassion compelling. Since the nobles were frustrated with the Viscount's inaction, they had started hoping that Leila and Seamus would be capable of action once their rein came.

Leila had continued to study the history of Kirkwall and tried to find ways, in which her proposals to improve the city could be accepted. So far Meredith had put a stop to it. It seems that everywhere Leila turned she would face the obstacle of the templars. Meredith still had templars patrolling the streets, but the crime rate had not been lowered by it. Leila was getting the feeling that Meredith was waiting for an opportunity to take control of the city, but she had no proof. It would only be wild speculation at this point. Leila decided to talk to Aveline. She walked through the keep and though Leila had been noticed before, it was nothing compared to now. She had become a political pawn like the Viscount, Seamus, Elthina, Orsino, the Arishok and Meredith. She didn't like this attention, but she suffered it gladly to know that Anders was safe. She hadn't spoken or seen him for the past two months. Well, that was not strictly accurate. Leila was still delivering some supplies to Darktown herself, but had kept on a cloak with a hood to make sure she was not as easily recognized. Each time she had stood outside his clinic in the shadows and watched him. She felt like a stalker, but she couldn't help it. She would stand there for minutes watching him taking care of patients or writing. He had been reading and writing a lot lately, clearly researching something. She had asked Hawke about his welfare and he had told her that Anders had been melancholy, but fared well enough. Leila didn't quite believe it, as seeing him was almost like seeing a wolf. Sometimes a feral beast and other times like a lost puppy. She missed him and every time she went to bed at night, she imagined that it was him and not Seamus that lay beside her. When did her life become this complicated game of politics and lies? She walked into the guard's quarters and knocked on Aveline's door. When she was asked to enter, she opened the door. Aveline smiled as she saw her.

"Hello Leila. You must be the only noble you knocks on my door instead of just barging in." Aveline smiled.

"Well, I am a superior noble, so I will have to set the standard." Leila teased faking superiority and Aveline chuckled.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Aveline smiled.

"I would like to talk, if you have the time."

"For you, always. For seneschal Bran, preferably never. Sit down... Drink?"

"No thank you. I need to ask you, have you been having trouble with the templars lately? They seem to be present in the city more than in the Gallows." Leila asked carefully.

"You have noticed that to. They would like to have more direct involvement with the city guard. They are intercepting patrols, going through our reports and have even petitioned the Viscount to be stationed here at the keep as security instead of the guard." Aveline grumbled.

"I feared as much. If they continue like this Meredith might have the Viscount under her boot sooner than I feared." Leila said regretfully.

"Some would argue that he already is. It can't be easy though, being trapped in the middle of all this. How are you holding up?" Aveline asked with concern.

"I'm well enough. I miss Leandra... Hell, I miss the way things were four months ago, but I can't let myself wallow in self-pity. I'm better off than most." Leila replied, clearly ashamed of herself to be talking this way.

"I'm not sure I agree. All of this could turn out badly. I certainly don't envy you your position... I'm here whenever you need me." Aveline promised taking Leila by her shoulders.

"I know. Thank you." Leila smiled and stood up to give Aveline a hug. They heard someone clear their throat behind them and Leila turned to see Seamus in the door.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion Captain, but I require my wife's presence." He smiled.

"Of course. We can talk later." Aveline smiled.

Leila walked over to Seamus, who offered her his arm and she took it. He led her out of the guard's quarters.

"So any particular reason I was dragged of in the middle of my meeting with the Captain?" Leila teased.

"My father had a visit from a Qunari delegate today. I thought you might want to know how it went." He smiled.

"Yes of course." Leila replied with great interest.

"It was very hopeful and attentive. I think we might actually be able to solve this conflict peacefully. I think my father has finally realised that it is possible to reason with the Arishok." Seamus said hopefully.

"That's wonderful." Leila smiled brightly and Seamus leaned forward to kiss her cheek softly. This was when Leila saw Anders standing on the foot of the stairs, with Hawke and Varric. But all she noticed was him and the pain in his brown eyes. She felt her stomach tighten and it felt as if her lungs and heart was being crushed. She composed herself and greeted them warmly.

"Serah Hawke, you are at the keep often these days." Seamus said warmly.

"Well, it would seems that it is always "Hawke this, Hawke that". I'm starting to believe I'm considered a one man army." Hawke chuckled.

"Then I am sure the rumour is well deserved." Seamus smiled.

"How is Merrill?" Leila asked.

"She is fine. She misses you though. And I have become increasingly reckless since I don't have my cousin to keep me in line anymore. Won't you come dine with us soon? It will be like old times... almost." Hawke replied.

"He is not kidding, Sunshine. He is getting out of hand." Varric chuckled.

"I'd love to. How about next week?" Leila smiled brightly. She missed home.

"Perfect! Now we better get going. I have some business with Aveline." Hawke smiled and gave Leila a hug.

They walked past her and Anders didn't even look at her. She didn't know why she had expected him to. They hadn't been together for three months and she was married to another, but she still loved him. Had he really gotten over her so quickly?

Hawke stopped Anders by gently placing a hand on his arm as they left the keep. Varric stopped and looked at Anders as well. Anders had been unusually quiet after seeing Seamus and Leila. He had been so withdrawn since the wedding and he hardly ate or slept. The times Hawke had seen him, he was burrowed in books. Anders had always been a little on edge, but losing Leila seemed to have pushed him to the brink of insanity.

"Anders, are you alright?" Hawke asked carefully.

"Not really, no." He replied with an almost manic chuckle.

"Look Blondie... You will get over it soon enough. Just give it time." Varric tried to comfort.

"I love her. If you honestly think I can get over it, then you can't possibly imagine what love is." Anders replied bitterly and walked away. Varric and Hawke looked at each other and sighed in unison. There was absolutely nothing they could do for him. Hawke cursed his own stupidity. He should never have brought Anders to the keep.

-OOO-

Leila was finding it hard concentrating. Yesterday they had all been full of hope regarding the Qunari, but now the delegate had gone missing. She knew that the Viscount had enlisted Hawke to deal with the situation and she was sitting on needles to hear news of the situation. Who in their right mind would kidnap a Qunari delegate and risk the wrath of the Arishok? Perhaps that was just the point. No one in their right mind would, but unfortunately in Kirkwall the list of people fitting that description was overwhelming. She looked at Seamus who had been pacing in front of the fireplace for an hour now. He was just as on edge as she was. She stood up and walked over to him. He stopped pacing and looked down at her.

"I'm making it difficult for you to concentrate." He stated with a smile, though his tension was apparent.

"My thoughts were preventing that, not you. Garrett will find whoever did this. I'm sure of it." She tried to comfort.

"And then what? Zealots are pressing the Arishok's patience. If this is as bad as we fear, then I don't know how we will appease him. Why are people so intolerant and ignorant?!" He said in frustrated.

"Some people fear what they do not understand. I'm guessing that is why magic is feared as well." She replied with a sigh. Seamus expression softened and he stroked her cheek.  
"Then why are you and I not afraid?" He asked with a small smile.

"Because to us not knowing is exciting. We get curious and take great pleasure in having that curiosity sated. Fear and curiosity is what drives people the most, I think." She replied looking into his blue eyes. He lowered his lips to hers and at the last second hesitated, as if waiting for approval. When she did not move away he kissed her softly. They heard a knock on the door and one of the servants announced Hawke's arrival.

"Garrett!" Leila exclaimed happily and ran over to give him a hug.

"Hello cousin." Hawke chuckled.

"It's good to see you, Hawke, though I wish the circumstances were different." Seamus said seriously.

"No more so than I. Mind if we sit down. I have a favour to ask of you Leila." Hawke replied seriously and they sat down.

"What do you need me to do?" Leila asked.

"We found out who kidnapped the Qunari delegate. It was some of the city guard, but that is not the tricky part. Apparently they were paid by a templar with the Grand Cleric's seal." Hawke said with a little anger in his voice.

"Elthina is funding zealots? You must be joking." Leila said with disbelief.

"I agree. I am not fond of the chantry or their practices, but I doubt her Grace would do something like this." Seamus agreed.

"I don't think that either. I suspect a mother of doing it." Hawke replied and looked at Leila.

"Mother Patrice... that **bitch!**... sorry." She smiled at Seamus.

"Not at all, I quite agree." Seamus smiled.

"I told this to the Grand Cleric, but she refuses to intervene. I was hoping you might try and talk some sense into her. She respects you, where as I'm just a reckless noble with too much time on my hands." Hawke replied.

"I will try." Leila replied.

"Then let us hope you are able to convince her or this could get more out of hand than it already is." Seamus sighed taking her hand.

-OOO-

Leila **hated** the chantry. It was supposed to be a building of hope, but to her it was one of despair and misery. A place of quiet contemplation? Or a place where you could hide from the world? With Elthina these seemed to be one and the same. Elthina was not a bad person. Actually she was a very good person, but as caretaker of the Chnatry's affairs she was hopeless. Still, she was hardly unreasonable. At least the time of worrying about Sebastian was long gone now. She had a husband now. That still sounded strange to her. Never in her life would she have thought that she would have entered an arranged political marriage. She sighed heavily and pushed those gloomy thoughts aside. She walked up on the podium and was greeted by Elthina.

"Mistress Dumar. This is an unexpected pleasure. Is there anything I can do for you, child?" Elthina smiled.

"Your Grace. I come here on official business. I understand that your seal was misused in regards to a Qunari abduction. I am here to see how the viscount's office might assist, in the investigation of this betrayal of your trust." Leila replied very formally.

"Betrayal? Oh, my... you really have a sense for the dramatics." Elthina dismissed with a smile.

"Then you agreed to your seal being used in such a way?" Leila asked, knowing that Elthina would never have taken such an action.

"Are you accusing me?" Elthina asked wide eyed.

"Not at all. I find the idea ridiculous, which is why finding the perpetrator is so important." Leila smiled.

"As I already informed your cousin Hawke, I will step in when the time comes." Elthina sighed.

"You might not realise it your Grace, but the time is now. Your power has been misused and has made a tense situation escalate, just as it was about to be resolved. I asked you once to take responsibility and review those under your jurisdiction and now I am pleading you to do so." Leila replied with sincerity.

"It will not help the situation for me to get involved. Calm yourself, child. The situation will calm itself if the Maker wills it." Elthina replied.

"You are already involved and with all due respect, do you think the Maker appreciates you placing your responsibilities on him?" Leila replied. She knew she was pushing it, but she would do anything to make Elthina take action.

"That's enough... Be wary of your tongue. Behaviour like this will not earn you any favours." Elthina replied firmly.

"I am not trying to earn favours. I am trying to protect my people and this city... " Leila replied sternly and took a deep breath.

"Please your grace. I am begging you to at least make an investigation of your ranks. For the sake of the city and its people, please." Leila begged.

"Some would consider begging humiliating and a lack of pride." Elthina said with astonishment.

"What use do I have for pride, if it can spare innocent lives? And I never saw it as humiliating to try and protect someone." Leila replied.

"You are a rare young woman... Do not despair and have faith. Those who despair have turned their backs on the Maker." Elthina reasoned.

"Then perhaps despair was made him turn his back on us." Leila replied and turned to walk away. Before walking down the stairs she stopped and began to speak without turning around.

"If as much as one drop of blood is spilled over this, then it is on your hands. I hope you are spared that burden... for all our sakes." Leila said in a sad voice and walked away, before giving Elthina the opportunity to answer.

Her heart heavy was once again, as the conversation with her Grace had been fruitless. As she walked through the Chantry she received stares from members of the Chantry and nobles alike. They all looked baffled as they observed her with both horror and curiosity. When she had exited the Chantry she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Why is it that you and Hawke insist on causing trouble? The hate you inspire is very unfortunate." Fenris shook his head.

"It could be much worse. At least I was polite, Garrett wouldn't have been." Leila smiled and took two steps forward and hugged him. Fenris was not used to or enjoyed being touched, but having her this close was... intoxicating.

"I have missed you." She said in earnest as she pulled away.

"You have?" He asked with surprise.

"Yes... I have missed our conversations and your advice." She smiled.

"Astonishing since you never seem to heed it." He smirked.

"That's not true. I always listen and consider your advice. And I always have them in the back of my mind, when dealing with issues like the Qunari, elves and mages. They help me remain cautious." She said kindly.

"That will make you the first." He replied.

"As long as I am not the last." She smiled and he chuckled.

"I am wanted at the keep. I'll see you some other time, my friend." Leila sighed  
regretfully and gave him another hug before leaving. She was glad that she ran into him, she missed all of them. She had never felt this isolated and alone. She missed Anders above everyone else. He was the only one who truly knew her, who she dared tell things about her world. It was days like these, where she wished she had never come to Thedas. It was much easier being miserable in a world, where all you cared for had long since died.

-OOO- Two days later -OOO-

Seamus and Leila were having breakfast, but they didn't talk. They were far too worried and deep in their own thoughts. The Viscount had been called out of the house this morning by Hawke. They both knew it had to have something to do with the Qunari delegate. It knocked on the door and seneschal Bran came in the door looking more serious than usual.

"Bran, do you have news of my father?" Seamus asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. He asked me to relay the message to you that the Qunari delegate has been murdered." Bran sighed.

"Murdered? By whom?" Leila asked shocked.

"A group of zealots led by a templar, but you must excuse me. The Viscount will surely give you the details later." Bran excused himself and left the room.  
Seamus and Leila looked at each other, before Leila pushed herself away from the table and gave a cry of frustration.

"I bet mother Patrice was in on it!" She hissed.

"**That Vashedan bitch!** She really doesn't care who get caught in the crossfire of her little war!" Seamus growled.

"I told Elthina something like this would happen. Why will no one listen?" She replied in frustration and rested her hands against the fireplace. Seamus walked up behind her and rubbed her shoulders.

"You are beautiful when you are angry." He sighed repressing his rage and gave her a kiss on her neck. She gave a small smile, but it vanished again.

"What are we going to do?" She sighed.

"I have no idea, but we need to find a way to show the Arishok the respect required." He replied. Leila looked at the time.

"I'm sorry, but we will have to discuss this later. I have an appointment to keep." She sighed and turned to look at him.

"I understand. I will continue to see if I can find a solution. I will wait eagerly for your return... love." He replied stroking her cheek. He bend forward and kissed her. The kiss deepened and he pulled her against him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She then gently pulled away.

"I have to get going." She said softly and stroked his cheek before leaving the room.

-OOO-

Leila hated the Gallows and had made sure to come here as rarely as possible. Her heart ached at the sight of it and she felt true compassion for anyone imprisoned here. The templars could try and justify it in any way they liked, but this was a prison and most of the prisoners were wrongly imprisoned. Condemned for the crime of living and having magic in their veins. It was sickening and it made her feel sick to her stomach. She felt bad about leaving Seamus like that, but the truth was that Anders was still the only one in her heart. The only one it had embraced. When Seamus would kiss her, it would always be Anders who was the real recipient of her affection. It made her feel like she was Seamus unfaithful constantly. And in the rare moments, when she really was with Seamus, she felt that she was cheating on Anders. But as she walked through the Gallows and saw the tranquil and imprisoned mages, she knew in her heart that she had done the right thing. Anders, Hawke and Merrill, didn't deserve to be her. No matter what the Chantry said. Leila walked inside the Gallows and was greeted by a tranquil.

"I am Leila Dumar. I have an appointment."

"Yes, this way if you please." The tranquil replied in a monotone voice.


	43. Chapter 43 Effect

Effect

Anders was sitting in his clinic again. He tried to concentrate on his work, but he couldn't. His eyes kept wandering to his manifesto and Leila's words flooded his mind.  
_  
"You read it? What did you think?" He had smiled._

"It made the moral implications very clear."

"That's not evasive. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing is wrong with it, but it wasn't written to convince me. It was written to convince someone who believes in the Maker." She smiled kindly.

"You are quite good at sneaking your way around a subject, implying what you mean, but without actually making a statement." He grumbled.

"What I said was true. Just because it does not appeal to me it doesn't mean that it won't to someone else. And obviously I'm not that good at "sneaking" since I manage to offend you anyway. Sorry for that." She looked down and he gave a sigh.

"You shouldn't apologize. You just reminded me of the Grand Cleric, implying what they mean, but never taking an action or a stand. That's not your fault." He had replied bitterly.

"Just because I there are things that I don't say, it doesn't mean that I will not take action."

Maker, had he misjudged her. He had never realized just how radical actions she willing to take in order to protect those she loved or those who were oppressed. Still, it was from that very moment he had loved her. At the moment she reminded him of Elissa. They both wanted to right the wrongs in the world, but there methods were very different. Leila's position gave him hope for the mages... after he was gone. After he had done what must be done, the mages would still have an advocate in her. She would never approve of what he was doing. Of that he was absolutely sure, but he did know that she would understand why. Hawke on the other hand might even approve of it, but perfecting this would take years. Finding what he needed would take time and he would not do it until he was absolutely sure there was no other alternative. He tried to concentrate on his work again, but it was useless. He was too tired to concentrate. Every time he would close his eyes, he saw Seamus' lips softly caressing her cheek. His jealousy was overwhelming. His heart was still consumed by her and probably always would be. But he would make sure no other mage would ever have to suffer this. He heard someone coming into his clinic and saw Hawke, Fenris and Varric.

"Anders, I know you are not at your best right now, but I really need your help. The viscount has asked for my help again. It is very serious and I don't want to do this without a healer." Hawke almost pleaded.

"Alright, I'm coming." Anders replied and took his staff.

-OOO-

Leila had finally arrived back at the keep from the Gallows. On the journey back her mind had been full of confusion. At the harbour she had been tempted beyond belief to visit Anders in Darktown, but decided against it. All of this was painful enough as it was. There was no reason to torment him any further. As she entered the keep it was full of confusion. Obviously something had happened and as the nobles started gossiping as she passed them she feared the worst. She walked up the Viscount's office hoping that Seamus would shed some light on, what was going on. As she entered she was met by seneschal Bran who looked even more displeased than usual.

"Did you know about this?" He accused crossing his arms.

"About what?" She asked deeply confused.

"You are the only one he seems to trust. He must have made his intentions clear to you." Bran replied with stern disbelief.

"I am afraid I'm at a loss. What has happened?" Leila asked and her sincerity seemed to convince Bran, whose arms lowered and his expression changed instantly to... concern.

"I'm sorry my lady. Seamus left for the compound earlier. He intends to convert to the Qun." He explained.

"What? Why?" She asked with disbelief.

"Those are the questions we have been asking ourselves since this morning. Your cousin has been given the task of retrieving him. We have tried to keep it quiet, but Seamus did not hide his intensions upon leaving the keep. I suggest you retire to your private quarters and I will make sure you are informed of any progress." He replied, with true worry and compassion in his eyes. Both rare for this normally vain and self-centred man.

"Yes, thank you." Leila replied in a low voice.

She walked towards her and Seamus' private chambers. She couldn't believe it. She knew he was deeply fascinated by them, but this seemed sudden even for him. What was he hoping to prove? And would he expect her to convert as well? A shiver ran down her spine. Joining the Qun was definitely not to her liking. She walked into her room and on the table saw a letter addressed to her. She picked it up and sat down to open it. It was from Seamus.

_"My dearest Leila.  
I have been trying to find a way to show the Arishok the respect and honour he deserves, after this latest attack. As you know I have become quite familiar with the Qun and I believe I have found a solution. I intend to convert to the Qun. This will show the Arishok that there are those among us, who are willing to better ourselves and want to contribute to the world. By converting I will have shown him both honour and respect. With any luck this will appease him and be a new step towards closer relations.  
I regret that I did not tell you about this, but I could not risk that another incident would occur, before this action was taken. I hope you will understand.  
Yours affectionately, Seamus." _

Now it all made sense. It was a bold plan. Incredibly foolish, but bold. Leila already feared the repercussions of it. This would make quite the scandal and piss of a lot of people. Not that Seamus would care even in the slightest. But this had the potential to become ugly. Leila sighed. She did not need to have to deal with this as well today. She already had enough on her mind. She just had to hope that Garrett would convince him that this was a reckless decision. She sat at her desk and began to draw, as she did the only thing she could do... wait.

-OOO-

"I said this blighted place was the most rigid and bloody place in Kirkwall." Hawke grumbled.

This was absolutely horrible. Anders looked around the Chantry. Seamus was lying dead on the podium, killed by a mother of faith, as vengeance for him joining the Qun. And she had tried to put the blame of the deed on Hawke. Mother Patrice was now lying dead on the floor with an arrow in her heart and head. A "friendly" warning from the Qunari about what was about to happen. All around them lay the dead bodies of zealots and rogue templars. All this blood spilled in the name of the Maker. So pious. So willing to believe that any harm they did was the will of the Maker. Anders looked up at Seamus' body and felt sick to his stomach. This morning he had wished nothing more than for Seamus to disappear, so he could be with this man's wife. He had certainly gotten his wish, but he never wanted his death. Seamus had been a good person and this death was not worthy of him. Anders heart broke for Leila. She had made that sacrifice and now it was all for nothing. He also knew that Leila was very fond of Seamus. She always had been and he feared that she had come to love Seamus during these months. He didn't want her heart to break. He had always wanted to protect her, but that always seemed to be out of his hands.

"We'll better go get the Viscount and Leila." Hawke sighed.

They walked out the Chantry and towards the keep. Never had that walk seemed so long, but on some level Anders never wanted it to end. He didn't want to have to inform Leila that her husband and friend had been murdered. He would do anything to postpone inflicting her that pain forever, if he could. They did arrive at the keep however and now the ugly truths would be revealed. One of the guards opened the door.

"We need Viscount Dumar and Leila Dumar to come with us. It concerns Seamus." Hawke told the guard and a few minutes later the Viscount showed in the door followed by Leila.

"Did you find my son?" He asked his eyes full of hope.

"You will have to come with us your grace." Hawke replied with sorrow.

Both Dumar's and Leila's face paled. They followed them back to the chantry. Anders observed Leila the entire way. Maker, she was so beautiful and guilt instantly filled his mind. She had been made a widow a few hours ago and was not aware of it yet and still there he was, longing to embrace her like he used to. His lips were longing for hers, his body aching for her closeness and his tongue needing to let declarations of love to caress it. He was even more ashamed that he hoped. Because an innocent, righteous man had died, hope had returned to his existence. Was it wrong of him to hope that she still loved him, even as her husband's corpse was not yet cold? He felt disgusted with himself. He was a vulture already hovering over a dead man's wife. They entered the Chantry and were met by Elthina. She took both him and Leila aside and explained the situation. Leila gave a silent gasp, as her hand flew to her mouth and tears formed in her eyes. The Viscount turned pale.

"**No! Not my son!**" He cried and ran towards the podium with Leila right behind him.  
Hawke, Anders, Varric and Fenris approached the podium and found Dumar cradling his son with tears streaming down his face. Leila was running her fingers through Seamus' hair and tears flew freely from her eyes as well.

"My son... I have lost everything that mattered. He didn't deserve this." Dumar said in a low voice.

"No, he didn't. I'm so sorry your grace." Leila said in a low teary voice, as she kissed Seamus' forehead.

Anders' heart ached for Leila's pain. Every fibre of his being was encouraging him to kneel down beside her and hold her. But he couldn't. Very few people had known about their previous attachment and he didn't want to smear her name and reputation. It would also be disrespectful to her deceased husband, who had clearly loved her. It took every last piece of his willpower, but he managed to stay in put.

"You should not be a widow at such a young age... And I... My line has ended... Everything has ended." Dumar replied in a strangled voice. Leila looked at him and took his hand.

"It is not the end of your line, Excellency... This is of little comfort to you but... I'm with child. I'm sorry I could not have told you this under different circumstances." Leila said softly with tears down her face.

Anders' heart stopped, as he looked at her with disbelief. Then a cascade of emotions triggered inside him. Jealousy; another man had slept with her. Envy; she was pregnant with another man's child. Guilt for feeling jealous of a man that was not only her husband, but who was dead. Anger for letting her go. Hurt that she had moved on from him. Compassion for what the Viscount and Leila must be feeling. Worry, that the child would have to grow up without a father. Remorse; Leila didn't want a child of her own and now she had the task of raising it alone, in a world so different from her own. The mixed emotions sent so many surges through his body, that he was getting lightheaded. The confliction with in him was making him feel sick to his stomach and desperation ensued, as the only one who could comfort him was the centre of all this. He could not go to her. His hand went to the amulet she had given him. He could not give in to his own emotions right now. The Viscount looked at Leila.

"Are you certain?" He asked carefully.

"Yes." She said in a low voice as another tear fell.

"Did he know?" He then asked observing her carefully.

"No... I had only got it confirmed by a healer at the Gallows, when I came home to tell him earlier... I'm so sorry." She sobbed and kissed Seamus' forehead again and again.

"My son... Murdered in the heart of the Chantry by those who held a sacred trust... What hope for our us when we fail our own so completely?" Dumar said looking at Hawke, his voice full of despair and anger.

"This is not over your Excellency. The city **needs** a leader." Hawke replied looking at him seriously.

"It does. And I am no longer that person." He replied looking down at his dead son.

"Please, Hawke... Leave us." Dumar said in a broken voice and tears started falling at an even greater pace.

Hawke walked over and kissed Leila on the head before leaving the Chantry, with the other rights behind him. Anders had never felt so torn. She was in pain and he wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't... shouldn't. And still he felt himself unable to leave her. She was alone and only he knew the extend of her solitude. Only he truly understood how different everything was to her. No matter how long she would be in Thedas a part of her would always feel out of place. This was a feeling only he and Justice fully understood. He took a breath deep breath as they exited the Chantry.

"An end of sorts... But the Qunari, the Chantry and the Viscounts dead son will not simply fade from memory." Anders said regretfully.

"No one came out of that looking good. What now?" Varric agreed.

"The Arishok is the one to worry about. So we clean up and wait for trouble to find us." Hawke sighed.

"I'm going home gentlemen. Coming, Anders?" Hawke then said looking at his friend.

"I..." Anders began.

"It was not a request." Hawke replied with a knowing look and Anders declared defeat.

For once Hawke was right. If he didn't go with him, he would be prowling outside the Chantry like a mad animal waiting for Leila to come out. This was not the time, the place or the circumstances, for him to be jealous and concerned lover. If such a time would ever come again was unknown, but highly doubtful. She was pregnant with the now sole heir to Kirkwall's throne. So he followed Hawke home and into the mansion. They walked into the study and Hawke handed him a drink.

"The Maker really sucks at practical jokes." Hawke gave a regretful chuckle and sat down by the fire.

"At days like this I almost hope Leila is right and there is no Maker." Anders sighed sitting down as well.

"You and me both... I wonder if the job is vacant." Hawke smirked.

"You already have an ego the size of Ferelden, I don't think we need to ad God complex to the list." Anders grinned and Hawke chuckled in agreement.

"I'm starting to think we should just remove the Chantry... nothing good ever happens there. I tell you what. From now on I'm holding "sermons" at the Hanged Man. Less trouble and blood." Hawke smirked.

"And that would be different from now?" Anders chuckled.

"Fair enough, but the next time I'm invited to the Chantry I am just going to decline." He grinned, but his expression then turned serious.

"Are you alright?" Hawke asked with great concern.

"Me? Oh, I am just wonderful. Well, despite the fact the woman I love is pregnant with someone else's child and the father was just killed in the Chantry. Other than that I'm great." Anders replied sarcastically.

"I'm so sorry, Anders. Andraste's knickers, I have made such a mess of everything. I feel like I'm a whirlpool of bad decisions and trouble. Nothing ever turns out the way I intend." Hawke sighed.

"I know how you feel." Anders said solemnly. Hawke raised his glass.

"To the good mages in this city. Let us hope they are wiser than us." Hawke said and they toasted.

-OOO-

Leila didn't want to be in that Chantry. There were so many bad memories. The latest the memory of her dead husband, who was murdered in here a few days ago, but she needed to do this. Seamus had been a good person. An honourable person and he was dead, because he tried to resolve a situation. Being at the keep was difficult. Being in the rooms where he used to be. Leila had tried to console the Viscount, but she knew very well nothing could. She walked up onto the podium and was greeted by Elthina.

"My child... I am so sorry for your loss." Elthina said in earnest.

"Thank you, your Grace, but I would rather have my husband than your sympathy." Leila replied holding back the anger that was behind that statement.

"You blame me for his death... You may if that will bring you peace." Elthina said softly.

"I blame your actions, not you. By not forming opinions on those you extend your power to, an innocent and good man was killed here. You are a good and wise person and I like you very much, but I sometimes fear that your efforts to keep the peace are misguided." Leila replied and she got a curious, almost appalled look from Elthina.

"You wish for war?" Elthina asked wide eyed and with disbelief.

"No, but I fear the peace you are trying to keep doesn't exist. We cannot create something, when we are stuck with the illusion that it already exists. I hope you realise that, so other lives need not be taken. Your Grace." Leila bowed and began to walk away.

"You have so little faith, child. It is not healthy for you. Embrace the will of the Maker and you will realize you are not alone. After all he also gave you the child you are carrying." Elthina said in a sad comforting voice. Leila turned to look at her, as a tear fell.

"One day I will have to tell my child that Seamus was killed within the walls of this building, by a Mother of faith. Do you think that it will be easy for it to embrace the Chantry with such knowledge?" Leila replied seriously.

"We should not turn our backs to the Maker. You are wise and I am sure you will be able to explain it, in a way that will not sour the child's faith." Elthina smiled sadly.

"I mentioned the Chantry. I said nothing about the Maker." Leila replied and this time walked away quickly, before Elthina could get a chance to respond. They both knew the implications of what Leila had implied. It was a warning that the Chantry might not be as favoured in the future, as it was at present. Something she had to be careful about implying in the future in case another Mother Patrice should appear. That would bring both her and her unborn child in danger.

-OOO-

Leila walked through Lowtown towards the alienage with Ebony right behind her. Since the incident with the Carta, she walked nowhere without him. She knew that Merrill would still walk to her house in Lowtown every day to work on her mirror. Leila hoped she would still be there. She knocked on the door and Merrill opened.

"Lethellan!" Merrill exclaimed and gave her a big hug.

"Hello Merrill... I have missed you so much." Leila smiled.

"And I you. What are you doing here?" Merrill asked with surprise.

"There is something I need to tell you. May I come in?" Leila asked and Merrill nodded letting her in.

They sat down and Leila rubbed her face.

"I don't know where to begin... Merrill, what I am about to tell you must never leave this room. I don't want anyone to know." Leila said seriously.

"Of course." Merrill promised with surprise evident on her expression.

"The night I stayed here, after Hawke refused you the Dalish tool something happened. I awoke by hearing voices coming from your mirror and when I stood up to investigate it the glass was replaced with a pool of purple liquid." Leila began.

"Fascinating... what happened? Why didn't you tell me?" Merrill asked surprised.

"I was sucked into the mirror and I met Death. I didn't tell you, because of what happened next. I... I saw Anders die, Merrill. I saw him killed and he looked as he does now. I knew it wouldn't be long before that day would come." Leila replied with shame and pain in her voice as a tear fell from her eye. Merrill reached for her hand.

"Ma vehnan... I'm so sorry." Merrill said honestly and with sadness in her voice.

"I'm telling you this, because you might be the only one who understands. I made a deal with Death. I traded my soul so that it would live on for more lifetimes instead of becoming a... spirit." Leila continued.

"By the Creators! That's what spirits are? Our souls?" Merrill exclaimed with fascinations.

"I think so. As far as I figure each soul lives for several lifetimes until they are enlightened enough to become a spirit of virtue. Mine had nearly completed its journey, but I agreed to live several more lifetimes to save Anders life." Leila replied.

"I understand... Anders will be furious with you if he finds out... That's why you didn't tell anyone." Merrill replied as realisation dawned on her.

"Yes... Merrill I need a favour. I would like to stay here tonight with the mirror alone. I need to talk to Death." Leila said seriously and Merrill looked a little disappointed.

"I would like to see it, but if you want then of course you may. Just help yourself, I have to get home. Hawke is probably wondering where I am." Merrill smiled sadly and hugged Leila before leaving.

Leila walked into the next room and looked at the mirror. She then turned towards the bed and lie down. She had become so tired since she became pregnant. She closed her eyes for what only seemed like a minute and then it all happened over again. The voices sounded, but to her relieve this time Anders' voice was not among them. She walked over to the pool of purple liquid and was pulled in again.

"Back again, little soul. You are not supposed to come here." Death sighed.

"I know... why am I able to come here anyway? Merrill doesn't know how." Leila asked.

"Because, I allow it. The mirror is not yet complete. It will be years before it is completed." Death explained.

"Alright... Why Seamus? Why did he have to die? Did I do it? Was that the price for Anders' life?" Leila asked trying to control her emotions.

"Seamus took that path long before he met you. You could not have prevented it and it was too late to change it. He was not the price." Death replied resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Then what is the price?" She asked looking up at him pleadingly.

"The sacrifice is yours alone. You allowed your soul to continue its journey. The other sacrifice is life." Death replied and placed his hand on her stomach.

"You did not want this child, but it is your burden to take care of it. Creating life always comes with personal sacrifice, but this is the key to a path that will save him... Take care little soul and do not let our paths cross again." Death said kindly and then everything faded.

Leila awoke in Merrill's bed and looked around. These meetings with Death might as well have been dreams, but she knew that they were real. She placed her hand on her abdomen and felt tears stream down her face. This little life was intertwined with Anders' and both meant everything to her. The path ahead would be difficult and never had the stakes been higher.


	44. Chapter 44 Result

Result

Three days had pasted since Seamus' death and the entire city was tense. Just waiting for something to go horribly wrong without being sure what that would be. The Viscount had become secluded and refused to see anyone. Leila had tried to show her support, but nothing mattered. Even the prospect of a grandchild did nothing to lift his spirits. Hardly any wonder since this child was a reminder of what he had lost. Leila was overwhelmed. She now stood with the tremendous task of raising this child alone and she had to protect it on her own. This city was so dangerous and she had never felt so unprepared for anything in her life. Walking around in the keep people looking at her with sad eyes and kept condoling her loss. It was horrible. Even more so because she felt so ashamed that she had not loved Seamus. Newly a widow and Anders was the one she was longing for. Seamus had deserved better and she felt so unworthy of the affection he had showed towards her. She wished she could have returned it. She had to get away for a little while, so that she could figure all this out. Accept everything that had happened. She walked towards the Viscount's office. She was one of the few he was willing to see. She walked into his office and saw him sitting at his desk with a blank stare. He was so broken and she wished dearly she could do something for him. She felt horrible about the drawings she had done of him, that now seemed to have been drawn ages ago. She walked over next to him and lifted his hand to give it a small kiss.

"Leila..." He said with a small smile.

"Have you eaten anything today?" She asked concerned.

"I can't eat or sleep." He replied simply.

"I understand, but please try anyway." She said softly and he squeezed her hand.

"You're a good girl. One of the few in this city I can trust. Your family is the only one I can trust." He sighed unhappily.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" She asked softly.

"No... Why don't you go see Hawke and get away from all of this for a while? I wish I could." He sighed.

"Are you sure? If you need me I..." Leila began, but he stopped her.

"This is straining on you and your child. You need some rest. Go stay with your cousin for a few days." He smiled and Leila kissed him on the top of his head.

"If you need anything at all you know where I am." She smiled sadly and walked out of the room.

-OOO-

Hawke was as anxious as the rest of the city. The Arishok hadn't reacted yet, but he was bound to at some point. Hawke hated waiting. He had an impatient nature and he hated to wait for someone else to take action, before he could respond. Some had hoped the Arishok would do nothing, but that was a fool's notion. He had told Merrill not go to the alienage until this was over, which had resulted in him using a lot of time in bed recently. He turned over on his side and saw Merrill's naked back facing him. He gently stroked her back and felt the soft skin. Suddenly she started giggling.

"That tickles." She smiled and turned to face him.

"What tickles? Oh you mean this?" He replied with a grin and began tickling her. Then they heard a knock on the door.

"Master Hawke. Mistress Amell... I mean Dumar is here to see you." Bodahn called through the door.

"Be right there Bodahn." Hawke replied and got dressed.

Walking down stairs he saw a pale and tired looking Leila smiling up at him. By her side was Ebony greeting Ziggy happily. Merrill ran past him and gave her friend a hug.

"How are you? Is the baby alright? Oh have you thought of names yet? Du you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Merrill asked with excitement.

"I'm fine, the baby is fine, no and no." Leila smiled kindly, though Hawke wondered how she could manage it, when she looked so sick.

"Are you sure? You look awfully pale." Merrill said with concern.

"I'm just tired. Hey Garrett." She smiled and hugged him. Hearing that name brought him peace of a sort. Only she and Carver used it now. He pulled back and looked down at her.

"Things are out of hand in the keep, I take it." Hawke said with concern looking down at her.

"Yes... Is it alright if I stay here for a few days? With everything going on I would like to be home." Leila replied looking up at him.

"Of course you may stay. As long as you want. This will always be your home." Hawke smiled and Leila hugged him tightly.

"Thank you." She said barely over a whisper her voice thick with emotion.

"Come let us take you to your room. It is exactly as you left it." Hawke smiled and they walked up stairs.

Inside the room Leila took a deep breath. Hawke could see the relief on her face. It seemed like she had forgotten how to breathe. She ran her fingers over the fabric of the bed and Hawke could only imagine what she was thinking. Suddenly Ebony stared whining and Leila collapsed. Hawke caught her in the last second.

"Merrill! Go get Anders now!" Hawke called and lifted Leila onto the bed.

-OOO-

Anders was in the basement of Hawke's estate. The bedroom he had made for Anders was very comfortable and he was safer there than in the clinic. He was drawing again. Something he had learned in the circle to pass the time. Not many other options in solitary confinement. He had never actually shown Leila, since his mind had been preoccupied with so many other things. Sharing artistic interest had not been a priority. Since she had married Seamus, he had regretted it however. It seemed they had spent so little time actually enjoying each other. Learning to know each other beyond politics and sexual pleasures. Since then, when his mind needed a rest he would draw. He drew her. She didn't know it, but more than once he had snuck up to Hightown and climbed the walls and looked in her window. It was quite easy since the Chantry's height gave easy access to the roofs. So he had sat there in the evening watching her sit by her desk and he would draw her. He had eventually stopped, since Justice pointed out just how much this was wearing on his sanity. He had felt ashamed of himself. What kind of man spies on another man's wife late at night? How close was he to becoming like Quentin? He shuttered at the thought. But what could he do? She was the only light that had ever been in his life. He had learned to survive in the dark. His vision had adjusted to it. Then she came and turned on the light and an entire new existence opened up to him. Then she left, leaving him alone to fumble through the dark once again. It would take time to adjust to it. He was lying on his bed with Ser Purrcival cuddled up against him purring. Anders heard a familiar bark coming down the stairs. He had only just gotten off the bed when Ebony greeted him. He noticed the dog seemed a little on edge and Merrill appeared in the door.

"Anders, you have to come upstairs. Leila has fainted. We don't know what is wrong with her." Merrill said breathing heavily.

"Where is she?" Anders asked very worried.

"Upstairs in her room."

Anders ran up the stairs, hoping nothing serious had happened to her. He stopped running and walked into the room and saw lying on the bed and Hawke sitting next to her.

"Anders! Thank the Maker. She was standing there quietly and suddenly she passed out." Hawke explained and moved to give Anders room. He began examining her and he gave a small sigh of relief.

"It's nothing serious. It's just because of the pregnancy. She is probably having morning sickness as well. She will wake soon and she will need water and something to eat." Anders explained.

"What a relief! I'll make Orana bring up something. I'll have to answer some mail, but please tell me if something changes. I've heard from Fenyriel by the way. He is doing well in Tevinter. I've heard from Ella as well. She is safe and well." Hawke smiled, knowing that this would light up Anders' day up a little at least.

Anders smiled and Hawke left the room. Anders looked at Leila's sleeping form. Maker, how he had missed her. He took in the soft round features of her face, the pale skin and her light brown hair with the slight curl. He released it gently from the band and let his fingers run through the soft waves. He had done this, times beyond counting, but it never became a novelty. He had to struggle to keep his eyes from watering, as his heart ached. All he wanted to do was gathered her in his arms and kiss her like he used to. He picked up her hand to kiss it, but froze as he saw the wedding band on her finger. She was still bound by politics, more than ever before. He began examining her with his magic, making sure nothing was wrong with her or the child. He discovered that the child was healthy, but didn't dare do more than that. He didn't want to know any details. As long as she wasn't showing her pregnancy, he could pretend it never happened. At this moment he could pretend that they were never parted. He reached to stroke her cheek lovingly. Her eyes fluttered open and looked at Anders with a smile.

"Anders... what happened?" She asked softly.

"You passed out. You haven't been eating and drinking like you should, but you are fine." He corrected narrowing his eyes, but with a small smile.

"I know. I have been feeling sick and I have had others things on my mind." She said sadly.

"Of course... I'm sorry... How are you feeling?" He asked softly looking into her green sad eyes.

"I'm afraid... Everything is spinning out of control and with this baby... How I'm I supposed to protect it, when I can't even protect myself? After what happened with Seamus..." She said in a low voice sitting up as her eyes started tearing. He couldn't take it anymore. He pulled her into his arms and she embraced him, hiding her face in his feathered coat. He stroked her back and kissed her hair, while taking in the scent of apple blossom.

"I have missed you." She said in a low voice.

"I've missed you too... more than you can possibly know."He replied into her hair. She pulled away and looked at him.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I hope that one day you can forgive me." She said with a serious and almost pleading gaze that made his heart melt. He held her face between his hands and let his fingers tuck into her hair. He was moments away from claiming her lips and kiss her until she couldn't remember the name of any other man. He wanted to make love to her and wash away Seamus' touch, but there was a problem. His touch would soon become evident on her body and it made Anders' blood boil with jealousy. This raised a different question. What if she had fallen in love with Seamus? Had the love that they shared been so easily forgotten? But she promised to love him always and here she was in his arms telling him that she missed him. He would never resent the child, but what it represented was painful to him. All these questions were left unanswered, as Orana knocked on the door and came in with a tray with food for both of them. Hawke was strangely thoughtful at times. It was the quality that made up for his occasional stupidity. Anders took the tray and sat down on the bed.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked with a smile.

"Of course not. You know I value your company over anyone else's." She smiled and his heart skipped a beat.

"Leila... I don't know where to begin... the way I treated you, when you were trying to protect me. I..." He began, but Hawke came in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Isabella just asked for my help. Seems she has finally found that relic she lost. I could use my favourite healer." He grinned and Anders sighed.

"Duty calls." Anders smiled apologetic at Leila and got up.

At that very moment he wanted to twist Hawke's neck. But maybe it was for the best. She had only just lost her husband, had become a very notable figure and was pregnant with the heir to the throne. It had been risky being with an apostate before, but now it was unlikely to ever happen again.

-OOO-

When Hawke came home that evening he was furious, hurt, disappointed and the feeling of betrayal was nagging him. He shouldn't have been surprised really. She was a bloody pirate after all. He heard Merrill and Leila's voices coming from the dining room. It gave him comfort to have her home again. He was going to suggest to her that she moved home permanently. Without a husband there was no reason for her to stay at the keep and with a child on the way it was good to be near family. Uncle Hawke had a nice ring to it and would have made him smile, if he wasn't so enraged by Isabella's behaviour. He walked into the dining room and looked at the two women.

"Hawke!" Merrill smiled happily and went to give him a kiss.

"Is anything wrong?" She then asked looking at him with concern.

"Isabella's relic belonged to the Qunari. That is why they have been trapped in Kirkwall this whole time. Isabella needed it to save her own hide and now she has left the city with the damned thing." Hawke sighed.

"The Arishok is going to be furious." Leila said with concern.

"That he is. Leila, please don't leave the house at anytime over the next few days. This might get out of hand, but I'm to visit the Arishok tomorrow with Aveline and try to sort out this mess." Hawke replied with a concerned expression.

"I hate to be a pessimist, but this is going to end badly." Leila sighed heavily and Hawke nodded.

"Is Isabella coming back do you think?" Merrill asked with disappointment.

"I don't think so my love." Hawke said regretfully and pulled her close.

-OOO-

Leila was pacing back and forth at the estate. Hawke and Merrill had left the house an hour ago and went straight for the compound. She knew the Arishok had tremendous respect for Hawke, but if this was enough to calm these flames was uncertain. Seamus' death haunted her. If she only hadn't gone to the Gallows that day, she might have been able to talk him out of it. She felt so guilty over so many things and her mind was tiring. She heard ruckus coming from the street and went to the window. Her blood ran cold, when she saw the Qunari running around attacking and kidnapping the nobles. From what she could see they were taking them to the keep. She ran down stairs and looked at Bodahn.

"Bodahn.. Get Sandal and Orana to safety now..." Leila said seriously.

"What about you Mistress?" Bodahn asked with concern.

"I'm going through the cellars don't worry." She smiled and ran out the kitchen and through the hatch that let the cellar. Leila ran through the cellars. Her breath was rapid and the air felt like it was destroying the tissue in her lungs. Her heart was beating fast and she felt incredibly lightheaded. When she was almost at the end of the cellar she saw Anders running towards her.

"Thank the Maker you're safe!" He exclaimed and without a thought, he embraced her and kissed her passionately.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss eagerly. His lips were always both gentle and determined at once. She felt like crying and laughing at once, as a surge of happiness went through her. She could feel him pulling her closer into his body and she gave a small moan as he deepened the kiss further. She had never felt as loved or appreciated as when she was with him. Everything he did was done with passion and an overwhelming amount of emotion. In that way they were almost each other's opposite. Their relationship had always been like a symbiosis, giving each other what the other lacked or hid away. He brought the passion forth in her that she had always suppressed and she gave him the strength to control his emotions. There were so many things she wanted to say to him and she never wanted to leave his embrace, but this was neither the time nor the place. He must have thought the same, because he pulled away slowly and looked down at her.

"Darktown is flooded with people trying to escape the Qunari, but I was so afraid they'd got you. I had to know you were safe." He breathed the last part.

"It's terrible. They are gathering all the nobles and escorting them to the keep. If I hadn't been staying with Hawke and known to be watchful today, I would be right there with them." She replied biting her lower lip in worry.

"We should get out of here. There are probably a lot of people in the clinic." He said seriously and took her hand leading her out through the basement.

"I'll help you." She said softly and he smiled at her. He stopped and was about to kiss her again, but he hesitated only an inch from her lips.

"Is this alright?" He asked softly.

She smiled and as her answer she placed her hand behind his neck and crushed her lips to his. He chuckled and she could feel his hands on her waist. When they pulled away from each other and the look they shared was one of unspeakable, shameless happiness. Was it wrong to be this happy, because someone else's death had made it possible... when you had loved each other all along? They arrived in Darktown and walked straight towards his clinic. Anders had been right. Darktown was crowded, as was his clinic. Leila worried about Bodahn, Sandal and Orana, but Bodahn was resourceful, so she knew that he would make sure that they were safe. Not to mention her worry for Hawke. She was sure he had something to do with all this and had probably placed himself in the middle of it. Leila began helping Anders in the clinic and treated the minor injuries. It was as if they had never parted and despite the horrors going on outside and the amount of injuries, she felt happy.

-OOO-

Hours pasted, but finally the last patients began to leave the clinic. Leila was exhausted, giddy, terrified, worried and blissfully happy all at once. Why was it that whatever happened in her life lately was like an uncontrollable whirlpool of emotions, which contradicted each other and left her constantly confused? Only one emotion couldn't truly be countered or denied and that was the feeling of uncertainty that seemed to follow her everywhere she went. She sat down on one of the cots and looked at Anders who was attending to the (hopefully) last patient. The feeling on his lips pressed against hers still lingered, but they had so much to talk about. So many things that needed to be resolved. The only thing she was sure of was that she loved Anders. When the patient was healed and left the clinic Anders turned and looked at her with a smile. He seemed uncertain, which was unusual for him. He was about to speak when one of the refugee children came into the clinic.

"Healer! The attack has stopped and the Qunari are leaving the city." The boy smiled.

"Thank you, Thomas. Here you go." Anders smiled and tossed a piece of silver at the boy.

"I should be getting back to Hightown and see if Garrett and Merrill are alright." Leila said softly and stood up.

"Yes, I'll open the cellar door for you. I'm still squatting in his cellar." Anders replied with a small smile.

Anders locked up the clinic and they walked towards the cellar. They walked inside and for a little while there was silence between them, as they walked though the cellar. At one point the silence became unbearable for Anders and he firmly took her wrist and made Leila look at him. His brown eyes looked down at her, studying her as if he was making a decision. His eyes were full of love, but also hurt and worry.

"Leila, I can't take this anymore. Being a part from you... I love you and I need to know if you still have any feelings for me." He said his voice filled with emotion. She smiled and stroked his cheek.

"I never stopped loving you." She said softly.

He smiled brightly as he gave a sigh of relief, before he put his hand behind her neck and kissed her heatedly. When he broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers and had a smile on his face.

"Don't ever do that again. I don't care how much trouble I'm in, you are not marrying anyone else to keep me safe." He said seriously, but with a softened expression.

"I promise." She smiled and kissed him softly. She then sighed.

"What is the matter?" He asked looking down into her sad eyes.

"I just can't help feel a little guilty, that our happiness is on the expense of Seamus' death." She sighed and her eyes became slightly watery. He held his hands on her shoulders and began stroking her.

"We didn't kill him. We didn't want him to die. He was your friend and I know you..." He swallowed his jealousy. "... cared for him. His death never had anything to do with us." He said in a comforting voice and she smiled sadly.

"I love you, but I think we might want to take this slowly... The last thing I want is for people to think I cheated on my husband. Seamus was a good man and his name doesn't deserve to be smeared like that. Not to mention the conspiracy theories Meredith could come up with." Leila said seriously looking up at him.

"An apostate and a noble who has been a thorn in her eye... She will think we orchestrated the entire thing." He said with bitter amusement.

"Probably. Let's go. I want to make sure Hawke is well." She replied before giving him another kiss and walking up the stairs.

When they reached the estate she was greeted by Hawke, who embrace her and lifted her of the ground. He was covered in blood, but she knew he had been worried about her and she didn't want to push him away. He was her only family. He held her still, her feet of the ground and gave a sigh of relief.

"I feared the worst, when we couldn't find you. Bodahn told me you fled through the cellars... Thank you Anders." Hawke smiled as he put her down.

"There is nothing to thank me for." Anders smiled.

Merrill then came into the kitchen followed by Aveline, Varric, Fenris and Sebastian, who all greeted her warmly. Leila studied them and all of them had blood spatter on them and a few scrapes. Anders began getting some water to clean the wounds and got ready to heal them.

"What happened? You look awful..." Leila said with concern.

"Well, Sunshine you are now looking at the new Champion of Kirkwall." Varric smiled and Hawke puffed up his chest with a grin. Leila smiled, but seeing Aveline's serious expression her smile faded.

"What happened, Aveline?" Leila asked and all their faces turned grim.

"The Qunari gathered all the nobles they could find at the keep. They killed the Viscount in front of everyone to inspire fear." Aveline replied and Leila had to sit down, looking completely shocked.

"Isabella returned with the Qunari relic, but the Arishok demanded that Isabella came with him to Par Vollen. Hawke wouldn't turn her over and had to duel the Arishok. Meredith declared him champion of Kirkwall." Varric explained.

"Congratulation Garrett... The Viscount didn't deserve that death, but I don't think it was necessarily unwelcome." Leila sighed and Hawke handed out glasses with whisky to everyone. He raised his glass.

"To the Dumars. May they have found peace." Hawke toasted and they all drank to them.


	45. Chapter 45 True Leaders

True leaders

After Anders had healed them, they now all sat gathered around the table in the dining room. Except for Isabella who had left for the Hanged Man directly after the Qunari attack ended. Despite Hawke trying to be civil, he and Isabella were not on the best of terms with each other. Varric took his time explaining everything that had happened, in his usual dramatic story telling ways. The more Leila heard the more nervous did she become. When they were done explaining Leila made a sigh.

"This is horrible. What will we do now? The city needs a leader." Leila sighed.

"Normally the Viscount is chosen among its nobles." Aveline replied.

"Yes, Dumar was appointed by Meredith... but I have seen her try took take control little by little. If she appoints anyone it will be someone she can control." Leila said with concern.

"That's just what we need; A crazed Knight-commander with ambitions of becoming Viscountess." Hawke said sarcastically.

"There is another option." Sebastian replied leaning forward in his chair.

"Such as?" Aveline asked.

"There is someone who has a legal right to throne and even Meredith can't get passed that." Sebastian smiled looking at Leila.

"That's actually not a bad idea." Varric said with consideration.

"Oh no... I am done with this!" Leila said with determination.

"What are you talking about?" Merrill asked.

"Because Leila is Seamus' widow, she has legal right to claim Kirkwall's throne. She could become Viscountess." Hawke grinned.

"Oh! That would be good, you could do all sorts of things. Plant flowers in Lowtown and the Alienage!" Merrill smiled.

"That's well enough, but I have no interest in the throne." Leila said seriously.

"Leila this could work. Meredith is already trying to walk all over the guard and the city needs a leader who is not easily intimidated by her. You have a good sense of justice and you have always been interested in doing what was best for the city, instead of simply pleasing those with power." Aveline replied.

"Need I remind you that I have not even lived here for two years? I don't know the first thing about being a leader." Leila replied.

"I watched my parents in Stark Haven. When times are good the city rules is self, but when there is fathom, when there is war the people look to their leaders. If you become Vicountess you are not only capable, but you would be loved." Sebastian smiled.

"They are right. Think about what Meredith as already done. You could make an actual difference. You could fight to implement all the things you wanted to change." Anders smiled hopefully and Leila shook her head.

"What makes you all so sure that I am right for this?" Leila sighed looking at them.

"Sunshine, you have been here for a short time and already half the city is in love with you. You have changed fortune for many people already. Imagine what you could accomplish in the Viscount's seat." Varric replied.

"You are strong, Leila. You have a strong will and are capable of making people respect you without sorting to violence. Only very few have such strengths." Fenris continue. Leila got up and turned her back to them leaning against the window cell.

"Did you know that the last Viscount, who opposed anything the templars or Chantry said ended up being prosecuted, imprisoned and later poisoned... By Elthina and Meredith." Leila asked looking at them seriously. She met Anders' and Aveline's eyes and it was clear that they knew. Anders even looked concerned for a moment, but the look he gave her told her, that he would never let that happen.

"Perrin was a tyrant and Elthina had nothing to do with him dying. Surely you do not intend to go against the Divine or the Chantry?" Sebastian objected a little worried.

Leila groaned on the inside. His emotions or believes in any direction left his judgement clouded. He was unable to see reason, which is why he still hoped he could make her an Andrastian. His faith in the Grand Cleric and the Chantry was even stronger. He would never recognize their mistakes. He might support Leila now, but what would happen the day where she would go against something the Chantry wanted?

"No, but if I do this, I will not bow to anyone simply because of what order or religion they belong to. This will not be easy and I can't even defend myself." Leila argued.

"Cleaning up someone else's mess is never easy, but you have the guard behind you if you pursue this." Aveline comforted.

"And you won't be alone. As the Champion I will be by your side to support you." Hawke declared proudly.

Anders stood up and walked over next to her and looked down at her.

"You can do this. I have faith in you. We all do." He said seriously and comforting. It was strange how he with words alone could make her feel loved and protected. He wasn't even using any endearment and he still made her feel that way. She looked up at him with equal seriousness. She turned around and looked at them.

"You really want me to pursue this?" She asked and they all agreed. She released a breath and closed her eyes, before looking up at them again.

"Tell me what to do." She gave a crocked smile, honestly concerned about what she was getting herself into.

-OOO-

It had been a week since the Qunari attack and today two things were happening. The funeral of Viscount and Seamus Dumar, followed by a Landsmeet in the Viscount's keep to determine the new leadership of Kirkwall. Leila felt sick to her stomach. She never wanted power and she certainly didn't want to be caught in the same trap that Dumar and Perrin had been. It had been different as Seamus' wife. He would have been the official leader and she would just help out on the sideline. She was nervous, because she did not grow up in this world and it was all still foreign to her in a way. She was now grateful, that she had taken all those lessons and gone through the effort to study this world. She had trouble enough with the baby on the way and now her friends wanted her to take responsibility for the entire city. She would like to change things for the better, but she never wanted to rule. I the end they had convinced her, because she could see the damage that Meredith could potentially cause. Even Fenris was not fond of Meredith and their points of views were somewhat similar. Leila guessed that Fenris thought she could make a difference for the elves and she dearly wanted too. They all had so much faith in her and she was terrified that she would fail like Dumar had or even worse become another Perrin. A good person, who had tried to change things for the better and was then slighted by the Chantry, to come out the villain. She tried to calm herself. She wouldn't be doing this alone, since she would have both Aveline and Hawke by her side. But she was still terrified. This was not set in stone however, since Meredith could still try and prevent it. Leila had no doubt that she would fight with tooth and nail, to prevent Leila from gaining that seat. Leila couldn't shake the feeling that she wouldn't come to this position rightfully. She was in her bedroom at the Amell estate getting ready for the funeral and Landsmeet. She looked at herself in the mirror wearing a black dress with quarter sleeves. It had a golden belt around her waist that reached down to the floor and the neckline and sleeves had been embrodied with a golden thread. She looked to her stomach and sighed. It wouldn't be long until she started showing and a tiny bump had already formed.

She heard a knock on the door and saw Anders coming into the room. They hadn't spoken in private since the Qunari attack and they were taking it really slowly. Not that either of them wanted too, but under the circumstances it was necessary. She was also uncertain about him and her child. She never wanted a biological child. Not that she didn't look forward to it and didn't love it, but things were changing so fast for her. She was uncertain what role Anders could and wanted to play in its life. If she was elected Vicountess they would also have to be careful to begin with. She was tired of being careful and having to hide that they loved each other. She wished they could just disappear and live somewhere secluded. Until now they had only spent time together, when they were all trying to prepare Leila for the upcoming Landsmeet. It was ridiculous that they couldn't be together just because he was a mage. Just like it was frowned upon that Merrill and Hawke were together, because she was an elf. He walked over to her and kissed her softly.

"I have wanted to do that all week." He breathed with a smile.

"Only that? I'm disappointed." She teased.

"Oh, there are many things I want to do to you, but for now this will have to do." He smirked in a low voice and kissed her softly again.

"Can't we climb out the window and run away?" She asked half jokingly.

"You have no idea how tempting that is, love... But we can't leave people at Meredith's mercy." He replied seriously and hugged her.

"I know..." She sighed and leaned into him, resting her cheek against his chest.

"Are you ready?" He asked as he pulled away.

"No, but I will have to be." She sighed heavily, before chuckling, as nervousness filled her.

-OOO-

The funeral had been difficult for Leila, as she was fond of both the Viscount and Seamus, but now something even more challenging was underway; The Kirkwal Ladsmeet. They were in the Viscount's throne room. It was difficult to comprehend that only a week ago the Viscount had been murdered here. It seemed that everyone had shown up; The nobles, respected members of the Merchants Guild, Knight-commander Meredith, First enchanter Orsino, Grand Cleric Elthina and of course Hawke and his companions. Leila looked at them carefully. These would be the people she would be playing with from now on and she already felt sick to her stomach. No wonder Sebastian had difficulty deciding whether to retake Stark Haven or not. Meredith had of cause placed herself as the leader of the meeting and Leila already regretted this. She had only had one encounter with the woman, but they both knew each other could be a force to be reckoned with. Meredith began speaking.

"After the Qunari attack it has become evident, that Marlow Dumar was not fit to his position as Viscount. It is in my interest to do what is best for the city and protect it at all costs. We were fortunate enough to have a Champion in Garrett Hawke, but we must prevent another incident like this occurring. Therefore I will govern the city until such a time, where a Viscount worthy of the position can be found." Meredith stated calmly.

"You can't do that! It is not your duty to rule the city! That is the role of the nobles, knight-commander!" Orsino said heatedly, apparently just as worried about this change of events. The nobles were outraged and began protesting.

"That is enough! This is a perfect example of the city's needs for stable leadership and has been lacking it for some time."´ Meredith snapped.

"Knight-commander, I do believe there is still someone who has the right to claim the position by legal means." Sebastian said loudly.

"That is preposterous! The Dumar line ended with the unfortunate deaths of Viscount and Seamus Dumar." Meredith dismissed.

"That is not strictly accurate Knight-commander." Hawke interjected.

"And who do you imagine to make this claim?" Meredith asked with superiority.

"I make the claim." Leila said loudly and with determination, Meredith's current conduct convincing her that this was for the best. The nobles turned to Leila, looking almost hopeful.

"You? You have no claim by blood." Meredith scoffed.

"She is the widow of the former heir to the throne and she is carrying the heir by blood to the throne. This was confirmed in the Gallows two weeks ago, before Seamus Dumar's death." Orsino said loudly almost with a smile on his face.

"She was barely married to him for two months." Meredith scoffed again.

"I have a claim by marriage, I am of age and I have been educated for the task. Seneschal Bran can vouch for this." Leila replied and Bran stepped forward.

"She has indeed received instructions and Viscount Dumar has wanted her as a coregent for over a year. She is fully capable of fulfilling the task with some guidance from myself and Guard-Captain Aveline Vallen." Bran replied. He had nothing to gain from Meredith getting control. He had the most power as a seneschal under the viscount, whoever that might be.

"That might be so, but I still find it curious that you were not present during the Qunari attack. Where were you exactly Lady Amell?" Meredith asked, feeling that she had the upper hand.

"Lady **Dumar**, was in Darktown helping the people of this city and I have several witnesses to this fact. She has the support of the commoners and even the elves have taking a liking to her. I should find the last part particularly important, considering how many was willing to convert to the Qun." Hawke said loudly.

"She has the ability to bring stability to the alienage and gain their trust." Fenris continued.

"She has also taken several initiatives to improve this city and improved conditions for the poor and the refugees." Anders replied.

"Refugees and elves have no rights in this room. She needs another kind of support for this position." Meredith spat.

"The fact remains Knight-commander; these groups have proven dangerous to the city if we ignore their needs. The city guard supports Leila Dumar's claim to the Viscount's seat." Aveline replied.

"Leila Dumar has my support as Champion." Hawke said with a smile looking at Leila and almost every noble there pledged their support as well.

"She also has the support of the Merchants Guild." Varric said loudly and the other members agreed. Leila wondered what he had done to achieve that and how many rounds of whisky and stories it was going to cost her.

"As you can see Knight-commander, I have the support of the city as well as the legal rights." Leila said calmly.

"You are not fit for this position and I will not appoint a viscount until a see proof that someone is!" Meredith spat.

"That's enough Meredith." Elthina said standing forward and Leila looked at her with surprise.

"She has every right to pursue this position and you cannot change that. The city needs a leader and I believe she has the wisdom to fulfil the task." Elthina replied looking at Leila with a small smile and Leila wondered what had inspired this loyalty. Sebastian smiled brightly.

"Very well, your Grace. Until the time where the child is of age you are acting Viscountess Leila Amell." Meredith replied surprisingly calmly.

"Didn't she use the wrong name?" Merrill asked Leila in a low voice.

"She is doing this on purpose. By making me acting Viscount and not acknowledging my married name, she is making it clear to everyone that my position is only temporary." Leila explained in a hushed voice.

"It was a threat. Meredith wants to make sure Leila knows she is not obtaining this position with the support of the templars." Anders replied in a low voice.

"How little she knows." Hawke chuckled gleefully.

"The coronation will take place in two weeks. The meeting is dismissed." Meredith said loudly and soon everyone was gathered around Leila congratulating her.

Leila knew that this was only the beginning and Meredith would be working against her every step of the way. She felt as if she had just signed her own death warrant and all she could do was hope that her friends would remain loyal to her. If Meredith was right and she was in over her head, this had the potential of becoming disastrous. The first to approach her was First Enchanter Orsino, who had an almost happy expression on his face. Leila had been introduced to him briefly during her wedding, but from what she knew of him he seemed kind and friendly.

"There are those who will disagree, but I believe you are just what the city needs. And don't look so troubled. You will do well. I am sure of it." He smiled.

"Thank you First Enchanter. That's very kind of you to say." Leila replied with a soft smile.

"I have been reading your proposals. They are very intriguing. I would like to have the opportunity to discuss them with you, once you have settled into your new duties." Orsino replied.

"And so we shall, First Enchanter." Leila smiled and Orsino bowed before leaving.

She was then approached by Meredith and Leila smiled sweetly. She was going to be civil, polite and diplomatic. It was important, that even as she was opposing Meredith, not to give her any ammunition against her.

"Viscountess Amell it will be soon then. I hope you are capable of the position and take it seriously." Meredith began.

"I always took it very seriously, Knight-commander and I will fulfil my duties to the best of my abilities. And in the best interest of the city and its citizens." Leila smiled. Meredith merely nodded and walked away.

"And so the catfight begins." Hawke grinned and Leila gave him a knowing look, as she took a heavy breath.

Elthina walked over to her with a kind smile.

"Your Grace." Leila said politely and Elthina took her hand in both of hers.

"I am so sorry for your loss. I know you and Seamus had great hopes for improving Kirkwall for its citizens. He will be glad that you are resuming that task." Elthina smiled a little sadly.

"I just hope I can do it. Doing it without him is going to be... difficult." Leila said ruefully.

"I know, but change never came without a sacrifice. Even Andraste suffered." Elthina said trying to comfort.

"Yes... I was surprised that you would support me. I was not very civil last we spoke." Leila said a little apologetic.

"You were grieving. Unfortunately even in your grief you saw what I could not. Perhaps you will break the illusions and replace them with realities that are far better." Elthina smiled and Leila could hardly believe what she was hearing. Elthina chuckled.

"You are surprised, child. None of us are without our faults, but it often takes someone else to guide us to the realisation that they are there. I have been leading for so long, I might have overlooked when someone tried to do the same for me. Maker bless you, child." Elthina said fondly and kissed Leila's cheek.

Despite herself Leila had to smile a little at this. She felt someone behind her and she knew it had to be Anders.

"Why is it that every time you talk to that woman, I want to kiss you senseless?" He said in low voice that only she could hear.

She knew exactly what expression he would be wearing and truthfully she wanted nothing more, than to turn and kiss him. Instead Leila didn't reply, but walked towards seneschal Bran without responding. She turned slightly knowing that Anders would see her subtle smile, without giving away her feelings. Discreetly her hand went to her necklace and she played with the pendant. A secret message saying "I love you".

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-_

_From now on the story is going to take a slightly different turn and the story will become more AU. Certain events from the original story will still take place though. Let me know what you think and thank you so much for your support. Cowoline._


	46. Chapter 46 Status

Status

It was a month since Seamus had died, three weeks since the Qunari attack and today was the coronation day for Leila Amell. Meredith had made it very clear that Leila was not to use her married name. A subtle message telling everyone that Meredith did not choose her for this task and she was not considered the rightful heir by the templars. The agreement was also that she would only remain in power until her child would become of age... or die. The last part gave her the shivers. She had long suspected that Meredith had Perrin assassinated and there was no doubt in Leila's mind, that Meredith could become desperate enough to do something horrible. But Leila had a plan. She would be living at the Amell estate and the keep would only be her office. That way she was sure, that she was always with someone she could truly trust and Hawke had almost insisted on it. This would also make her able, to continue her relationship with Anders. A relationship that was still moving slowly forward. Truth was that she had been too preoccupied with everything going on and they had still not really talked... or even spent any time together. There were still so many things left unsaid between them, especially regarding her unborn child. It was the elephant in the room that neither of them had dared to glance at, in fear that it would shatter this glasshouse they seemed to be living in. She wanted things to go back to the way that they were before, but she knew that wasn't possible. This was no longer just an apostate and a noble. It was the Vicountess and her apostate lover. The good thing about it, if they could make their relationship work, was that she would feel safe at night. She would know that if he accepted the child, that it would be safe as well. In addition to these precautions Aveline had insisted that there should always be guard patrols around her estate. Leila also had something else in mind for protection, but she still needed to sort it out. And Anders was not going to be happy about it.

She was in the keep getting ready for her coronation. She still had no idea if this was the right thing to do, but she had a feeling that this was connected to saving Anders. This was what she had asked Death to do. Had she not married Seamus, then Kirkwall would by at the mercy of its templars and power hungry Knight-commander. Who could possibly imagine what that would have done to Anders' sanity?

-OOO-

Anders had just arrived at the keep with the others. He wondered why he always got involved with powerful people, when in reality he wanted to go unnoticed. First Elissa, the Queen of Ferelden, then Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall and now he was having a secret love affair with a woman, that within the hour, would be Vicountess of Kirkwall. Fate was truly playing with him or just had a desperate need to put him in situations he was uncomfortable with. Justice's emotions were confused. On one hand he feared that all of this would get out of hand and drag them further away from their true purpose. On the other he knew that Leila fought for equality for all, even mages. He knew she was a valuable ally and the truth was that the spirit had come to love her. Just as Anders did, though he would not admit it as openly as Anders. Hopefully their plan would not be necessary, because he would hate to put Leila in a difficult position.

Anders looked down at himself. Hawke had bought him a new outfit. A more formal one. It looked like his normal ones but black and with soft feathers, instead of the worn and ruffled ones. They all stood ready in the throne room and Anders had only felt this out of place ones. That was when he had been invited to a formal event at the palace in Denerim, where Elissa had insisted that he showed up and made a good case for mages. Justice had been invited too, but had declined since his body was deteriorating. Elissa had been fond of both of them. She had even looked into finding an empty golem in the hopes that it would make a suitable body for Justice. Though Justice appreciated the sentiment, he really didn't like the thought of being made of stone. It seemed so... impersonal and artificial. Anders was drawn from his thoughts as the door opened and through the door came the new Viscountess. Leila was breathtaking and looked every bit as a Viscountess should. She was wearing a long deep red silk dress with gold embroidery all over it. Her neck and shoulders were left exposed and it had long sleeves that reached the floor. The sleeves were made of the same red fabric down to her elbows and the rest was made of a golden fabric. Anders' breath caught in his throat, as he saw the corset that enhanced her bosom. He noticed that the corset was not as tight around her waist as it use to, as she was protecting her child. Her hair was curled and strings of golden pearls were woven into it. Her lips were dark red and a mixture of golden and black make up around her green eyes, made them magnifying. She looked like a goddess and a queen. Placed on a pedestal were no one could touch her. She looked beautiful, kind and strong all at once. All eyes were on her, as she gracefully walked pasted them. She walked up the stairs and approached Elthina, who was standing on top of the stairs ready to crown her. An imaged flashed through Anders' mind of him sitting in a throne matching hers. They were sitting next to each other as royalty. He had to chuckle at the absurd image. For one, he never wanted power and he certainly didn't want that. For another, the thought of an apostate outside of Tevinter having power was even more absurd. Yet those were the rights he had been fighting for, for so long; Equality. Even if that situation should occur, he would be nothing more than an ornament. She would be the one with the power. He was reminded of a conversation he had overheard between her and Fenris once.

_"Power corrupts as they say and mages have more than enough." Fenris had stated as if it was a law of nature._

"I think you are wrong." Leila said politely.

"Am I now?" Fenris had responded with a demeaning smirk.

"Power doesn't corrupt, it just magnifies the person we were to begin with. If we were a person prone to sloth, lust and overly self-indulgence, then that is what our power will reflect. If we are prone to being generous, resourceful and considerate then that is what it will be magnified. Garrett got power and wealth, but that didn't corrupt him. He used it to do what he had always done. Taking care of his family." Leila argued.

"You didn't see what Danarius did with his power." Fenris spat.

"Do you honestly believe that he would have been a pleasant guy if he didn't have magic? Men like that will always find a way to do terrible things. No magic required and you know this as well as I, my friend." Leila said softly.

He had come to believe that Leila was right. After all he used his powers for good. Justice did become dangerous at times, but his magic never was the reason for this. So what kind of ruler would Leila be? It would magnify her kindness, her generosity, her compassion and her desire for equality. Anders believed that Sebastian was right. As a ruler she would be loved.

He looked up and saw Leila kneeling before Elthina who did the ritual. A smaller crown had been made for her. It looked like Dumars only smaller and golden. Leila rose up and turned around looking down at them. With that crown she was complete. A true ruler. Anders had to laugh at the inside, thinking of Varric's description of them long ago. The hopelessly romantic apostate and the Princess from a far away world. They all kneeled before their new ruler for a few seconds, before getting up again. Leila was to make her first speech as a ruler. Anders knew she was nervous, but she showed none of it.

"It is with great humility and honour that I take the position as Viscountess. You have entrusted me not only with a title, but with your future, hopes and dreams. I do not take this task lightly and I promise that I will fulfil that role to the best of my abilities.  
I sincerely mourn the death of my husband, Seamus Dumar and my father -in-law Viscount Dumar. I will try and live up to their memory by representing what was best in them. Seamus' passion and interest in the welfare of all and Viscount's Dumars desire for peace.

These years had been filled with worry and tension. They road ahead will not be any easier, but with your help and support we will be able to get through it safely. If we find a common goal and work towards it, we will be able to create a city, which we will be proud of leaving to the future generations. Peace, prosperity and welfare are within our reach, if we find the strength to reach for it together.

A true leader is not one that forces the hands of others, but one that takes those hands and guides them. I will do my outmost to guide you as you deserve. Again I thank you for the trust you have shown in me. May the Maker watch over us all." Leila ended with a small smile.

Anders had to smile as she praised a god she did not believe in, but he knew she did it to give the people hope. The nobles applauded and Isabella made a whistle, but Sebastian hushed her. Leila walked down from her throne and they all kneeled for her again. Their new leader had already set a path in motion that would bring a change not all would approve of.

-OOO-

The coronation banquette; Anders groaned on the inside looking at all the nobles. Considering how much he hated these things, he surely attended them often enough. Not what you would expect from an apostate living in the sewers. He looked at Leila and this night he could even stare at her without anyone finding it suspicious. All eyes were on her and no wonder. In that red dress she looked absolutely beautiful and the way she carried herself matched that. He had never seen her look so confident, but he knew it was just an act. He was probably the only one in the room that did. Leila didn't like being the centre of attention, had never desired power and was more at ease among the refugees than the nobles. But walking among them she made it seem as if she belonged. Anders wondered how you could be so good at something, that you had such distaste for. Leila played the political game well and could probably match even the nobles of Orlais. Anders watched her as she walked around talking to her guests. She looked like a true queen, gracious, beautiful, confident, intelligent, compassionate and powerful. The last part surprised him. Without any threats or harshly spoken word, she managed to show she had a strong will and was not to be trifled with, but manage to maintain her temperance. She was not feared, but she was respected. Anders knew that Meredith saw this too and he feared and relished it at the same time. He walked over to Leila and made a humble bow, having to bite his lip not to chuckle as he did so. He looked into Leila's eyes as she was trying equally hard not to laugh. She closed her eyes briefly and thought of something else to control her amusement. He knew how her mind worked by now.

"Your Excellency. Would you do me the honour of the next dance?" He asked ever so politely with a smirk on his lips.

"I will... If you will excuse me." She replied looking at the nobles before taking his hand.

He led her to the dance floor and placed his hand on her waist, as he began to elegantly twirl her around the room.

"I thought you might need a break from the nobles." He smiled.

"Yes! Thank you. I feel like have been wearing a mask all night and I probably will for a long time to come." She breathed with relief and a hint of regret.

"I know, but remember I can see behind that mask." He smiled trying to comfort.

"And what do you see behind it?" She smiled with a hint of doubt.

"Someone who is stubborn, hot-headed and infuriatingly practical." He smirked.

"Hot headed? With your temper perhaps you want to rethink that one." She smiled while faking offense.

"I might have a temper, but at least I am honest about it. You walk around being all sweetness and reasonable and then suddenly you show your teeth. You catch people completely off guard. That's foul play you know." He grinned.

She was about to reply, when one of the nobles caught in and to his regret Anders had to let go of her. He felt his heart overwhelm with jealousy. She had already once married someone for practical reasons and though she had promised not to do so again, his heart was filled with worry.

Towards the end of the evening Leila managed to talk to her friends. In particular she wanted to speak with Fenris. She asked him to speak with her privately and led him to the Viscount's office, which was now her office. She handed him a glass of red wine, not pouring one for herself as she was pregnant.

"What is this about Leila?" He asked sitting down and she rested against the desk.  
"I have a proposition for you, but I don't want you to feel that you are pressured to accept it." She began and he leaned forward in his chair observing her.

"What is your proposition?" He asked.

"Let us be honest. I am going to be a pain in the ass to far more people, than I would like in this position. With the way Seamus and Dumar were killed I don't want to take any chances. Especially not since it could mean risking my child. That's why I want to surround myself with people I can trust. I want to offer you a job as my body guard." She replied looking at him seriously.

"I don't need employment. Aveline has tried to make me train the guards, but I refused." Fenris replied leaning back in his chair.

"I know, but I am not asking you to train anyone. I need a bodyguard and advisor I can trust."

"Advisor? You want me to give you advice?" He asked lifting an eyebrow.

"Yes, on a daily basis. I value you insight and I trust you." She smiled.

"This is surprising. We don't agree on many things. Are you sure about this?" He asked doubtfully.

"It is partly because we don't agree that I would like to have your counsel. I want to make sure that I see things from different perspectives and don't get caught up in my own way of thinking... Look you don't have to do this, but I would be grateful to you if you would take the offer." She said seriously.

"I accept, but if Danarius shows up I am going after him." Fenris said with determination.

"When Danarius shows up you will have any resources to hunt him down... Thank you." Leila smiled.

-OOO-

Anders was exhausted to say the least and he could tell that Leila felt the same. Still he couldn't help himself. After an entire night of watching her, he needed to be close to her. They had agreed to take it slow, but he could not take this distance from her anymore. When they arrived at the Amell estate he followed her upstairs to her bedroom. How he longed for when he could once again call it "their bedroom". Leila smiled knowingly as she saw him following her, but she didn't object. She walked into the room and to the mirror where she removed her crown and started to release her hair, removing the strings of pearls woven into it. Anders closed the door and locked it, before walking up behind her. He pushed her lose hair to one side and began kissing her neck. He rejoiced, as she gave a contented sigh and her shoulders relaxed. He let his tongue caress her neck and could feel her pulse speed up. His hands found her waist and slowly caressed her stomach. He felt the small bump, but it didn't matter when he had a chance to be with her. Unfortunately it did to her and she pulled away. She looked at him seriously.

"Before we take this any further, we need to talk." She said seriously and he could see her becoming nervous.

"Alright... what do you want to talk about?" He asked and she gestured for him to sit down on the bed. She turned towards him and took a deep breath.

"I want to talk to you about Seamus and I." She said softly and Anders cringed.

"I really don't want to hear it, love... It was painful enough, while it was going on... I don't want to be reminded about him and you." He said seriously. He met her eyes and had trouble reading her.

"But I need you to hear it. Seamus loved me, but I never loved him as I should. It pains me to say it, because he did deserve a wife that loved him. But there was only you. I don't love easily and I didn't want to let go of what I feel for you. Our rela..." She tried to explain, but he interrupted her.

"No, I don't want to hear anymore... The thought of him touching you... I can't breathe... It might be wrong to be jealous, since he is dead, but I can't help it." His voice croaked, unable to look at her as his heart wrenched.

Why was she telling him this? A part of him felt that she had betrayed him and he was trying to forgive her it. Try to make his heart understand that she did it for him and not to him. It was comforting to know that she never loved Seamus, as she did him, but the facts still remained. She had married him, shared his bed and was carrying his child. All the things that Anders wished for, Seamus had taken from him. Despite the noble intensions it hurt and it would for a long time to come.

"Anders... I never slept with Seamus." She said softly and he looked up in an instant. He could see her trembling and his heart stopped for a moment.

"Then who?" He asked looking at her stomach briefly.

"You are the only one I have been with, in the past four years." She replied looking at him hesitantly.

Anders felt like the world had just stopped. She had never slept with Seamus, because she had been in love with him. And she was pregnant with his child, not Seamus'. Anders got up and took a few quick steps towards her and kissed her hungrily. She had always been his. She had always been faithful to their love. As he kissed her passionately, he undid the laces on the back of her dress quickly and pushed her dress off her unto the floor. She gave a noise of surprise and looked at him with confusion as he pulled away. He fell to his knees and began kissing her abdomen and stomach softly and lovingly, as his hands held her hips. He could almost hear her smiling, as she ran her fingers through his hair while he did this. He pulled away and looked up at her. She was so beautiful and he felt happier than he had in a long time. He couldn't believe that he was going to be a father. The chances of a warden conceiving were so small, but here was his little miracle growing inside of her. And there was no doubt in his mind that she was telling the truth.

"Thank you." He said lovingly as he looked up at her. She smiled at first, but then her expression turned serious.

"If people find out that the child is yours..." She began.

"Then everything will fall apart... Why did you tell people that Seamus was the father?" He asked as he got to his feet.

"I only told the Viscount, because I was afraid he was going to kill himself. I thought it would keep him from doing anything dire. I never told anyone else and neither did Dumar. Seneschal Bran was informed by the Circle that I was pregnant, as he is apparently to be informed of such things. People just assumed and I couldn't go around saying, that the healer from Darktown was the real father." She replied and Anders sighed with understanding.

"No, you couldn't... It's probably better this way. Our child will be protected and hopefully, if it's a mage, your title will keep it out of the Gallows. And if it doesn't, I'm going to make sure our child doesn't." He said with determination.

"I love you. I will try to make it so things will be different. I promise." She vowed.

"I never doubted you would and I love you too. More than anything... Come." He smiled and took her hand leading her to the bed.

He removed her skirt and underwear and made her lie on the bed. He removed his coat, tunic and boots, leaving him just in his shirt and trousers. He sat down on the bed next to her and let his hands roam over her abdomen. Healing began to emanate from his hands and she shivered slightly from the cool sensation. He smiled as he sensed the life inside her. He lowered his lips to her stomach and kissed it.

"Father is going to protect you no matter what, little one." He vowed with a smile and placed another kiss.

"Is everything as it should be?" Leila asked with a smile.

"She is perfectly healthy." He smiled up at her.

"She? It's a girl?" Leila asked with a bright smile.

"Yes, and I'm sure she will be just as beautiful as her mother." He smiled. He laughed as she gave a squeak of happiness.

"We are having a girl!" She said excitedly and embraced him.

He couldn't help but chuckle as he embraced her, before pulling away slightly and kissed her deeply. Anders gently explored her lips and she parted her lips. He had almost forgotten the taste of her. At one point, he had felt as if he was unable to be happy without being able to taste her. And as far as he knew, he had been right. He pushed her back onto the bed and continued to kiss her. Her fingers ran through his hair and released it from the leather band. His lips moved from her lips to her cheeks, down her jaw line and further down her neck. He nibbled at her collarbone and kissed his way down between the swell of her breasts. She was gasping and humming with pleasure, as he did this and his heart pumped faster. He let a little cold emanate from his hands and ran them over her body, giving her goose bumps. The sensation of the cold being replaced with his hot mouth on her sensitive skin, made her moan his name. He sucked and teased both nibbles, before kissing his way down her stomach. He smiled as he once again reached her swollen abdomen and kissed it lovingly. He loved her so much and the feelings he already had for this little life, were beyond anything he had imagined. He could feel her tense a little as his lips travelled lower. She was always shy about this and he found it endearing. She had considerable less experience than him, but was only shy about him doing things to her and never the other way around. Anders believed it to be in her nature to be more accustomed to giving than receiving, in any context. He kissed the inside of her thigh, before moving closer to her centre. She was trembling slightly from both anticipation and shyness. It made his blood sing, that he had this effect on her. His lips and tongue began exploring her heated core. The sounds of pleasures coming from her were like a hymn that he never wanted to end. They were sacred and she only made them for him. He cherished them and replayed them in his mind, when he was on the brink of despair. The sounds were not only of desire, but of devotion and love. It was times like these that kept him sane. They reminded him that despite the force of vengeance hidden inside him, he was able of bringing forth something beautiful and feelings of euphoria. He let his fingers aid his task and send a small electrical current into her. She grabbed the covers, arched her back and moaned his name in ecstasy.

He looked up at her and smiled with adoration, as he took in the sight of her. Her cheeks flushed, her hair tousled, her lips ruby red, her pupils dilated and a shy smile on her face. He sat up and pulled of his shirt. She sat up and helped him remove his trousers before he claimed her lips again, pressing her down onto the bed. Her hands roamed his chest and back, as she kissed his neck. He moaned as he entered her, relishing in the feeling of her. Making love to her was his absolution and salvation. For all the wrongs he had done loving her was what saved him. As he moved inside her he moved a hand to her abdomen and caressed it. Somehow knowing that the child was theirs, made him feel completely connected to her.

"I love you." He moaned looking into her adoring eyes.

"I love you too." She smiled before arching her back, as he hit the spot he knew would make her lose herself.

Again and again he hit the sensitive spot bringing her closer to her rapture. She whimpered his name against his ear, as her nails sunk into his flesh. Her end brought about his eruption and he collapsed on top of her, still holding his hand on her swollen abdomen. He rolled gently of her and lay on his side watching her. She pulled the covers over them and lay on her side facing him. She smiled and looked blissfully happy. She was glowing and knowing that he was the one, who made her, made his heart feel as if it was growing. He placed his hand on her stomach again and caressed it. He couldn't help it and honestly he didn't want to.

"How did I ever get this lucky?" He asked with a smile.

"We are the lucky ones." Leila smiled and placed her hand on the one he had on her stomach. He smiled and pulled her close for a kiss. He had lost her once and he would never allow anyone to take her from him again.


	47. Chapter 47 Defiance

Defiance

Three months and Leila was just beginning to understand her duties. She didn't mind paperwork, but some of this was ridiculous. It seemed that every minor dispute between the nobles ended up on her desk. She had also gotten some about Hawke and his elven mistress. Apparently it damaged the reputation of Hightown. Leila had dismissed this and informed the nobles that she had no business interfering with people's personal life. This was of course the same treatment she gave other such complaints, trying to prevent people from thinking she gave Hawke special treatment. She doubted that she would succeed, but at least there wouldn't be any documentation that she did this.

Now that she had finally begun to get these matters into a routine, she started looking into the improvements she wanted to make to the city. One of the most important ones was helping the Alienage. If the Qunari troubles had proven anything it was that the elves were feeling lost, overlooked, shunned and desperate. Leila would have to agree that they had every right to feel this way, but she wanted to help change it. This was a task that required a lot of diplomatic delicacy. The elves needed to feel that they were given something and not just have it pulled down over their heads by some pompous noble. Therefore Leila wanted to make a delegation to look into improvements to living conditions of the elven population. The delegates were chosen among the elves themselves and by the other elves. This was her first step towards a more democratic ruling system. The elves had been suspicious at first, but seeing as her right hand was an elf, namely Fenris, and the champion was living with Merrill, it had made them more open to her suggestions. It would take time to organise this election, but it was underway. The nobles were shocked by this, but in light of what happened with the Qunari and Dumar's years of inaction, they accepted this decision.

Leila was also in the process of making a new council. One that would represent all parts of the community; Lowtown, Hightown, the Alienage, the Merchants Guild and the farmsteads. This council would inform her about what was happening in each part of the city and its surrounding villages. Two people from each territory were to be on the council. When Meredith had heard of this initiative, she had demanded that the templars were part of this council as well. Leila had informed Meredith that **one** templar and **one** circle mage was allowed on the council. She had also told the Knight-commander that since it was **her**council, she would choose who was on it. It had been done ever so politely and seemed a reasonable compromise and Meredith had reluctantly agreed. Leila had appointed Ser Thrask to be the templars representatives and Alain to be the mages. She would rather not have the templars involved, but though she stood up to Meredith, she did not want to antagonize her. With these two tasks she was afraid she was giving seneschal Bran a heart attack. He always counselled for caution and she agreed, but it would not prevent her from making improvements.

Anders had been less than thrilled, when Leila had told him that Fenris was her advisor and body guard. Anders feared that it would lower her disputation and interest in helping the mages. She had gently reminded him that since her daughter could be a mage and the father of her child was an apostate, he had nothing to fear. She knew this affected her judgement and she couldn't possibly be bias, which was why she felt that she needed Fenris' council. It didn't mean that she would take it, but it would force her to consider it. As for the relationship between her and Anders, it was getting happier with each passing day. Anders was really looking forward to be a father, but she knew that it pained him that he could not official call himself that. It also bothered them both that they would have to be so careful. It was not straining their relationship, but it did bring some melancholy into it.

Leila was sitting in her office and she was exhausted. Being six months pregnant and a new Viscountess was proving to be a challenging combination. Anders had determined that she had conceived just before Seamus had proposed to her. This of course had started the rumours that Seamus only married her, because he had made her pregnant. A rumour she did nothing to encourage or discourage. Rather that than have Meredith know the truth. Legally Leila had a claim to the Viscount seat, whether the child was Seamus' or not, since she was married to him, but it was the child that had made Meredith back down. Leila feared what she would do, if she found out. She saw Fenris coming through the door and one look told her that something was up.

"The Knight-commander demands an audience." He informed her in a low voice standing beside her.

"I am sure she does." Leila sighed.

Demand was exactly the right word, since Leila was in no position to refuse. The two women seemed to have created a power play, which Leila was highly uncomfortable with. Meredith walked into the room her cold eyes surveying the room. She seemed calm enough at present, but Leila had come to always see her as a ticking bomb. Meredith was not a bad person really, but something had scared her for life and made her take drastic actions whenever possible. Meredith was sincere in doing what she thought would be best for the people of Kirkwall, but left no room in trusting people to decide for themselves. Sometimes it seemed that she thought everyone incompetent and juvenile. No doubt that was the same opinion the commander had of Leila.

"Knight-commander, I wasn't expecting you today. Has an incident occurred?" Leila asked politely with a smile.

"There are always incidents your Excellency, but they are well in hand." Meredith replied.

"I'm glad to hear it. Then what can I help you with?" Leila asked kindly, if Anders saw how she treated the Knight-commander at this moment he would be pulling out his hair. Neither he nor Justice had a talent for faking emotions or friendship with the opposition. Not even as a means to an end.

"If I may speak with you in private?" Meredith said looking at Fenris, who had his arms crossed.

"This **is**private. Fenris is my advisor and right hand. He is involved with all my official business and I assure you he can be trusted. Unless this is personal matter of course, in which case I really don't have time for it at present." Leila replied politely, but firmly and Meredith nodded in agreement.

"Very well. It has to do with the request to have some of the circle mages join the city guard. I thought we had already talked about this, before your marriage to Dumar." Meredith said calmly.

"We did, but the matter is still relevant. Several guards died in the Qunari attack and we need new recruits. Adding healers and elementalists to the guard will reduce the number of casualties and injuries." Leila explained.

"The mages needs to be constantly watched and as I recall you did not wish my templars to aid the City guard." Meredith said sternly.

"In other countries mages have been allowed to leave the circle for a short period of time, to aid the country... Without supervision of the templars. As for your order aiding the guard; You are already heavily burdened and it seems that your resources are strained enough as it is." Leila replied coldly.

"I will not risk the people of this city, because of mistakes made in other countries. Your request has been refused." Meredith replied sternly, but Leila just smiled.

"So it has. As always I hear your warning Knight-commander and I accept your refusal... for now. Now if you will excuse me, since you did not have an appointment I will unfortunately have to cut this conversation short. Good day." Leila smile and gestured to the door.

"Good day, your Excellency." Meredith huffed and walked out the door. Fenris walked up next to Leila.

"It might not be wise to antagonize the tiger." Fenris warned.

"I am just marking my territory. She will walk all over me if I let her and that will not do this city any favours. Just look what happened to Dumar." Leila replied sadly remembering Seamus and Dumar.

"True. Look I don't care a fig for her. But she's the only one holding back the madness in this city." He replied seriously.

"You truly believe so?" Leila asked looking at him.

"You doubt it?" He asked watching her carefully.

"Have you ever considered that she might be adding to it? If the city is stabile, she will lose influence and power. On the other hand if the citizens are terrified of the mages, they will look to her and she will be more powerful than ever. I am afraid that this goes far beyond doing what is in the best interest of the city. It is lust for power and that seems to be a more common trait among the order." Leila sighed and Fenris looked at her.

"Let us hope that you are not corrupted by power then." He said seriously.

"Indeed... Let us hope it magnifies my good qualities and that I can keep the bad ones under control." She agreed with a sigh.

-OOO-

Leila was completely depraved of energy, when she finally returned home. All she wanted was to take a hot bath and go to bed. Unfortunately the house was anything but quiet. Aveline and Donnic was to be married at the estate in a few days and the preparations had already started. Leila released a breath and placed her hand on her belly. Bodahn only managed to make a short greeting as he was carrying decorations out into the courtyard. She went to the table to go over the mail and fortunately most of it was for Hawke.

"Your home." She heard Anders say and looked up the stairs. She instantly relaxed and smiled brightly at him. He walked down and kissed her softly and placed a hand on her stomach.

"How are my girls doing today?" He asked lovingly.

"Tired..." She breathed and he kissed her forehead.

"Come, I have a surprise for you." He smiled and took her hand leading her upstairs.

She looked at him and gave him a suspicious smile, but followed him. This was definitely a first. Anders was a devoted and attentive lover, but for him to surprise her was unusual. After what happened with Ella in the Gallows, he had given up on the mage cause. Instead he had devoted his time to researching Tevinter rituals and demonic possession. This worried her a little, as it seemed he had lost his way. She should be happy that he was not putting himself in danger, but it just wasn't like him. But even though he might have given up on the mage cause she hadn't. On the positive side this had given him more time with her and she treasured every moment of it. She looked up at him as they walked towards the bedroom and he had a smirk on his face. He was clearly very happy with himself and she was bursting to find out what he had planned. He pulled her in front of him and covered her eyes with one hand. She giggled as he guided her through the door. They then stopped and Anders removed his hand and Leila gasped. At the end of their bed stood a white crib, with bars on the sides and the ends with solid wood. Both ends had been painted with small butterflies and inside the crib was Anders' pillow.

"Oh, Anders... it's beautiful." She smiled and turned to kiss him before examining it closely.

"I'm glad you like it." He smiled brightly.

"Where did you get it from?" She asked letting her hands caress the wood.

"Remember the refugee who carved the necklace for you? Well, thanks to your charity organisation he has been able to open a small shop making furniture. He made it for me, but I painted it myself." He smiled, as his heart was swelling at seeing how happy she was.

"It's beautifully done, love. I have a feeling you are going to spoil our daughter." She chuckled and gave him a kiss.

"At every opportunity I get. Now, get undressed. I'm not done spoiling you yet," He smiled and she gave him a doubtful look at a crocked grin, suggesting that he intended something sexual.

"Nothing like that." He chuckled and kissed her.

He then went into the bathing chamber and heated the water in the tub. He then filled some herbs and flowers into it giving it a lovely scent. Leila stood naked in the doorway and smiled sweetly at him. His breath caught in his throat as he looked at her. The ambiance from the fire and candles reflected on her skin and for some reason the growing belly made her even more beautiful. The proof that she was his and in some way would always be bound to him. He beckoned her to come closer and helped her into the bath tub. He took a chair and sat behind her massaging her shoulders. She sighed with pleasure and leaned her head against his chest.

"What did I do to deserve this?" She asked with a smile and closed eyes.

"Well, today it is a year since I kissed you for the first time... among other things." He smiled sheepishly.

"You remember the date?" She asked with a smile.

"Yes, it also helps that I keep a journal." He replied and kissed the top of her head.

"I still don't get that. I could never be bothered with keeping a journal." She smiled looking up at him.

"That's because you are lazy, my love." He teased and received a mock glare from her, that made him chuckle.

"You seem tense. Did something happen today?" He asked softly.

"Nothing to worry about. I just had a visit from Meredith. She still won't authorise mages to aid the guards or the city in any way. The Gallows is the only thing she can control without my interference, so she likes shoving it in my face I think." Leila sighed.

"She is mad. She tries to control everyone and everything. One day this impasse will end." He replied with venom in his voice.

"I know... I am actually planning a trip to Orlias." She replied biting her lower lip in thought.

"Orlais? Why would you want to go to Orlais?" He asked looking down at her. She sat up in the tub and turned towards him.

"Remember we met a Lelianna at Prospers hunt? She is the right hand of the Divine. Since things are tensing up here, it won't be long before the Divine is going to take an interest. Especially after Alrik's suggestion. I have been in contact with Leilianna and I want to see what the Divine is like. I need to know if I am at some point forced to take actions against the templars." She explained and Anders nodded with understanding.

"Just wait until after she is born. I don't want you to exert yourself." He requested softly.

"Alright, if it pleases you." She smiled and kissed him.

-OOO-

Today was Aveline and Donnic's wedding. It was to be a small private wedding in the courtyard of the Hawke estate. Anders stood at the balcony and looked down over the courtyard. He kept twirling the ring he had gotten from Leandra over half a year ago. He wished that he could propose to Leila and truly proof to her that he was committed to her, but it seemed so impossible. Leandra and Malcolm had a chance because they were not as notable, but Anders was very well known by the templars and Leila was the Vicountess. They couldn't simply get married under the cover of darkness without anyone finding out. Just like Hawke and Merrill getting married would be almost impossible. It was not unheard of for an elf and human to marry, but it was extremely rare, especially among the nobles. He sighed as he looked at the ring, before putting it in his pocket. He smiled to himself, when he heard Leila sigh with frustration. She really was adorable like that. She was having trouble fitting her clothes and it seemed that every other week she needed new ones. He shook his head as he saw her looking at herself in the mirror, her expression filled with self doubt because of her looks. He walked over behind her and kissed her neck.

"You look beautiful." He smiled and kissed her again.

"You would think that. This is your doing you know. "Wardens rarely have children" my ass." She grumbled with a smile, looking at him in the mirror.

"Sure, just blame the mage like the rest of the world." He faked offense.

"I wasn't blaming a mage, I was blaming a man." She stated coldly, but had trouble hiding her smile.

"Alright, fair enough, but really it is your fault. If you weren't so lovely, I would be able to keep my hands off you. But as it is I am completely helpless to your charms." He chuckled and kissed her cheek.

"Way to go, pushing away all responsibility. By the way I heard that the Queen and King of Ferelden just had a child. A son." She smiled and turned to face him.

"Really? That's wonderful. No one deserves it more... We better go down, the ceremony will start soon." He smiled and kissed her softly.

Aveline looked beautiful. She was wearing a white and light green dress with a square neckline and three quarter sleeves. Her hair was up and had a light long veil. Sebastian had been given permission to perform the ceremony. Anders and Leila kept a distance to each other, seen as not all of the guests should know of their relationship. This charade was inconvenient and irritating to both of them, but this was how it would have to remain for some time. Leila had tried to find a solution, but at present she just couldn't come up with one.

Later that evening Anders was dancing with Leila, but neither of them noticed that they were being watched carefully by Sebastian. His eyes judging and analyzing the relationship between them. He had been in love with her for a long time. First he just wanted to save her and make her a part of the Andrastian religion, but her compassion and diplomacy had made his feelings for her blossom. He had been heartbroken when she had begun her relationship with Anders and even more so when she married Seamus. Now he was looking for any signs that the relationship between her and Anders would be rekindled. He needed to work fast and he thought he knew how to do it. He walked up to Leila and asked to take Anders' place as her dance partner. The glare he received from Anders was unmistakeable, but she was infinitely harder to read. Where Anders' emotions were always clearly evident, hers seemed to be concealed. Still there were times, when she looked at Sebastian, he allowed himself to believe it was more than friendship. He had to make her see that he was better for her than Anders. Sebastian did not care that the child was not his and he could provide it with a better future. Leila was reasonable, so he was sure he could make her see the benefits. All he had to do was getting rid of Anders... one way or another. Dancing with her and talking to her, he knew in his heart that this was where he belonged. Even Andraste had a husband and served the Maker, so why should he not take a wife?


	48. Chapter 48 What is rightfully mine

What is rightfully mine

A week had pasted since Aveline's wedding and her and Donnic had now gone to Orlais. Leila had been granted her audience with the Divine, but in six months time since she had promised Anders to wait until the baby was born. This wasn't a pressing matter, yet. Besides it was not like she didn't have enough to do in Kirkwall, so it wouldn't be an opportune moment to leave in regards to that either. She sighed to herself, pregnancy and newly appointed leader was a bad combination. She was going through what seemed an endless amount of petitions, when it knocked on the door. She asked them to enter and saw Sebastian standing in the doorway with a smile.

"Sebastian, what brings you here today?" Leila smiled.

"Your Excellency." He smiled and bowed.

"Oh, please none of that. Come in and sit down." She said sweetly and Sebastian stepped inside.

"I am here on official business, so I am sorry to burden your further." He smiled apologetic.

"Not at all. Lay it on me."

"I wish to petition you to aid me retake Stark Haven." He explained and Leila looked up at him with surprise.

"So you have decided this is the path you want to take? Are you sure?" Leila asked carefully knowing that he was not the most stabile person, when it came to that particular predicament.

"I am. I was confused for a while, but Goran Vale, my cousin, is doing a poor attempt to rule the city. Lady Harimann put him there to because he would be easily controlled." Sebastian explained.

"And now that he is not controlled, he is lost and incapable of making any decisions or actions at all." She replied with understanding.

"Exactly. Can I count on your support?" He asked studying her carefully.

"Of course, but I am not sure with how many resources. We are still weak from the Qunari attack, but I will try and enlist the templars and mages from the Gallows. Perhaps, that will satisfy Meredith's bloodlust for a while at least. And then there is the army, but I can't spare any of the guard. What other allies do you have?" She asked considering the implications.

"According to Lady Flora, Lord Harimanns daughter, the other nobles in Stark Haven won't heed my cousin. So I suspect little resistance from him. My hope is that if I show up with enough resources he will be forced to surrender. I do not wish to spill more blood than necessary." He explained.

"Neither of us wants that. If you are serious about this I will begin to make a list of the militia and possible Gallows resources aiding you. There is another formality. If I am to send my people into war, a treaty between our Cities must be made. For know I will make sure to block our trading relations until you have your throne back." Leila explained seriously.

"Of course. If you make the treaty I will gladly sign it. This will be in the best interest of both our cities." He smiled and before leaving the room.

Leila let out a breath as he left. War was serious, but she had looked into this before Sebastian had even brought it up. She was not sure he was going to do this, but she wanted to know what ramifications it would have. She knew from Thrask, that many of the Stark Haven mages and templars wished to return to their own city. No doubt because they had a growing distaste for Meredith. She was also aware that Goran Vael was in trouble, mainly because the nobles did not support him. She was more lucky in her position. She had been supported by the nobility to take her position and Dumar's lack of action had made her desire for action seem like a welcome change to them. It of course also helped that a great number of the nobility also realised the Knight-commander's desire for power. Not to mention all those who had lost their children to the circle. Bran had advised her, that retaking Stark Haven with enough resources would only result in a very low number of casualties. It would also keep Meredith of her back for a while, as she had been hounding her for not involving the templars more. Still Leila was not comfortable with sending people to war and possible death. That was why the treaty was so important, even if it was Sebastian. There had to be a serious gain for her to be able to justify this to herself and to her people.

Fenris came from another room.

"It took a while, but it seems that he is finally resolved with his decision." Fenris said leaning in the doorway.

"Were you spying on a private conversation?" Leila teased.

"Not intentionally." He smirked. Leila took a deep breath and then gave a curious expression. She took another deep breath through her nose.

"When was Isabella here?" She asked looking at Fenris, who momentarily shifted uncomfortably. Leila smirked and walked closer to him.

"Tell me Fenris, since when did you start using the same perfume as Isabella?" She asked with a grin and Fenris groaned. Leila laughed heartedly.

"So she finally won you over. Good for you." She grinned.

"I will not confirm or invalidate these accusations. I resent them." Fenris replied coldly, but with a small smile on his face.

"Very well. I do believe we have other business to attend to." She smiled and returned to her desk.

-OOO-

Outside Kirkwall an army was heading north. The dust of the road surrounded them and anxiety and anticipation was in the air. The leader, an archer in a white armour, turned to watch the sunrise over Kirkwall. The city of chains was far from a pretty sight, but its leader was one of the rarest jewels in Thedas. There was only one like her and she had been brought to them by the Maker himself. Showing them the truth about themselves and giving them the freedom to choose their own paths. Sebastian was impressed with Leila's skills and the pace with which she made her words into action. Three weeks and he was already heading towards Stark Haven with a thousand men. Meredith had agreed to support this venture and both templars and mages had joined their ranks. Meredith had said it was necessary to send a statement to those who had thought they could diminish the authority of the templars and Chantry by burning down a circle (both Sebastian and Meredith were unaware that his fire might have been started by one of the mages themselves.). Sebastian had gladly signed the treaty between the two cities, which contained the promise to aid each other in times of war, expansions of trade and an exchange of knowledge and inventions. Leila may not have wished for her current position, but she was excellent at it. Kind, clever, wise and deliberate just as he knew she would be. In a week they would be in Stark Haven and hopefully they would encounter little resistance. This was the strength Sebastian had that Leila lacked. He was able to lead an army and she wasn't. She had Hawke for the moment, but she needed a husband with skills to compliment her own. And if he got his way it wouldn't be long. Of course he would have to wait until the child was born and according to Chantry law, the woman must have been a widow for at least half a year before allowed to take a new husband. He shuddered as he remembered the last conversation he had with Elthina before he left.

_"This is not wise, Sebastian. Please, come to your senses and return to the Chantry like you swore." Elthina had scolded._

"Stark Haven needs me and I will reclaim my birthright, if the Maker wills it." He replied.

"You are subjecting people to war for your own selfish desires." She remarked seriously.

"The people need me and this will bring peace to my family, so that they may rest in peace." He replied as he packed the rest of his belongings.

"She will not marry you for a mere title." Elthina said knowingly and Sebastian looked at her in momentary surprise.

"No, but she will marry in the best interest of her people and in order to protect. She did this before." He replied.

"You are as reckless now as the day you turned away from us. You are willing to risk the lives of others to gain a selfish desire, which you had sworn to leave behind. May Andraste guide you for I fear you have lost your way." She replied and that was the last he had seen of her, before leaving Kirkwall.

-OOO-

This saturnalia had been strange. Without Leandra and Sebastian is had seemed a little empty. Despite this it had been a happy holiday and Leila was now going through all the gifts. They were mostly for the child. Varric had given her a book with children's stories, Aveline had bought some clothes for the child in Orlais, Sebastian had left behind the child's first version of the chant of light (which Leila groaned at on the inside. Nice thought, wrong crowd.) And Isabella had given her a mobile with ships. Hawke and Merrill had gone completely overboard and bought so many toys, that Leila was unsure where to put them all. Anders' gift had touched her heart. He had found one of the drawings she had done of her mother and had it framed. It was now placed on the mantel above the fireplace. She had given him a set of new robes, which looked like a mixture between the ones he usually wore and his formal ones. Black tunic and a green coat with black feathers. She looked around the room and realised, that at some point she would probably be forced to move to the keep. As excited as Hawke and Merrill was about the baby, she was pretty sure it would become novelty at some point. Not to mention that her daughter would need her own room one day. Which brought around the question of how to incorporate Anders in that life? She pushed away those thoughts and tried to have faith that a solution would present itself in one way or another.

This was a strange day for her. It was two years since she had come to Thedas and so much had happened. She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice Anders until he wrapped his arms around her. She jumped a little and then released a breath.

"I'm sorry, love." He chuckled and kissed her cheek.

"I missed you today." She smiled and leaned her back into him. He gave her a soft smile and kissed her temple.

"Dinner is ready. I'll help you sorting out all of this later." He said softly.

As they walked into the dining room Leila couldn't help but smile. Hawke, Anders and Merrill had prepared a wide variety of foods that she had introduced to them from her world. Ice cream, burgers, chips, basically everything that wasn't good for you. Hawke walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"I'm sorry I brought you into this mess, but I have a hard time regretting it. We thought this might be a sad day for you, so we decided to make it some of a celebration instead." He smiled and Leila gave him another hug.

"I don't regret you brought me here either. This was very sweet of you." Leila smiled.

After these two years, Kirkwall felt like home. Not a perfect home, but everyone she loved was there. Hawke and Leandra had lived up to the promise of giving her the opportunity to make a life in Thedas. None of them could have imagined this path and Leila was a little anxious about the future. After an enjoyable evening Leila walked back up to her bedroom. Anders joined her a few minutes later. She was standing looking up at the stars and he felt his heart tighten. When she did that and had that demeanour about her it meant that she was upset or sad. He had hoped that she had stopped missing her world as much. That he and their daughter was enough to fill that void inside her. He walked up behind her and kissed her neck softly.

"What is the matter love?" He asked softly.

"I'm afraid." She said simply and leaned into her.

"Do you still miss your home?" He asked, now realizing how much it would hurt him if she said "yes".

"It's not that. I don't know anything about raising a child in this world. Even simple things are foreign to me. In my world I would at least have an idea, but here I am lost." She explained with sadness in her voice.

"Like childbirth?" He asked looking down at her. His heart relaxed as she smiled up at him and caressed his cheek.

"That is the part that doesn't worry me. I have you and that is a great comfort to me. It's more like... well wet nurses. I don't want someone else to feed my child. I find it disgusting somehow, but that is what is expected. And what if my duties take me away from some time, how is she going to get something to eat? I have never even changed a diaper or really held a baby. I don't even have Leandra to teach me. What if..." She explained almost panicky, but was interrupted, when Anders turned her around and kissed her. When he pulled away he looked at her lovingly.

"You are not alone in this. I am right here and I'm not going anywhere... Would you like to talk to someone who has had children? Would that make you feel more at ease?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes... What would I do without you?" She asked leaning into his chest and rested her cheek against it.

"You would do fine, but I can't say that I don't enjoy being appreciated." He smiled and kissed the top of her head. She gave a sigh and hugged him tighter as her reply. He always enjoyed, when she was taking comfort from him, knowing he was the only one she would take it from.

"It is perfectly normal to feel a little overwhelmed and unsure." He soothed stroking her back.

"And yet you seem so calm." She smiled looking up at him.

"I love you and our daughter. That makes every fear I have pale in comparison." He smiled and kissed her softly.

-OOO-

Hawke was pacing back and forth in the upstairs of the living room. Merrill was sitting on the railing twisting her hands and from time to time came with some rambling comment to help calm herself. She really was adorable, but he was too nervous to notice at the moment. It had been like this for more hours than he cared to count.

"Maker! You would think I was the one having a child." He chuckled at himself looking at Merrill who giggled.

"You do seem a little on edge. What do you think the baby will look like? I wonder if it will look like Leila." She mused.

"Let us hope so. The fathers' nose is hideous." Hawke chuckled.

"Seamus did have a very square nose. Oh I think I heard someone whimper!" Merrill commented with excitement.

A few minutes later a very tired looking, but happy Anders came out of the bedroom and smiled at them. He was only wearing his trousers, boots and shirt. The sleeves were pulled up and he was drying his hands with a towel. Hawke was still nervous though and his fears would not be calmed until he saw the child.

"Is everything alright?" Hawke asked with surprising concern.

"They are both well, but tired. You can see them now if you like." Anders smiled and Merrill looked at him with excitement.

Hawke walked into the bedroom and looked at Leila who was looking very tired, but happy. In her arms was a little girl, with brown hair wrapped in a blanket. She looked like Leila and for the moment Hawke felt relief. Merrill walked over to Leila and gave her a hug.

"She is beautiful. What is her name?" Merrill asked taking the little child's hand.

"Maia. This is your aunt Merrill." Leila cooed in a low voice at the baby, who was sleeping.

Merrill smiled brightly at the title given to her and kissed Maia's head softly. Hawke walked over and kissed Leila's forehead. He looked over at Anders who sat down on the other side of the bed.

"Merrill, will you go down and tell Bodahn to make something to eat? I'm starving." Hawke smiled and kissed Merrill's cheek.

"Of course. See you, when you are awake little Maia." Merrill cooed and walked out the door.

"Would you like to hold her?" Leila asked looking up at Hawke. Hawke reached for the baby.

"There you go. Uncle Garrett is going to protect you and keep you out of trouble." Hawke chuckled holding the baby.

Leila smirked with disbelief evident on her face and Anders gave a low strangled cough. Hawke studied Maia. Her hair was light brown like her mothers and had pale white skin. She had a little round nose and round facial features, beyond the baby fat. The little girl opened her eyes and Hawke saw a pair of golden brown eyes looking up at him. Anders' eyes.

"So how are you going to convince people that she is Seamus'?" Hawke asked smiling down at Maia, without a hint of surprise on his face or in his voice. Anders and Leila looked at each other for a moment with worry and Hawke sat down on the bed still holding Maia.

"How long have you known?" Anders asked seriously.

"I didn't know until now, but I did suspect it. It's a good thing you went way pasted your due date, Leila. It will make it easier to convince people." He remarked looking at them both kindly.

"If you suspected then..." Leila swallowed and Anders took her hand giving her comfort.

"You forget that I am the only one who knows you this well. I am probably also the only one who hoped she wasn't Seamus'." Hawke replied.

"How did you suspect it?" Anders asked.

"Leila loves you. Married or not there is no way she would be with Seamus so soon after." Hawke explained.

"Do any of the others suspect?" Leila asked.

"I'm guessing Varric. The rest don't care or just believe that it is Seamus'. He was quite taken with you after all. But back to my original question, how will you convince people?" He asked seriously. Anders and Leila shared a pained look.

"I have no idea." Leila sighed and reached for her child.

"And once again, Hawke is to the rescue. Listen, brown eyes are quite common in my family, so that won't be a problem. But we might want to add something to her that is distinctive of the Dumar family. Such as a birthmark on the right side of her neck." Hawke replied and pulled out two small paintings of Seamus and Dumar. Ander took the pictures and both Leila looked at them.

"I remember that mark, but what do we do? Paint it on her every day?" Leila said raising an eyebrow.

"The Black Emporium." Anders said with understanding looking at Hawke.

"Exactly. I'm not always stupid you know. In fact I can be quite cunning." Hawke smirked.

"Love, what are you talking about?" Leila asked looking at Anders.

"The Black Emporium, is a shop underneath the city. It has a lot of ancient artefacts, potions and items. There is a mirror there that allows you to change your appearance permanently. If we take her there we can add the birthmark." Anders explained and Leila looked down at their little girl.

"You are perfect, Maia, but we need to do this. I'm so sorry sweetheart." Leila said softly and kissed her child's forehead.

"We'll better take her right away, before anyone else sees her." Anders replied kissing Leila's cheek and got up to put on his tunic and coat.

"Yes. I suggest we take the basement and bring Ziggy and Ebony just in case. It's better that Merrill stays here with you." Hawke replied.

"Hawke..." Anders began.

"Don't worry. I won't tell even her. We can just say we need something in your clinic. I'll go get ready to leave." Hawke replied with a smile and walked out the room.

After putting on his clothes he walked over and kissed Leila's lips and Maia's forehead.

"I'm sorry we have to do this." Leila said in a low voice.

"So am I, but this will protect her. Children of apostate's are normally taken by the Chantry. This will protect all three of us." Anders replied.

"She won't be allowed to call you father." Leila said as a tear fell from her eye and Anders' heart cringed.

"No, but I will love and protect her. In the end that is what matters most. I'll better get her dressed." He replied and picked up Maia.

He placed her on the bed and despite what was going on, he took true enjoyment in dressing his daughter for the first time. He looked at Leila who was smiling brightly at him. When done he wrapped Maia in a blanket again and went to kiss Leila's forehead.

"I love you. Try and get some rest. I'll be back as soon as I can." He smiled.

"I love you too." She smiled and kissed his lips, before lying down to sleep.

-OOO-

Anders was carrying Maia, as he, Hawke and the dogs walked towards The Black Emporium. They were both wearing long black coats to keep warm and somewhat hidden. Maia was tucked in the father's arm underneath his cloak and was thankfully asleep. Anders didn't want to use a sleep-spell on his child, but he would do it if necessary. He knew what Leila had been feeling because he felt it to. This was their child, but circumstances forced them to hide it. Had he not been a mage all of this would have taken another direction entirely. As it was they were forced to take actions they didn't want to, in order to protect them all. Anders was grateful for Hawke's friendship and the lengths he was willing to go for them. He had even come up with a plan to keep them safe. He had also found a way to change Maia's appearance without erasing the things she had inherited from her real parents. She would still have Anders' eyes, which seemed to be the only thing she had inherited from him, apart from a birthmark on her stomach. They reached the Emporium and walked through the door.

"Welcome to The Black Emporium." Xeenon's voice echoed in the shop.

The old mummy-like body was sitting in his chair like always. Anders pulled Maia closer into his chest, an unconscious protective responds. Thankfully Xeenon, his golem or his urchin didn't seem to notice the little girl.

"We are just going to have a look." Hawke said cheerfully and they walked towards the mirror.

As the approached the mirror an all too familiar blue glow appeared and Hawke made a sigh.

"Not now..." He muttered under his breath and turned to Justice.

Justice looked at him for a moment, but he didn't seem hostile. He looked at the mirror and then down at his daughter. As amazed Hawke had been seeing Justice's behaviour in Leila's presence, it was nothing compared to this. Justice seemed gentle and kind, as he stroked the little girls head fondly. He brought his lips to her forehead and placed a small kiss. Anders at once told Hawke that Justice had been a kind and good spirit, but it wasn't until now that Hawke actually believed it. He felt as if he was starring back in time and saw Justice for what he truly was. Anders was not the only victim of their joining. Justice tore his gaze from the little girl.

"This is unjust... It is not right to change her." Justice said looking at Hawke.

"I know my friend. It sucks, but this will keep her safe and will keep others from making an even greater injustice." Hawke replied cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder. Justice gave him and almost pained look, before nodding in agreement. He looked down at Maia again.

"When I first came to this world I was surprised by all the beauty it contained. I had almost forgotten it again after Anders and I became one." Justice explained and Hawke had to smile.

"But Maia reminded you of it." Hawke replied with understanding.

"In the fade there is no such thing as children. The spirits themselves are seen as being pure, but this level of innocence... is rare." Justice replied softly.

"Justice, we need to do this. She needs to get back to her mother." Hawke said firmly, but kindly.

Justice nodded and handed Maia to Hawke. He walked closer to the mirror and looked down at the little girl still fast asleep. He took her hand and softly pressed it against the glass. At his command the large birthmark appeared on the right side of her neck. A momentum in honour of a man, who gave his life to save his city and helped to keep her father safe from harm.

-OOO-

When Anders returned home, Leila was still in bed asleep. He was glad that he had managed to cast that sleep-spell on her, before leaving, as she needed the rest. He placed Maia next to her and took of his clothes. He then lifted the covers and crawled into bed next to them. He kissed Maia's head as she lay between him and Leila. Leila's eyes fluttered opened and sleepily she turned on her side and faced them. She looked into his eyes with a happy expression and he leaned over to give her a kiss.

"Thank you for making me happy." He said softly stroking her cheek.

"Thank you for letting me." She smiled and closed her eyes with a blissful sigh.


	49. Chapter 49 Flame

Flame

Leila awoke by the sounds of her daughters cries, but before she could even be bothered to open her eyes, Anders was out of bed. He picked up Maia and rested her against his shoulder, kissing her hair while cooing soft words to her. Leila had to smile at the sight. Maia was two months old now, but seeing him like this still made her smile. Maia whimpered.

"Shh... sweetheart. Mother has to get up in the morning, so we need to be quiet." He whispered into her hair.

"I'm already awake. Is she hungry?" Leila asked softly sitting up.

"She might be. Seems she has my warden appetite." Anders chuckled.

He walked over to sit next to Leila, before handing her Maia. Leila placed Maia in her arms and made the child suckle. Leila gave a low yawn and Anders kissed her cheek.

"I could get a bottle you know, so you can get some rest." He said softly stroking her cheek.

"It's alright. It's not easy to get her to drink the goat's milk. And I don't blame her." Leila chuckled, before yawning.

"The rest of the army returns from Stark Haven tomorrow. You will need rest." He said softly.

"I know. Sebastian will also be coming back tomorrow. He has some business in Kirkwall and has left his throne in the hands of his advisors for the time being. It's going to be strange to see him again after almost six months." She replied.

"Well thankfully it only took him a month to get the throne. What has he been doing with the army for that long?" He asked while stretching.

"He needed it to maintain stability until things were in order. Which they are now, thankfully." She sighed.

"Why don't I bring Maia with me to the clinic tomorrow and you can focus completely on your duties?" He asked picking up Maia again.

"Are you sure she won't be in the way?" She asked with a yawn lying back down. Anders scoffed faking offense.

"In the way? How can mother say such thing about you?" Anders cooed, while tucking Maia in her crib.

"You talk to her like you do ser Purrcival." Leila chuckled.

"Don't you listen to her sweetheart, she is just tired and being silly." He cooed, before stroking Maia's cheek with a finger and walking back to bed.

"She won't be any trouble. I enjoy having her with me." He smiled and kissed Leila softly.

"Thank you. I was beginning to feel like a Hightown cliché, having Orana with me everywhere to take care of my child." Leila sighed with regret. Anders took her chin and made her look at him.

"Hey, not every noble woman here is the Viscountess. You are a wonderful mother. Most Hightown women wouldn't bring their child anywhere." He smiled and had her rest against his chest.

-OOO-

The next morning while Leila and Hawke were having breakfast Varric came running into the estate.

"You better get outside now. It is quite the show." Varric hurried and walked out the door. Hawke was the first to follow, who saw Orsino standing in front of the stairs to the keep and a crowd of nobles.

"I know you fear us. Knight-commander Meredith uses that fear to take control of your city! She opposes every effort made by Viscountess Amell to improve this city and you have seen the chaos of Meredith's supposed reign. Will you allow it?" Orsino said loudly looking over the crowd.

"Return to your homes. This farce is over." An icy voice said loudly as Meredith appeared in the crowd.

"Wait! Perhaps there are some who would disagree with you Knight-commander." Orsino exclaimed, pointing at Hawke.

"Do not hide behind the Champion, he has no role in this." Meredith said coldly.

"I don't need anyone to speak for me Knight-commander." Hawke replied sternly.

"Is that so?" She replied with disbelief.

"I think the Champions views would be appreciated or do you fear what he has to say?" Orsino challenged.

"I fear nothing. My only interest here is in keeping or and protecting the innocent." Meredith defended.

"Your measures have become more extreme of late." Hawke replied.

"And you could do better? How well did you guard your own mother? Did she not die at the hands of a bloodmage?" Meredith stated.

"Why don't you just stab me in the back while you are at it?" Hawke said with offense.

"Are you sure you wish to bring up that particular incident, Meredith?" Leila said loudly and walked out from the crowd.

"Cold corpses speak louder than abstract freedoms, do they not? As long as that is true Kirkwall needs its templars more than it needs new ideals." Meredith said sadly.

"It needs templars who fulfil the role of protection, not the role of leadership. As for the incident with Leandra Amell Hawke, may I remind you that one of your templars had been on this bloodmages trail three years before this incident occurred? He reported this to you and instead of trusting a templar, under your command, you reprimanded him and send a letter of apology to a bloodmage, who had a hand in Leandra's death." Leila replied coldly. The crowd of nobles started whispering.

"That only proves my point that things are out of control." Meredith replied, a little shaken obviously.

"They are, but perhaps that is in part because you in your desire to help, are taking more duties upon yourself than what is necessary." Leila said politely.

"I have to since you are too inexperienced for you position." Meredith spat.

"And did the same go for Viscount Dumar? When will it end?" Orsino argued.

"When I find a ruler that will succeed, where Dumar failed." Meredith spat.  
The nobles cried out in outrage, supporting their Viscountess.

"That is enough! Perhaps if you spend your time hunting the mages who are actually a threat, instead of antagonizing those already under your control, we will have fewer incidents like those of Ninette Gyslain, Lady Arlassa and Leandra Amell. As it is I am the elected ruler of this city and not you. Like you I also have an interest in protecting the innocent and, despite your believes, this is possible without your constant interference." Leila challenged.

"How dare you?" Meredith all but roared.

"You were the one who said cold corpses speak the loudest. If you wish to challenge my authority you can do such in a civil manner in my office." Leila replied coldly.  
Meredith walked close up to Leila and looked down at her.

"Be careful. Do you think that your affair with that mage in the undercity has gone unnoticed? How long after the death of your husband did this affair begin I wonder? What do you have to say to that?" Meredith said with a deadly stare, but Leila thankfully held her cool.

"As the Viscountess there are many rumours of my amorous activities. Would you mind summoning up the rumours for the Knight-commander, Varric?" Leila asked with a smile.

"It would be my pleasure. There is the one about the visits to the rose of course, the one about you and your elf bodyguard, several refugees and elves, not to mention..." Varric summoned up.

"That is enough." Meredith replied with annoyance.

"You brought it up." Hawke grinned.

"Now, I think we have all embarrassed our selves enough for today. Please return to the Gallows Knight-commander and I will have Orsino escorted back later." Leila said softly.

"Later?" Meredith asked.

"It appears that I have business with the First Enchanter. You are not the only one not interested in a riot, Knight-commander." Leila explained politely. Meredith was about to object, when Elthina made an appearance.

"My, my, such a terrible commotion." Elthina said softly stepping closer.

"This mage insides rebellion, Your Grace. I am dealing with the matter." Meredith defended.

"And it would seem that our Viscountess now has taken the matter into her hands. Now return to the Gallows like a good girl." Elthina replied.

"But... As you wish Your Grace." Meredith said feeling defeated and walked away.

"Thank you for stepping in. Both you and the Champion." Elthina smiled.

"Thank you for your interest in the debate, but you can return to your homes now, this discussion is over." Leila said loudly with a smile and the crowd broke up.

"It seems you have your hands full. May I speak with you later, Amell?" Elthina asked.

"Of course." Leila replied, her head already spinning with all the tasks she had for the day.

As Elthina walked away, Leila turned to Orsino with a smile.

"I thank you for your loyalty First Enchanter, but it might have caused more trouble for me." Leila said softly with a smile.

"I apologize. It is just frustrating to have her try and undermine everyone's authority." Orsino sighed.

"I know, but you must give me time. I don't sit idly by and I am aware of the situation." Leila comforted.

"At least this gave you the opportunity to stand up to Meredith. No one will think that she is able to toy with you now." Hawke grinned.

"Perhaps, but it also put more strain on an already fragile relationship. Garrett, will you escort the first Enchanter back to the circle. I'm sorry, but I would rather not antagonize Meredith more today." Leila smiled apologetic at Orsino.

"Of course. Thank the Maker you married Seamus Dumar, who knows what she would have been able to accomplish without a viscount." Orsino sighed and walked away with Garrett.

"So how did she find out about you and Blondie?" Varric asked in a low voice.

"I don't know, but for now at least I have postponed the issue. I have to get to the keep. See you later Varric." Leila smiled.

"Take care Sunshine." Varric said a little worried and she gave him a hug before walking to the keep.

-OOO-

Leila was pacing in her office, being more than a little uneasy. Meredith's words were ringing in her mind. She was angry with Orsino for starting that discussion, but not unsympathetic to why he did. She had only been viscountess for ten months and things did take time. She momentarily wondered if she would ever meet a mage with patience. She was terrified on Anders' behalf and was convinced that it would only be a matter of time before Meredith would take drastic measures. Leila had tried so hard to do this peacefully, but what Orsino had done, lit a fire that was not easily put out. In some ways she was not sure if she wanted the flames to calm. Perrin came to mind and she shuttered. More for Maia and Anders' sake than her own. Alain and Thrask had informed her that Meredith was becoming more paranoid and Leila feared a confrontation, perhaps even a violent one, was inevitable. But first she needed to find a way to make sure Meredith could not touch Anders or her daughter. She would have to meet with the Divine, but she also had another idea. She sat down at her desk and wrote two letters. She had only just finished, when it knocked on the door and in came Sebastian with a bright smile.

"Well, if it isn't Prince Vael. It is an honour your highness." Leila smiled brightly.

"There is no need for titles." He replied and walked towards her and embraced her.  
She was a little surprised by this, but she was always weary when in his presence and didn't want to offend him, so she let him hold her. He pulled away and his blue eyes took in her facial features.

"I missed you... your company I mean." He said with a small blush.

"I have missed our discussions as well." Leila smiled.

"I heard you had a beautiful little girl. Congratulations." Sebastian smiled.

"Thank you. She is with her babysitter currently, but you can meet her later." She smiled.

"I would love to. Shall we get the official business out of the way?" He asked and she agreed.

-OOO-

On the way home from the Gallows, Hawke went through Darktown to check on Anders and Maia. Hawke was feeling uneasy after the show down earlier today. As if Leila didn't have enough on her mind. When Hawke arrived at the clinic he stood in the door just watching, as the women cooed over little Maia and Anders looking proud, even as he was tending to a patient. Being a father really suited Anders, as if it diverted his attention from his darker melancholy side. Hawke began wondering about his own children, but he and Merrill just weren't ready for that yet. All that mattered to her was her mirror and until that was over with it would have to wait. For now Hawke was happy being the silly uncle to the little bundle of joy. Maia began to whimper and immediately Anders was picking her up and comforting his little girl.

"You are going to be a good father someday, Anders." One of the women said a comment that both warmed and stung, Hawke imagined.

"Thank you." Anders just smiled and concentrated on Maia.

Anders looked up and saw Hawke standing in the doorway.

"Hello Hawke, what brings you down here?" Anders asked with a smile.

"The prettiest girl in Kirkwall, of course." Hawke chuckled warmly and wiggled his fingers at Maia. He then looked at Anders.

"Can we talk privately?" Hawke then asked.

Anders nodded leading him to the bedroom. Anders placed Maia on the bed and Hawke sat down next to her. Anders looked at him closely and tension was evident on his face.

"What happened?" Anders asked.

"Orsino spoke out openly against the Knight-commander today. Leila and I became involved and... well short story Leila put Meredith in her place, but then Meredith started threatening Leila." Hawke said carefully looking at his friend who became pale.

Anders took a deep trembled breath his hand holding his amulet tightly. After three deep breaths he looked at Hawke.

"What kind of threats?" He asked with an almost trembled breath, stroking his daughter cheek with one finger.

"Meredith has gotten wind about you and Leila. Good news is that she suspects it didn't start until after Seamus' death. I just wanted you to know to be extra careful." Hawke replied.

Anders ran his hands trough his hair and starting pacing, annoyance, fear and anger plain on his face. Hawke was about to say something, but decided against it. Interrupting Anders, when he was this agitated, was a possibly health threatening idea. Anders gave a cry of frustration.

"Why can't we ever catch a break?!" He growled.

"I don't know, Anders. But I will not let her harm any of you. Even if I will have to kill her myself." Hawke replied darkly.

"Meredith will die. Don't doubt that!" Anders replied heatedly with a teary voice. Maia started crying and Anders walked over and picked her up.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean to frighten you." He said sadly into her hair.

"Anders, it will be alright." Hawke comforted.

"Will it? My own daughter is not allowed to call me father. If you are born with magic they hear about. If a mage has a child, it is taken from them regardless. Andraste said magic should not rule over man. It is not ruling simply to wish for the same rights as any man." Anders said, his voice still thick from unshed tears, as he was kissing Maia's head.

"We are not giving up. Things will change. They have to." Hawke swore with determination.

No one was going to harm them and Hawke would do anything in his power to make sure of that. He had lost enough family for a lifetime. Anders reminded him so much of his father. He wondered if his father had the same doubts and concerns, which led to how many more, were there like Anders? Mages who only wished to be with their families? How many more tears had been cried over this?

-OOO-

That night Leila tucked Maia into bed, while Anders was sitting by the desk looking through some old Tevinter tomes. One of these days she would have to learn Arcanum. He had been tense the entire evening and she was worried about him, as he lost himself in his work. He was very unspecific to what he was working on, but told her that it was better that she didn't know. She thought maybe it was something he was doing for the underground. She just wished she could help him. She walked over behind him and wrapped her arms around him. He held a hand on her arm as she squeezed him.

"You look tired and worried." She said softly and kissed his temple.

"I worry what will happen to you because of me. Both of you." He replied and turned to look at the crib.

"Because of Meredith... I am looking into a solution for that. Come, you need some rest." She smiled softly and took his hand leading him to the bed.

They lay there for a while, in each other's embrace as their limbs were intertwined. Taking comfort from each other's warmth and breathing.

"What happened, when you left the wardens?" Leila asked softly and Anders gave a sigh.

"You don't want to know." He replied sadly. She pushed herself up and looked at him.

"Yes I do. I love you and you cannot scare me away." She said softly and kissed him. He looked at her for awhile, considering. He then sighed and had her rest against his chest again.

"Before I joined with Justice a former templar named Rolan, had been recruited into the order. He was a spy for the Chantry to keep tabs on the mages within the warden's ranks." Anders began.

"And Elissa agreed to this?" Leila asked looking up at him.

"No, this was after Elissa returned to court. Elissa would never have stood for it. When I joined with Justice Rolan was on his way to have me arrested with a handful templars and some wardens that shared his ideals. I... I lost control... I killed them... all of them... with my bare hands. I-I didn't realize what I had done until after." He explained any moment expecting her to shy away from him. She rose again slightly and kissed him, while stroking his cheek.

"You were defending yourself. It is... unsettling that it came to that." She said softly and he looked at her with confusion.

"You hate violence. How can you accept this so easily?" He asked hesitantly.

"Because, if I had been in your place, I would probably have done the same. Or any of our companions for that matter. Not to mention what I would do to keep you or Maia safe." She explained softly and he pulled her down for a soft kiss.

"I would do whatever it took." He whispered into her hair.


	50. Chapter 50 Refusal

Refusal

A month had pasted since her argument with Meredith in Hightown. Thankfully, it seemed that nothing more at come of it so far. Leila had written another letter and had it sent immediately. The Divine had accepted her request for an audience with her in Orlais. Leila would be leaving in three weeks and had a lot to prepare before leaving. She had decided to let Hawke be in charge of the City in her absence, as she trusted that he would not become Meredith's puppet.

-OOO-

Anders was currently sitting and feeding Maia. She had porridge all over her face and her hands were covered in it. Ebony was sitting next to them, ready to eat anything that might fall down. Maia gave a cry of happiness, as she slammed her little hand down in the bowl and Anders got some of it in his eyes.

"You incorrigible!" Anders groaned removing the food from his face.

"It seems she is a rebel like her father." Hawke chuckled in the doorway to the kitchen.

"You're probably right." Anders chuckled and Maia cooed, as if she understood the conversation.

"You **do **intend to bathe her don't you? Though, I would like to see Elthina's face as she dedicated a baby covered in porridge." Hawke chuckled.

"I do know what I'm doing, Hawke." Anders smiled, faking offense.

"Where is Leila anyway?" Hawke wondered.

"She had something she needed to take care of in the keep. I think she is trying to take her mind of the fact that Maia is going to be dedicated, into a religion she doesn't believe in." Anders replied while cleaning Maia as best he could.

"It was necessary to keep up appearances. Though I have to admit the thought of Leila telling the Chantry to go to the void is appealing." Hawke chuckled.

"It is. Now... bath time." Anders said fondly and picked up Maia.

-OOO-

After the chantry there was a celebration at the keep, as was the custom for the heir to the throne. So Anders was forced to stand on the sideline, not being able to declare kinship of his own flesh and blood. But he had known this for awhile and was trying his best to accept it. As he was considered a friend of the Champion and Viscountess in public, he could still be a part of the celebrations. He could still hold his daughter and no one would think anything of it. The "fake" birthmark had been enough, so that no one even questioned who the father was. He walked over next to Leila, who was holding Maia in her arms. She was receiving a number of useless advices from the noble women of Hightown. Anders had to chuckle under his breath, as he saw the true emotions of annoyance well hidden under Leila's smile and polite responses. When she finally escaped they gave each other a knowing glance and gave a low laugh. Maia reached for Anders and grabbed his finger. Anders smiled fondly and kissed her little hand.

"She is truly beautiful." Sebastian said fondly as he approached.

"Thank you." Leila smiled looking at Maia lovingly.

"Just as beautiful as her mother." He continued and it took all of Anders' willpower not to send a piercing glare in his direction.

"Let us hope she got her father's courage." Leila replied unspecific. A statement, which didn't imply that Anders was the father, but managed to reassure him. Leila was called by one of the nobles and she was about to hand Maia to Anders, when Sebastian reached for her instead.

"I'll take care of her while you talk to the Harimanns. She is in safe hands." Sebastian smiled and picked up the little girl.

Leila looked unsure for a moment, but couldn't refuse. She knew that Anders was uncomfortable with this, but of all Hawke's companions, she didn't trust Sebastian if he found out about Anders' relation to Maia. The image of him killing Anders, forever imprinted into her mind and colouring her opinion of him. She would be always weary in his presence. She kissed Maia's head and walked away leaving Anders and Sebastian with Maia.

"I just want to say that I'm proud of the restraint you showed here." Sebastian stated stroking Maia's head.

"I'm not a monster. I'm not going to turn into a raging abomination every time someone commits a fashion faux-pas." Anders replied calmly.

"I meant not taking advantage of a captive audience to proselytize about the fate of mages. But the other thing is good, too." Sebastian replied and began making faces at Maia. Anders groaned on the inside. Maia then began to whimper and Sebastian tried to comfort her, without any success.

"Here let me. You just have to hold her calmly and she will calm down." Anders said reaching for Maia and as soon as she was in his arms she relaxed.

"You seem to know her very well." Sebastian mused.

"I was the one who helped deliver her and Leila has asked me to watch her from time to time." Anders replied, hoping he was not to obvious.

"Are you sure that is wise given your... condition?" Sebastian asked calmly.

"If you must know, I have distanced myself from situations that make me lose control. I'm no danger to her." Anders replied, wishing that he could truly believe those words himself.

"A piece of advice, given your history with Leila it might be wise to distance yourself. Give Leila and Maia the chance to be happy and safe. You've made no secret of your intent to lead the mages here in revolution." Sebastian pointed out.

"Well, I've tried not to shout it from the rooftops. You've just been around when I talk with my friends." Anders replied coldly.

"Well, as we have mutual friends, who for some reason don't want you to get hurt, let me tell you this: If you go forward with this revolt, the Chantry will bring its full might to bear. They **will**kill you. And what do you think that will do to Leila or Maia, if you allow yourself to become a part of their lives? Do you even consider that?" Sebastian asked seriously, but with a hint of resentment obvious.

"Believe me, I do." He said simply.

"You said yourself you don't want to harm innocents. Perhaps beginning not hurting this one would be a wise beginning." Sebastian replied and pulled Maia from Anders' grasp.

Justice was raging inside Anders, as he watched Sebastian walk over to Leila, with his daughter in his arms. Anders cringed as his heart was aching painfully. He dearly wished there was no truth to Sebastian's words. That he could dismiss it as being ludicrous. He could feel Justice raging inside him and a sickening feeling embraced his body. What could he possibly respond to that? He was just about to leave and take Sebastian's advice, when Leila caught his gaze and smiled sweetly at him. That smile still made his heart flutter and always seemed to make everything alright. As Leila held Maia again, his heart warmed and he relaxed a little. It might be selfish of him, but he couldn't bear to leave them. Not ever.

-OOO-

Leila was making the last preparations, before leaving for Orlais to meet the Divine. She had to admit that she was very anxious about this meeting. From what she had heard from Lelianna, Justivia V was a good and reasonable woman, but Leila was still cautious. The purpose of the visit was to judge whether her holiness was a friend or an enemy. Until this was confirmed she had to remain hesitant. She was in the study at home and was going through some documents, she was to bring with her to Orlais. She smiled looking over at Maia, who was lying on a blanket on the floor with a rattle and a stuffed animal. She was so sweet lying there chewing on the stuffed bear's ear. Truthfully Leila didn't want to leave Anders and Maia behind. Especially Maia, who was still so little, but she knew she would be safer with Anders. She heard someone at the door and Bodahn opened. A few moments later Sebastian appeared and smiled, before closing the door behind him.

"Hello Sebastian." Leila smiled putting away the papers.

"Hello Leila and to you little princess." Sebastian smiled warmly down at Maia.

"What can I do for you?" She asked with a smile.

"I would like a private audience with you." He smiled.

"You are in luck, this is as private as it gets." She chuckled.

"You are right." He smiled and as he walked closer to her, Leila felt an uncomfortable feeling embrace her heart. His pupils dilated and he was standing very close to her.

"I wanted to tell you... You mean the world to me, Leila. I couldn't have gone through this time without you." He began and Leila could feel her heart beating at an uncomfortable speed.

"Sebastian, please don't..." She said barely over a whisper.

"Please hear me out. I have never known a woman like you. As the Prince of Stark Haven and Viscountess of Kirkwall it would be the strongest alliance the Freemarchers have ever seen. I retook Stark Haven partly because I would offer you nothing less than a prince. Say that you will consent to be my wife." He pleaded, but with a kind smile on his face. Leila felt sick to her stomach.

"You don't want me as your wife, Sebastian. You deserve someone better." Leila explained.

"There isn't anyone better. Have you never wondered why Hawke brought you here? Why of all people I was there the day you were summoned? The Maker placed you in my path and I can no longer ignore that. Together we could make a world worthy of the Maker and show him that we appreciate the mercy he has bestowed upon us." He explained with a smile holding both her shoulders.

"I don't love you." She said in a low voice looking up at him.

"I-I know, but I know that you will be a devoted wife all the same." He said with confidence.

"Dear Sebastian, I already married once without love. Seamus was a good and dear man and I cared for him, but knowing that he loved me and that I couldn't return that love... broke my heart. You deserve someone who loves you, not someone pretending to do so." She explained softly.

"In time that could change. You could learn to love me." He argued.

"But never as you wanted me too." She sighed regretfully.

"Your child needs a father. The Freemarchers could benefit from this alliance. Please consider it. I promise, if you accept, nothing will come between us." He said softly and Leila was left speechless.

Thankfully Maia began crying and Leila quickly walked over and picked her up.

"I will leave you now. Just consider what I've said." He smiled and gave Maia a small kiss on her head before leaving.

-OOO-

Leila was pacing back and forth in their bedroom, Sebastian's words poisoning her thoughts. He had made some good arguments. Some valid arguments. It would be what everyone expected and from a certain perspective the right thing to do. Anders came through the door and Leila threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Anders seemed a little surprised at first, but returned the kiss eagerly. He pulled away with a grin and looked down at her.

"Hello love." He smiled, but then noticed her tension.

"What is wrong?" He asked softly.

"Sebastian proposed to me." She replied and he could feel her shivering.

"And did you accept?" He accused almost sternly. This earned him a glare.

"No, I made a promise to you." She said with offense, though she couldn't really blame him.

"Thank the Maker!" He exclaimed with relief and pulled her close for a heated kiss, which removed the offense she had felt. She pulled away with a smile, but she was still uneasy. She walked over and sat down on the bed.

"I feel dirty." She said irritable and Anders sat down next to her.

He could feel her trembling and she was truly concerned and uneasy. She was almost acting if she was in a state of shock, her anger and worry intertwining at once. He pulled her close to him and kissed her hair.

"It will be alright love. You are going away for three weeks and he will have to return to Stark Haven. He will probably have accepted it by then." Anders said soothingly.

"I hope you are right. I hope he will still honour our treaty." She sighed, burrowing her face in his chest and felt his lips pressed into her hair.

-OOO-

There was now only two days till Leila would be leaving Kirkwall for Orlais. She had avoided the subject of Sebastian's proposal whenever he was present, but thankfully it seemed that he had no intension of breaking their treaty. She was walking into her office, when she heard Sebastian's voice in the other room. She wanted to walk quickly past it, but something about the conversation stopped her.

"It's our duty to tell the templars." Sebastian began.

"Then why haven't you done it?" Fenris challenged.

"I guess I was hoping they'd come to it on their own." Sebastian sighed.

"And then you wouldn't have to betray Hawke's friends, right?" Fenris replied somewhat coldly.

Leila's heart jumped to her throat and she lost her breath as she realised what the conversation was about.

"That's not reason enough to allow a maleficar to walk free. Which of us should do it? Shall we draw lots?" Sebastian suggested.

" Uh-uh. You want to turn them in, you work it out with Hawke and Leila." Fenris denied.

Leila walked quickly, but silently into her office and rubbed her face with her hands. Was Sebastian really so jealous of Anders that he would do such a thing? _"Probably, you saw he was willing to kill him."_Leila argued in her mind. Now both Meredith and Sebastian had it out for Anders. Sebastian could provide her with the last information she needed to capture him. Leila's fists turned white as she tightened them. Anger was making the adrenalin in her blood take over and for a moment she wondered if this was what it felt like, when Justice became Vengeance. She had to bring Anders and Maia with her to Orlais. She could not risk them staying here on their own. The door opened and Fenris came through it. With two steps Leila was in his arms hugging him, but pulled away again quickly.

"I was about to tell you about my conversation with, Sebastian, but something tells me you already know." Fenris replied looking at her with concern.

"Yes... Thank you, Fenris. You are truly a loyal friend." Leila smiled.

"So, what are you planning to do about it?" He asked.

"I have a plan, but first things first. We are bringing Anders to Orlais as well. I will not risk him harmed because of Sebastian." She replied going to her desk.

"You still love him... He might not be the best option as a father figure for Maia." Fenris said warningly, but kindly.

"You have seen him with her. Do you truly doubt that he is good for her?" She asked looking at him.

"It's not him, but the demon inside him. Just be careful, that's all I ask." He said in a friendly voice.

"I will. Thank you, for looking out for me." She smiled.

"That is what friends do, from what I am told." He smiled in return.


	51. Chapter 51 Absolution

**Absolution**

Anders was packing the last things before leaving for Orlais. Having an infant with you really made packing a challenge. He had to chuckle at the reversed roles. He was the one taking care of Maia and making sure everything was ready for their departure, while Leila was the one with last minute political business to attend to. She had once told him that this was not uncommon in her world, but to him it did seem a bit strange, though not entirely unwelcome. He sighed to himself. What he wouldn't give for a more simple life, but he decided to be happy for the things he had... he would lose them soon enough. He walked down to the Library with Maia on his arm and leaned against the doorway with a smirk. Leila was explaining to Aveline and Hawke, what was to be done in her absence. She was clearly flustered and she looked adorable in a way.

"And the representatives from the Alienage have found some improvements to be done to the area. I need you to talk to them and find out which have the greatest priority. Then there is a council meeting in two weeks that will give updates, particular of the farmlands. And be weary of Meredith, she tends to interfere in those meetings. And Aveline keep an eye on Garrett, this is new to him." Leila almost ranted and Hawke and Aveline chuckled. Leila let out a sigh and smiled.

"And I said that already." She smiled.

"Twice actually." Hawke chuckled.

"Please, tell me if mother is being overprotective." Leila said with self-irony.

"I wasn't going to say anything." Aveline smiled.

"Anders, take her away from here. She needs a break from all this." Hawke chuckled looking at his friend.

"I'm not sure a diplomatic audience is relaxing, but I will try." Anders smiled, while Leila walked over and took Maia in her embrace.

"We'll better get going. Say goodbye Maia." Leila cooed and made the girls hand wave.

"We should take Ebony with us." Leila then added.

"Isn't one beast enough?" Anders remarked drily.

"Call Fenris that one more time... I dare you." Leila said sternly looking up at him, but he just smiled while calling for Ebony.

"The city is in safe hands. Try to relax a little and get the most out of the time with Maia. You deserve it." Aveline said in a kind voice and gave her a hug.

"Listen to Aveline. Rest or we will send the entire wrath of the Kirkwall guard after you." Garrett smirked.

"Everything is ready, let's go love." Anders smiled at Leila and then realized the endearment that slipped his tongue. He looked at Aveline, who just smiled.

"Take care of them, Anders." Aveline said seriously.

"I will." Anders promise and received a bear hug from Hawke before they walked out the door.

-OOO- Orlais -OOO-

After a week at sea they had arrived Val Royeaux, heart of the Chantry, the Orlisian Empire and Fashion. Anders and Maia were to stay at the Inn for most of their time there. This was after all templar haven, but this seemed less risky than leaving him behind in Kirkwall. Ebony was brought as protection to the two of them, since Leila was depended on Fenris. Other than that about ten Kirkwall guards had come as well, to protect the Viscountess. A normal precaution, but it annoyed Leila a little all the same.

Leila had become very good with her bow and had refreshed her martial arts training, but she didn't want to use either. And she was certainly not good enough to defend herself from trained assassins. Not that she was expecting an assault, which would be more likely in Kirkwall. What she was expecting was a whole week filled with Orlisian nobles, waiting for the opportunity to incorporate her into their Game. Honour and nobility had no place there, it was a political battlefield created by social conventions for people to rise in society and prove their superiority. Deceit, manipulation and outright sabotage, were the rules of the Game. She was already feeling repulsed by the knowledge that she would be joining these balls, but even the Divine herself was not above the Game. The Game was played constantly, but the elite had no greater opportunity to flourish in it, than at a ball. A masquerade where all the nobles would hide behind masks belonging to the house they served. Fitting, that in a game of devious deceit, they would hide themselves and keep them from revealing their intentions. Though, a poker face always came in handy, and Leila would know. It was the same dance that she did with Meredith on a daily basis. Thankfully, Meredith was not instructed in the Game and Leila had the upper hand... for the moment.

Now Leila was standing outside the Chantry and the home of the Divine. She was anxious and had little idea of what to expect. Not for the first time since her ascend to the Viscountess status, did she doubt her own abilities. Over the two years in Thedas she had raised from a nobody to a leader. The world that had been so alien to her was now an open book for good and for worse. If this would be page of dread or relief, she had no idea and found herself fearful of reading it at all. Sensing her distress Fenris placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a comforting smile. Something very rare for him, but it had happened at lot more often lately. As they entered they were greeted by a committee of laysisters and templars, who escorted them to her holiness' private quarters. It was unusual for a foreign regent to be greeted privately instead of having an audience in a great hall. Leila didn't know if this was a good or bad sign and looking at Fenris he was equally confused. Arriving outside the chambers Leila was greeted by Lelianna.

"Viscountess Amell. It is good to see you again." Lelianna smiled.

"Likewise, it has been far too long." Leila replied in earnest.

"Indeed, we have both had a challenging few years. And you have risen to be regent and had a daughter. You have my congratulations." Lelianna smiled.

"Thank you. It has been quite a turn a journey and not an easy one." Leila replied with a sad smile.

"Indeed. I was sorry to hear about your husband and father-in-law." Lelianna replied with a sad expression.

"Thank you... This is my bodyguard and advisor, Fenris." Leila replied gesturing politely at Fenris.

"A pleasure. Her holiness is ready to see you now." Lelianna explained and they walked through the doors.

"The Divine is concerned about the situation in Kirkwall and takes it very seriously." Lelianna began as they walked through the private quarters.

"I figured as much. This is why I requested this audience. I hope we can find a solution to appease the situation." Leila explained and Lelianna nodded.

They were led into a large private office that was as large as Leila's throne room. Filled with books and golden statues, it was as grand at the Chantry back in Kirkwall. From the table rose an elderly lady dressed in robes in magnificent colours. She looked very kind and for some reason Leila instantly calmed.

"Your Excellency, It is a pleasure to finally meet you. Your reputation precedes you." The Divine smiled and walked towards them.

"You are to kind Your Holiness." Leila smiled and kneeled. Justivia put forward her hand and Leila kissed it, before rising to her feet.

"I would exchange pleasantries, but I think we are both anxious to get to the heart of this visit. If you will follow me to my desk, your advisor and Lelianna can guard the door. It will give us privacy and protection." Justivia replied ad gestured for Leila to follow.

"From what my informants tell me, the situation in Kirkwall is rapidly growing worse between the mages and templars. Is this your opinion as well?" Justivia asked sitting down.

"May I speak plainly?" Leila asked seriously.

"Of course." Justivia replied.

"Even if what I say may not be to your liking?" Leila asked again with the same seriousness.

"I would prefer your honesty. You have my word that no harm will befall you for the words spoken here today. May the Maker be my witness." Justivia replied returning the seriousness.

"Thank you. The situation is growing more tense. I have tried so make changes so that the people, especially the mages do not feel that they are being ignored. Unfortunately I am being overruled at every turn I take, by people who have to business in interfering with my affairs." Leila explained.

"Like Knight-commander Meredith... Tell me, a templar named Ser Alrik. What happened to him?" Justivia asked and Leila swallowed.

"The report says that he was killed by a demon of unknown origin. Why are you interested in his particular case?" Leila asked, trying to hide the uneasiness she was feeling.

"Because almost two years ago I received a disturbing proposal from him. What do you know of the Tranquil solution?" Justivia asked looking almost melancholy.

"That it was a plan to turn every mage in the Freemarches Tranquil within three years. Unfortunately he succeeded turning several innocent mages tranquil, before his untimely death." Leila replied.

"Are you relived that he died?" Justivia then asked observing Leila carefully.

"Honestly? No, death is an easy punishment. Then you are not faced with the consequences of your actions." Leila replied calmly, but inside she was shaking like a leaf.

"You are as wise and compassionate as I have been told." Justivia smiled and Leila observed her.

For some reason a bond of trust seemed to be created between them, even after only a few minutes of conversation. Leila's instincts told her to trust the Divine, but she was still cautious.

"Your Holiness, I must admit that I am afraid on behalf of the city, my people and even my daughter's personal safety. The Knight-commander is trying to undermine my rule and have even recently made a threat in public. I trust you have read the documents I send?" Leila asked.

"I have." Justivia replied listening intently to Leila.

"After what happened to Perrin and the recent attempt to take control over my guard, I worry. Meredith is very devout in her duties and does honestly want to protect the city, but..." Leila began.

"Lately she had gone to extremes and Grand Cleric Elthina does not wish to use her authority against her templars." Justivia said with understanding.

"Yes, most holy." Leila replied.

"You have been honest with me and you deserve nothing less than my honesty in return. I have known of you for quite some time. The knight-commander sent me the proposals you made to Viscount Dumar, long before your marriage to his son. "Justivia smiled.

"And what did you think of them?" Leila asked hesitantly, not sure if she was about to be prosecuted as a heretic or not.

"They were impressive, reasonable and it is entirely possible that this could calm the fires. This could be a start to giving the mages the respect they deserve." Justivia smiled and Leila nearly fell over backwards.

"Y-You support the mages? You don't fear them?" She said with astonishment and the Divine chuckled.

"We should not let fear cloud our judgement. We owe the mages a debt and yet we have been shamefully forgetful of that fact." Justivia said seriously.

"But the chant of light... the Chantry..." Leila could hardly finish a sentence in astonishment.

"The Chant of light says: 'Magic exists to serve mankind, and not to rule over him.' And so it has been. The mages have served us well, in many wars over the centuries, yet in times of peace how well have we served them? We mean no harm, yet have we not harmed them even so?" Justivia explained and Leila had to give a small laugh of relief.

"My, this has been a heavy burden on your heart, child. No wonder... I was worried about the situation, first by Ser Alrik's proposal and later by Meredith's reluctance to take your proposals seriously. I will grant you permission to make these changes and from now on you will send your proposals directly to me for approval. That way we will not have the interference from the Knight-commander. The world has been in need of change for a long time." Justivia smiled and Leila wished that Anders was present to hear this.

"Thank you your holiness... I feel I must warn you. As much as the Knight-commander would have you believe that only that mages are at fault, there are more rouge templars than ever. If the tendencies in Kirkwall are an indication of what is going on other places in Thedas, then a mage rebellion will be the least of our troubles." Leila warned.

"Because, the templars could also start their own rebellion against the Chantry." Justivia said with understanding, before continuing.

"That is why I want you to try and see if your changes will make a difference. If they work in Kirkwall then we can apply them to other parts of Thedas and reward those who have been ignored for far too long."

"Thank you for the confidence you show in me." Leila said truly humbled.

"No, thank you for be brave enough to choose a path others didn't dare glance at." Justivia smiled.

"There is another matter I wish to discuss." Leila began.

-OOO-

Anders was back at the tavern and was walking back and forth trying to make Maia sleep. He wondered what Leila was doing now and hoped she wasn't getting herself into more trouble. He didn't want her to risk everything. She had a title, wealth, Maia and a change to make a difference through peaceful means, where as he was an apostate with no future. He could risk it all and him leaving this world would not have an great impact, but he hoped his actions would. He was still researching it, but he would only see his daughters first, and if he was lucky, second nameday. Maia finally fell asleep and he placed her in the crib. Leila had told him why she had wished him to come to Orlais and Anders was furious. If Sebastian truly loved her, why would he hurt her? He heard the door open and Leila ran towards him with a happier expression than he had ever seen from her. She jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist, while her hands held his face, as she kissed him passionately. He almost fell backwards, but managed to stabilise himself. His hands held her bottom and her kisses deepened. When she pulled away, they were both panting heavily and her eyes were shining with happiness.

"I'm guessing the meeting went well?" Anders smiled, but was truly astonished about what could have happened that could possibly have made her this excited. Leila jumped down and made sure that every door and window was closed.

"Anders, the Divine is not like I expected at all. She wants to give mages more freedom and reform the circle. She has overruled Meredith and I can make the changes I want. Mages, who have passed their harrowing, will be able to join the guard and I have been given the authority to make a large clinic, where mages are allowed to practise healing magic. And this is only the beginning. I am working on a reward system, which allows harrowed mages to earn the right to live apart from the circle. And I want to find a way for mageblooded children to live with their parents." Leila said excitedly and Anders gaped with disbelief.

"She wants to change the circle?" He said doubtfully.

"Yes, but that is not the only thing. After what Alrik did, she told me she is researching a way to reverse the rite of tranquillity. The evidence suggests that the rite can be reversed." Leila said softly and looked at Anders who was dumbfounded for a few moments.

Water began showing in his eyes and he pulled her into his embrace and burrowed his face in her hair. He gave a sob and was trembling for something between happiness and relief. He pulled away slightly so he could kiss her desperately. She had brought hope to a previous hopeless existence.

"Thank you." He breathed as he pulled away and she stroked his cheek.

"There is more... Come and sit down." She smiled and made him sit down in the small living room next to the bedchamber.

"How can there possibly be more?" He chuckled as he dried his eyes. She swallowed and looked at him seriously.

"I have done something, that will piss you off I'm afraid." She said softly.

"Who did you agree to marry this time?" He spat already fearing the worst. She sighed and handed him a letter.

_"To Viscountess, Leila Amell of Kirkwall._

_I was surprised by your letter, but I must admit that it is a relief to hear from a fellow sovereign, who has such a noble reputation. First I wish to congratulate you on the birth of your daughter. Children are truly wonders of joy, if a little trying on our patience. Secondly please accept my condolences on your husband's death. He sounded like a good man undeserving of his untimely death._

_I cannot tell you the relief I felt from reading your letter. To know that Anders is alive and well was a greater joy, than you can imagine. Wardens are family and I feared for by brother. From your letter however, I can understand why Anders suddenly disappeared. I had no idea that the Chantry was interfering with warden affairs, though I should not be surprised. I of course understand his actions and that he was only defending himself. I truly regret that he was persecuted and am ashamed that I did nothing to prevent it. He has been through enough in his lifetime._

_If you would do me a favour and have him write to me? A friend of ours, named Justice, has also been missing for almost five years and I hope that Anders might know what happened to him._

_I have heeded your request gladly and my letter of recommendation to the Divine is included in this letter. I hope you will succeed in your endeavour and that the King and I will have a change to meet you in person before long._  
_Sincerely,_

_Elissa Therin, Queen of Ferelden._"

Anders looked up at Leila and now he understood why she assumed he would be angry. She knew he didn't want Elissa to find out about him, but she had obviously avoided any details about Justice. He took a deep breath and looked at her.

"Why did you write to her?" He asked as calmly at he could and she handed him a document.

_"9:35 of the Dragon_

_In light of his service to the Wardens, the Ferelden throne and his dedication to the citizens of Kirkwall, as well as his role in defending the City from the Qunari invasion, the Divine Justivia V gives the mage Anders of Kinlock Hold the right to live free of the circle._

_He is no longer under Chantry supervision and with the exception of taking an high ranking military position, and having royal political influence, he is granted the rights to live as he pleases, within the laws. He is currently listed as a citizen of Kirkwall and should he want to change citizenship the circle will have to be informed, but he will not have to live within it unless he so chooses._

_Marriage and any children born of him, will have to be informed to the Divine, but is not to be denied by the Chantry. Anders is not considered an apostate by the Chantry._

_Her Divine, Justivia V. "_

Anders looked completely pale, before a huge grin formed on his face his breathing heavy and his chest expanding almost painfully. He got up quickly and took Leila by her wrist and pulled her out of the room, the tavern and out on the street. He turned his head to the skies and shouted.

**"I am free!"**

He then pulled Leila to him and kissed her passionately. Leila chuckled against his lips and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. People were starring, chuckling and giving different kinds of remarks, but it didn't matter. For the first time in his life, Anders was allowed to show affection publicly and show the world that he had fallen deeply in love with someone. He pulled away and his eyes were filled with happiness greater than anything, Leila had ever seen from him. He lifted her and twirled her around, while laughing from joy and happiness.

"I love you!" He said loudly, almost shouted, looking into her eyes and she blushed awfully, as she became shy.

"I love you too." She replied and kissed him.

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-  
The Divine, Justivia V, is inspired by Asunder, as is her dialogue. I want to give a special thank to those who have reviewed my story, it really means a lot. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, as it is still not over._

Special thanks to: csorciere, melgonzo, Reyvatiel Songstress, Isabella Monroe and Flint and Feather. This chapter is dedicated to you. Thank you for your support and reviews. They keep inspirering me and I look forward to every update myself becasue if it.


	52. Chapter 52 Masquerade

Masquerade

Anders had removed his normal clothes and was now getting into a formal outfit, fitting of any noble. Last time he had worn something like this was when Hawke had burrowed him some clothes, at Leila's first fundraiser. He looked into the reflection and hardly recognized the man looking back at him. The man in the reflection was wearing a silver outfit, with black stripes and a pattern of red roses embroided on to the chest along the buttons. The jacket had a high collar in black and the sleeves wear slightly puffed. Underneath he was wearing a white shirt with ruffles at the sleeves peeking out under the jacket at the sleeves and chest. The trousers were completely black and he had a pair of new black boots. He was certainly dressed like a noble and in the name of the Maker, he felt ridiculous. He looked at his face and had to laugh at the contrast. Still the same rugged appearance with the unevenly cut hair. He gathered the hair that would fit in a silver band in the back, but stray locks of hair still hung loose.

"My first day as a free man and I am using it to go to some stuffy Orlisian party." Anders grumbled loudly, but had to smile from the words escaping his lips... free.

"You don't have to come. I'm sure there are enough gentlemen there to keep me entertained." Leila chuckled almost deviously from the other room.

Anders walked into the bedroom and smiled as he saw her. She was wearing a silver dress that showed of her waist and bust. Most of the back was exposed as were her neck and shoulders. It had long silver sleeves and in the front had a wide piece of silver fabric reaching from the top to bottom. It was embrioded with red roses as well. His perfect match. Her hair was up and a string of pearls were woven into it. The way the dress was embracing her, it was hard to believe she had given birth a little over three months ago.

"Not a chance. I am going to show every noble there that you are spoken for." He smiled brightly.

She smiled kindly at him, walked over to him and rested her hands on his chest.

"I can do that myself. You really don't have to come. Honestly I would much rather spend time with you and Maia." She smiled a little sadly. He took her gently by her chin and made her look at him.

"What is the matter?" He asked softly.

"I feel like I am neglecting her. I want to be a good mother to her, but I hardly spend any time with her. I am being pulled in so many directions that I feel like I am failing in all aspects." She sighed. Anders looked at her seriously.

"Because of you I am a free man. When I go to bed tonight, I will be able to sleep peacefully without the fears of templars coming for me. You are trying to give more mages that opportunity. Not only that, but you are trying to look after the elves and the poor as well. And no matter how tired you are, when you come home you sit down and spend time with Maia. You even bring her with you as often as you can. You have never failed or neglected anyone, but yourself." He said seriously, before kissing her lips softly.

"It reminds me of someone else I know." She smiled and stroked his cheek.

"Alright, new plan. We go to this ball tonight, but then we are spending the rest of our time here and the journey home relaxing. No politics and no nobles, just us and Maia." He smiled and she nodded in agreement.

She walked over to the table and picked up something that looked like a piece of jewellery. It wasn't until she put it on he realised it was a mask. It was made of silver and looked a little like a tiara. It was only covering her face around her eyes and had small silver leaves and flowers with crystals in the middle. She then handed him his own mask, which was a simple black mask only covering his eyes.

"Why do we always end up in things like this?" Leila chuckled.

"Sweetheart, I have no idea." He chuckled back as he put on his mask.

"I'm going to see if Brennan has everything under control with Maia. Aveline was right about her, she is a sweet person." She smiled.

"And a devoted guard." Anders added.

Fenris came in the room as Leila left. Fenris wanted to stay behind and watch over Maia, rather than mingling with nobles, who would assume he was a servant. Leila had always introduced him as being her advisor and right hand, rather than her bodyguard. He was her equal and while in her presence she made sure that all treated him that way. Some nobles had scoffed, when Fenris had called her by her first name. Undoubtedly that is where the rumour about their "affair" originated. Anders had not been thrilled about him being an advisor, because of his views on mages. Not to mention the way his stomach turned at the rumours. He knew they weren't true in the least, but still. Fenris was a good friend to Leila, though, and Anders knew that Leila would be protected with him. He also knew that Leila was not easily influenced by anyone's opinion and was more interested in the truth hidden beneath them. Anders noticed Fenris' glare at him and the elf walked a little closer. Anders crossed his arms. If the elf thought he could intimidate him, he had another thing coming.

"Be good to her. Break her heart and I will kill you!" Fenris growled in a deadly low voice.

"Understood." Anders replied simply looking directly into Fenris' eyes, without wavering in the slightest.

"Are you two ever going to get along?" Leila sighed heavily, standing in the doorway with Maia on her arm.

"No." Fenris replied simply, turning to look at her.

"Never." Anders agreed, as he walked over and kissed Maia on her head.

"Well, at least you agree on that." Leila replied with something between a sigh and a chuckle.

-OOO-

Anders had never been comfortable with attracting too much attention. Years of living as an apostate and fleeing the circle required the opposite. So as he entered the ballroom with the Viscountess of Kirkwall on his arm and all eyes fell upon them, he felt a shiver down his spine. Every instinct told him to run for dear life, but as his eyes met those of the small woman next to him, he felt himself frozen in place. He didn't want to run from her and through her efforts, he was no longer forced to run from anyone else.

"Viscountess Leila Amell of Kirkwall and Senior Enchanter Anders." The servant announced.

Anders had never felt so exposed in his life and as he felt Leila's grip on his arm tighten, he knew she felt the same. He was now walking among people, who had been taught to fear him and he had a right to be there. Not only was he one of the few mages in Thedas, who have been granted the right to live free of the circle, but he was escorting one of the most radical political leaders south of the Tevinter Impirium. Walking from noble to noble, Anders got a new appreciation for what Leila went through on a daily basis. In a sense this was the price she had paid for his freedom. Being constantly watched, judged and observed, words that might as well have been used about life in the circle. As their round was almost completed they approached the Divine and Lelianna. Another pawn in the Game. After bowing to the Divine, Justivia gave Leila a kind smile and kissed her cheek. A gesture, Anders noticed, who had the whole room whispering. Of course he had to fall in love with someone, who would get noticed everywhere she went. In the beginning it had been the opposite, she had almost hidden herself away from the world. Now it seemed that the flower had bloomed and everyone was taking notice. A part of him whished that she had never bloomed and that she was still unnoticed by the world. A divine secret that only he knew of. Justice corrected him for his selfishness, that both diminished her sacrifice and the change that she could bring about for mages.

"And this is Senior Enchanter Anders. It is nice to meet you in person. Such devotion to people in need is an inspiration to all of us." She smiled kindly.

Justice's words of defending mages were on the tip of his tongue. _"Talk of mages. Let her know what mages has suffered. Inform her of the lack of mercy in her ranks."_ Their shared mind encouraged, but he controlled himself.

"Thank you, Your Holiness." Anders said politely and he felt Leila's hand discreetly caressing his arm. A reward for his self-control.

"You owe me no thanks. Too often we forget to reward those who deserve it. You have earned praise and liberty. With the help of your Viscountess, I hope for a future where we might not overlook those who have been shunned for so long." Justivia said seriously, but with a fond smile.

It took all of Anders' willpower not to laugh, as the words spoken sounded like something from a surreal dream. Justice doubted that it was sincere. All of Anders' memories were a well documented manifesto telling that the Chantry could not be trusted. Yet he felt a true desire to believe her. Anders froze, as an all too well known fear creeped up his spine. He could feel his magic being probed. He turned to see a man in a black armour with a symbol of the Chantry sun and an eye on his chest. A seeker, a templar. Leila leaned softly against him and whispered, her lips barely moving and so low that only he could hear.

"You are free." The hymn of her sweet voice and words reminded him, with a gentle caress against his ear.

"This is Seeker Lambert. This is the Viscountess of Kirkwall." Justivia introduced.

"A pleasure to meet you." Leila said politely.

"And you, my Lady. Aaahh, and this is the apostate." He replied with an annoyed expression.

"My name is Anders and I am not an apostate." Anders replied coldly.

"Yes, apparently so." Lambert said with the same coldness.

"Perhaps it would be wise to finish this discussion." Leila remarked and smiled apologetic at Anders and Leila.

They nodded and Anders took the opportunity to take Leila to the dance floor. She looked up at him, with an expression that was both concerned and mischievous.

"You know, that guy almost made me miss Meredith." Leila smirked and Anders gave a chuckle.

"Astonishing isn't it?" He smirked.

"I wish there were more people like Thrask." Leila said regretfully.

"Thrask is a decent man... for a templar." He replied.

"Way to sound tolerant, Fenris." She glared up at him, as he twirled her.

"I **hate** when you look at me like that. I feel like a naughty little boy." He replied pulling her close her back against her chest.

"How naughty?" She asked suggestively looking up at him.

He almost groaned as the dance force her to leave his embrace. Between having Maia and all her duties, they had not made love in over three months. The last thing he needed was her releasing that sensual enrapturing temptress, who was hidden behind the pragmatic and wise exterior. He pulled her close again.

"Don't tease a mage." He growled playfully.

"I was not teasing a mage, but daring a man." She said, her eyes sparkling with mischief and desire.

"You are going to be the death of me." He breathed with a chuckle.

"Sorry... I have a proposal for you by the way." She smiled.

"I don't think I will be able to restrain myself, if I hear more of you proposals." He chuckled, but she ignored the comment.

"I was wondering if you would run the large clinic, I want to open in Lowtown. You will still be able to treat the refugees of course." She offered.

"You want to put me in charge of it? And I can do as I please?" He asked seriously.

"Within reason. You will have to inform me of course, but I trust you. We will have to figure out the details first, and then you can tell me if you still wish to do it." She smiled.

"Agreed, but not until we return to Kirkwall." He smiled.

The dance ended and for the next several, Anders was left standing on the sideline, as one noble after the other was twirling Leila around the dance floor. A lesser man might have been jealous, but Anders knew her so well he saw everything she hid from the nobles. She wanted nothing more than to get out of there and thought their company tedious. He then noticed Lelianna walking up next to him.

"I understand you are a friend of her majesty the Queen of Ferelden and that you are a Grey warden?" Lelianna enquired.

"I was." He replied a little solemnly.

"I accompanied her Majesty during the Blight. She always had a talent for seeing the best in people. Even in those others took a disliking to." Lelianna smiled.

"Very true. I remember seneschal Varel thinking her mad, when she recruited Nathanial Howe." Anders chuckled as did Lelianna.

"She is not the only one with that quality it would seem." She replied looking at Leila.

"No... It seems I have been fortunate in my friendships. More than I realised apparently." He smiled.

"And in love." She smiled and Anders turned pale. He was about to reply, when Lelianna stopped him.

"From your eyes. You watch her as if nothing else exists. You have gained your freedom, it would be a pity to waste it don't you think?" Lelianna smiled and walked away, leaving Anders with his heart pounding in his chest.

-OOO- In Kirkwall -OOO-

Hawke was beginning to see spots. No wonder Viscount Dumar sometimes looked tired and deranged. Hawke had always joked about people needing him to get anything done. He had never realised how many was expecting, almost demanding, the Viscount to fix every minuscule problem in the city. How Leila did this on a daily basis was beyond him. Thank the Maker for Aveline or he would have made an ass out of himself at least ten times that week. He was now sitting in one of the council meetings and he had to admit it was a good idea. Instead of having people running around gathering information and every noble knocking on your door, they reported to the representatives and they relayed the information. It was an efficient way of surveying activity I the city. No wonder Meredith was so interested in joining these meetings. Just as Leila had predicted, when the meeting began Meredith had demanded to be included. Hawke had managed to send her on her way, but not as gracefully as Leila would have done. When the meeting ended he was approached by Thrask and Alain, requesting to talk to him privately. They walked into the Viscountess' office and Hawke offered them to sit down, but they refused.

"So what is this about? The rats in Darktown are rebelling? We are low on Antivan brandy? Or perhaps the last shipment of cheese from the Anderfels hasn't arrived? Just tell me, I can take it." Hawke chuckled, but the two men's expression remained serious.

"I'm afraid Meredith has become very reclusive of late." Thrask began.

"She is crazy!" Alain finished, but received a concerned look from Thrask.

"Tell me something I don't know." Hawke scoffed.

"It is no secret that Meredith and the Viscountess have had their disputes. I believe the Knight-commander have finally realised that she can't control Lady Amell." Thrask continued.

"Took her long enough." Hawke chuckled carelessly.

"We are afraid that she might try to have her assassinated." Alain said with deep concern.  
This got Hawke's attention and he felt sick to his stomach.

"Of course she would. Blighted old spinster!" Hawke growled lowly.

"Champion... We are a group within the order and the circle, who are working together in an attempt to overthrow Meredith. We were hoping that in the light of what you have done for mages over the years, you would support us. And maybe even Amell would be willing to assist." Thrask said barely over a whisper, as they stood close together.

"Trust me there is nothing I would like better, but we need to plan this carefully. I can't assure that Leila will agree, unless the situation deteriorates further. But keep on planning and keep me informed. I don't want to see my cousin harmed." Hawke said seriously.

"None of us do." Alain replied and the two men left for the Gallows.

-OOO- Orlais -OOO-

Anders was lying in bed watching Leila asleep next to him. She looked so peaceful and all her worries had been washed from her face momentarily. He carefully reached out and stroked her cheek, without waking her. He still couldn't believe what she had done for him. She had moved heaven and earth to give him his freedom. Had it not been for her marriage to Seamus and had Maia not been conceived and put as heir to the throne, Meredith would have taken over Kirkwall. His freedom and life would still have been filled with obscurity. He thought of Lelianna's comment earlier that night. That he should not let his freedom go to waste. Had her and Divine known the entire time, that there was something between them? Or was it just seeing him in her presence that had convinced them? He carefully got out of bed and walked into the next room. He reached into the pouch on his belt and picked up the ring Leandra had given him. He carried it around with him everywhere. Almost as if he was prepared to grasp the opportunity to propose, should some twist of fate open a momentary window for it to happen. He was free now, but she was still expected to marry a noble. Had Elissa not been noble, it was unlikely that she and Alistair would have married. Yet Leila had twisted every rule so far and made them her own. Yesterday he had thought his own freedom impossible. A year ago he believed he would never be a father. Yet in that crib sleeping peacefully, was his little daughter. Perhaps he should stop recognizing the rules others had made and only follow those that made sense to him. Like marrying the mother of his child, who loved him as dearly as he did her.

_"You are distracted from our purpose."_ Justice reminded him.

"How can it be a distraction, when she is fighting so hard for the same cause?" Anders replied.

_"She is to kind to do what is necessary. She will never have the strength to do what must be done."_ Justice argued.

"But she has found another way." Anders replied almost desperately.

_"This is stalling the process of freedom. It is meant as appeasement. Don't all mages deserve what you have received?"_ Justice asked.

"They do." Anders agreed.

_"It is unjust for us to offer her a life, which we are not able to give to her. It not righteous to bind ourselves to her and Maia, when we will be gone soon. She cannot follow our path, Anders. I'm sorry my friend."_ Justice said with true remorse.

"No more so than I." Anders sighed regretfully and placed the ring back in the pouch.

He walked over and softly kissed Maia's forehead.

"One day you will love someone and there will be no templars to tear you apart." He vowed in a whisper.


	53. Chapter 53 Surrender

**Surrender**

Leila was standing in the door of their cabin on the ship. She should tell Anders that they were soon to dock, but she couldn't get herself to interrupt him. Maia was lying on the bed and Anders on his side looking down at her. Maia was cooing and giggling and Anders had a bright smile on his face. He summoned, what Leila guessed was arcane, magic in his hand. The energy formed a little butterfly and he made it look like it was flying around above the palm of his hand. Leila was in awe. She had never seen him do anything like that and it was beautiful. Maia tried to catch the butterfly with her small hands, but they went straight through it. The little girl giggled with delight, but was about to cry when the butterfly disappeared. Anders touched her nose with a familiar blue glow, which Leila new tickled. Maia cringed her little nose and grabbed his finger. He chuckled and kissed her little hand. Maia recognised Leila standing near them and gave a happy noise. Anders smiled brightly at her and Ebony huffed, clearly awoken from his nap.

"We are about to dock." Leila smiled.

"Did you hear that, sweetheart? We are home soon and the very first thing we're doing is getting a bath." He smiled before getting up and picking up Maia.

"You're heavy." He chuckled holding Maia.

"Did you just call my daughter fat?" Leila asked with mock offense.

"No, she is just growing so fast. I wish she could stay four months old forever." Anders chuckled in responds and walked over and kissed Leila.

"Let's get up on deck. Come on you bundle of fur." Anders told Ebony who happily followed them.

They walked up on deck and Fenris was looking in on the harbour with a concerned expression, as the ship docked. On the moors stood no other than the Knight-commander, a half dozen templars and Sebastian, waiting for the ship to dock. Anders kissed Leila's forehead and handed her Maia, while Ebony was already growling.

"It would seem we have quite the welcoming committee." Anders said in a low voice.

"Nothing is ever easy. Especially, not in the Hawke family." Fenris replied.

"That bastard... But this could become rather enjoyable." Leila smirked and Ander chuckled in agreement.

As soon as they docked Leila wrapped her arm in Anders' and they walked of the ship together. Meredith and the templars stood blocking the path, clearly to prevent them from passing.

"They must not have heard of the time I swam across Lake Calenhad. They have no change of following you in that armour." Anders whispered and Leila gave a small smile.

"Knight-commander. It is a delight to see you are this concerned for my welfare, that you personally show up here." Leila said politely.

"Unfortunately this is not the case. We are to arrest the apostate Anders." She replied coldly.

"Shall I or do you want to inform the Knight-commander?" Leila asked looking at Anders.

"I would like to do the honours." Anders smiled and handed Meredith the document.  
Meredith's eyes widened as she read the document, before her face turned slightly red. She kept surprisingly calm considering and kept herself composed, though she did seem a little offended.

"I see... It would seem that we have no business here." Meredith said coldly.

"What do mean no business? This man is a dangerous apostate." Sebastian argued. Meredith handed him the piece of paper and Sebastian's expression turned from angry to humble in an instant.

"The Divine..." He said barely over a whisper.

"Yes, now if you please it has been a tiring journey and I would like to go home." Leila said politely and reached for the paper.

Sebastian gave her the paper and his expression was almost pained, as the kindness in her eyes was completely closed off to him. In his desperation to have her, he had broken any relationship he had with her at all. He felt dirty and disgusted with himself. He had justified to himself that turning Anders over was the right thing to do. The man was after all an abomination that had almost killed a girl. He had never even considered what lengths Leila would go to in order to keep Anders free. The Divine herself had granted Anders freedom and it left Sebastian wondering if he had been wrong. Perhaps the Maker hadn't sent her for him, but for Anders. If the Maker had realised how dangerous Anders was, then maybe Leila was sent to calm the fire of fury inside him. Maybe she had been sent to calm the fires of the rebellion. It could be no coincidence that this path had unfolded before them. His heart just broke with the realisation, that her path was not his. Leila and Anders walked past them, but next to the Knight-commander they stopped.

"You look unwell, Knight-commander, if you need healing or a salve you just have to ask." Anders smirked with satisfaction.

"Don't trifle with me mage!" She hissed and Anders just walked away with a grin on his face.

"You just had to rub it in her face, didn't you?" Leila said in a low voice trying to keep herself from laughing.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself." He chuckled.

They didn't get far before Hawke, Merrill, Varric and Isabella stood in front of them looking deeply confused. A good guess was that they had expected what the Knight-commander was planning and was there to stop it.

"What did you do to charm your way past the Knight-commander, Blondie?" Varric asked with amazement.

"You knew about this?" Leila asked looking at them.

"Since this morning... Does this mean we don't get to kill them and take their stuff?" Isabella asked with faked disappointment.

"Apparently. How in the void did you get her to let you go?" Hawke asked with a grin and Anders handed him the piece of paper. Hawke was awestruck for a moment before he began laughing loudly and handed it to Varric, while Merrill and Isabella looked over his shoulder.

"Great ancestors... You lucky son of a bitch." Varric grinned with disbelief.

"What does this mean?" Merrill asked.

"It means that Anders is free, Kitten. Drinks anyone?!" Isabella laughed.

"This does cause for celebration, but I'm afraid we have a little one, who doesn't really fit in at the Hanged Man." Anders chuckled, stroking Maia's head.

"Then let's go home. Fenris are you coming?!" Hawke called after Fenris who was talking to Sebastian some distance away.

Fenris nodded and walked towards them. They walked through Lowtown and up towards Hightown and the usual nervousness Anders felt, looking over his shoulder and surveying for templars was gone. He still did it of course. After so many years it was completely instinctive, but his mind kept reminding him that he didn't have to. He had nothing to fear... yet. Justice's reminder last week about the justice that still needed to be served soured it, but today he wouldn't let it. The satisfaction he got from defying Meredith so openly still filled his mind. As they walked through Hightown Anders remembered something else, as Leila passed Maia to Merrill. He took Leila gently by her elbow and stopped her. She looked up at him with questioning eyes and a smile on her face.

"Will you tell the world and the knight-commander, that you love an apostate and will stand beside him?" He asked smiling down at her.

"Yes." She smiled.

He pulled her close and kissed her passionately. She instantly wrapped her arms around his neck without any hesitation. You could hear people gasping and start talking, as they realised that their Viscountess was openly kissing a man in the middle of Hightown. A man who was not a noble and who some of them knew as being the healer from Darktown. Isabella made catcalls, Fenris grunted, Merrill giggled while Varric and Hawke were laughing loudly. When they finally pulled away from each other, they were grinning from ear to ear.

"How is that for your story, Varric?" Anders grinned.

"This will do very well, Blondie. Very well indeed." Varric chuckled.

Anders wrapped his arm around Leila's shoulder and she rested against it, as they walked like that the rest of the way home. After Maia was tucked into bed, they all sat in the dining room. Leila explained that she had contacted the Queen of Ferelden and because she was both Queen and commander of the Wardens, she had great influence. Not to mention she was a trusted friend of the Divine's right hand. That combined with Leila's own status as Viscountess had been enough of a recommendation, for the Divine to grant him the right to live free of the circle. She explained that she had planned this since Meredith had threatened Anders, that day in Hightown, but as she had no idea if it would be agreed to, she had kept it to herself. Hawke and Aveline informed her of what had happened in Krikwall in her absence. With the exception of Hawke's private meeting with Thrask and Alain. That was a conversation better done in private. A man named Jeven, who was the former guard captain, had tried to have Aveline overthrown, but they had stopped him. Unfortunately with his death. The project of building better housing for the elves in the alienage was under way. They had been offered the possibility of living other places in the city, but the elves were used to living among each other and some of them even proud of it. It would take some time to change this, but for now they just wanted to improve the alienage and hopefully soon attitudes inside and outside the Alienage would change. Than there had been a problem with Hubert's mine. Almost all the workers had been killed by a high dragon and Leila was horrified and felt for the families. Hawke had killed the dragon and was now the proud owner of the bonepit, instead of Hubert.

The situation between the mages and templars had become worse since she had been gone. Without the support of their Viscountess, the mages had been at the mercy of the templars. In fact Hawke had found a secret meeting place, where some rogue templars were conspiring and he had saved a local girl from being beaten by the templars for helping her cousin. Leila rubbed her face. She needed to implement the changes as soon as possible, before things truly got out of hand. Bodahn came into the room and announced that Sebastian wanted to speak with Leila. Anders looked at Leila with a look that asked if she wanted him to come and she kissed his cheek, letting him know she would be fine. She walked into the living room, where Sebastian was standing by the fire.

"Leila, I owe you an apology..." He began.

"No. You owe it to Anders, though I am not sure he will accept it." She replied calmly.

"I want you to know, I did what I believed to be right. He is dangerous, but had I known the Divine..." He continued.

"Then you wouldn't have betrayed my trust and turned the man I love over to the templars?" She asked somewhat sternly. Fury was flaring in her eyes, but her answers were calm and collected.

"You love him?" Sebastian asked hesitantly, his heart anticipating the blow that would come any second.

"Yes." She replied calmly.

"You are deceived by your compassion to help. You cannot save him." Sebastian replied a little desperately.

"You don't understand, Sebastian. I chose to love him. I chose to look past his temper, anger and occasional arrogance. I chose to focus on his kind heart, his intelligent mind and his passion. He is a good man, who is willing to question the things around him, in order to make a better world. Do you understand? I wasn't swept away by some force of nature, I chose this path and you cannot save me from it." She said seriously and it seemed that Sebastian finally understood the meaning of her words.

"I suppose I misinterpreted the Makers wishes. I will honour our treaty, despite what has passed between us. If you still wish for it." He replied.

"Of course Sebastian and I do understand why you acted as you did... even if I don't approve of it." She replied softly.

"Thank you. Star Haven needs me, but I cannot leave Kirkwall and Elthina at the mercy of those malificarum. If the mages rebel against the Knight-commander, Elthina will throw herself between them and be torn apart... This cannot end well." Sebastian sighed.

"And what if the Knight-commander rebels against me?" She asked seriously.

"Elthina would never allow it." He dismissed.

"I am not sure that is a relevant factor, anymore." She sighed deeply.

"I know you have sympathy for the rebels, but surely you must see that they can't win. Frankly both sides are despicable." He argued.

"Well on the last part we can come to an agreement. I am trying to prevent this, Sebastian, but my actions alone cannot determine the outcome."

"So you are giving into the rebels?" He asked.

"I'm listening to the needs of my people. The ones whose needs have been long since overlooked. And I am doing it with the Divine's blessing, I might ad." She explained.

"The Divine... supports the rebels?" He asked looking baffled.

"She supports peace and equality. I..." She began.

Leila heard Maia cry and turned to see Anders coming through the doorway on his way up to her.

"It's alright, love. I'll check on her." Leila smiled and kissed him before walking up stairs.

Anders looked at Sebastian with a cold glare, but it softened a little as he saw how broken he looked.

"Will you tell her that I intend to honour our treaty and offer her any assistance she should need, if her position is threatened?" Sebastian asked.

"I make sure she gets the message." Anders replied calmly.

Sebastian nodded as thanks and was on his way out the door, when he stopped and looked at Anders.

"The Maker as granted you something truly remarkable. Don't throw it away for some ridiculous ideal." Sebastian said seriously and disappeared through the door, before Anders could answer.

Anders' heart stopped for a moment. Everyone was assuming that he would break her, even himself. It was unlikely that she didn't know this, he had even warned her. So why did she stay? He walked upstairs and saw his love walking around singing softly to their daughter. He didn't know the song, but it was very sweet. He walked over behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, looking down over her shoulder and taking in Maia's soft face. Her brown hair had grown longer and she looked up at him with her brown eyes and smiled.

"She loves you." Leila smiled.

"She loves us both." He replied kissing her neck.

They heard someone clearing their throat and they turned to see Hawke standing in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, but there are some things we need to talk about." He explained.

"Alright. Let's sit down then." Anders said and he and Leila sat down on the bed, while Hawke took a chair.

"I don't want you to freak out, but Thrask and Alain warned me there are rumours, that Meredith is trying to have you assassinated. I have tried to find out if the rumours are true, but I have found nothing." Hawke explained as calmly as he could.

Leila grabbed Anders' hand and looked at him with fear. Anders felt himself shudder, but calmed himself.

"I will contact Elissa. She knows a former crow very well. If anyone has placed a bounty on you, she will find out. In the mean time I'm not leaving your side unless Fenris or Hawke is with you." Anders tried to soothe.

"That might be wise." Leila sighed a little unevenly.

"There is more. Thrask has started a movement within the templars and circle, who are trying to oppose Meredith. I have told them to continue their efforts, but not to do anything drastic yet. I was also approached by some nobles, who heard us speak. They are afraid that Meredith will act against you and has assured me their support. If it comes to a confrontation, we are no longer alone in this." Hawke continued.

"No... unfortunately we are not." Leila replied looking down at Maia and felt Anders wrap his arms around her and kiss her hair.

-OOO-

_Justice was sitting in Vigils keep studying his fellow wardens drinking and engaging in conversations that seemed so foreign, even obscure to him. This was all so different from anything else he had ever experienced. He was fascinated and felt exhilarated somehow. Observing them he saw the beauty in friendships, companionship and a loyalty he had never known. Spirits were more solitary than these beings. They were loyal only to the virtue they represented, but beyond that nothing existed. Only emotions rule in the fade, but he had never experienced such a wide variety of them, since arriving in this world. He had felt lost at first and without purpose, but thanks to Elissa he now had one. He also saw all the injustice that was happening in this world, to both elves and mages. Things that was normally ignored by spirits, as they found them not worth saving, but they were wrong. This world and the people in it were worth saving and fighting for. His mind wandered to Kristoff's wife... the love they shared... it was beyond anything he had imagined it. He had thought it envy at first, but Elissa had said that since he was not taking it from them, it was not demonic. He felt himself wishing that he could experience it for himself, but that was unlikely as he was a corpse. He looked at Anders and wondered. He was so careless with his affections and there was hardly a chamber maid in the keep, who had not had the pleasure of his nightly visits. He remembered the intimate act that Kristoff and his wife had shared. It was so intimate both emotionally and physically. How could you be so detached from your emotions that you could perform such an act, without any emotional connection? One of the many things he did not yet understand. And with this particular one he was not sure he wanted to. Anders looked at him suddenly._

_"I was wondering... Are you saying that you could become a demon, Justice?" Anders asked._

_"I said no such thing. " Justice replied with offense._

_" You said that demons were spirits perverted by their desires." Anders reasoned._

_"I have no such desires. " Justice dismissed._

_"You must have some desires... " Anders pressed._

_"I have none! Desist your questions!" Justice replied feeling very insulted._

Justice sat up in the bed breathing heavily. Normally it was Anders who would wake from nightmares, not him. Yet, this was not a nightmare, but a haunting memory. But why was it haunting him and why did it have such an effect on him? Desires... he never had desires... not until joining with Anders. Anders' desires became his. It consumed him as it was more overwhelming than anything he had experienced. The desire to be free and help mages... That was all he saw for a long time, until... Her... He turned and looked down at Leila. Of all the beauty in the world, she was the most surprising. She seemed so fragile and he had wanted to protect her. He had not realised that in reality she might be stronger than all of them. He could feel Anders desire for her. The desire to love her, which ran as deep as Kristoff's feelings for his wife. These desires were consuming and confusing to him. He got out of bed and as he passed the crib, he looked down at the little girl. The feelings Anders had for this little creature was just as overwhelming. Justice walked out on the balcony to get some fresh air. A need he had never fully understood until now. Luckily no one could see him in the privacy of the estate. He turned when he heard someone behind him. He looked at Leila standing and looking at him softly, the moonlight reflecting on her pale skin and white nightgown, as her lose hair hung over one shoulder.

"Justice... Is something wrong?" She asked just as calmly.

This alone could break his resolve. Even with the wardens he, had been looked at with fear and even more so after joining with Anders. Only she looked and treated him as a person, with caution, but no fear.

"My sleep was disrupted." He replied simply.

"Nightmare?" She asked softly and walked closer to him. His heart beating faster with every step she took towards him and when she stood in front of him, he could feel her breathing on his face.

"A memory..." He replied and she kissed him tenderly. He returned it, but when she pulled away he looked at her seriously.

"I don't understand this... These desires... There are so many and they seem to be contradicting each other." He explained.

"They usually do. That is why things get so complicated." She replied with a soft smile.

"Why do you have them... how do you live with them?" He asked, hoping that she would have the answers Anders didn't.

"Hmm... Let me try to explain it like this. In the fade there are demons and spirits, virtues and sins are divided. I have come to look at people being both. We are part demon and part spirit. There are two forces inside us pulling in each direction constantly. That is what makes us unpredictable. This also means that we can choose between them. Every time we feel something we can decide to heed it or not. Our power lies in our ability to choose. Does that make sense?" She explained softly.

"I suppose... What if what you are feeling is wrong, but the outcome is pleasurable?" He asked.

"You need to be more specific..." She smiled.

"Before I joined with Anders, I was in the body of a dead man named Kristoff. He had a wife... I found myself envying what they had..." He explained a little shamefully.

"Did you blame them for what they had and wish to claim it for yourself? Or did you simply wish to experience something similar?" She then asked seriously.

"Does it matter?" He asked surprised.

"It makes a great deal of difference. Seeing someone happy and then wishing you could experience the same, is not envy. There is a fine line between wishing and envying, but the actions from one to the other are very different. I might wish for another child, but that does not mean that I wish to steal it from someone else." She explained.

"I... understand. Thank you." He replied softly and she wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her hair and could feel his host stirring from his sleep.

"How do we choose between those desires?" He asked.

"We take the one that is most important to us or the one that feels right." She replied in a low voice.

What feels right? What was most important? This did not remove his doubt, but left him wavering more than ever. He had been so sure, but that memory. He was afraid he had been perverted by desire, but which one? His desire for freedom or for her?


	54. Chapter 54 Dare

Dare

Four months past more quickly than imaginable. Leila had made been able to make the mages join the guard, but only those who had passed their harrowing and wished to join. The only thing they had to pass was an interview with Aveline, who was now been seen in a more reasonable light by the mages. There had been many who requested to join and no wonder. Who wouldn't want to get out of the Gallows for a while? They were granted two patrols a week, but not had all yet gotten a spot, because of the popularity. Meredith had demanded that her templars were to escort the mages, but Leila had only allowed it with the mages who were lower rank than Enchanter. In addition Aveline would have to approve the templars joining on these patrols. Meredith had been livid, but with the agreement of the Divine she could do nothing.

A month ago Anders had started up the hospital in one of the abandoned foundries in Lowtown and was now running his clinic from there. Mages from the Gallows had also been allowed to work in hospital. Again Meredith had demanded that her templars were allowed inside. Leila had outright refused to this and instead the mages from the Gallows were escorted by a few templars who, by Meredith's orders, were forced to wait across from the hospital, until the mages were to be escorted back to the circle. Anders was not pleased with this, but he knew that Leila could not deny Meredith this. The positions of healers at the hospital were also quite popular and like the guardsmen positions. Anders was the one to arrange their schedule and he had a hard time turning anyone away who wasn't qualified. With Leila's help some of the apprentices were allowed to visit the hospital to get lessons in healing. Anders was proving himself a better teacher than he thought.  
These changes had actually made the mages calm a little. There had been fewer escape attempts and fewer that had turned to bloodmagic and demons. Leila knew, because she had made Alain make a report for her and keep watch on it. A task that the First-enchanter had been too happy to help out with. As for the mage underground it was still there. Anders had believed them all to have turned to bloodmagic, but Clive had sought him out and informed him that they had become less desperate. They had been given hope by the changes Leila had made with the support of the Divine, but the group was not sitting idly by. They were waiting and preparing for the moment that was sizzling in the air. The moment when Meredith would try and overthrow the Viscountess. Anders had not informed Leila of this, because if any of this led back to her, Meredith would have probable cause to remove her forcibly and Anders wanted her to remain innocent. But in the shadows lurked a small army of apostates, elves, circle mages, nobles and even templars, ready to defend their Viscountess. Varric had once claimed that half the city was in love with Leila and Anders now knew it to be true. Kirkwall had been starving for prober leadership. A leader who served her people and made them feel loved. She had shown love and compassion for the citizens and they were now beginning to return it in kind.

Anders was still researching the Tevinter books to finish what he needed to do, but he had never been more torn. Justice and Vengeance had been torn from each other. Anders had for so long believed them to be one and the same, but now he was finding it increasingly difficult to tell them apart. One moment he was working tirelessly on finishing his work, then the next wanting to abandon it. The knowledge that the love of his life might be attacked by a furious knight-commander or attempted to be assassinated, did not improve the situation. A part of him figured that if he was the force the templars hands, then he would have protected her from these fates. But he would also have destroyed everything that she had achieved, everything that she had risked and she would go down in history like a naive little girl. This was driving them mad, him and Justice both.

As for their personal relationship, Anders had to smile. Leila and Anders were publicly known as lovers. Though, being the lover of the Viscountess had given him his fair share of unwanted attention. Leila brought him to the formal dinners she had to go to and it was with mixed feeling that he participated. He really loathed the company of the nobles, but the satisfaction of walking into the room with her on his arm was overruling that feeling. Times beyond counting, he had been forced to wait at home, while she went to some party or other, but now he had the opportunity to join her. To show all her admirers that she had chosen him. There were those, who thought it beneath her that she had chosen a mage, but others thought that since he had connection to the royal family in Ferelden, that the match was acceptable. Not that he could care one way or the other, what they thought and Leila felt the same. What had become a joy, though, was that he was now official known as Maia's father. Stepfather, according to what people believed, but he was allowed to call himself Maia's father and he had to admit there was a certain pride to that. It didn't matter if people knew the truth about her heritage, he and Leila knew and he was allowed to take the father role publicly, which mattered more than he had realised it would.

Sebastian was still in Kirkwall, refusing to leave Elthina, Hawke and Leila at a time that was so critical. Stark Haven was ruled by his advisors in his absence. To Sebastian's credit he had kept his distance from Leila and Anders and had not brought up the subject of their relationship or made any advances. He had accepted his defeat and was now interested in maintaining a friendship he had almost broken.

Anders had written to Elissa and asked her to find out if anyone had accepted a contract for the assassination on Leila. Until now no one had.

Anders was standing in his new clinic and was currently instructing one of the apprentices, that were to take her harrowing soon. They were treating a boy with a broken leg.

"That's very good, Maria. I believe we are done now, so if you can make sure this young man is returned to his parents, I'm going to check how many potions we have left." Anders smiled and ruffled the boy's hair slightly.

"As you wish, Anders." Apprentice Maria answered.

Anders walked into the stockroom and began going over the supplies. The Clinic was even more popular now than when it was in Darktown, as it was now known publicly. He heard the door behind him, but didn't react.

"I like your hands... they are so confident." He heard Maria's voice say and he smiled. He knew exactly where this was going.

"That so?" He replied still concentrating on his work.

"Yes, I am sure they are always confident." She purred and pressed herself against his back.

Anders turned around and looked down at her.

"If you would go and check the supplies on the shelves over there, that would be helpful." He replied calmly.

"I know other ways of being helpful." She purred again and let her hands run up on the inside of his thighs.

He grabbed her wrist firmly and held them into the air.

"I'm sorry, but I am not interested." Anders said calmly.

"Come now, Anders... You know what it is like in the circle, we take our pleasures and I want mine now." She gave a demanding purr.

"Let me make this clear. I am in a relationship and I seek all my pleasures with her." He explained firmly.

"She doesn't have to know." She replied innocently.

"It doesn't matter if she knows or not, cause I don't want anyone else." He replied.  
She huffed and wiggled free of his grasp, clearly her pride wounded by his rejection of her.

"They are right. Now that you have fucked your way to safety, you don't care about the mages anymore. You selfish bastard. I wonder what the Royal whore would say, if she knew how many you have pleasured in your past. Or perhaps she really has as many lovers around town. I bet that elven pet of hers is fucking her right now." Maria spat in anger.  
Anders grabbed her wrist hard and looked down into her eyes, with a bit of Justice's blue flare in them.

"If I **ever**hear you talk about her that way again, you will lose this position. If not for her you wouldn't even be here, so be grateful. Out now!" He said in a low deadly growl and a little shocked she backed away and walked out the room. Anders saw Hawke standing in the doorway.

"Well, that was certainly interesting." Hawke grinned.

"Is that how people see her? A powerful woman, who uses her influence to satisfy a sexual hunger?" Anders asked concerned.

"Are you kidding? Of course not. She was just saying those things to get back at you for pushing her away. You know that." Hawke said seriously.

"Yes... I know... What can I do for you?" Anders asked, rubbing his forehead.

"There is some trouble with the house of Bartrands. I was hoping I could get your help. From what Varric told me, the veil might be torn." Hawke replied.

"Of course. Let me just finish up here."

-OOO-

Merrill was sitting in the living room watching Maia. The little girl was sitting on the floor, while Merrill was playing if different toys in front of her. Maia giggled in delight and tried to grab the different things Merrill held in front of her. Suddenly the door went up and through it came Fenris, carrying Leila. Merrill picked up Maia and hid her face in her chest. Merrill could see blood on Leila and she seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Get the mage, quickly." Fenris instructed and carried Leila up stairs.

Merrill left Maia with Bodahn and ran towards Bartrand's estate.

-OOO-

Fenris was sitting on the bed next to Leila pressing down on the wound to stop her from bleeding to death. Where was that mage? Hopefully the witch hadn't got lost on her way. He looked down at Leila and she was very pale. He felt like he had failed her, but there were too many for him to prevent this. She was one of the most peculiar people he had ever met and he admired her. Even if he did believe her trust in mages misguided. He hoped that she wouldn't come to regret the decisions she made. Both in regard to her political and personal life. Though right now, he hoped that she would just live to see anything at all. Telling Hawke and Anders, that she had died, was not something he wanted. He didn't want to lose a trusted friend. He then experienced something, he would never have thought possible, as he felt relief when he heard the mage's voice. He could hear them running up the stairs and sure enough only a few moments later Anders came through the door and hurried next to the bed. Fenris moved and let Anders pass him.

"I'm here, love. Just hold on." Anders said softly, as he removed the cloth and began healing her.

"What happened?" Hawke asked entering the room.

"There was an ambush. The guard defending Leila was killed, while I tried to get rid of the rest of them. I managed to kill them, but not before Leila was stabbed." Fenris explained.

"Damn it..." Hawke hissed.

"How is she?" Fenris asked Anders.

"She is going to make it. She had a punctured lung, but it is healed now. Thankfully, she hasn't lost much blood." Anders replied his voice filled with relief.

"Thank the Maker." Hawke sighed with relief.

"Who did this?" Anders asked in an angry voice.

"Crows, I got this of them." Fenris replied and gave a piece of paper to Hawke.

"I'll take a look at this and you can watch over her. Come Fenris. Let us see what we can find out." Hawke instructed and they left the room.

Anders carefully removed her corset and bloodied shirt, before washing of the blood. He had to reluctantly admit that he owed Fenris her life and by extension his own. She was his entire world, the only one who made life worth living. The rest of his life was a struggle through chaos, that he in part created himself. Only this aspect of his life seemed to be untouched by uncertainty and doubt. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled sweetly at him.

"How did I end up in one of your wet dreams?" She teased with a grin looking at him washing her bare chest.

"You think this is the most interesting thing I could come up with? I thought you knew me better than that, sweetheart." He chuckled before kissing her softly.

"You scared me." He breathed against her lips.

"I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure I broke his nose though. I remember Fenris and one of the guards defending me. I tried to fight of course, but me versus highly trained assassin... not the best combination in the world." She said calmly, almost jokingly.

"How can you laugh about this?" He asked seriously.

"Because if I don't I might cry." She replied looking into his eyes and he saw the pain and fear in them.

He pulled her into his embrace and held her close taking in her scent and warmth.

-OOO-

They had not been able to find any evidence to suggest who had hired the crows to assassinate Leila, but Anders and Hawke were positive it was Meredith. The problem was that they had no proof. But there was no denying that the situation was growing tense despite Leila's efforts. Two weeks after the attempt on her life, Leila was sitting in her office going over the latest reports from her council. She smiled as she looked over at the chair next to the fire. Anders sat there asleep. Since the attempt on her life he had watched over her himself, whenever possible. He had hardly slept and spent his nights working on some of his Tevinter research. He told her it was something that was going to help the mages, but he was very unspecific. He said he didn't want to get her hopes up. She decided to trust him, but something told her that he was hiding something from her. But she would give him time to confine in her on his own terms. It knocked on the door and Anders sat up almost panicked, before taking a deep breath. Aveline came in the door.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Leila, but there is a problem with the Knight-commander down stairs." Aveline said seriously.

"Wonderful." Anders groaned and got up.

"I'm coming." Leila sighed.

The three of them walked out the office and heard an argument going on down stairs.

"Let me guess, that's your final answer?" Leila heard an unfamiliar male voice say, as she walked out of her office.

"Three mages have fled to Ferelden and you have intervened to protect them, as if it is your right to do so. What other answer did you expect, Your Majesty?" Meredith replied in an annoyed voice and Leila looked down at the railing and guessed that the blonde man must be King Alistair.

"A 'maybe' might have been nice." Alistair replied crossing his arms.

"I don't deal in maybes, only cold hard facts, as should you." Meredith replied sternly.

"Now Knight-commander, is this how we treat our foreign guests?" Leila asked walking down the stairs.

"This is templar business. This does not involve you, your Excellency." Meredith spat.

"But you having disagreements with a foreign sovereign, does concern me." Leila said calmly walking down the last flight of stairs with Aveline, and Anders behind her.

"It is my duty as Viscountess to meet with important political figures." Leila continued, now standing next to Meredith and Alistair.

"**Acting**Viscountess and how do we know you will be able to deal with these interest? You and your apostate-lover." Meredith hissed, giving Anders a cruel icy glare, to which he simply crossed his arms.

"Please return to the Gallows, Knight-commander. We have surely demeaned ourselves enough for today, don't you agree?" Leila said calmly.

"Perhaps next time Ferelden chooses a King and Kirkwall a viscount, it will be someone who takes their duty to the Maker seriously." Meredith said angrily and left, almost slamming the door on her way out.

Alistair and Leila looked at each other and released a breath, before chuckling.

"I apologize for the knight-commander. I hope this will not make you form a poor opinion of all of us, your Majesty." Leila smiled.

"Not at all. I always enjoy seeing someone else being emasculated. But I do admit it is alarming that it always seem to be beautiful women who come to my rescue... I am Alistair, King of Ferelden and this is my uncle Teegan... sort of." Alistair chuckled.

"I'm actually Teegan, I am only sort of his uncle." Teegan smiled.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Leila Amell, Viscountess of Kirkwall... or **acting**Viscountess as the Knight-commander loves to remind me. This is my Guard-Captain, Aveline Vallen." Leila introduced.

"Your Majesty. May I say what an honour it is to meet you?" Aveline said kneeling down.  
"You could, but you would be the first today." Alistair replied.

"I was at Ostagar. What happened there was a great tragedy." Aveline said sadly.

"Yes, it was. Thankfully the man responsible has paid for that." Alistair replied heatedly.

"And this is Anders." Leila said fondly looking at Anders who stepped forward.

"A pleasure... wait, don't I know you from somewhere? Weren't you one of Elissa's wardens?" Alistair looked closely at Anders.

"That's the rumour." Anders smiled.

"Yes, I remember now. You did that... what did you call it? Spicy shimmy?" Alistair grinned and Leila burst out laughing.

"Did you have to remind me?" Anders groaned.

"Why don't we continue our discussion in my office? " Leila asked sweetly.

They walked up the office and sat down.

"You were having an argument about mages." Leila smiled.

"Yes. Apparently I don't view mages in the same way the Chantry does. So we are in disagreement. That means they get nasty. But I hardly need to inform you." Alistair smiled looking at Leila.

"Definitely not." Anders said in a grim voice.

"I can certainly sympathize. I must admit your visit is a surprise. I have been in correspondence with the Queen, but I have not been informed about this visit." Leila inquired.

"Ah yes. We were in Orlais having a meeting with Emperess Celene, but things did not go as I had hoped. We decided, on the way back to Denerim, to pay you a visit." Alistair explained.

"And I am honoured by your visit. I am taking it that your problems with Orlais are due to the uprising among the nobles." Leila replied.

"You are certainly well informed." Teegan said with astonishment.

"I would not be worthy of my position otherwise." Leila smiled and Teegan chuckled.

"I was hoping that we might form an alliance. Hopefully, if we combine our forces we will bring some stability to the situation." Alistair suggested.

"I would like that, but after the Qunari attack, the recent assistance to Stark Haven and... other threats to the city, I am not sure how powerful an ally we will make at present." Leila said honestly.

"I understand. I'm guessing the threat you referred to just walked out the door?" Alistair said seriously.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Anders remarked sarcastically.

"It sounded like the situation with the mages is more manageable in Ferelden." Leila said softly.

"You'd think. Sadly I don't control the circle. I can only deal with mages outside the circle, of which there aren't many." Alistair sighed.

"Tempting to throw the templars out, isn't it?" Leila smirked.

"Ha! Easier said than done, unfortunately." Alistair chuckled.

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't try." Anders replied.

"If things continue to go this badly, we might not be given the opportunity to choose." Aveline remarked.

"You think the templars will act against you, your Excellency?" Teegan asked seriously looking at Leila.

"It is not beyond speculation yet, but I hope not. The last thing I want is to subject my people to more war... I would like to make a treaty between our countries. Will you be able to dine with the Champion and I this evening?" Leila asked.

"We would be delighted. I am afraid I will have to bring my ball and chain though. She is looking forward to meeting you." Alistair said fondly.

"And I her." Leila smiled.


	55. Chapter 55 Obligations

Obligations

All the servants were running around the house, getting everything ready for the arrival of the royal couple. It was almost ridiculous, since Leila suspected that the King and Queen wasn't as formal as the nobles, she normally entertained. She looked over at Anders, who was going over some of his notes. Leila walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She could feel that Anders was anxious. He had not seen Elissa for so long and even though, she from her letter seemed to understand the circumstances of his disappearance, the memory of how he left the wardens haunted him. He turned around and gave her a kiss, when Ebony rose and began barking. It would seem that their guests had arrived. They walked down stairs and Queen Elissa was bending down greeting the two dogs, while cooing almost ridiculously. She was a taller woman, with muscles like Aveline's and sharp facial features. She was beautiful, but in a very different way than Leila. She had long blonde hair bound in a braid in her neck, she had slightly tanned skin with freckles and blue eyes. She looked very powerful, but this was of course the slayer of the Archdemon. She had a reputation for being fair, kind, but very direct. Alistair was standing behind her, with their one year old son on his arm. When Elissa looked up, saw Anders her face brightened and she ran towards him, giving him a hug, which pressed the air out of his lungs.

"Your Majesty." He greeted with a chuckle.

"Oh, no. None of that. Let me look at you." She smiled and pulled back to study him.

"You have gotten old." She grinned.

"I am only just past thirty." He defended with mock offense.

"As I said, old. Which means that I am getting old as well." She sighed with dramatics.

"Still as blunt as a hammer." Anders grinned.

"Always... You must be Viscountess Amell. You I have been looking forward to meeting." Elissa smiled brightly and pulled Leila in for a hug.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty." Leila smiled, as she chuckled from surprise.

"Yes, excuse me my manners. I deal with nobles on a daily basis, when I am among friends I really want to put that behind me." Elissa smiled.

"It's your own fault, my love. You put us on the throne, remember?" Alistair grinned.

"Hey, you married the Hero of Ferelden. I had to settle for the King." Elissa grinned back at him.

"Ouch, always stabbing my pride." Alistair laughed.

"Anyway, I can't say how pleased I am to meet you. I have been almost giddy all the way from Orlais." Elissa smiled.

"I am surprised at that, Your highness." Leila said with true astonishment on her face.

"Anyone foolhardy enough to seek out the Divine and question her religion, has my undivided respect and attention." Elissa smiled.

"And mine." Alistair agreed.

"She is many things, Your Majesty, but she is no fool." Anders smiled, wrapping his arm around Leila's waist.

"Indeed, a sight for sore eyes. Anders; the fugitive from scorn women and templars alike, attached and willingly so. The world does certainly change when and where we least expect it. And enough with the titles. If I wanted to be reminded of my 'superiority' I would have stayed in Orlais." Elissa groaned.

Hawke and Merrill came down the stairs just then.

"As you wish. Elissa, Alistair, this is my cousin Garrett Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall and this is Merrill of the Dalish." Leila introduced.

"It's good to meet some other Fereldens. These Freemarchers can be tiring." Hawke chuckled and greeted them both.

"I agree." Alistair laughed.

"It is an honour to meet one of the Dalish. It's a shame I so rarely get the opportunity." Elissa smiled.

"Thank you... Oh, who is this little one?" Merrill cooed and looked at the boy Alistair was holding. His father's son in appearance.

"This is Duncan." Alistair said proudly.

"I met a Warden named Duncan once. Very odd man. He had a marvellous beard, though. I'd never seen one before. I thought a squirrel had grabbed him by the chin." Merrill smiled and Elissa's and Alistair's eyes turned to her directly.

"You met Duncan?" Alistair asked his expression emotionless.

"Did I say something wrong?" Merrill asked a little worried.

"Not at all. We knew Duncan very well and lost him tragically. We would love to hear more of you meeting with him." Elissa smiled.

"Then let us go into the dining room." Hawke offered.

They had only just entered, when Sandal's voice rang through the room.

"Enchantment!"

Elissa and Alistair turned to look at him and laughed, before walking over to greet him and shortly after greeting Bodahn as well. Shortly after, they all sat down around the table.

"Well, not to spoil the mood, but what about we talk politics first and then we can enjoy ourselves after?" Alistair suggested.

"I agree. I was thinking we could expand the trade routes between here and Highever. This would also allow us to monitor the Orlisian fleet, should they decide to try an unprovoked attack." Leila began.

"That's an excellent idea. I know many refugees have been trapped here and there is very little living for all of them. I want to send ships for those who wish to return, using that route. I have heard you have done a lot for them over the last few years and I am truly grateful." Alistair replied.

"There is no need. I only wish I could have done more." Leila smiled.

"You are too modest, cousin. That way you will never gain anything." Hawke chuckled.

"Not everyone seek only to gain, Hawke." Anders replied.

"You really are smitten. Look at you all defensive." Elissa grinned at Anders and then continued.

"But back to the topic, I would also suggest that you would come to visit us formally, when you get the chance. Let others know that this is a stabile alliance and not just Performa."

"I would like that. I was thinking that maybe we should also make a joined treaty with Stark Haven. The new Prince is a close friend of ours and I helped him reclaim his throne." Leila replied.

"That would certainly make a strong alliance. Right, love?" Alistair replied and looked at Elissa, who was pondering something.

"Yes, but perhaps we should take it one step further. You, after all, have a daughter and we a son. An alliance through engagement or marriges, would give our potential enemies true reason to pause."

"I'm not going to make me daughter enter an arranged marriage!" Anders said sternly and they looked at him with confused expressions.

"Maia is like Anders' own flesh and blood." Hawke quickly explained, not to reveal the secret. Elissa and Alistair smiled with understanding. Leila gave him a grateful look.

"I agree with Anders. I would like my child to choose her own husband." Leila replied.

"Yes and so will I. I am only suggesting that we let slip that this arrangement is made. Then when they are old enough they can decide for themselves. I am not in the habit of forcing people into anything. You know this Anders." Elissa smiled.

"I know. I'm sorry I get carried away sometimes." Anders explained.

"No need to apologize for that. We understand. If I hadn't married Elissa, I would have been forced to marry Anora probably." Alstair replied with a shudder and Elissa kissed his cheek.

"Can I have some time to consider this?" Leila asked.

"Of course. We are leaving in three days, so if you could decide before then and arrange a meeting with Prince Vael, that would be wonderful." Elissa smiled.

"I will." Leila agreed.

"So, let us change the topic to something pleasant. How about cheese?" Alistair smirked.

"Oh, could you tell us about Ser Pounce A Lot? Anders told me you gave it to him?" Merrill asked.

"Well of course." Elissa smiled.

The next hour was spent exchanging various stories about times during the blight, Amaranthine and a whole range of other tales. Only the funny stories were brought up and they were laughing themselves to tears. Elissa and Alistair were enjoyable company and the banter between them was very entertaining. Eventually Hawke began asking to what Anders was like, when with the wardens. Some of the stories made Leila a little jealous, but Anders was constantly holding her hand or stroking her fondly. This calmed her worries and the devotion in his eyes made her feel truly special. She was the only one he had loved. So she began enjoying the stories and Elissa finally began telling the story of how they met.

"... So I run, following the darkspawns I can sense and right there is a mage, burning a half dozen hurlocks to a crisp. Then he turns around looking like a five year old caught red-handed with a cookie jar and his defence is 'I didn't do it'." Elissa laughed making a gesture trying to look like Anders.

They all laughed heartily at her gesture, as Anders just smirked and shrugged.

"Yes, just like that!" Elissa laughed and pointed at him.

"I would have loved to see it." Hawke laughed.

"That wasn't even the best part. Then the idiot informs me that he is a wanted apostate. Me? A stranger he has just met and with two dead templars lying behind him. So I thought; 'there was no way that someone that foolish could be dangerous.'" Elissa continued to laugh.

"What is wrong with being honest?" Anders asked with overly faked offense.

"You honest? Please Anders. You once started a rumour, that you were the lost son of the royal family in Neverra, so you could score with some of the nobles at the royal All Fool's ball." Elissa laughed.

Leila looked at Anders' with a questioning expression.

"All Fool's day is an Orlisian holiday, the Orlisians brought with them during the occupation. It never reached the Freemarches." Anders explained.

"Surprisingly it was one of the few things Orlisian that stuck." Alistair smiled.

"That's probably because it gave us the opportunity to make fun of the Orlisians." Hawke chuckled.

"Very clever answering a different question, than the one I wanted answered." Leila replied raising an eyebrow and Anders looked at her a little apologetic, as he shifted uncomfortably.

"You are in trouble Anders!" Hawke grinned.

"Not in the slightest." Anders smiled and kissed Leila on her cheek.

"If Oghren saw you now, he would fall of his chair." Elissa grinned.

"Ha! Oghren would have done that anyway, love." Alistair laughed.

"Very true. Still sparklefingers here, went from wanting a harem to devoted partner. Whatever you did to him Leila, it worked." Elissa smiled fondly.

"Sparklefingers? Oh, that one Varric has to hear!" Hawke laughed and Ander groaned.

"I didn't know you had another nickname, Anders?" Merrill smiled brightly.

They then heard Maia cry from upstairs. Anders got up and kissed Leila's cheek, before walking upstairs. He walked over to the crib and picked up Maia, who seemed distressed. He sat down on the bed with her and softly hummed for her to relax and she quickly calmed.

"It suits you." He heard Elissa's voice say and turned to look at her. She was carrying her son on her arm.

"Who would have thought it, huh?" He smiled.

"I never doubted it. It was always hidden beneath that exterior of yours, but now it seems to be plain for all to see... I thought maybe Duncan and Maia could enjoy each other's company." Elissa smiled.

"Alright." He replied.

He placed a soft blanket on the floor and sat down with Maia on one side, while Elissa and Duncan sat on the other. Anders could sense something from Duncan and softly touched him with his healing. It was the taint. He looked at Elissa who smiled a little sadly.

"Avernassus found a way to expand his lifespan, but he will still not become more than fifty years old. At least any children after him will live a little longer and so on. Still not something you wish to pass on to future generations." Elissa explained.

"No, I imagine so." Anders replied.

"I have the formula for the potion should you ever need it." She smiled kindly.

"I don't think that is necessary, when only one of us is carrying the taint." He replied stroking Maia's head.

"It is. Your child will carry the taint no matter, who you are with. It's like that with all children born of wardens. Granted it will not be as deeply founded as with Duncan, but it will always be there." She replied seriously.

Anders' blood turned cold and he looked at Maia. She was not carrying the taint in her blood and never had. But if she was his daughter, then she would have to be tainted. Either, Elissa and the wardens were wrong or Leila lied and Maia wasn't his daughter. He could feel his heart pounding in agony and fear running through him like a poison impairing his judgement. He felt his vision blur for a moment and for a moment feared he would pass out. He felt betrayed and deceived, as he felt fury burning in his veins. All of it directed at Leila. He reached for his amulet hugging it tightly in his hand, trying desperately to maintain his focus, despite the heartache.

"Anders, are you alright?" Elissa asked concerned.

"I'm fine... just tired I guess." He replied calmly, suppressing his emotions of betrayal further.

"You are so different... Tell me this. You are free, have taken this little girl to you and fallen in love with a kind and intelligent woman, who loves you in return. Why in the void are you so moody?" She asked seriously.

"Always so direct." Anders chuckled despite himself.

"I don't have time for beating around the bush with subtlety." She replied.

"I know what happened to Justice... He is not gone, Elissa." He replied and Elissa gave a sigh of relief.

"Then he is unharmed. Thank the Maker." She breathed.

"I'm not sure that is the right phrase. Let me explain..."

Anders told her about everything that had happened. Every gory detail and all the grief that had come as a result of their joining. He gave her their reasons for going down this path and she just sat there and listened intently. There was no emotion from her. Not compassion, pity, anger or fear. Just a plain face, as if he was talking about nothing more interesting than the weather. When he was done she looked at him and took his hand.

"I'm sorry my friends that I abandoned you both, when you apparently needed me the most. You are both strong and you need to keep that in mind, if you want to control it. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me." She said seriously.

"You don't think that I did something horrible?" He asked.

"You are not the first person I know to have been possessed by a spirit. Besides I have done far more horrible things and risked a lot more... and that was for personal gain alone. It is not my place to judge your actions." She replied calmly.


	56. Chapter 56 Faith in Justice

**Faith in Justice**

Later that evening, after Elissa and Alistair had left, Anders was prowling the bedroom like a rage possessed beast. The fact that Maia didn't have the taint was proof, that she was not his daughter, which meant the Leila had lied to him. Currently he had no idea which of these factors that hurt him the most. He was grinding his teeth and he felt Justice just below the surface, screaming in agony and rage over her betrayal. When she came in the door he walked towards it with hard steps and slammed the door. And he stared at her with his eyes flaring blue and his breath heavy. Maia began crying immediately.

"What the hell is wrong?" Leila exclaimed, angry that he had upset Maia and walked over to pick her up.

"Shh, it's alright my little darling. Father will calm down soon enough." Leila soothed into Maia's hair.

"**You lied to me!**" He roared with some of Justice's voice penetrating his own.

She looked at him as if he was insane, while shock and surprise was evident on her face.  
"About what if I may ask?" She replied coldly, not in the least intimidated by a sight that would make almost anyone in Thedas run for cover.

"**You said that I was her father!**" He growled.

She shook her head and looked at him with complete disbelief and even offense.

"You are her father. For fucks sake, how can you even suggest that she isn't yours?" Leila asked with anger and offense, stroking Maia.

"**You lie!**" Justice and Anders roared in unison.

"A warden child carries the taint in their blood and Maia isn't tainted." He said angrily, his eyes flaring and small cracks forming on his skin.

Leila looked confused for a moment, then relieved and then thoughtful. Like a wide range of emotions and thoughts were going through her at once. She said nothing, as she just seemed to be pondering something.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" He asked his voice full of anger, resentment and hurt.

"I think I can explain it, but it is not what you think. I did something long before Maia was conceived, that I never told you about. I think this is the reason she is not carrying the taint, but you are her father and there isn't any possibility of it being someone else." She said seriously.

He gave her a doubtful glare, but a part of him knew that she was telling the truth. She had never given him reason to doubt her before. He grabbed his amulet and closed his eyes. He opened his eyes, when he felt a soft hand stroking his cheek. He looked down into Leila's kind eyes and saw them slightly watering.

"Please believe me, love." She said pleadingly and he turned his head kissing her hand, before sighing.

She took his hand and led him to sit down on the bed. Leila used a few minutes to make Maia calm down and those had to be the longest in Anders' life. When Maia was finally starting to fall asleep, in her mother's arms, Leila looked at Anders and took a deep breath.

"Do you remember the night, where Hawke had denied Merrill the Dalish tool and I spend  
the night at her place?" She said softly.

"Yes... what happened? Did Isabella talk you into something?" He asked, his heart aching from jealousy.

"Of course not. I have never been unfaithful to you and even if it had been the case, this was long before Maia was conceived." She sighed with disappointment.

"I'm sorry... please, continue." He sighed.

"That night Merrill's mirror started to glow and I heard voices coming from it."

"Demons." Anders hissed.

"No... your voice. You were talking about how the circle is an injustice and about how you were going to make the world see that it was wrong. You said you would... give your life for it." She said seriously and looked at him.

He froze. Did she know what he had planned? Did that mirror show her the future? He swallowed and looked into her eyes. She sighed and then smiled sadly.

"I knew that you would. I never doubted that, but more happened that night. The mirror pulled me into it and I was stranded in another realm. It seemed cold, barren and bleak, but then I saw you... die. I saw Sebastian kill you." She said with a shaken voice and looked at him again.

Anders' heart ached. It was hardly surprising that Sebastian would kill him, when he would succeed in his plans. Anders killing the Grand Cleric in and explosion would probably send the chaste prince to the brink of insanity. He had expected Hawke to kill him, but Hawke considered him a brother, a trusted friend and shared his views. Perhaps Hawke would be one of the few, who would even understand.

"Oh, my love. I'm so sorry..." He began to comfort.

"There is more... Death approached me and I asked him to tell me how to prevent it. But according to Death, I could do nothing. If Sebastian didn't kill you, then someone would stab you in the back. Twice I saw you bleed to death in my arms." She said in the same shaken voice, stroking Maia's head softly.

"I love you. You have stood beside me even as I have given you every reason to turn away. Whatever happens, I want you to know that." He said softly, hoping than when the time came, this would lessen her pain.

"I love you, too. That is why I wanted him to show me how to stop it. He said that it could only be done by removing Justice from you, but then you would die from the taint within a few years. No matter what, it ended with you death. I told him I wouldn't accept it." She said seriously and walked over to put Maia in the crib.

"Love... what did you do?" He asked, his heart pounding from terror remembering Leandra's death.

"I told him to give me another path. A path that would not result in your death." She said seriously looking at him, readying herself for the verbal attack soon to be launched at her.

"What was the price?" He asked the terror slowly mixing with rage, which would result in an inferno at any moment. He would not be with a woman that sold another life for personal gain.

"Death told me that souls grow. We have several lifetimes and with each one we come closer to being bound by one virtue. Like Justice." She explained and he gaped.

"Spirits are the Makers first children, but if what you say is true..." Anders said clearly confused and shocked.

"You said that spirits consider themselves above us. Perhaps that is because some of them were us. I don't have all the answers, but I will give you those I have... Death told me that this would be my last lifetime. That after my next death, I would become a spirit of compassion." She replied looking at him.

"That explains a lot... Justice always thought of you differently than others... Oh, Maker... What did you do?" He asked suddenly horrified.

If you could turn into a spirit upon your death, which would have to mean you could also turn into a demon. The thought of her as a demon was sickening to the point of nausea.

"The price for saving you life was that my spirit would reincarnate for several more lifetimes. I postponed my... salvation I suppose, to save your life." She said softly looking at him with a sad expression.

He rubbed his face, his mind racing, while Justice was left paralyzed. Justice knew what she had given up on and he knew that she had deserved peace after so much pain. Anders stood up and just looked at her while shaking his head.

"Why? Why would you do such a thing?" He asked completely stunned.

"Several reasons. I want to change things for mages, but I need your help to do it. The mages need you, because you speak for them, when no one else bothers to. But the reason that drove me, was that I love you. I would risk anything for you and Maia." She said seriously.

He suddenly took steps quickly towards her and held her shoulders. He looked at her with a fearful expression and his breath was rapid. What else had she risked?

"You stupid girl. What else did you promise?" He asked almost angrily and she pushed him of her gently.

"I tried to save your life. I know you have your almighty principles, but you yourself said Death wasn't a demon. How is this different from you and Justice?" She replied offended.

"The difference is that I didn't have to sacrifice someone's **life!**" He spat.

"Someone's life... what do you mean?" She asked suddenly horrified.

"Leandra was killed as payment for Hawke bringing you here!" Anders replied, but as soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it.

Leila took herself to her chest and began breathing heavily. She lowered herself onto the floor and sat there with a blank stare. There were no tears, but only shock. Anders' heart ached and he cursed himself, before falling to his knees and gathering her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry love. I should never have told you. It wasn't your fault. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Please don't blame yourself." He chanted in a soft voice kissing her head over and over, as her body was limb in his embrace.  
They sat there for a while and he was getting truly worried about her lack of response, when she suddenly wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him.

"Poor Garrett... He will never forgive himself." She said softly and Anders gave a pained chuckle. Even in her own pain she thought of others. No wonder she would have been a spirit of compassion. She pulled away and looked at him seriously.

"I didn't bargain a life, only myself... Anders, Maia is part of the path that I needed to save you. I think that is why we had her despite the low odds and that must be the reason she doesn't carry the taint." She said softly looking up at him with hesitation.

Anders' mind and heart was in confusion. She had risked everything to save his life and in return given him the things that he desired the most for himself. Love, liberty and a family. She had picked up the banner of freedom for all and was going to extraordinary lengths to help his cause. She had married a man she did not love, given up on eternity in The Golden City, taken a position she did not want, she had defied the Knight-commander and personally sought out the Divine. She would truly do anything to keep him free and help his people. He had never known loyalty and devotion like this. The hesitant and cautious young woman he had met on a mountaintop almost three years ago and turned bold and courageous. Had he been the inspiration, that had ignited the passion inside her?  
_  
"Such spirit... Who could resist such passion? But it has been locked away and kept at bay by logic, compromises and duty. I can see your desires. You want to be released from your prison of obligation and let that passion roam freely. I can give you that. I can fulfill your desires... your longing to feel alive."_

Those were the words the desire demon had cooed in the fade, when she had first arrived. When they had sought out Death. In that moment the Desire demon had recognized the strength hidden within Leila. The power inside her, which was waiting to be released. Leila was able to bring about the change, that he thought no one but himself willing to reach for.

He pulled her close and crushed his lips against hers. Trying to show her with affection all the words, that were escaping him. She responded eagerly and wrapped her arms around his neck, before straddling him. Desperately trying to get as close to him as possible. When he pulled away for air, he looked into her eyes and stroked her hair.

"And here I always thought I was the one to protect you." He smiled.

"Shows what you know." She smiled and gave him a small kiss.

"I'm sorry that I shouted at you. About Justice I..." He began, but she kissed him again.

"It's alright. I understand." She said softly with a small smile, as her fingers ran through his hair.

"Your patience with me... I marvel everyday that you haven't thrown up your hands and left." He smiled at her.

"I love you." She smiled and embraced him.

"You are the one shining light in my life. Never blame yourself for what will happen." He said softly into her hair.

-OOO-

He knew it was foolish, but he had to do it. After what Leila told him there were so many questions that he needed the answers to. Dealing with the Carta was not something he was fond of. Especially since Leila almost died by their hands. But they were the only one who had what he needed. He walked into his old clinic in the dead of night and locked the door behind him. He caressed the back of the book. Luckily Hawke had not destroyed after Leandra's death. Justice roared in his mind, as the demonic energy was almost pouring from it, but he needed to know. They needed to know. He found the page he needed and began placing the lyrium in a bowl and heated it with his fire. When melted he prepared himself. This was this first time since Justice he would brave the fade alone. He was not sure if he would wake up from this or what could happen, but he needed to know. He felt the fade embrace him, as he collapsed in the trance like sleep.

Justice awoke in the fade. The feeling tantalizing to him and in so many ways he missed it. He did not allow his thoughts to linger. He came here with a purpose and he would not waver from that path. The fade changed before him and an old withered tree formed before him. He heard the sound of wood cracking and a rift opened in the tree. Out came the tall figure of Death, who made a movement of surprise as he saw him.

"Justice, this is unexpected. Your host has not died yet." Death said with surprise.

"The mortal told me of her dealings with you and I demand answers." Justice stated angrily.

"I always figured you would, if you ever found out. What do you wish to know?" Death sighed.

"Why did you let her enter a bargain for the life of a man, whose days are numbered? If we do not die in battle then the taint will claim him... he has become weaker since our joining. He won't resist it for long." Justice scolded.

"He is not weak because the taint is claiming it. He is feeling weak because his body is fighting it. As your presence sustained Kristoff's body for an unnatural period of time, so has it done the same for Anders. It is not the taint that will claim his life, but vengeance." Death explained calmly.

"I am not a demon of vengeance! I am Justice and I will seek justice be any means necessary!" Justice defended.

"And if it is not necessary?" Death challenged.  
Justice hesitated and Death walked closer to him, placing his bone hand on his shoulder.

"Don't forget who you are, Justice. You are righteous not malevolent. I gave Leila the path that could save you from being consumed by your agony and despair. Now it is up to you if you will follow it or not." Death said seriously, before turning to walk away.

"The child?" Justice asked vaguely.

"Is yours. Life and death is a cycle. To bring a life back from the dead requires another death, but saving a life, that has not yet passed, requires the creation of a new. As you shielded Anders, you shielded the child. That is why she does not carry the taint." Death replied before vanishing into the mist.

Anders awoke, his mind and heart feeling both relief and disquiet. His thoughts were racing and jumping from thought to thought. He could not clear them and had trouble understanding them fully. He needed rest, so he walked back to Hightown, feeling like nothing but a lost shadow of a man.

-OOO-

_Justice was sitting outside the keep looking up at the stars. The sky was so large and seemed to go on forever. It was dark and seemed to be pulling him in and yet admits all that darkness were small beautiful sources of light. Guiding people all over Thedas and bathing lovers in an amorous light. He turned his head and saw Anders approaching. Justice was still annoyed from their conversation earlier that evening._

_"I apologize, Justice. I didn't mean to suggest you would become a demon. "Anders began._

_"I should certainly hope not. " Justice replied, still clearly offended._

_"I just wondered what relation there is between spirits and demons. Demons are a worry to any mage. " Anders explained._

_"I do not know what makes demons as they are. Such evil angers me, but I do not understand it."Justice replied._

_"Well, I hope you never come to understand." Anders replied with sincerity._

_"I as well, mage. More than you could possibly know." Justice replied solemnly._

Justice awoke once again. His breathing heavy and his body covered in sweat. Why were these memories haunting him? He was not a demon. He refused to believe that he had turned into one, but then why was this tormenting him? He lay back down his heart beating painfully. In Kristoff's body, his emotions had been mere shadows of the real experience of them. In Anders' he could actually feel the physical ache, which went along with them. It was a torment unlike any he had ever known. He was often suppressed in Anders' subconscious, a part of him that guided his actions knowingly or not. It was not something Justice actively did, not like a demon. It was just something that was naturally occurring, as they shared everything. Perhaps this was just Anders' internal struggle. His hesitation about what needed to be done, but then why was it Justice, who awoke from these memories and not Anders? He turned on his side and studied the mortal lying next to him. Times beyond counting Justice had told Anders she was a distraction, no matter how fond the spirit was of her. Now, he found himself clouded in doubt. In the fade everything was so certain and divided. There was only good and evil, not this concoction of both. It was like a maze to him and he found it impossible to navigate through it. He studied her face closely. She had achieved things, which even he had thought was beyond reach. She was free and used her freedom to free those who remained oppressed. She had nothing to gain from it and was willing to sacrifice everything for doing what was right. What was just. What if she wasn't a distraction leading him away from his path, but rather the compass he had been lacking for so long? Anders and Justice had both struggled with the moral implications of their plans. But they would have justice done, even if it meant Anders' death. So had she become his moral compass or his distraction from righteousness? Was she the compassionate spirit, Justice had seen her as, or the desire demon that had haunted Anders? He stroked her face lovingly as she slept and was reminded of words he had once spoken to Elissa.

_"A world so full of beauty, that beauty goes overlooked."_

He had overlooked it for so long. Ever since joining with Anders, he had been blind to it and was left only with pain and suffering. He had been surrounded by darkness and he began to wonder if this darkness had clouded his judgement. He felt that he finally understood what Anders meant, when he had called her the light of his life. He could feel the desires running through his body, filling him with emotions beyond pain. Could he heed these desires without falling prey to their allure? What was he if not a seeker of justice? A healer? A father? A husband? He had envied Kirstoff and Aura for their love. But that was what a demon felt... envy for something it could not have. But this... desire. Was that something he could have?

"Leila?" He said softly stroking her cheek.

"Justice..." She mumbled half asleep and he felt his heart swell. Anyone else would have awoken with fear, yet she did not. She remained calm, despite his presence.

"I have been thinking... If I desire the same as Anders, would that be... wrong?" He asked hesitantly.

At this question she awoke fully and propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him.

"In a union we share what we have. The concept of what is 'yours' and 'mine' no longer exists. So no, it's not wrong." She said softly.

"Even if it should be y... another person?" He asked carefully and she smiled at him.  
She leaned over and rested herself on his chest.

"I realised something, when I heard Elissa talk about you earlier. You are more present, than any of us realised. There are words spoken from Anders, I hear as coming from the part that is you, Justice. I don't think either of you are ever separated. You might manifest yourself differently, but you are always present in some way. To me you are two halves of the same person. The person I choose to love." She said softly touching the amulet around his neck. He smiled softly at her and saw her desperately trying to suppress a yawn.

"You are tired. I apologize, I should not have woken you." He replied stroking her cheek.

"You can always wake me if you need to talk. That's what I am here for." She smiled and kissed him, before resting on his chest and falling asleep.

Her warmth was soothing and calming. Almost as the song that he heard from lyrium. Leila had said that he should choose between his desires, but how could he? Could he choose his desire for her and have faith that justice would be done, by allowing himself to follow her path?

-OOO-

Leila just arrived home from the meeting with Sebastian, Elissa and Alistair. They had been able to make a treaty between them, that benefitted all of them and it brought a lot of security to the Freemarches and Ferelden. As for the engagement between Duncan and Maia, Leila had, after discussing it with Anders, agreed. The arrangement was strictly for appearances and there would be no written agreement. Both the children would be free to choose their partners. Leila was tired and couldn't wait for a bath. Merrill and Hawke were not at home, since Merrill needed to go to Sundermount for some reason. Anders had brought Maia with him to the new clinic. Therefore Leila was surprised, when she walked into their bedroom and saw Anders kneeling in front of the fire. She realised the paper that was in the fire.

"Did Hawke burn your manifesto again?" She asked.

"Hello love. No, this is something else." He smiled and threw another bunch of papers into the fire.

Leila picked up one of the pages and looked at him almost horrified.

"This is your research!" She exclaimed.

"I know." He replied calmly.

"You have been working on this for over a year. Why are you burning it?" She asked with almost horrified wonderment.

"It was not the right direction and it is too dangerous to have around." He sighed and stood up.

He took the page from her hand and threw it into the fire, before pulling her close and kissed her deeply. There was a longing and tenderness to the kiss that surprised her. He pulled her closer to him and his tongue lightly caressed her lips. She parted her lips instantly and leaned into him, while giving a low moan. His hand found its way to her hair and released it, before gently holding her loose hair in his hand. He turned her head slightly and kissed her jawline and further down her neck. He kissed his way up again and claimed her lips again. Breathless, he pulled away and rested his forehead against her, sighing with relief.

"I love you." He said in a low voice.

"I love you too." She smiled her eyes closed and feeling his breath on her face.

"Marry me." He said with a smile.

"Are you serious?" She asked looking up at him with a bright smile, hardly believing what she was hearing.

"Yes. What do you say? Are you willing to risk your reputation and marry a mage with nothing to his name? Who has nothing but love to offer you?" He smirked.

"Yes... I am willing to show the world that mages are our equals and deserve to marry and be loved." She smiled and he crushed his lips against hers.

When he pulled away he reached into his pouch and pulled out the ring. He took her hand and placed the ring on her finger. She was in awe, when she saw it and studied the details carefully.

"It's beautiful." She smiled.

"Yes, Leandra gave it to me before she died. It was her mother's engagement ring and she wanted me to give it to you, when I proposed." He smiled.

"That was very thoughtful of her... I miss her..." Leila said in a low voice and a tear fell. He took her gently by her chin and made her look at him, before kissing away her tears.

"I have one question though." She smiled.

"And what is that?" He asked beginning to kiss her neck.

"If you have had it since then, then what the hell took you so long?" She chuckled and pushed him gently.

He just grinned and claimed her lips, while slowly beginning to undress her.

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-_

_I know these chapters were a little cruel. I hope you enjoyed them all the same:)_


	57. Chapter 57 Spellbound

Spellbound

A several weeks pasted and finally the news of the Viscountess engaging herself to a mage was starting to spread like a wildfire. The opinions were widely divided. The nobles, who had mage children, called this a natural progression, but were still dissatisfied by the fact that Anders wasn't a noble. Varric had spread rumours around town that Anders was intimately connected to the Royal family of Ferelden and it was through his influence that a treaty had been made. That was partly true. This had appeased many of the nobles, who were expecting both financial and social gain from this treaty. The mages had for the most part been ecstatic, the underground especially, who hoped Anders' influence would benefit them even further. Then there were those who believed him to only be interested in his own safety. They had no idea, what he had been willing to do in order to set them free. Then there were of course the rumours, that Anders should have taken hold of Leila by using bloodmagic. Of course these accusations were not given publicly. The Divine herself had after all given him permission to live outside the circle and no one wanted to challenge her decision. Something that Meredith had herself researched if it was true, according to Thrask.

The Lord Seeker of the Chantry in Orlais had recently died from a sweating sickness of unknown origin. A knew Lord Seeker had been appointed and just happened to be Lord Seeker Lambert, that Anders and Leila met in Orlias. Apparently he was already going over a lot of information from the different circles. He was apparently trying to get an idea how likely a mage rebellion would be.

In Kirkwall things were not deteriorating, but neither were they getting any better. Leila had made a lot of changes, but she did not have control over the circle itself and Meredith and some of her templars were as relentless as ever. The Knight-commander had become more reclusive and paranoid. Even her own templars was starting to think her mad and according to Sebastian, The Gran Cleric was beginning to have her worries as well. Unfortunately her Grace still insisted on being neutral in the conflict. Leila could accept that Elthina did not wish to take sides in regards to the templars and mages, but that she was ignoring to reprimand and make sure those under her jurisdiction didn't abuse their power, was unacceptable. Leila could of course appeal to the Divine, but she did not want to rely on her Holiness. Leila was the leader of this city and she could not run crying like a child to others at every obstacle.

Elissa and Alistair had left the city over two months ago. Elissa had sworn she would use any contact she could think of to find out who was behind the attack on Leila. Leila was grateful for this. The sooner she had a confirmation about who wanted her dead, the sooner could she act. Anders, Fenris and Hawke had been watching over her vigorously and it was starting to annoy her. She had trained with her bow and Sebastian and Varric were both praising her for her progress. She had tried to refresh some of her martial arts training and had been sparring with Isabella. Between her duties as Viscountess, being a mother and her training she had little time for anything else. This of course also meant that the wedding between her and Anders didn't even have a date yet. Time past quickly and before she knew it, Leila's third birthday in Thedas was upon her. Not that she noticed sitting in her office, her table filled with petitions and reports. She was startled when door was violently opened as Meredith entered and slammed it behind her. The woman's cold eyes starred at Leila, clearly trying to intimidate her. Her nostrils were flaring and she had a deranged look about her. No wonder that there were rumours about her being insane.

"Well come in Knight-commander." Leila responded almost cheerfully, not giving Meredith the satisfaction of seeing how she was shaking on the inside, from this abrupt interruption.

"I have heard of your plans to marry that mage!" Meredith spat.

"And you came here to congratulate me in person. How thoughtful." Leila smiled, but the sarcasm evident.

"I will not allow this! It is against Chantry law and it is against the will of the Maker. This union will never take place. The supposed leader and an apostate. You can't possibly be that blind to what influence that man has over you." Meredith scoffed.

"The Divine has granted Anders permission to marry, if he should so wish and he is by her Holiness own words not to be regarded as an apostate. Or do you question the decision of the Divine?" Leila challenged.

Meredith just gave an annoyed glare as responds.

"Further more, you do not get to decide over my personal life, Knight-commander." Leila said calmly, but firmly.

Meredith gave a sigh and for a moment looked at Leila with genuine concern. It was times like this Leila regretted this strained relationship between them. Meredith was not a cruel person, but just misguided. An opinion that even Anders agreed with.

"Don't you understand that he is manipulating you and only trying to achieve his own goal? And do not believe me ignorant to the Champion and his bloodmagic. They are using you and by extension endangering the people of this city." Meredith said with a concerned voice.

"Would it ease your mind Knight-commander, to have me examined to confirm that I am not under the influence of bloodmagic?" Leila asked with a sigh.

"It would prudent, considering the circumstances." Meredith replied.

"As you wish. I suggest we get it over with immediately." Leila sighed and stood up.

"A wise decision." Meredith nodded almost pleased.

They walked out the office and Leila turned to Seneschal Bran.

"Seneschal, I am to go to the Gallows and to confirm my word that I am indeed not under the thrall of bloodmagic. If anyone should mention this, the official statement is that this is a decision made by me to prove to those who doubt me, that what I say is true." Leila explained.

"Are you sure this is wise?" Bran asked hesitantly.

"I am. I will bring the Guard Captain with me, but I do not think I will be able to return today." Leila explained.

"As you wish, Your Excellency." Bran replied.

Leila convinced Aveline to accompany her. Fenris was of duty, since he was meeting his lost sister at the Hanged Man that afternoon with Hawke. Her thoughts were with him and she hoped that he finally got some connection to his past. She knew all too well the pain of having a life that you had left behind. Though after all these years, her life on earth seemed like nothing but a dream and a distant memory. As they were walking towards the docks, Aveline walked closer to Leila.

"I don't like this, Leila." She said in a low voice.

"Neither do I, but what choice do I have. If I denied it would only give people more reason to believe I am being manipulated. If I had them drag me it would seem as if I have surrendered to them. By willingly and even suggesting this, I will let people know that I am positive that I am not under anyone's thrall." Leila explained in the same low voice.

"Or they could think that you believe yourself to be under that influence." Aveline noted.

"I know, which is why I made sure there was a public statement and not to keep this under wraps. I just hope it is enough." Leila sighed and Aveline nodded with understanding.

When Leila arrived in the Gallows, she realised that there was not a single mage in the courtyard. Meredith had become harsher. All the mages were locked in their cells and not even allowed out in the courtyard. They might have gotten a little freedom by joining the guard and hospital, but it was clear to see that they were paying for this in other areas. Leila felt her heart grow heavy. It seemed that she was constantly working against the current and she doubted that her initiative would prevent the mages from uprising. Not without a knight-commander willing to adapt to the changes. Alistair had expressed interest in applying the same rules and options for mages in Ferelden, but since Kinlock Hold was located so far from Denerim, it proved difficult. Also Kirkwall was the testing ground for these freedoms. It needed to prove a success there before it was expanded to other countries.

Leila was let through the Gallows with Aveline beside her. She was grateful that Aveline was with her, in case Meredith should try anything. Not because Leila could not handle the Knight-commander's foul moods, but because she would have a witness to what happened here today. Having the Captain of the Guard as a witness would prevent Meredith from spinning any story she wished. Passing the Knight-commander's office they met both Cullen and Orsino, who was surprised to see her there. It seemed that even the First-Enchanter had lost his right to exit the interior of the Gallows. This was turning into a prison where all the prisoners were in solitary confinement. Like murderers and child molesters, that either exposed a danger to the other prisoners or was in danger from their inmates. But these people's only crime was being born with a unique talent. In Leila's mind this would be like locking up every scientists, because some of them conducted dangerous experiments. It was ethically repulsive and Leila felt her stomach turn from disgust and anger.

They were let to a room, where Orsino would conduct the test. Leila was placed in a chair and Aveline, Cullen, Meredith, a tranquil and several templars were present. Leila felt as if she was on trail and in a way she supposed she was. But she was convinced... she knew that she was innocent. Granted not all mages meant well, but those she saw on a daily basis would never harm her. First Orsino asked the female tranquil to look for any marks associated with bloodmagic. The men present, left the room for this part of the examination. Leila wondered if Jeanne D'arc had felt something similar, when she was examined to see if her virginity was still intact. Leila could feel her body shiver uncomfortably, but did nothing to show it. The tranquil, named Elsa, found nothing and Leila was allowed to redress. The men entered the room once more and the first test was made by Orsino, who casted a spell through her. Leila jumped slightly in surprise, but felt nothing. Orsino smiled kindly.

"Forgive me, your Excellency. I promise I will not harm you. I was merely confirming that you are not possessed. Though, why we need to administer these tests are beyond me." He sneered the last part looking at Meredith.

"Just do as you are asked, First-Enchanter." Meredith replied coldly.

Leila looked at Cullen, who looked surprisingly uncomfortable. His eyes were filled with doubt and hesitation. If even he was beginning to question her, then things really needed to be bad. Orsino conducted several other tests, being extremely thorough at Meredith's behest. When done Orsino smiled kindly at Leila.

"I apologize for this, Your Excellency. You are not influenced by bloogmagic or a demon." Orsino stated almost cheerfully.

"That cannot be right! Do the tests again!" Meredith demanded.

"To what end, Knight-commander? Do you wish me to continue these tests for an eternity, because we do not find what you wish for?" Orsino replied sternly.

"Do the tests again or I will find someone else, who is more competent for the task." Meredith spat.

"I have done as you requested, Knight-commander and I am here on my own terms not yours. It has been confirmed that I am not being controlled and I will not subject to anymore tests." Leila replied standing up.

"I will do as many tests as I see fit!" Meredith insisted.

"I am leaving now, Knight-commander." Leila replied coldly and walked towards the door.  
Meredith grabbed her arm painfully tight.

"You are going nowhere until I say so." Meredith growled.  
Aveline walked up next to Leila and looked at Meredith.

"Release the Viscountess, Knight-commander. You have no just cause to hold her." Aveline insisted.

"I have every reason to hold her. Her decisions clearly suggest the influence of bloodmagic. She is weak!" Meredith hissed.  
Cullen walked up next to her.

"She is not possessed or under the influence of a malificar. We cannot hold her here against her will." Cullen reminded her and this earned him a scowl.

"Thank you for your kind treatment of me, First-Enchanter. Now, you **will** excuse me, Meredith, I have other matters to attend to." Leila said firmly and pulled her arm out of Meredith's firm grasp.

Leila walked out the Gallows with Aveline right next to her. At the Gallows docks, Leila took a deep breath of relief, as she felt herself trembling from anger. She was grateful she was able to control her temper otherwise things would go very badly. She rubbed her arm, where Meredith had grabbed her. Aveline walked up next to her and pulled up her sleeve.

"It's going to leave a mark. If things like this continue to happen, the city will not be stable for much longer." Aveline said sadly.

"I know... Well, it's a good thing I have my own personal healer." Leila gave a sad smile.

"Indeed, but perhaps you should avoid telling him about this. He is not the most stable person. I keep expecting him to go out with a blaze." Aveline said seriously.

"I don't see how I can hide this from him. I just hope he doesn't do anything impulsive." Leila replied with a smile.

"The worst part is that you seem almost fond of him being impulsive." Aveline shook her head and Leila chuckled.

"Perhaps I am. It takes courage to be impulsive. On some level I admire it." Leila smiled and they walked onto the boat leading them back to the docks.

-OOO-

Anders was sitting on the flat roof of the Amell Estate. There was a staircase that led up there and Merrill and Leila had talked about making a garden up there. Anders kind of liked the idea, as it had a good view. If you liked the scenery of Hightown of course. He was sitting with Maia on his lap and looked towards the Chantry. Maia reminded him of why he had given up on his plans to blow up the Chantry, but somewhere in his heart he truly hoped he had made the right decision. He liked sitting up there. It gave him some privacy and peace. It also gave him the ability to see if Leila was approaching the estate. He was surprised, when he finally saw her and Aveline, but they were coming from the rose district and not from the keep. He knew she hadn't been to the Rose, which meant she would have had to come from the docks. But what was she doing at the docks? He instantly figured that she had more likely gone to the Gallows and feared what scheme Meredith had tried to pull this time. He walked down stairs and greeted her at the upstairs of the living room. She kissed Maia and then him. She looked tired. She was always tired. She was burning her candle at both ends and that was a feeling he knew all too well.

"So why were you at the Gallows?" He asked as they entered their bedroom and placed Maia on the floor. She made a deep sigh and he could tell that she didn't want to tell him.

"Meredith accused you and Hawke of using bloodmagic to control my mind." She said sadly removing her cloak and boots.

"Of course she did." He hissed. "What did you tell her?"

"That you didn't. I even suggested that she tested me for it, so that there could be no doubt in the matter. Needless to say she was less than pleased, when the test showed that I wasn't." She sighed, but smiled as she felt his arms around her waist.

"You brought Aveline with you I take it?" He asked softly, with concern.

"Yes, I needed a reliable witness so Meredith couldn't create some story... I'm afraid, Anders. I don't know if a conflict can be avoided with her still in control." She said softly.

"Then perhaps you should remove her. Kick her and the templars out." He replied.

"I must admit the thought has occurred to me..." She said softly.  
He stroked her arms and she winched. Noticing her pain he turned her around and lifted her sleeve. The sleeve revealed half of a deep purple handprint on her arm.

"Maker! What happened, love?... **What did she do to you?**" He and Justice said the last part in unison, while removing her shirt so he could heal it.

"Meredith just got emotional, that's all. I was never in any danger." She said softly stroking his cheek, while he healed her.

"Anders?" She said softly.

"Yes, love?" He replied still focusing on his task.

"If something happens I want you to take Maia and run." She said seriously.

"No, absolutely not!" He refused heatedly.

"The last Viscount that tried to do something drastic was imprisoned and killed by Elthina and Meredith. You know this. I don't want them to get to you or Maia." She explained seriously.

"No, you can't ask that of me. You know it would kill me to lose you. I will never leave you behind. When you take your last breath, mine will follow just after." He said almost pleadingly and her expression softened.

"Look at Maia. She deserves to live and she needs you more than she does me." She said softly.

"No, that's not true." He dismissed.

"Yes it is. You can protect her far better than I can and if she is a mage, she will need you. If I am alone with her, I will have no choice, but to turn her into the circle, because I can't teach her."

His responds was to crush his lips to her. The kiss was a desperate plea, a prayer and an echo from his haunted past. He held her close to him, in this moment intending never to let go of her. In a way she was right, but he refused to acknowledge it. If something where to happen to her, he would do anything in his power to save her. He would never abandon her.

"I love you." He breathed against her lips, unable to promise her what she was asking. She sighed and rested her head against his chest.

-OOO-

It was Leila's birthday and Anders had insisted that she took the day off. She hadn't relaxed a single day since they had returned from Orlais and he knew she needed it. There was a certain irony to the situation, since times beyond counting she had been worried about him working too hard. Anders was getting everything ready for their departure for the day, when Bodahn gave him a letter addressed to him. He opened it immediately and hurried to finish his preparations. He hadn't told Leila where they were going, but they had agreed to get out of Kirkwall and just enjoy time together as a family. After saddling the horses, they began their journey out of Kirkwall. It didn't take long for Leila to realize they were heading for the wounded coast. Anders led them down the coastline and to a secluded area of the beach, surrounded by cliffs. A place where they could go unnoticed. This reminded her of her first birthday in Thedas, but this was much more private. She smiled, when she saw a large blanket lying on the beach. On it was lots of pillows, fresh fruit and other delicacies.

"When did you do all this?" She asked with a smile.

"Hawke and Merrill, did this for me. They will be joining us a little later." Anders smiled.

"Good... Merrill has not been the same since the keeper died..." Leila said a little sadly.

"It was pure luck that Hawke didn't have to kill the entire clan. I tried to warn her about that mirror." He said through grinded teeth.

"Anders, please don't lecture her. She is heartbroken enough as it is." She said softly sitting down on the blanket with Maia.

"Love, she has to understand that..." He began sitting down next to her, but she put a hand to his mouth.

"Think about how you would have felt if Fenris had lectured you, after what happened with Ella. Don't be as bitter and arrogant as that... please." She said softly looking into his warm eyes and he sighed in defeat with a smile.

"Maker woman, I just can't win an argument against you." He chuckled and gave her a small kiss.

"You probably could, if you set your mind to it." She replied fondly.  
Anders' expression turned serious and he handed her the letter he received earlier. Leila looked at it briefly and then gave Anders a confused look.

"Who is Zevran?"

"He is a former member of the crows. He helped Elissa stop the blight and they have been close friends ever since. He has information about who made a contract on your life and is going to meet us in three days. I'm going to make sure those bastards never get a change to hurt you again." He swore and she gave him a kiss, before lying down and enjoying the sunlight on her skin.

He lay down next to her and she cuddle up to him, as close as she could with Maia sitting between them. Leila chuckled lightly as Maia grabbed hold of her father's nose. In responds he tickled her lightly and she let go, while giggling.

"That should teach you not to mess with a mage or your father." He said fondly.

"When we will be able to tell if she is a mage?" Leila asked stroking Maia's cheek.

"It might be many years. Some discover their powers as young as five years old, others not until they become teenagers... I swear I am not going to let anyone take her from us, love." He replied pulling both of them into his embrace.

_- OOO - Author's note - OOO - _

_This story had just reached 400 pages, making it twice the length of anything else I have written. Thank you so much for continuing to read this long tale. It means a great deal to me._


	58. Chapter 58 Hidden

Hidden

The creature came towards her, its eight legs moving at incredible speed. The blood was drumming in her ears and the adrenalin in her veins was burning like acid, her instincts telling her to flee at the sight of the giant arachnid. Yet she kept completely still and released the arrow into one of the creatures many eyes. One arrow followed the next, as the creature wrenched in pain before finally collapsing. She turned and saw a black one coming towards her. She aimed and shot as the creature paused and only as her arrow released, did she realise the creature was spitting venom at her. She hissed in pain, as the venom burned in her eyes. It felt as if the poison was making her eyes completely dry and she blinked vigorously hoping for tears to form. She felt a cool sensation on her eyes and her vision, though blurry, returned. She would have to thank Anders after. Almost with a lust for vengeance she attacked the beast again. As she kept releasing arrows as it came closer. She backed as she sent the arrows flying towards the creature until she felt the wall at her back. She reached into her quiver and realised it was empty. Leaning against the wall she lifted her legs keeping the beast at a distance. She kicked it hard and broke one of the fangs. It hissed in agony. Leila whistled and Ebony charged towards the creature, jumping onto its back and sinking his teeth into its neck. In respond the spider pushed itself upward to shake Ebony off, but Leila pulled her dagger and sank it into its throat. The spider fell to the ground. She heard the cave beginning to shake and the thought of a cave in crossed her mind. In the last possible moment she moved, but held in a cry of pain, as she felt her foot getting crushed. She fell to the ground and saw the large rock now trapping her foot. She looked to the others trying to defeat the enormous creature, Leila recognized as a Var'tarrel. The Dalish lesson with Merrill had paid off. Ebony stayed at her side, but it seemed that all of the spiders had been defeated. The giant spiderlike creature fell to the ground. Anders turned to look at her and his face instantly turned to one of horror. He ran towards her and fell to his knees beside her.

"Lie still, love. We will get you out of this." He said concerned looking at the giant rock.

"I never doubted it." She replied, before wrenching and panting in pain. Anders gently stroked her face with one hand, as the other send a pulse of healing magic down her leg to dull the pain.

"Are you alright there, Sunshine?" Varric asked walking towards her with Hawke and Fenris right behind him.

"Not really." She replied with a pained chuckle.

"We need to remove the rock."Fenris stated calmly, looking at the heavy rock, which was about half the size of Leila.

"I've got it." Hawke replied and summoned roots that lifted the rock of her gently.  
Anders lifted her up and placed her on the rock after Hawke had lowered it. He then, as gently as possible, removed her boot. He gave her an apologetic look as she hissed in pain.

"It's broken. I can heal it, but you can't walk on it for the next few days." Anders said as he began to heal her.

"Then how am I going to get back to Kirkwall?" She sighed.

"I guess I will have to carry you." Anders smiled and she groaned with disapproval.

"I **hate** being helpless!" She grumbled.

"From the looks of those spiders, I am not sure helpless is the right word." Hawke chuckled.

"He is right, you have improved." Fenris replied.

"I still got my ass kicked. By a dead object none the less." She chuckled.

"Hey, that happens to the best of us." Varric smiled.

"Sure, but you are usually drunk." She smirked.

"Aaah, and you came after all." They heard a male voice with a foreign accent say from behind them.

They turned to see an elf in a green armour, with tanned skin, a tattoo on his face and blonde long hair walking towards them. He had a smiled on his face as he approached and when he looked at Leila's leg, he made clucking sounds.

"Oh I am sorry for that. I had no intension of seeing a beauty such as you harmed." He said flirtatiously and Leila had to chuckle as Anders' rolled his eyes looking up at her with a smile.

"I am sure you have your sneaky ways, to make things look like an accident." Leila jested.

"Oh, you have no idea how sneaky I can be, my dear. Your reputation says you are beautiful, merciful, cunning and I would be glad to get to know you better, Your Excellency." The elf smirked.

"Is there more to know about you? Seems it's all right there on the surface." Anders replied firmly with jealousy burning in his eyes and Leila chuckled before kissing his brow.

"Oh I see, fair enough then." The elf chuckled.

"You are Elissa's contact I take it?" Hawke replied.

"Yes, I am Zevran Arainai. Adventurer and occasional assassin." Zevran Introduced himself with a bow.

"But not the one trying to assassinate me... hopefully." Leila replied with a smile.

"No, killing my friend's allies tends to be bad for business. And if I were it would not be until we knew each other a little better." Zevran winked.

"Do you know who is trying to have her killed?" Anders asked, trying to ignore his jealousy.

"Ah, yes. It seems there are two contracts on the Viscountess. One from the templar order here in Kirkwall and the other from the seeker order in Val Royeaux. I took some doing, but according to my information, one is ordered by a Ser Karass, but it is unknown if Meredith knows of this or not. The other, supposedly by the newly appointed Lord Seeker Lambert." Zevran explained.

"Wonderful..." Leila sighed sarcastically. "Do we have any proof?" She then asked.

"I have some letters, but they do not implicate these particular people of course." Zevran replied.

"Figures." Anders grumbled.

"Then we will get it." Hawke countered with determination.

"How?" Leila asked eyeing him suspiciously.

"The less you know the better." Hawke grinned and Leila sighed with a smile.

"I like the way you think. Elissa asked me to stay until we could once again assure your safety, dear lady Amell. She hoped my contacts and services would be of use." Zevran replied.

"We should get back to Kirkwall then. The longer we linger here the more suspicions will arise." Fenris pointed out.

"Why did we have to meet you in this place anyway and why make it so obvious that you were hiding here?" Varric asked.

"I have a little trouble with a former associate of mine called Nuncio, I was actually hoping you might offer me some assistance in getting rid of him." Zevran smiled.

"Adventure! Ah, it is days like this where it is glorious to be a Hawke." Garrett grinned.

"Speak for yourself." Leila grumbled with a smile.

"You can go on your "adventure" then, I'll get Leila back to Kirkwall." Anders replied and helped Leila to her feet.

"Alright, we are off then. See you two later." Hawke smiled and walked out of the cave, with Zevran, Fenris and Varric.  
Leila started limping forward, when Anders stopped her.

"Let me." He said softly and was about to lift her.

"No, I am not an invalid." Leila insisted.

"Stubborn woman! Will you lean on me at least?" He grumbled and with a groan she agreed. She really hated being helpless.

-OOO-

Anders was not fond of the idea of sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night. It made him feel as an adulterer and reminded him to much of his escapades in the Circle. But Hawke had insisted that Leila could know nothing about this, so he left a note saying he had gone to see a patient. How he hated lying. After everything with her deal with death, his knowledge of Leandra's death and his plan to destroy the chantry, it seemed like there had been enough lies and hidden secrets between them. Yet, he trusted Hawke and knew that whatever he did was with intensions of protecting Leila. He met Hawke in the hallway, who gestured him to be quiet. Apparently he was not the only one sneaking out of his lover's bed. They walked down through the basement and not before long they were at Anders' old clinic. He was about to unlock it, when he realised it had already been picked. He looked at Hawke who chuckled and Anders groaned knowingly. They walked into the clinic and saw Varric, Isabella, Zevran and Clive (Anders' friend from the mage underground) sitting around the table sharing a bottle of wine.

"Anders!" Clive said cheerfully, which surprised Anders.

Since leaving the underground they had not been on the best terms. But Hawke had asked for Anders to bring one of his contacts tonight, so he had contacted Clive. Perhaps he thought Anders would rejoin the underground. Part of him longing to do so, while the other part was still terrified. They walked over to the table and sat down. After taking a large gulp of wine, directly from the bottle, Hawke began.

"Alright, I know Meredith is trying to get rid of Leila and I am not going to let that happen. But we need proof." Hawke explained.

"Everything the Viscountess have done this far has only made Meredith worse. She is tormenting the circle mages. Punishing them for aiding the city." Clive stated.

"She has done more for mages than any other leader." Anders snapped.

"Easy, Blondie. If Leila is removed, Meredith will take over the city and I like to keep Kirkwall intact." Varric replied.

"For all the good it does us. What do I care if Kirkwall burns?" Clive said with his arms crossed.

"Hey, at least we get to do something exciting. You can't say no to that." Isabella purred and Clive chuckled.

"Leila is the best chance we have got. So are you in or out?" Hawke asked seriously looking at Clive.  
Clive turned to look directly into Anders' eyes.

"Do you truly believe she can do this? And not just because you are shagging her." Clive inquired dead seriously.

"Yes, I believe she can." Anders said honestly and Clive sighed.

"What do you want of me?" He asked leaning back into his chair.

"I need to find a way into the Gallows, but I was hoping you had more of those nifty secret entrances." Hawke smiled.

"And if we help some mages escape, then the Knight-commander will not suspect the real reason." Zevran added.

"Hey, this elf got some nice ideas." Varric chuckled.

"Varric, Zevran, Isabella and I are going to break in there, Clive you are going to provide the information we need to get in and the details on the mages you want out. Anders, you and Leila will have to be somewhere publicly at the time, so Meredith can't claim that it was either of you. And Leila is not to be told. I want her to be able to tell the truth that she doesn't know about this. Got it?" Hawke asked and they all nodded.

-OOO- Three days later -OOO-

Until now everything had worked. Hawke, Isabella, Varric and Zevran were almost crawling through the tunnels underneath the Gallows. It felt strange doing something like this without Anders, but Hawke did not want to risk another incident with Justice. He knew this was going to be hard. Since the incident with Ser Alrik, the templars had more patrols in the corridors and if they were caught, he would be imprisoned. Champion or not. Thankfully he had three rogues with him. Diversions, distractions and subtlety being their strength, he hoped he would make up for his lack of these thing. Merrill had taught him this spell the Keepers used. It allowed you to teleport from one place to another. He thanked both the Creators and Maker for that spell, as it was likely to save his hide tonight. And sure enough, they had only just entered the Gallows, when he almost bumped into a, luckily absentminded, templar. The circles in Thedas were notorious for their midnight rendezvous, but here there was not a single one. It really had gotten worse. Everyone was locked in their cell, being punished for Leila's well-meant initiatives. This had to stop. For the briefest moment he heard the faint whispers of the ragedemon. Why that damned creature kept persisting he would never know. It had been haunting him since his father died ten years ago and during that time he had not even been remotely tempted. They snuck around the corridors and so far they had no trouble. Now came the tricky part. Getting into Meredith's office. Three templars were guarding the hallway leading to Meredith's office. Hawke made one of them fall asleep, as Isabella walked forward to "entertain" one of them. Isabella passed him and with her charms and lines picked up at the rose, easily convinced the eager templar to follow her. After all there were two others on duty. Zevran snuck through the shadows, once Isabella had gone and made distractions, that made the last templar follow him. Hawke and Varric hurried to the door and Varric picked the lock. Inside they went through every book, shelf and drawer only to find absolutely nothing. So much for ease.

"Great, what now?" Hawke asked looking at his friend.

"Well, if I had written this, there would be a vault somewhere." Varric mused and started looking behind the bookshelves.

After looking behind every painting Hawke kicked the Knight-commanders desk in frustration. He stopped when he heard a hollow sound. With a fist he knocked along the side of the desk until he found a hollow space.

"Varric, I found something." Hawke said and knocked again.

"Good, we don't have much time left." Varrid hurried and walked to the desk.

"Bad news, Hawke. There is no lock on this one. It's a puzzle of some kind." Varric sighed.

"Damn it! Why do I always run into puzzles?" Hawke groaned and began solving the puzzle.

He tried different combinations, by twisting the carved symbols and turning the table's legs. Finally a secret drawer opened and Hawke gave a sigh of relief. He pulled out the documents and divided them among him and Varric to look through them. Hawke was the first to find something.

"Here. This is a letter like the one Zevran found from Ser Karrass. It's unspecific, but it does place Leila as being the target. Unfortunately Meredith's name is not on it. Unless it is found in this office by someone official, we have nothing to implicate her." Hawke sighed with frustration.

"She might be a zealot, but she isn't stupid... Great ancestors!" Varric gasped.

"What is the matter?" Hawke asked looking at Varric's pale face.

"I just found out who bought the cursed idol, Bartrand brought back from the deeproads." Varric replied seriously and hand him the document.

"That's all we need. Meredith with an idol that will make you go insane... We have to find it." Hawke replied seriously.

"Don't you think breaking into the Knight-commanders bedroom, while she is in there is a bit... reckless?" Varric replied with widened eyes.

"Come on Varric. You like a challenge!" Hawke grinned.

"Sure, but I am also quite fond of my head. Not ready to lose it just yet." Varric smirked.

They heard a noise coming from outside and quickly gathered the papers and close the drawer. Varric discretely peeked out the door and closed it with a grim expression.

"The templars are back. I hope Rivani has a plan." Varric said grimly.

-OOO- Meanwhile at a noble party in Kirkwall -OOO-

Leila had been surprised, when Hawke and Anders had suggested holding another fundraising party for the refugees at the keep. Especially that it seemed so urgent. She knew they were planning something and probably something shady, but she decided to trust them. They were the two people she trusted the most. Standing in a corner for a few minutes to give her mind some rest, Leila was suddenly approached by a noble woman with blonde hair.

"Your Excellency. I believe we have not been probably introduced. I am Marlein Selbrech. It is a pleasure to meet you." Selbrech said while bowing.

"And you. I have seen you at these parties before, it is unfortunate we have not had the opportunity to talk sooner." Leila said politely.

"It is. You have made some interesting improvements and initiatives, since your ascend to Viscountess. It is a good change I think." Selbrech smiled.

"Thank you. That is kind of you to say. Though, not all agree I'm sure." Leila smiled.

"Not at all, many admire you." Selbrech replied and then leaned a little closer and in a low voice said.

"Your words did not fall on deaf ears. Many agree with what you are trying to accomplish. Should the Knight-commander act against you, you have our support."  
Selbrech bowed and walked away, leaving Leila a little confused and truly humbled. That someone would place that much trust in her was more than she had ever expected. Anders walked up next to Leila and handed her a glass of wine.

"What was that about?" He asked in a low voice.

"It would seem I have groupies." Leila chuckled and Anders looked at her with wonderment.

"You would think I would have learned not to use such terms by now... It seems that I have admires, that has just declared their support and loyalty." Leila clarified.

"And yet they do not do so openly." Anders replied with a little resentment.

"It is a great risk and not all are as brave as you, my love." Leila smiled fondly up at him and he chuckled before giving her a kiss.

-OOO- The Gallows -OOO-

Hawke opened one of the windows in Meredith's office and looked down. Over twenty meters freefall down into the sea and cliffs at the bottom. The chances of surviving that fall were almost nonexistent. He heard a noise from above and looked up. Zevran was grinning down at him, before casting down a rope. After both of he and Varric had crawled to the room above, they had to decide what to do next.

"Did you find anything?" Isabella asked.

"Yes, but nothing we could use. Meredith does have something to do with the bounty on Leila's head, but unless the document is found in her possession there is nothing to implicate her. But we found something worse. She has the idol from the deeproads." Hawke said grimly.

"What idol?" Zevran asked.

"We found an idol made from red lyrium in the deeproads. It turns people insane, humans and dwarves alike." Varric explained.

"Aaah, nothing like cursed artefacts to bring about adventure." Zevran grinned.

"I'm betting you are thankful, Hawke didn't let you keep that shard you found a while back." Isabella grinned.

"Don't remind me, Rivani." Varric groaned.

"We need to get it from her. Zevran and Isabella, can you make a distraction large enough to get Meredith out of bed? I need to get into her bedroom." Hawke asked.

"Of course. After you Isabella, my dear." Zevran smiled and they walked out the door.  
About fifteen minutes past and Varric and Hawke were waiting in the shadows outside Meredith's quarters. Suddenly they heard the sound of a horn. The alarm had gone off. Hawke could only imagine what Isabella and Zevran were doing, but he could smell smoke. Soon enough Meredith ran out the room with her large sword. Varric and Hawke hurried into her room. After ten minutes of searching they found nothing and couldn't risk staying there any longer. They only just manage to get out of the room, when Meredith past them. Hawke felt the energy of the idol. It was even worse than he thought. She had it on her person at all times.

-OOO-

It was early hours of the morning, when they finally got out of the Gallows. Thanks to the fire set by Zevran and Isabella, numerous mages had escaped with the help of some of the templars. Even within her own ranks people were beginning to doubt her. And no wonder she was going insane when she was exposed to the idol every minute of the day. This could only end badly. Hawke felt a little defeated, with the exception of the five mages they had saved, who was going to be made tranquil within the week, they had achieved absolutely nothing. They had only confirmed their worst fears without any proof of it. Something needed to be done, but right now it seemed as if they had no options at all.


	59. Chapter 59 Risks

Risks

"**The deeproads?! Are you blood mental?!**" Leila's voice roared through the Amell Estate, making the servants and other residents scattered away like frightened rats. Her temper rarely showed itself, but in the rare cases were it did, the most feral beast would be weary in her presence. Everyone would be as cautious around her, as if they were walking on a rotten wooden bridge over a giant abyss. Well, everyone but Anders. They were both in the kitchen, where Anders occasionally made potions and salves, when he wasn't in the clinic.

"How can you be so reckless?" Leila scolded while holding Maia and walking after Anders, who was gathering potions for the journey.

"Love, Nathaniel is an old friend of mine and he might be in trouble. You understand that." He smiled soothingly, while filing his pouch with herbs.

"Of course I do, but after what happened last time..." She said with a painful expression.  
He walked over to her and kissed her softly.

"I know. I will be careful and I have been to this part of the deeproads before. Besides, I'm a warden. Going into the deeproads is what I am good at." He groaned the last part and this made Leila chuckle sadly.

"You hate the deeproads, yet at every opportunity to go down there you take it anyway. You should have stayed with the wardens." She replied with anger still penetrating her voice.

"If I had I would never have met you." He said with a roughish smirk, which usually made her melt.

"Hell no, you are not going to sweet talk yourself out of this one." She replied heatedly.

"Love, you are being unreasonable. My friend is in trouble and I am going to help him. I know what I'm doing." He said firmly placing his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her. She took a deep breath.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Of course you should help you friend. I'm just... worried about you." She said softly and he gave her a sad smile.

"I know, but I will be back in one piece I promise." He said softly and kissed her.

"I'm sorry about all this. I shouldn't have acted this way. I..." She tried but he gave her another small kiss.

"I understand. It is actually reassuring knowing that you can be irrational as well. Makes you seem more real." He teased and she just rolled her eyes.

"Anders, are you ready to leave?" Hawke asked only his head peeking through the door.

"I'll be right there Hawke. See you two in a week or so." Anders said fondly and kissed Maia and then Leila.

"Be careful and no ogre kissing." Leila teased and Anders groaned walking out the door.

-OOO-

Before leaving Leila had confronted Hawke and Anders about the Gallows incident and their insistence that she should be preoccupied that night. They had told her everything. That they had found out that Meredith, might not have ordered the contract on Leila's head, but was definitely aware of it. They also told her the whole story about the idol, Meredith was currently the owner of. How they had found it in the deeproads and Bartrand had stolen it. How it had made Varric's brother mad and how they had found piece in a haunted mansion a short while back. How the idol "sang" to people and made them do the most horrible things. How they had found a small piece, that nearly turned Varric insane within minutes and Anders explained that he suspected it was even more potent when broken. This made Meredith even more unpredictable and dangerous. Leila knew she had to do something or no one would be able to stop her. Anders, Varric, Sebastian and Hawke had gone into the deeproads, while Aveline, Fenris and Zevran were watching over Leila and Maia carefully. Leila was so tired of all of this and found herself wishing she had never come to Thedas. Perhaps then all of this would not have gone so horribly wrong. Not to mention she wouldn't have to be watched over like this. But their concern and protection was justified. Even had Leila been as powerful as Hawke, this would have been a wise precaution. It was still infuriating to her and she couldn't help but feel like she was a burden.

Leila decided to try and fix this and with the documents Zevran had provided of Ser Karass, Leila was now on her way to see the Grand Cleric. This was her last chance to help the people of the city or else Leila would have to completely ignore her as a political asset in the future. The Chantry would have no influence in politics and would only serve a religious purpose. Something Leila knew was highly controversial and possibly dangerous, but she felt as if her hands were being forced. She walked up to Elthina who greeted her kindly.

"Your Grace. I need you to take a look at these documents. There has been made an assassination contract on me and it seems that the templar Ser Karass is behind it." Leila began and handed Elthina the documents.

For a moment Elthina looked shocked and astounded, but it faded again. More quickly, than Leila would have liked.

"This is indeed troubling, child. Have you shown this to the Knight-commander?" Elthina asked.

"No, Meredith and I don't exactly see eye to eye. I thought you might mediate this." Leila explained. The true reason was of course, that Meredith would have to deal with Karass if Elthina interfered, but could do as she pleased should Leila deliver this information.

"I cannot interfere in this. Meredith is not unreasonable and this is a matter between you and her." Elithina replied sadly and handed Leila the documents.

"An attempt has been made on my life and seems to have been ordered from someone within the templar order and you still will not act?" Leila asked, but it was more a statement. Leila had come to expect this apathy from her Grace.

"You are more than capable of fighting your own battles." Elthina replied with a smile.

"And what if there are more templars within the order who are corrupt? This could go all the way to the top." Leila replied calmly.

"Are you suggesting Meredith of being corrupt or a zealot?" Elthina asked a little sternly.

"All I am saying is that there is a possibility. For the sake of the city and my child, I have to consider this a possibility. Good day, your Grace." Leila breathed heavily and walked away.

-OOO-

Leila was in her office with Varric. The dwarf was very uncomfortable and it was showing on everything he did.

"Look, as your friend I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't say something. Are you sure you want to do this, Sunshine?" Varric asked with concern.

"What other choice do I have, Varric? They are trying to have me killed, I have no proof and no one wishes to interfere. I can't risk an open confrontation; Perrin did that and failed miserably." Leila replied with a heavy sigh

"I know, but this just seems very risky. Not to mention crazy. I would suspect something like this from Hawke, not you." He sighed.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I am standing behind my decision. Can I count on your help?"

"You know better than to ask that. Of course you can." Varric replied and began to walk towards the door.

"Varric? If anything should happen, look out for Maia and Anders will you?" She asked as he turned around.

"Sure thing, Sunshine." He replied before walking out the door.

-OOO-

They had finally arrived back at Kirkwall after finding Nathaniel and Carver in the deeproads. Both had followed them back to Kirkwall and Carver had already agreed to stay for a little while. Anders turned to Nathaniel.

"Nathaniel, if you have got the time there is someone I would like you to meet." Anders smiled.

"Last time you wanted me to meet someone it was the "friendly" waitress in the inn in Amaranthine." Nathaniel replied with a scowl.

"I think he was referring to his fiancé." Varric added with a grin.

"You're... betrothed?" Nathaniel replied with a doubtful glare.

"I am." Anders replied with a smile.

"I couldn't believe anyone would agree to marry him either. And certainly not a cousin of mine." Carver remarked, with a wicked grin.

"Alright, this I have to see. Oghren is not going to believe it... This must be Justice's doing." Nathaniel said, still doubtful of what he was hearing.

"They are both taken with her, which reminds me; you never asked for my permission to marry her!" Hawke added with a grin.

"And why would I?" Anders asked drily.

"I'm the head of the household." Hawke stated in an "as a matter of fact" manner.

"I really hoped that some of his delusions would have disappeared by now. Or at least lessened." Carver smiled.

"Well here we are, so that is unfortunately the end of this conversation." Anders remarked with faked sincerity.

Anders walked in the door first and saw Leila sitting in front of the fire with a book, while Maia was sitting on a blanket on the floor with her toys next to Ebony. Ebony greeted Anders happily while Maia made a happy noise. Anders pushed Ebony down and walked over to kiss Leila, before picking up Maia and hugging her. Leila smiled brightly as she saw Carver and gave him a big hug. She then looked at Nathaniel with a smile as Anders walked up next to her.

"Love, this is Nathaniel. The man we went to rescue in the deeproads. Nathaniel, this is Leila, my betrothed, and this is my daughter Maia." Anders said a little proudly and had to chuckle as Nathaniel's jaw dropped.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Leila Amell." Leila smiled and gave him her hand.

"Nathaniel Howe... wait, you are the Viscountess. I heard she was engaged to a mage, I never in my wildest dreams pictured it to be Anders." Nathaniel said with surprise evident in his expression.

"You are not the only one, old friend." Anders smiled wrapping his free arm around Leila's waist.

"I suppose there is a sense of morbid satisfaction in taking the paths, which we don't know where lead." Leila smiled and stroked Maia's cheek.

"Clever and lovely, how in the name of the maker did you end up with him?" Nathaniel asked in a dry voice.

"I'm handsome and charming. What's not to love?" Anders smirked.

"You know I am beginning to wonder the same thing." Leila said teasingly, while eying Anders carefully, suppressing a grin.

"You two are no fun. You act as if you are not happy to see me." Anders sighed with dramatics and looked at Nathaniel.

"I had hoped Justice would be the dominating personality." Nathaniel replied drily.

"Why don't we go get something to drink?" Hawke suggested.

"That's a good idea, but Anders and Garrett I need to show you something in the basement. Carver will you take Maia?" Leila asked and Carver looked suddenly unsure.

"I'll do it. I have a nephew after all." Nathaniel smiled and Anders handed him Maia.

"Carver, you just lead your commander to the dining room and we will be there soon." Hawke added.

The two men followed Leila down into the basement and in the lower part they heard the sounds of children playing. They walked into a room and saw a brunette sitting on the bed, Anders had used a while back, and children sitting around her. They woman got up and walked towards Leila.

"Garrett, Anders, this is Evalina. She is one of the mages who escaped the circle. She has been trying to help these children ever since the blight, but now she had nowhere else to turn. I have known her for a few years and I gave her refuge here, but was hoping you could help her get to Ferelden." Leila explained.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Evalina." Hawke said fondly.

"I have seen you in my clinic a few times. I'm glad we are able to help." Anders said fondly.

"Thank you so much messere, your kindness is more than I could expect." Evalina smiled.

"Don't mention it. I will find a ship out of here tonight and make sure there is someone to help you back in Ferelden." Hawke smiled.

-OOO- Two days later -OOO-

Carver, Nathaniel and Zevran were still in Kirkwall, but that was not Hawke's concern at the moment. That morning he had received a letter from the Knight-commander, which requested him meeting her in the Gallows. He had tried to close in on the idol while there, but couldn't get close enough to determine, where exactly she kept it. Only that it was always close to her. He would warn her, but he couldn't exactly do it without incriminating himself. What had baffled him about the meeting was the request she made. So when he walked in the door at the estate, he must have had an odd look about him, because Leila saw it immediately.

"What happened to you?" She asked slightly concerned.

"Meredith has asked me to hunt down the mages who has escaped the circle. One of them is Evalina, but she is luckily half way to Ferelden by now." Hawke replied.

"Did you say you would help her?" Leila asked suddenly very concerned.

"I had to. She threatened me to do it. I hope that I might help the other mages flee." Hawke replied, but noticed Leila turning pale.

Leila picked up Maia, who was playing on the floor, and handed her to Hawke.

"Garrett, listen to me carefully. Take Maia and get Nathaniel and his sister to watch her, bring Carver with her. Then when you go out searching for these mages, take Merrill and Anders with you. Don't let them out of your sight." She said deadly serious.

"Leila, what is going on?" Hawke asked baffled.

"I can't tell you, you just have to trust me. And not a word to Anders about this. Please do this for me." She said pleadingly.

"Of course. I'll do it right now." Hawke replied and Leila was on her way out the door.

"I am going to the keep. Be careful Garrett." She said before kissing Maia on her head and walked out the door.

-OOO-

Leila was in her office getting the last documents in order and making sure to leave her letters with the seneschal. It couldn't be long now. She heard a commotion outside the door and stood up waiting for the repercussions of the things she had set in motion. In came Meredith and four of her templars.

"Leila Amell, you are hereby charged with following crimes against the Maker and Chantry;

Apostate and possible malificar, consorting with demons, consorting with malificars, aiding apostates and conspiring to overthrow the Knight-commander and the templars." Meredith said calmly and Bran looked shocked standing from outside the door.

"That is preposterous, the Viscountess is not a mage. Surely it would have been discovered long ago if she was." Bran objected.

"This is a templar matter, seneschal Bran." Meredith said coldly.  
Leila turned to the seneschal.

"I am not guilty of any of these crimes, make sure that is made clear should anyone ask." Leila told him, while giving him a certain look, that he understood. A look that meant 'tell them even should they not ask'.

"We will see about that." Meredith responded and the templars shackled Leila.

She was dragged through the keep and Aveline was about to interfere, but stopped as Leila shook her head. Going through the keep and Hightown nobles, servants and merchants stood by dumbfounded trying to understand what they were seeing. Several nobles even tried to demand an explanation, but Meredith ignored them. Leila could feel the cold steel grinding on her wrists and the templars pulling unnecessarily was painful. It created friction that was already giving her wrists blisters and making them bloody. Despite the pain all Leila could think of was, a twelve year old boy being dragged away, while his mother was crying. Then she saw the grown man being dragged away from her, but instantly the vision changed, knowing that they would never catch him alive. She thought of Maia being dragged of like this and saw Anders' dead body lying on the ground. Her heart ached and was more terrified of these scenarios, than the one playing out right before her.  
At the rose some of the whores outside even scolded the Knight-commander. This did not get any better when they reached the docks, where elves and humans alike doubted their eyes. Some had anger burning in their eyes and other complete disbelief to what they were seeing. Reaching the Gallows the reaction seemed to be magnifying. Thrask looked deeply concerned, but like Aveline he reacted to Leila's look and backed down. What did surprise her was when they encountered the Knight-captain.

"Why have you arrested the Viscountess, Knight-commander?" He asked dumbfounded.

"She is a dangerous maleficar and I intend to make up for the mistake of putting her on the throne." Meredith said coldly.

"But there has been no evidence to suggest she is a mage. I can't even feel anything from her." Cullen countered and used a skill on Leila. A blue glow surrounded her, but she felt nothing.

"Knight-commander, smiting has no effect on her. She isn't a mage." Cullen said almost pleadingly.

"She hides it well, you are just too emotional to realise that." Meredith replied sternly and pushed passed him.

They had not gotten much further before Orsino came towards them, horror and anger written on his face.

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked angrily.

"I do not answer to you mage. Out of our way. You make sure that the First Enchanter does not leave the building." Meredith replied, gesturing two templars too restrain Orsino.

"I am so sorry, Your Excellency." Orsino said looking at Leila.

"This is not your fault." Leila said softly as the templars dragged her along.

She was dragged down to the bottom of the Gallows, the Tevinter statues towering her, looking tormented and sick. Everything was cold, disquiet and gave Leila a feeling of mourning. She was dragged through the corridors and saw the old cells. This was where the mages lived their lives. Elthina had once said that they used it because it was a building, but that was only half of it. They could have made adjustments to it. Removed the barred doors for regular doors and removed those large intimidating statues. In all the time the circle had been located there no one had thought "This is someone's home for their entire lifetime, let us at least make it bearable.". This was nothing but an excuse. The circle was necessary for teaching purposes and for locking up criminals, but treating everyone as if they were and removing their chance of happiness, wasn't. Leila was led into one of the cells and felt the blood from her wrists dripping down her fingers. Her blood was the only warm thing in the room. She was tied to a chair and another templar was summoned into the room. She looked up and saw Ser Karrass enter the room. There was a certain poetic justice to this. The man she had castrated about to help get information out of her. A bucket of burning coals and lyrium was brought into the room and had a metal rod in it. Meredith nodded at Ser Karrass, who took out the burning rod and Leila saw the simmering and glowing sun at the end of it. This was the brand. The one used for the rite of tranquillity. Severing the mage's connection to the fade and making them nothing, but walking zombies.

"I am not a mage!" Leila almost shrieked, as her eyes widened and the templar walked closer.

"You have to be. You wouldn't have gotten so much support otherwise. You have used bloodmagic on the Grand Cleric and the Divine, but it stops now." Meredith said calmly.

"If I did possess these powers, would it not have made sense to use it on you first?" Leila countered hoping to make her see reason.

"I am not weak. I have remained vigilant, when others have hesitated. 'We should have sympathy for the mages'. Ha! They will turn on us and endanger this city. I will not allow it." Meredith replied and just for a moment, her eyes glowed red in a similar way as Anders' glowed blue, when Justice took over.

"Meredith, listen to me. You are in possession of an idol that is dangerous. It is twisting you into something that you are not. Please!" Leila pleaded.

"That only proofs that you are using bloodmagic! How else would you have known about the idol?" Meredith replied caressing her sword.

"This is not who you are. You are a well meaning person, despite your overprotective nature. Please don't do this. Don't let it take power over you." Leila begged.

"I have heard enough of your lies, mage! I should have known right from when you started making those drawings." She hissed.

"Sit still, you filthy little robe!" Ser Karrass spat and grabbed her chin hard with his iron fist.

He licked his lips and had she not known it to be impossible, Leila would think that he was taking an almost sexual pleasure from this. His eyes were smouldering with something like desire and hate. He drove the burning rod into Leila's forehead. She screamed, as she could feel it burn her flesh and smell her flesh being burned. She bit her tongue from the excruciating pain and could taste blood in her mouth. When Karrass pulled the rod away, the pain instantly stopped and the look on the templars face was one of confusion. He grabbed her chin again and turned it towards the light.

"There is no mark, Knight-commander." He said with astonishment.

"That cannot be. Do it again!" Meredith insisted.

Again and again the burning rod was pressed against Leila's forehead. Each time it was a little longer and more excruciating. Finally Ser Karrasss got so frustrated he hit Leila with a tightened fist, his metal gloves cutting her cheek. He lifted his hand to his lips and licked the blood of his knuckles. Meredith walked forward and looked at Leila.

"You do hide it well, but I know you are a mage. Summon one of the mages. The only way she prevent the rite to be completed is if she is possessed." Meredith ordered.

"Or if I'm not a mage. Please it is still not too late to stop this and put it behind us." Leila implored.

Meredith shook her head and had one of the templars gag her. A mage appeared in the doorway escorted by two templars. The mage was young and he was obviously scared out of his mind. The terror in him, made him do everything the templars asked, without question. Meredith ordered him to perform a ritual. The poor lad was shaking from fear, as he begun the ritual. Blue energy surrounded him and then Leila, before everything went black.

-OOO-

"Leila, sweetheart wake up." She heard a familiar voice say.

Slowly she opened her eyes and saw a man she had never thought to see again. Her father. She looked around the room and realised she was in a modern hospital.

"Oh, thank God you are awake. The transplant went well." He smiled at her fondly and stroked her cheek.

"What transplant? Where am I? Where are Anders and Maia?" Leila asked looking around franticly.

"Calm down. The bone marrow transplant worked. Your mother is recovering and they say the cancer is gone. You have been asleep for three days now. The doctors said you might be confused when you awoke. Everything will be fine now." He smiled fondly stroking Leila's cheek.


	60. Chapter 60 Imagining

**Imagining**

Leila was in the hospital bed and was deeply confused. All of this seemed so real, but so did the last three years. Anders, Maia, Hawke and Kirkwall had all of that just been a dream, as her father claimed? She also remembered her mother dying and attending the funeral, but it seemed that with every passing minute those memories got less clear and coherent. They were fading and seemed more unlikely to have ever happened. Magic, elves, dwarves, spirits and demons. The drugs they had given her must have been powerful indeed. A part of her didn't want to forget it, but she had a feeling telling her that she had too. But the people were so believable, what could possibly have inspired them? Her eyes widened as at that moment a man came into the room. He was dressed in scrubs, had longish blonde hair in a ponytail, pale skin, stubble, a characteristic nose and warm brown eyes.

"Anders!" She breathed with a smile and the man looked at her.

"Andrew actually, but close enough. I am the surgeon performing the transplant." He said walking over to her with a smile that seemed so familiar.

"Your father said you were feeling disoriented." He stated and pulled out a flashlight and examined her eyes.

"Just a dream, I suppose." She said a little confused.  
He sat down on the bed and smiled at her.

"Well, you look to be doing fine now. I am Doctor Andrew Clive. How are you feeling?" He smiled.

"I am Leila Am... Mitchell." She said suddenly confused.

"I'll better get you some more medication." He said with slight concern.

As he touched her chin she felt a surge of electricity going through her and for just a moment a flash of searing kisses went through her mind. They created a longing to pull him close and kiss him. For some reason she felt an overpowering need to protect and comfort him. To love him as he deserved and craved. She looked at him and wondered why she felt like that. This man did not look like he was suffering. Yet there was something familiar about him, but right now she could not remember what.

"No thank you. My mind is clouded enough as it is. Besides those drugs are probably better used on someone else." She smiled softly.

"Pretty and pragmatic. A striking combination." He smirked.

"Do you flirt with all your patients?" Leila countered unimpressed.

"Only the pretty ones." He winked and she groaned.

"Very flattering." She remarked sarcastically.

"Hey, I am fluent in sarcasm and I take great offense to that." He faked offense and Leila chuckled.

"I have other patients to attend too, but I will check on your later. Don't disappear on me." He said fondly and squeezed her hand.

Leila lie back down and felt her heart fluttering at his smile. Perhaps it was inappropriate to flirt with your doctor, but he was cute. She had fallen asleep when her father suddenly woke her up. Absentminded and confused she looked around.

"Where is Maia?" She asked almost in a panic and looked around.  
Her father looked at her with a both sad and pained expression.

"Maia died remember. Your sister drowned almost twenty years ago." He said sadly the painful memory haunting him.

"I was not talking about my sister I was talking about my... daughter..." She replied suddenly hesitant to why she would claim to have a daughter.

"You have never had a child, sweetheart. Perhaps I should get a doctor." Her father said confused.

"No, no... It's fine... I am just tired I guess... my imagination always was a bit vivid." She smiled trying to shrug off the feeling of disquiet.

"Alright... I brought a wheelchair so we can go see your mother." He said a little cheerfully and helped Leila into the chair.

Being pushed through the hospital, Leila was starting to shake the uneasiness she felt. Yet every time she saw a little girl something in her heart twisted. Like a memory that you could just almost remember. Like a forgotten word in the middle of a sentence, when you would desperately try to make others understand the meaning, hoping they would provide the words escaping your mind. These feelings past as soon as she saw her mother. She had hair and colour in her cheeks as if the cancer had never happened. Her mother smiled brightly and took her hand and kissed, when Leila was placed next to the bed. Leila stood up and hugged her mother tightly. Leila held her tight and a sob escaped her.

"Shhh... it's going to be alright dear." Her mother soothed.

"I dreamt you had died." Leila said softly as tears streamed down her face.

"Not yet, thanks to you." Her mother smiled into her hair.  
Leila pulled back and dried her eyes, before sitting back in the chair. Her father walked over and kissed her mother lovingly and Leila looked at them with surprise.

"What is going on?" Leila asked suspiciously.

"During the operation I nearly lost your both. It set some things straight for me. I should never have left and I am sorry." Her father apologized.

"Last time she nearly died it didn't seem to matter to you, why would it now?" Leila asked with suspicious evident. Something didn't feel... right.

"I am happy sweetheart. Please be happy for me." Leila's mother smiled and she felt a sudden urge to believe her. Like everything was going to be alright.

"Of course, mother. I'm sorry." Leila replied softly.

"There is no need to apologize. I have been a terrible father and husband. Can you forgive me?" Her father asked looking pleadingly at her.

"I can." Leila smiled softly.

-OOO-

The week in the hospital passed so quickly and Leila had trouble even remembering how it happened. She was finally pushing the dreams aside and could hardly remember any of it. Dr. Andrew had been to see her a few times and had cast some flirtatious remarks at her. Leila was excited. After years of looking after her mother, she was finally well. This meant that Leila could place her own wishes and needs first. Perhaps even fall in love. And if it just happened to be in said doctor, then things were truly looking up. She was on her way out of the hospital, when she heard someone call her name. She turned to see Andrew running after her and she had to chuckle at the sight.

"Leila, wait!" He said again and ran up to her.

"Just let me catch my breath." He said panting with a smile on his face.

"Of course. I usually leave men breathless, just take your time." Leila teased with a giggle, that made him chuckle.

"Listen, I know we have hardly met, but I already feel like I know you. There is this whole patient-doctor relationship boundary, but now you are not a patient so... would you go out with me?" He asked with a shy smile.

"I..." Leila was unable to complete a sentence.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume. Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asked softly.

"I'm just surprised. It doesn't mean that I don't want to." She smiled softly.

"I'll keep that in mind then." He smiled brightly.

"I would love to go out with you." She clarified with a smile.

"Oh, and she gets enthusiastic? Check the sky for flying pigs." He chuckled.

"Shut up." She groaned with mock offense.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. How about this Friday?" He smiled.

"Alright then. Oh, and if you stand me up, I know where you work." She threatened with a smile.

"My lady, you wound me, but warning duly noted," He grinned and walked away.

"Don't you want my number?" Leila asked as he walked away.

"No need I already got it from your file." He winked before walking away and she couldn't help but chuckle.

-OOO-

The days up to Friday past quickly. Her mother and father were back together and happy. They had spent a lot of time together and her mother seemed as though she had never been sick. Life was good and she couldn't remember being this happy, but from time to time a vague memory, that she could not place, would appear. This life suddenly seemed like something from a perfect movie, like all the most secret desires of her heart had come to pass. She was getting ready in her bedroom and wearing a short deep red dress with her back exposed. She heard her doorbell and smiled, as she looked at the time. His precision was almost uncanny. She took her small bag and opened the door. Andrew starred at her taking in her beauty and smiled brightly.

"You look lovely and I don't deserve you." He smiled and she felt a blush rise to her cheeks.

She turned to lock the door, when she suddenly felt him leaning up against her slightly. For a first date this was very forward, but she didn't want him at a distance. It was comforting having him around and she felt whole in a way. It felt as if her heart was a lost puppy that had finally found someone to take care of it. She felt his hot breath near her ear. She felt his fingers caress her tattoo on her shoulder blade.  
"Have I ever told you that I find tattoo's on women extremely attractive?" He said seductively against her ear and those words seemed familiar.

"I had a feeling you might. I got it after my mother di..." She paused, feeling disquiet all of a sudden.

"Is something wrong?" He asked softly.

"No... It's just... an unpleasant memory." She said trying to shake of the feeling of mourning and remorse.

"Let's go have some dinner then. That might make you feel better." He smiled and offered her his arm.

She smiled and gladly took it, the uncomfortable feelings quickly forgotten. Andrew took her out for a nice dinner and later convinced her to go to a club. They were laughing and talking constantly. There were no awkward pauses and she had to agree with him. It was as if they already knew each other. There were even things about him that should have left her in awe, that wasn't unexpected. He had worked in Africa for a number of years, helping the poor for free and aiding their society. The only reason he had come back was to inform people here about the injustices that befell them due to the government and corrupt legal system. He was so passionate when he talked about these things and she could feel it was lighting a fire in her. She frequently wanted to say something about her contribution, but she could remember nothing.

At the club he pulled her to the dance floor and she felt extremely exposed. Unable to look him in the eye she kept giggling and he laughed while calling her adorable. She felt his touch running up and down her sides. His touch almost searing through her dress as if they were on fire. For a fraction of a moment she had to remind herself that such a thing wasn't possible. He turned her to make her look at him and she saw his brown eyes darkening with desire. She felt her pulse spike instantly and for some reason she knew exactly what he was going to do to her. She could already feel how she would shudder under his touch. The attentiveness and skill with which he would make a feel loved and desired. She felt a need to be close to him. A longing in her heart, which had seemed numb since she awoke from the operation. He claimed her lips in a heated kiss and she responded instantly. These lips and his touch seemed so familiar it almost scared her. Memories started flashing, but she was unable to hold onto them. Only feeling of love seemed to stay. But how could she love a man she hardly knew? He took her hand when he pulled away and led her out in the alleyway. He gently pushed her up against the wall and pressed his body flush against. His lips started assaulting her neck in a rate that had her gasping, moaning and panting within seconds. She could feel his hands exploring her and she did nothing to stop him as her hands found their way to his hair. She was never like this and definitely not on a first date. She wondered what had gotten into her, but when she felt his arousal against her, desire made her blood rush through her. Her body almost aching for him to be combined with hers. For a moment she knew that if he were to take her right there and then she would. In the midst of her bliss of need and desire, she didn't realise someone running towards them. Suddenly Andrew was thrown of her and through the alleyway, like by a force of nature. She had to rest herself against the wall to keep herself from falling.

"**Get away from her foul demon!**" A rough male voice shouted.

She turned her head and nearly fell to the ground. There stood a man, who could have been Andrew's reflection, except from the uneven cut hair and his feathered coat. He was covered in blue cracks and the brown eyes were glowing blue. Her pulse speed up as he ran towards her, fearing he would harm her. She was unable to say anything from the shock, but when he approached her, the look in his burning eyes, was loving. His hands started glowing blue and Leila was surprised for a moment. When she flinched he looked almost hurt, even heartbroken.

"I would never hurt you." He said softly and as she looked into his flame encrusted eyes, she knew she could trust him. Hesitantly she touched his hand and felt the blue glow coming from it. She looked up at him suddenly confused.

"I have done this before." She said in a way that was both confused and fascinated. He smiled down at her and gently stroked her cheek.

"That's right. Try to remember, my love." He said softly.  
She suddenly panicked, but was not entirely sure why. She was overwhelmed by something and nearly fell again, but the man caught her.

"What is going on?" She said desperately.

"You are in the fade, nothing here is real. Try to remember." He said softly.

"What if I don't want to? I am happy here? The memories that keep escaping me are filled with worry. Why would I want to go back to that?" She said both angrily and pleadingly.

"Because they are also filled with love. Real love, not this shadow these creatures create for you. Please, there are people who love you and want you back." He said patiently and for some reason this surprised her. His calmness surprised her, but she didn't exactly know why.

"Like who?" She asked with disbelief.

"Hawke, Merrill, Anders, Maia and I, Justice. We love you, just as you do us." He said softly.

As she looked up at him he kissed her. These lips seemed more real than anything the past few weeks. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss. Suddenly her heart told her what her mind was not able to. Whoever this man was she loved him more deeply than anyone else. When he pulled away for air she embraced him and tucked her face into his neck.

"I love you." She breathed into his neck and could feel his hold on her tightening.

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-_

Sorry if I had you worrying. You don't think I would really seperate them again? What kind of monster do you think I am? I hope you enjoyed this update.


	61. Chapter 61 Rapture

Rapture

Hawke, Anders, Varric and Merrill were walking from Lowtown to Hightown. They had spent the better part of the day hunting down the apostates, who escaped from the Gallows during their break in a few days ago. One of them had been Evalina, Leila's friend, who thankfully was already on her way to Ferelden. Then there had been a mage named Emile De launcet, a son of one of the noble families Hawke and Leila knew well. They idiot had been hiding in the Hanged Man drinking, instead of getting out of Kirkwall. Hawke had offered to cover for him and he was now on his way out of Kirkwall by ship. The last one had been an elven mage named Huon. He had been taken from his wife forcibly ten years ago. Somewhere along the way the elf had lost his mind and tonight Hawke had seen something, which hit far too close to home. In his desperation, Huon had killed his wife in order to use her blood to give new life to the elven people. Huon's desperation had turned to insanity and if this was all that normal people saw, no wonder mages were feared. This also made Hawke momentarily wonder, how far Merrill was willing to go. In her attempt to restore her people's history, she had turned to bloodmagic and her Keeper had sacrificed her own life, in order to prevent Merrill from being possessed. It had only been by share luck that Hawke had said the right thing to appease her clan or he would probably have been forced to kill them all in self defence. As if knowing what he was thinking, he felt Merrill's hand slip into his own and her head resting on his shoulder.

"I love you." She said in a low sweet voice.

He smiled as best he could and kissed her head.

"I love you." She repeated.

"You said that and I love you too." His smile genuine this time.

"I say it a lot. It makes things clearer, takes away doubt when everything is crazy and people are dying."

For some reason this alone made everything seem alright. For all Merrill's innocence and seemingly slow wit, she was very wise and clever at other times. One of the many things that he adored about her. Still, that feeling of anxiousness, he had in his gut, didn't go away. It could have something to do with the fact that he had been hunting down his own kind and for Meredith no less, but it felt as if something was about to go south. For some reason that was a feeling he just couldn't shake off. True to his word Hawke hadn't told Anders about Leila's strange behaviour earlier, but he had noticed that Varric seemed a little on edge as well. They would look at each other from time to time, observing the other. Like they both had a secret they were unaware if the other knew of. Hawke knew Varric have had tons of secrets over the years and never had he seen him this tense. Due to the late hour there were not a lot of people on the streets, but the few people they did meet, who knew who Hawke was, looked at him strangely. The feeling in his gut intensified ten times by this alone. They walked into the house and no sooner had they entered the house, when Bodahn came towards them with an upset look about him.

"Master Hawke! Thank goodness you are home!" He exclaimed walking towards them with hurried steps.

"Bodahn, what is the matter?" Hawke asked, now truly worried.

"Mistress Amell has been led to the Gallows and is currently imprisoned there." Bodahn replied with a concerned expression.

"By the creators!" Merrill gasped horrified.

"Why?!" Anders demanded.

"From what I understand, they say she is a mage." Bodahn replied.

Hawke quickly grabbed Anders' arm, who had already turned around and was on his way out the door. Anders gave him a threatening glare, which could make the most hardened criminal shiver. In the middle of this silent argument, Hawke completely missed how Varric's face turned pale and pained.

"I know how you feel, but we need to know more, before we take down the Gallows." Hawke said seriously looking at his friend. Anders took a deep breath.

"You're right." He replied closing his eyes and his hand closing around his amulet.

"What else are they saying, Bodahn?" Hawke asked turning to his manservant again.

"That she is a bloodmage, have been concerting with demons and conspiring to overthrow the Knight-commander." Varric replied and they all turned to look at him with a confused expression.

"How do you know this? You have been gone the entire day, like we have." Hawke asked.

"Because Leila asked me to spread those rumours." Varric said sadly.

"You did **what?!**" Anders and Justice roared in unison and had Varric pinned to the wall, his feet of the ground and their hands at his throat.

Hawke placed a hand on Anders' shoulder.

"Leila told him to do it, Anders. There must be a reason. Now please put Varric down so we can get an explanation." Hawke reasoned and after a few long moments Anders put Varric down.

Varric rubbed his throat and coughed.

"Hawke!" They heard Aveline's voice and she walked towards them coming from the living room with hasted steps.

"There you are! I have had my guards looking for you the entire day!" Aveline exclaimed almost angrily.

"Aveline! Do you know what happened?" Hawke asked.

"This is **your** fault!" Anders accused walking forward and Aveline took a heavy breath.

"I wanted to stop it, Anders, but Leila wouldn't allow it. I received a letter from seneschal Bran for Hawke's eyes only, shortly after she left the keep. I was about to raise the entire guard and find every proceeding I could find of to get her released, but something tells me that Leila has planned this." Aveline replied and handed Anders the letter.

"Let us go inside." Hawke suggested.

"Wait, where is Maia?" Anders asked almost terrified.

"She is with Nathaniel, his sister and Carver. Leila asked me to make them look after her today. Hopefully this letter will explain, what in the void she has been doing." Hawke replied and they walked into the living room.

Hawke tore the seal open and began reading the letter out loud.

_"Dear Garrett,_

If you are reading this letter then I have been taken into custody by the templars. Now let me try and explain why. During the last few months my relationship with Meredith has become almost intolerable. Everything has turned into a battle that I am terrified of losing, because so many depend on it. A few weeks ago I realised that people already are. When I was examined in the Gallows I realised that the "freedoms" I had provided, was only goodwill towards the Divine. The mages in the Gallows are now losing more freedom for something, which should give them more. I cannot with good conscience allow this to continue. I was in the process to appeal to the Divine, as Elthina continues to ignore me, but when you informed me that Meredith is in possession of that idol, I knew appeasing her would be impossible. In addition this, the attempts on my life have become more frequent, but I have not informed you of this. Don't blame Fenris for not telling you, as I gave him explicit instructions not to.

It became clear to me, that a confrontation with the templars could not be avoided for long. I wanted to throw them out, but I would not risk Kirkwall to be exposed to an Exalted March or let things end like they did with Perrin. Therefore my options seemed limited and I came up with another plan. Not long ago I had Varric spread rumours about me, in the hope this would provoke a reaction from Meredith. By exposing her to, somewhat, absurd rumours, I would see if she would act irrationally. This would proof that she is no longer fit for her position and that she has indeed lost her grip on sanity.

If she is as far gone, as I believe her to be, she will most like have taken me into custody by now. Time will only tell if she will release me, after it is determined that I am not a mage or possessed by demons. Hopefully, she has not obtained proof that I am indeed trying to overthrow her, but this letter is the only proof there is, which is why I entrusted it to Aveline. If she has not released me, this is what I want you to do.  
If you can find a peaceful way to resolve this I want you to try. If this is not an option I want you to do whatever it takes to make sure, that Meredith cannot hide this from the Divine and is removed. I will see no one else hurt by my wrong doings.  
To help you, seek out a Ser Marlien Selbrech, who is one of the nobles. You can count on her support to remove Meredith from power.

Garrett, make sure she does no more harm to anyone and if the worst should happen please look out for Anders and Maia for me. I do this to make a safer future for them, please help to make them see that some day. And make sure Varric doesn't blame himself from this.

With all my love, Leila."

For moment they all sat completely still and were unable to say anything. Anders was, unsurprisingly, the first to break this silence.

"We can't let her do this! I won't let her become a martyr!" He exclaimed slamming his hand into the wall in frustration.

"That bitch only asked me to track down those mages as a distraction!" Hawke roared.

"Anders is right, Hawke. We have to help her!" Merrill said pleadingly looking at Hawke.

"Yes we do and we are not doing this peacefully!" Hawke replied angrily.

"I agree, Bianca really wants to show Meredith a piece of her mind." Varric agreed.

"We need to have a plan. We can't just storm the Gallows." Aveline reasoned.

"Oh, yes we can! If we gather the nobles, Thrask and his supporters and the mage underground, we might just have a shot." Hawke said eagerly.

"Some of the elves are fond of Leila as well. They might want to help." Merrill suggested.

"This is a city matter, so my guard will help as well. We should gather the others and start gathering our forces." Aveline suggested.

"Zevran and Nathaniel are friends of Elissa and I'm sure they will help." Anders replied.

"Alright then let us get going. Anders, get Nathaniel and Carver and then contact the underground. Aveline round up the guards. Merrill, go to the alienage and see if anyone is willing to help her. Varric go get the rest of our companions. I will get in contact with the nobles and in Leila's honour I will try one last thing. We will meet at the docks as soon as possible." Hawke instructed and they all practically ran out the door.

-OOO-

Hawke ran through the Chantry and saw a very surprised Elthina looking at him as he approached breathing heavily.

"Grand Cleric, our Viscountess is wrongfully held captive by Meredith. Do you intend to intervene?" Hawke asked.

"The Makers time is not..." Elthina began.

"Sorry, but I don't have time for this. Yes or no?" Hawke interrupted impatiently.

"I cannot turn against my templars." Elthina replied.

"Fine, I suggest you keep out of the Gallows, it's going to be some show." Hawke replied running out of the Chantry.

He had never expected Elthina to intervene, but Leila had always made it a point to at least offer Elthina the opportunity. Hawke had a feeling that it was something like this Leila wanted to achieve; To prove that both Elthina and Meredith was no longer capable of fulfilling their duties. He just hoped that her recklessness had not already gotten her killed.

-OOO-

Convincing the nobles to aid him, if you could even call it that, had been easy. Apparently there were many who was tired of Meredith's tyranny, which would only become worse with Leila gone. So as he was on the way to the docks, Hawke was met by a sight that had him awestruck. The docks were filled with people wanting to aid freeing their Viscountess or rid the city of Meredith. Many of them both. Others were seeking glory in fighting alongside their mighty Champion, but their motives didn't matter to Hawke. As long as Leila was freed, he was happy. Elves, mages, templars, nobles, guards and even some of Sebastian' soldiers were standing ready to free Leila, with force if they had too. How Hawke managed to find his companions in all of this was beyond him, but he did. Aveline, Donnic, Anders, Clive, Thrask, Merril, Varric, Fenris, Sebastian, Isabella, Carver, Zevran and Nathaniel stood waiting for instructions. Hawke walked over to Anders and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"We will get her out of this Anders." Hawke tried to comfort.

"We have to." Anders replied with determination and glistening eyes.

"Hawke, they are expecting you to say something." Aveline said from behind him.

Hawke nodded and climbed up on one of the buildings and looked over the crowd. For the first time in his life Hawke felt truly humble. He cleared his throat and was surprised about how quiet people were, looking up at him.

"There are many leaders we follow because we have to. They demand our loyalty and we give it because it is required of us. They do nothing to earn our trust or prove themselves to us, but demand that we prove ourselves to them. They control us with power and wealth.  
Then once in a while people who are worth following appear. They appear not because they want to or because they desire power and wealth. They appear because we need them to. And this is when we find that these people don't expect anything from us. They want to serve and protect us and we don't have to earn that loyalty. When these people become leaders, champions or heroes we are truly blessed. Those are the once who risk everything for us and try to earn our trust. Those are the leaders we love.

Leila Amell is such a leader. She sees the best in us and wants to make a city worthy of all of us. One where elves has rights, where our children are not taken from us, one were poverty is lessened, where trade and wealth flows, one where we don't have to fear the templars, but where they protect us. One where mages, such as myself, are able to make a life without endangering others. Viscountess Amell wants a city where we all belong and give us a future worthy of us and our descendants.

Now the Knight-commander is threatening to take that future form us and I ask you; **Will you allow it?**" Hawke cried over the crowd that roared in responds.

"Let us show that we all have rights and that we want our Viscountess to remain! No one messes with the citizens of Kirkwall and ignores us! And when this is done I am buying the drinks!" Hawke cried and the crowd roared again.

Hawke got down from the building and people started boarding the ships. Varric padded Hawke on the shoulder.

"Great speech, Hawke." The dwarf said proudly.

"How are all those people going to fit into the Gallows?" Carver mused.

"I am more worried about my tab at the Hanged Man." Hawke chuckled.

"Don't get ahead of yourselves. This is not over yet." Aveline reminded them.

"I just hope we will not regret it." Fenris sighed.

They walked on to the ship and Hawke watched Anders closely as they got closer to the Gallows. Without a doubt Justice was close to the surface and the healer was both terrified and furious. Hawke knew it, because he felt like that himself. Ever since Leandra's death he had regretted that he had summoned Leila to Thedas, but there was no way he was going to let his mother's sacrifice be in vain. Looking around he was astounded by how many joined this cause. How many believed that this was the right thing to do. How many believed that Leila needed to be released and in the future she was trying to achieve. Now they just needed to get to her. Despite appearances, Hawke was terrified of what Meredith had done to Leila. As soon as they arrived at the Gallows the first wave of templars approached them, some suddenly indecisive as they saw the horde. Cullen came forward and looked at them with a grim expression.

"Champion, what are you doing?" He asked shaking his head.

"I thought you knew a riot, when you saw it." Hawke chuckled.

"We are here to have the Viscountess released, as you are withholding her illegally and without cause." Aveline clarified.

"Leila Amell is being examined at the moment and..." Cullen began, when suddenly a large group of templars began attacking.

They came from within the Gallows courtyard and charged down at them. Cullen kept ordering them to stop, but they did not heed him. Some of the templars seemed confused and though they were using both weapons and skills they seemed to not hit anyone... on **purpose**. Hawke had never seen such chaos. After a long while Cullen and Hawke looked at each other and a shared understanding seemed to pass between them. They managed to stop the fighting and for a moment Hawke even felt bad for the templars, who had fallen.

"Stop this slaughter!" Cullen said loudly.

"I agree. Take me to Knight-commander Meredith so our Viscountess can be released." Hawke demanded.

Cullen nodded and they followed him into the Gallows courtyard. There in the middle stood Meredith, which seemed to surprise Cullen. The mystery of who send the templars to attack was now solved apparently.

"And here you are Champion, at long last." Meredith said with a sense of superiority.

"If you have harmed her in any way, I will kill you!" Anders and Justice roared in unison.

"Release the Viscountess, Meredith!" Hawke demanded.

"You are making demands of me? The bloodmage cousin and abomination lover! Don't be absurd! I should have seen earlier how corrupt she truly was. How can we trust someone to lead our city, who lets such a creature into her bed?!" Meredith spat gesturing at Anders, whose eyes flared blue.

"You have no legal right to retain her, Knight-commander." Aveline insisted.

"She is not leaving! She is weak and your trust in her is misplaced! I will protect you from your own curses and stupidity!" Meredith spat.

"You will do no such thing! Release her or I will have the army outside charge the Gallows!" Hawke threatened.

"And the bloodmage insides rebellion! It was a mistake to let you roam freely for so long." Meredith said angrily.

"Need I remind you that the prisoner you are holding captive, is a friend of the Divine? You are going against the wishes of her most Holy by taking this action." Sebastian said sternly.

"You have only proven that you cannot be trusted and that the corruption goes even further than anyone suspected. Even turning the Divine against the Chantry and the Maker. What happens to you now is your own doing." Meredith replied firmly.

"Knight-commander, I thought we intended to arrest the Champion!" Cullen objected.

"You will do as I command, Cullen!" Meredith insisted sternly.

"No, I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad, but this is too far." Cullen insisted.

"I will not allow insubordination! We must stay true to our path! "Meredith shrieked pulling out her sword.

The sword was encrusted with red lyrium and was pulsating with a red glow.

"Andraste's dimpled buttcheeks!" Varric exclaimed.

"You recognize it, do you not? Pure lyrium, taken from the Deep Roads. The dwarf charged a great deal for his prize." Meredith said almost maliciously, while caressing the sword.

"It is more swordy than I remember." Hawke replied calmly with a grin.

"All of you, I want him dead!" Meredith shrieked lifting her sword and holding it against Hawke's throat.

"Enough! This is not what the order stands for, Knight-commander **step down**. I relive you of your command!" Cullen insisted sternly.

"My own Knight-captain falls prey to the influence of blood magic. You all have! You are all weak, allowing the mages to control your minds, to turn you against me! But I don't need any of you! I will protect this city myself!" Meredith screamed.

"You will have to go through me!" Cullen said firmly and put himself between Meredith and Hawke.

"Idiot boy! Just like all the others." Meredith said in a deadly voice.

"She has clearly gone mad." Anders said a little solemnly.

"She's lost it. Just like Bartrand." Varric agreed.

Meredith took her sword and slammed into the ground as a red glow started emanating from the sword. Like a small tornado the red magic flew around her and the air was humming with the force of energy. Hawke felt the hairs on his body stand up and the humming sound made his being quiver slightly. She knelt as if in prayer and his grip tightened around his staff, as he prepared for the full force of the idol to be released.

"Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter!" Meredith prayed and a red light flashed through her eyes.

Meredith charged them and suddenly a major battle began. Templars, mages, elves or nobles it didn't matter. They had a common goal and a common evil standing before them. A woman whose first noble intension and later obsessive need to protect, had been twisted by the idol. Like Anders had twisted Justice, she had been twisted by the idol. Only in her case there seemed to be nothing left inside of her, but her fear, rage and hurt. The air was sizzling with the energy coming from her and the adrenalin was pumping through Hawke's veins. Again and again they hit her, but whatever that idol did to her it was powerful. She was more resilient than anything Hawke and his companions had ever encountered. Just when he thought it could not get any worse Meredith's idol made the Tevinter statues come to life. Had he not been so caught up by everything happening, Hawke would probably have made a snide comment about her using magic, when she was so against it. Hawke looked to Anders, who was surprisingly keeping Justice is control and was healing and protecting their companions in any way he could. Even Cullen was healed. Hawke's heart stopped momentarily, as Meredith made a burst of energy come from her that blew Merrill across the courtyard. He was about to run to her, when Anders yelled that he would take care of her. This brought Hawke's head back to the situation currently at hand. Anders and Hawke always had each other's back, being what the other person needed and not what they necessarily wanted. Keeping each other's focus on what was important. After defeating every statue in the courtyard they finally managed to get Meredith to her knees.

"I will not be defeated! Maker aid you humble servant!" Meredith shrieked.

Suddenly she screamed in agony and the sword shattered. The magic went through her and twisted her being as she fell to her knees. Her skin covered in red cracks and her eyes glowing red, she twisted her body in pain. With one final scream her body seemed to crumble and instead her body was transformed into a golden and deformed statue. Hawke looked at Cullen who was clearly in shock.

"I need to find my cousin." Hawke requested almost softly.

"Yes, of course. Follow me." Cullen replied.

"Anders, Isabella, Varric and Fenris you are with me. The rest of you, help out here." Hawke instructed.

Cullen instructed Thrask to make sure that everyone injured got treated by the mages and that no templars took any actions against the mages. The hurried after Cullen through the Gallows and down towards the dungeons. As they passed one of the cells the saw First-Enchanter Orsino locked in one of them.

"Maker be praised! The Knight-commander has gone mad! She locked me in here and Maker only knows what she is doing to Viscountess Amell." Orsino said horrified.

"The Knight-commander is dead." Cullen informed him while unlocking the door.

"Do you know where Leila is?" Anders asked, his patience about to dissolve.

"I have an idea. Follow me." Orsino replied.

Further down in the dungeons they finally found a cell with a torch outside. They were not prepared for what they found inside. The floor was covered in blood as three templars, among them Ser Karrass, lay dead on the floor, as well as an abomination with a sword through its neck. In the corner sad a templar recruit shaking, as he looked at his fallen comrades. A little further back sat Leila, tied to a chair and her head slumped foreword. Anders ran forward and fell to his knees in front of her. He lifted her head and stroked it lovingly, but she didn't react.

"She is asleep. I can't wake her." Anders said a little desperately and began healing her.

"This is a sloth abomination." Fenris concluded examining the abomination.

Isabella walked over to Leila and opened the shackles holding her. Anders caught Leila in his arms, as she fell forward and with Isabella's help made her lay down, her head resting in his lap. Cullen walked over to the recruit and tried to get some information from him, but it was no use. Varric looked down in a bucket and picked up the brand of tranquillity.

"Hey, look at this." Varric said holding it up so all could.

"The rite of tranquillity... why would that be here?" Anders asked horrified.

"T-they tried, b-but it w-wouldn't, so they c-couldn't, and then the m-mage..." The recruit stuttered.

"Did they try to make her tranquil?" Hawke asked with disbelief and the recruit nodded almost panicky.

"She has no marks." Anders said with a little relief, stroking Leila's forehead.

"She wouldn't. They could have tried to perform it, but the mark doesn't show unless the ritual is completed. It wouldn't since she isn't a mage." Cullen explained with regret.

"Why won't she wake up then? Oh, sweetness what did they do to you?" Isabella said with concern looking at Leila.

"If Meredith was certain she was a mage, she could have tried to sever the connection to the fade, by sending a mage into it. If the mage turned into an abomination, while both he and she was trapped there she might still be in the fade." Orsino explained in a mournful voice.

"Then we will have to go in after her." Anders said with determination.

"Indeed, but we better hurry. It doesn't look like we have much time left." Fenris agreed.

"First-Enchanter can you provide us with what we need?" Hawke asked.

"Yes, I will get it immediately." Orsino replied and ran off.

Hawke looked at Anders, who was cradling Leila in his arms and kissing her forehead. A sight which was becoming all too familiar for Hawke's taste.


	62. Chapter 62 Reality

**Reality**

Holding Leila in his arms he could feel her getting colder. They were running out of time. Anders could feel his heart aching at the thought of losing her. He was furious with her. His heart was telling him that she had no right to do this. She had risked everything and almost made herself a martyr. Just as he would have had, even though their means had been so different. Justice, on the other hand, was proud of her. He admired the courage she had shown and the righteousness of her actions. She had been willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to insure others peoples safety and rights. The spirit was worried though. He didn't want to lose her anymore than Anders did. The beauty of the world would lessen significantly if she wasn't part of it.

"Hold on a little longer, love." Anders pleaded in a whisper against her forehead.

Hawke was pacing back and forth in frustration, while Varric was looking at Bianca and Isabella was twirling her knives. Fenris was leaning against the wall, seemingly calm, but Anders knew that he wasn't. Despite their differences a friendship had bloomed between him and Leila. Not something that pleased Anders, but he respected it. Cullen walked over next to them and kneeled down. He removed his glove and felt Leila's cold skin. Justice almost lashed out to prevent the templar from touching her, but Anders recognized the gesture as being concerned and caring. He only just managed to hold back his spirit.

"The First-enchanter should be here soon... I should have prevented this." Cullen said his voice full of remorse.

"Yes, you should." Anders said firmly and Cullen sighed.

"After what happened in the tower in Ferelden and Uldred's depravities, I wanted to do anything to prevent that from happening again. I had never suspected people within the order to be capable of the same." Cullen said wistfully.

"You must have been wilfully blind." Anders replied almost mockingly.

"Maybe so... I remember the first time I saw her. She accused our order of having lost its way and begged us to show mercy towards a woman she didn't know... For awhile I began to doubt, but I never suspected just how true her words actually were... until today." Cullen replied with a pained expression.

"I remember, she came to me with a bruised and cut cheek. One of your templars almost broke her jaw." Anders said angrily, but the memories of what happened later flooded his mind as well. If she had not tried to stop that execution that day, they might never have found the courage to tell each other how they truly felt.

"I know... She has risked a great deal for you Anders. I hope she is not just one of your many conquests." Cullen said almost warningly.

"This is not the circle, Cullen." Anders reminded him almost sternly.

"Do you two know each other?" Hawke asked with surprise.

"Know of, is a better description. We were both stationed in the Circle tower in Ferelden. Word gets around." Anders explained calmly, checking Leila's vitals once again.

He heated his hand and a warm glow emanated from it warming her. Finally Orsino returned with lyrium and had Alain and Merrill with him.

"Oh, Maker. Not her." Alain said concerned and ran over to Leila.

"We need to enter the fade now. " Anders hurried.

"Yes, we need three mages to channel the spell and send the rest into the fade. I suggest not going alone, but go in as a group." Orsino suggested getting the ritual ready.

"Alright, Anders, Isabella and Varric. You are with me." Hawke instructed.  
Merrill walked over next to Anders who softly placed Leila on the ground.

"Make sure she stays warm." Anders told Merrill softly.

"You can count on me Anders." Merrill said comforting.

"I know." He smiled softly and stood up.  
They gathered around and prepared to enter the fade.

-OOO-

Justice immediately felt the expands of the fade passing through him. A familiar feeling, which was somehow comforting him. He could lose himself in that feeling alone if it wasn't for his purpose. He opened his eyes and even he, had never seen the fade unfold itself like this. He knew from Anders' conversations with Leila that her world was far different from the mortals he knew, but this was unlike anything he had seen. Everything around them seemed to be made from stone and buildings like towers disrupted the views around them. Even the ground was covered in tiles and stone that he had never seen before. All around them there were lights, but there was no fire. It was like a magic glow was emanating from the objects, but Leila had told him there was no such thing as magic in her world. He remembered the device Leila had shown Anders and really he should not be surprised by these unfamiliar sights. He turned and looked at his companions who were looking around them. The pirate looked fascinated.

"Great Ancestors! I have never seen anything like this!" The dwarf exclaimed and was turning his head over backwards and it was surprising that he didn't fall over.

"Is this were Leila comes from?" Hawke wondered his eyes widening as he looked around.

"This is Leila's dream, so I would suspect so." Justice replied calmly.

Justice looked around and was surprised by how calm this part of the fade was. If Leila were present this would have seemed to be more vibrant and lively. As if his thoughts brought about the change the surroundings began moving and he was almost overwhelmed by all the sounds coming from different directions. Large objects on wheels started moving at an impossible speed through the streets. Hawke got so surprised that he hit one of them with a stone fist turning it over and crashing with other similar objects. They caught fire and people(images of the fade) ran out of them.

"Andrastes granny-panties! You scared me, Hawke!" Isabella scolded as she jumped back.

"I-I'm sorry... what are those things?" Hawke stuttered.

"Leila mentioned them once. Carriages without horses. They should be quite common, but I suggest avoiding their path." Justice replied.

"There is Sunshine!" Varric pointed on the other side of the street.

As she approached, the carnage of Hawke's "incident" disappeared and everything was put into order of a sort. People were hurrying past them and some seemed to have conversations with themselves. They were pushing past them and even standing in one spot seemed impossible. Justice looked at Leila who was walking along with a man and woman. Justice recognized the woman as Leila's mother and his heart was heavy with grief for her. Foul demons preying on the most vulnerable parts of her. Isabella started shouting and jumping for Leila to notice them, when Justice grabbed her arm.

"Stop you foolishness mortal! We can't wake her suddenly! It may damage her." Justice scolded.

"Ouch, that hurt! I really do prefer Anders." Isabella grumbled and rubbed her arm.

"He is right though, but how are we even going to come into contact with her? This place is more crowded and noisy than the Hanged Man!" Hawke said with annoyance as he was pushed by a woman passing him.

"Let us follow her. Perhaps she will go to a place quieter." Varric suggested.

They followed Leila, but it was easier said than done. They would try to cross the street, but it seemed impossible. The carriages would stop and then move again suddenly and sometimes pedestrians would stand still for a longer period of time and then start walking. There were so many sounds and lights, deciphering their meaning seemed impossible. Finally Varric noticed that fast sounds meant "walk" and slow meant "stay". This task was not made easier by the pirate, who would stop every once in a while and look into the windows, fascinated by the clothes, jewellery or what other senseless items she found interesting.

"Oh! This thing just gives them money! I want one of those!" Isabella said exited looking at a device were people would press the glass and suddenly get some sort of currency.

"It can't be as easy as that, Rivani. What kind of society just gives away money?" Varric replied.

"That's nothing look over there..." Hawke began, but Justice interrupted him.

"Would you stop your childishness and focus on what is important?" Justice growled.

"Always such a stick in the mud!" Isabella grumbled and followed him.

They finally reached a building, where Leila and her family went inside. Justice could feel Anders' emotions. He was hurting for Leila, because she seemed so happy. He was hurting for everything she had lost and he was hurting because this was a pain that he could do nothing to ease. They walked into the building, but as soon as she entered her door time seemed to change. Suddenly it was evening and Justice was about to enter the room, when Hawke held him back.

"Look." He said in a hushed voice and a figure appeared in front of her door.

Her door opened and Justice's heart skipped a beat as he saw Leila. Justice had never fully understood the carnal desires that Anders enjoyed, but seeing her like this, he thought that someday perhaps he might. She was wearing a red dress that left a lot of her legs exposed, showed a generous part of her cleavage and her back.

"Oh, she looks good in that! I want a dress just like it." Isabella said with a smile eying Leila almost hungrily.

Justice felt himself growing jealous, but Anders reminded him that it was just Isabella's way and there were no serious intentions involved.

"I am more impressed by those shoes! They must be painful to walk in. Makes her hips sway delightfully though." Hawke grinned.

"Would you stop perceiving her as if she was your prey?" Justice grumbled.

"Easy Blondie, take a look at the man she is with." Varric comforted and Justice then noticed the man standing close to her.

It looked like him... or more like Anders before their merging. A man more conscious about his looks and with a less worried expression. In a way it warmed their hearts that they were the once portrayed in this fantasy of hers, but it also worried them. Was this how she wanted him to be? An Anders without Justice? A man not lost to his cause and fighting with tooth and nail to achieve what he believed in. Would she prefer someone more lenient and carefree? Someone who could always put her first and above anything else in the world? Suddenly he felt himself less eager to disrupt everything. She seemed so happy, but this was a fake sense of happiness. It would be an injustice to let her keep this delusion. They followed her again and several times attempted to come into contact with her. Maybe by seeing them she would realise that this wasn't real.

"This is the work of a sloth demon." Justice explained as they followed her closely, trying desperately not to lose her in the crowd.

"I would never have thought her give into one. Perhaps she finally decided to take my advice and slow down." Hawke chuckled.

"This is not a laughing matter!" Justice scolded.

"Would you two get over yourself? We have got work to do!" Isabella groaned.

"I'm with Rivani on this one. Hey look. They are going inside that building." Varric said and the followed them inside.

Looking around it looked like a fancy tavern. Lots of tables with tablecloths and fine chairs and for the first time since they had been there, they actually saw candlelight.

"Oh, they have a bar!" Isabella said with excitement.

"You do realise none of this is real right?" Hawke chuckled.

"I don't care, when will I else get the opportunity to see something like this?" Isabella replied and walked towards the bar.

"I think we lost Rivani. Better get this over with." Varric suggested.

The three men were on their way over to Leila, when five shades appeared in front of them blocking their path. Justice cast a cone of cold, freezing them in place as Hawke cast chain lightening and Varric made arrows rain over them. Justice cast a fireball and they were disposed of. Unfortunately Leila was already gone by now. He looked around franticly to find her, but couldn't see her anyway.

"This way!" Isabella shouted from the door.

They all hurried out of the building and ran through the streets trying to catch up to Leila. They only just managed to reach her, when they saw her disappearing into another building. They followed her inside and they all covered their ears.

"Andraste's tits! What are they trying to do? Make us deaf?" Varric shouted in order for the other to hear him.

"Oh, I like the dancing! The Rose should have a place like this!" Hawke grinned.

They looked around the room and it was filled with people. There was hardly room to move and with all the noise and loud music. Justice was surprised that anyone could have a conversation with all this commotion. There was no way they could make Leila wake from the fade peacefully in this chaos. This was undoubtedly what the demon wanted. Isabella grabbed a drink from one of the tables and took a sip. It had the most unusual colour and seemed to go from red to yellow. Almost like a sunrise.

"Oh, this is good! If we had place like this in Kirkwall the Hanged Man would go out of business." Isabella laughed.

"Don't even joke about such a thing!" Varric replied mortified.

Justice looked at Hawke who was taken in by all the people dancing, but Justice was almost a little disgusted. The people dancing almost made it look like they were having sex. Anders was a little more fascinated by this, but his mind was more preoccupied with finding Leila. Tired of Hawke's gaping Justice hit him gently on the shoulder, in a manner that Anders would normally do.

"Would you show some self-control? That behaviour is highly unbecoming." Justice corrected.

"I know, but just look at them!" Hawke said in awe.

"We need to find Leila." Justice reminded him.

"Yes of course." Hawke agreed and jumped up on one of the impossible high chairs to look over the crowd.

After a few moments Hawke pointed to the middle of the room and Justice turned to look. He spotted Leila walking through the room with the reflection of himself. She was so at ease in this world, that seemed so confusing, loud and changeable. In these moments he got a small taste of what she had gone through when she first arrived in Thedas. How strange it all must have been to her and he admired how she had adapted to her surroundings. As he saw her here, he couldn't shake the feeling that this was an environment where she belonged. It had been unjust of him to just let go of the change to help her go back, because a part of him so desperately had wanted her to stay. Memories started to flash through his mind.

_"Were you happy? Before you left your world?" Anders had asked softly._

"I was... alright, but this is the first time I have felt happy in years." She smiled giving him a kiss.  
"If you find a way... will you go back?" He had asked carefully.

"I don't know anymore. I don't know if there is a place for me any longer. Besides, who would believe me if I told them where I have been. They would think me mental." She chuckled a little sadly. She turned and rested on his chest looking down at him.

"And I don't think I can bear to leave you." She said sweetly before kissing him deeply.

Justice felt his doubt vanish and once again reminded himself of his purpose of coming here; To save Leila from the demon. He saw his mirror image taking her hand and pulling her out the room and he quickly followed. Hawke was calling, but he ignored him. He needed to get to her, before the demon completely enraptured her. He saw them vanish into an alleyway and he followed them. His reflection had her pushed against a wall kissing and touching, like Anders had done so many times before. The demon was playing with a person that it had no right to possess.

"**Get away from her foul demon!**" Justice shouted as his mind blast made his reflection fly across the alley.

The apparition hit the wall and vanished. He turned towards Leila, who was looking at him with widened eyes and breathing heavily. She was afraid. He ran towards her and caught her shoulders, as she was about to sink to the ground. Feeling her balance returning, he began to want to heal her, making sure the demon controlling this realm, had done her no harm. As his hands began to glow blue, she flinched and fear was showing on her face. His heart ached to think that she would ever believe him capable of harming her. She had never shown fear of magic before.

"I would never hurt you." He said softly hoping to calm her.

She looked into his eyes, as if she was studying and he looked at her with a soft gaze, his heart begging her to recognize him. Slowly she lifted her hand and touched his as she had done the day they met her.

"I have done this before." She said with a sudden realisation.

"That's right. Try to remember, my love." He said lovingly.

His heart was fluttering at the endearment, usually only used by Anders. His heart was bursting, as hope returned. She was starting to remember. These were things the part of him, that was Anders, was familiar with. Justice had almost no firsthand experiences with such things. He had been a little apprehensive that he was the one to convince her that all this was fake. He knew that she said that she loved both of them, but somehow Justice had always had trouble believing that. In this area he felt inferior to Anders. He saw panic in her eyes and caught her as she was about to fall to the ground.

"What is going on?" She asked desperately.

"You are in the fade, nothing here is real. Try to remember." He explained, secretly praying that she would believe him.

"What if I don't want to? I am happy here. The memories that keep escaping me are filled with worry. Why would I want to go back to that?" She said both angrily and pleadingly.

"Because they are also filled with love. Real love, not this shadow these creatures create for you. Please, there are people who love you and want you back." He said patiently, hoping that he could convince her.

"Like who?" She asked with disbelief.

"Hawke, Merrill, Anders, Maia and I, Justice. We love you, just as you do us." He said softly, stroking her cheek affectionately.

Suddenly she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him almost desperately. He returned it eagerly, holding her waist and pulling her against him. When she pulled away she hid her face in the crook of his neck. He took in the scent of her hair and kept kissing it. He knew that her state of mind wasn't completely cleared yet, but he knew now, that it wouldn't be long.

"I love you." She breathed against his neck.

"I love you too, more than you realise." He replied squeezing her a little tighter.

The world around them began to dissolve and the stood in nothing but fog. Hawke, Isabella and Varric walked towards them, looking at the scenery vanishing before them. Hawke's eyes lit up as he saw Leila in Justice's arms.

"Leila! Thank the Maker!" He exclaimed happily.

Leila looked at him confused and held on to Justice.

"Leila, what's wrong?" Hawke asked almost hurt.

"The demon is toying with her mind, she does not remember everything yet." Justice explained stroking her back to give her some comfort.

"Then let us find this thing." Hawke said with determination.

At that moment a sloth demon emerged from the fog. One of the most powerful once Justice had ever come across. He felt Leila clinging to him desperately. He had never seen her this afraid, but he knew the demon was influencing her. They draw their weapons all of them ready to attack the foul creature.

"Stay away demon! You will not have her!" Justice warned, pulling Leila to stand behind him.

"Such hostility before we have even had the change to become acquainted. I am Lethargy and I roam his part of the fade." The sloth demon introduced himself.

"Look I have had it with your kind. Get out of my way or die!" Hawke said angrily.

"That is not your decision, it is hers." Lethargy replied pointing at Leila.

Justice turned to look at her and she rubbed her forehead. Lethargy's power over her was fading quickly and this brought relief to Justice's heart. Determination returned to her eyes as she looked up at him and recognition started to show in her eyes. She stepped forward and looked at the demon.

"I want nothing you have to offer. Release me and my friends or suffer the consequences." Leila threatened crossing her arms.

"Spoken like true leader, but are you sure? I could send you home again. To a world more advanced than the primitive one you find yourself in. You could have your life back." Lethargy replied almost suggestively.

"I have my life back." She smiled taking Justice's hand and squeezing it.

"Touching that you have such faith in the spirit. That you think that he is so unlike, what I am. Let me show you what your spirit is truly capable of." Lethargy said darkly.

Suddenly they were in Kirkwall looking at reflections of themselves. Anders' reflection slammed his staff into the ground and they heard a sizzle in the air before a massive bang sounded. They turned to see the chantry being torn apart in the air and reduced to rubble. Justice looked at Leila, whose face turned pale and then time seemed to stop. He had never wished her to know of this, never wanted her to bear that burden.

"You want to blow up the Chantry?" Hawke asked looking at him with disbelief.

"Not anymore. I abandoned those plans months ago." Justice replied, but Leila's expression remained the same.

"You intended to massacre all those people." She stated, more shocked than anything else.

"Why?" Varric asked completely dumbfounded.

"We saw no alternative than to force a confrontation with the templars. We believed it the only way to make the world stop ignoring the injustices that mages suffers." Justice explained.

"Bold plan." Isabella replied almost with admiration.

"Maybe you were right... Why did you change your mind?" Hawke asked looking up at the dust flying through the air.

"Someone made be believe there was another way." He said softly looking at Leila, whose expression he could not determine.

She shook her head and turned to Lethargy still waiting for his answer and almost revelling in satisfaction, as a mighty virtues spirit had been exposed as being warped and twisted beyond recognition.

"I want nothing to do with you." Leila said firmly looking at Lethargy.

"Have it your way then." The spirit sighed and attacked.

Leila took one of Isabella's daggers and ran towards the demon, before any of them could stop her. Leila and Lethargy ran towards each other, but at the last moment Leila stepped aside and the creature almost lost its balance. She grabbed its head from behind and cut its throat. Varric shot repeatedly at its chest, Isabella threw her dagger, while Justice and Hawke send any spell they could directly at the demon. Leila sank her dagger into Lethargy's back and it fell to the ground. Her eyes met Justice's and his heart ached at the normally warm eyes, which were now cold. The fade dissolved.


	63. Chapter 63 Butterfly

Butterfly

When Anders awoke from the fade he was feeling as apprehensive as ever. She was never supposed to find out about what he and Justice had intended. He quickly got up and saw that she was still resting in Merrill's lap. He looked at Varric, Isabella and Hawke, who all made an unspoken agreement, that was what revealed in the fade would never leave their lips. Anders walked over and lifted Leila into his arms wanting to take her out of the cell to wake up. She had been through enough for one day and he didn't want her waking up surrounded by blood, dead templars and abomination, in a room where she had most likely been tortured. He faintly heard Hawke telling the others, that Leila had been saved from the demon and that they were taking her home. Anders was relieved that they had managed to save her, but the knowledge that she now knew what he was capable of... it scared him to death. He had only just reached the outside of the Gallows when she started stirring. He sat down on the stairs and waited for her to wake. Her eyes fluttered open and she seemed very fragile.

"Anders..." She said softly.

"It's alright, love. Everything will be fine." He said softly, not truly knowing if he believed those words himself.

She sat up in his lap and looked around, for a moment disoriented. She rubbed her wrists, where the cuffs had torn her skin.

"I healed you." He explained and let his hands heal her again.

"Thank you." She said simply and it pained him how little love or emotion there were in those words.

"Love, let me explain..." He began.

"Not now. This is nor the time or place." She said firmly and stood up.

He nodded in agreement, not trusting himself to speak. Hawke came out from inside and embraced Leila tightly.

"You are insane! You know that right?" He chuckled.

"Perhaps a little. How did you get me out? Where is Meredith?" Leila asked.

"That is quite a story, Sunshine. Come and we will show you." Varric replied.

They walked into the courtyard and Leila was greeted by all the companions. Leila looked around the courtyard and looked at the fallen statues, clearly troubled by all that had been caused on her behalf. They all began explaining to her what happened and the more that was revealed to Leila, the more troubled she seemed to become. Anders knew she was blaming herself for this and he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. Yet he dared not. He had no idea what feelings she had towards him or if she still saw him the same way. How could she? Even he knew that what he intended to do was terrible, even though he believed it necessary. Had it not been for her, there would have been no other way. Leila looked seriously at the remains on the Knight-commander. She walked to stand in front of it and with her fingertips stroked Meredith's cheek.

"I am so sorry it came to this. May you have found peace." Leila said softly and the templars looked at her in awe.

Cullen stepped forward and looked at Leila. He kneeled in front of her, as did the rest of the templars. Aveline and her guards kneeled and Hawke and his companions followed suit. Anders kneeled and looked at the woman, who was now truly the most powerful influence in Kirkwall. Leila looked around them with a soft expression on her face and smiled at Cullen.

"Viscountess Amell, you can rely on the full cooperation of the templar order and we are mortified of what you have suffered at our hands." Cullen said loud enough for the crowd to hear.

"I did not suffer at your hands, Knight-captain Cullen. Let this day be a reminder to us that power can be abused no matter who holds it. It is the individuals that are dangerous, not the definitions of what and who we are. And may no one else be punished for the wrongdoings of those, who go under the same definition as us." Leila replied loudly.

"You are gracious, Your Excellency." Cullen replied.

"Thank you all for protecting the city and I, when you were needed the most. Now rise. For the service you have performed here today, I should be the one bowing to you." Leila continued.

When the crowd arose Leila bowed humbly at the crowd, before turning and walking out of the Gallows, with Hawke and his companion's right behind her. As they reached the outer walls of the Gallows Leila saw the full extent of the people who had showed up to defend her and she was grinning with disbelief.

"**We freed our Viscountess!**" Hawke shouted and the crowd cheered.

"So The Hanged Man for drinks?" Varric asked.

"I think I'll better get home to Maia." Leila replied with a tired expression and the dwarf nodded with understanding.

-OOO-

Anders had been leaning against that door for minutes now. He knew that his love and daughter where inside, but he was hesitant about facing them. As long as he stayed right there he had lost nothing, but the moment that door opened he might have lost it all. His body slightly trembling, he released a breath before finally opening the door slowly. Leila was sitting on the bed with Maia in her lap, her back turned towards the door and dressed in nothing but a thin white night gown.

"I love you so much, sweetheart. I will never let any harm come to you." She swore holding her child close to her.

Maia made a happy sound, as she saw her father over Leila's shoulder. Leila turned to look at him, her expression full of remorse. Anders could feel his heart tightening at this. Maia reached her arms towards him and he walked over next to the bed. He kissed Maia on her head and she grabbed hold of his feathered shoulders.

"She is not letting go of you, you know." Leila smiled, but there was sadness in her eyes.  
She handed him Maia and stood up to walk away.

"We need to talk." He said softly, holding Maia close to him.  
She stopped, but didn't turn.

"What would you like to discuss first? Do you want to scold me for risking my own life? Or do you want to try and explain why you intended to perform a massacre?" She asked calmly, not turning to face him.

"I never wanted to kill anyone, but the templars were pressing the mages so hard, that I saw no alternative than to force a confrontation. My intention was to make the world realise that what the Chantry is doing is wrong. I couldn't let them continue to bludgeon us into submission. I want a world where Maia will never see the inside of a circle." He explained.

"I think I understand, but I will never agree with it." She replied still with her back turned towards him.

"But I didn't go through with it. You gave me hope and created another way. If it hadn't been for you the future of mages would still be bleak." He replied, pleading for her to understand.

She finally turned to look at him, but he was unable to read her expression.

"The problem is, Anders, I always knew you killed people, but I convinced myself it was in self defence. It wasn't until today, I realised that you could be a murderer." She said seriously looking at him.

Her expression was remorseful, mournful and filled with pity. There was no anger, but only hurt and disappointment. He would have given anything for her to cry or yell at him, hit him even. Anything that would cleanse the air of tension between them.

"You said you would do anything to keep me and Maia safe. I would do the same. There is no one I wouldn't kill, to make sure that you and Maia would not spend the rest of your days being hunted like animals." He defended heatedly.

"I know." She sighed heavily.

She walked out on the balcony and rested against the railing. Anders placed Maia in her crib and sat beside it until she fell asleep. It happened quicker than usual and he figured his daughter must have had a long day as well. He stood up and looked out on the balcony were Leila stood. The breeze was making the thin fabric and her lose hair move. The waves of her long hair making movements like the sea against the shore. The moonlight shining in her hair and white fabric made her seem almost glowing. She was like a mirage in the middle of a dessert and like many times before he found himself wondering, if she was real. He hesitantly walked up behind Leila, not touching her, but close enough for her to feel his presence.

"You were so reckless... I could have lost you... but perhaps I did anyway?" He said sadly looking at her.

"What do you want me to say, Anders?" She sighed heavily.

"I told you I would break your heart. Just know it breaks mine to do it." He said sadly.

"You cannot break it unless I allow it." She replied calmly.

"I will never understand how you can be so apathetic by day and so passionate by night." He said in slight annoyance.

"And I cannot understand how you can be a healer by day and a killer by night!" She countered, barely keeping her temper under control.

She turned to look at him and that cold fury was burning in her eyes, barely kept in check by her self-control. This was what he had been waiting for. He wanted that cold facade of hers to crumble, so he could get past it. It was impossible to truly make her understand, as long as she kept her emotions at a distance. This was not an issue that could be resolved with level-headed logic and reasonable compromises.

"Not long after we first met, you told me that losing once self, when you were desperate, was human. You told me that a man who lost himself to desperation and insanity should not be judged as harshly. Has that changed since you came here?" He asked heatedly.

"Of course not." She replied shaking her head.

He closed the final distance between them and held her by her shoulders, relieved that she did not object to his touch.

"I only wanted to do what I thought was necessary and I never wanted it to come back on you. You did things I thought was impossible and I began to believe that there was another way." He said softly, hoping with all his being that she was able to forgive him.

She sighed heavily and avoided his eyes, as she turned away from him. She looked up at the midnight sky and he felt his heart ache. She always did that when longing for her own world. She had been so determined to stay because of him, had his plans removed her desire to stay? He stood there observing her, fearing that should he merely blink she would disappear from his side forever.

"Do you know what the butterfly effect is?" She asked suddenly.

"No." He said a little confused, as he was drawn from his thoughts.

"On my world we hypothesized that it was possible to travel back through time. One theory in relation to this is called the butterfly effect. The hypothesis was that should you travel back in time and destroy something seemingly insignificant, like a butterfly, it would change the cause of history. The butterfly would not go to the places it should and then other things would not come to pass. This change would spread like rings in the water and permanently change events through time. When you then return to your own time it would have been significantly altered from the one you came from." Leila explained.

"I think I understand... why are you thinking about this now?" He asked.

"I sometimes feel like I am that butterfly. That I am changing the way things should be and I don't know if it is for better or worse. What if you were meant to destroy the Chantry? What if I had never pressured Meredith?" She said wistfully.

"I thought you were too practical to believe in destiny." He smiled softly.

"I don't know what to believe anymore. I should never have come here. I should never have tried to change things. If I hadn't encouraged you, maybe you wouldn't have considered something so drastic." She said angrily, but her anger was turned towards herself.

"No, don't think like that." He said pleadingly and walked up and turned her around forcing her to look at her.

"You taught me that we are responsible for our own actions and feelings, don't blame yourself for mine. And I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't come here. I dread even to think of it. Before you everything seemed so hopeless, but you changed that. You took up a fight that had nothing to do with you and followed your convictions. You stopped me from doing something horrible by giving me another option and you didn't even know it." He said passionately.

"You are exaggerating." She dismissed, shaking her head.

"No I'm not. All those people who showed up and supported you did it because you do the same for them. You give us hope. You are the one shining light of my life and if you leave, the world might as well have ended." He said seriously and he could see her eyes watering and her breathing becoming heavy.

"Don't say such things when... when..." She tried to finish her sentence, but lost her words.

"When you are trying to convince yourself that you don't love me?" He replied with a knowing smirk.

"Yes!" She said heatedly and pushed him away.

He smiled as he pulled her close and kissed her passionately and a little forcibly. She resisted for the first few seconds, but then wrapped her arms around his neck returning the kiss with equal passion. He moaned as she almost devoured him, draining him and filling him all at once. She pushed him away suddenly.

"We can't just pretend..." She began, but he silenced her with a kiss.

"I love you." He breathed against her lips.

She looked up at him with teary eyes before wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, holding on to him desperately.

"Thank you for not going through with it." She whispered holding back her tears.

He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, as he began carrying inside. She began kissing his neck and it sent shivers down his spine. As he walked pasted the crib he made sure Maia was still asleep. They really needed to get a room for her. He placed Leila on the bed and placed himself above her as he kept kissing her. Unexpectedly she rolled him over on his back and straddled him.

"Oh, no. Tonight you are mine." She growled in a playful whisper against his lips, as she held his arms over his head.

"I'm always yours." He whispered lovingly.

She began almost franticly opening his buckles and belt, that were by now so familiar to her that she did it with ease. He felt his pulse speed up with anticipation, but he caught a glimpse of something in her eyes. She was in pain, worried and afraid. What had been revealed and done to her had hurt her, possibly beyond repair. Now she was pushing them away and grabbing hold to anything that could make her feel alive and empowered. As much as it hurt him to see her like this, he was grateful that he was the one she took comfort in. A comfort that he had taken from her times beyond counting. His coat, tunic and shirt ended as a pile on the floor and she began trailing kissing along the scars on his chest. She began undoing his trousers and stood up to pull of them and his boots. He was about to sit up, when she pushed him back down. She straddled him again and grabbed his wrist holding him down onto the bed. He didn't resist at first, but as her movements intensified and the pressure below began building, he with filled with a need to touch her. He tried to wiggle free, but she was stronger than she looked. She held him in place, as he gasped and tried desperately to keep his sounds of lust under control, when in reality he wanted to cry out her name. He angled himself to make sure he was hitting the spot that would make her own desire embrace her fully. When she gave a low moan and closed her eyes, he felt the grip on his wrists loosening. He took the opportunity to pull free of her grasp and sat up claiming her lips in a heated kiss. He kissed and nibbled his way down her throat, as his hands pushed her dress of her shoulders and the piece of clothing gathered at her waist. She placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him down onto the bed, as his hands roamed freely from her neck to her breasts. Somewhere in his mind Justice reminded him to keep his sounds under control and Anders reached for a pillow. He covered his head with the pillow and began biting into the pillow, as his eruption was getting excruciatingly close. Leila kept her own sounds under control with a willpower only she possessed and he barely heard her. He bit into the pillow as he gave a muffled cry, arching his hips into her. He vaguely noticed the pillow moving and it was replaced with her lips. Her wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed the comfort of feeling her warm, moist skin against his own.

"I love you, you idiot." She chuckled a little sadly in a whisper.

"I love you too." He smiled.

She rested her head against his shoulder still straddling him and he let his hands trail up and down her spine. He kissed her temple and could taste the small pearls of sweat.

"You still believe a revolution is necessary even though Meredith is gone." Leila stated softly and he sighed a little regretfully.

"The circle is an injustice in many places beyond Kirkwall. Kirkwall can't change alone, love." He said softly.

"I know... I received a letter from the Divine urging me not to marry you, because of what political difficulties it might ensue. From what I understand several Grand Clerics has already noted their displeasure." She said sadly.

"Because you are the Viscountess and if I marry you I might get influence. 'Magic is not meant to rule over man'. Have you replied yet?" He asked still stroking her back.

"Yes, I told her that her concern and objection was noted, but I would marry you and deal with the consequences of it... however severe they might be. Everyone deserves equal rights and I will make that statement known by marrying you." She replied with concern evident in her voice.

"Are you sure you want to marry me?" He asked hesitantly.

She lifted herself off him and looked down into his eyes, with a gaze that was both loving and worried.

"If we do this, we might start a revolt. A mage marrying a political figure will cause displeasure and worry. Not just here, but throughout Thedas. There are those who would wish us removed from our posts and dead even. Then there are those who will wish for the same freedoms and I am not sure everyone will give it to them. Even if the Divine encourages it. I don't know what repercussions this will have, but I know there will be some. So I ask you, are you sure you want to marry me?" She asked seriously.  
He sat up and claimed her lips in a passionate and loving kiss.

"I am positive. We will fight for a world, where our children can be born mages and free." He smiled against her lips and pulled her back down onto the bed.

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-_

_As you can see I have changed the ending of the storeline in the game a bit. I would love to hear what you thought of my changes. There is still a little while to go before my story if finished, so if you have some suggestions or something you would like a deeper explanation/exploration of, please let me know. Thank you for all your support. Hugs Cowoline._


	64. Chapter 64 Bound

Bound

Restoring Kirkwall after Meredith's demise was a challenge. The templar order needed to regain trust and rebuild an order, which was now more feared than ever. It was clear to Knight-Captain Cullen that the templars once strong hold on Kirkwall had slipped through their fingers. A new leader and authorisation was protecting Kirkwall now. Alistair and Elissa Therin were ruling Ferelden and bringing about change and Stark Haven too had a new ruler. These four powerful people had made an allegiance that even made Orlais pause. But no one dreaded more than the templars, as neither Leila Amell nor the Therin's were easily trifled with. They did what was in the best interest of their people first and the Chantry second. Cullen knew that there was already unrest within the templar order, but had dismissed it until he saw Meredith's actions. The Divine had asked him to resume the post of Knight-commander in Kirkwall, but he was hesitant. He had seen abuses on both sides, but he was not sure he would agree with the ruler of Kirkwall. Especially, since she was soon to marry not only a mage, but a mage who had shown to have strong aversion to the Chantry and templar order. Free or not, this could only bring about trouble. Yet, he was reminded of Amell's reaction to the body of Meredith. There was heartfelt remorse, even for one who had proven herself to be an enemy. And she did have the ear of the Divine. He was reminded of the girl who was willing to risk her own life to save a stranger. One who appealed to their mercy instead of accusing them of cruelty. Therefore he had granted his full support to Leila Amell, who was now the true leader of Kirkwall and not just acting Viscountess. Still it was with hesitation that he approached her office, as the Maker had a way of turning his world upside down, when he least expected it. Seneschal Bran let him inside her office and Cullen was greeted warmly by the Viscountess, which honestly surprised him.

"Cullen, I'm glad you are here. I'm sorry for pulling you away from the Gallows, I know things are somewhat unresolved. Please sit down." Leila smiled, gesturing to a chair opposite her desk.

"Thank you, your Excellency. Your missive said it was important, so of course I am willing to oblige." Cullen replied sitting down.

"I'll get to the point. Things between the order and myself have been strained. This has of course caused a great deal of distress and worry among the citizens. Not to mention a rather poor opinion and suspicion of both the order and the Vicountess' office." She began.

"The order, yes. But you seemed to be quite loved." He replied a little surprised.

"The templars are also my citizens and I doubt all of them are fond of me. Not to mention Meredith was not hated by all. Many thought she provided a necessary service and I agree. To an extent. That is why I would like us to have a more productive and reasonable relationship in the future." She said seriously.

"I think that would be in all our interests. What would you suggest?" He asked with heightened interest.

"These are suggestions approved by the Divine. Some of them you are already aware of; Mages continuing to join the guard and running the clinic in Lowtown, without losing their privileges in the Gallows. What is not known is that, the Divine intends to find a way for mages to be reintegrated into society, not isolated from it." She explained handing him the documents.

"How is this to be achieved exactly? Mages are dangerous." He reminded her.

"People are dangerous, but we cannot lock up our entire society. The Divine that the Kirkwall circle makes a council of both templars, mages and city representatives, to work on improvements that can be made to the Circle. The Divine has also made a list to suggest, who she would like to see on the council." She continued and pulled out another document and began listing the names.

"Knight-Commander Cullen, Knight-Captain Thrask, Ser Kerran, Enchanther Alain, First-Enchanter Orsino, Champion Garrett Hawke and myself." She looked at him handing him the document.

"So we are just giving into them?" Cullen asked, clearly upset.

"We are not giving in to anything. We realise that there is a problem and find a way to deal with it, rather than ignoring it. What we are doing might already be too late, but we need to try." Leila said softly.

"But they are not people like you and I!" Cullen replied heatedly.

"And Meredith was?" She asked calmly.

Cullen looked at her, before rubbing his face. After what Uldred and what Meredith did, he had trouble defining right from wrong anymore. Good from bad. He had tried so hard to divide things into black and white, but there just wasn't such option anymore.

"Alright. Let us try to find a balance between protecting and incarcerate." He sighed obviously worried.

Leila reached for his hands and smiled at him, as she observed him with gently eyes. For that moment she gave him a feeling that it was going to be alright, that they could do this.

"Thank you. Now I know that not all of your templars will be comfortable with this and the Divine suggested that these could ask for a transfer to any circle or Chantry the wished. She also requests that you and Thrask look over your current templars carefully and see if you can find the extremist hiding within the order." She said going through her letters making sure she was not forgetting anything.

"Of course." He replied calmly.

"There is something else, but this is between you and me. Meredith and your order were not lying, when you said that there is an alarming number of dangerous mages in this city. I would like to make a small part of the guard, who will specialize in dealing with these mages. The templar order does have trouble getting people to cooperate and after Meredith I suspect this will not have changed."

"You are unfortunately correct. What would you suggest?" He asked leaning forward in his chair.

"I want to make an addition to the guard of both templars and mages, working together to seek out these mages and rogue templars. They will then be brought to the circle. This group will however answer to the Guard-captain first and the templar order second." She explained.

"In other words, you want to interfere in templar duties." He said a little sternly.

"No, I want to aid you and protect the citizens of Kirkwall. And let me speak plainly. I am marrying a mage, which makes me impartial to these things. I would be blind and foolish to claim otherwise, but I want to show the citizens, mages and templars, that it does not leave me blind to act against threats. Even if I am not completely bias." She said seriously.

"I understand... After the incident in the Gallows, we are having trouble restoring order. Perhaps it is time that we realise out limitations and trust that the city guard are capable of keeping order." He agreed both sadly and reluctantly.

"Thank you. One last thing, about my marriage. Can I still count on your cooperation, even after I am married?" She asked seriously.

"As I understand it, you were given dispensation from the Divine herself. I have no right or wish to interfere. The city has been through enough, but if I may offer some personal advise?" He asked carefully.

"Of course." She smiled softly.

"Anders was never known as a very stable individual. A skilled and strong mage, yes, but he was always lacking in commitment and loyalty. I do not wish to see you hurt." He replied seriously.

"Thank you for your concern. I have known Anders for almost four years, I am not walking into this blindly and I know him well." She said kindly.

"I hope you are right. I will have to take my leave. Good day, Your Excellency." Cullen replied and bowed before leaving the room.

-OOO-

His heart was beating almost painfully in his chest, as the butterflies roaming in his stomach almost made him nauseous and still he couldn't help smiling. His skin was prickling from anticipation and even Justice seemed to be affected. He looked into the mirror. His clothes made of the finest silk in ivory and embroided with a pattern of gold. The jacket had a high colour and reached to his knees. He laughed looking at his shoulders covered in white feathers. Leila had wanted to keep it a surprise for him and it did make him feel more at ease in his own skin. His hair was longer now and could finally make all of it be gathered in a leather band in his neck, except for a few stray hairs. The door opened and he turned.

"Great Ancestors! You look like a noble. Well, except for the feathered accessories. Does Sunshine know about those?" Varric chuckled pointing at his shoulders.

"It was her idea." Anders replied with a chuckle.

"Never let her go, Blondie." Varric grinned shaking his head.

"I don't plan on it." He replied in earnest, before walking out the door.

Downstairs Elissa and Alistair were waiting for him. Both were wearing purple outfits, the colour of royalty in Ferelden, as was their son sitting on his father's arm. Anders looked to see if he could find Maia, but before he could ask where she was, Merrill came down from upstairs holding her. She was almost a year old now and was wearing a white and golden dress. Her brown hair had grown and could be considered long by now. Anders smiled, as he saw the Merrill had braided Maia's hair like the Dalish did. In the back of his mind Justice was voicing his disproval that their daughter was in the hands of a bloodmage. Anders agreed, but reminded himself that Hawke also was one. He had made them both vow never to speak of magic in front of his child and he trusted them to keep it. Other than that he didn't let Maia alone with Merrill of an extensive period of time. An action that Leila had told him was paranoid, but had not objected to his protectiveness. Merrill walked over and handed him Maia as he reached for her.

"Thank you, Merrill." Anders smiled.

"You're welcome. She is such a little sweetheart." Merrill cooed.

"So ready to be chained, Anders?" Alistair said with a smile, which earned him a scowl and a gently slap on his shoulder from Elissa.

"I'm not sure our definition of being 'chained' and 'bound' is the same." Anders replied carelessly, kissing Maia's head.

"I'm proud of you, Anders. And very happy for you." Elissa smiled and hugged him.

"Not to interrupt, but we'll better get going." Varric smiled.

Anders nodded in agreement and Elissa took Maia on her arm, before they walked out the door. Walking the short walk from the Amell Estate to the Chantry, had never felt more surreal. People were lined up along the way and guards, watching the masses, saluted as they passed. As he walked up the stairs to the Chantry he was reminded of an episode that happened two years ago. How he had been forced to hide his love for Leila and a stolen kiss behind one of those pillars. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought this would be possible. They walked through the doors and the Chantry was filled with nobles. The royal family took their places in the front of the Chantry, next to Sebastian, who nodded in acknowledgement. The relationship between the two men would never be one of friendship, but perhaps they could learn to tolerate each other. On the other side sat their companions Aveline, Donnic, Fenris and Isabella. Varric and Merrill took a seat next to them. Anders greeted them briefly and Fenris gave him a determined look. A warning should Anders ever hurt his family, Fenris would not hesitate to make him regret it. He walked up the stairs of the podium and he looked around. Not long ago he had wanted to blow this place to bits and murder the woman waiting to greet him at the top of the stairs. He had been forced to kill Karl in this building. So many terrible things had happened here and yet what was going to happen here today, would be another step towards giving his people freedom.

As he reached the top he saw Elthina smile at him. Surprising, since she had advised Leila against this. But Elthina had always been spineless in his opinion and now Leila was the new force in Kirkwall and not her templars. He received a much more heartfelt greeting from Hawke, who gave him a brotherly embrace. Hawke looked at the feathers and chuckled, before patting him on the back. He turned towards the door and swallowed as people turned towards it. From one of the sides came their Viscountess. Leila was dressed in a long ivory dress with golden embroiding on the corset. It had long sleeves, which were separate from the dress and bound to her upper arms, leaving her shoulders exposed. The upper part of the sleeves was ivory, but the long part reaching all the way to the floor, was golden. Her hair was curled and left mostly loose and covered in a long thin veil only held in place by her crown. Last time he saw her like this she was marrying Seamus, but this time he was the one to take her side. He was the one to vow before the Maker and all of Thedas, that he would love only her. For a moment he felt intimidated. She was so beautiful, kind, wise and he loved her, but as she walked towards him he saw something else. She was a bride, yes, but she was also a queen. She was walking alone, with no one to give her away. A sign that she was truly independent and that no one ruled over her. A powerful figure watched and observed by Thedas. With her there was no hiding, as he had been accustomed to for so long. But as he looked into her kind green eyes, he was reminded of a girl he met on a mountaintop. Lost, alone and frightened, but still she had not been frightened of him. He still smiled remembering her inquisitive nature, touching his magic with nothing but fascination. He had not anticipated the effect she would have on him or how far she had been willing to go to insure his freedom. She disappeared from sight, as she walked up the stairs to the podium. His heart ached a little, fearing that this was a dream or a nightmare, where she would never return. He almost breathed with relief as he saw her again. She walked up to stand in front of him and he smiled fondly as he took in all the details of her. She was still wearing his gift around his neck; the orchid. He chuckled as he looked at her earrings. They were golden with a large pearl and two white feathers in each. She smiled brightly at him and he almost kissed her right there and then.

Elthina began the ceremony, but he barely heard her. What he and Leila were doing at this moment had been pronounced illegal for a thousand years. Only the Divine's dispensation had made this possible, but he was convinced that in the future his people would need no such dispensation. Hawke handed Anders the ring and Anders reached for Leila's hand.

"With the Maker as my witness, I pledge, myself body and soul, to you, Leila Amell Dumar. I will cherish and honour you until I return to the side of the Maker." He said loudly, placing the ring on her finger.

"And beyond." He whispered.

Hawke smiled and handed Leila the other ring and she took Anders' hand.

"With the Maker as my witness, I pledge, myself body and soul, to you, Anders. I will cherish and honour you until I return to the side of the Maker." She said loudly and looked into his eyes as she whispered. "And when I reincarnate, may it always be you I find at my side."

"In the eyes of the Maker and his bride Andraste, this union is now sealed. Maker, watch over you." Elthina said loudly.

"Maker, watch over us all." The crowd said in unison.

Anders smiled, before both his hands embraced Leila's face and kissed her, as she chuckled against his lips at his eagerness. At Isabella's catcalls and Hawke's cheering, they pulled apart and the crowd applauded. Anders put his arm forward and Leila rested hers on top of it as they turned. Elthina looked at them with a kind expression.

"The path you have chosen is difficult, but I will pray for the Maker to bring you happiness. He in his infinite wisdom has sent you on this journey and I hope you have the strength to complete it." Elthina smiled and they merely nodded as they passed her.

"And here I thought it was Hawke's bad judgement." Anders chuckled looking down at his wife.

"Or wisdom." Leila replied sarcastically and they both had to keep their laughter under control.

They walked down the aisle and all eyes were on them. Elissa, Alistair and Sebastian bowed their head, as the rest of the gathering bowed fully as the passed.

"And here all I wanted was a cottage, somewhere we could live in peace." Anders sighed half joking.

"You and me both, but at least our struggles will give other people that opportunity." Leila smiled softly and he kissed her hand, as they left the Chantry.

-OOO-

The celebrations at the keep were a somewhat mixed pleasure for Anders. He revelled in the fact that he could kiss and embrace Leila as much as he wanted and he took full opportunity of it. The nobles had a very diverted opinion of him and his marriage to their Viscountess. Some almost ignored him, to which he just shook his head. Others, who had magic in their lines, were friendly towards him. Especially, the De Launcet's, who knew he had helped their son flee Kirkwall before Meredith's demise. They were everything he hated about nobles, but the fact that they tolerated him and was fond of Leila, made it impossible for him to harbour any real resentment towards them. The nobles, who had supported them at the Gallows, were friendly towards him as well. In fact it seemed to be a greater problem that he was a commoner than that he was a mage. The conversations, where they justified Leila's marriage to themselves, were amusing to him. His standing with the Royal family in Ferelden was the most commonly used argument. Thankfully he spent most of the evening talking to his friends and Elissa especially took the opportunity to talk to him. He had never realised how worried she had been for him and not for the first time he felt guilty about leaving the wardens the way he did. When it was Maia's bedtime, he insisted on putting her to bed himself, longing for a break from the nobles. Happy as the day was, it also gave him a taste of what his life was going to be like from now on. Now dealing with the nobles was almost as much his duty as it was Leila's.

He walked upstairs with Maia in his arms, whimpering and yawning, as she was tired. He walked into the private quarters and into the nursery. He undressed Maia and lifted her to put her in her crib. She whined as he was about to put her down, holding onto his feathers.

"Papa!" She whined in disapproval and Anders' heart swelled.

"I know, but you will have to sleep here. I'm not going anywhere." He soothed and put her in her crib.

He tucked her in and pulled up a chair next to her, before sitting down and observing her as she fell asleep. He heard the door open and smiled as Leila came towards him and walked up behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

"How is our little angel?" She asked softly.

"She is fine, but I think she is nervous about all this... It is still strange to think of this as my home." He replied looking around and into their bedroom, next to the nursery.

"I know, but we needed the space and I think we have both lived of Garrett's hospitality long enough." She smiled and he pulled her in front of him and made her sit in his lap.

"I had never thought this possible you know. Having a child, wife and a home like this." He said softly kissing he neck.

"And I thought magic was just stuff from fairytales and legend." She replied with a smile.

"That reminds me, what we saw in the fade. Is that really what your world is like?" He asked looking at her. He had avoided the subject, because of what she found out about him that night.

"Yes... well almost. Things are always seem a little distorted in the fade. To me at least." She said looking at Maia, who was now asleep.

"It seemed so chaotic and confusing. But you seemed so at ease." He said with wonderment.

"It can be, but that is only part of it. When you are familiar with something, you start to see patterns even midst the chaos. There is a system to most things and some things are very controlled. Like our laws and systems are very... intricate. Like technology it is only a mystery, until people tell you how it works. Things here seemed chaotic and senseless to me at first and some things still do... Not the most reassuring thing to hear from a leader." She chuckled the last part a little sadly.

"Hey, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I don't think I ever understood just how different everything was for you. You were truly lost and still you showed so little fear. And despite all that, you managed to light up this world... my world." He said lovingly and kissed her lips softly.

"I'm afraid you have placed me on a pedestal. You make me sound as though I am a saint." She gave a crocked smile.

He began kissing his way down her neck and nibbled the spot he knew would make her gasp.

"I'm sharing your bed and I'll tell you this: You are definitely not a saint, my love." He chuckled against her neck and she just sighed in responds.


	65. Chapter 65 Ataraxis

**Ataraxis**

Justice woke up startled, as he heard Leila scream. He sat up in the bed, his blood pumping through his veins and his heart pounding. He looked down next to him and saw Leila twisting and turning, whimpering and crying in her sleep. This was the fifth time this had happened since she found out about his plans to destroy the Chantry and Meredith's torture of her. Justice normally took over, when Anders' panicked, which was why he was the one present when this happened. Anders could not bring him out at will, just as he could not retreat at will. Anders was so much more experienced with things like this, but he would have to rely on Anders' memories to comfort her. He lay down calmly next to her and wrapped his arm around her until she calmed. It was so rare that he got the opportunity to be with her. Well, he was always with her when Anders was. As an unconscious part. An observer. And though he did enjoy her company then, there was something different about being the one in control. His heart ached as he saw her pillow wet from tears. Had she been a mage he would have been seriously worried about her becoming possessed, as demons seemed to be haunting her. Suddenly she started chanting in a sleep, as she twisted and turned.

"No, no, no."

The same word over and over again. He pulled her closer and even in her sleep she burrowed her face in his chest. Justice couldn't take this much longer and neither could Anders. Seeing her in so much pain was heartbreaking. He had woken her the first night this happened, but it resulted in her being awake for three nights in a row and he didn't want her to be strained needlessly. He made a decision and got out of bed walking straight for his satchel.

Anders and Justice were fond of their new bedroom at the keep. It was fairly large, had a beautiful four poster bed that was made from large branches and darkened. From it hang a white thin fabric that reminded him a little of clouds. The bedcovers were dark red, as was the carpet. The walls were made of stone, but Leila had put up some paintings of landscapes mostly, as well as some of her drawings of their friends and family. Anything that would hide the buildings Tevinter origins. They each had their own armoire made in the same style as the bed and a large mirror was placed between them. On each side of the armoires, was a door; one leading to the hallway and the other to the bathroom. The bathroom was made from marble and had a tub so large that it was almost a basin. Opposite to the bed was the fireplace and next to it the door that led to the nursery. Justice looked through the open door and made sure Maia was still sleeping peacefully. Her room was a little smaller and even Justice had feelings of fondness seeing the crib Anders had gotten for her. Next to the crib was Ebony's basket, where he was currently sleeping together with Ser Purrcival. In their own bedroom was a balcony, where you could look down on the grand gardens of the keep. Leila had most of the wall out to the balcony brought down and replaced it with grand doors of glass and wood. She said she had done it to make Anders feel as free as possible, after a decade living in a tower with no windows. Justice had to smile at her consideration, but did she not realise that being with her was the greatest freedom of all? Opposite Maia's room and next to their bed was another door that led into the study, where he and Leila each had a desk.

He was drawn from his thoughts, as Leila whimpered again and reached for his satchel. He took out a large lyrium potion and walked towards the bed. He got back into bed and kissed her forehead softly, before drinking the lyrium potion. He took her head between his hands and channelled his energy, before drifting into the fade.

* * *

When he entered the fade he was bombarded with impressions and it seemed that in every direction he turned a new horror played before him. The buildings around him were from her world. He heard a noise unlike any he had ever heard before and looked to the sky. Through the air came a big metal bird that crashed into a tower. He looked at the two towers and saw that smoke was coming from the both. The street was covered in dust and fog. He looked at the towers and people began jumping out the windows. The vision flashed and he saw people running over a field getting blown to bits by explosives unlike any he had ever seen. They were shooting at each other with weapons made of metal and the ground was soaked from blood. He felt his heart tighten and felt sick. Leila had told him of wars in her world, but words did not do this horror justice. He turned unable to look at it and in the other direction he saw Kirkwall. It was almost covered in dust, but unlike the other scenario, he knew what had caused this. He had. He almost felt himself fall to his knees and right this moment he found it hard to justify this. He turned saw Anders', his body, lying on the ground impaled by almost a dozen arrows. Whoever killed him had wanted more than just his death. The person had wanted vengeance and he looked up to see Sebastian's back walk away. He rubbed his face and reminded himself why he was here. Leila. He turned as the fade shifted again and what he saw chilled him to the bone.

He looked up at the tall buildings leading from Lowtown to Hightown. From the clotheslines between the buildings hang bodies and their clothes suggested that most of them were mages. On the ground in pile lay the elves and refugees, while templars and priests passed them seemingly not noticing. He turned to look into an alley and saw a templar on his knees begging for his life, as three mages tortured him and Justice looked away only to see a mage being raped by a templar. This was when he realised that all the dead were people who had been caught in this conflict. All of them innocents. He could feel Anders being affected by this, even as Justice reasoned that this would bring way to freedom for mages. He heard the cries of a child and his blood ran cold. He would know Maia's cry anywhere. He turned and saw Maia, about five years old, covered in blood, as Anders lay dead on the ground and templars pulled her away. Justice nearly lost himself in rage, when Anders reminded him it was just the fade. "The fade... yes... We have a purpose." He reminded himself. He looked around, but Leila was still nowhere to be seen. He walked along and arrived at the Gallows. He saw Anders in the courtyard and the brand of Tranquillity was seared into his forehead. He felt sick again, as he saw one of Anders' worst fears being brought to life in front of him. After losing Maia and Leila this was his worst nightmare. He finally heard Leila's voice and followed it. His heart ached as he saw her. She was sitting in a corner, hidden in the shadows, her knees pressed against her chest and her face hidden in her arms. She was rocking back and forth as she chanted.

"Lack of Justice, taught me forgiveness. Loss of love, taught me compassion. Absence of a god, taught me independence."

Justice was confused until Anders' understanding dawned on him. These were all things that she felt responsible for. Things she feared would come to pass, because she was not strong enough. Her chanting reminded her of her strengths, as she desperately tried to hold on to them. Hoping they would be enough for her to prevent the horrors around her. Praying that her mercy, compassion and independence would be enough to protect the ones she loved. Probably for the first time since meeting her, both Justice and Anders truly appreciated their union. As a fade spirit, Justice could manipulate the fade and instantly the horrors around them faded away. Justice walked over and kneeled in front of Leila, gently pulling her into his embrace. She was trembling from fear and it took every ounce of self control for him not to do the same. She wrapped her arms around him and she hid her face in his chest, as he softly kissed her hair.

"Shh... it's alright, my love. I will never leave you. I promise." Justice said gently as she gave a sob.

"You can't promise me that. If I fail you could die." She sobbed.  
He gently took her chin and made him look at her.

"You are right, Anders might die. But if that happens, we will both return to the fade and from here we will always watch over you. I will never stop watching over you and Maia." He swore.

"This is so hard. I am so tired all the time. I try to be brave, but it never seems like enough." She said her voice trembling.

"You have been through a lot and haven't been sleeping properly. Your actions are an example to others. Don't doubt yourself." He said softly and helped her to stand.

The fade shifted around them and they were standing on a beach, as the sun was setting over the sea. The water was crystal clear and the sand white and soft. The air was warm and Leila could hear the soft chirps of tropical birds. The scent in the air was both sweet and fresh. Behind them was a jungle with palms and beautiful flowers in vibrant colours. Leila looked around in amazement.

"I hope this is satisfactory. I have never seen a tropical island and Anders has only seen paintings and drawings of them." He explained.

"It's beautiful, but how... why?" She said confused.

"I wanted to help you get away from your nightmares, so I entered the fade and found you. You told Anders once you wished you could escape to an island like this." He said a little hesitantly.

She smiled with an expression of adoration in her eyes before kissing him softly.

"Thank you, Justice." She smiled.

She took his hand and led him towards a palm tree and made him sit down leaning against it. She sat down between his legs and leaned up against him, looking as the sun slowly faded in the horizon. Justice knew this was just the fade, but this seemed more real to him than anything so far. Anders held her every day and though he could feel the warmth coming from her, it never felt as if it was his own arms holding her. It made him value these moments, but he regretted they only appeared in times of despair and frustration. In the back of his mind he felt his host regretting that he made Justice feel secluded and shackled.

"I owe you an apology." He said softly.

"For what?" She asked softly looking up at him.

"For what Anders and I almost did. We... **I**should have trusted you." He said regretfully.

"You have been fighting this on your own for so long. Trust is something that has to be earned. I understand why it took time to trust me." She replied stroking his cheek and he leaned into her touch.

"It will not happen again." He promised closing his eyes enjoying the feel of her touch.

"You make many promises today, why is that?" She asked softly looking up at him.

He felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked into her eyes. Anders told her of his affections daily, but Justice had never gotten the opportunity. He had confessed to loving her, but never really put into words how he felt about her and why. Never told her, how he felt that he loved her at a distance. As if she sensed his hesitation she held his hand and kissed it softly, before looking at him with a soft and caring expression.

"Because I rarely get the opportunity to do so." He explained and she smiled kissing him again.

He was still amazed by how freely she gave him her affection. How both he and Anders received her love and kindness, which seemed to be never ending. She leaned into him, her cheek resting against his chest and he began stroking her long hair. It was so soft and smooth. He knew this of course, but being able to play with it the way he wanted, was a pleasure in itself. He lifted her chin and made her look at him.

"May I?" He asked softly.

"You don't have to ask permission to kiss me." She chuckled lightly and he gave her a chaste kiss.

"I'm sorry if I am not any good at this." He apologized.

"Because you are hesitant?" She asked and he gave a small nod.

"Oh, dear love, don't be. It's so cute when you're shy." She giggled softly.

"It is?" He asked doubtfully.

"Yes. Remember I told you, that you are much more present than I think either you or Anders realise? The Anders, Elissa and Isabella have told me about, seemed not to have any shyness at all. But my Anders does and I think that is because of you." She explained with an adoring smile forming on her lips.

"And you like this shyness?" He asked still not fully convinced.

"I love it. It's very endearing." She said brightly and even blushed a little.

"You are very strange, mortal." He smiled shaking his head.

"And you love me for it." She stated a little coyly.

"Possibly." He teased and kissed her nose.

"See, that was definitely Anders' snarkiness." She chuckled and he kissed her lips.

When he pulled away she noticed a sadness about him.

"What's wrong?" She asked concerned.

"It just... saddens me that I can't do this more often." He replied a little melancholy.

"Because, you are a passenger in your own skin most of the time. Like Anders is now." She said with understanding.

"Yes, it bothers me that I can't kiss you or hold you, when I would like." He explained.

He felt a little like demon at this moment. Preying on something that wasn't his and stealing something that belonged to Anders. It was not just doing this. In the back of his mind he felt Anders' presence, assuring him that this was as much his as Anders'.

"I can't imagine Anders denying your request to kiss me." She smiled.

"No, he doesn't." Justice admitted with a low chuckle.

"But it's not the same." She said with understanding.

She sat up and turned to straddled him, both her hands placed along his jaw as her thumbs caressed his cheeks. She looked into his eyes with a soft expression and he hesitantly placed his hands on her waist.

"I am here now and for the moment you are not the passenger, so let us not waste it." She smiled softly and kissed him.

They spent the spent the rest of the night kissing and holding each other. Justice fended off the nightmares and fears haunting her. Protecting her in the only way he could and taking pleasure in this small amount of paradise that was granted only to him, as his host dwelled in slumber in the subconscious of their shared mind.

* * *

Anders awoke the next morning with the taste of lyrium in his mouth. He faintly remembered what had happened in the fade and why, but details were blurry. He was not jealous exactly, but the feeling of looking through your eyes, while someone else moved him like a puppet, was deeply unsettling to him. At least, when Justice was with Leila, he knew he wouldn't hurt anyone. She had become his anchor that kept his thirst for vengeance at bay. Anders actually preferred sleeping through these things, not remembering. Leila was right, when she said that Justice was present even as Anders was in control. His emotions effected Anders as his did him, so it was only fair that Justice received some affection as well. Though Anders was not excluded from this, when Justice was in control and the other way around, Anders found himself preferring remaining ignorant. Not being able to express yourself, even in Leila's company, was disconcerting. He turned to reach for her, but she wasn't beside him. Maia was now standing in her crib looking at him and he had to smile as he saw her. She was going to turn one year old next week and she was growing so fast. She got impatient and Anders conjured a little butterfly of arcane energy to keep her distracted, while he got dressed.

"How did you learn to do that?" He heard Leila's voice say and saw her standing in the door leading to the study.

"When new children were brought to the circle, they were often frightened and desperately sad. The older and kind apprentices found ways of distracting them, to make the transition easier." He smiled a little sadly as he got dressed.

"It beautiful and very amazing." She smiled softly.

"Not that amazing. Karl was really good at it. He would tell the youngest stories, making the stories come to live before them." He smiled getting up and walked over to Maia and picked her up.

"I have a feeling you will get better at it." Leila said fondly.

Anders conjured another butterfly and made it sit on Maia's nose, making the toddler giggle with delight. He chuckled kissing her hair and walked over to Leila giving her a kiss. He noticed a letter in her hand.

"What is it?" He asked with concern, seeing the seriousness in her eyes.

"It's from the Divine. The circles have already begun reacting to our marriage and the changes we're making here. The mages wants to know when these can be implemented elsewhere, while the templars are voicing their displeasure that this is even allowed. So far she has agreed to let some of them being made in Ferelden, because the country has suffered so during the blight. She hopes the mages will be able to help rebuild Ferelden." She explained.

"That's good news... why do you look so worried?" He asked seriously.

"Lord Seeker Lambert in particular has voiced his displeasure. The mages are not the only ones thinking about rebelling, love." She said sadly.

"You think the templars will pull away from the Chantry? That's madness." He replied almost horrified.

"I think we both know by now that madness is equally distributed on both sides." She sighed.

"You're unfortunately right. So what do we do?" He asked, making the little butterfly fly around Maia, distracting her from her parent's seriousness.

"We wait. Cullen is sorting out the templars here, so hopefully those prone to breaking away from the Chantry, will have left Kirkwall before anything dire happens. I will keep in close contact with both Sebastian and Alistair. With no circle in Stark Haven and Meredith removed here, I hope that our allegiance will be strong enough to prevent war from breaking out here. In the meantime I will try and improve things for mages here best I can and hopefully earn their loyalty. If both break away, then I can do little to protect anyone." She breathed heavily.

Anders wrapped his free arm around her and kissed her hair.

"You are not alone and we can do this." He smiled hugging her.

"When did you become so confident?" She smiled up at him.

"It means more than I can say to have had a partner these past three years. It makes me believe we can do anything." He smiled fondly kissing her lips.


	66. Chapter 66 Summoning

**Summoning**

Leila had just finished up her work for the day. The duties of the Viscountess seemed never ending, but the city had calmed a lot. The templars, who were uncomfortable with the changes, had been transferred to circles or Chantries of their own choice. According to the information she received from Thrask, the circle mages had calmed. Especially those who had supported Thrask. It seemed that the initiatives Leila had made on their behalf were finally being used as they should, but there was still a far way to go. They still needed to find a system, where mages could live outside the circle and somehow prevent mage children from being taken from their parents. The last one particular important to her. Around Thedas mages and templars alike were watching Kirkwall, almost with apprehension, waiting for the moment it would all backfire on the young Viscountess. She walked into their private quarters and heard Maia giggle from the bathroom. Leila smiled as she walked into the bathroom and saw Maia and Anders sitting in the tub. Maia was playing with a toyship given to her by Isabella. It was made from light wood and could float. Anders started conjuring a spell. Leila had been right, he had become very good at projecting images and Maia loved it. He made fish from energy that swam around them and jumped out of the water, making Maia giggle happily. Leila figured he liked doing this as well. Not having to hide his magic and use it as he wanted. Even if it was for something as small as making his daughter laugh. Leila loved walking in on moments like these, as this was when Anders looked truly carefree.

"Alright, Butterfly. Sit still while I wash your hair." Anders said lovingly to his daughter.

Leila smiled at the nickname. It was one he had given her shortly after Leila had told him about the butterfly effect. Maia did not know how much adoration was hidden in that nickname. How Anders felt that Maia had saved him from himself by simply being born. How her life had made all these changes possible. Had she not been conceived, when she did, Leila would never have become Vicountess. He would never have been freed and mages in Kirkwall would have no future. It would still be years before they could tell if Maia was a mage or not and Leila dreaded the day it might come. Not because she feared mages, but because she was afraid that her daughter would be haunted be demons or taken by the templars. Anders had vowed he would never let that happen, but that terrified her just as much. She dreaded the lengths he would go to keep them safe. Maia saw Leila and began splashing in the water, while making a sound of happiness. Leila smiled brightly and walked over giving both Anders and Maia a kiss.

"Won't you join us, love?" He asked as she pulled away.

"Alright." She smiled and began taking of her clothes.

She got in the other end of the bathtub and was grateful that it was so large. Still it was a snug fit and to make sure not to squash Maia, she placed her feet on the edge of the tub near Anders head, where he kissed her ankle. This was when Ebony came walking in the door and walked up to the tub placing his head on the edge and began to whine, clearly feeling left out.

"Oh no, you silly mutt. You just stay where you are." Anders said warningly.

"If you want to bite him sweetheart, just go ahead." Leila teased looking at Ebony.

"Hey!" Anders objected and Ebony gave an offended grunt, as if finding it ludicrous that he would ever do such a thing to Anders.

"Considering how you treat him he is surprisingly loyal." Leila noted with a smile.

"That's because he hears what I mean and not what I say." He replied a little fondly and stroked Ebony.

Maia reached for Ebony's nose and patted it with her small hands. Ebony in returned liked her hands, to which Maia retaliated by splashing water on him. The hound grunted, before shaking and walked away, while Leila and Anders laughed heartily.

"If anyone sees us like this, we will be the talk of Hightown." Leila chuckled softly.

"Yes, imagine the scandal. A family enjoying themselves in their own home." Anders grumbled sarcastically.

She lifted her soapy foot and caressed the side of his head with it.

"I heard something interesting today." She said changing the topic.

"That so." He said concentrating on washing the remaining soap out of Maia's hair.

"Elthina might be forced into retirement."

"You're kidding." He replied with a disbelieving smile.

"No, apparently the people in Orlais believe that she has gotten too old for her position." She replied seriously.

"Not that I disagree, but how did they come to this conclusion?" He asked.

"Meredith." She replied simply.

"Aaahh..." He said with sudden understanding.

"They believe that Elthina was not observant enough in her duties and since she appointed Meredith... well... Nothing has been decided yet though. She is after all very loved."

"Not to mention spineless and hesitant." Anders grumbled.

"Let's just see what happens. If she is forced to resign, then she will probably get a new position in Stark Haven. Sebastian will make sure of it, I think." She just replied for stopping Maia from eating the bubbles.

"No doubt." He said a little annoyed.  
Leila chuckled and gently tabbed his nose with her toe.

"Are you still jealous?" She chuckled kindly.

"Not jealous, but I think I might feel more at ease the day he marries someone... if he marries." He replied.

Leila shook her head and sat up to kiss him.

"I think we'll better get out of the water." He replied kissing he cheek softly, before getting out the tub.

"By the way, a letter came for you today. It's on the nightstand in the bedroom."Leila said getting out of the tub as well.

"For me?" He asked surprised and lifted Maia up, before drying her.

"Yes, it looked important." She replied putting on her robe.

"Alright, will you dry Maia?" He asked and she nodded.

He put on his trousers and shirt, before walking into the bedroom. Leila dried Maia, brushed her hair and dressed her in some clean clothes. When she walked into the bedroom, Anders was sitting on the bed with a worried expression. Leila placed Maia on her blanket in front of the fire with her toys and walked towards Anders. She leaned against the bedpost.

"Who is it from?" She asked concerned.

"The First Warden in Wiesshaupt Fortress. I have been summoned back by the Wardens." He said with an almost pained expression.

"What? I don't believe it!" She said almost fearful and took the letter.

_" Senior Warden Anders,  
As First Warden I hereby summon you to Weisshaupt fortress, on warden business that cannot be delayed. It has come to my attention that you have left the order without permission, but I will overlook this if you come to Wiesshaupt within the month. You expertise is needed.  
First warden Isaak, Wiesshaupt fortress."_

"Will you run?" She asked in a low voice, fearing he would leave her.  
He stood up and pulled her into his embrace.

"I can't run. I always knew either they or the circle would drag me back. I just hoped... but that doesn't matter now." He said sadly.

"I'll come with you." She said calmly, refusing to give into fear.

"Love, this is warden business. I can't tell you any of this. Besides you are needed here." He replied trying to hide his own sadness.

"No, Anders. My place is by your side and the city is stable at the moment. I'll get Garrett and Aveline to take care of business here and I'll go with you. We don't know what the First Warden wants yet. It might be a temporary mission and if it isn't will cross that bridge when we reach it." She said kindly stroking his cheek.

"I'm sorry to drag you into all of this." He smiled sadly.

"It's a small price to pay for being with you." She replied before giving him a kiss.

* * *

It had only been three days since Anders had received that letter and they were already getting ready to leave. The journey ahead was going to take weeks, since Wiesshaupt was placed in the Anderfels. They would have to go through half of the Freemarches and up through Nevarra. Leila had hired a carriage for them and they would have to change horses several times during the journey. What Leila wouldn't give for an airplane about now? It would be exhausting especially with a one year old, but she was too young to be left behind and honestly Leila didn't want to. Leila knew that wardens had been known to have wives or husbands, but these were required to move with their spouses around Thedas when needed. Leila's title as Viscountess would prevent that. There was a fair chance that Anders wouldn't be able to return to Kirkwall, but there was no way he could run from this either. Not without leaving Leila and Maia behind. Their best chance was to go together to Wiesshaupt and find out exactly what the First Warden wanted. It might be that Anders would have to stay there permanently and Leila and Maia would have to return to Kirkwall on their own, not knowing if they would ever see him again. That was why Leila insisted on coming along. If she was to lose him, she wanted to make sure that they spent as much time together, before that happened. They would have to make it work, even if it meant that she would have to travel to Weisshaupt once a year just to see him for a few weeks. Her mind surprised her at times. How it would see all the possible scenarios and find all kinds of solutions, but in this case all of them seemed undesirable. The only thing she wanted was for Anders to come back home with her. With everything she had done to keep him alive and free, this just didn't seem right.

The carriage was packed and she had instructed Aveline and Hawke in what needed to be done in her absence. She had full confidence in them and trusted them to handle any problem that should arise. Seeing Anders saying goodbye was heartbreaking. It was clear that he did not expect that he would return and it almost broke her heart. She however refused to give into despair until she knew all the facts. They were travelling late at night and would be making the journey as civilians, since Leila wanted as little attention as possible to who they were. After saying goodbye to their companions, Leila got in the carriage with Ebony and Maia was already asleep in a basket on the seat opposite them. Anders was standing saying his final goodbyes to Hawke and from the look on their faces, Hawke seemed to be promising something to Anders. Anders got in the carriage and they drove on. He was so worried and sad, that it pained Leila just to look at him. He reached around his neck and then looked at her.

"Do you have my amulet?" He asked almost panicky.

"Yes, I have it right here." She soothed and reached into her pocket, before handing it to him.

He sighed with relief and kissed it.

"What did you want with it anyway?" He asked and she gently took it from him again.

"I have had it made so it opens." She explained and opened it pulling out a piece of paper.

"This is one of the two copies the Divine made, as proof of your freedom. This way you can have it on you at all times, should you need it." She continued to explain.

"Thank you, love." He replied and kissed her softly, before putting it back on and hiding it under his shirt.

"What are the Anderfels like?" She asked leaning her head on his shoulder.

"It's been over eighteen years since I left, but it harsh and coarse. Several blights have almost rendered the land uninhabitable, but somehow people manage to survive anyway." He explained.

"They sound strong and resourceful." She noted, as he put his arm around her.

"They are. They are brutes most of them. Big men with huge muscles and large beards." He replied with a small chuckle looking down at himself.

"I don't look like an Anders do I?" He chuckled.

"I don't know. There is something untamed, wild and strong about you. And you are one of the most resourceful and strong willed people I know." She smiled a little stroking his stubbled cheek.

"Compared to the fancy nobles you usually surround yourself with, I suppose you're right." He teased.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked quietly.

"Yes." He replied stroking her cheek.

"Would you tell me about your family? You don't have to if you would rather not. I know it's painful for you." She said in the same quiet voice and he sighed.

"It happened so long ago... Why would you like to know?" He asked, clearly not wanting to discuss it.

"Because, when I look at Maia I only know of one side of her lineage." She explained and he kissed her forehead.

"Alright, well my family were peasants. Which is difficult since most of the Anderfels is wasteland. Making something grow is difficult, but somehow we managed. My mother was very kind and loving. She never complained, no matter how much she had to work." He smiled.

"She sounds like a strong person." She noted.

"She was... My father on the other hand was not very kind. He was bitter and always complaining about how difficult everything was. It didn't matter how hard you tried, it just wasn't good enough." He explained and his bitterness was apparent.

"Did you have any siblings?" She asked softly.

"I had an older brother, but he died long before I was taken away. I think that was partly why my father was so angry. He needed sons to help him, but with my brother dead and me being a mage, he felt cursed. That and he was a devout Andrastian. We were not allowed to talk or laugh at the dinner table. We should sit still and eat while praying for our souls in quiet." He explained with continued bitterness.

"Ugh... sounds horrible. Did you do as you were told?" She asked, as a shiver ran down her spine as her imagination was carried away.

"I did. I was a good little Andrastian. Said my prayers, repented my sins, all of it. I did everything my father told me and bowed to his tyranny. I didn't become a rebel until I arrived at the circle."

"I'm sorry that your life has been so difficult. I wish I could make it better." She said in a low voice.

"You already have, in so many ways. It was nice to be happy, for a while." He said sadly.

"No, don't say that. Don't give up. I won't..." She began, but he claimed her lips in a heated kiss, that she eagerly returned.

"I love you." She said softly as he pulled away.

"I love you too." He breathed into her hair.

After a little while she fell asleep with her head on her shoulder. Anders was so afraid that he would lose her. They had been through so much and he had no idea what the summoning from the First Warden meant. Did he know that Anders was possessed and was trying to get rid of him? Was it because he did not tolerate people leaving the order without permission... especially mages? Or was it because Anders had married Leila and Wardens were forbidden to involve themselves in politics? None of these scenarios seemed promising. He had thought of running, but without Leila and Maia what was the point? He could run and aid mages around Thedas, but if there was even a small fraction of hope that he didn't have to lose his family, he could not turn his back on it.

On top of it all he would have to return to his homeland, for the first time in almost two decades. There were memories there, which to this day still haunted him. He still remembered how his father had yelled at him and beaten him, for reasons Anders had long since forgotten. In his anger fire had formed on Anders fingertips and the straw in the barn had caught on fire. They had only managed to save the horse and cow, before the wooden barn collapsed from the heat. He remembered how his mother had hurried to pack a satchel of things for him and told him to run, but it was too late. His "righteous" father had already returned with the templars. The look on his mother's face still haunted him to this day. Heartbroken tears flowing freely from her eyes, as she was begging for them not to take him away. Anders looked down at Leila and his heart tightened. Maybe soon that would be the look he would see in her eyes.

* * *

_Author's note: Hey, it has been VERY quiet lately so I just wanted to know if people are still interrested in the story? I have some chapters planned, but if the story is getting borring i might as well just finish it. Hope people are still enjoying it though :)_


	67. Chapter 67 Comfort

**Comfort**

To say that the journey to the Anderfels had been uncomfortable was an understatement. It took over two weeks to get there, but they were finally crossing the border between Nevarra and the Anderfels. In a few hours they would be at Wiesshaupt fortress and it seemed that with each mile all of them seemed to become more tense. Especially Maia, who was feeding of the emotions of both her parents. She whimpered and cried almost constantly. You should not travel this far with such a young child, but she was still so dependent on them and if Anders was to leave, Leila wanted him to have as many memories of their daughter as possible. Maia was too tired to sleep and finally Anders cast a sleep spell on her. He gave Leila an apologetic look, but Leila just shook her head, approving his action. Leila looked out on the land and what she saw saddened her. There was only dirt on the ground, the grass in this area long since turned to dust, and most of the trees had died. The vegetation there was, was bushes with needles and even those seemed to be scarce. There were a few birds and all of them scavengers. It looked like a place Death would call home, but with the lacking of life to take, Leila suspected even he forsaken this place. The land reminded her of Anders' life. Once hiking up Sunder Mount he had said: "Give me a large rock to push up this hill and it will perfectly sum up my life.". After hearing about his father, Leila imagined that Anders life must have felt like walking through this wasteland. Depraved of everything his soul needed to sustain itself. It was surprising to her that he had remained so kind and loving, but his life **had**scared him. His anger and bitterness proof of this.

She looked at Anders who had been vigorously tightening his grip on the amulet she gave him. All of this was bringing forth emotions in him, that were difficult to control and she knew he feared Justice would appear. She wanted to cry for him, but he needed her to be strong. She felt that he had been strong for her so many times, but this time he should be able to take comfort in her and not the other way around. His eyes were closed and he was deeply focused. Eventually the inevitable happened. The loud shriek of a bird startled him and with his emotions to in turmoil it was all that was needed to bring Justice to the surface. Instantly Leila kissed him, hoping it would distract him. She had learned long ago, that when Justice appeared he was often furious and was met with violence and fear. By showing him affection she hoped, that it would distract him from Anders' devastated emotions and redirect them to something else. That was why she had kissed him, the night Anders' was infected with poison. A reckless and perhaps foolish risk, but it seemed to work then and now. The spirit widened his eyes momentarily, but when she wanted to pull away he gently placed a hand behind her neck and held her in place, as he kept giving her tender kisses. Justice was full of contradictions in the way he handled emotions. In combat he was reckless, ferocious and uncontrollable. When showing affection he was the opposite; careful, tender and very deliberate. Always making sure he took nothing more than what was given willingly to him, which often made him hesitant. Carefully he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.

"Thank you." Justice breathed.

Leila noticed the blue glow fade and the burning blue eyes were replaced with Anders' warm eyes. He looked around confused and uncertain.

"What happened?" He asked with confusion.

"Justice... Didn't you know?" She asked slightly concerned.

"I... I'm starting to have blanks in my memories, when he takes over." He explained.

"Does this happen often?" She asked very concerned.

"No, he seems easier to control now, but when he does take over it's like he pushes me down. Forcing me to sleep." He said carefully.

"That could be dangerous... why does he do it?" She asked, clearly fearful for them both.

"I think it is because it is so disturbing to me. I think he wishes to spare me the discomfort, but you are right if I lose control and he does this, I will be unable to stop it." He replied his voice slightly trembling.

Leila pulled him into her arms and he burrowed his head in the crook of her neck. Anders had not lost control of Justice in combat since the Deep Roads almost three years ago, but this development was far more dangerous that she in reality wanted to admit. The only other instances had been the once, where she unwillingly had provoked it, by bringing up Justice's memories or making him fret for her. In these instances though, he seemed more like the spirit he was in the fade, rather than the uncontrollable force of Vengeance his soul harboured. From how Anders explained it this seemed to be a conscious decision Justice made and Leila decided, when she got the opportunity she would ask him about it. Try to make him promise never to do it in combat.

* * *

It was dark, when they finally arrived at Weisshaupt Fortress. The moonlight shined down on the wasteland and Leila looked up at the fortress. It was placed on a hill and was both tall and wide. As they went through the gates, to major griffons of stone were placed on each side. It looked like most medieval buildings, as far as Leila could tell. Tall walls, making a siege almost impossible and had barracks, catapults and everywhere it was decorated with Griffons. Much like the tower they found Coryphaeus in. It was made mainly from sandstone, from what she could tell, that allowed the moonlight to reflect in it. It was a little worn, but had lost none of its glory. It was impressive and somehow intimidating at once. In the middle of the fortress was a great tower. It was open at the top and seemed to have platforms all around it.

"They used to keep the griffons up there." Anders explained.

Leila nodded with understanding, as her heart began mourn the death of the magnificent creatures. Leila could feel Anders slightly trembling and took his hand to give him some comfort. He had sent a letter announcing his arrival and informed them that he would be bringing his wife and child, but had not stayed in Kirkwall long enough to receive a reply. Therefore he was also nervous about the First Wardens reaction to this, but he figured the worst that could happen was that they were asked to leave again. In the other end of the large fortress the carriage finally came to a halt. Leila was grateful that Maia was asleep and carefully picked up the basket, she was sleeping in, without waking her. Anders gave her a hand as she got out of the carriage and they walked towards a warden. Without a word, Anders handed the warden his summoning.

"Senior Warden. We have rooms prepared for you." The warden replied and motioned them to follow.

Inside the fortress was just as impressive. Whoever built it had thought of aesthetics as well as functionality. Leila looked around taking in all the details, the grand halls with impossible high ceilings, the large turning staircases and the decor. Most of it was paintings made of celebrated Wardens and legendary battles against the darkspawn. She suddenly caught Anders' eyes, who was smiling at her, clearly amused by her fascination with her surroundings. They were led to two joined rooms, one a sitting room and the other a bedroom.

"This is where you will be staying. The First Warden will see you first thing in the morning. Senior warden. " The warden bowed his head in respect and walked out the door.

The room was made of sandstone like the rest of the building, which actually gave it some warmth. Especially, when Anders lit up the fireplace. The red colour of the fire mixing with the warm sand colour of the walls was very pleasant. The floors were made of dark wood and though old well kept as was the furniture. Leila noticed a crib had been placed in the corner of the sitting room and for a moment she found it strange that the First Warden would go through such trouble for them. Then again wardens from other countries were known to bring their families here on shorter assignments. Anders had explained that they did this at Vigil's keep as well. Those who stayed longer usually took a house for their family in Amaranthine. Here however the journey to the nearest city seemed long, since the wasteland made it possible to look very far.

"I'll tuck Maia in and you can go and rest. You look exhausted." Leila told Anders softly.

"Alright. Thank you, love." He said softly and gave her a small kiss.

He walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed. His heart was beating painfully in his chest, as his head was filled with unpleasant memories and tormenting him with fears for the future. He felt Justice roaming in the front of his conscious wanting to protect his host from pain and suffering. This was why Justice took over, only when Anders had lost all control of himself. Justice wanted to protect his host and friend, by any means necessary. Anders grabbed hold of the amulet, but it was too late. He felt Justice claim control over his muscles and felt himself slipping into involuntary sleep.  
Justice opened his eyes and felt the amulet in his grasp, forcing Anders' memories into his head.

_Leila was laid out on the bed complete bare after their lovemaking and her hand was playing with the orchid necklace. Anders was lying next to her, letting his hand stroke her body tenderly, as they talked._

_"He seriously became a Grey Warden, because he lost a bet?" She asked with a grin._

_"He did. That was Oghren." Anders snickered._

_"You sound very fond of him." She noted with a smile._

_"He was a good friend and a mean drinking partner. He was constantly drunk, but when he came to the point where he almost went under the table, he believed_

_**anything.**" He chuckled._

_"Like what?" She asked with great curiosity and a smile on her face._

_"Well, let me tell you about the sleets. A guy named Jacob convinced Orghen that there were creatures called sleets on the surface. As Oghren told it, they were supposed to lie around looking like pants and when you least expected it, they would jump at you and eat your eyeballs." Anders laughed and so did she._

_"Oh my god! Poor dwarf!" She laughed._

_"You should have seen his face as Elissa just went along with it. He was absolutely terrified." He laughed._

_"Speaking of drunk, I knew a guy in college who experimented in getting drunk in different ways. Once he put n her pair of waders and poured a bottle liquor down each leg. He walked around like that they entire night." She chuckled._

_"You're kidding." He grinned._

_"Nope and it worked too. It ended up with him jumping through a window, because he wanted to go dance with the 'teddy bears' outside." She laughed._

_"Oh, that's nothing. One night Oghren..." Anders continued._

_They just talked until the early hours of the morning. Doing nothing but enjoy each other's company and laughing._

This was the one moment where Anders had felt the most at ease. There had been no fear of templars, no undisclosed longing for her and no recent tragedy haunting either of them. It had been peaceful, blissful and full of love. Now, this was the moment that Anders went to for comfort, when he was afraid of losing himself. This was a memory that kept him sane. Justice felt the same emotions run through him and fear and anger was forgotten. He looked up and looked into the sitting room where Leila was undressing. He swallowed hard. He shouldn't be there, he had frightened her enough that day, but for some reason he could not retreat. He felt his heart pounding hard, as she was slowly exposing the expanse of her body. He knew what she looked like, but he had never experienced it firsthand. It had always been through Anders' "eyes" and had been comfortable with his host knowing what to do. He almost breathed with relief, as she put on a nightgown. The thin white fabric that went to the floor, had no sleeves and exposed her cleavage, did little to hide her, but it was enough to ease Justice. He wanted to retreat. He had no business being there now, but his host seemed beyond exhausted and was resting in a sense. Justice almost begged for Anders to return, before Leila realised he was in control. They had just begun to trust each other and he felt their relationship was so fragile. Unfortunately nothing seemed to heed him. Least of all his eyes that were locked in place. Leila finally turned and saw him. He felt an uncomfortable surge go through his body and his stomach tighten.

"Justice." She breathed almost happily.

She smiled and almost ran towards him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Justice felt all his worries disappear instantly and felt lighter than he had thought possible. He had never experienced anyone actually being happy to see him. He had always brought up painful memories, been hated or feared. In his relieve he lifted her of the ground straightening his back. He smiled against her neck as he held her like this, feeling the warmth of her body comforting him. Suddenly he noticed that Leila was crying. He put her down and looked at her.

"What is it?" He asked with great concern.

"I don't want to lose you." She replied as tears flew freely from her eyes.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry." He begged softly stroking her tears away.

But she couldn't help the tears from falling and he knew it.

"I'll go leave now." He replied sadly.

He wanted to stay with her, but right now she needed Anders. He knew that if anything could bring his host back to consciousness it would be her needing him. He closed his eyes concentrating, when he suddenly heard Leila's voice.

"No, don't leave. Please stay..." She said softly.

Justice opened his eyes and looked down at her, hardly daring to believe the words he had heard spoken. She wanted him to stay. He was so surprised, he did not think his responds through.

"Why?" He blurted out.

"Because Anders is hurting and I don't want to burden him any further. I want to be strong for him." She explained.

"And now you need someone to be strong for you." He said with sudden understanding.

"Is that alright?" She asked carefully.

"Of course it is." He replied soothingly, while stroking her hair.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair, savouring this moment, where he was in full control over the affection given to her. Knowing Anders, he knew why she had kept her emotions under control. Anders was suffering almost constantly, as was she. But in this one area Leila was so much stronger than him. The fact that this strong woman was now taking comfort in his embrace warmed Justice's heart. Since joining with Anders he had felt so little other than rage, but when with her it was different. She opened a whole range of emotions that had been sealed away for so long. She pulled out of his embrace and went to the bed. He took of most of his clothes and joined her. In bed he pulled her close and just held her. He had done this before, so this was familiar to him and gave him comfort. She then began to kiss him tenderly, which he returned. When her kisses became passionate, he was half convinced he was trapped in a fade dream somewhere. Yet he felt his blood rush through his veins and for the first time discovered firsthand, what an effect she had on him. He returned her kisses, but was careful in not taking anything. He would only take that which she gave to him freely, no matter how the body of his host objected. He almost froze, when her hands began exploring his body and her touch forced a moan from his lips. A loud gasp escaped him, as she touched his growing hardness. He took her wrist gently and pulled way. He looked into her eyes almost convinced that she was under a thrall of some sort. But in her eyes was nothing but adoration. He swallowed.

"Are... Are you sure?" He asked carefully, honestly not knowing how he would react to any possible answer.

"Yes... please help me forget for a little while." She said softly.

He kissed her lips tenderly and softly. He let her guide him, making sure that everything he did was her wish. Every move he made was a hesitant request, as he refused to make any demands of her. He refused to become a demon only interested in fulfilling his desires, but wanted nothing more than to comfort and love her as she wished. Everything was tender, soft and careful. He treated her as if terrified that he would break her. His lips never left hers, until he breathed his release against her lips. As he rolled of her she followed, curling her body around his, resting her head on his chest. He let his fingers run through her long hair that now almost reached her waist. He smiled a little, as he saw she had already fallen asleep. He had succeeded in comforting her and sent her into the fade without pain and worry for the first time in nearly a month.

* * *

To say that Anders was apprehensive was an understatement. He had no idea what to expect from the First Warden. Wiesshaupt was placed so far from anything else, which meant each warden outpost pretty much had to fend from themselves. The First Warden was rarely involved in daily warden business, so little was actually know about him. Anders was let through the fortress by a warden and he felt his palms getting sweaty. His eyes widened that he was led into a room.

"Anders!" Two voices said happily.

Anders could hardly believe his eyes as Nathaniel and Carver came towards him and greeted him. Carver gave him a firm handshake, but Anders couldn't help, but giving Nathaniel a quick hug in pure relief. Nathaniel chuckled and pulled away looking at Anders.

"There is no escaping you it seems." He chuckled.

"I'm special that way." Anders smiled.

"That's one way to put it." Nathaniel replied.

"So do you know why you are here?" Carver asked.

"None at all. Do you?" Anders replied looking at them.

"Yes, but it would be better if you hear it from the First Warden." Nathaniel replied.

"Does he know about... my passenger?" Anders asked in a low voice.

"Not that I'm aware of." Nathaniel replied looking at Carver.

"There are very few who know, so I doubt it. I haven't told him, if that's what you fear." Carver replied, already prepared to be offended.

"All this is unnerving. I don't know who I can trust anymore." Anders confessed rubbing his forehead.

"The First Warden is ready to see you now, Senior Warden." A young warden announced.

Anders took a deep breath and headed for the doors, praying that he could keep his emotions under control.

* * *

_Author's note: Thank you for supporting the story. I am glad you still enojy it, sorry if I worried you. Just thought maybe I was stringing you along to a point where it got uninterresting. Thank you for reading and reviewing. It means a lot:)_


	68. Chapter 68 Emissaries

**Emissaries**

He walked into the grand office and saw the First Warden. An Anders to boot. Wide shoulders, large muscles and pale skin. He had a grey beard, bushy eyebrows and his hair was long and kept in a braid. From his armour Anders figured he was a warrior. He was a little intimidating actually. This was the first time in his life, Anders actually had something to lose other than his own life and freedom, which made it take all his courage to stay put and not run for the hills. The man looked up from the desk and observed him.

"Ah, so you are Anders." The First Warden said standing up and greeting him with a firm handshake.

"First Warden Isaak." Anders greeted politely.

"Please sit down." Isaak replied gesturing to the chair opposite to his desk.

"Anders... why in the void are you called that? Don't you have a real name?" Isaak asked almost amused.

"It was a nickname I was granted in the circle. I have come accustom to using it." Anders replied.

"Just seems rude. Then again I don't bother to ask most Orlisians their names." Isaak chuckled sitting down.

Anders was surprised by the man's calm nature, but his own stomach was still knotting awfully.

"I remember the commander in Ferelden saying she spent the whole blight being referred to as 'warden'." Anders shrugged as a reply.

"That so... Have your family settled in? I must say I was surprised that you wanted to bring them, but I trust that the Viscountess is aware she has nothing to do with our business." Isaak enquired raising an eyebrow.

"She is aware." Anders replied, his hands tightening from nervousness.

"Good, then let us not delay any longer. My first duty is to inform you how much trouble you have brought the wardens in by marrying the Viscountess. We are not welcomed in politics, as I am sure you are aware." He said almost stricktly.

"The King and Queen of Ferelden are both wardens." Anders defended.

"Yes, but they are not..." Isaak tried to reply.

"... mages." Anders practically spat.

"Right. We are already strained with the Chantry, because we do not subject our mages to Chantry control. Having a warden mage marrying a royalty, has not made us any more popular." Isaak replied seriously.

"Where is this going? It's not like I can undo my marriage." Anders replied a little heatedly.

"It is my duty to inform you as a warden, you cannot take power or political control no matter your relationship. Your status as a warden and a mage come before those of other legal rights. Because of this, I have received a number of requests, from several Grand Clerics, to force you to get your marriage annulled, as it was not consented to by the wardens." Isaak said calmly.

Anders' blood ran cold. This was as bad as he had feared. He had been so happy the day he had married her. It was hard to imagine this would be taken from him.

"And what did you reply?" Anders enquired, barely keeping is anger under control.

"That wardens don't involve themselves in political matters." Isaak smirked almost with satisfaction.

Anders had to laugh with relief as he gave a trembled breath.

"Ha! Sorry, for stringing you along lad." Isaak laughed heartily.

"Now I am not going to interfere with your personal life, but I am going to say this; You need to tread very carefully for the sake of your fellow wardens and mages. This means you will probably have to stand back at times and that will be frustrating."

"Of that I am painfully aware." Anders replied almost annoyed.

"I would imagine so. Now to the reason I made you travel across Thedas. Do you remember this?" Isaak asked handing Anders a scroll.

"Yes, this is a report I did on the Architect, when at Vigils keep." Anders replied looking at it.

"The one Warden-Commander Cousland let live. We know of another such emissary called Coryphaeus, but that is no surprise to you, now is it?" Isaak replied raising an eyebrow.

"No, I was there when he died. Did Laurias tell you?" Anders asked and Isaak gave an almost irritable laugh.

"No, you see he never returned to the wardens after your meeting with him. I was informed about this incident by Carver Hawke, when he came here from Kirkwall a few months ago. Needless to say I was surprised, when he told me of this little adventure." Isaak explained.

"I don't understand, I was certain..." Anders replied unable to hide his surprise.

"In addition, you also happened to be on the expedition into the Deep Roads with Hawke. A thaig that is also of great interest to us. You seem to show up every time something new and unexpected happens." Isaak replied almost with suspicion.

"Well yes, I am just lucky I suppose." Anders groaned and the First Warden chuckled.

"Now listen to me, lad. The architect, Coryphaeus and that thaig are connected somehow and you are the only warden in Thedas who has dealt with all of them. That is why I summoned you." Isaak explained.

"I see... but I hardly understand how I can be of assistance. You sent Carver and Nathaniel into the thaig, the architect is some unknown place in the Deep Roads and Coryphaeus is dead." Anders replied placing the scroll on the desk.

"Wrong. We have reason to believe that Coryphaeus was never killed, but is currently the occupant of Laurais' body." Isaak replied heatedly.

"Andraste's mercy..." Anders breathed bringing his hand to his mouth.

"Aah, good. You see our predicament. We need to know what we are dealing with and you are the most qualified. If not the only one." Isaak explained, carefully watching Anders.

"There are others who can do this. I have another cause that I need to attend to." Anders replied, thinking of his priority to his fellow mages.

"Let me make this clear, warden. If this is not solved, whatever cause you have won't matter." Isaak said deadly serious.

Anders hesitated. He knew that the First Warden was right. This could be dire and possibly bring about the destruction of the world. Then mage freedom would no longer matter. Instantly Maia and Leila entered his mind. They needed to be protected from something like this and he would rather do it himself, than leave it to someone else. In the back of his mind Justice roared with words of the plight of mages, but Anders reminded him that they would still have Hawke and Leila. They would speak and fight for mages, until he could once again return to that fight. Justice had promised to trust in Leila and now that trust was to be tested.

"I understand, but this could take a while." Anders said a little sadly.

"I'm aware. Your family can stay here for a month and then I suggest they go back to Kirkwall. Hopefully not many months will pass before you can rejoin them. I am also certain that the Viscountess cannot be spared for long." Isaak replied.

"No, she cannot. Thank you, First Warden. That is very kind of you." Anders replied.

"Your fellow wardens speak highly of you, even if you left the order without permission. I'm interested to see if you can live up to that reputation. Nathaniel Howe and Carver Hawke had both been assigned to help you with this task. I suggest you see the research my wardens have done so far. Dismissed." Isaak replied kindly.

Anders nodded with respect and walked out the door. In the next room Nathaniel and Carver was waiting for him, with grim expression on their faces. Anders looked at Carver.

"Did you know?" Was his vague question.

"Not until a few weeks ago. Makes me regret I can't go back and cleave Laurias in half." Carver replied.

"He would likely just have jumped into another host." Nathaniel countered drily.

"Wonderful... I am going to inform Leila that I will be working for the wardens for some time, then we can start figuring out this mess." Anders sighed.

"Leila is here?" Carver asked happily.

"Yes and Maia too." Anders smiled.

"Well, then let us go greet your family." Nathaniel replied with a smile.

"And get some lunch." Carver grinned.

* * *

Leila was trying her best to keep herself occupied, but every minute seemed almost unbearable. Maia was playing happily with Ebony. For such a large feral beast it was remarkable gentle with the little girl. Sometimes it even seemed like the one year old was giving the dog commands, which Ebony heeded happily. That dog really was smart. Leila heard the door open and turned to look at Anders. He looked sad, but not devastated. For the moment she hoped for the best. She didn't get the opportunity to ask, before Carver and Nathaniel came in the door. Carver was the first to greet her with a big hug and Nathaniel gave her a warm greeting.

"It's so good to see both of you." Leila smiled.

"You too." Nathaniel smiled.

Carver was too distracted with Maia.

"Come to, Uncle Carver." He cooed and picked up the little girl.

"Would you mind giving us some privacy?" Anders asked.

"No, of course not. My room is just on the other side of the hall. I'll get some lunch for us and we can catch up." Nathaniel suggested.

"I'll bring Maia. With all the things Garrett will be teaching her, I think she needs some good influence." Carver chuckled.

"Thank you both." Leila smiled, as they left the room.  
Leila turned to Anders, her heart beating painfully.

"So?" She asked vaguely.

"Well, I was warned that I am not to have any political influence as a result of our marriage, because I'm a warden. Just a standard reminder it seemed. Some people in the Chantry wanted the First Warden to demand that we annulled our marriage, but he declared it was not his business to do so." Anders replied with a small smile.

"That is a relief, but there is more isn't there?" She asked knowingly.

"Yes, but this is warden business, so I can't discuss it." He said softly.

"I understand. What can you tell me?" She asked sweetly.

"The wardens need my expertise, because of some of the encounters I have had as a warden. I need to work with them, but I don't know for how long. It could be many months." He explained sadly and she took a deep breath.

"Alright... I will need to return to Kirkwall soon then, but at least this is only temporary." She breathed, before giving him a small smile and stroking his cheek.

"The First Warden offered you could stay here for a month." He said softly.

"Alright, but I am not sure Kirkwall can spare me for that long. I made Garrett promise to use the communication stone in the Gallows and contact the Circle in Hossberg, should anything urgent arise. I'll stay for as long as I can." She replied and he nodded with understanding.

* * *

Anders spent the next week going through the research the wardens had gathered. He also read the reports Jannika had turned over before she tried to free Coryphaeus. In the Deep Roads, Anders' believes had been somewhat shaken, with the realisation that Coryphaeus was an ancient magister. Mage or not, him being out there was dangerous. He was part of the reason why mages were prosecuted, not to mention his hand in releasing the Darkspawn on the world. Anders looked over the reports from the wardens who had tried to track down the architect, though they did not seem interested in killing him. Anders thought this reckless and somewhat stupid. In his opinion this Darkspawn was dangerous and should have been killed. But Elissa thought differently and used the argument that wardens did what they had to, in order to prevent the blights. Even making deals with darkspawn. She could of course be right. The Darkspawn disciple Elissa had granted its freedom, spent it protecting people as a warrior in the shadows. Anders wondered how many darkspawn the Architect had made conscious by now. He found himself chuckling remembering one of the first things Leila had said after meeting a darkspawn for the first time.

"_Why do we have more right to live than these souls do?_"

To think that she would show compassion for everyone, even Darkspawn, made his heart swell. How he had gotten so lucky all of a sudden, to have her in his life, he would never know. Leila probably agreed with Elissa's decision. In a way it was comforting that Leila made up her own mind instead of following him blindly, but he also noticed that she has become less cautious over the years. Something that did not please him one bit.  
Anders' felt a chill go down his spine, when he realised why Nathaniel and Carver had been sent back into the Deep Roads, where Hawke's expedition had led. After the red lyrium. The lyrium the idol, that drove Knight-commander Meredith insane, had been made of. Of course the wardens could not just leave alone. They just had to go disturb it. "Fools!" Anders muttered under his breath. He remembered Nathaniel talking about having some contacts that helped the out in the Deep Roads and in his curiosity Anders found the file. Anders shook his head, when he found the answer. The Disciple Elissa had released was now helping the wardens and along the way found other of his kind, that was no longer with the Architect. The wardens now had their own group of sentient, talking darkspawn prowling the Deep Roads for them. He should have figured. Nathaniel had after all been the one, who had advised Elissa to spare the Architect.

The more information Anders gathered, the more apparent did it become that he needed more. Specifically on the Tevinter Imperium and the dwarves, as well as some books on possession. He had always been taught that possession could only occur from a demon or spirit, but evidence would suggest that the lyrium Idol had done the same as well as Coryphaeus. This was unsettling and a bit ironic that he of all mages was given this task. He approached the First Warden with his findings thus far.

"I had my doubts, but it seems you are as clever as Queen Elissa claimed. Very well, but it seems you will need to travel." Isaak said stroking his beard.

"To Kal-Sharok and Vol Dorma, yes." Anders specified.

"Yes, but I would suggest you visit the Circle in Hossberg first. They might have some information, so you don't need to visit the Imperium." Isaak suggested and Anders cringed, to which Isaak chuckled.

"I know, lad, but you are both a warden and given dispensation from the Divine. No templar in Thedas is able to touch you." Isaak smiled.

"Try telling them that." Anders groaned.

"All the same I want you to go there first. And put on your uniform will you? You should be proud to be a part of the order." Isaak suggested sternly, sounding like a father slightly correcting his child.

"As you wish, First Warden." Anders groaned.

"I'll leave first thing tomorrow." Anders continued and walked out the door.

* * *

Anders was packing a few things for his journey while Leila was sitting on the bed.

"So Vol Dorma is in Tevinter, where is Kal-Sharok?" She asked.

"It is west of here. It is the only other dwarven city left." He explained.

"Is that where Varric's family is from?"

"No, he is from Orzammar."

"When are you going? If you are allowed to tell me." She said softly.

"I don't know yet. The First Warden has insisted that I visit the Circle in Hossberg." He sighed.

"Can I join you? I would like to send a message to Kirkwall. I requested by letter, if I could use the communication stone in the Circle, a few days ago and they agreed. I won't interfere with your task." She smiled.

"I don't see why not, but what about Maia?"

"A Mistress Wolsey has taken a liking to her and Carver will be here as well. I'm sure I can get them to watch her for a few days." She explained.

"I know her. She was a treasurer at Vigils Keep, the first six months I was stationed there. She is friendly enough, if stern." He replied.

"I'll go ask them then." She smiled and stood up.

She walked over to him and looked at him in his uniform. It was blue with a high collar and the tunic had grey stripes. On the right sleeve was a silver griffon. It was closed with brown leather straps and had brown boots and leather gloves to match. His shirt and trousers were black.

"It suits you." She said softly, gently letting her fingers run from his shoulders down his arms.

"I feel trapped in it. It is a grim reminder of a reality I can't run from." He sighed.  
She took his ungloved hand and stroked his wedding band.

"And this? Does that make you feel trapped?" She asked carefully and his expression softened.

"No, that one represents freedom." He smiled and kissed her softly.

"You really are good at smooth-talking, you know." She chuckled against his lips.

"I do know." He replied with a smirk.

He pulled her close and deepened the kiss.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_I hope you liked this chapter. I tried to find information about the First Warden, but there is nothing in the games but some vague references. He is prone to involve himself in politics in the Anderfels, but that is it. Therefore I made him more sympathetic to Anders' situation. So he is completely me own creation. I hope you liked him._

_I also hope you liked the previous chapter. I wanted Justice to evolve as he is influenced by Anders' emotions. He was first perverted by Anders' rage, but by now he has been subjected to Anders' feelings for Leila for so long, I wanted that to change him a little as well. Let me know what you think on this take on Justice._


	69. Chapter 69 Alexander and Albert

**Alexander and Albert**

To move more swiftly Anders and Leila had taken a horse each instead of the carriage. Things had been quiet between them lately. Ever since the night they arrived at Wiesshaupt. Leila seemed distant and almost seemed plagued by guilt. What she wasn't aware of, was that Anders knew why she was struggling. The night she had shared with Justice was clear in his mind, but he had not told her that he knew. Justice had refused to break his friends trust, even as the barrier between what was Justice's and Anders' seemed to crumble. Before they had done anything, Justice had awoken Anders in the back of his mind. When Anders had made love to Leila before, there had been instances where Justice had been present in some form. Aware of what was happening and feeling the emotions and physical pleasure. It was on those rare occasions that spirit and host has merged completely. There was no telling, where Anders began and Justice ended. In these cases Anders had however been in full control of his body. That night the roles had been reversed and it had been disturbing, pleasurable and highly confusing. In a way he felt bad that Justice had been... neglected for the lack of a better word. At the same time Anders felt jealous, which confused him even more. Leila had fallen in love with both of them, seeing them as one individual. Two halves of the same man and until now that had not been a problem. He knew she had kissed and comforted Justice, but this was a whole new boarder that had been crossed. A part of him figured he had no right to be jealous, as he himself said that Justice was a part of him. Then there was the other part, which made his heart wrench slightly. He momentarily figured that this was the reason he should never have gotten involved with anyone, after merging with Justice. A part of him took comfort in the fact that it was unlikely to happen again, as Justice rarely took over. Still this part of their relationship was so deeply confusing and one look into her eyes told him, that she felt the same. Perhaps he should have told her that he was aware, but he didn't dare approach the subject. And maybe a small part of him, the jealous part, wanted her to feel guilty for a little while before informing her. He immediately scolded himself for feeling that way, but for now he needed to come to terms with it himself.  
Riding through the wasteland Anders couldn't shake the uneasy feeling as an overwhelming range of memories flooded his mind.

"Are you alright, my love?" Leila asked softly riding up next to him.

"I honestly don't know how to answer that... I thought I had put all this behind me, but being here brings it all back. Not to mention that we are going into a circle." He sighed.

"I'm right here." She said softly, reaching for his hand.

"I know. Thank you." He smiled and brought her hand to his lips.

They closed in on Hossberg and Anders could feel his blood boiling with rage. His hand grasped the amulet and he held it tight. Trying to brace himself for seeing the tranquil and all the mages locked up. He knew that after he and Leila had married and with the changes she had made in Kirkwall, a lot of circles had become more strict, fearing rebellion.

"I suggest we stay at a tavern tonight, and then we can face the circle tomorrow." Leila suggested and Anders nodded in agreement.

They found a tavern some distance from the Circle. Leila did not want anyone to know, who she was and Anders would rather be as far away from it as possible. After having some dinner Anders took a bath. He knew he had to face what had happened with Justice, but felt it impossible to bring it up in a casual way. When he came back into their room, Leila stood at the window looking out on the street and even from meters away he could see her trembling. He walked over behind her and kissed her neck and she let out a trembled breath. He could not take it any longer. Seeing her suffer like this was painful to him.

"I know what happened between you and Justice." He said softly.

She turned around and guilt, horror and heartache were plain on her face as tears started to form in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I just needed you so much, but I didn't feel it would be right to lean on you. That's why I was so happy to see Justice, because I could take comfort in an adult. I never planned for it to end as it did. It's just... it was your lips, arms and scent and I longed to be in your arms. I didn't even... hell this is so confusing." She said with frustration, as she continued to tremble.

"It's alright, love." He soothed rubbing her shoulder.

"It is?" She asked with disbelief and self-hatred.

"I lived in the circle for a big part of my life. Taking comfort in others was pretty much what we did. The only thing that made life bearable. And just so you know, I was present at the time. I was just not in control." He said softly.

She looked up at him and released a trembled breath, before throwing her arms around his neck.

"What a relief!" She breathed.

"Not to say I wasn't jealous, but perhaps that is how Justice feels on a daily basis." He mused raising an eyebrow.

"I should have talked to you about it first, but I just never expected it... considered it even. I can't figure out, when to see you as one individual and when to see you as two." She replied rubbing her face.

"You are not the only one." He breathed a little sadly.

"When did everything get so complicated?" She sighed, as she pulled away.

"I love you." He said softly.

"I love you too, but that doesn't make it easier." She said a little sadly stroking his cheek.

"Merrill said once that reminding yourself that you loved someone made things seem a lot clearer. I think that's a good approach." He smiled.

"Did you just take advice from a bloodmage? The horror!" She faked gasping with a grin on her face.

"You are playing with fire." He growled teasingly.

"Oh, I know." She purred, before chuckling.

* * *

The next day they walked to the circle. Anders was not worried about losing control over Justice. He had after all been at the Gallows a number of times and nothing had happened, thankfully. Still he was definitely not fond of it, even as he had both a document and uniform to insure his freedom. Isaak had a point. Anders would be one of the few mages, who had complete immunity from the circle. At least until a new Divine was chosen. That would probably not happen in another twenty years at least, but that didn't mean that his freedom still wasn't temporary. Something needed to be done and soon, but thankfully Leila was fighting tooth and nail for it. He had to admit that he was a little satisfied that the Circle's around Thedas and begun stirring and words of rebellion was spreading. Leila's attempts were impressive and he knew they would change things, but in the end of the day what he had always wanted was a revolution. Of course he wanted to find a peaceful way, but he honestly doubted that would possible. Sometimes he knew that Leila felt the same. But though the years had hardened her a little, she remained diplomatic and peaceful in her nature. She would not be able to take comfort in the ends as a justification of the means, when it meant other people's life. They finally arrived and Anders shuttered, as he looked up at the windowless tower. He looked at Leila, who had a frown on her face and somehow this comforted him. Around the tower was a tall stone wall, daring any mage to climb it. A challenge, that Anders would have willingly accepted had he been trapped there. They walked to the gates and Anders felt Justice stir in his subconscious by the sight of the templars.

"What business do you have here?" One of the templars questioned.

"I am here on official warden business. This is a petition from the First Warden to use your library." Anders replied calmly.

"I see and you little lady, what business do you have here?" The templar enquired.

"I am the delegate from Kirkwall." Leila replied handing him a document, with her seal on it.

"Everything seems to be in order, if you follow the recruit he will show you inside." The templar stated gesturing at the recruit.

The gates were opened and the followed the recruit. He was looking and studying Anders quite intensely with a little fear shown in his eyes. When Anders groaned in annoyance, Leila took his hand to give him some comfort.

"S-so you are travelling with a mage without a templar escort?" The recruit said nervously, as they entered the tower.

"Why would I need protection?" Leila asked calmly and Anders chuckled, as the recruit looked at her as if she was mad.

"But mages are d-dangerous."

"Like any man, they only do harm when they so choose. Besides, I hardly need protection from my own husband." Leila replied calmly and the entry hall full of templars went quiet and stared at her.

You could have heard a needle fall to the floor in the giant room, as the templars observed the woman who had calmly admitted that she married a mage. Something that the Chantry was against, even if the wardens were not. Anders felt some satisfaction at this, as she openly admitted that she had not subjected herself to Chantry rule. He shouldn't do it, but he just couldn't help himself. He lowered his lips to hers and gave her a firm kiss, which she returned without hesitation, much to the templars dismay. When he pulled away they gave each other a knowing smile. The recruit composed himself and led them through the tower until they arrived at a staircase.

"This is where your ways part, Rita will you take this woman to the First-Enchanter?" The recruit asked a tranquil, who of course complied.

"Be strong, love." Leila said comforting against Anders' lips as she kissed him.

"See you in a little while." He tried to smile.

Walking through the tower, Anders saw that the templars had indeed become more paranoid. There was twice the amount of templars on duty, than there had ever been in Kinloch Hold. The children, especially, were watched with the outmost suspicion and it made his skin crawl. He was led into the library and looked into the giant room, which seemed to be overflowing with books. The recruit looked around, obviously trying to find someone, but seemed unable.

"Senior-enchanter Albert?" the recruit called.

"What?" An annoyed voice said from somewhere up high.

Anders leaned his head back and saw the top of someone's head on the opposite side of the tall bookcase.

"There is a warden here, who needs your assistance." The recruit replied.

"Why is it always, when I am in the middle of something?" The voice grumbled.

"Be careful, he has a vile temper." The recruit whispered to Anders.

Anders had to chuckle at the absurd twist the young templar had taken. A moment ago he had been willing to lock Anders up, but was now warning him with concern. A man emerged from behind the bookcase. He was in his late thirties, had light red hair, a beard around his mouth, pale skin with freckles and brown eyes. His hair was long and was in a ponytail. He had a massive tattoo on his neck of a bear. Something he must have gotten while serving with the army, Anders figured. He had more muscles than was commonly seen in a circle mage, but this would also make sense if he had served with the army. He was a little taller than Anders, who was usually considered tall. The mage, Albert, paused for a moment watching Anders carefully, which made him feel a little uneasy. Albert shrugged and looked at the recruit.

"I can take it from here." Albert replied and the recruit almost bolted the room.

"He was certainly a proud member of the order." Anders remarked sarcastically with a chuckle.

"As if wardens would know." Albert groaned.

"We are in the circle, before we are recruited." Anders replied, crossing his arms.

"Well, forgive me if I don't show my sympathies." Albert grunted turning away.

"So, what do you want warden?" He then asked, clearly annoyed by being disturbed.

"I need access the information you have about demonic possession and ancient lore about the subject." Anders replied calmly.  
Albert turned raising an eyebrow.

"Why would you...? Argh, never mind! As if I care what you people do. This way." Albert replied and gestured Anders to follow.

They walked to the other end of the library. The reached a big door that had been enchanted with Tevinter runes preventing anyone without authorisation to enter. On one side stood a tevinter statue. Albert conjured a spell that made the runes light up and then turned to the statue.

"Luro non nocent." Albert said in Tevinter, which Ander knew meant _"I swear to do no harm."_.

"Senior Enchanter Albert. The way forward has been opened." The statue replied.

The door opened and they walked through it. Anders nearly fell over backwards. He knew that there were books kept from mages in the tower, but he had no idea it was so many. What couldn't he accomplish if he had access to these books on a daily basis? In the middle of the room there was a table and Albert silently, and without looking at him, gestured Anders to sit. Albert began picking out the books, as he was talking to himself.

"This one's rubbish... this one outdated... this one could work... where did I... are there it is." Albert mumbled to himself, as he picked up a half dozen books.

Anders looked at the man closely. He was used to circle mages being a little odd, but this man seemed to be more than your average stir crazy mage. Anders wondered what schools of magic this man used. It would have to be something physically challenging, for him to look like that and yet he was obviously bookish as well. When he came back he had a pile of books towering him that he carried with ease. With a loud noise he placed them on the table.

"These should do." Albert said indifferently.

"Thank you." Anders replied.

"You are not allowed in here on your own, so I'll just continue my work in here." Albert replied, still annoyed about having been interrupted.

"Alright, I'll try to resist the urge to disturb you." Anders remarked sarcastically, to which Albert just grunted.

"So who are you warden?" Albert asked after a few minutes of silence while searching for some books.

"I'm Anders." He replied.

"Very clever, so am I. I said 'who' not 'what'." Albert grunted.

"My name is Anders. It was nickname I got in the circle in Ferelden and no I don't use my given name any longer." Anders replied with annoyance.

For some reason this made Albert pause. The large mage turned and looked at Anders again, as if questioning him. Suddenly he walked over to the table and grabbed Anders by the chin, forcing him to stand. Albert narrowed his eyes and looked at Anders.

"Get off me." Anders growled in a deadly and low voice.

"Makers breath!" Albert exclaimed and let Anders go before stepping two steps backwards.

Fear touched Anders' heart fearing that Albert would inform the templars, he was an abomination. Nothing would protect him from being struck down then, not even the Divine. Albert stood completely still and watched Anders carefully, without saying a word. He seemed in shock. Not that Anders was surprised. Everyone but Leila looked at him with distrust and fear.

"Alexander?" Albert then said carefully narrowing his eyes.

Anders froze and must have looked just as shocked as Albert did a moment ago. How did this mage know his given name?

"How do you know that name?" Anders asked, not sure which emotion to use.

"It is you!" Albert laughed happily and embraced him lifting him of the ground.

Anders pushed him away now more confused than ever, but Albert still had a huge grin on his face. Then realisation seemed to dawn on him.

"You don't remember... Of course you don't, you were so young." Albert replied a little apologetic.

"What are you talking about?" Anders asked a little panicked.

"Let us sit down." Albert suggested and hesitantly Anders agreed.

"Hmm... I confess I don't know how to begin this conversation." Albert admitted sitting down.

"Just tell me." Anders almost demanded and Albert chuckled.

"Impatient as always. I'll just be direct then. It would seem that I'm your brother." Albert smiled.

"My brother? But I was told my brother died." Anders replied unable to hide his surprise.

"Father undoubtedly thought it best. You were only five, when I was taken to this circle. A dishonour to my family and a curse. When I was nineteen I heard that my brother had also turned out to be a mage. I bet father loved that!" Albert remarked sarcastically.

"Oh yes, he was ecstatic." Anders replied grimly.

"Well, I don't know if you remember, but the first night after you were taken by the templars you spent here. We met that night, do you remember?" Albert asked.

"No, I don't I'm afraid." Anders replied.

"No wonder. You were scared out of your wits. Still gave the templars a hard time though. It was amusing. Unfortunately siblings may not be in the same circle, so I implored the First-Enchanter to send you to Ferelden." Albert explained.

"Why Ferelden?" Anders asked surprised.

"I met the First-Enchanter there once and he seemed like a decent fellow." Albert shrugged.

Anders was about to speak his mind about the First-Enchanter, but decided against it. It was clear that Albert had done it to try and protect him from as much harm as possible. And Kinloch Hold was not as terrible as other circles, for those who were willing to submit.

"Excuse me, this is just surreal. " Anders chuckled rubbing his forehead.

"Agreed... So tell me, what are you doing in the Anderfels?" Albert asked.

"Warden business." Anders replied simply.

"Are you stationed at Weisshaupt then?"

"Yes, but only temporary. I was actually recruited into the order in Ferelden, shortly after the blight." Anders explained.

"So you know the Hero of Ferelden? Maker has been kind to you it seems." Albert replied raising an eyebrow.

"In moderation and far in between, but I am better off than most." Anders said solemnly.

"So you live in Ferelden then?" Albert asked.

"No, Kirkwall actually." Anders replied and Albert's eyes widened.

"The city with the Viscountess with a death wish? There is not a templar I know, who does not want to see her burn." Albert said almost with admiration for the woman.

"They will never harm her." Anders vowed in a low growl.

"Always with the temper..." Albert sighed.  
Anders composed himself. He did not want Albert to know about Justice.

"She has risked so much for us all. Mages, elves, the poor, they all matter to her and she protects them as she would any other citizen." Anders explained.

"She sounds almost celestial." Albert said a little doubtful.

"She is... There is someone I would like you to meet." Anders said standing up.

"Alright, when?" Albert asked.

"Now, she is here in the tower." Anders clarified and Albert looked at him curiously.

They walked through the tower and Anders asked the tranquil Leila had been following, where she was. The tranquil led them to a room, where Leila was currently alone. She stood up with a smile as she saw Anders.

"Done already?" She asked walking towards him.

"No, but I wanted you to meet someone. Albert, this is my wife Leila." Anders introduced proudly.

"Your wife? By all that is holy... Excuse me, but he doesn't seize to amaze apparently." Albert said clearly trying to grasp all of this.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Leila said sweetly taking his hand.

"Love, Albert is my brother."


	70. Chapter 70 The closet's skeletons

**The closet's skeletons**

* * *

Leila stood dumbfounded for a few moments trying to comprehend what Anders had just told her.

"Your brother? I wasn't aware... I thought your brother was dead?" Leila said a little hesitantly.

"As far as our father was concerned, I probably should have been. " Albert replied calmly.

"I'm sorry." She replied with heartfelt sympathy.

"He did his duty by the Chantry and the Maker. Your sympathy is unnecessary." Albert replied with a small smile.

"You believe that?" Anders asked with surprise and a little offense shining through.

Leila took Anders' hand to calm him. Anders' distrust of the Chantry and painful memories related to his father undoubtedly made this very difficult to hear. Especially, when it came from a brother he had presumed dead for years.

"For many years, yes. I was even a member of the Chantry Loyalist's for years." Albert said with the same calmness.

"The fraternity that supports Chantry control of the circle?" Leila asked, finding it hard to understand why anyone would.

"Yes, the fraternity mages, who believe they are nothing but a curse, join." Anders said, barely hiding is bitterness.

"You supported the Libertarians no doubt." Albert scoffed.

"I would rather fight for my freedom, than just hand it over to people who have convinced themselves that they are the Makers' chosen, without any proof of it." Anders replied a little heatedly.

"Love, please. This is your brother, surely fighting about something like this, so shortly after meeting him, isn't what you want." Leila said softly stroking his arm, while still holding his hand with the other. Anders' eyes softened a little as he looked down on her.

"It would seem that your struggles had paid off. You even found someone who can mitigate your temper. Mother couldn't do that for father and I have never found one who could do the same for me." Albert replied calmly, though observing Anders closely.

Anders' cringed. Being told that he had anything in common with his father, a man he loathed and who had treated both his sons with contempt, made his blood boil. This of course only proved that Albert was right in his assessment. As if she knew, Leila squeezed his hand a little and Anders couldn't help but look at her again with a soft smile.

"You are right. I have been lucky." Anders smiled fondly at his wife.

"What about your mother? Is she still alive, do you know?" Leila asked, eager to change the subject.

"Yes, she is. She was not allowed to contact me for many years, primarily because of our father. He died some years ago though." Albert replied.

"How is she?" Anders asked with genuine concern.

"She was well enough the last time I heard, but since she can't read or write I have to send messages through the chantry. One of the Mothers there has been kind to help her. I can write a letter telling her that you are here." Albert offered.

"I..." Anders began and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes, thank you." He finished after some internal debate.

"You're welcome. So how long have you two been married?" Albert asked, trying to keep to small talk.

"A few months." Leila replied and Anders squeezed her hand lovingly.

"Congratulations then. Am I to be an uncle soon then?" Albert said teasingly.

"You already are. We have a one year old daughter." Anders said fondly.

"That's wonderful. The Maker really has blessed you. I'm happy for you both." Albert said with surprising cheerfulness.

"Why? Aren't you supposed to be against this? Making sure that all mages succumb to the leash quietly." Anders accused sternly, while crossing his arms.

"As I said, I used to be a Loyalist." Albert continued, trying to suppress his offense, and Anders looked at him with interest.

"What changed?" Anders asked.

"Three things. I will tell you if you wish to know, but one of them in particular cannot be shown to your wife." Albert explained giving Leila and apologetic look.

"That's alright. I understand. I still have some business to attend to and you have a lot of catching up to do." Leila smiled.

"Is everything alright?" Anders asked with concern.

"Yes, it's fine. Garrett just received a request, he was unsure about how to respond to, so I have to look at the details and report back to him." She explained with a soft smile.

Anders gave her small kiss before he and Albert walked out the door. They were quiet for awhile, as Albert led them through the tower. Both had never thought to see each other again and had not even had the opportunity to consider that they might have little in common. Not to mention that they might disagree on something that was such a fundamental part of who Anders was. They walked into what Anders recognized as the storage room. He felt a chill run down his spine as they entered. Usually storage rooms were looked after by the tranquil. He could feel Justice raging and the memory of Ser Alrik was not hidden far below the surface. Albert walked towards an elven woman. Anders guessed she was in her mid twenties, but it was hard to tell with elves. Her hair was yellow blonde and her eyes light blue, but lifeless. Her hair was kept out of her face for all to see the mark branded into her forehead. Leila had said that the Divine was researching away for this atrocity to be reversed and for Anders that could not come soon enough. Once the mages had been liberated, he was going to make sure that each and every one of the tranquil would have the rite reversed. He was going to right the injustice that had befallen them.

"This is Leneaya. This is my brother Alexander." Albert introduced looking at her with a kind expression.

"Anders, actually." Anders corrected, his heart saddened on behalf of the little elf before him.

"I was not aware that the Senior Enchanter had a brother. Welcome to the Hossberg circle." Leneaya replied in an even and emotionless voice.

"Thank you." Anders replied calmly, focusing on keeping Justice in control.

"Leneaya and I have known each other for more than a decade, but we have other duties to attend to. Sorry for disturbing you." Albert said looking at Leneaya, who just nodded.

Albert gestured to Anders, making him follow him back down to the library. Anders wondered why Albert wanted him to meet Leneaya and why it had been so brief. From the brand Anders could tell that Leneaya had been tranquil for a long time, so it would not explain why Albert should have so suddenly had a change of heart. From what Albert had said so far it seemed that his points on views on the Chantry had changed suddenly and probably so long ago. When they got back to the library, they walked back into the restricted section. When inside Albert made sure the door was closed and gestured for Anders to sit down, while he walked towards a bookcase.

"What was that about? Why did you want me to meet Leneaya?" Anders asked, not entirely sure where all this was going.

"Ten years ago, when Leneaya was an apprentice and I only had the rank of Enchanter we were involved. I cared for her deeply, but I was partly responsible for her being made tranquil." Albert began.

"Responsible how?" Anders asked, fearing the worst made it almost seem like an accusation.

"It's not what you think. She became pregnant and had a son... we had a son. I never saw him of course and he was sent to the Chantry shortly after." Albert continued.

"I'm so sorry." Anders said in earnest, the fear of losing Maia emphasizing his already sympathetic nature.

Albert merely nodded in responds to this. Despite his temper, which they seemed to have in common, Albert was much more hardened than Anders. He did not show much vulnerability and even seemed a bit coarse. He did not seem like a particular compassionate man and a bit unfriendly, but from his first reaction when he recognized Anders, it did seem that he had a big heart. He simply did not show it. This must also be the reason why he seemed so calm around Leneaya and about losing his child. At least that is what Anders hoped.

"Since she was still an apprentice, when this happened, they did not allow her to take the harrowing. They thought that, when she had so early disregarded the Chantry's rules, she could not be permitted to become enchanter. She was made tranquil only a few days after giving birth. At the time it was almost a relief for her, I suspected. Then she did not have to feel the pain of losing our son to the Chantry. At least that is what I convinced myself at the time." Albert explained.

"I see. Then what did change your mind?" Anders then asked, masking his disgust he felt, that losing his child and the woman he cared for having her soul destroyed, did not make Albert want to turn away from the Chantry.

Albert came towards him with an old book.

"It had been nagging me all these years, but with will you can convince yourself a great many things, that aren't true. This however was what turned my beliefs upside down. Normally I would warn you before reading it, but I doubt that it would affect your already poor opinion of the Chantry. I am going to make a copy for you, while you do your research." Albert stated already walking towards the desk.

Anders nodded in responds. He was of course curious, but right now he did have his warden mission to attend to. That was first priority, so he would not have to be separated from Leila and Maia longer than necessary. He had to admit that Albert certainly knew the library and the content of the books well. He already suspected that possession wasn't limited to demons, but what he found now disturbed him. Apparently there had been mages who for centuries had experimented with binding souls to different things. Like imprisoning their enemies into different objects as punishment. The tales Anders had heard of the witch of the wilds, named Flemmeth, came to mind. According to Elissa, Flemmeth had found a way to avoid death by possessing the bodies of her adopted daughters. It was possible that this had been the same knowledge some of these mages had sort. And obviously, if what the First Warden suspected was correct, Coryphaeus already mastered this technique. It both mortified and enraged Anders. It was actions like these that meant mages had lost their freedom. So many who wished nothing more than a normal life was punished, because of other people's desire for power. Not that it justified what the Chantry was doing. With that logic everyone should be imprisoned, as everyone could have the potential for doing anything for power. Not excluding the people in the Chantry or templars.

This point was only proven when Anders came across something else. So far everything pointed towards mages being the only ones interested in possession. What he found next was something achieved by the most unlikely people. It was well known that dwarves possessed no magical talent and was even said to be immune to most of it, but they had also experimented and succeeding in possession. Apparently the dwarves created Golems partly through blood magic. Sacrificing the soul of a person, in order to give the golem life. This soul would then be trapped inside the stone giant and bound to a control rod, making the golem follow every command of its master's whim. This was no different than a mage being made tranquil or a Qunari mage leashed to an Avaraan (the mages "handler"). Anders knew that Elissa had travelled with a sentient golem, but he had never heard the details and had certainly never expected this. He would have to hear more about it from her, when he got the oppertunity. It also got him thinking about the idol they found in the Deep Roads all those years ago. Had it been created by similar means? Did it contain the soul of someone sinister? Or a lost soul that had been locked away for so long it had been driven mad? Bartrand had referred to the voices he heard after being "possessed" by the Idol as a woman. And when they had investigated the house, where Bartrand foolishly had hidden a piece, an apparition of a golem had shown itself. This brought another chilling thought to Anders' mind. Had the essence of the idol been destroyed with Meredith or was it still out there somewhere? As if Anders didn't have enough on his mind, now this was brought to his attention. He got the feeling that something big was brewing somewhere, but no one was paying attention to it... yet.

He was awoken from this trail of thought, as Albert forced him to look away from his research.

"I'm sorry, but you will have to leave now. The templars have become very strict in how long people are allowed to visit and how much time we use in this section. Even if only I and three others are allowed in here. I have traced these pages for you. Keep them close to you and have no one see them on you. You can show your wife, if you trust her, but be careful. I will trace more for you tomorrow." Albert explained and handed Anders the pages.

Anders nodded as a reply and hid them among his own notes, before leaving the library.

* * *

Needless to say, that when he and Leila arrived back at the inn, Anders' mind was tired and confused. The information about possession and meeting a brother, he had thought to be dead, had overwhelmed him. But he was not prepared for what other surprises the evening would bring him. Leila was sitting at the table writing, as she was attending to some business in Kirkwall. Her duties never ended it seemed, even as she was a thousand miles away. He knew she would have to leave soon and then only Maker knew how long it would be before he was reunited with her. She was taking all this so well and he admired her strength, but knew that her heart was as apprehensive and distort as his own was. Knowing that he couldn't interrupt her, no matter how much he wanted to, he turned his attention to the traced pages Albert had given him. Whatever it was had turned a chantry Loyalist into someone suspicious of the Chantry and Templars. This could be vital in the liberation of the mages.

Leila looked up from her papers. Garrett had said that the circle had received an increased number of requests from mages who wanted to transfer to the Kirkwall circle. This was of course decided by the Knight-commander and First Enchanter, but as these mages all wanted to use the freedom granted, there needed to be more opportunities for them to do so. How to do this, she had no idea of as of yet, but one thing was certain, she could only stay two more weeks at the most. Right now she was looking at Anders who was reading some papers. She knew the day had been overwhelming for him, how could it not have been? Maybe that would explain the white colour on his face, which kept spreading across his face as he read. Suddenly his eyes kept moving fast, his skin began to glow with those blue cracks, as he kept turning the pages almost franticly.

"Love, what is it?" She asked concerned.

He looked at her momentarily confused and the glow faded, even as his expression was a mixture of emotions she had difficulty deciphering. He gave a laugh of disbelief and seemed somewhere in between happy and completely mind blown.

"If what this says is true, then Andraste was a mage." He said unable to hide his disbelief.

"What?!" Leila exclaimed.

In an instant she was of her chair and over at the bed, almost forcefully pulling the papers out of his hands. As she read she reacted almost as Anders did, her eyes moving quickly devouring every word, as her eyes thirsted for the next. Franticly she turned the pages. The pages had been traced from an old book that hypothesized that Andraste was in fact a mage herself and had argued that magic should be used to benefit all, not as a means to dominate them. That she had not in fact suggested that mages should be incarcerated, but merely that they should be taught, how to use their gifts differently. Some of this made sense, as the Chantry had not been formed until long after Andraste had died. Many of those who had created this religion had never known her of course, so their actions and believes had been created out of speculation. Well founded speculation perhaps, but speculation none the less. Not to mention that the man, Kordilius Drakon, changing the cult of the Chantry into a full blown religion, had benefited surprisingly well. He had wanted to gather all of Orlais under one banner and he had used the popularity of the cult (not to mention the fear of magic) to achieve it. Pro chantry or against it didn't change the fact that it was a religion created out of fear. And in their desire for the Maker to return to the world of Thedas, they intended to make everyone believe in him. Dalish, Qunari and dwarves had on occasion been forced to convert to this religion, but without much success. No matter how extreme the means used against them. Leila had long suspected they had been harder to convince, because the argument of magic did not work as well. The Qunari dealt with the mages in their own way and often thought the Chantry to soft. Dwarves couldn't care less for it, seeing as they believed themselves immune and the Dalish valued magic and even made mages their leaders. No wonder these three groups was a thorn in the Chantry's eye.

But if this was true, if Andraste was a mage, this could undermine their hold on the mages. How could they justify locking them away, when the woman they worshipped, the bride of their god, was one. If the Maker had chosen a mage as his bride, then how could magic possibly be an offense to him? Leila looked up at Anders who was breathing a little heavily.

"Can we prove this?" She asked with a trembled breath, trying to control her excitement. After all it was only a theory.

"I don't know, but I am going to try. Just after the business with the wardens... I... How am I going to do all this?" Anders asked a little frustrated, being torn in so many directions at once.

"Shh, love. Why don't I research this? Then when you come home, I might have much more on the subject and we can work together. I might not be able to help you with the warden stuff, but this is a burden you can share with me." She said with a soft smile, stroking his cheek.

"I'm sorry things couldn't be different." He replied a little solemnly.

"We are making sure that they will be different." She said lovingly and comforting.

She wrapped her arms around him pulling him close as they sat on the bed. Anders began kissing her neck and pushed her down on her back. He then claimed her lips and deepened the kiss, as his hands roamed up and down her sides. Her breath became short pants, as his searing lips travelled down her neck and his hands instantly calming any tension in her body. Her hands dived into his hair, releasing it from the leather band and taking comfort from the softness. She smiled, as she smelled the faint scent of herbs coming from him and sighed as he kissed the most sensitive spot on her neck. Her heart beating, the sound of his kisses and their ragged breath, made her almost miss the sound of the crackling paper.

"Anders?" She said between kisses.

"Mmmm..." Came the indifferent reply, as he was concentrating on the signals in his body.

"We are crushing the documents." Leila noted with a smile.

With sudden panic Anders got up, making sure that none of the pieces of papers had been damaged. Leila laughed as she saw him fussing over the documents.

"Yes, yes. Very funny. Now help me gather these will you?" He replied faking annoyance.

Leila chuckled and sat up to help him picking up the scattered pieces of paper and putting them in the right order.


	71. Chapter 71

**Lost**

Hawke was sitting in the Hanged Man. Weeks of stepping in for Leila had proved tiring and difficult. The welfare among the elves was improving, but of course some nobles were concerned that their servants would get troublesome. Reach above their station. As it was, improvements had been made to the alienage and it was no longer the most rigid place to live in Kirkwall. The trade deals made with Ferelden and Stark Haven made wealth slowly flourish, but smugglers continued to be a problem. But as a whole the elves were less poor and better homes.  
The greatest problem however was the mages. It was a rather pleasant problem considering the ones that had existed while Meredith was alive, but a problem none the less. The wish for greater liberty among the mages required that new initiatives were taken. There was still the matter of the mages wanting to live free from the circle in order to have a normal life, but these steps needed to be taken by Leila and approved by the Divine. Leila needed to return to the city as soon as possible, so they would not feel abandoned. In addition to this a lot of mages from other circles had requested a transfer. This was certainly a change of events considering, that three years ago they would have been made tranquil for the smallest crimes. Other circles would need to make some of these changes soon as well or the mages would riot no matter what.  
Varric had one of the servant girls bring them another round of ale and Hawke emptied his in one go.

"Easy there, Hawke. I can't carry you home if you end under the table." Varric shook his head.

"Hey, you don't hear me correcting you for drinking like this after dealing with the merchant's guild." Hawke objected.

"Point taken." Varric replied and filled Hawke's mug again.

"You should hear some of the requests the nobles make. It takes every bit of will power not just to tell them to sod off." Hawke chuckled.

"I think I have the remedy. How about we go down and clear the undercity of some smugglers and slavers? Bianca could use some excitement." Varric proposed standing up and reaching for his crossbow.

"Ah, Varric. There is a reason we became such good friends." Hawke chuckled and reached for his staff getting up.

"Let's bring Daisy and Rivani." Varric suggested as they walked down stairs where the two ladies were playing cards.

* * *

Darktown had mostly been cleared out by now. The refugees had either found jobs or gone back to Ferelden. It was still strange coming down there knowing that the Healer no longer resided in this part of the city. Hawke still chuckled remembering his first meeting with Anders. Little did he know that the selfless healer, who was threatening him, would turn out to be his best friend. Not to mention that said healer would end up marrying the Viscountess of Kirkwall and he himself would become the champion. Things really had change since they met each other six years ago. Torn from feelings of nostalgia Hawke looked around. There was little more than smugglers and thugs down here. But they were primarily here for slavers since Fenris had decided to join them. It seemed very quiet tonight however. Strange considering the smugglers did most of their work at night. And Hawke would know since both he and Carver used to be smugglers. It had been awhile since he had been down here, now that Anders' clinic was placed in Lowtown and Hawke had actually forgotten the smell. The humid air that brought with it the scent of rot and sewage, not to mention the dust and dirt in the air and it was almost unbearable. They suddenly stopped as they reached the lower part of Darktown, just before the entrance to the sewer. They had not seen a soul yet.

"This is where we are normally ambushed." Fenris stated calmly looking around.

"That's not certain, Fenris. Perhaps Aveline and her guards cleared this place out?" Merrill offered optimistically.

"When have we ever been that lucky?" Hawke replied drawing his staff.  
Sure enough shadows started moving above them, but Hawke was surprised to see five mages coming down towards them.

"Ah, and here is the Champion of Kirkwall. I must admit I wanted us to meet at a later this, but this is most fortuitous." The female mage began.  
Hawke felt a chill run down his spine. This was not going to end well.

"If you were so eager to meet mem, you could have just asked. I always have time for beautiful women." Hawke smirked, hiding his suspicion behind his flirtatious nature.

"I should not be so eager. You and that whore of a Vicountess." She spat.

"Wait... I know you. You used to work for Anders at his clinic... Maria wasn't it?" Hawke suddenly realised.

"Aaah, you remember. I tried to get to the fool to see reason. Rejoin our cause instead of hiding behind her skirt. Funny how righteous he became as he traded sexual favours for safety." Maria remarked snidely.

"You are wrong. Anders cares about the mages. He believes in the cause." Merrill argued.

"Is that what you think? The viscountess has him tamed like a qunari mage. Now he is her little prize, kept only to appease the mages giving us false hope. She is just another tool of the Divine and the Chantry. She and Elthina have to be removed if we have any hope for a future." Maria replied with venom dripping from her lips.

"Alright, you clearly don't know Sunshine, lady. Who is this anyway Hawke? I'm thinking her and Bianca is going to be acquainted soon." Varric asked eyeing the mage, as his hand prepared to reach for his crossbow.

"She used to work with Anders, only she wanted to bed him as well. I guess she got cross when Anders turned her down." Hawke shrugged.

"I'm guessing she was trying to manipulate him. I should know, I am quite good at that myself." Isabella winked.

"Undoubtedly." Fenris replied drily.

"You know nothing! We have struggled to free mages from the Chantry and then along comes this noble, delicate little flower with no real understanding for what we suffer and tries to undermine us. Tries to seduce us with an illusion of peace and false promises. Giving us a taste of freedom without granting it to us fully." Maria argued heatedly.

"She is trying to help us, you daft cow!" Hawke growled.

"Hawke, is right. Though, I wonder why since you are so ungrateful. As if you deserved it in the first place." Fenris sneered.

"Enough! The revolutionist's will not give up! At least with the Viscountess away we might be able to force this conflict. Get them!" Maria called.

The mages began attacking and Hawke almost felt bad to them. Why was it that he was constantly attacked by those of his own kind? Paranoia had driven these mages just as mad as Meredith. Fenris charged into them, his lyrium tattoos pulsating, as Merrill began draining their life. Isabella threw a gas bomb into the fray, distracting the mages and allowing Hawke to cast chain lightning. Maria slit her wrist and her dead comrades rose from the ground at the undead. Fenris charged at one of the mages and punched his hand through her chest, crushing her heart. With repeated fire Varric took down most of the corpses and Isabella slit the throat on one of the remaining mages. Looking around Maria made a barrier of thick ice allowing her to escape into the sewers. Hawke cursed himself for not being better with elemental magic. Then he could just have used fire to melt that barrier. Anders really did know all the useful spells. A younger boy (the only other mage to survive) fell to his knees in front of Fenris begging for mercy.

"Why would you do this?" Fenris said in a low deadly voice.

"W-we thought that the Viscountess was stalling. That she is all words and no actions, just as the Grand Cleric. All we want is our freedom, but no one will grant it. The others said that Amell is corrupt and that she only married a mage to get political advantage. To appease us, without taking any action on our behalf." The boy explained clearly frightened.

"There really isn't a shortage of idiots in this city." Varric said shaking his head.

"And what of all that she has done this far? You thought she just did it for show?" Hawke asked almost with disgust.

"Only a handful, are still allowed outside the Gallows. There simply aren't enough positions in the city and we are still forced to go back to the Gallows at the end of the day. Not to mention how mages are treated in other circles. We are still slaves of the Chantry." The boy continued.

"Things can't change that quickly. It takes time." Merrill said softly.

"And what happens in the meantime? How many will die in the harrowing or be made tranquil?" The boy retaliated.

"Are there more plans to have the Viscountess killed?" Hawke asked.

"No, not that I am aware. Will you let me go?" The boy asked looking pleadingly up at Fenris, as his tattoos were still glowing.

"Run, but if I catch you again you won't be as lucky." Fenris replied in a deadly voice and the boy ran.

Hawke looked at Fenris for a moment. This was the first time he had ever seen him show mercy on his own. In fact he had only seen Fenris show mercy once and that was when they found his sister. The sister had sold him out to his former master, Danarius, and after he was killed, Fenris had every intention of killing his sister as well. Only because Hawke and Varric had intervened and cautioned him not to, had his sister escaped with her life. It had been revealed that Fenris' sister was a mage and contrary to Fenris' beliefs, his tattoos had been given to him willingly, not forced upon him. This had turned Fenris' world upside down and he had even agreed that he might want to leave his hatred behind him. Yet Hawke had never expected him to show mercy like this and least of all to a mage. As if reading his thoughts Fenris looked at Hawke with a small grin.

"It is not often I have the pleasure of seeing you at a loss for words, Hawke." Fenris grinned.

"Who are you and what did you do with our broody friend?" Hawke chuckled.

"I don't brood." Fenris grumbled in denial.

"Aww sweet thing, you always brood. That's what makes you so irresistible." Isabella purred to which Fenris just smirked.

"I don't understand. Why would they do this? Leila tried to help them." Merrill said with concern.

"They have no patience left. They were probably planning a coup." Hawke sighed.

"They will always have power. Always strive to become magisters." Fenris stated earning a scowl from Hawke. His friend had not completely changed then.

"Sunshine better get back here or the city will have another crisis on its hands." Varric replied.

"Yes, I will send a message tomorrow and we should probably warn Elthina as well. In the meantime see what you can figure out about these mages, Varric." Hawke instructed.

"Yes, oh Champion." Varric bowed dramatically and Hawke chuckled.

* * *

The Anderfels

Leila was sitting in the circle going through their records. This was an opportunity to see how a circle outside Kirkwall functioned and see what differences there could be made. It was different here since most of the Anders people were very devout Andrastians. A people of great diversity, resourceful and fearsome. Anders had many of these qualities, but his kindness made him seem less coarse than these people. And he was by no means devout. He believed in the Maker well enough, but questioned the Chantry. This was something that Leila would never have; faith. She had experienced her fair share of odd things these past four years, but religion was never something that appealed to her. This was one of the reasons that she had fallen for Anders and not Sebastian. Freedom was something she could relate to, unlike religion. She was perfectly aware that she might be wrong, but she would rather focus her energy on being the best person she could be, than praying to forces she knew nothing of. Something that seemed to be slipping through her fingers recently. Some of the things that she had done made her believe, that she was no longer as good and pure as she had strived so long to become. Perhaps she had sold more than she thought, when making her bargain with Death. Maybe she had never truly deserved to become a spirit of compassion. But now she had so many other responsibilities. She was a leader, a mother and a protector, which meant being in situations which was not always pleasing to her or easy. All of this would make her true colours show and she so dearly hoped power did not corrupt the way Fenris assumed. It was times like this, when running away and hide in a cabin in the mountains seemed wonderful. She felt a hand on her shoulder suddenly and almost jumped up from her chair, her heart beating painfully. She turned to see Anders grinning at her.

"Damn you." She cursed with a grin, catching her breath.

"I'm sorry, love." He smiled and bent down to kiss her.

"Sure you are." She grumbled sarcastically against her lips.  
They heard the door and turned to see Albert walking in with a letter in his hand and looking pale.

"What is it?" Anders asked with concern.

"Mother is dying. I suggest you go see her on your way back to Weisshaupt." Albert said sadly.

Leila stood up stroking Anders' back, knowing that this news would probably hit him hard. On the inside she was cursing. How could she tell him that she had been recalled to Kirkwall urgently now, when he needed her support?

"Then we should leave as soon as possible." Leila suggested.

"Yes. I have gotten the information I could here. I'll gather my notes and we can leave." Anders replied.

"Are you coming, Albert?" Leila then asked.

"Probably not. I don't have sufficient cause to be excused from the circle. Not even if I am a senior Enchanter." Albert replied regretfully.

"Why don't I walk to them? I might be able to persuade them to release you into warden custody for a time." Leila suggested with a smile.

"Why would they listen to you?" Albert asked with a slight frown.

"She can be very persuasive." Anders replied vaguely.

Albert did not know that Leila was the Viscountess. Leila knew she had a lot of enemies among the more devout templars and did not wish to antagonize them... or worse. She was already getting glances for the mere reason of being married to a warden mage. She did however reveal who she was to the Knight-commander, who reluctantly agreed to release Albert into Anders' custody, under the understanding that he would be helping Anders with a warden matter. Having the First Warden at your back proved to be useful. Seeing Anders with the wardens had made Leila realise something. As much as he tried to deny it, Anders was a warden at heart. The warden did whatever it took to prevent blights and fight the darkspawn. Anything is a powerful word and the wardens did live up to the full meaning of the word. Burning cities, blood magic, binding demons and various of other actions were taken to aid their cause. Ethics always came second in order to protect people from a greater evil. Anders had been willing to risk everything to free mages and undoubtedly still was. In war victory, in peace vigilance and in death sacrifice, the warden motto that could easily be used to describe Anders. This made her fear that when Anders' end came, it would be a violent one. It might be morbid, but Leila just hoped that his end would be a quick one and not too soon. Hopefully he would come back to her, once his dealings with the wardens were done. Though a part of her believed he might run off and try and help the mages in other countries. She knew the order of influence she would always come second to the cause of mages. Second to Justice.

She was waiting outside with the horses, when Albert came out first. She was surprised, to say the least, as she saw him. The mage was dressed in a dark brown leather armour with lots of padding. It was an outfit she would have expected a rogue to wear, never a mage. What surprised her most however, was the sword he was carrying instead of a staff. He chuckled a little, as she stared at the sword.

"Do I look so frightening? Do I look like a true barbarian?" He asked good natured.

"No, I'm sorry. I have never seen a mage wield a sword before." Leila replied a little apologetic.

"I am a battle mage. We are quite common here in the north. I imagine there are not many of us to the south. What is Alexa... I mean Anders? I never got the opportunity to ask." He explained.

"He is a spirit-healer, though from what I have seen he is mean with elemental magic as well." She said fondly.

"You have seen him in combat then?" He asked surprised.

"On a few occasions. My cousin and I seem to have a talent for getting into trouble. Anders has saved us on several occasions." She explained.

"I would never have thought you to be one to engage in combat." He said eyeing her up and down.

"I prefer not to and it is more luck than anything else that I have gotten out of it unscathed. I'm far better with words than my bow, I assure you." She smiled.

"You must be. I never thought anyone would be able to convince the Knight-commander to release me. Even if it is temporary. You must have won my brother's heart that way too, I imagine." He said almost teasingly.

"No. She actually drove me mad with her reasoning and dodging every argument I made." Anders smiled walking up behind them.

"Do you always eavesdrop?" Albert asked a little offended.

"It has proven useful from time to time." Anders shrugged before kissing Leila's cheek, who shook her head with a smile.

Albert just grunted. He was much more of a grouch than Anders was, but he was not nearly as bitter. Albert took one horse, while Anders and Leila took the other. Only bringing two horses from the fortress this was necessary. Not that Leila minded it. Sitting in front of Anders with his arms around her made her feel safe and loved, while he ever so often would kiss her temple. She loved him so much and she doubted that it would ever fade. Sometimes she wondered what it would have been like living with him in her world. No mages, no templars, no chantry and the memories of the Anders/Andrew created by the sloth demon in the fade appeared. Would they have been happier? Safer? She figured that Anders would be the type of person travelling around the world, most like into warzones in order to help people. He might not have been hunted, but he would have found ways to get into trouble. At least that was what she convinced herself. Imagining anything else would be too painful, considering everything they had gone through. And now he was leaving her for an unknown period of time, which was already a lingering pain, hidden in her heart. She sighed and leaned into him, tucking her head in under his chin.

"Love you." He murmured softly, undoubtedly knowing she was sad.

"I love you too." She whispered back with a smile.

It was late when they finally saw the village in the distance. The rain was pouring and even as they were wearing cloaks, Leila could feel the water slowly dampen her clothes. She looked around and though this was not quite the wasteland, as most of the Anderfels were, it was still a bit barren and she was surprised that any crops could grow there. She felt Anders tense, as the memory of being dragged off by templars undoubtedly filled his mind. She turned her face upward and kissed his jaw. She then looked at Albert wondering how he must be feeling. He seemed unaffected and had probably made peace with this a long time ago. His faith undoubtedly giving him the strength to do so. Perhaps if Anders had more faith he would not have suffered so. On the other hand he would never have the things he had now. Freedom, love, a purpose and a family, things that she knew he had always wanted. They arrived at a small farmstead that was very neglected and old. The fence around the pigpen was in dire need of repair, the chicken coop covered in moss and the straw roof on the house rotten. She noticed Anders looking in a direction, as he tensed and Leila saw the remains of a burned building. Had it been anywhere else it would have been long since overgrown by weeds, but hardly anything could grow there. In fact things and dead animals even had trouble decaying there. Leila didn't have to ask. She knew that this was the building Anders had burned down almost two decades ago and she wondered why no one had cleaned up after it by now. He hid his face in the crook of her neck, taking comfort from her, and she could feel the cold water run down his face and further down her neck and spine. She kept herself from shivering and turning away. He needed this. They got of the horses and Leila took the reins.

"You two go inside and I'll take care of the horses." Leila smiled sweetly.

"Thank you." Albert said politely.

The brothers took a few steps before Anders turned around and embraced her. She loved that he would take comfort in her. That after so much time of being alone, she could offer him some kind of peace and comfort. Anders have had many lovers over the years, but this was something that none of them had given him. This was something that belonged only to her.

"It will be fine, love. I'll be right there." She said softly against his ear, before kissing him there.

He pulled away with a soft smile and kissed her lips, before following his brother inside. Anders would finally be facing something that had haunted him his entire adult life and shaped the person he was. Leila just hoped it wouldn't be too traumatic, since in a few days she would be leaving.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_A 100 reviews! Thank you so much! Your comments means so much and your support and compliments keep me inspired. I have a question if someone would indulge me curiosity in a private message; chapter 31 has been read twice as many times as any other chapter and my question is why? I didn't think it such a remarkable chapter myself, but I would love to hear what I did right with it so I can aspire to that in the future._

_Again thank you:)  
_


	72. Chapter 72 Fury

**Fury**

_He didn't know for how long he had been crouching like that, but his legs were beginning to fill with acid and burning from his knees and up through his thighs. He could feel his heart beating painfully making it difficult to breathe evenly. He tried to hold his breath, terrified that someone would hear him, but that only seemed to make it worse. The more he tried to calm his breathing the more erratic it became. But he could not be discovered. He just couldn't. He heard footsteps coming towards him, tears already staining his eyes as he hid in the straw. He could hear grunts and hisses coming from the man. The one he feared the most._

_"Alexander! I know you are in here, you unworthy little brat! When I get my hands on you, you will be begging for Archon Harsarin's sword." He threatened._

_He shuddered at his father's voice. This seemed to be enough for his father to notice him. He felt his father grab his long, uneven and dirty hair dragging him up from his hiding place. Alexander screamed in agony, as strands of hair slowly being pulled from his skull. Tears fall unbidden from his eyes as his father pulled him in the direction of his undone chores._

_"You ungrateful little disgrace of a son! I told you to get this seeds ready and you have only done half! What are we supposed to live on, if you don't finish your chores? You are not worth the food I feed you!" His father growled._

_Still holding Alexander's hair he slapped him hard and Alexander could taste the blood. This was when he heard the voice of his mother._

_"You haven't given him enough time. Give him a little longer and he will be done." His mother reasoned._

_"Quiet woman!" His father bellowed and slapped his wife across her face._

_Alexander felt the rage boiling in him, as he saw his mother lying on the ground. The woman who was always kind and generous, one who would give even though she had so very little. She deserved so much better. With determination Alexander stood up. He could feel something simmering in his veins as anger penetrated everything. Hatred filled him, as well as the wish to protect his mother. He had never felt this strong or this powerful, as he stepped in between his parents and looked up at his father with a deadly glare._

_"Don't touch her!" He screamed, but this only infuriated his father further._

_He raised his hand readying to slap him across the face. Alexander could feel a simmering sensation at his fingertips._

_"I said; DON'T!" Alexander cried._

_Before he realised what had happened fire flew from his fingertips and the straw caught fire. His father glared at him with disgust and a fury more intense than the inferno beginning to start around them._

_"The Maker must be punishing me for a reason, but I will not have such a little maleficar destroy my life!" His father hissed and stormed off._

_Alexander and his mother managed to save the livestock, before the barn burned to the ground. The righteous father long gone, in the search of the templars. When the livestock was outside, Alexander turned to his mother, frightened and his eyes filled with tears._

_"I am so sorry mother. I didn't mean to." He sobbed as she pulled him close._

_"I know my darling boy. I know." She said softly._

* * *

Anders shuddered at the memory, somewhere in the back of his mind grateful that the bastard had died. His father had been desperate and pushed to the outer limits of his sanity from poverty and fear. Anders could see that now, but it didn't justify his treatment of his family. Anders gave a chuckle of disbelief. Leila's way of thinking had influenced him more than he realised. Before her, he would never have seen the reason behind his father's actions, but only seen the pain and hatred inflicted on him and his mother. As he and Albert walked into the house he felt cold. There were no fires lit in the house and everything was covered in dust. They heard coughing from one of the bedrooms and walked towards it. They opened the door and Anders was horrified that this room was just as cold. Only a candle was lit and the woman... his mother... was lying in the bed coughing violently. She was here all alone and there was no one to look after her. Anders' heart ached for her.

"Who goes there?" She asked in a strangled breath, as she was struggling for air.

"It's me mother, Albert." Albert said in a soft voice walking towards her.

"Oh, my darling boy. How... Why have you come here?" She asked, though confused obviously pleased to see him.

"The revered mother wrote to me that you were sick. The circle gave me leave and I decided to come and see you." He explained sitting down on the bed.  
Anders swallowed. His emotions were so much in turmoil he was not sure how to react. So he just stood there observing a woman he had not seen in more than seventeen years.

"Mother, I have someone I want you to meet. He is a healer and a Grey Warden." Albert said and gestured for Anders to come closer.

"This is Alexander, but go goes by the name of Anders." Albert explained.  
The woman looked at him with widened eyes, closely examining Anders.

"No, it can't be." She said with disbelief.

"Hello mother." Anders said softly taking her hand.

"It's not possible..." She breathed taking his hand in both of hers.

Anders felt his heart tighten painfully and tears forming in his eyes. He could not cry. Not when she was this weak. She had suffered so much and this illness cursing its way through her blood, was wearing on her even more. She had been strong for him, times beyond counting. Now he needed to be the same from her. In the back of his mind he felt Justice. The spirit was more uncertain than ever, but still he tried to comfort. It was odd feeling your pain and someone else's sympathy at the same time. It was confusing. She looked into his eyes and studied him, as if she was trying to remember something that has slipped her mind ages ago.

"Is this real?" She said with a sob and pulled him down into her embrace.

"It's real, mother." Anders replied, keeping his watery eyes from shedding tears.

Her pull was weak, but he followed her, not caring that she was sick. Fear struck his heart as he felt her. She was so cold and her skin moist from cold sweat. There had been no one to look after her and he wondered what had happened to the revered mother. Wasn't it their duty to help in cases like these, instead of sitting in some chantry praying? Albert moved away from the bed and Anders pulled away sitting on the bed instead. She tried to speak, but ended up coughing violently.

"Don't speak. I am going to try and heal you." Anders explained as his hands began glowing.

Diseases were always harder to heal than injuries. They had more in common with curses that needed to be exorcised and it took time curing them. Healing could not do this alone. It could repair damaged tissue from her violent coughing, but purging of the system took time. As he healed her his heart became weary. She was beyond healing magic. He could make her passing less painful, but he could not save her. Her body was too weak and tired by now. She would most likely fall asleep and die from exhaustion, even should he manage to remove the disease in time. Why could he never be blessed with something, without it being a curse at the same time? His mother's gaze went towards the door and Anders turned to see Leila in the doorway, already on her way to light the fire.

"Love, please come here." Anders said fondly.  
Leila smiled and walked over next to him.

"Mother, this is my wife, Leila." Anders said proudly.

His mother's eyes turned soft and her smile kind.

"I'm so happy for you." She said in a low strangled voice.

Leila kneeled beside the bed and took her hand, instantly realising how cold and damp she was. She looked at Anders and understood his silent reply. She turned to his mother again.

"I have been looking forward to meeting you. Anders speaks so fondly of you. We are going to light some fires and get your warmed up. I am going to make you something to eat." Leila said kindly.

"Maker smile on you, child." Came the low reply.

Leila got up and walked towards the kitchen, while Albert began lighting the fire.  
After healing what he could and giving her some polyjuices, Anders stood up.

"I'm going to get Leila to make you some tea. I'll be right back." He said reassuringly and his mother nodded.

Albert stopped him in the doorway.

"How is she?" He asked softly.

"She is dying and I'm afraid there isn't much I can do, but making the time more bearable." Anders replied in a whisper, not hiding his anger at himself for not being able to help her.

Albert nodded and patted Anders on the back. The only comfort and reassurance he could offer. Anders walked towards the kitchen and saw Leila crouching in front of the fireplace, trying to light it. She gave a low frustrated growl and despite his emotional state Anders couldn't help but chuckle. Leila turned to look at him, fury in her eyes, but it was directed at herself not him. She stood up and threw the flint and steel on the floor.

"Useless! I'm completely and utterly **useless!**" She hissed in a low voice, looking down into the floor crossing her arms.

Anders' eyes softened and his heart filled with pity for her. He walked over to the fireplace and lit it for her.

"There." He smiled softly and stood in front of her.

"You would think that after more than three years, I would at least be able to light a damned fire." She hissed.

"I don't remember how to use those tools either and it's probably just because you don't have much practice with them. You have had me around for that after all." He soothed stroking her arms.

She turned away from him and walked a few steps away.

"That's just it. I can't do anything right and I always need others to help and protect me. I am useless and I don't know how I'm supposed to protect Maia." She hissed with her back turned.

Anders closed his eyes understanding the words hidden between the lines. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her waist, before kissing the side of her neck.

"You'll be fine without me, love." He soothed.

_"No I won't!"_Her mind screamed.

"I'm... sorry... I shouldn't be placing this on you now. You have enough on your mind. I'll... better make some tea and broth for her." She sighed rubbing her face and walking away.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him, quickly capturing her lips in a soft kiss. He could feel her trembling, as his own heart pounded painfully at the reminder he was soon going to be without her. Together and apart they had been each other's comfort for years and had become dependent on one another. Something he knew Leila had always tried to avoid and was terrifying to her. They would have to balance on their own for a while, not knowing when they could lean on each other once again. When he pulled away she smiled sadly and stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, praying that it would never fade from memory.

"What herbs do you want me to use?" She asked, pulling him from the bliss only her touch could give him.

"Elfroot should do." He replied and had to chuckle as she cringed.

"Mind if I add some mint? It removes some of the hideous taste."

"This is why I miss you at the clinic... Maker, the clinic... Who is going to run it once I'm gone?" He asked suddenly horrified that his work would be left behind.

"I have already sent for a replacement. A mage named Wynne will be supervising until you return. She is a good friend of Elissa." She replied with a small smile.  
Anders took a deep breath and tried to smile. Unfortunately this did not fool Leila.

"What's wrong?"

"She used to be my mentor at the circle in Ferelden. She is very kind, but she tends to lecture. And she is more conservative in her views on the circle." He replied, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He was surprised when she kissed him briefly, but he just managed to return it, before she began making the tea and broth.

"Watch this and I'll go help your mother." She smiled and stroked his cheek before leaving the room.

Leila walked into the bedroom and asked Albert to leave momentarily. She then walked over to their mother, who smiled kindly at her.

"Can you tell me where you have a clean nightdress? We need to get you out of these damp clothes." Leila asked sweetly and the woman pointed towards a drawer.  
Leila walked over and got the dress. She then helped the mother out of her soaked clothes and into the dry ones.

"Thank you, dear. I can't tell you how much it warms my heart that Alexander has you. He was always such a good boy, it's nice to see he has found someone worthy of him." She said fondly.

"Thank you... What was he like as a boy?" Leila asked while removing the damp sheets.

"He was always so generous and he loved animals. He hated to see them get hurt." The woman smiled.

"I can just imagine." Leila replied and pulled a dry warm blanket over her.

"Do you have any children?" She asked.

"We have a daughter called Maia."

"Tell me about her." She requested.

Leila hesitated. Seamus was officially the father and revealing Anders as the true father could jeopardize everything. On the other hand this woman was dying and Albert was not present. The last thing she could do for this dying woman was give her a description of a grandchild she would never know. She wished she could have done the same for her own mother.

"Anders says she looks a lot like me, except for her eyes. They are his. She is still very little, but she is such a happy little girl. Anders loves her dearly. There is nothing he wouldn't do to keep her safe and happy. I have a drawing of her if you would like to see it." Leila suggested and the woman nodded.

Leila reached into her satchel and pulled out her book with drawings, made both by her and Anders.

"Anders drew this at her first birthday." Leila explained and handed it to her.

The drawing was of Maia sleeping in her crib. She had known Anders for more than two years before he told her he could draw. Justice had considered it a waste of time and Anders had only picked up again, after she had married Seamus. Now it was something they had in common and had spent a few afternoons bathing in the sunlight and drawing. She cherished these drawings, as the pictures on or phone was not accessible so often. Currently it was hidden in a locked chest and she rarely brought it out. Protecting it and her other belongings from her home world. Anders' mother studied the drawing with a smile on her face.

"She is beautiful... Go to that chest." She pointed to a chest at the end of the bed.  
Leila opened it and found a blanket embroided with flowers.

"For Maia?" Leila asked softly and the woman nodded.

That night they took turns watching over her, feeding her and making her feel as comfortable as possible. By morning the final strength in her seemed to be fading away. Leila stood in the background as the two sons sat on each side of the bed. Anders was trying to heal her almost desperately and Leila's heart ached at the sight. She knew the helplessness he was feeling and knew that he was blaming himself for not coming earlier. Believing that, if he had, he would have been able to save her.

"I'm so tired." She said in a raspy voice.

"I know. The Maker is waiting for you." Albert comforted.

"Your great grandfather was a mage. I am so sorry that curse was passed on to you. That I could not shield you from it." She almost whimpered.

"It is not a curse, mother." Anders tried to comfort, though Leila knew what he must feeling.

Anders fought so hard for people to view magic differently, yet even by his own mother, whom he loved, it was seen as a curse. A sign of the Makers disapproval.

"What good has magic done? It took you both from me." She said her voice teary and full of regret.

"Yes, but if not for magic I would never have met my wife or had my daughter." Anders explained looking briefly at Leila.

"I should not question the will of the Maker... I am happy for you and so proud of you both." Their mother smiled.

"Don't blame yourself. He is right. Magic can do a lot of good." Albert said softly.

"And you two have done a lot of good with it... But I am tired now... I want to sleep." She replied and her eyes closed.

Within half an hour she was gone. Anders kissed her brow and felt Leila standing behind him, ready to offer him every comfort he wanted or needed from her. He turned to face her and burrowed his face in her stomach as her fingers ran through his hair. Leila looked at Albert, who was clearly affected, but took it much better than Anders did. The strength that Albert took from his faith was different than the one Sebastian took. It was soothing rather than dominating. Anders pulled away and stood up. There were no tears in his eyes, but Leila could see his pain even so.

"We should give her a pyre before we leave. I will inform the Chantry." Albert said standing up and walking towards the door.

Anders and Leila went through the belongings. Everything happened so fast, but Leila needed to get back to Kirkwall. Leila found a lot of her needlework and knowing how fond Anders was of the pillow once made for him, Leila made sure that they could bring it all with them. Anders found some very old diaries. Since his mother could not read or write, it must have belonged to another relative. His great grandfather from the looks of it. He wondered how these had gone unnoticed by the templars, but his father's self-righteousness had undoubtedly made the templars suspect he wasn't hiding anything from them. _"Thank the Maker the old bastard couldn't read."_Anders hissed in his mind. His eyes widened a bit, when he saw that one of the books appeared to be an old grimoire. Upon touching the grimoire Anders' mind flashed and Justice's presence intensified, as cracks started forming on his skin. Memories, that was not his own, began to linger in his mind. Images and faces of people he did not recognize. It almost seemed as if the tome had a life of its own. As if a soul was trapped inside it. Justice cautioned that it might be a demon, but he was not certain. He would have to study it, when he got the chance. Everything that reminded him of his father however, was left behind. He wanted nothing to do with that life anymore.

After the funeral they made their way to Weisshaupt fortress. A part of Anders wanted this journey to take forever. The thought of Leila leaving his side, was giving him a piercing sensation throughout his body.


	73. Chapter 73 Distance

**Distance**

The red light of the morning sun was passing in through the window and was reflecting on her pure white skin. It made her glow so beautifully and almost made him a little envious that he could not make her do it himself. Carefully he put his hand forward lifting the hair covering Leila's face over her shoulder. He looked at his hand, glowing with blue cracks, which were cold and hostile. Everyone in Thedas knew not to touch something that looked that way. Something like him. It was not like her, who in the sunlight looked so warm and soft, just as her soul was. His host was still dormant, but it would not be long before he was forced back into his inert state. He stroked her cheek imprinting the feel of her skin into his memory. He had no memory of ever feeling anyone else's touch or warmth. There was only her. She stirred and he felt a sadness because he had woken her.

"Justice..." She said with a drowsy voice, not opening her eyes.

"How did you know it was me?" He asked in a low voice.

"Your touch tingles." She smiled, moving closer to him and cuddling up against him.  
He held her close and took in the scent of her hair, while kissing the top of her head.

"I will miss you." He said softly and his voice mournful.

"I'll miss you too." She replied nuzzling her nose into his chest.

Justice retreated as his host awoke.

Anders looked down and saw his love snuggled up against him. Gently he took her chin and turned her face to look at him. Her emeralds looked up at him, glistening from unshed tears that broke his heart. Desperately he captured her lips in a heated kiss, which had her moaning almost instantly. Still naked from the night before, his hands began roaming over her body. As she moaned again he lost control. He flipped her onto her back and let a hand slide in between her thighs. She gasped as he touched her and he plunged into her depths. She closed her eyes as he began moving.

"Look at me." He pleaded.

She complied and her eyes locked with his. Her hands moved to his face, holding onto him and making sure his gaze didn't remove from hers either. Her pupils dilated as her gasps intensified. Her eyes almost closed again, as a moan forced its way past her lips.

"No, please don't. Look at me. Please keep looking at me." He begged in an almost broken voice.

Her eyes opened again and looked at him. It was taking every bit of willpower she had to keep that focus. Her concentration combined with his knowledge of her body, forced pearls of sweat to form on her body. He wanted to kiss her, but he did not want to lose eye contact with her. The black pearls surrounded by emeralds were gateway to her soul and a part of his being. Her back arched and momentarily tore her eyes from his. Almost desperately he gently grabbed her head and digging his fingers into her hair, "forcing" her to look at him.

"Stay with me, love." He implored.

The look she gave him almost broke his resolve. It was like she was longing for him even as he was intertwined with her.

"I love you." He said with ragged breathing.

"I love you too." She panted, as her nails dug into his scalp.

He held her in place as her body began to shudder, her back arched and she cried out in pleasure, struggling not to look away from him. Feeling her body close in around him brought about his own end and he forced himself to look into her eyes, as he groaned his release. First then he captured her lips in a passionate kiss and he felt her arms around him. He felt her tremble, but not from pleasure. He rolled of her and pulled her into his arms.

"It's going to be alright, love." He soothed.

"I don't know if I can do this. If I can be what the city, Maia and the mages need. I don't know if I am strong enough." She confessed, still trembling, but without any tears.  
He took her chin gently and made her look at him.

"You are the strongest person I know." He said softly.

"I am only as strong as the people around me. I am nothing on my own." She replied with a trembled breath.

"Don't say that. Remember the first time you met Meredith? The entire city was afraid to contradict her, but you weren't. You kept her at arm's length while again and again she tried to intimidate you. But she couldn't touch you. She could not control you like she had done the city for thirty years." He said seriously.

"She was just one woman." She dismissed.

"No, she wasn't. She was an uncrowned ruler and dictator, not to mention a symbol of the templars power. In the same way you are so much more than a woman. You have done so many things that I believed to be impossible. You freed me. I couldn't even do that for myself. All of this came from you, not anyone else. You are a just and kind ruler and mother and the people of Kirkwall love you for it." He explained with the same seriousness, as he was begging she would believe him and find strength in his words.  
She cocked an eyebrow and a teasing smirk formed on her lips.

"Writing a manifesto on my behalf, are we?" She teased.

"Damn it woman! You are impossible!" He growled teasingly.

"I thought you just said that was a good thing." She chuckled.

He rolled on top of her, held her arms in place and straddled her.

"Be a good wife and listen to your husband." He growled playfully.

"Ha! Never!" She said with defiance.

In responds he cast a glyph of paralysis holding her in place, as he made cold emanate from his hands. He let his frozen hands roam over her and felt her shudder, as she was laughing in amused panic. He leaned forward and captured her lips.

"Say you love me." He demanded playfully.

"I will never submit!" She growled with mischief in her eyes.

"Oh, my love. I was hoping you would say that." He grinned.

He let the faintest amount of electricity run over his fingers. He let them slide down her sides in all the spots he knew was the most ticklish. She gave a panicked laugh as she tried to move.

_"What are you doing?! Release her at once!"_Justice demanded mortified and angrily in the back of his mind.

_"Not until she begs me to stop."_Anders chuckled in reply.

_"This is unjust. Torture. Release her mortal!"_Justice hissed.

_"Mortal? You haven't called me that in ages. I promise, I am not hurting her and she likes it."_Anders smiled, as he gently bit down into the flesh of her abdomen, while continuing to tickle her.

"Anders stop." She said as she was laughing.

"I don't think I heard that, love." He teased and placed a frozen hand on her stomach making her shudder.

"Please, please stop!" She cried with a tremble.

"I don't think I will. I like you this way." He teased and kissed her lips.

_"You fiend!"_Justice hissed.

And before Anders knew what was happening, Justice took over and released her immediately. She was breathing heavily and had a bright smile on her face. She opened her eyes and was a little surprised to see Justice, but smiled at him. He seemed disgusted and healing heat emanated from his hands, as they slide over her body calming all the tensed muscles. She looked at him with a mild and endearing expression, as she stroked his cheek.

"You are annoyed with Anders." She smiled knowingly.

"Why would he do such a thing? Causing you discomfort and make you submit to him. It was unjust." Justice said with annoyance.

Leila sat up and pulled him into a hug.

"Oh sweetheart. He was only teasing me to get my mind of my troubles. He was not harming me." She explained pulling back and looking into his eyes.

"He was causing you displeasure. He should not have done so." Justice insisted.

"It was... amused discomfort." She said with a soft smile.

"I'm afraid I do not understand." He replied with confusion.

He then saw a glimpse of mischief in her eyes that normally only Anders saw. He felt her fingers moving over his ribs and he squirmed involuntarily, giving a laugh and made his heart rate instantly spike. She chuckled and relented immediately not wishing to upset the spirit.

"Was it unpleasant?" She asked sweetly.

"Not... exactly, no." He admitted.

"What Anders did was no different, if a little more insistent." She replied stroking his cheek and giving him a small kiss.

"I... understand. I just do not wish to see you harmed." He explained a little bashfully.

"I know. Thank you for always wanting to protect me." She said honestly and gave him another kiss.

"I love you." The spirit whispered, before disappearing.

Anders returned and they looked at each other before laughing.

"Coward! Hiding behind your spirit, before I could get my revenge!" She accused slapping him gently on his shoulder.

Before she could begin her assault, he jumped of the bed and backed around the bedroom, laughing as she followed with a mock glare in her eyes.

"You are not getting me that easily, my lady." He chuckled.

She picked up speed and he found himself jumping over the bed. They heard Maia cry, who had undoubtedly woken from the noise they were making.

"Her father's daughter!" He chuckled a little proudly at his daughter's "rescue", before walking out the door and walking over to pick up Maia.

Leila put on her robe and stood in the doorway.

"I am disappointed Ser mage. First you hide behind Justice and now a child. Some Grey Warden you are." She smiled and walked over to him.

He pulled her into his arm and hugged her and Maia at the same time.

"I love you both so much." He said softly, as a little of his pain shined trough.

"We love you too." Leila replied resting her head against his chest.

* * *

She was packing the last of hers and Maia's things. Leaving would be difficult, but she reminded herself that she had done things that were more difficult. Like breaking up with Anders and marrying Seamus. She walked over to the table with the notes from the book Albert copied for them. She would try and research this, when she got the time. She picked up the papers and tied them with a string before putting them into her satchel. Ebony began grunting at Maia who was sitting on the floor with her. Distracted by this, Leila absentmindedly took a book on the table and put it into her satchel as well. She took the satchel and picked up Maia and walked out the door, with Ebony right behind her.

Anders was surprised that it didn't rain, as everything seemed dismal and hopeless to him. It pained him to see her things being loaded onto the carriage, but he knew this was the way it had to be for the moment. Coryphaeus and the Architect were too dangerous to be ignored and the wardens needed his help. He was doing this for his family. He gave an irritated chuckle. He wondered how many wardens had told themselves that and never returned to their families. He felt a hand on his shoulder and was surprised to see Carver standing there.

"Don't worry. I'll get them home safely. I will return with news from the Vimmark Mountains as soon as I can." Carver said almost with sympathy.

"Thank you, Carver." Anders replied.

He turned to look at Leila, who was saying goodbye to Nathaniel and Albert. He then felt something wet on his hand and a soft whine. He looked down and saw Ebony's brown sad eyes looking up at him. Anders crouched and stroked the hound.

"I'll miss you too old boy. Now you look after them until I come back, do you hear?" He said a little sternly.

The hound puffed up his chest and gave a happy bark in agreement.

"Good dog." He said fondly and stroked his head.

Leila walked over to him as he stood up. His heart was twisting in agony as if acid had been poured into it. He reached for Maia and took his little girl into his embrace. He kissed her brown hair and held her close to him.

"Father loves you so much, sweetheart. You are my little light and when I think of you, even the Deep Roads will seem less dark." He said with a smile to the little girl.

Not understanding the meaning of her father's words she merely cooed and touched his face with her little palms. He kissed one of them and captured the other one in his mouth, making the little girl giggle in delight.

"And be good to Ser Purrcival do you hear? No holding him by the tail or any such nonsense." He smiled raising an eyebrow.

"Papa." The little girl replied and rested her head on his shoulder.

Anders looked up into the air to prevent his tears from falling, as his little girl was breaking his heart. He lowered his head and kissed her hair again, while rocking her back and forth. He finally released her and handed her to Carver, who silently took her into the carriage. Anders turned to Leila and placed his hand in her hair pulling her close for a desperate kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck desperately as if she was trying to climb him and the hand he held on her back, pressed her closer to him. It seemed like a struggle to give each other as many kisses as possible before their separation. The thought of her leaving, sent and unpleasant surge through his system, which ventured from his heart all the way to his fingertips. He could feel his lungs burning from lack of oxygen, but he didn't pull away. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Every fibre of his being was pleading him to beg her to stay. But he could not do that to her. She had to go and he would not cause her anymore pain. She finally pulled away with tearstained eyes.

"I love you." He breathed against her lips.

"I love you too. And come back to me do you hear? Or else I will find away to travel into the fade and nag you until you return." She threatened with a smile, as a tear fell from her eye.

Despite himself, he chuckled and dried her tear before giving her a soft kiss.

"Be safe love. I can't bear the thought of losing you." He breathed and kissed her again.

Quickly she pulled out of his embrace, before she changed her mind. She walked towards the carriage with hurried steps and didn't look back. The carriage began moving.

"Look back at me." He breathed silently as he looked after the carriage.

He hoped for her to turn so he could see her eyes one final time.

"Look at me." He pleaded, as his eyes became watery and he could hardly see.

When he had almost given up hope, her head turned out the window and looked into his eyes just before leaving the gates.


	74. Chapter 74 Return

**Return**

On her way back to Kirkwall, Leila got a taste of how long the next many months would be. In all the time she had spent in Thedas Anders had always been there. He knew her like no one else did and with him she could talk without having to explain everything. Through their journey they had little trouble. Some highwaymen had tried to assault the carriage, but one look at Carver's Grey Warden armour and Ebony's growl made them change their minds. Leila dreaded going back, in fear of what she might find. She had not told Anders about the hostile actions from some in the mage underground, but she knew that she needed to prove herself to the mages once more. They were paranoid and desperate and who knew what they were capable of. She knew what Anders had intended and he was a good man. She had already made a new request to the divine of something she wanted to implement, hoping that she could accommodate the needs of everyone. What worried her was that the Chantry would not like it. The templars would not like it and that would cause an even greater rift. Chantry and the Circle would need to work together to resolve this conflict, but so far this was only the case in Kirkwall, where she was the constant mediator. Elthina was still Grand Cleric and still as useless as ever. Her apathy had only taken stronger hold, as she expected Leila to resolve the issues. Perhaps that was Leila's own fault, but she did not know what she could have done differently. She feared that the templars remaining in Kirkwall would rise up against her. She did not want to subject her people to more suffering. If only she could make them see. A memory flashed through her mind.

_Leila was in her office and had only been Viscount for a very short time. Meredith was currently visiting her making more objections to the suggestions and changes she wanted to make. After a lecture that seemed to have lasted for hours, Leila had enough._

_"What has made you hate them so?" Leila exclaimed looking at the Knight-commander._

_"I don't hate them. I pity them, but I would not expect you to understand." Meredith replied._

_"Then help me understand. Help me see why you think I am making a mistake and why you think I place too much trust in them." Leila requested almost softly._

_"As you wish... My sister was a mage. She was a kind gentle soul and completely unprepared for such a burden. My family hid her. We knew she could never last in the circle or pass their vigorous tests." Meredith explained with a sad expression._

_Leila smiled softly and kindly, plainly seeing that this was difficult for Meredith._

_"Amelia was terrified and utterly grateful for our efforts. We thought we were doing the right thing and then she was possessed by a demon. My sister killed our family and I only barely escaped. Before the templars brought her down she had slain seventy innocents. So I understand perfectly well why the mages struggle, as well as why the laws we uphold are so vital." Meredith said and the sorrow in her voice was again replaced by her fierceness._

_"I am so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you." Leila replied with heartfelt sympathy._

_"It gave me a reason to join the templars and a worthy cause. I will not allow my sister's death to be without purpose. It will serve as a reminder to where good intensions can lead. I have sympathy for mages. They suffer a terrible curse, but it is one that carries a price they must not deny." Meredith replied sternly._

_"Mages are dangerous. I have never denied that, but there is another option. Help me find a way that will remove the obstacles that made you not turn your sister over to the circle. Find a way to reform the circle so that mages will go there willingly for the training they need. Make sure that they have no reason to fear it and then another family will not have to suffer what yours did." Leila implored, looking at Meredith with true sympathy._

_"The rules we have, has served us well for centuries." Meredith replied coldly._

_"They have served you, yes. But had they served you well your sister would not have suffered that fate." Leila replied and only then realised the salt she had just rubbed into an open wound._

_"How dare you? You are blind and ignorant. Assuming you would see reason was a foolish thing to do!" Meredith hissed and walked out the door slamming it behind her._

_Leila took a deep breath and leaned against her desk. She placed a hand on her stomach for the first time fearing that her unborn daughter would be born a mage. Not afraid of her magic or for her own life, but afraid that demons would prey upon her._

Leila shuddered at the memory. She had tried so hard to convince Meredith to find a middle ground. Had she tried harder, Meredith might not have suffered her fate, but with the idol's magic in her blood that was doubtful. Leila still believed what she said that day was the truth. Untrained mages were dangerous, which was why the circle was needed, but it needed to work differently. They needed to make the mages feel welcomed there instead of making it a prison. For a thousand years the circle had almost remained unchanged. Only actions to tighten the grip further on the mages had been taken. To Leila's knowledge no research had been done to improve it from the mages point of view. Not until Justivia the V. Leila hoped she could prevent civil war, but this was not just about Kirkwall, but all of Thedas. People could not change unless they wished to and if there were many like Meredith that would be difficult. Meredith was never a bad person, but simply a damaged one. Just like Anders was a good man, but desperation made him consider horrific acts. They were human and that made them unpredictable and dangerous. Magic and demons was simply a manifestation of this. She rubbed her neck and found herself longing for, when demons and magic was only the stuff of fairytales. Something glorious and mysterious.

It was midday when they arrived back at Kirkwall and she had no sooner excited the carriage before various council members, nobles and seneschal Bran came towards her and bombarded her with information.

"A decision needs to be made about how much of the farmlands crops will is to be traded to Stark Haven or Ferelden. Ferelden has more immediate need for it as not all the land has yet recovered from the blight." One council member began.

"The recent improvements in the alianage have resulted in a long row of burglaries in the area. More patrols and guards needs to be deployed in the area." The elven council member noted.

"Knight-commander Cullen has requested a meeting at the earliest convenience." Bran stated while handed her a bunch of petitions.

Things like this kept being lain on her all the way up the stairs to the keep, where Aveline, Hawke and Merrill was waiting to greet her. Barely having the time to greet them , she handed Maia to Merrill before giving each of them a hug. Finally feeling that all the voices were overwhelming her, Leila raised a hand.

"Stop!" She said loudly and they all looked at a her with surprise.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. First she turned to Aveline.

"I have been informed that the crime rate is heightened in the Alienage. I would like a report on this and your suggestions to new patrol routes and other initiatives you find wise, Guard Captain." Leila began.

"I shall get on it immediately, your Excellency." Aveline replied instantly.

"Ferelden has first trading rights, as far as food resources go, but make sure that we have a fair supply of our own put aside should something unexpected happen. Ore and other trade goods may be exchanged equally between Stark Haven and Ferelden. I would also like to know how trade with Antiva and Rivain is going. I will need a report on that as well." Leila continued looking at one of her delegates, who nodded.

"You know my schedule better than I seneschal. The Knight-commander should have his meeting as soon as possible." She said turning towards Bran.

"As you wish, your Excellency. There is a representative from the circle in Ferelden waiting in your office." Bran informed her.

"Thank you. All of you may make an appointment through the seneschal and I shall meet with you as soon as possible." Leila said loudly and the people bowed their heads in acknowledgement.

"So that is how you are supposed to do that. Good to know." Hawke snickered, as he walked with her towards the office and Leila let out a tired breath.

"Has word arrived from the Divine?" Leila enquired.

"Yes, she has agreed to your proposal, but I suggest you implement it as soon as possible. It might calm the revolutionist's for a time." Hawke suggested.

"If they truly want a revolt there is little I can do to stop it, but I will try. How long has the Ferelden Enchanter been here?" She then asked walking closer to the office.

"A few days. I have entertained her as best I could." He replied.

"Thank you for doing all of this in my absence. Now go spent some time with your brother, I will hopefully have time to join you later." She smiled softly.

"Yes and don't worry about Maia. We will look after her." He smiled.

"Thank you." She sighed with relief.

"No need to thank me. I enjoy spending time with my niece. Now don't overdo it." He smiled and gave her a chaste kiss on her cheek.

Leila smiled softly and walked into her office. An elderly lady with a kind expression stood up to greet her.

"Senior Enchanter Wynne. It is a pleasure to meet you." Leila said in a friendly manner, hiding how tired she was.

"The pleasure is mine, your Excellency. Her majesty speaks so fondly of you." Wynne smiled and greeted her warmly.

"I am lucky to have her good opinion. I trust you have been offered something to drink?" Leila replied and gestured for her to sit back down.

"Yes, thank my dear." Wynne replied.

"I am so grateful that you agreed to come and help out. There are many qualified healers here, but I am afraid my husband's shoes are not easily filled. He takes so much upon himself, so now that he is absent people can't seem to overlook all his duties." Leila smiled softly.

"The art of delegation can be a difficult lesson to learn, but from what I heard from downstairs one you have seemed to master." Wynne replied kindly.

"That's kind of you to say, but I will not hold it against you should you change your mind." Leila chuckled.

"Well, thank you. The champion was kind enough to show me around the clinic. I must say it was a surprise to see how well it functions and how at ease people seem there. Magic is often met with the greatest suspicion." Wynne said clearly impressed.

"That is Anders' doing. He was well loved before I took that initiative. I believe you know him?" Leila replied.

"I was his mentor. He was a good lad, if a little impatient and reckless. Still it was a pleasant surprise to see all that he has accomplished. If not all of his actions were wise." Wynne replied looking at Leila with a concerned expression.

"Like marrying me." Leila replied knowingly.

"It is not my place to say of course, but it has brought about some disturbances." Wynne said a little regretfully.

"I know, but the disturbances were already present. What has been brewing between the circle and Chantry began long before my reign and I have little influence over both. I only act within the capacity her holiness allows, but the mages are as much my citizens as everyone else in this city. So they fall under my protection. Marrying a mage was not necessarily wise, but it was done and I do not regret it." Leila smiled softly.

"Being a mage and a warden are two very heavy burdens. There will always be greater things at risk." Wynne warned.

"I will never take first priority in my husband's life. I never expected or demanded it, just as he will not become before my obligations to this city. But I do love him and I am not ashamed of him or the marriage I made. And I will face the consequences of my actions."

"I hope so for your sake my child. I see why the Queen and King think highly of you. You are strong willed, but not without sense." Wynne praised.

"Thank you. Now let us go over the details of your stay." Leila suggested.

* * *

Leila found that there were no words for how tired she felt, when the day was finally over. She had never been one to have ambitions in politics, but how she was a centre piece in all of it. It was late and she had still not been to see Hawke and Merrill, but she knew Maia was in safe hands. She had to laugh a little. It was very few people who would willingly let two bloodmages watch over their child. She walked into her bedroom and collapsed on the bed. She reached for Anders' pillow and her heart almost broke at the realisation that the pillow casing had been changed. Gone was the scent of herbs and was replaced by soap. As if he had never even used that pillow. And that was it. The tears she had kept at bay for weeks finally caught up to her and began to flow effortlessly from her eyes as her breathing became ragged. Ebony whined and jumped into bed with her, before cuddling up against her. Through her tears and whimpering sounds she had not heard the door open and was a little startled, when the weight on the bed shifted.

"It's going to be alright, Lethallan. He will be back. You'll see." Merrill comforted stroking her cheek.

Leila sat up and wrapped her arms around her friend, as she sobbed. Merrill stayed with her that entire night, while Maia was in the care of her uncles, Carver and Garrett.

* * *

Anders had only been to Orzammar once and that was during his times with the wardens. Kal-Sharok reminded him of Orzammar, but the dwarves here was not as used to outsiders. They also had a fair amount of distaste for their fellow dwarves in Orzammar, because they had lost contact long ago. The dwarves in the Anderfels resented those in Ferelden for haven forgotten them. Finding what he needed about golems and the red lyrium here was a long shot, but travelling across Thedas to Ferelden was something he would like to avoid if possible. Carver had not yet returned from the Vimmark mountains, so at present Anders travelled with Albert and Nathaniel. They were both a great help, but Anders wanted this mission to be over quickly so he could return to Leila. He doubted that it would be the case though. Justice had been unusually quite lately, as if he was mourning almost. There was a time where the spirit pressed onward and knew nothing of rest and would have been happy that Anders was not distracted by Leila. But the years at her side had mellowed the spirit. His need for vengeance had lessoned as justice had been carried out.

They were sitting in the hall of memories. A library of sorts, where all actions were recorded into the stone by the shaper of memories (a dwarf appointed to watch over the library). Anders rubbed his face in frustration as he found absolutely nothing. He was distracted however, when Albert took a slurp of ale, made a face and spat it out again.

"Maker! What is in this stuff? Dirt?" Albert cringed his face in disgust.

Both Anders and Nathaniel chuckled.

"Yes, there is dirt in it." Anders replied and took a large gulp of his.

"How can you drink it?" Albert asked with disbelief.

"As a warden you drink things that are far worse. Trust me." Anders replied and shuttered as he was reminded the taste of darkspawn blood during the joining.

"We have a dwarf called Oghren in our ranks in Ferelden. He and Anders used to compete to see who could drink the most foul tasting beverages. Oghren always won." Nathaniel replied with a smile.

"Ugh... yeah I remember or actually I think I ended up not remembering." Anders replied, feeling confused.

Drunken Anders remembered nothing of these incidences, but a sober Justice remembered it quite clearly. This often happened with his memories of his times with the wardens. Having two people's memories was difficult. Returning to his work he finally found something of use. Since the dwarves lacked the gift of magic they used lyrium to provoke magical effect. Much like the templars took lyrium. He found an ancient reference to lyrium that could "capture your soul". Supposedly this was used in order to create golems. The soul of the dwarf would be captured inside the lyrium and this would then be used as the heart of the statue. According to Nathaniel's information the darkspawn had begun to mine the red lyrium, but what for? They had broodmothers enough to fill the deep roads with darkspawn and Golems had been made to fight them. This made no sense.

"I guess we will have to go into the deep roads then." Nathaniel replied after Anders' explanation.

"Yes, aren't we just lucky?" Anders replied sarcastically.

"The deep roads can't be that bad." Albert objected, clearly finding his brother's whining unnecessary.

"You have no idea." Anders said solemnly.

* * *

That evening Anders went through his satchel with the books he had brought with him. He had looked over and over for his great grandfather's grimoire, but he just couldn't find it. A chill ran down his spine remembering that maybe Leila had brought it with her by mistake. He knew there was something dangerous about that book and if it fell in to the wrong hands or worse if a demon was trapped inside... He had to grab on to the table for support and it took every inch of willpower not to storm out that door and return home. If his family was hurt he would never forgive himself. He grabbed his amulet and held it tight until his hand began to tingle from the lack of blood flow in his hand. He had to remain calm and nothing was for certain. He could have forgotten it at Weisshaupt. Justice was not handling it any better, but Anders knew he had no choice, but to remain where he was. He decided to write to Leila not to touch the book and hide it away until his return. The only problem was that he was to venture into the Deep Roads soon. There would be no telling when he would hear from her again. So for the next few weeks at least, he would have to walk around oblivious to the dangers that might befall his love and child. Sometimes even he resented magic.


	75. Chapter 75 Glimpse

**Glimpse**

Finally everything had been settled with the Divine and Knight-Captain Cullen, allowing Leila's newest initiative to come to pass. Her holiness had now officially appointed her mediator between the circle and Chantry. As if she didn't have enough duties already. But Leila could not decline this. It was too important to her and seen in the light that this conflict nearly destroyed her city, it was expected that she took an interest. "A neutral party" that was what they called her, but she hardly even believed that herself. There were only four people she loved, Anders, Garret, Merrill and Maia, and three (possibly all of them) were mages. She had never been a neutral party in all this and it was undoubtedly something that would be used against her. But then again, could anyone truly and wholeheartedly claim neutrality in this matter. Elthina tried of course, but now she was just a mere shadow in the political game. Leila wondered if that was why the Grand Cleric had supported her in becoming Vicountess. Had she hoped that Leila's presence would make her capable of stepping back? If that was the case it had certainly worked.  
Leila was in the Gallows for a meeting with the mages. She had decided to deliver the news of this herself. She needed to regain and maintain their confidence in her. It was alarming how quickly the love for you in the political domain would shift. She stood in front of the crowd in the great all and they all looked at her with anticipation. Leila felt herself seeming taller in situations like this. She seemed stronger and more confident and she had to be. It was only in private she could show how much she doubted herself. And then it was only in Anders' company that she felt comfortable doing that. She cleared her throat and the mages became quiet, before she began to speak.

"I know I have been absent for some time and that it had taken longer than suspected to implement the benefits given to you. I am also aware that many of you are still to experience this and for that I am sorry. But I ask you to have patience and faith and trust that I have not forgotten you. Neither has the Divine. I know I ask much of you, but I will not abuse the trust you have already given to me so generously.

I have recently made a new agreement with her holiness, Justivia the V and with Knight-commander Cullen. Every mage who have been harrowed for five years and have not committed any crimes, are allowed to live outside the circle and take whatever profession they might wish. There are some conditions however. The mage must report his or hers living address as well as their occupation to the circle.

Furthermore they are to report to the Circle once a month. You are also not allowed to leave Kirkwall without notice thereof to the circle. I remind you that if you do and do not have a signed document from both First-Enchanter Orsino and Knight-commander Cullen, you will be considered apostates." Leila said loudly.

"And what of your husband? Will he have to do the same?" A man shouted from the back, clearly aggregated.

"When my husband returns from his duties, yes he will have to submit to the same rules." Leila replied calmly.

This was not necessary since Anders was given permission from the Divine herself, but Leila would have him do it all the same in order to show goodwill towards the circle mages. There was no doubt in her mind that he would agree.

"What about families? Are we allowed to see them?" A girl asked.

"You are allowed to move back in with you families if you should so wish. As long as it is reported." Leila smiled.

"What about spouses and children?" Another asked.

"If you choose to pursue romantic relations, then we have no reason to interfere. Marriage and children however is still governed by the same rules. You will need dispensation for it." She replied regretfully.  
The crowd started muttering and no wonder. She herself was married to a mage. Leila raised her hand to make the group calm down, but little did it help.

"Please, listen to her Excellency. She has been our greatest supporter." Orsino reminded them and the group calmed.

Leila gave him a sweet smile as thanks.

"I know this is only limited freedoms and that you wish for more. Change takes time, but this is a step in right direction. I will do my best to find solutions to improve the circle further, but I need time. If you have any suggestions I will always welcome them and I promise to evaluate them seriously and with respect."

"What of us who wish to continue to work in the clinic? We want to live outside the circle, but we get no pay when working in the clinic." Another mage asked.

"Many of the nobility do not wish to visit the clinic and prefer treatment in the comforts of their own home. This is a luxury they will have to pay for however. The revenues for these house calls will be dispended between the mages who have own residence." Leila explained and the mage gave a satisfied nod.

When she stepped down from the stairs and down into the crowd one of the female mages went forward and hugged her. It was a young woman, who reminded her of the girl Ella, Anders had nearly killed three years ago. The first enchanter was about to correct the mage for her forwardness, as was several templars, but Leila shook her head and returned the hug.

"Thank you." The young woman whispered.

"I wish I could do more." Leila whispered back honestly.

"Maker bless you." The woman smiled as she pulled away.

And then she disappeared into the crowd before Leila found out what was behind her relief. Leila smiled at the thought that maybe it would allow her to be with a lover of hers. Or a mother or father she missed dearly. So many lives were affected by Leila's decisions and it gave her comfort that at least some of it was for the better. The mages, over all, seemed relieved somehow. Like there was hope after all. On her way out of the room she caught the eyes of Wynne, who looked at her almost with disapproval. Wynne were one of the few mages Leila had met who had gained her freedom "honestly". No escapes from the towers, lovers with great influence or plain and simple an apostate. She seemed to honour the circles rules very much. Leila did not think Wynne was a chantry loyalist, but very cautious and perhaps even a little afraid. This woman seemed powerful, strong and wise and was in many ways everything Leila aspired to be, so in a backwards sort of way, it was comforting that she could be uncertain as well. Wynne was staying at the keep as it was closer to the clinic than the Gallows and Leila enjoyed having her around. She chuckled a little to herself, thinking that Anders must have hated her. He would have called her advice preachy and been irritated for giving her advice without being asked. Wynne was quiet on the way back, which was highly unusual, but back at the keep Wynne followed Leila to her private quarters.

"You disapprove of what I am doing." Leila smiled kindly as Wynne closed the door behind them.

"I think you are being rash. Do you know what you are doing? What this could lead to?" Wynne asked with great concern, as her tone was slightly stern.

"If you mean the revolution they whisper about, then you cannot give me credit for that. It was brewing long before I began my initiatives." Leila replied and sat down in an armchair.

"This might have made things worse." Wynne said wrinkling her eyebrows.

"Things have been deteriorating for a long time. For centuries mages have been ignored, because the argument 'we have always done it this way' have been used constantly. And forgive me, but that is the most senseless argument in the world. We are supposed to learn from the past not repeat it. The circle is there for a reason, but it needs to evolve and change. The problem is for that to happen, the templars and chantry will have to change with it. You cannot beat a dog and then allow yourself to be surprised when it bites you." Leila explained calmly.

Wynne looked at her for a moment, before she began chuckling. Despite herself Leila smiled.

"Well at least I made someone smile today." Leila shook her head.

"You and Anders must come to blows sometimes." Wynne said almost lovingly.

"Why do you say that?" Leila wondered.

"Anders is very passionate or he was when I knew him. You might agree on the circle mostly, but that cool head of yours must be infuriating for him, when you are in disagreement." Wynne chuckled.

"I suppose..." Leila replied with a mournful smile. What she wouldn't give for him just to be around to argue with.

"As for the circle, you are right it must change. But change cannot be forced. You have good intensions, but sometimes you have to have faith that things will develop naturally." Wynne said seriously.

"There is truth in that, but so far what I have seen that occurred naturally was bloodmagic, demons and templars possessed by pride or cursed artefacts. What if I don't force a change through peaceful means, someone else will do it through a violent one?" Leila said regretfully, as the memory of Anders' intentions pained her heart.

"The Chantry will never seize their hold on the circle." Wynne warned with a sigh and walked towards the door, with the assumption that this conversation was going nowhere.

"I wonder how many told Andraste that slaves would never be free." Leila mused in a low voice and looked into the fire.

Wynne turned for a moment and looked at the young woman looking into the fire.

"I would rather not see you meet the same end, my dear." Wynne said a little sadly and left the room.

Leila closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, as she pictured Anders in her mind. She imagined his voice comforting her. She knew the person she would have to be from now on; someone strong and able to push aside her emotions. The person she had been before Anders had ignited the passion within her. For Maia's sake that was who she would have to be.

* * *

Anders looked down into the molten lave beneath him. He hated the deep roads. Always had and always would. It always felt as if the walls were closing in on him and there was nowhere to escape. They were searching for Maker knew what and had no idea where to find it. They only knew that the darkspawn activity in Nevarra was disconcerting. They were supposedly mining a lot in this part of the Deep Roads, which had caused a disturbing number of cave ins. Anders had never heard of darkspawn mining before. It was assumed that their armour and weapons came from whatever the dwarves had left behind in the Deep Roads, but given the centuries they had been around and how many had been slain, perhaps they shouldn't be surprised.

Yet the darkspawn they had met so far seemed organized, as when an Arch Demon led them. It wasn't the Architect as these darkspawn didn't seem sentient. That left Coryphaeus and Anders' blood ran cold. They had defeated him once, but what was to prevent him from possessing one of them? An Arch Demon could only be slain by a grey warden, because it also possessed the ability to shift into another body. Its soul would jump into another darkspawn and the blight would continue. Unless the one who killed it was a Grey Warden. This would result in the death of both the warden and Arch Demon. Perhaps that was why Coryphaeus had been able to switch, because Hawke was not a Grey warden. For a moment Anders regretted not having killed the magister himself, but then he would not have Leila and Maia. The chilling thought that he might have to kill Coryphaeus entered his mind. He could die down here and never hold his little girl in his arms or kiss his wife again.  
He found that suddenly he was panting and couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. He felt dizzy and his legs gave out under him. He felt a strong arm grab his and kept him from falling over.

"What is the matter with him?" He heard Albert ask.

"Anxiety. It happens sometimes, when you are down here long enough. Even for the most seasoned warden." Nathaniel replied and walked towards Anders.

Anders' vision blurred and his arm was lifted around another man's shoulder.

"There I got you little brother. Deep breaths." Albert said calmly and helped him over to sit down.

"I have been in the Deep Roads with him twice. I have never seen him panic." Carver said, almost with concern.

"We can try locking you up in solitary confinement for a year with dark spawn as your guards. Then you might react like this from time to time as well." Nathaniel replied and handed Anders a water skin.

Anders drank the water and rubbed his face. Unconsciously his hand had found its way to his amulet.

"Anders, what happened?" Nathaniel asked.

"Maia..." He breathed as a response, while he was shaking.

"You'll see her again." Albert tried to comfort.

The three wardens looked at each other, knowing full well that was a promise you could not make down there. Anders looked at Carver for a moment.

"If I don't make it back and you do..." Anders began.

"Then I will make sure to tell them and have Garrett promise to look out for them." Carver replied seriously.

Anders took a deep breath, as his light-headedness faded. He felt Albert's hand on his shoulder.

"If anything happens, then I promise I will find a way to look after them should they need it. Mind you, that wife of yours seems quite capable on her own." Albert replied the last part with a small grin.

Anders gave a crocked smile and stood up.

"Let's get going." Anders said and walked ahead.

* * *

It had been four months since Leila had seen Anders and she had not even heard from him. Not even a letter or a note. She found it strange and it pained her, leaving her thoughts to travel in the most horrifying directions at night. She reminded herself that sending a letter took time, but with each passing day that became less likely. It didn't help when the letters she had sent to Wiesshaupt fortress came back to her, saying that he had left for Kal-Sharok and the Deep Roads. Much more of this and she would go to Hawke and Merrill and make them enter the fade to find him. But with their track records concerning dealing or tricking demons, that was hardly wise. Therefore it was an overwhelming joy, when a letter from him finally arrived. Receiving it in her office, she told seneschal Bran that she was indisposed for the rest of the day and quickly ran back to her private quarter, dismissing the maid looking after Maia. She walked over and lifted Maia out of the playpen.

"We got a letter from father." She whispered with a smile and kissed Maia's head.

She then placed her little girl on the floor in her private study, where she played with Ebony and Purrcival. For such a young child, she was surprisingly caring and good with animals and it warmed Leila's heart. The animals also seemed very much at ease around her. Leila sat down and opened the letter and saw it was sent from Kal-sharok over three months ago. Apparently the dwarves didn't put much importance in sending mail to the surface.

"Bastards!" Leila muttered.

_"Dear love,_

_I left for Kal-Sharok shortly after you left Weisshaupt and I am there now. It is an impressive city, but with it being underground I feel trapped. I imagine I am as nervous about the roof falling down on top of my head, as a dwarf is about falling up into the sky. I guess I should count myself lucky for the moment, as in a few days I will be travelling into the Deep Roads, for Maker knows how long. I don't know when I will be able to write to you again, so do not despair if you don't hear from me. I miss you and Maia terribly and find myself constantly lost in thoughts of you._  
_I have been going through my books and I find that one of them is missing. If you have..._"

Leila was pulled from the letter, as Maia pulled down both paper and books from her desk. Since she had begun to walk, while clinging to objects, she had been almost incontrollable. "Her father's daughter indeed." Leila grumbled fondly to herself. Suddenly a red light emanated from one of the books like a whirlpool around Maia. Instinctively Leila reached out for Maia and pulled her out of it and backed away. And then the magic stopped. Leila's heart was racing and her breathing heavily. She looked at Maia to see if she was hurt, but found nothing. Leila had only seen bloodmagic once and that was in the Deep Roads with Garrett, but there was no doubt in her mind that that had been bloodmagic. Terrified she grabbed her cloak and ran out the door leaving the book and letter behind.

* * *

Hawke stood in the doorway looking at Merrill tending to the plants in the courtyard. Since the death of the keeper Merrill had used less time on her mirror. Leila and Anders had tried to convince Merrill of getting rid of it completely, knowing what it could do, but Merrill was still determined that it should be protected. Hawke always admired her dedication, but he still worried about her. He would always worry about her. He lost both Bethany and Leandra and Carver would die an early death as a warden, so protecting her was second nature to him. Just as protecting Leila and Maia was. Void he even wanted to protect Anders, but he was in the Deep Roads somewhere along side Carver. Merrill began to hum a Dalish tune. He loved watching her when she was unaware. Watching her talk to Ziggy, Messere Puffels or even the plants brought a smile to his face. He loved her so much and her devotion to him was heart warming. Suddenly something devious entered his mind. He picked one of the small flowers with a long stem and quietly walked up behind her, as she was sitting on her knees arranging one of the flowerpots. Still not noticing him, he was biting his lip hard trying not to laugh. He let the flower tickle her ear. First she just absentmindedly waved her hand, but when he had done it three times her hand finally caught the flower. She looked up at him with surprise.

"Oh, Hawke!" She smiled brightly up at him, as those green big eyes were glistening.

"Hello beloved." He smiled and kept teasing her with the flower.

"Stop it!" She giggled.

"Make me!" He dared her.

In one quick movement she was on her feet and her arms around his neck, as she kissed him deeply. He held her small frame and sighed happily. Only she had the ability to give him complete serenity. Her kiss deepened for a moment, before she began kissing him along his jaw and down his neck.

"I do like were this is going." He murmured with a smirk, as his hands travelled down her back to cup her buttocks gently.

He could feel her giggling against the skin of his neck and it sent a shiver down his spine. He would never get tired of that feeling. The heard a loud almost frantic knock on the front door and considering they were in the courtyard, whoever it was must have been desperate. Letting go of each other they hurried inside and saw that Bodahn had already opened the door. In the door came Leila with Maia in her arms and looked fearful. In fact she looked more terrified than Hawke had ever seen her.

"Maker, what has happened?" Hawke exclaimed walking towards her.

"Are you alright, Lethallan?" Merrill asked with great concern.

"C-can we go somewhere private and talk?" Leila asked breathing heavily.

Hawke rested his hand on her back and led her into the study. Both he and Merrill observed her as she was trembling.

"There was a book in my study, it was enchanted with bloodmagic and I think it did something to Maia." Leila explained and handed Maia to Merrill, who sat down and began examining her.


	76. Chapter 76 Lineage

**Lineage**

For two hours Leila waited while Merrill and Hawke conducted any test they could think of to see if Maia was harmed. Luckily they found nothing, but that did not ease Leila's mind. She doubted that anyone but Anders could have told her their daughter was fine and she would actually calm completely. She did however know that both Merrill and Hawke were very gifted, and right then she had to trust them. Hawke handed Maia to Leila with a soft smile.

"She is fine, Lethallan." Merrill soothed.

"Thank you for doing this." Leila replied and held her daughter close.

"Don't mention it. What happened? What did this book do exactly?" Hawke asked.

"I'm not sure. The book fell on to the floor, Maia touched it and this red glow surrounded her. I picked her up quickly and came straight to you." Leila explained.

"Hmm... I would like to take a look at this book, but Maia should stay here. Do you mind watching her, my love?" Hawke asked Merrill.

"Of course not. Come to Aunt Merrill, little sweetheart." Merrill cooed and reached for Maia.

"Thank you, Merrill. Let's get this over with. I have had enough surprises for one day." Leila said with a heavy sigh.

Leila was not fond of the idea of leaving Maia alone after what had happened, but there was no way she was letting her near that book again. Hawke and Leila walked back to the keep and on the way there Leila feared if the animals had gotten hurt. She had been so focused on Maia, she had completely forgotten about them. Ebony would probably be fine, but Purrcival was another matter. Momentarily the thought that a demon might have risen from the book and attacked people in the keep worried her. She took hasted steps and breathed with relieve, when everything seemed to be normal at the keep. They went to her private quarters and were greeted by Ebony who looked as happy as always, while Purrcival had curled up in a chair asleep. Whatever had happened, the animals didn't seem affected by it. They walked into the study. Except for the papers and books Maia had pulled onto the floor everything looked as it should. Hawke walked over to the pile.

"Which one was it?" He asked bending down.

"The black leather one." Leila pointed to one of the books.  
Hesitantly Hawke let his hand slide over it without touching it. He seemed thoughtful for a moment.

"Well, it is magic, but it doesn't seem very powerful." Hawke mused and picked it up.  
Nothing happened and Leila let out a breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. Hawke opened the book and looked through it.

"It is and old grimoire. Where did you get this?" Hawke asked turning the pages.

"It might be one of Anders'. He sent a letter, but I didn't get a chance to read it completely. Just a moment." She replied and went to the desk.  
Leila picked up the letter and began to read out loud.

_"I have been going through my books and I find that one of them is missing. If you have taken a black book by mistake, you must find somewhere to hide it until I get back. It is my great grandfather's grimoire, but there is something strange about it. Please be careful with it."_

She didn't read the rest out loud as its content was about how much he missed and loved her. She would rather have that remained private. Hawke looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Normally I would agree with Anders, but in light what happened with Maia, I think I have to look through it just to be safe. May I borrow your desk? Then you can try and rest a little, you look tired." He said with concern.

Leila smiled softly with a nod and walked into the bedroom. She rested on the bed, but did not sleep. She just couldn't. About an hour passed, when she heard Hawke come in the room.

"I found it, but don't worry it's nothing bad." Hawke said with a small smile.

"It's blood magic! How can it not be bad?" Leila exclaimed, but regretted it instantly. Hawke was a blood mage and had never harmed anyone who didn't truly deserve it.

"Garrett, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." She began, but he held up a hand.

"It's alright. I'm used to it by now and you did have a terrible shock today. I know normally you wouldn't preach about it." He smiled and sat down on the bed.

"Thank you... What did you find out?" She then asked.

"Well, for one it isn't blood magic. The spell on it used blood as a component, but didn't actually power the spell. It's one of those grey areas, which the Chantry is so fond of. Like when they create phylacteries." Hawke explained his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What does that mean exactly? What did this spell do?" She asked, trying to be patient.

"Well, Anders' great grandfather was an apostate, but unlike Anders he saw his powers as a curse. He wanted to make sure he had not passed it on to his children. To find out if he had, he came up with an enchantment that could reveal magic in children, before they had come into their powers. So he enchanted his grimoire to react if it came in touch with a mage-blooded child. Specifically one from his lineage, hence the blood."  
"Meaning Maia, is a mage." Leila said quietly.

"Not yet. It will still be years before she comes into her powers. I have never seen or heard of anything like this. I guess this explains who Anders got his brains from." Hawke said with a smile, but Leila barely heard.

She was deep in thought and Hawke didn't disturb her. It didn't seem right somehow. Leila then finally looked at him.

"No one can know about this enchantment or replicate it." She said seriously.  
"Why not? I would like to use once I get my children." Hawke replied, not following Leila's objection.

"What do you think will happen if the Chantry gets hold on it? Will the test every child that is born and then take it from their parents long before they have even come into their powers? Some might even kill the children, thinking it the best choice." Leila replied seriously with sorrow in her voice.

Momentary horror crossed Hawke's face. She was right of course, like she always were in cases like these. Hawke had no doubt that there were some within the Chantry who would misuse it that way.

"You are right... What do we do with it?" He asked.

"I will lock it away like Anders asked. It belongs to him and I will not burn it without his permission." She replied and picked up the book.

Hawke followed Leila into the study, where she opened a hidden vault. She opened the chest and emptied it from its content, before placing the book inside it and locking it.

"Will you seal it magically?" She asked and Hawke nodded.

Magic surrounded his hand and glided through the air around the chest, creating a magical barrier. Hawke looked at Leila with concern. She seemed so strong and so sad at the same time. Regretful, but undefeated. He placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her to give her a hug. When he pulled away he looked down at her.

"Why don't you read your letter and then eat dinner with Merrill and I? You look like you could use some company." He smiled fondly.

Leila nodded and took her letter, before following him back to his estate.

* * *

That night Leila took an extra long time putting Maia to bed. She loved Maia's eyes, they had all the kindness and intelligence her father's possessed. There was so little she had inherited from him, beside her eyes, a birthmark and... her magic. Leila's blood ran cold as she felt absolutely lost. When her daughter had fallen asleep Leila walked out on the balcony and looked towards the stars, looking for answers she could find nowhere. Leila was helping the Divine change the circle, but it would still be a long while before mages where allowed to keep their families. All because no one had figured out a way yet. The mages were still bound to the circle and children would still be taken from their parents. And now one day they would come for her daughter as well. Anders had sworn he would never let that happen and Leila feared what he would do in order to keep his daughter safe. And what if he didn't come back? They both knew it could take many years before he returned to them, with the wardens nothing was certain. What would she do then? She could hide her daughter's magic, but who would teach her? Hawke and Merrill were the only mages she knew well and they both practised blood-magic. No matter their intensions, she would never expose Maia to that and make her believe that it was acceptable. Then she could hire another apostate to teach her in secret, but the chances of that ending badly were just as many. In addition to this, she was advocating for the mages and telling them to be patient. How could she tell them that and then herself not respect those rules? How could she break all the rules that she asked others to have to follow? She would be a hypocrite and she was supposed to lead by example, not by half-hearted platitudes. She wanted to turn the circle into a school and organisation that helped mages, not held them captive, but that might not happen soon enough, if she was to keep Maia. In order to keep her credibility she would have to turn Maia over to the circle. Even worse, if Anders died or never came back, she would have to turn Maia over to the templars, because no one else was fit to teach her. _"Being in the circle had to be better than the constant fear of losing your daughter to a demon... right?"_She felt sick to her stomach. Anders would never forgive her if she did. Hell, she would never forgive herself. How could she, after all that Anders had told her about the circle? All that she had seen with her own eyes? The thought of happy and carefree little Maia being tranquil or raped by a templar made Leila want to cry out in anger. For a fraction of a second she found herself wishing Anders had blown up the chantry. Forced the circles to rebel. Then the templars would be too preoccupied with a war, to pay attention to her hiding with her daughter somewhere. Leila felt disgusted with herself for thinking such thoughts. This wasn't right! Parents shouldn't be terrified of their children being taken from them like that. She longed for Anders that moment, but quickly suppressed it. Pining for him would not make the situation easier or resolve it. Anger mixed with determination flooded her veins. She grabbed hold on to the railing, trying to suppress her anger and frustration.

"No!" She growled.

She would not allow this. She would have to find a way to make sure children could live outside the circle. She would have to find a way to make this work. She just had to or anything else would be meaningless.

* * *

**The Deep Roads**

Anders leaned against the wall of the stone alcove. The thaigs of the old dwarves were filled like places like this. Forgotten ruins that had long since been overrun by darkspawn. They had been down here for ages, but would soon have to return to the surface for supplies. Anders' claustrophobia was getting the better of him. In addition he was worried about what had happened to the old grimoire. If Leila had found it, he knew she would be responsible with it, but sometimes magical artefacts seemed to have a life on their own. He closed his eyes as his hand went to his amulet. Hopefully his mind would drift to a pleasant place, where he had once been happy.

_"Tell me about the circle."_

_Such a vague and unspecific request and still it made his throat tighten. It was not something he remembered fondly and she knew it. But she was not from this world and Hawke had never been part of the circle, from who was she supposed to get answers if not from him? He turned to look at her, sitting at the table at his clinic like so often before. Drawing and reading mostly, when there were not enough patients to occupy them both. She could go home. Back to Hightown where she belonged, but she preferred to be there. To be in his company. They took solace in each other's company, all of them had lost more than anyone could imagine. Leila torn from her world, Anders removed from his homeland by the templars and Justice exiled from the fade by a demon. They shared an understanding of pain and isolation that few others were aware of. And did not turn from each other, even at the most outrages statements. They knew each other's darkest secrets, except for the fact that he was hopelessly in love with her. And by the Maker did he love her. Even as he knew he could not have her, his heart was convinced that she belonged to him. The worst part was that the look in those green soft eyes confirmed what his heart knew and his mind refused to acknowledge. The spirit's greatest fear and the host's deepest desire._

_"What do you wish to know?" He asked, leaning against his desk._

_"What was it like with the other mages? Were you never trying to make things better? Making life seem less... dismal?" She asked softly, careful not to offend._

_Careful... a trait they did not have in common. A trait he admired and resented simultaneously, mostly because it drove him absolutely mad, when it led to careful language and vague compromises. He had never known anyone who he wanted to kiss senseless and shake into reason at the same time. He sighed to himself. She was reason and he hated to admit it._

_"Are you sure you want to hear it? It is not really proper for a little girl to hear." He smirked teasingly._

_"I am not as innocent as you believe. And you should not underestimate little girls. We can even make the greatest men follow our whims." She smiled teasingly._

_"That so?" He grinned._

_"Yup. There is a reason desire demons look like us, you know." She replied, her eyes for the briefest moment containing a hint of desire, as she winked._

_"She is tempting you... you cannot give into this." Justice warned in the back of his mind._

_Justice was right. Anders was sure that were he to meet a desire demon, it would transform into Leila. Yet, he was certain that the softness in her smile and sparkle in her eyes would be impossible to duplicate._

_"You don't have to, if it makes you uncomfortable. I was just curious." She said a little apologetic and he couldn't help but smile._

_"Alright... Growing up in the circle everything is about order and rules and the templars. The apprentices, we found ways to make that bearable. Karl and I... he was the first... we could forget that out in the world we were nothing but templar slaves. We hadn't been together for a long time, but still killing him... it hurt." Anders explained._

_"I'm sorry... so you and Karl?" She replied, but something about the look in her eyes confirmed she had already heard some of it... from Hawke most likely._

_He swallowed. What would she think of him? But it was too late to retreat now._

_"I always believed that people fall in love with a whole person, not just the body. Why would you shy away from loving someone just because they are like you?" He explained._

_He looked at her, observing her closely, not knowing how she would react. But a gentle smile formed on her lips and her eyes kind and warm. For a moment he even believed some admiration to be hidden in them, but he was probably just fooling himself._

_"Does it bother you that I've... been with men?" He asked a little shyly, as a careful smile formed on his lips._

_She smiled brightly, as she suppressed a chuckle. It was not a chuckle of ridicule, offense or mortification. It was one that without words called him silly and sweet at once. In her eyes was something almost overbearing. He felt his pulse speed up as his heartbeat was pounding through his chest, making steady breathing impossible. Suddenly something else brewed in her eyes, something devious and mischievous at once._

_"Actually it does." She replied._

_He felt anger brewing inside him and disappointment almost crushing his heart. But he found himself incapacitated as she smiled at him. She stood up walking towards him, with a suggestive flare in her eyes. How she managed to possess and preserve that temptress, beneath her cool mind and firm logic, was beyond him. So many seductions and yet with her he was helpless. She stood right in front of him, looking at him teasingly. He crossed his arms in offense, but the smile on her lips remained. It was a look like she was guarding a secret he knew nothing of. She looked into his eyes, mischief burning in her eyes and a seductive smile on her lips. She placed her hand on his arms for balance as she stood up on her toes and whispered._

_"It means that there is more competition." He heard her soft voice whisper, as her breath ghosted his lips._

_Keeping his breathing steady now was impossible, as the words "You have no competitors, I am only yours." were forcing their way past his lips. Only Justice's will held them at bay, while Anders' will forced his body to remain still, instead pulling her close. She laughed heartily, as if it had been nothing more than a game to her. He couldn't always tell if she really didn't care or if it was a defence that kept her safe from confessions that seemed to terrify her. She walked away from him still chuckling and picked up her things._

_"See you tomorrow, Anders." She smiled and walked towards the door._

_At the door however she stopped and turned around. Her expression was more serious then and was filled with honesty and compassion._

_"What you said about loving someone for who they are and not for what they are... you are right, it shouldn't make a difference. And neither should being an apostate." She said seriously._

_Before he could answer she disappeared. She might as well have shot him, as he stood there. His heart was bleeding for a love he knew could never be._

Anders felt himself smiling. The memory had not been happy at the time, but now, knowing what it had led to, it was amusing to him. She had been as far gone as he was. He wondered how two people, who were so obvious about their affections for each other managed not to give into their feelings sooner.

"What in the void are you grinning at?"

He heard Carver grumble, tearing him from his memories. They had known each other for six years and he doubted that they would ever get along. Reluctantly he had to agree with Hawke though. The years had mellowed the templar trained warden. Working with him had been a challenge, but they had managed well enough. They kept their bickering to sarcastic teasing, to remove the stingers hidden in their somewhat heated exchange of words.

"I thought you were tired of my brooding." Anders smirked.

"Give it a rest, Carver." Nathaniel replied poking the fire.

"It's just weird. For years I have heard him complain about how much he hates the Deep Roads and now he is smiling like a fool. It's creeping me out." Carver stated.

"Well, it's either that or hearing him dread for the roof to fall down over our heads. I prefer this." Nathaniel said calmly.

"Are all wardens this delightfully chipper?" Albert remarked sarcastically.

"Ha, you should meet King Alistair and Queen Elissa. The only two wardens in Ferelden during the blight and they are positively the most ridiculous people I have ever met." Anders smiled and shook his head.

"And they are ruling your nation? Comforting?" Albert scoffed.

"They are not stupid by any means. They just deflect everything with humour." Nathaniel explained.

"Well I guess they bloody had too, facing all that on their own. It is only right that they are on the throne. They know what is happening out in the world and take action. Instead deserting the king's army in fear of enemies that weren't there." Carver replied, but did not notice the twitch in Nathaniel's jaw.

"Perhaps it would be better if we remained quiet. I have no desire for the darkspawn to hear us." Nathaniel requested and the others silently agreed.

Anders continued the letter he had been writing to Leila before his mind began to drift. His satchel was filled with letters that probably all said the same thing. Declarations of love and explained in explicit detail how much he missed them. Being a warden was frustrating. He could not tell her what he was doing or where he was. He could not tell her why he was worried or what troubled his mind. So all that was left was insurance that so far he was unharmed, meaningless conversations with the others and his feelings towards his family. He longed to have her in his arms. To fall asleep to her breathing, as her scent filled him with calmness he had known nowhere else. He longed to play with Maia and teach her new things and see her playing with Purrcival. Maker, he even missed getting dragged out of bed by that mongrel, Ebony. He should have brought him with him into the Deep Roads. Then he would not be so cold at night. Sighed and lay down in the alcove, turned his back towards the others and tucked himself into his bedroll. As he closed his eyes he let his fingers run over his cheek, in his mind imagining it was Leila's touch.


	77. Chapter 77 Tooth and Nail

**Tooth and nail**

Leila was walking after one of the guards who were taking her to one of the lower levels of the keep, controlled and administrated by the city guard. He pulled for his keys and opened the door. Inside was a wide range of weapons and armour far too large for that of a human or elf.

"Here we are. This is all we gathered after the Qunari attack. You won't find any swords though. They have been returned to Par Vollen." The guard informed her.

"Yes, I know. I was the one to make sure they did." Leila smiled softly.

"Of course. Forgive me your Excellency." The guard replied a little awkwardly.

"No harm done." She smiled and walked through the shelves.

She could practically hear Anders scolding her in the back of her mind, as she was looking for one of the things that he probably hated the most. A collar for a Sarabass (Qunari Mage). She was uncertain if he would understand what she was trying to do, but she would have to take that risk. She had to try something and at that moment this seemed like her only option. After some time searching she finally found it. It was heavy and Leila felt so sorry for all the mages who were forced to wear these. What she was about to do was dangerous and she knew it. Yet it was a path she was determined to take. All her life she had been cautious, terrified of the consequences of her actions. For the first time she was afraid of what would happen if she didn't take action. The kitten that once arrived in this world, who wanted to change it with compromises and arguments, had finally gotten her fangs. She was a full grown tigress and if they would not listen to her purrs, she would make sure no one could ignore her roars.

"Forgive me love." She whispered as she picked up the collar.

She hid it in a bag and walked out the room making the guard lock the door.

* * *

**The Deep Roads**

If there existed a God of luck, it would have long since turned its back on Anders. Flashing its glory before him, to let him know that luck did exist, but that it was far out of his reach. Perhaps it was a demon of luck and every little bit of fortune it send in his direction came with strings attached. You could not deny or refuse one or the other. Only one thing was sure, if he ever met this granter of luck, be it demon or deity, he would it make it suffer every minute equal to those it had granted false hope.  
They had been in the Deep Roads for ages and when they finally turned their way to the surface this was when they ran into the blighted creatures. The darkspawn were scattering about near this exit of the Deep Roads, carrying red and blue lyrium alike to the surface. Normally they Darkspawn only came to the surface during a blight, but Anders knew from his time with the wardens in Amaranthine, that someone or something else could make them do this as well. Like the Architect or Coryphaeus. Their docile minds would suggest the latter. Hiding in one of the alcoves above, they could look down at the mining operations.

"It's like they don't even sense us." Carver whispered.

"Sense us?" Albert asked confused.

"All wardens have taint in their blood. It means that we can sense them and they us. These however seems not to notice us." Anders replied.

"Perhaps, we are so far along they can't sense us anymore?" Nathaniel mused.

"Not likely. It will be many years before our calling comes." Anders replied in a whisper.

"Calling?" Albert asked again.

"Warden secret, sorry." Carver replied.

"All those secrets. Why did you bring me down here, if you can't tell me what we are doing?" Albert hissed in a low voice.  
Being in the Deep Roads for this long was straining on all of them.

"Some old defences have been made using mages, without warden training. That's why we need you. I am sorry I can't give you the answers you seek, but perhaps you will have them in due time." Nathaniel apologized.

"I understand... What do we do now? Andraste have mercy, we are trapped." Albert sighed hopelessly.

"We could just carve our way through." Carver suggested.

"Great plan, oh fearless warrior. Is this before or after we are completely overrun by them?" Anders hissed sarcastically.

"Quiet!" Nathaniel hissed and they both looked apologetic.

"Then what do you suggest, mage?" Carver spat in a whisper.  
Anders reached into his satchel and pulled out some explosives.

"Dworkin's explosives? When did you get a hold of them?" Nathaniel asked surprised.

"It's not Dworkin's, thought they are inspired by his work. These are my own." Anders replied, with a twisting sensation in his gut.

"When did you learn how to use explosives?" Nathaniel cocked an eyebrow.  
The knot in his gut became more painful. Explaining just how he attained the knowledge about explosives would be... complicated.

"Does it matter? Can we blow them to bits and get out of here?" Carver hurried.

"The Maker was happy the day he granted you your intellect, little brother." Albert said almost fondly patting his back.

Since Anders didn't care to be called his given name, Albert had begun just referring to him as 'brother'. It was pleasant enough in a way, but it always made Anders think of Hawke and then the thoughts led to Leila and Maia. It was bittersweet and unfair that a brother, he had long since laid at peace among the dead, got to spend more time with him than his little daughter.

"The problem is that we could trigger another cave in by accident. I don't even know how we are supposed to get it passed the darkspawn." Anders sighed, as the thought of being trapped here sent a shiver down his spine.

"How do we even get away from the blast in time?" Carver asked.

"That won't be a problem. It's magical, so I can trigger it at a distance." Anders replied.

"How much powder would be needed? Can I bind some to an arrow?" Nathaniel asked looking at the pouch in Anders' hand.

"That could work." Anders replied and began readying some of the powder.

"So we need to trigger that explosion and get out of here as quickly as possible, then?" Albert confirmed and the others nodded.

Nathaniel took as much powder as the arrow could carry, without losing its trajectory, and bound it into a small piece of cloth and unto the arrow. Masterfully he managed to get the arrow placed in some rubble far from them. Anders looked towards the ceiling and he shivered. He hated cave ins and always feared that something was going to fall down on his head. He couldn't believe that they were actually creating one. He looked at his companions making sure they were ready. Anders triggered the blast and the entire thaig shook violently. A cave in was created where the arrow was planted and the darkspawn began scattering in all directions, most of them retreating further into the thaig. The four men ran through the thaig with Albert and Carver in front. The quakes finally stopped as they were nearing the entrance. Suddenly Carver stopped and Anders ran into him.

"Maker Caver! Could we rest when we are not followed by Darkspawn?" Anders grunted with annoyance.

"Look there. Does he look familiar to you?" Carver asked, ignoring Anders' comment and pointing towards a corpse crushed under a rock.

Anders looked and saw the old tethered warden armour and his blood ran cold. Walking over and looking down at the old warden his worst fears were confirmed.

"This was Laurias." Anders said regretfully.

"Then where is Coryphaeus?" Nathaniel asked with worry evident in his voice.

"He has probably switched bodies by now." Anders sighed heavily.

"Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter." Albert muttered under his breath in prayer.

"We better get out of here." Carver suggested and the others nodded as a reply.

They snuck out of the entrance, careful not to draw attention to themselves. Hiding in the shadows what they saw next shocked them all. What appeared to be mages were gathering the lyrium from the darkspawn and taking it with them. The mages seemed in a hurry and no wonder after the trouble, they just caused in the thaig. The darkspawn ran back underground while the mages collected the lyrium.

"Why would the Darkspawn be helping mages?" Carver whispered.

"It is possible that Coryphaeus has taken a mage host this time. He was an ancient magister after all." Anders replied.

"Why do I get the sudden feeling that we are dealing with blood mages here?" Albert said almost angrily.

"Who else would be so easily fooled?" Anders replied grinding his teeth.

"We should follow them from a distance. Find out where they are taking the lyrium and what they intend to do with it." Nathaniel suggested.

The other silently agreed and from a distance they followed them.

* * *

** Kirkwall**

They were all sitting at the Amell estate having dinner and laughing like the used to. With the exception of Sebastian who had returned to Stark Haven months ago. Hawke was standing in the doorway from the kitchen to the dining room, taking in his friends enjoying themselves. Anders was of course still of on his warden assignment and on a day where he of all people should have been there. This was he and Leila's first anniversary and she had not received as much as a letter from him. Hawke knew all too well what it meant to have a warden in the family, but he could only imagine how difficult it must be to be married to one. Brothers were expected to live a part, but a spouse was supposed to be at your side. Hawke had two brothers, one by blood and one by friendship, in the Deep Roads and the constant worry never left him. But when he looked at Leila and Maia his pain was mostly for them.

"Lethallin?" He heard Merrill's sweet voice calling.

He turned to see Merrill looking up at him, placing a kiss on his cheek. She gave him a concerned look.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly.

"Now I am." He smiled and pulled her into his arms kissing her deeply.

He knew that things were changing. Isabella had finally gotten her ship and as soon as she had found herself a crew, she would be leaving Kirkwall behind. Probably taking Fenris along with her. Aveline and Donnic was planning on having children, so soon they would not be around like this. Responsibility and duty was taking all of his friends in different directions and Hawke had begun to wonder what his future contained. When he broke the kiss, he saw Bodahn walking into the dining room with a potted orchid in his hands. When he handed it to Leila she smiled brightly and took in its scent. Hawke smiled as he saw a tear of happiness form in her eyes.

"Oh, I haven't seen orchids like that outside Rivain." Isabella remarked and took in there scent as well.

"Figures that Blondie would come up with something like that." Varric said with a kind smile.

Leila merely nodded closing her eyes and gently kissing one of the petals. It was then that Hawke knew he had done the right thing in getting her those flowers. Now he just had to remember to tell Anders, that he had given them to her in his name. She so desperately needed to be cheered up, especially after the last request she made. Upstairs in his study was the Qunari collar and Maker only knew how he would accomplished what she asked of him. And he begged from the bottom of his heart that he would not live to regret it.

* * *

**Nevarra**

Anders was twirling his wedding ring, as his heart was pining for his wife so many miles away. The mages they had been following had made camp for the night, so in the shadows they waited for them to move again. Only they did not have the warmth of a fire in order to avoid detection. And were the mages had shelter provided by the hill, they were on that hill receiving the full force of the icy wind. Anders felt cold and was trembling from both heartache and sleep deprivation. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the tree he was sitting under. Perhaps sleep would calm him.

_He groaned against her glistening throat as he came for the second time that night, before both of them collapsed on the bed. He was breathing heavily, but he still took in the sight of her tousled hair and her flushed cheeks, as she was smiling brightly. He loved that he could make her look that happy. She began chuckling._

_"Bloody hell, if anyone had told me about Warden stamina before, I wouldn't have believed them. Makes Viagra seem like a placebo." She chuckled to herself._

_He turned on his side and looked down at her cocking an eyebrow._

_"A pharmaceutical product that makes men... ehm... work more efficiently." She giggled a little shyly._

_"And that is common in your world?" He asked curiously._

_She chuckled._

_"I wouldn't know. I only know that the once I have been with didn't use it." She smiled closing her eyes._

_Her chest was still risen and falling from their amorous activities. Still on his side he let his fingers wander over her body, burning every inch of her skin into his memories. He had taken so many lovers, but he hardly remembered anything about them. The memories of them were as fleeting as the "romances" themselves had been. A part of him was ashamed of this, but another part was happy that it had given him the knowledge to please her. Not that she was a novice either and his past excursions didn't bother her. Which reminded him..._

_"You said once you didn't mind that I've been with men. Have you been with... women?" He asked a little shyly._

_He never used to be shy before he joined with Justice, but now it seemed to shine through more often. Or perhaps the fact that for the first time he actually cared about someone, was making him behave differently. She looked at him with amusement and gave a chuckle._

_"No, I haven't. Only men." She replied with a smile._

_This surprised him a little. He was sure that since she had been so relaxed about it, that she would have had similar experiences._

_" After what you said I assumed..." He said unable to hide his surprise._

_"Disappointed?" She chuckled._

_"Of course not. Just curious." He replied still stroking her body._

_"Let me explain it like this. When I see a pretty woman I think; 'Well, she looks pretty' and that's it. When I see a handsome man my body has a physical reaction, so I never pursued anything but men. As for your experiences, where I come from it is acceptable for people to have relationships with people of their own sex. Sure, there are people who fuss over it, but it never bothered me. If they are happy and the relationship is consensual, what right do we have to object?" She explained closing her eyes._

_He kissed her cheek fondly and somewhere in the back of his mind he told himself, he should have known she would think like that. "Men... she said 'men' not 'man'." Anders felt his mind whispering and he was uncertain if this came from himself or from Justice. He had noticed he had become rather jealous since meeting her. A trait that he had never possessed before. He was unsure if this was because of her or because of Justice, but it was a feeling that was not easily repressed._

_"Have you had many lovers?" He asked trying to seem casual._

_A smirk formed on her lips, but she kept her eyes close._

_"Wouldn't you like to know?" She teased._

_"That many?" He asked with a smile._

_She opened her eyes with another amused look and began chuckling._

_"You're jealous!" She said in a high pitched voice as she smiled brightly._

_Anders groaned as he turned on his back, feeling a small blush on his cheeks. This retreat was short lived, as Leila got up and rested on his chest looking down at him with a smile, which would make solid ice evaporate into steam._

_"I know it's idiotic... just tell me please." He said softly stroking her hair._  
_She chuckled and kissed his lips._

_"I have only had two boyfriends and those are the only ones I have been with. They were... sweet, but I never took the time to come to love them. Not as they deserved anyway." She said a little solemnly._

_"They were with you. I am sure they got much more than they deserved. I know I do." He said fondly, as his hand travelled down her spine._

_"You're sweet, but that's not what I meant. Those men loved me and deserved someone who loved them just as much. It wasn't that I didn't feel worthy of being loved, but I just felt I couldn't give them what they deserved." She explained with a little regret and sadness in her voice._

_"And how do you feel about me?" He asked carefully. If she did not love those men, would it be different with him? She smiled brightly._

_"You are the only person I can honestly say I have loved with all my heart. I don't know if it is as much as you deserve, but I will fight with every fibre of my being to not come up short. I love you." She smiled stroking his cheek._

_"All those words should be coming from me, you know. I don't deserve you, but by the Maker I love you so much." He exclaimed and captured her lips._

_"I want so much to make you happy... in fact..." She said against his lips._

_She began kissing her way down his neck, planting wet kisses on his chest and he could feel her truly enjoying just kissing him. He felt her hands parting his legs and running up on the inside of his thighs, as she kissed his stomach. He felt his blood rush through him and down. He moved his hands into her hair._

_"Leila..." He exclaimed in something between a gasp and a moan, as he threw his head back._

Anders awoke and shook his head as he felt his body reacting. Not a good thing to be thinking about in the middle of nowhere. He shifted trying to give himself some relieve, as the memories of his wife's lips were far too vivid for his liking. It had been months since he had seen her and he missed her so much. Her voice, her eyes, her comforting words and simply being able to tell her that he loved her. The way he missed Maia was perhaps even a little worse. He knew that each moment he was away, he lost some of her childhood. There were so many things she would learn and he would not remember it.

"Anders, we need to move." Albert whispered and gestured to the mages camp below.

They were already on the move again. Anders sighed heavily and nodded. They had to press on.

* * *

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-_

_I added some flash backs to these chapters, so it would not be depraved of Anders' and Leila's relationship even though they are a part from each other. Hope you enjoyed them._


	78. Chapter 78 Patience

**Patience**

He shivered as he sat there in the cell. There was a cot, but he had not been given as much as a blanket to keep him warm. No sunlight entered the dark holding cell and the air was still. The only light was the torch a few meters from the cell that barely illuminated it. It was burning low and he wondered how soon it would go out. Then he would be all alone in the dark, with the memories of his father's death haunting him. Papa had told him that there were no monsters in the shadows and in the night. He had been wrong. The monsters were humans dressed in metal armour and skirts. They had taken his father from him and left him alone in the darkness. His eyes were sore from crying and his throat dry. His sleeve was soaked from drying tears and his dripping nose. He was afraid to sleep and he was afraid to be awake. Suddenly he heard a noise. The sounds were those of nightmares. People yelling and screaming, while he heard metal and spells being cast, but they were all faint. They barely travelled their way down to the depths of the darkness that surrounded him. He heard the door open and heard many footsteps hurry past his cell. He was tempted to walk towards the door and peek out the bars on the top of the wooden door, but courage eluted him. He heard the door open and in came one of the humans in metal. He cowered in fear and curled up in the corner. The man hurried towards him and kneeled down.

"I know you fear me, but you must be brave. You are a strong little boy, I know you are brave." The man in metal said almost fondly.

He nodded, not having the courage to speak. The man picked him up and walked with him out the cell. They followed a group that was out in the hallway. There were five of the metal men, but more than he could count to yet, that were dressed in clothes, which looked like dresses. Men, women, children, humans and elves. The metal man holding him never let go, even as he took a torch in his other hand. Despite his fears he wrapped his arms around his neck and held tight, as he closed his eyes. He was so afraid of the dark and the group was walking deeper into it.

* * *

** Kirkwall**

She sat at her desk rubbing her neck and stretching her back. Her tasks seemed never ending and her worries never seized. Still she was content. She was making a difference for this city and after years of work it was beginning to show. The lives of the elves had vastly improved. They were no longer desperately poor and their housing condition improved. Most still lived in the alienage, but was no longer forced to live there. Many had come accustom to it and now took pride in improving it, making it part of their legacy. Most nobles still scuffed and saw them as nothing but servants. Change took time, but at least it was on its way. The mages seemed calmer and more hopeful, but Leila knew she had started a fire. She had tried so hard to prevent war from breaking out, but the changes she was making seemed to have the opposite effect on the rest of Thedas. The Divine had encouraged other circles to make some of these changes as well, but only the one in Ferelden had agreed. In the shadows were whispers of the templars breaking away, declaring that the Divine had turned her back on the Maker and the Chantry. Nothing was said in public and Dumar had been right when he said "Zealots a bravest where there lies can't be argued: In private.". She missed the Viscount at times and she missed Seamus. They had paid with their lives in their attempts to protect and appease the city. Would she have to make the same payment? Would her daughter? She looked towards the door as it knocked and in came a worried looking seneschal Bran. Seeing his expression she stood up, preparing to storm out the door should it be necessary.

"What is the matter? Has some crisis come up?" Leila asked with great concern.

"Not here, your Excellency. You should know that one of the circles in Nevarra has been annulled. The templars have claimed that it was your initiatives here, which caused the unruliness among the mages and forced the templars hands." Bran explained.

Leila froze as her heart was beating painfully. She grabbed hold of the table to prevent herself from falling.

"Claim? So it is not a fact?" She enquired, her grip on the table tightening.

"No, your Excellency." Bran replied.

"Summon the Champion and have him come here as soon as possible and arrange a meeting with Knight-commander Cullen." She instructed.

"As you wish." Bran replied and walked out the room.

Leila sat down and rubbed her face. This had been her doing. Her choices had forced this, whether the fault was the mages or the templars. She felt like a fool. How could she expect she could prevent something that had been brewing for a thousand years? She stood up and opened the window, hoping the fresh air would clear her thoughts. She looked out over the city and up into the sky.

"Anders, where are you? I could use your advice more than ever." She sighed, as her heart was beating painfully.

* * *

**Nevarra**

For days they followed the mages. They were tired, hungry and low on supplies, but at least they were no longer surrounded by the thin air in the Deep Roads. They could not turn back now. They were in the outskirts of Nevarra near the border to Tevinter. For a moment Anders was worried they would enter Tevinter, as tracking them there would be difficult. Thankfully they stopped in a forest near the border. All this made Anders' skin crawl. He hated bloodmages, even if Hawke and Merrill were it as well. In his mind those were the mages who had taken the liberties from everyone else. It was bloodmages who had sealed the fate of mages. Justice roared inside him, his fury brought upon him with vengeance. So long had the spirit been quiet, but this was too much. It took every last bit of Anders' control to stay in that spot and not reveal their position. Only the unbidden thought that it was Maia's second nameday made him pause. He missed it. Fury was replaced with heartache that left Anders barely breathing. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You'll see them again." Albert whispered comforting.

Enough times had Anders dwelled on those thoughts, for his companions to read him by then. It was a cloud of sorrow that never seemed to leave him. They looked over the camp and Anders heard Justice roar inside him as his gaze turned to the cages. In those cages were human and elves in all ages.

"Slaves?" Albert whispered.

"Perhaps..." Nathaniel replied with regret.

If this was merely a slave trade operation they could not interfere. Wardens were not allowed to involve themselves with things like this. Little did Nathaniel know that Anders would never turn his back on such injustice. Justice would never allow it. But there were too many mages. A camp full of bloodmages, would be a great undertaking, even for three wardens and a highly skilled battle-mage. So they were forced to observe and see how things evolved. Anders looked down at the mages and saw a face he recognized. Maria. The mage that had worked in his clinic, had slighted Leila and been offended when he had turned her away. She had abused the freedom Leila had granted her and now she was doing this. Another nail in the coffin for mage freedom and Justice howled inside him, poisoning his mind with a fury that could scorn the earth beneath them. Anders grabbed his amulet.

_"We need to stay calm, Justice. We must wait for the right moment to strike."_

In the middle of the camp some of the mages were melting the lyrium and mixing the blue and red lyrium. The concoction turned toxic green and even from their position they could sense it in the air. From one of the cages were brought a young woman and taken to the middle of the camp. Anders found himself covering his ears as their cries and whimpers tore at his heart. Forcefully two mages held the slave and forced the green lyrium down their throats. The girl gagged and nearly threw up, but they held her tightly, shoving her head back making sure it all got down her throat. The green lytium ran down her throat and almost seemed to be burning her. If it was its warmth or the lyrium itself, Anders didn't know, but only because Carver and Albert managed to hold him, he didn't run towards them. One look in their eyes told him that they were feeling as sick and desperate as he. Satisfied that the girl have had enough, the mages waited. Whimpering she fell to the ground, as one of the mages created a barrier around her. On the ground they placed runes.

"Those are meant to contain demons. Are they trying to possess her?" Albert asked wide eyed.

"If they merely wanted that, there would be easier ways to do it." Anders replied, barely keeping his fury under control.

For minutes, which seemed like hours, they waited. A green toxic light started forming around the woman and cracks like Anders' and Justice's formed on her skin. Then they vanished again. The woman stood up and with all the pain and anger her heart possessed the woman conjured a massive fireball trying to destroy the barrier.

"Please tell me she was a mage before they did to that to her..." Carver whispered pleadingly.

"I don't think so." Anders replied with shock and worry.

"I didn't think we would be that lucky." Carver sighed with regret.

"They have found away to turn non mages magical... Andraste have mercy..." Albert replied breathing heavily.

"That is... disturbing." Nathaniel replied.

Again and again the woman fired the uncontrolled fire at the barrier. A woman with the power of a full-grown mage, but none of the training or knowledge on how to contain it. Her clothes and hair caught fire and she screamed in agony. The barrier shattered and the woman turned into a rage abomination before them. There was nothing they could do to help her. If they charged in they would die and others would suffer. The wardens would burn entire cities along with its people, to prevent the darkspawn from claiming it, in order to protect others. This was no different and this was part of the reason why Anders could not remain with the wardens. This inaction was killing him and transforming Justice into a creature much like the rage abomination, now prowling its cage of runes. The mages killed the girl, but seemed perversely satisfied with the result. Anders shuddered from pure rage. Leila was right. Mages nor templars were dangerous because of what they were, but because of who they chose to become. It was because they were people that they were a threat. Was there any hope for anyone, when it took so little to become as perverted as a demon? Nathaniel put a hand on his shoulder.

"Not now Justice. Patience." He whispered.

It was nightfall now and some of the mages, including Maria, left the camp. Only a dozen mages remained and their captives. As they camp became quiet, Nathaniel snuck down into the camp and opened the cages, preparing for the prisoners to escape. Carver and Albert walked to the other side of the camp and provoked a fight with some of the mages, leaving the coast clear for Anders. He snuck through the camp and towards the lyrium, picking up books and notes he found along the way. Hopefully they would give clues as to what they were doing. Anders stood in front of the lyrium and hesitated. Its song was hypnotic and Justice was so close to the surface that Anders felt he was losing control. Faint cracks appeared on Anders' skin. He would have to hurry. He placed has explosive amongst the lyrium and ran as fast as he could. He ran towards Carver and Albert. Albert took one of the mages and pulled him towards him with force magic, only to spear him on his sword. Carver drained their mana and Anders cast a paralyzing glyph on the ground, trapping the mages. They saw the prisoners and Nathaniel run and they followed behind. Out of range Anders channelled his magic and a massive red light emanated from the camp, pulling it into the air and blowing it to pieces. His companions turned and looked in awe.

"One day you have to teach me that trick mage." Carver said almost impressed.

* * *

**Kirkwall**

Hawke hurried through Hightown. Leila's summon had been urgent and the city was already buzzing with the news from Nevarra. Apparently the mages had asked for some of the same privileges Kirkwall's mages had been granted. But after several requests the templars had become even more fierce in their treatment of them, trying to prevent a rebellion. Had the templars learned nothing of what had happened in Kirkwall or was it simply that they didn't want to learn? Eventually the revolutionists had become so determined that they had threatened the templars, demanding the rights or the templars would have to face the consequences. This had made the templars invoke the right of annulment and blaming the Viscountess of Kirkwall for inspiring it. Hawke regretted summoning Leila to Thedas. She would have been safer in her own world and her position as Viscountess was a poorly rewarded and appreciated position. Wealth could not make you happy, even if it did make many things easier to deal with. He hurried through the keep and up to Leila's office. Knowing he was expected he didn't even bother to knock. He walked through the door and closed it behind him. Leila stood up from her desk and her worried expression told him everything he needed to know. This was bad.

"I trust you heard about what happened in Nevarra?" She said seriously.

"Yes. What are you going to do about it?" He asked.

"I had a meeting with Cullen and he ensures me that the templars remaining in Kirkwall supports me, but it will only be a matter of time until someone higher up the ranks will disagree with it." She sighed heavily leaning on her desk.

"Like Lord Seeker Lambert?" Hawke replied knowingly.

"Yes, but for the moment things here remain calm, but I cannot remain ignorant to my part in this. I want you to go to Nevarra and see if there are any mages left from the circle that can be helped. They can be transferred here and report to the circle. Should some of them choose to become apostates, then I am not to know of it for their safety." She said seriously.

Hawke swallowed. She was risking a great deal by doing this. No one could know that she was involved in this. It would only cause more disturbances in the Chantry. The Divine supported someone who was ignoring the rules of the Chantry over and over and changing rules that had been in place for a thousand years. He was afraid on Leila's behalf, but as he looked at her now he saw something else than a frightened and diplomatic little girl. He saw a strong woman that ruled with wisdom, compassion and a now had a resolve that would even cause armies to pause. She was still the same, but courage that had always been in her heart, was now there for all to see. Her true strength had only just been revealed, as she for the first time was fully confronted with the result of her actions.

"I understand. I am sure Isabella will lend us her ship. I will see if we can leave at midnight." He replied.

"Thank you. You are indeed a Champion." She winked with a smile.

"And don't you forget it. I'll better hurry to get everything ready. We will be by with Maia's gift later. We should celebrate a little even if it is for nothing more than an hour." He said with a smile.

Leila nodded and Hawke gave her a peck on her cheek.

* * *

**Weisshaupt several weeks later**

The First Warden Isaak was almost prowling back and forth, as he tried to understand the ramifications of what Anders had told him. He rubbed his face and let hold hand hold his beard tightly.

"So you are saying that Coryphaeus has changed bodies and is now trying to make non-mages into mages?" He said needing confirmation.

"I'm afraid so, First Warden." Anders replied, clearly as uncomfortable with this.

"What is he hoping to accomplish?" Isaak asked almost angrily.

"I believe he is trying to achieve two things. One, if all people are mages then the Chantry will fall. Two, he might be trying to spread the taint as well, giving him complete control over the mages he has created. With the Chantry destroyed it will be as if Andraste never existed and with control over so many mages and the darkspawn, he could take over all of Thedas. He could then bring back the "glory" of the Tevinter Imperium." Anders replied, shivering from anger and... fear.

"Maker have mercy... tell me you at least know where to go from here." Isaak replied unable to stand still.

"I believe he had connections to someone in the circle in Nevarra that was annulled. From what I could gather for the information I found, his lackeys have found their way to Orlais." Anders replied, trying to conceal his anger about what had happened to the mages.

"And you send Howe and Carver Hawke to follow their trail." Isaak replied with understanding.

"Yes, I thought it best to inform you of this information personally. If we fail, then you have an idea about what you are up against." Anders replied seriously.

"Very well. Leave immediately and keep me informed whenever possible." Isaak replied.

"Yes, First-warden." Anders replied with a nod and walked out the door.

"Maker have mercy on us all." Isaak muttered under his breath.

* * *

**Nevarra**

He sat in the corner on the floor, curled together to keep warm. The basement they were currently in seemed no more pleasant than the cell. The people he travelled with were constantly worried and none of them seemed to notice him. Only the man in the metal suit would visit from time to time, only he would be wearing normal clothes. He always brought food with him and always made sure he was full before leaving. He had never known that the men in metal could be kind. He could feel his stomach tightening painfully from hunger. He wished he would come by now. More than anything he wished for his Papa, but he was gone and nothing could bring him back. The door to the cellar opened and everyone held their breaths and held their weapons on the ready, while the other children were crying silently. Down the stairs came a man in an amour unlike anything he had ever seen. Mostly cloth, but with metal and black fur applied to it. He pulled down the hood covering his face. He had long black hair and a thin beard, his brown eyes looked kind. Right behind him came a dwarf. He had never seen a dwarf without a beard before.

"Don't worry, we are friends. We are here to take you away from here and give you shelter." The man said with a friendly voice.

He didn't seem frightened at all. He must be very brave. Much braver than he was and he felt himself tucking himself closer into the corner.

"Where are you taking us?" One of the older mages asked.

"Kirkwall, the circle there has offered you who wish it refuge there. If others just want to... disappear, then we will tell no one." The dwarf replied.

The people sighed with relief, but he was still afraid, still alone. Down the stairs came a dark woman, who looked like a pirate.

"Alright, everyone follow me. We will have to hurry though." The woman called.

The people followed her, but no one paid attention to him and he was too terrified to move. Tears began flowing. He didn't want to be left alone in the dark again. He had no one. The man and the dwarf was about to follow the others, when the dwarf suddenly stopped and looked directly at him.

"Hey, Hawke." The dwarf called to his companion that was on his way up the stairs."

"What is it Varric?" He asked turning.

"We have a little elf over here." The dwarf said almost fondly.

The man now looked directly at him and fear grasped his heart even harder. He tried to be quiet, but he sobbed. The man named Hawke walked towards him and crouched before him. He flinched, when the man reached for him.

"Hey little fellow. Why don't you come with me and I'll get you some cake?" The man offered.

"Andraste's tits Hawke. You sound like a Tevinter slaver." The dwarf chuckled.  
He flinched again and began crying uncontrollable.

"I don't want to be a slave." He sobbed.

"See what you did Varric?" The man accused looking at the dwarf.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Where is Blondie when you need him?" Varric sighed.

"What would Anders do? Think Hawke." The man muttered to himself, while holding the bridge of his nose.

The man looked at him with a comforting smile. He raised his hand and from it danced a little electricity. It formed a small puppy that jumped around. He looked at it and despite his fears he began to giggle.

"See, that is much better. I won't hurt you. I am like you and I am going to take somewhere, where you don't have to be afraid." The man said softly.

"Can I still have cake?" He asked and the man and dwarf chuckled.

"As much as you want, Bones." The dwarf chuckled.

The man picked him up in his arms.

"Bones? Really Varric." The man cocked an eyebrow and looked at the dwarf.

"Sounded better than Skinny." The dwarf offered.

"I am Hawke and this is my friend Varric. What is your name?" Hawke smiled.

"Tobias, but Papa called me Toby." He replied.

"Toby it is." The man said cheerfully and they walked up the stairs.

"That magic thing you did... Where did you learn that?" Varric asked.

"Anders used to do it for Maia all the time. He taught me how to do it." Hawke replied.

"I miss Blondie." Varric sighed.

"Don't we all?" Hawke replied solemnly.


	79. Chapter 79 Family

**Family**

Again he sat in the dark. This time in the cargo hold on a ship he had shared with all of his kin from the circle. They were gone now. They had left the ships hours ago and he remained alone in the cargo hold. The trip had been long and he had been sick for most of the journey. He had always wanted to be a pirate and sail the open seas, but he had never known that you could get sick from it. The man Hawke and the dwarf Varric had distributed food every day and had made sure he had enough to eat. Sadly they had been far too busy to talk to him and he was left alone, while his kin didn't seem to notice him. The only one who had spoken to him was the metal man that had been at the ship to say goodbye to him and make sure that he was with the others. But now he was on his own again. He wanted to get out of the cargo hold that smelled like fish, but he was afraid. He wished he was brave like the Hawke man and the metal man. He wished he was as brave as his papa. At the memory of his father Toby cried again. He sniffled as he saw a lantern in the dark. There in the middle of the cargo hold stood the captain called Isabella, Hawke and an elven woman judging by her height. They were all of them wearing cloaks.

"Most of the mages went to the circle, but there are some who are... unaccounted for." Isabella explained with a smile.

"That's good. Did you have any trouble?" The elven woman asked.

"Cumberland was crawling with templars, but the circle there is still intact. I have told Orsino where these mages came from, but we did not inform the ones in Nevarra..." Hawke began.

Toby coughed and tried to press himself into the shadows. The Hawke man was friendly, but he didn't know if he was supposed to be there. Hawke turned the lantern and Toby had to close his eyes at the bright light.

"Toby... Why are you still here?" Hawke asked surprised.

"The other mages must have forgotten him. He always seemed a little lonely." Isabella replied.

"Who is he?" The elven woman asked.

"He is an elven boy who was brought to the circle only two days before they annulled it. He was kept in a cell the entire time he was there. Apparently his mother died giving birth to him and his father raised him on his own. When he discovered his son had magic they hid. When the templars found them, the father tried to fight to keep his son. It ended... badly." Hawke explained in a hushed voice Toby could barely hear.

The elven woman nodded with understanding.

"How did he end up here? How did he get out of the circle?" The elven woman asked.

"Some of the templars took pity on the mages and helped some of them escape. Children mostly. One of the templars freed him from his cell and was the one who I came in contact with. He helped me find the mages and told me this little man's story." Hawke replied and smiled at Toby.

"Poor child." The elven woman breathed.

She walked towards Toby and kneeled in front of him. The dark made it hard to see anything but her green eyes observing him. She seemed kind and good. Perhaps that was what his mother looked like.

"Hello Toby. You don't like the dark do you?" She asked softly.

Toby was too timid to answer and shook his head in responds.

"I don't either. Why don't you come with me and I'll make sure you have a bath and something to eat? Not to mention a soft bed for once. How does that sound?" She asked sweetly.

"Good..." Toby replied in a low voice.

She smiled and reached for him picking her up in her arms. She smelled nice almost sweet and she was so warm. For some reason he just knew she had to be. There was something comforting in her nature. She walked towards Hawke who took off his cloak and placed it around his shoulders to keep him warm. They walked off the ship and Toby hid his face in the crook of her neck. He was terrified of the dark. He felt her hand stroke his sticky hair to give him comfort.

"Sorry I smell." He apologized very embarrassed.

"Think nothing of it, sweetheart." She said kindly.

He didn't know for how long they walked or what it looked like. He just hid in her embrace, taking comfort from her warmth, touch and the softness in her voice as she spoke. Despite that they walked for a long time she did not let go of him or let someone else carry him. He was grateful for that. He didn't want to leave her. He did feel them walk up a lot of stairs though. He suddenly saw light as Hawke opened the door and they walked inside. Toby looked up and around the grand house. It must have been a castle. She removed her hood and for the first time he saw the woman protecting him.

"You're a shem!" He said with surprise.  
She smiled softly and stroked his hair.

"Yes, my name is Leila. Does it bother you that I am human?" She asked softly with a smile.

Toby was thoughtful for a moment. His Papa had always talked poorly about shems, but she seemed kind and was good to him even though he was an elf. He finally shook his head.

"I'll leave you now." Hawke said looking at Leila.

"Alright. Thank you for everything and give Merrill my love." Leila smiled.

Hawke gave her a brotherly peck on her cheek. Toby figured they must have been siblings. Hawke ruffled Toby's hair. Not in the least disgusted by the grime covering him.

"Alright there, Toby. You are lucky, Leila is the nicest person in Kirkwall." Hawke smiled and walked out the door.

On the way up the stairs they passed an elderly elf. A servant. His papa used to be a servant and Toby remembered how arrogant his master had been. Perhaps this was a bad idea. Leila stopped and smiled at the servant.

"If you are not too busy, would you be so kind and bring some supper up to my bedchambers?" Leila asked the servant with humility and even affection.

"Of course Mistress. Is it for this little fellow?" The servant replied fondly.

"Yes. Thank you. That is very kind of you." Leila replied.

The servant chuckled and there seemed almost to be a friendship between them. Toby had never known a shem to be this nice to elves. Certainly not someone who worked for them. For a moment he was afraid that she would put him down, but as he held her tighter she smiled and decided not to. They walked down a corridor and Leila opened the door to one of the rooms. Toby smiled. It was warm and everything looked so soft. On the floor sat a little human girl and was stroking a large wolf-like dog, which seemed to be gentle with the little girl. In a chair sat an elder woman with a cat in her lap. The cat jumped down and the woman got up.

"Hello Wynne. Thank you for watching Maia." Leila smiled.

"It was no trouble. Who is this young man?" Wynne asked fondly.

"This is Toby. He is one of the few survivors from the circle in Nevarra. The others forgot him, when they went to the circle." Leila explained and her expression was pained.

"Oh, I see." Wynne smiled, but looked a little sternly at Leila.

"I know, I know. Just for tonight." Leila replied.

"Well a bath and some supper should do wonders." Wynne said with a chuckle.

* * *

**Orlais**

They walked towards the capital of Orlais all of them still apprehensive about what had happened earlier that evening. They had followed the bloodmages and discovered they had captured a dragon and forced a little girl to drink a lot of blood. They were trying to control her mind as the girl was a mage with the ability to control animals. Before they could intervene however the camp was stormed by the seekers and templars.

"Blasted templars!" Anders hissed under his breath.

"They were only doing their duty." Nathaniel reasoned.

"Yes, well thanks to their duty, we never found out what they intended. Oh and that Cassandra girl, was she ever thrilled when I told her it was a warden investigation." Anders replied with venom in his voice.

"Indeed, I thought she would have slaughtered us merely for being mages." Albert replied.

"Well if the leader of theirs is indeed Coryphaeus then we need to act quickly." Carver replied.

"Why do you think it was him?" Alert asked with surprise.

"He was the only one with taint in his blood." Nathaniel replied.

"And we could hear some of his thoughts. Don't forgive that lovely detail." Carver said sarcastically.

"I hope they are able to protect the girl. They have no idea what they are messing with." Anders hissed.

"Couldn't we just tell them, what we know?" Albert suggested.

"No. This is warden business and the templars interference would only make it worse. There is a reason all of this is secret. It is only because of your knowledge, you are allowed to know." Nathaniel replied.

"I just hope they don't make a bigger mess out of this than it already is. And how long before we are at that tavern? I'm starving!" Carver groaned rubbing his stomach, a senseless thing to do considering it was hidden in armour.

"Don't wardens think with anything despite their stomachs?" Albert chuckled.

"The fact that Carver thinks at all is amazing." Anders said with a wicked grin.

"You be thankful you saved my life once, magey or you would not be standing there." Carver retaliated with a smirk.

"How did Hawke put up with you two?" Nathaniel groaned.

"I'm guessing telling them to shut up didn't work?" Albert offered.

"It didn't. Just be grateful we don't have more family reunions." Anders chuckled.

"You are related? Should have figured with all your bickering." Albert replied drily.

"Not directly. Leila is a cousin of mine." Carver replied.

Anders almost stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes. Almost a year had passed since he had seen his family last and they were never in more danger than now. He had heard that the annulment of one of Nevarra's circles was blamed on Leila and Justice had nearly gotten into a rampage, when they had overheard someone talking about it. The way they slandered her broke his heart. They were not worthy of her or the world she was trying to create. Walking along in his own thoughts he barely noticed when they arrived at the tavern and he followed the others inside.

"Anders, what do you want for supper?" Carver called pulling him from his thoughts.

"Nothing, I... I'll just go to sleep" Anders replied and reached for the key walking up to his room.

He went into the room that had two single beds and sat on the bed before he pulled out the letters. There must have been at least twenty that said the same things over and over again, but he had not had the opportunity to send them until now. He hoped that Leila had not given up hope or felt that he had left her, even as part of him felt that he had. He wondered how much Maia had grown and what she had learned. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. The exact memory of their appearance was fading and he was afraid he would not recognize Maia when he saw her again. Or worse that she would not recognize him. The door opened and in came Albert with a tray.

"I have learned one thing on this trip. Wardens are **always**hungry." He smiled and put the tray with stew, bread and a mug of wine next to Anders.

"Thank you." Anders replied, but he barely touched it.

"You miss them." Albert stated and sat down on the other bed.

"Constantly. It feels like I am missing so much. So many important things that I will never have the opportunity to witness. I always find myself trapped in one way or another and I am so tired of it." Anders explained running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Well, I could say that at least you know where your child is. I have no idea if I will ever see my son." Albert sighed regretfully.

"I... I know. I'm sorry, I should not forget myself." Anders said feeling guilty.

He knew what mages suffered and he should not forget it merely because of his own sadness at present. He could feel Justice's disappointment at him in the back of his mind. This was why he had called Leila a distraction.

"You don't have to apologize. I'm sorry my meeting with them was so brief. What are they like?" Albert asked with a smile.

"Well, Maia is such a happy girl and so gentle. She always had a way with animals even though she is so little. And Leila is good, kind and patient. Sometimes infuriatingly patient." Anders chuckled.

"I wish I could get to know them better." Albert sighed a little regretfully.

He knew that the way things were with the circles there was no way he would be granted permission to leave the tower for personal reasons. Even as he had remained loyal to the circle and served his country in the army times beyond counting. He knew his brother was fighting in some way to free mages from the circle and though he found Anders to be... overeager, he had begun to admire his resolve and courage.

"You don't have to report back to the circle. You could just run." Anders offered.

"And become an apostate? Do you have any idea what you are suggesting?" Albert replied almost horrified.

"Yes I do. I was an apostate for almost six years after a left the wardens." Anders replied firmly.

"You left the wardens? Why?" Albert asked with surprise.

Anders let out a heavy sigh. He had no intention of telling him about Justice. There was no way he would understand or see him as anything but an abomination.

"I wanted to help the mages and grant them freedom, so I lived in Kirkwall for years trying to liberate the mages there. But then this came up and I had to trust my allies would do it in my absence." Anders replied his voice heavy with regret.

"And you dragged you wife and child into that? You are unbelievable! Don't you know what could happen to them?" Albert said angrily.

"I know exactly what could happen, which is why I fight. I fight for my daughter. And before you begin preaching; I warned Leila not to get involved with me, but she chose to anyway. She began fighting alongside me, without me ever asking her to do it. I would risk everything for their future." Anders replied heatedly, only barely holding Justice back.

Albert looked taken aback for a moment, but then composed himself.

"And she seemed so sensible." Albert tried to joke.

"She is. Don't judge her from my poor description of her or from those few times you have met her. She is stronger than you think." Anders replied and looked into the floor with a small smile on his face.

"You love them very much... perhaps in a few years, when things have calmed I can transfer to the circle in Kirkwall. Are you able to live freely there? Don't the templars come for you?" Albert asked.

Anders smirked and opened his amulet before pulling out the piece of paper hidden inside. Albert read the paper and turned almost white.

"The Divine..." He breathed.

"Yes... If you want to remain in the circle I know someone who might be able to make your transfer immediately, when all this is done." Anders offered.

"I would like that." Albert smiled and handed Anders the document.

* * *

** Kirkwall**

Leila was washing Toby's red hair while he was sitting in the tub playing with Maia's ship. He told Leila that he was six years old and that he and his father had been in hiding for half a year. He was such a little boy, seemingly even more so because he was an elf. He was skinny, pale and had blue eyes. He was frightened, but seemed to feel a little better now he was clean. Wynne had managed to find some clean clothes for the boy and placed them on the chair in the bathroom. Leila gently tilted Toby's head back and poured water into his hair removing the soap. He looked down again and pushed the wooden ship gently.

"I'll go check on your supper. I'll be right back." Leila kissed his forehead and walked into the bedchamber, where Wynne was observing her.

"You should not make promises you don't intend to keep, my dear." She said almost fondly.

"What do you mean?" Leila asked.

"You look at that boy like you have found a lost puppy and you don't have any parents to tell you that you can't keep him." Wynne said knowingly.

Leila turned to look in the bathroom door and looked at the little boy. She remembered a conversation she had with Anders once. _"When mages are free, there are still going to be parents who will fear their children for being born as such. Those children will also be left alone and loveless. Why would I bring a new child into the world, when there already are so many who could benefit from that love?"_She had always wanted to adopt. Always wanted to give a home to a child who had nothing. This little boy had been through so much and had no one. Even the other mages forgot about him and let him sit alone in that cargo hold.

"He should be in the circle where people can teach him. I know you want what is best for him, but he is a danger to himself if he doesn't get the proper training. Not to mention you can't risk it if you truly want things between the Chantry and Circle to be resolved peacefully." Wynne warned.

Leila turned to look at her.

"Do you really think there is still a chance of that? It seems to me that the templars will only accept that mages submit completely and then the future for mages will become even more bleak. But you are right. He does need training. So it is a good thing I am married to a mage, is it not." Leila smiled.

"But Anders isn't here. We need to show the Chantry that they can trust us. They will never do that if we keep challenging them." Wynne argued.

"And things will never change if we don't question and things can't stay as they are. I don't think there is a right or wrong thing to do anymore... in a general sense anyway. So I just have to deal with one situation at a time and resolve it as best I can. Toby is afraid and alone. For a little while he should stay here at least, and then we can decide later what his future is going to be. As for his training, Hawke can start teaching him the basics." Leila replied with a soft smile.

"If you are intent on this, then I can teach the boy." Wynne sighed with a small smile.

"You don't have to do that. You have done so much already. I..." Leila began but Wynne placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"I have been tutoring for many years. I will not lay motionless in a bed waiting for death to claim me. And until it does, I intend to occupy myself. Helping the clinic and this young man, is worthy of my time." Wynne smiled.

"Thank you." Leila smiled softly.

Leila trusted Hawke, but the thought of bloodmagic still made her skin crawl. She was not sure if she was even bias to it anymore. Anders' view of it and what it had the potential of doing, had greatly influenced her opinion of it.

"But he will still be a danger. There are no templars here should something terrible happen and he is very vulnerable." Wynne said seriously.

"I know. Follow me." Leila replied and gestured into her study.

She opened the vault and from one of the chests she pulled out a plain chocker necklace. It was made of metal and black, but had runes carved into it underneath. Leila handed it to Wynne who could feel something magical from it. Wynne looked at Leila confused.

"What is this?" Wynne asked seriously.

"Hawke had that made for me. I realised what you just told me long ago. That mage children are dangerous without meaning to be, but I do not believe it right to strip them of their childhood for that reason alone. I assume you know what a Sarabass collar is?" Leila explained closing the vault.

"It is what the Qunari use to contain the magic of their mages. I have heard of them, but from the description they are much larger." Wynne replied.

"Yes, that is because that isn't one. I had Hawke use the knowledge of the Sarabass collar and combine it with runes preventing demonology. That chocker can be placed around the mages neck and prevent them from using their magic and in the case they are possessed it will leave the demon paralyzed." Leila explained.

"And then other mages could pursue the demon in the fade and slay it... This would make tranquillity unnecessary... Have you told the Divine of this?" Wynne said almost enthusiastic, but Leila's face turned grim.

"No, because I do not trust the Chantry and templars to use it responsibly. That collar could very quickly be modified to work as the Qunari one does or mind control. Control rods could even be created for it. I could unwillingly be spreading Qunari customs or worse..." Leila said solemnly.

"You are more cautious than I thought." Wynne said almost impressed, before continuing.

"But this is not your choice to make. You should show some faith." Wynne implored a little sternly.

"Hawke is still working on this. Hopefully he will find one that is not as easily manipulated and **then **I will make an agreement with the circle." Leila said firmly.

"I understand. And you want to place this around Toby's neck. What is to prevent him for removing it?" Wynne asked.

"A mage can magically seal it with any spell. It can be removed by that same spell. The spell will be imprinted into it and only it can lock and unlock it. I wanted to wait for Anders to do it, but..." Leila said sadly.

"I can make it a healing spell... of a sort..." Wynne replied.

"Of a sort?" Leila raised an eyebrow.

"Come and sit down, my dear." Wynne suggested and pointed to a chair.  
Leila did as she asked and looked at the elderly woman with great interest.

"There was another reason than your clinic, which made Elissa sent me to Kirkwall. She told me about Anders and the spirit Justice." Wynne smiled softly.

"Elissa... betrayed Anders?" Leila asked with a fearful expression.

"Calm yourself. I don't see him as an abomination. You see, I am possessed by a spirit of Faith." Wynne smiled and for a moment made the spirits presence known.

"I was hoping that I might be able to offer Anders some guidance, when he returned. But in relation to the necklace I can imprint that connection into it and only Anders and I can remove it." Wynne continued.

Leila smiled brightly and hugged Wynne who chuckled. Wynne pulled away and looked at Leila carefully.

"You are afraid Maia might be a mage. That is why you had that collar made." Wynne said knowingly.

"Yes... magic seems to be a very strong part of her heritage." Leila replied simply.

"Yes, the Amell line has been known for its magic." Wynne nodded.

Leila was relieved by this assumption. One less reason for people to suspect the truth, that Anders was Maia's biological father. They walked into the bedroom and saw Toby had dressed himself and was now sitting in front of the fire and eating the supper brought up for him. Wynne informed him she was going to tutor him and that he needed to wear the collar. She sealed it with a familiar blue glow Leila had only ever seen Justice emanate. Wynne said goodnight and Leila tucked Maia in for the night. Leila then walked back into her bedroom, where Toby had finished eating.

"Are you ready for bed?" Leila smiled softly.

He looked almost panicked for a moment and crouched while pulling his legs close to him. He didn't say a word, but just trembled. Leila walked over to him and kneeled in front of him.

"You are afraid of the dark." Leila said softly and Toby nodded.

"Would you like to sleep next to me? It's a big bed and we can even have Ebony join us." Leila said softly and Ebony gave a happy bark in responds.

Toby nodded and placed his arms around Leila's neck. She carried him to bed and blew out the candles, only letting the fireplace being lit. Ebony jumped up and placed himself at the foot of the bed. Leila crawled into bed next to Toby and for a few minutes they said nothing.

"Sorry I'm not very brave." He muttered quietly.

"Why do you think that you are not?" Leila asked in a sweet voice.

"I got sick on the ship and I don't like the dark." He said in a sad voice.

Leila looked at him and stroked his hair. He shyly met her eyes.

"You know, my husband doesn't like the dark either and he is claustrophobic." She smiled.

"What is that?" He asked suddenly curious.

"It means that he doesn't like small rooms. And you know what. He is both a mage and a Grey warden." She said kindly.

"He is afraid... a coward?" Toby asked confused.

"No, he is not a coward. He is the bravest man I know. You see being afraid is not what makes us a coward. We are brave when we face what we fear. Like remaining calm and quiet in the dark even though we are afraid of it. So you see, you are a very brave boy." She said sweetly.

Toby smiled brightly and Leila felt her heart swell. She kissed his forehead and soon he drifted off to sleep. Leila smiled to herself again remembering the conversation she had with Anders.

_"Who knows, I might come across a little Anders some day."_

She was certain Anders was going to approve of Toby. She was less certain about the collar.


	80. Chapter 80 Beacon

**Beacon**

They had found the bloodmage in Val Royeux. They knew where their target was, but what should they do with him? Killing him would merely ensure he would possess someone else. Most likely one of the wardens and they could not let that happen. Anders, Nathaniel and Albert were at the White Spire and going through everything they could find on demonic possession.

Anders could feel Justice just below the surface constantly and he was increasingly worried about losing control. Not only because he was afraid he could not keep the vengeance plaguing them both in check, but mostly because a part of him didn't want to hold back. He wanted to tear the limbs of the templars and free the mages oppressed there. It was the same argument here like everywhere else. Kirkwall was inspiring the other mages to rebel, because it made the mages ask for more freedoms and demanding change. Something most Knight-commanders were not willing to offer them. Support of the Divine or not. It was also creating a rift between the Divine and the templars. The path of the Chantry and the templars were no longer one and the same. And this even though, the Chantry had monopoly on the lyrium trade. The one thing that had given the Chantry control over its templars. Leila had once said that she believed the templars were just as likely to rebel as the mages. This was the proof that her words were true. Anders felt sorry for Leila. She once said that she was usually right, when she didn't want to be. A statement that he truly wished that was wrong. She had tried so hard to find a way to resolve this peacefully and though this seemed to have been the case in Kirkwall, the rest of Thedas was another matter. The mages were still crying for justice and it was Anders' duty to answer that call. His heart ached at the realisation that he would not be able to be the husband and father he so desperately wanted to be. After this assignment he would return to Leila's side, but it was doubtful that it would be permanently. The mages needed him and Maia needed a father that could create a future for her.

Trying to distract himself from these dire thoughts he let himself be consumed by the work before him. They needed to trap Coryphaeus' soul, but that usually took bloodmagic. Anders shuddered at the thought. With the wardens everything was allowed in order to protect people from the Darkspawn. He then remembered something Elissa had once told him about the Arch Demon. He had once overheard her and Alistair arguing about a woman named Morrigan and a child. Elissa had made him swear never to mention it and in return she shared the darkest of her secrets. The sacrifice that she had made for love. Anders had understood it, but Justice had his faith shaken in his former commander and current Queen.

_Anders had only just been made a warden and the initial food cravings were still driving his stomach to growl almost constantly. After two hours of lying hungry in his bed he finally decided to get out of bed and raid the larder. He was certain that Elissa would understand, the grumpy old cook was another matter. He walked down the halls and was on his way past Elissa's office when he heard noises coming from it. He knew the King was visiting her, so he first assumed they were engaged in some romantic activities. Trying to walk past quietly, not to disturb the married couple, the door suddenly opened. In panic Anders hid in one of the large window cells, praying to the Maker that they didn't see him. Alistair took a few angry steps out the door, with Elissa right behind him trying to calm him._

_"She doesn't want to be followed, love. We will have to trust her." Elissa said calmly._

_"Trust Morrigan? She has the only heir to the throne, we can't risk trusting her." Alistair snapped._

_"If she wanted the throne she would have gone about it differently." Elissa sighed._

_"And that is supposed to make me feel better?" Alistair laughed angrily._

_"Do you regret it? Saving me... saving us?" Elissa asked a little hesitantly._  
_Alistair watched her closely before pulling her close and kissing her._

_"No, I will never regret that. I am sorry, I just worry about what that ritual will cost. It will ease my mind when we finally get a child of our own... if we do." Alistair sighed kissing her head._

_She smiled up at him._

_"I know of a way. Morrigan gave me part of the ritual, but I need someone to look it over." Elissa smiled._

_"She gave it to you?" Alistair asked obviously surprised._

_"Yes. She was my friend and I asked her for a favour." Elissa kissed him softly._

_"Yes, I never understood that. Never mind. I'll go to bed. Are you coming darling wife?" He asked her sweetly while nibbling her neck._

_"I'll be up in a few minutes." She smiled and he gave a dramatic sigh before kissing her and walking away._

_"You can come out now, Anders." She said knowingly, when Alistair was out of range._  
_She turned and looked directly at him, as Anders emerged from the shadows feeling like nothing short of an apprentice trying to sneak into the phylactery repository. She gestured him to follow into her office and she closed the door behind him._

_"I am sorry Commander, I didn't mean to..." He tried but she held up a hand to silence him._

_"I have something for you." She said seriously and walked to her desk._  
_She opened it and pulled out a small vial of blood handing it to Anders._

_"Is this my... phylactery?" Anders asked dumbfounded._

_"Yes, I promised to help you retrieve it. Since the cache in Amaranthine was fake, I had to find another way to do it." She smiled._

_"I don't... how?" He asked completely unable to form a full sentence._

_"I have a friend in the Chantry with a colourful past. Her and another rogue I met during the blight got it for me. It is useful to have those kinds of friends in my position." Elissa chuckled._

_Anders stood up and forgot all about courtesy, as he pulled her in for a big embrace and thanked her over and over. He had been a little smitten with her since she tried to help him find his phylactery in Amaranthine. Now he believed he could fall in love with her, if not for the fact she was married to the King who also happened to be trained as a templar. He pulled away and threw the phylactery into the fire where it shattered._

_"Thank you." He said again with a bright smile that had Elissa chuckling._

_"You are welcome. Now that I have done this for you, I trust that I can entrust something to you and it will never leave you lips." She said deadly serious._

_"You have my word, Commander." Anders swore._

_"Normally when an Arch Demon is defeated they slayer of it dies with it. I trust you know this." Elissa began and looked at him._

_"Yes I have read about it in detail. It can only be done by a warden and the only one ever to survive is you." He replied sitting down and looking intently at her as she sat down across the desk._

_"Yes and it has something to do with the argument you just heard. You see we were only three wardens left in Ferelden, the chances of all three of us reaching the Arch Demon was very low. And only Alistair and I made it that far. The night before the battle my friend Morrigan, who was an apostate, told me she had a ritual that would ensure that no warden needed to be sacrificed." She began explaining._

_"Amazing. It sounds almost too good to be true." Anders responded with great interest._

_"It almost was. You see it involved creating a child with the taint. When the Arch Demon was slain the taint in the child called for the Arch Demons soul, rather than the taint in the warden, that was why I survived." She explained, but from the look on her face Anders could tell that there was more._

_"What happened to the child?" He asked and for a moment saw worry and shame cross Elissa's face._

_"The child would be born with the soul of the old God. But that is not the only thing. The child is Alistair's and though I trust Morrigan, he never did." She said a little sadly._

_"Oh... I see... You agreed to it to save your lives then." He concluded._

_"Yes, but that was not the only reason. If anyone but a warden slays the Arch Demon, its soul will just transfer into another Darkspawn, but with this ritual anyone could kill it. So if none of the wardens made it, the creature could still be killed and Ferelden saved. I couldn't take the chance." She said, with sudden confidence that it was the right decision._

_"I understand... I will take it with me to my certainly early grave, but why tell me?" He asked._

_She could as easily have spun some sort of lie. He had heard so little of their conversation._

_"Because I want to conceive a child using the ritual, but it is a bit more complicated when both parents carry the taint. Only a spirit healer can modify the ritual. I only know two spirit healers who I trust and if Wynne ever found out what I did, she would have my head. Queen or not." She chuckled a little sadly and handed him the ritual._  
_He took his time reading trough it. He then looked up at her._

_"I think I can do it, but even if I do this it might take many attempts before it will work." He explained._

_"I understand. Thank you Anders." Elissa smiled._

As the memory flashed through his mind, Anders got an idea. He searched through the books and Albert looked at him as if he had lost it.

"Easy, you'll ruin the books." Albert objected, but Anders didn't notice.

"Here it is!" Anders exclaimed almost happily.

"Anders, what have you found?" Nathaniel asked getting up from his chair.

"The red lyrium can contain souls. If we infect it with some of the taint then I believe we can transfer Coryphaeus soul to it rather than one of us." Anders said almost happily.

"That's wonderful!" Nathaniel exclaimed.

"Well that's good, but where do we get the red lyrium?" Albert asked and Nathaniel sighed in disappointment.

Anders shifted a little uncomfortable.

"I... might have some." He said a little embarrassed.

"You have some?" Albert asked raising both eyebrows.

"Yes... I took some before blowing it up at the mage camp in Nevarra." Anders explained a little shameful.

"Why?" Nathaniel asked.

"Justice." Anders replied vaguely.

"Oh... of course. And he used to nag me about being a thief." Nathaniel smirked.

"Who are you talking about?" Albert asked a little annoyed.

"Warden secrets, I'm afraid." Nathaniel replied receiving a grateful smile from Anders and an irritated groan from Albert.

"We have no time to waste. We need to prepare this, but not here." Anders stated and the others nodded.

* * *

** Kirkwall**

A month had passed since Toby was taken in by Leila. She had not assumed that the arrangement would be permanent at first, but she had become very fond of the boy. She had still to offer him to stay with her and adopt him, but she wanted to make sure he would be happy with her. So far the chocker seemed to be working and Leila made sure it was always hidden under Toby's clothes. When Toby had asked what it was for she had just said it was to protect him. Which was true. Leila had kept a close eye on Maia, but at only two years old it would be years before her magical talent would show. Hopefully Anders would be back by then. After over a year of not hearing from him, she suddenly received almost twenty letters at once. Leila sighed with relieve as this meant he had returned to the surface. All of them said how much he loved and missed her and Maia, but the newer the date the more desperate the letters became. She suddenly saw phrases that were commonly used by Justice and not Anders. With each letter the spirit became more and more present and Leila guessed that Anders was losing control of him. If the lost themselves to vengeance again there was no telling what they would do. This time she wasn't there to remind them that they were not alone and there were other ways to achieve their goals. But in his absence, after facing so much of her own, even Leila herself had begun to doubt it. She had tried to change so many things and it all seemed to be for nothing. At least should Anders return, he would see that the lives of mages were changing. There was some progress.

She was in her quarters that night. It was getting colder and winter was coming. It was rare that it snowed in this part of the Freemarches, but it had been known to happen. It didn't yet, but if it kept getting colder then it just might. Leila missed the snow. She hadn't seen any since coming to Thedas. The way it covered everything, making it look sparkling, clean and heavenly. The sound of the snow creaking under her boots and the cold air on her face. She found herself begging that this winter would bring snow and that it would bring Anders back. She looked over the gardens and looked up at the clear night sky, were the moon and stars were shining bright as a layer of frost was hanging in the air. Then she noticed a shadow. She turned to Toby and Maia who was drawing. Fear rushed through her. Without Anders she had become increasingly paranoid. This had made her train harder with both Isabella and Varric, but she still feared that she was not good enough. She had plenty of guards, but the truth was that she didn't feel safe without Anders. She pulled the curtains and opened a secret passage way, which was nothing but a small hatch in the wall.

"Toby, we are going to play a game. I want you to take Maia and Ebony and crawl through this hatch." She explained and gestured Toby to come closer to her.

Toby picked up Maia and walked towards her with Ebony right behind him. Leila tried not to show her worry and wanted to make this nothing but a game. Ebony however understood and nudged Toby gently from behind towards the door. Toby looked into the dark passageway.

"It's so dark." He said with tears in his eyes, which made Leila's heart break.

"You are brave remember and Ebony is with you. Nothing is going to happen, I promise." She smiled and kissed his forehead.

Reluctantly the little boy crawled inside barely able to carry Maia. Ebony was the last to enter and looked at his mistress with a whine.

"No boy. Protect them and take them to Aveline." Leila instructed and the dog gave a nod.

She closed the door with a small smile on her face. She was grateful that the mabari mix had imprinted on her and was so smart. She opened the drawer and pulled out a dagger. She quickly blew out all the candles and rearranged the bed making it look like someone was sleeping in it and then she hid behind the large curtains. For minutes she waited and she began to believe she had gone mad. Anders had always been the paranoid one and she had feared that it would have rubbed off on her. She had never suspected that his absence would cause it. Suddenly she heard the balcony door open and in the moonlight she saw someone in a guard uniform enter. Clever way to get into the keep unnoticed, but coming through that door, Leila knew it was not one of her guards. She was tempted to sneak up behind the intruder, but with that much armour it would be difficult to do anything with the dagger. To her luck the person removed the helmet and with stealth, that would have made Isabella proud, Leila snuck up behind him and pressed the dagger to his throat. He turned around, her dagger grazed his throat and he began to struggle. He pushed her back into the fireplace and a pain went from the middle of her back up her spine leaving a ringing in her ears. Her hands were placed against the wall and she could feel the dagger slipping from her grip. She wanted to kick and punch him, but he was covered in the guard armour. The only thing exposed was his face. The fury burning in her veins and the instinct of survival filled her with something feral and predatorily. She bit his cheek hard and could taste his blood as he screamed. The more he moved the harder she bit, tarring off a bit of flesh, when he finally managed to pull away. She jumped forward making him fall back onto the floor. He reached up to strangle her, but she managed to catch one of his arms and push it down on the floor. She raised the dagger and as hard as she could, stabbed it through his hand and into the floor. The man screamed in agony, but at this moment her normal sensitive nature was gone and along with it any compassion she might have felt for him. At this moment she felt nothing but her fury and was even oblivious even to her own pain. To prevent him from removing the dagger she put her knee of his other arm and applied her full bodyweight. She didn't realise how hard she did it until she heard a cracking sound and the man screamed again. Pity and compassion still eluted her, as she was clouded by fumes of fury that came from herself alone. Knowing his arms did not work she straddled him and punched him, making him spit out blood.

"Who are you?!" She demanded in a feral cry.

"I thought the Vicountess of Kirkwall was supposed to be smart, but what can you expect from a robe-lover." He grinned, he too only feeling the anger which fuelled him.

She wanted to wipe the smug grin of his face, but she knew anger would get her nowhere. He was hoping for it. She leaned forward and in a deadly growl with a sinister grin on her face began:

"You threatened my children and I'll let you know that a mother would do anything to protect them." She warned.

"There will be no place for your children next to the Maker. You deny and defy him. There will only be death before the righteous for them and your malificars." He growled back.  
She looked over at the tools used for the fire and grabbed one of them. She lifted it up and held it close to his eye.

"Listen to me. You tell me everything I want to know or I will make the Void seem like the Golden City. First I will remove your eyes one at a time. Then I will break each of your fingers and rip your fingernails of one at a time. Then I will take nails and hammer one through each of your toes, unless you tell me everything you know. NOW!" She growled.

Suddenly everything didn't seem distant anymore as her own words ringed in the room. She realised the words and looked down at the man before her, bleeding and broken. In a panic she got of him and backed away. She rubbed her neck and felt the warm liquid. The red life essence her hand was covered in and at this moment she was unsure if it was his or hers. She felt the throbbing pain in her neck and everything was spinning as she fell to the ground. She looked at the man mutilated before her. One arm broken, then other speared by a dagger, her dagger, and spewing blood. She could then taste his blood in her mouth.

"What have I done?" She whispered terrified of herself.

For a fraction of a second she wondered if this was it what like for Anders, when vengeance overcame Justice. For Fenris, when the demonic remnants of Danarius' voice flooded his mind. The door burst open and in came several guards with Aveline in front. The guard, Brennan threw a torch into the fireplace and lit up the room and looked down on the man on the ground.

"Wow... I guess your training really paid off, your Excellency." Brennan said as if impressed.

"Take this man to the dungeons and start to try and find out what he knows." Aveline ordered.

"Get him a healer as well." Leila said surprisingly calm even as she felt every bone in her body shaking.

Aveline walked towards Leila and she looked up at her. Her gaze was haunted and terrified, but Aveline knew it was not of the man lying on the ground. Aveline kneeled down and looked at Leila.

"Get the healer Wynne in here to take a look at the Viscountess." Aveline ordered.  
The guards left the room and Aveline helped Leila up to sit on the bed.

"We do whatever we have to in order to protect our family and friends. Maia and Toby are with Donnic. You did good." Aveline smiled and sat down next to her on the bed.

"I threatened to torture him." She said barely over a whisper and felt Aveline's hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, but you would never have done it." Aveline replied with confidence.

"If only I could be that sure myself." Leila breathed as her body was trembling.

* * *

**Orlais**

They were running through the Chantry courtyard in Val Royeaux as the dragons flew over them. Someone was trying to kill the Divine and it had some connection to the bloodmages Anders, Nathaniel, Albert and Carver had been hunting. Anders kept one hand on his satchel that contained the tainted red lyrium, praying that it was strong enough to hold the essence of Coryphaeus and would not possess one of them instead.

"**The roof!**" Carver shouted and pointed up.

They looked as a dragon crashed onto the roof. They ran inside and up the stairs that seemed unending. Albert stopped to catch his breath and saw the wardens continuing up the stairs. Albert was fit and strong, but compared to the wardens' stamina he might as well be several hundred pounds overweight.

"Blighted wardens..." He muttered under his breath and followed them.

The finally reached the top and saw several mages and the seeker named Cassandra coming face to face with a pride demon. Anders could fell the taint in its blood. That was Coryphaeus. Anders threw a paralysing glyph on the floor and pulled out the lyrium. Shades appeared everywhere and Carver, Nathaniel and Albert charged them. One of the creature clawed Albert's face and Anders could hear his brother's agonizing cry. He was about to heal him, when Nathaniel stopped him.

"**Anders, focus on your task!**" Nathaniel ordered.

Cassandra jumped unto the pride demons chest and impaled its head with her dagger. Anders felt the taint searing through the air, as he could hear the faint whispers of Coryphaeus in his head. The lyrium started glowing as Anders began chanting the enchantment meant to bind Coryphaeus. He could hear Coryphaeus' voice so clearly and Justice threatened to take over. But as Justice penetrated the surface of Anders' consciousness he was confused by the singing of the lyrium. Such beautiful singing, which intoxicated the spirit. The voice got louder and he could feel a burning sensation all over his skin and his mind getting dizzy. It felt the same as when he merged with Justice. Could Coryphaeus possess him even as he was possessed by Justice? What would happen if Coryphaeus gained the spirits power? Darkness surrounded spirit and man, as they lost themselves in oblivion.


	81. Chapter 81 Resolve

**Resolve**

It was getting colder. Hawke hadn't felt an autumn this cold since he lived in Ferelden and the winter would undoubtedly bring snow. In his seven years in Kirkwall it had only snowed twice. He tightened his cloak around him as the wind howled. He heard the sound of teeth beating together in a drumming rhythm and looked down at his lover walking beside him. He lifted his cloak momentarily exposing himself to the coldness of the wind and pulled Merrill against him. Under his cloak she wrapped her arms around him as they walked. It was awkward walking like that, but pleasant in its own right. The nobles that had braved the weather, instead of sending their servants, gave them looks of disapproval. It was common knowledge that the Champion was with an elf and it was just as commonly frowned upon. More so than the fact that the Viscountess had married a mage. So much racism and hostility still, all because of ideals that had been created by the Chantry. Would the world ever get wiser? As if knowing his thoughts Merrill leaned her head against his chest.

"I love you." She said sweetly.

"I love you too." He replied and kissed her softly.

They walked into the keep and Hawke gave a sigh of relief feeling the comfort of the warmth inside. Merrill got out from under his coat and the nobles gave a short glance. The nobles at the keep were used to seeing the champion with his elven lover. Not approved by them, but they merely ignored it. Leila had one day in her annoyance vowed that she would flee into the mountains and live there alone like a hermit. Hawke had laughed at the time, but sometimes the idea was tempting. Disapproving eyes were everywhere and it was exhausting. They walked to Aveline's office and found that the door was open. They walked inside, where Aveline greeted them and asked Hawke to close the door.

"So Guard-Captain, what seems to be the problem? Let me guess, the rats in darktown have raided Hightown and stolen all the cheese from Orlais?" Hawke grinned.

"They wouldn't really do that, would they?" Merrill asked looking at Hawke.

Aveline just shook her head in mild annoyance, which what not unusual, but Hawke got the feeling that something else was going on.

"What has happened?" He asked serious then.

"Last night a templar hunter snuck into the keep in a guard uniform. He attacked Leila and had she not reacted as quickly as she did he would have succeeded in killing her." Aveline said seriously.

"Was it one of Kirkwalls templars?" He asked worried.

"No, Cullen says that it wasn't one of his and I believe him. The templars in Kirkwall have sworn loyalty to Leila and the rest are long gone. This templar had an Orlisian accent. Things are getting worse." Aveline replied.

"But I don't understand. Leila does so much for everyone. She is a good person. Why would they harm her?" Merrill said with great worry.

"People don't always agree on what the right thing is. How is she?" Hawke explained.

"She is well enough. She handled it surprisingly well. She beat him as if she had been a feral mabari. It took the healer over an hour to make him look human again." Aveline smiled a little proudly.

"Our Leila?" Hawke asked with disbelief and Aveline nodded.

"She has become a strong and resourceful woman in most aspects, but I think you should talk to her all the same." Aveline suggested.

Hawke and Merrill nodded and walked out the room. They walked through the keep and to the private section of it. They looked out into the garden were Toby was playing with Ebony while Leila was sitting on a bench with Maia.

"She seems so lonely." Merrill noted looking at Leila.

"Yes she does." Hawke agreed with a sad sigh.

"How can she seem so strong and so soft at the same time?" Merill then asked and Hawke couldn't help but smile.

"You should look in another mirror sometime, my love. Then you will see someone who fits that description perfectly." He said lovingly and kissed the top of her head.

"What? Who?... oh, you mean me..." She gave a bright smile and kissed him.

They walked into the garden. At the sight of Hawke and Merrill Maia jumped of her mother's lap and ran towards them. Hawke picked her up and twirled her around making the little girl giggle. Toby also ran over and greeted them both. The boy's hesitations had lessened since he discovered that Hawke was in love with an elf and that Leila considered her a friend. Leila stood up and smiled brightly, but the sadness never left her. Hawke put down Maia.

"Come." Maia smiled grabbing Merrill's hand.

"Oh, should we go have a look at the fish in the pond?" Merrill said with an excitement that only she could muster.

"Yes, there is this big one!" Toby said with enthusiasm and took Merrill's other hand.  
Leila walked over and gave Hawke a hug, before turning and looking after Merrill.

"It suits her." Leila smiled.

"Yes it does..." Hawke sighed almost longingly.

Leila smiled knowingly, but didn't mention it.

"Have you decided if you want to keep Toby?" He asked.

"Yes, I have decided I am going to take the risk. He needs a home and someone who will love him. And I need to love and take care of him and Maia." She replied.

"Anders will love him." Hawke smiled and put his arm around her shoulders.

"I know..." She smiled and closed her eyes taking a deep breath.

Not once had Hawke seen her cry for the man she loved. She had locked her heart away and it was only at times like these were that her emotions were getting closer to the surface. She seemed as isolated as she had in the beginning, but this time she wasn't unsure or frightened.

"I heard you beat up an intruder last night." He smiled a little proudly and she gave a small sound, like an amused huff.

"Yes. I guess my training has paid off, but it worries me it was necessary... Garrett, I'm afraid of the person I'm becoming." She confessed.

Hawke turned her and held both hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes.

"He will be back." Hawke swore and Leila nodded before closing her eyes.

* * *

**Orlais**

Anders had never felt this sick in his life. His head was spinning, he was nauseous and throwing up constantly. He skin was burning like as if sunburned and he had a fever. His eyes were swollen and watering constantly. He could feel Justice gaining and releasing control as if the spirit was drifting in and out of consciousness. The burning fury that normally accompanied the spirit wasn't present, but fear and confusion seemed to be dominating him. To calm himself he tried desperately to hold on to any pleasant memory his mind contained. Anything to forget the pain.

_Anders had not lived in the Amell estate for long and it had only been a few days since the incident at the Gallows, where he had almost killed Ella, the young mage girl, in blind rage. He was sitting at the desk and had hardly spoken more than two words to Leila for days, convinced that he was dangerous. He kept going over his manifesto again and again. He had proven himself to be an abomination and maybe the templars were right to lock them up. Everything he was certain of only a few days before seemed to be covered in obscurity and hopelessness. He closed his eyes and rested his face in his hands. He was so deep in his own mellow thoughts he did not notice Leila, until her hands were resting on his shoulders and he felt her lips softly pressed against his neck._

_"I love you." She said softly._

_"You shouldn't. You should stay away from me. I am a danger to everyone around me." He sighed hopelessly._

_"That's not true. You are a saviour to most around you and there are still a lot of people who need you. Who want you to help them. I know you are a good man, who can do great things." She said lovingly as she pressed another kiss against his neck._

_"And that gives me hope. You follow your convictions. When you still believed in me even after I almost killed that poor girl, I know that you meant it. You wouldn't say it just to make me feel better. You make me think I can really do this, lead a revolution." He smiled almost brightly as he turned to face her._

_"I wasn't aware you were trying to overturn things violently." She replied a little worried._

_"No small change would address the injustice mages face. The Chantry itself must be overturned. There will always be mages born in Thedas, but templars are made by men... and can be unmade." He replied passionately._

_Leila nodded and sat down in his lap. She smiled softly at him and stroked his cheek and he leaned into her touch._

_"I have always believed that religion and politics should be separate. I think Elthina also believes this in her own way. I believe that all should have equal rights and the freedom to speak their minds. Why can't they see that there has to be a better way and that the methods they use are obsolete?" She sighed and kissed his cheek._

_"It has been indoctrinated into everyone by the Chantry for centuries. Ordinary people and mages alike. In the circle they tell you day and night that magic is sin. A mark of the Makers hatred. But for all their talk of demons, the most common death I saw for a mage was suicide." He replied wistfully._

_"And you wonder why I don't practice any religion." She chuckled a little sadly in reply._  
_She gently ran her fingers trough the stray hairs along his face and looked into his warm eyes._

_"We will find people who will listen. I will not stop until I find someone who will." She smiled softly and he looked at her with adoration._

_"Sometimes I fear I cannot do this, when I struggle against this vengeance inside me. But I know you will not let me lose myself to him." He smiled a little sadly and she kissed him softly._

_Suddenly she looked at him, as if she was considering something. She walked over to her chest and took out her cell-phone and turned it on, while walking towards him._

_"There is a song that reminds me of you, but it is very different to anything you have ever heard. It is one of my favourites and this device can play it. Like what I showed you of my mother." She explained._

_"Are you sure you want to do this? I know every time you use it won't last as long." He replied a little hesitantly._

_"It's alright. I want you to hear it." She smiled and placed the device on the desk._

_She pressed her finger on the screen and leaned against the desk. When the words began to sound from the phone she whispered the lyrics._

_"Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel_  
_Sun in the sky, you know how I feel_  
_Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel_  
_It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me._  
_Yeah, it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, ooooooooh..._  
_And I'm feelin' good." She whispered softly, they words caressed her tongue and lips. Words whispered lovingly, almost seductively and passionately, as she avoided his gaze._

_As the music began she stood up and smiled softly at him. She reached for his hands and pulled him to stand and to the middle of the floor. She placed one of his hands on her waist and took then other in hers, while her left hand rested on his shoulder. Slowly she took steps from side to side, making him follow the swaying movements. She smiled up at him a little shyly, as he listened to the music that was unlike anything he had ever heard. She let go of his shoulder and left his embrace, as she stretched her and his arm. She twirled towards him, his arm curling around her waist and when in his embrace, she took his other arm letting herself twirl away again. She pulled herself towards him, letting go of his hand and twirling towards him and into his embrace. He chuckled at this movement, which also was unlike what was normal in Thedas. She looked up at him again as she whispered part of the lyrics._

_"And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me."_

_They swayed for a little while before she took both his hands and pushed herself away only to pull herself close to him again. He chuckled a little again and did his best to follow her as the lyrics caressed his ears. She twirled again and found herself in his embrace. He held her tightly as she looked up at him with a shy smile again whispering the words._

_"Freedom is mine, and I know how I feel."_

_Her hands travelled up his chest and she locked her arms around his neck as he lowered his lips to hers, drinking in the hope she was giving him._

A surge of pain in his head tore him from his memory. The blood was pumping through his veins in a speed that gave a drumming sensation in his ears, making the voices in the distance difficult to hear. He felt a vial being pressed to his lips and a liquid was poured down his throat. His hearing improved, but he still had trouble placing the voices to the faces he knew they should belong to.

"Why do you even bother? The man is an abomination!" A man hissed with anger.

"This abomination saved my life and is a trusted ally of my brother! Touch him and I will end you!" Another man said angrily.

"How can you stand up for him? You are trained as a templar!" The first man hissed back.

"He is your brother! Your family! It shouldn't matter to you what he is." The second scolded.

In the back of his mind Anders began recognizing the voices to be Carver's and Albert's. A strange twist of fate, that Carver would stand up for him, when his own brother saw him as nothing but a monster.

"He isn't possessed by a demon, but a spirit of Justice. Justice was a trusted ally and both have saved my life beyond counting. The man that you are so intent on hurting, did something truly brave and considerate and he doesn't deserve your scrutiny." A third man said firmly.

"How can you say that so calmly? What he did is an offense to the Maker!" Albert insisted.

"I was the one who suggested that they merge." The third man replied.

The last was Nathaniel then. It was Nathaniel who had first suggested to Justice that he should merge with another person. It was well intended idea, but it pained Anders that the spirit had chosen his host so poorly.

"Look, I have lost almost everyone in my family as have you and Anders. For as long as you have known him he has been like this. You have seen with your own eyes what and who he is. Why should it matter now?" Carver asked.

He heard Albert give a tired sigh, like he was giving into to Carver's reasoning.

"Does his wife know?" Albert then asked.

"She always knew and from what I have seen she loves them both. Anders and Justice." Carver replied.

He heard steps taken towards him and felt a presence of someone hovering over him.

"You can heal?" Nathaniel asked surprised.

"Only minor healing spells. It was useful in the army, but I am not nearly as talented as my... brother." Albert replied.

"Will he make it?" Carver asked almost concerned.

"I didn't think you cared for him."Nathaniel replied.

"He is a surly, annoying, preaching bastard, but he saved my life and gave me my rightful place among the wardens. And my cousin loves him and my brother sees him as family. He doesn't deserve to die." Carver replied.

"It is difficult to tell. Lyrium poisoning can leave extensive damage, but the spirit in him seems to make him more resistant." Albert replied.

"Would you three stop talking so loud?" Anders groaned, slowly opening his eyes even as his head was pounding.

"Anders! About time you woke up." Nathaniel chuckled.

"So you say. What happened?" Anders asked, raising his own hand to his head, the healing spell dulling his pain.

"You managed to trap Coryphaeus in the lyrium, but since it was unrefined you got lyrium poisoning. The lyrium is now contained inside a box that should prevent it from poisoning any of us, but we have no idea of knowing how long it will hold Coryphaeus." Albert explained.

"And the Divine?" Anders then asked.

"She is fine. But it seems that both mages, templars and chantry priests wants her dead now. We are heading towards dark times." Nathaniel sighed.

"Yes. Leave it to everyone else to whine about smaller things, not knowing what is really at stake." Carver grumbled.

"Is it wrong that some of us want a world worth saving?" Anders replied, picking up Carver's subtle hint about the mage rebellion.

"The end of the world ranks a little higher than your whining. But do go on and on..." Carver sighed with a subtle smirk.

"Alright, that's enough you two. Anders as soon as you are well enough to travel we will have to return to Weisshaupt Fortress." Nathaniel said a little firmly.

"Yes ser." Anders replied with mock obedience.

"He is better already." Carver grinned.

Nathaniel gave Anders a pat on his shoulder and walked out the door. Anders looked at Albert who was watching him closely. He could see the resentment and fear in his brother's eyes, but rather than feeling resentful he was grateful that Leila had never looked at him like that. And soon he would be back at her side.

"About Justice..." Anders began, but Albert held up a hand to stop him.

"I don't want to hear it and I don't want to know. You are my brother and Carver reminded me that is what is important. So let us never speak of it, but if I ever see that you are suffering I will put you out of a misery." Albert replied firmly.

Anders wanted to make a statement about referring to him as if he was an animal that should be euthanized, but decided against it. Perhaps some of Leila's restraint had rubbed off on him. So instead he simply replied.

"I understand."

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-  
The song mentioned is "Feeling good" by Nina Simone. This chapter is merely a fill chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same._


	82. Chapter 82 Wake me

**Wake me**

The journey back to Wiesshaupt Fortress was filled with uneasiness. Not because the journey itself was troubled. Highwaymen and other bandits knew better than to attack wardens. It was one of the few benefits to wearing the amour in Anders' opinion. Anders didn't regret joining the order, but neither did he regret leaving them. It had given him opportunities, but it came with strings attached. Such as devotion to killing mindless darkspawn, crawling through endless pits filled with them, not to mention an untimely death. He and Nathaniel had been wardens for nearly a decade and Anders could already see the signs of degradation and feel the taint roaming within Nathaniel, spreading and consuming him. With luck it would still be twenty years until the calling claimed either of them. It was a heavy price to pay merely to be avoided by thugs. It was almost a shame on this journey. They could have used the distraction, as the uncomfortable part of the journey revolved around the two brothers, Anders and Albert. The tension between them since Albert found out that Anders was possessed, was almost agonizing for Nathaniel and Carver. Both of them waiting almost impatiently for when the brothers would try to kill one another. But so far not even a verbal assault had passed between them. Instead they ignored each other of communicated through icy glares. Even Carver was starting to find this behaviour ridiculous and he had been rivalling Garrett for the longest time. It got him thinking how much time he had used on silly arguments, when he and Garrett should have valued their time together. An opportunity Anders and Albert seemed all too happy to squander as well.

Carver never liked Anders very much, but in recent years he had come to suspect that it was because they complained the same amount. He still remembered with shame once where Anders had tried to offer his condolences regarding Bethany's death in an honest attempt to be nice. Carver had just snapped at him and accused him of only caring because she was a mage. Something he was clearly wrong about since Anders had married a woman that had as little magic running in her veins as a dwarf. All that time wasted on hatred and suspicion. Had things been different Carver would have been almost happy fighting along Anders side as a fellow warden. Had things been different Garrett and Carver would have been friends growing up, instead of fighting over petty nothings, Carver hardly remembered. Seeing Anders and Albert treating each other that way brought back all those shameful memories and regrets. Perhaps that was why he had stood up for Anders, when Albert had called him an abomination. Whatever the reason, it hadn't seemed to have lessened the tensions between the two.

Nearing Weisshaupt fortress the three wardens sensed the presence of darkspawn. A lot of darkspawn. Instinctively Anders opened his bag and looked down on the lyrium that now contained the spirit of Coryphaeus. It was glowing with a red burning aura and vaguely he could hear the singing of it. A mixture between the song of lyrium, only Justice could hear, and the faint whispers of Coryphaeus. They all drew their weapons and looked around desperate to find the direction the darkspawn were coming from. Despite the Anderfels barren lands, hostile environment and spares plant life, the white cliffs in the area around Weisshaupt fortress still provided some hiding places.

"What is going on?" Albert asked, uncertain why they had their weapons drawn.

"Darkspawn." Nathaniel replied and scouted the area.

"But we are far from the nearest entrance to the Deep Roads. What are they doing here?" Carver asked.

"I think Coryphaeus is calling to them even inside the lyrium. We are carrying the beacon around." Anders replied.

"That's just bloody great! I knew this was too easy." Carver said heatedly.

"I can't get a feel on their exact location. We need to get up to a higher level." Nathaniel ordered and pointed towards the cliffs.

They all began to run towards the cliffs hoping to gain the higher ground. As they ran Anders made sure to place several magic traps along the way. He could hear Coryphaeus' voice toying with his mind again and Anders was terrified of losing control to either him or Justice. Nathaniel and Carver seemed to be struggling as well, but they were only fighting one entity while Anders was trying to fight two. The adrenalin in their veins seemed to be pushing away the sound of Coryphaeus as they could see the first Darkspawn approach. Around fifty were coming towards the four men. Anders fought to maintain his focus as Justice was raging inside him, agitated and provoked by the magister darkspawn trapped in the lyrium. The song from it making Justice confused and even more eager to seize control of his host. One by one the magical traps triggered paralyzing the first waves of darkspawn allowing Anders and Albert to take them down with spells and Nathaniel rained arrows down upon them. The longer they could keep them at a distance the better. When the creatures gained some ground and got closer, Carver charged towards them hoping Anders' healing would be enough to keep him going. Keeping his focus on his healing, Anders barely felt how close Justice was to the surface and the spirit was unhindered when he finally did. Justice's ability t draw strength directly from the fade made him a powerful healer and a vigorous spell caster. Unfortunately in his frenzy he felt nothing to the limits of his body, ignoring injuries, and was a relentless and merciless killer. Pity those that he did not recognize as an ally. Had Justice bothered to look at Albert, he would have seen the fear in his eyes and realised that Albert was more terrified of him than the horde of Darkspawn coming towards them.

"**Albert! Keep firing!**" Nathaniel yelled, when he realised Albert had been frozen in place momentarily.

Albert pulled himself together and focused on the task at hand, as he rained fire down upon those trying to flank them. Carver kept receiving healing from Justice, but the spawn was about to overwhelm him. Albert drew his sword and ran down beside Carver and cut of the head of a Hurlock about to hit Carver with a crushing blow. Albert felt some blood hit his face and remembered Anders' warnings about how easy it was to get tainted by the blood. He pulled up the cloth around his neck to cover his mouth. This would at least keep the blood from entering his mouth, unless it became completely soaked. Albert's moment of lack in concentration proved almost fatal, as he was suddenly picked up by an ogre that hit him with a fist the size of his torso. His vision turned blurry and it felt as if his lungs were being crushed by his ribs. He tried to prepare himself for another hit, when he heard a feral and empowering cry. The ogre froze and Albert turned his head to see Anders radiating in a blue glow and heard the deep voice of the spirit. Justice released a surge of arcane magic and the ogre shattered. Albert fell to the ground breathing heavily and every part of his body aching to the point where he feared he would lose consciousness. He felt Anders' soothing healing magic embracing him and Albert released a strangled breath of relief. He looked at the spirit to thank it, but it was already between him and the large group of darkspawn fighting alongside Carver. It was terrifying to see with what strength and resolve Justice shattered and ripped the darkspawn apart. It was evident that the spirit felt nothing beyond its rage and yet it still managed to protect those around it.

After a few more minutes of fighting Albert could feel his mana reserves disappearing fast and feared that the others felt the same. If they did not end this soon they would be overrun and what they had accomplished so far would be for nothing. When Albert had almost given up hope he saw a large group of wardens coming from the direction of the fortress. With new resolve they charged the darkspawn and in time every last one fell. At the end of the battle Albert saw a great fireball being cast and turned to face it. In the middle of the inferno stood Justice and burned at least thirty darkspawn. Albert was in awe. He had always known that Anders was powerful, but had rarely seen him cast anything but healing magic, even in the Deep Roads. The power of the spirit combined with Anders' magic was truly astounding. When the spirit met his gaze and gave a small nod Albert almost laughed. Albert had seen a few abominations in his time. The definition was someone who had lost all control over themselves and had turned into an inhumane twisted creature. Everything of the host would have seized to exist, but this was not the case with Anders. The spirit had just saved Albert's life and he now felt that his faith had been shaken once again. Unfortunately this epiphany was not granted to the other wardens, who were starring at Justice, some frightened and others confused.

"He is an abomination!" One of the younger wardens exclaimed.

"**Insolence! Who are you who would call me thus?**" Justice roared in anger.

"Should we alert the templars?" Another one whispered.

Nathaniel walked up next to Justice and looked at him.

"Please calm down old friend. I won't let anyone turn you over to the templars." Nathaniel swore and gave the two recruits a nasty glare.

Justice looked at them with that relentless and merciless fury still burning in his eyes, but Anders managed to regain control. Anders looked shocked at Nathaniel and Carver, as if to ask if he had done anything wrong. Nathaniel put a hand on his shoulder and calmly said that it was over. The lieutenant leading the warden squadron took a few steps forward.

"We should return to Weisshaupt and report to the First Warden." The lieutenant replied while eyeing Anders carefully.

Albert looked at Anders who took a deep breath and looked as if he was about to run as fast as possible. Albert wouldn't blame him, the Maker only knew what the First Warden would have to say about Anders being an abomination. Last time some within the wardens found out they and a group of templars had tried to kill him. Kill for what he was and not for what he might have done. The same reason why mages were caged.

* * *

**Weisshaupt fortress**

Anders was pacing outside First warden Isaak's office. Since coming back he, Albert, Nathaniel and Carver had been held separate from the other wardens, as had the dozen wardens that had helped them defeat the darkspawn a few miles away. They had been told it was because of the nature of the mission they had been on, but Anders feared it had something to do with Justice. He was eager to run and escape the wardens again, but that would mean that he would never see Leila and Maia again either. Yet if the wardens decided to kill him, that wouldn't be an option either. He became nauseous as he remembered the dismantled bodies of his victims last time he escaped the wardens. A proof that he was exactly what they claimed he was... an abomination. Nathaniel was currently inside the First Warden's office and Anders was grinding his teeth so hard it was creating a headache. He felt Albert's hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at his brother, whose gaze now had nothing of the resentment that had dominated them since Orlais.

"We are going to get you out of this." Albert vowed.

Anders wanted to question his certain change of heart, but at that moment the door to the First Warden's Office opened and as Nathaniel went out Anders went in. Nathaniel gave him a friendly nod that calmed Anders a little, very little. Isaak looked as calm as ever as he pointed to the chair on the opposite site of his desk and Anders sat down, seriously doubting his ability to remain seated.

"Fine work you did in Orlais. I heard you were injured, but you look no worse for wear." Isaak commented.

"It was a close one, but it could be worse. There could have been a bunch of templars or darkspawn trying to kill me." Anders said lightly, trying to conceal his discomfort.

"It takes more than that to take out a warden of your calibre. You should know that the wardens that reported back informed me of your... condition. I am disappointed that this information came from them and not yourself." Isaak replied a little sternly.

"Experience has told me that even the taint-brigade draws the line at abominations." Anders replied bitterly, while crossing his arms.

"We do **whatever **it takes to defeat and prevent the blights. Seems a concept that some recruits are somewhat lacking in the understanding of. I have of course informed the wardens that they are under the strictest orders not to mention your situation and that it is not against the warden code." Isaak explained calmly.

"I... thank you." Anders said a little surprised.

"What you have done for us these past seventeen months has been invaluable. I want to offer you to stay here permanently and train the best mages in the order." Isaak offered with a smile.

"Thank, but I wish to resign from the order. There is no place for me among the wardens and there are others who need me more." Anders insisted.

"Think carefully, lad. I cannot protect you outside the order and should the true nature of what you are be discovered, nor your wife or the divine, will be able to protect you." Isaak said with serious concern.

"I'm aware, but some things are worth the risks." Anders replied with a certain expression.

"Then I wish you luck and remember there will always be a place waiting for you among the wardens. May the Maker watch over you." Isaak smiled and gave Anders his hand.

"The same to you First Warden." Anders smiled in return.

* * *

**Kirkwall**

It had been over a month since the attack on the Divine in Orlais and a year and a half since Anders had left Kirkwall. Now he and Albert were closing in on the city of chains. Anders had never thought he would actually be happy to return, but he was. At the same time he was a little hesitant. It had been so long and he feared that he would not recognize Maia and what his absence had meant for his family. The First Warden had been gracious enough to give him leave from the order and with the Divine's signature providing his freedom, he could finally be there for his family. For a while at least. His freedom was only valid as long as the Divine was in power and what happened in Orlais proved that things were brewing. He would get his revolution, but what that meant for the future was uncertain. All he knew was that he wanted to help his fellow mages and that his wife would stand beside him in that. He just hoped it did not mean separation from his family. His thoughts drifted to Maia again and he feared that she would not remember him, that he would be nothing than a stranger to her. As they walked through Kirkwall, however, another fear struck his heart, as the gossip of Hightown ventured through the square.

"Did you hear that the Vicountess has an elf living with her now?" One noble woman said with offense.

"Yes, it's a **disgrace!**" Another agreed with revulsion.

"Hardly unexpected since she didn't want to interfere with the Champion and his elf." A third hissed.

"I hear she even lets him sleep in her bed." The first replied with a condescending smirk and the others gave an almost patronizing giggle.

Anders' heart sank and he felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. An elf was living with her and sharing her bed. His thoughts went directly to Fenris and he could feel his blood boil. Had he really been gone for so long that she had taken comfort in the arms of the hypocritical slave? He tried to calm himself that it was probably just Hightown gossip... but he had left her. He didn't have much of a choice, but still. It had been so long since he had held her in his arms and he was longing for her almost desperately. Now more than ever. Hardly able to contain himself as longing, jealousy and passion overflowed his heart, his steps quickened. He only barely noticed Albert's good natured chuckle as he followed him through Hightown.

"You didn't tell me that you were rich." Albert noted looking around as they got closer to the keep.

"Just wait and see." Anders replied a little absentmindedly.

Anders had not told Albert that his wife was the Vicountess of Kirkwall. He wanted to get to know his brother, because blood or not he wasn't sure who he could trust. Especially after everything that had happened with Justice. Albert did seem to have come to terms with the nature of what Anders was, but those first weeks were burned into his memory. And with his wives identity, Anders only trusted a few. Albert's request to be transferred to the Kirkwall circle had been accepted and he had wanted to travel back with Anders... much to Anders' surprise. The journey had been almost pleasant and Albert had not mentioned Justice. Perhaps they could form a real relationship even if the saw the circle differently.

Anders almost ran up the stairs to the keep and a few of the nobles recognized him even in his warden robes. Anders hated the spotlight that accompanied being with Leila, but it was worth it for her and mage freedom. They walked into the keep and were greeted by seneschal Bran. The keep was filled with people walking back and forth. It was always busy, but it seemed more hectic than Anders remembered.

"Master Anders, it has been a while." Bran replied politely, but as cold and reserved as always.

"That it has. Where is she?" Anders inquired, as he felt his pulse speed up and a slight shivering sensation rushing through him.

"The Viscountess is currently in a meeting." Bran replied.

"Alright then. What is going on?" Anders asked gesturing to all the servants scattering about.

"As I am sure you are aware it is the three year anniversary of Viscountess Amell's reign." Bran said a little condescending.

"Yes of course. Well, I'll better go see her." Anders replied calmly and walked towards the stairs.

"Anders, why are seeing the Viscountess before your family?" Albert asked a little sceptical.

Before Anders could answer he looked up the stairs and Leila stood completely still watching him. She was frozen in place. Her long brown hair was braided and she was wearing a deep red dress-robe reaching to her knees, a black corset and black trousers. Her jade eyes were sparkling as her pupils dilated and her heavy breathing emphasising her bust assisted by the tights corset. She was as beautiful as he remembered and his heartbeat was almost uncontrollable, as he was at the mercy of his emotions. For a moment he forgot all about his jealousy and worries and felt nothing but his love for her. The overwhelming sensation, which made his heart swell and forcing a smile to his lips, even if he didn't want to. Only she had ever made him feel this way and for a time he had feared he had forgotten what it felt like. A bright smile formed on her lips as her eyes lit up.

"Anders!" She exclaimed happily.

She ran down the stairs and jumped into his arms claiming his lips, as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. Some of the nobles undoubtedly thought this level of emotion unbecoming for the Viscountess, but he really couldn't be bothered. He returned the kiss feverishly as his arms wrapped around her and pressed her against him. He felt her body heat sink into him and it felt as if a weight had been lifted of his shoulders. He lifted her of the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He tried hard to keep the feral groan in his throat from escaping as she deepened the kiss further. Her lips were so soft and he drank the hunger from her, as passion was overflowing within them both. Anders heard catcalls and whistles from, what he assumed, was the guards. He knew he was right, when he heard Aveline correcting them. A chuckle forced its way past his lips and onto Leila's, who smiled brightly. Still in his arms she pulled away slightly and her eyes sparkling with joy observed him, as if to make sure he really was there.

"I love you." He smiled and claimed her lips again.

"I love you too." She breathed against his lips, before pulling away again.

"If I am going to wake up in a second I am going to kill you." She smiled mischievously.

"Hardly in the door and you are already making threats?" He grinned.

"You are right. I would rather make love." She purred in a whisper against his ear, nibbling his earlobe gently.

It took all of his self-control not to sigh out loud, as a shiver of pleasure travelled down his back and her whisper made his blood flow freely and independently through his body. The way she was latched onto him did not help matters and for a moment his mind envisioned pushing her against the wall and showing her how much he had missed her. She pulled away and looked at him again her hands travelling from his forehead down his brow and further down following his jaw-line.

"I have missed you so much." She breathed and kissed him deeply again.

"I missed you too, love." He replied between kisses.

He heard Albert clearing his throat and was thankful that his brother had been patient for this long, knowing that the lovers needed these few moments. Anders sat Leila down on the ground and she smiled brightly at Albert before giving him a hug.

"It's so good to see you again, Albert." Leila said sweetly as she pulled away and reached for Anders' hand.

"You as well. Normally I would assume you were a servant here, but from those clothes I would say you are at least a noble." Albert said with surprise.

"She is the Viscountess of Kirkwall." Anders smiled fondly and wrapped his arm around Leila's waist.

"The Viscountess! Dear Maker!" Albert exclaimed unable to hide his surprise.  
Leila and Anders laughed good-naturedly.

"There is going to be a ball in my honour this evening and I have some business to attend to before that, but please let us go into our private part of the estate and we can talk." Leila suggested kindly.

Albert and Anders agreed and when Albert passed them Anders pulled Leila close for one more kiss.

* * *

_Author's note_

_Sorry for not updating as usual. I have been very sick the past week. I hope you will enjoy this chapter_


	83. Chapter 83 Shackles

**Shackles**

Anders gave Albert a very short explanation, as they walked through the keep and though he suspected that his brother wanted to ask questions, Albert kept quiet. There was a knowing look in his eyes that told Anders he understood his need for privacy with his wife. Leila had one of the servants escort Albert to his room and they had no sooner walked away, before Anders pushed Leila against the wall in the empty hallway. His lips descended on hers as he trapped her with his chest pressed against hers. With each breath she took he could feel her breasts moving against his chest, as the warmth of her being embraced him. He grabbed her hips and pushed her against him, making him groan involuntary. Her fingers dug into his hair and she was holding him firmly, as if preventing him from disappearing in front of her. She gave a low moan as he deepened the kiss further and it was like music to his ears. A divine hymn and a source of life that had been absent for what seemed a lifetime. Breathless he pulled away from her lips and put feathered kisses along her jaw line and down her neck while catching his breath.

"Maker, I am never leaving you again. I can't go on without you." He vowed in a breath as he kissed his way back up her neck.

"I have missed you so much. You are not leaving without me again. Darkspawn or no!" She said with overly faked sternness as he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

He chuckled and claimed he lips again, while his hands roamed over her sides and worshipped her curves. Softly he beckoned her mouth to open and willingly she complied, giving him access to a fountain of uncontained affection and passion. When she moaned again he felt a shiver run down his spine and found that he could barely contain all of his emotions. Again his lips began to travel down her neck relishing in the skill in which he made her gasp and pant. Only he knew her this well and he would have to remind her, why he was her husband. The gossip from the market entered his mind and a possessive jealousy came over him, as his kisses became more demanding making her breath hitch in her throat.

"I heard a rumour on my way here." He began between kisses, as his hand travelled towards her breast and gave a soft squeeze.

"Been listening to Hightown gossip again have we?" She chuckled, before moaning as his thumb teased her nibble.

"They said that you were living with an elf and that he has been sleeping in your bed." He growled teasingly, assuming the rumours were nothing but an invention caused by boredom.

"Oh, that's completely true." She replied calmly.

Instantly Anders stopped every attentive affection, as his heart stopped. For a moment there was nothing but complete disbelief of what he was hearing. Then anger, hurt and jealousy took over as he pulled away with an angry flare in his eye. Justice roared inside him, but it was nothing to Anders' own anger that for once overdid the spirit's. As he looked into her eyes he knew she was telling the truth and he didn't know if he should cry or laugh.

"And you thought that it was completely acceptable? That I would be fine with it?" He replied with an angry laugh.

To his surprise and anger, she fought hard to suppress a laugh. He could hardly believe that this was his Leila. Behaviour like this just wasn't like her and he felt his heart pound ferociously with anger. For once unable to speak Anders turned and was about to walk away, when she grabbed his arm gently.

"Let me go. I am clearly not wanted here. After everything you said I thought... but that doesn't matter now. You used me and I won't forget this." He spat and tried to pull free.

"Anders, love. Please come with me. There is someone I want you to meet." Leila replied with a soft smile.

"No!" He hissed.

"See Maia at least. If you still want to leave after, then I won't stop you." She said calmly, as she looked at him with a gaze so loving, he doubted his own mental faculties.

How could she speak words of betrayal and still look at him as if he was the only man in existence? With a sigh he agreed and followed her to the private quarters. He nearly turned around again, when Leila gave a small chuckle. Something was clearly amusing to her and his breaking heart was almost overcome by annoyance. He turned his gaze from her and looked in the door as she opened. Momentarily his pain disappeared as he saw his little girl playing on the floor and tears started flooding his eyes. Leila dismissed the servant watching Maia. Upon seeing her mother, the now 2 year old, Maia got to her feet and ran towards her mother with a bright smile. Leila picked her up and gave her a kiss. Anders just stood there observing them both, terrified should he move the mirage would fade away before him. Leila turned t face him still holding Maia. Maia observed him closely, clearly not sure about who he was. It brought an ache to Anders' heart and he wondered if it had been better if he had just stayed away. Maia smiled at him and carefully he reached out to stroke Maia's brow hair. He looked into her eyes and saw a mirror image of his own irises observing him. He turned his hand and made the palm of his hand turn upwards. In it he conjured a butterfly of arcane energy and Maia observed it. She then looked at him again, as if suddenly realising something important.

"Papa!" Maia exclaimed happily and Anders laughed from joy.

When her arms reached for him, he lifted her into his embrace and held her close him. He kissed her head over and over as she burrowed her little face in the crock of his neck. He gave a sound that was a mixture of a sob and a chuckle.

"I love you so much sweetheart. I have missed you." He said with a smile, still holding her close to him.

"Missed you too." Maia replied.

She could speak phrases by now, but conversations were still a bit too much for her, though it wouldn't be long. He pulled away slightly and studied his little girl closely, taking in all the details of her little face.  
"You look so much like your mother." He said lovingly, while kissing her forehead.  
Anders looked up as one of the doors to the other rooms opened. In came a little elven boy with red hair and blue eyes. He looked almost spooked, when he saw Anders and gave Leila a very uncertain look.

"It's alright, sweetheart. This is my husband. Remember I told you about him?" Leila said in a comforting voice.

The boy nodded and very carefully walked towards Leila. The last few steps were almost running as he grabbed hold of her hand, slightly hiding behind her. It had been a long time since Anders had seen a child that frightened, but it was not unusual to come across them at the tower. Sensing the boy's hesitation, Anders looked at Leila, who was grinning mischievously.

"This is Tobias or Toby. He is the elf who has been living with me for four months." She clarified with a chuckle.

With a sudden understanding Anders couldn't help but give a laugh of relief and gave her a bruising kiss. Both children looked at them and seemed slightly confused, not knowing what was so funny. Anders composed himself and crouched down trying to seem as harmless as possible. He tried to put Maia down, but she wouldn't let go and to be honest neither did he.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Toby. My name is Anders." He said fondly and put his hand forward.

Carefully Toby took a step forward and hesitantly gave him his hand. Toby studied his robes intensely.

"Are you really a warden?" Toby asked carefully.

"Yes, or I was. I have resigned so I can be with my family." Anders smiled.

Toby looked distressed all of a sudden, as tears formed in his eyes and the boy desperately looked up at Leila.

"Does that mean I have to leave now?" He asked with a thick voice.

Leila's expression turned mortified and pained, as she immediately kneeled down in front of him and pulled him closer. She gently took his chin and made him look at her.

"No. I will never send you away, do you hear? Never." Leila said firmly looking into his eyes.

The boy calmed a bit and threw his arms around her neck. Anders watched as Leila held the boy close and stroked his hair lovingly. Much had happened in his absence, but clearly not what he had feared. He looked at the little boy and was in some ways reminded of himself. The boy clung to her as if she was a lifeline and her embrace was the only safe place in Thedas. This was exactly how she made Anders feel as well and it warmed his heart to see that the boy received some love and attention he had clearly been missing for a long time. Leila pulled away and kissed Toby's forehead.

"Would you do me a favour?" She asked sweetly and Toby nodded.

"Will you take Maia into your room and play with her for a little while. I need to talk to Anders and afterwards we can all have some apple pie." She smiled.

"Okay." Toby smiled and took Maia's hand.

Maia jumped of her father's lap and followed Toby into the next room. Anders and Leila both stood up and he pulled her into his embrace kissing her forcefully.

"You could have told me!" He growled against her lips.

"I know, but you have a nasty habit of making assumptions and walking away with the half of the truth. I wanted to show you, that you don't always have to expect the worst. I'm sorry I worried you. I love you." She smiled apologetic and gave him a soft kiss.

"I love you too." He replied and with a contented sigh leaned into her kiss.

When she pulled away she took his hand and let him to the couch. She told him about what had happened with the circle in Nevarra and how she had made Hawke help relocate the survivors. She told him about Toby. How she had found him in Isabella's cargo hold, forgotten and left behind by the other mages. How Toby had lost his parents and how he had escaped the circle. Anders listened carefully and asked the occasional question. When she was done, he smiled at her lovingly, while stroking her cheek and gave her a soft kiss.

"I told Justice that the mages would be safe in your hands, while we were gone. Those mages owe you their lives." He said with a little pride.

"They owe me nothing. It was the least I could do. I was responsible for it after all." She replied, her voice filled with remorse.

"No you weren't. They tried to blame you, because they don't want to acknowledge their own mistakes... So... what about Toby?" Anders asked with a soft smile.

"I was thinking about... adopting him, actually." She replied sweetly and looked into his eyes.

Anders chuckled at the innocence with which she presented the possibility. In the back of his mind, Justice argued that they already had far too many distractions in their lives, but Anders ignored him. This was one aspect on which spirit and host would never agree. What Justice considered a distraction, Anders saw as another motive for freeing mages.

"That's a wonderful idea love, but harbouring an apostate is risky." He warned.

"I am already harbouring an apostate." Leila replied, with a worry Anders had not expected.

"I have permission from the Divine to live free of the circle. Surely you remember that." He teased, but her expression remained serious.

"I didn't mean you. Remember your great grandfather's grimmoire?" She began.

Anders nodded and Leila began telling him about everything about what had happened with that book. How it had revealed Maia to be a mage and all the fears that had run through her mind. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and for the first time since he had left, she allowed herself to truly cry and show all the fear and worry she had been feeling.

"I was so afraid that I would have lost her, when you came back. That I would have to tell you that she had been taken by the templars or turned into an abomination." She said with a trembled breath.

Anders held her close and kissed her hair.

"It's going to be alright. I am here now and I'm not going to let anyone take either of them from us." He vowed kissing her hair.

She pulled away and if he didn't know better, he would have said that her expression was almost fearful. She was considering something, as if she was deciding whether or not to tell him something. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I have done something and I am afraid you will be very cross with me, when I tell you." She explained.

"Alright... why don't you tell me and I'll try to keep my temper under control." He smiled softly and stroked her cheek.

Leila nodded and made him follow her into the study. She opened the vault and pulled out a black collar from a chest. She took a deep breath and handed it to Anders. He could feel a surge of magic coming from it as he studied it. He looked at the runes on the inside of the collar and recognized them as tevinter binding runes. He looked at Leila.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I was afraid that Maia would turn into an abomination and that the guards would have to kill her. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her like that. I had Garrett make that collar to prevent it. It is created using ancient tevinter magic and a sarabass collar. It binds the magic of the mage and makes possession impossible while its magic is active." Leila explained and looked at him as if afraid he would lose himself in anger. She was right.

"So let me get this straight? You have taken the most oppressive object used on mages and you intend to use it on **our daughter?!**" He exclaimed angrily, as Justice's presence almost punched his way forward.

Anders breathed heavily, as Justice and he became one. The blue cracks formed over his body, as his eyes began burning with that blue flame of fury and vengeance. Leila looked at them with a sad expression, which almost made the spirit feel a shred of remorse.

"There isn't a rod to control it. The intention was that it would be bound to your magic, so that you could release her from it, when she needed lessons and only for when she is very young. It was never meant to be permanent." She explained patiently.

"Because that makes it better!" They growled.

"It wasn't about better. It was about preventing my daughter from a fate worse than death, be it templars or demons who provide it. I also thought that mage children could wear this until they turn eighteen. That way they could be taught at the circle and return home to their families at night. With the threat of possession gone, they could have normal lives." She explained and a tear fell from her eye.

Anders looked at her closely and Justice, retreated like an ashamed dog. What had they expected? That she would fight so hard for mages to be free and then suddenly turn on them, when her own flesh and blood turned out to be one? He placed the collar on the desk and pulled her into his embrace.

"I am so sorry." He whispered into her hair and kissed her.

"It's alright. I know how painful the subject is for you." She replied in a low voice.  
He pulled away and looked down into her eyes with a loving gaze.

"I don't deserve you. I should have understood. I don't know what I was thinking." He said with an apologetic smile.

"You were protecting your daughter." She smiled softly.

"I should know better than to try and protect her from you. The collar is actually not a bad idea, but I am not sure the templars can be trusted with it." He replied as he pondered the implications.

"I know, which is why no one knows I have had it made. My intension is that the mages mentor is the one who has the ability to lock and unlock the collar. But I don't dare give it to the chantry, before it is improved upon. I want to make sure that a rod cannot be created for them and I want to make a contract ensuring that the collars will be used within the rules set by me. But we both know how easy that will be." She replied, the last part of the sentence filled with sarcasm.

"Undoubtedly. How many do you have of these?" He asked with curiosity, examining the collar.

Leila almost chuckled at his change of heart. If she had not showed it to him in relation to his child, he might not have reacted so violently. In a sense Maia had two fathers, who were willing to die in order to protect her, so it was not surprising that they reacted strongly when they thought she was threatened. Having one overprotective father was a challenge, but having two in the same body meant twice the love and twice the fierce protection. Leila already felt sorry for the young men that were to pass their daughter's way.

"I had two made. That one and Toby is wearing the other. His is linked to Wynne's magic at present. She has been teaching him in secret for me, until you returned." She explained.

"Wynne? What is she doing in Kirkwall?" Anders asked with surprise.

"She has been watching over your clinic. I am so happy you are back. I have missed you so." She sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist and burrowed her face in his chest.

Anders chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, while kissing the top of her head.

"Wynne is a little stern, but surely she isn't that bad." He chuckled.

"She has been wonderful, but she just isn't you in any aspect. You will always be my favourite mage." Leila smiled up at him and he kissed her.

As promised they met up with the children and Albert. Albert almost instantly fawned over his niece, though he believed her to be his adopted niece, instead of biological. Anders sighed regretfully on the inside, but this was one of the prices that he and Leila had paid for his freedom and safety. And in light of that it was a small price to pay.

* * *

**That evening**

Anders doubted that he would ever get used to seeing himself in fancy noble clothing. He had always teased people about wearing things like this and now while in Kirkwall as husband of the Viscountess he was wearing them once a month. He still laughed at the memory of when Leila had ordered these for him. Really his formal clothing was much like his robes only finer fabric. The look on the tailor's face, when Leila told him to add feathers to the shoulders would always amuse him. His robes were black with gold stitching. He smiled when he saw Leila in her long black and golden dress. Around the neckline was a row of small white feathers and at her long golden sleeves, that left her shoulders exposed, were a few long white feathers at the top. He wasn't sure if she actually liked the feathers or not, but it was something she had taken to her and a way of showing her support. Showing him that she loved even his quirkiness and was willing to embrace it. Regardless of what she thought however, he found her stunning.

The ball that night was a very standard procedure, celebrating the Viscountess three years on the throne. It was good to see all of his friends again, who had all been happy to see Anders there. Well maybe not Fenris, who merely offered and indifferent grunt as a greeting. Leila had once claimed that they would have been friends had both of them either been mages or slaves. Somehow Anders doubted it. At long last the evening had gone on long enough for him to retire with Leila. Just his luck to come home a day that was so busy for her. He had walked up before her and now looked in the door looking at Maia sleeping. Toby, he had learned, had just gotten his own room a few weeks ago and since he was now used to staying at the keep he no longer slept next to Leila. There was some justice in the world it would seem. He heard the door to their bedroom open and saw Leila walk in the door, smiling sweetly at him. He smiled at Maia one last time and carefully closed the door. He then walked over behind Leila as she released her hair from its bondage and let the waves flow down her back. She looked into the mirror as she removed her jewellery and Anders smiled to himself. At this moment he envied no man in Thedas. Gently he let his fingers run through her long hair and pushed it over her shoulder. He kissed her neck and smiled as he heard her give a blissful sigh. She was about to turn but he held her in place.

"Don't move." He murmured against her neck.

His fingers skilfully began opening the laces on the back of her dress. His breath became heavy as he unwrapped her from the beautiful confinement, which hid that which he desired and longed for the most. He pushed it of her and down, while his hands explored the curves of her body only separated by the corset and thin petticoat she wore underneath. She shuddered under his touch and he was reminded just how long it had been since he had done this. She tried to turn again and this time he did not stop her. There was a sense of urgency in the way she looked at him and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him fiercely. Instantly he responded and drank from her as if he had awoken from near death. His hands grabbed the thin fabric of her skirt and lifted it high enough for his hands to slide under and feel the softness of her thighs. She arched into him, when he cupped her rear. She moaned as his tongue explored the cavern of her mouth, their tongues already dancing the act of love... a premonition about what was to come. Almost impatiently to get her closer he lifted her onto the small dresser on which the large mirror was placed. She gasped as her back touched the cool glass, arching her breasts into him. For a moment he pulled away from the kiss, seeing the swell of her breast moving within the corset and caressing his chest, as she was breathing heavily. Her hands moved to the front of his clothes and removed both coat and shirt with haste. He shuddered as her fingers ran over his chest, as he in return let one hand travel from her thigh to her breast. Even through the corset he could feel her nibble and he began playing with it. She gasped as she rested her head against the mirror and he began kissing the expanse of her neck. He had intended to take this slow and love her patiently, but it was not what either of them wanted or needed. They had waited so long for each other and any lingering distance seemed unbearable. She wrapped her legs around him pulling him closer and making him trust against her. They moaned in unison, as he continued to rub against her. Even as her fingers toyed with the laces of his trousers he could not bring himself stop. Only when she had completed the task and he felt her heated fingers melt around his hardness, did his movements pause. Again he moaned against her neck, his nails digging into her thigh and breast, making her hiss slightly. Gently he hitched himself onto her neck as her hand moved along him with expertise. Before her there had been many, but the benefits and pleasures of being with someone who knew your body as well as their own, could not be compared. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as the pressure kept building, torn between never wanting the feeling to end and still wanting so much more. Only moments away he grabbed her wrist to make her stop. He was rock still fearing the slightest movement would sent him over the edge.

She knew before him when it was safe to move again and began kissing his neck, echoing what he had done to her. With regained control, but reaffirmed purpose his hands found their way to her small clothes. His lips travelled down her throat to the swell of her breasts, as his hands slid down her legs, taking the heated piece of clothing with them. She grabbed his shoulders and with an almost feral movement pulled him back to her, claiming his lips in a heated kiss. She rolled her hips against him, the calf of her legs pulling him closer and he could feel the molten heat welcoming him. Feeling the same sense of urgency, he entered her almost savagely and gasped at the feel of her. One hand holding her thigh the other travelled to her rear pushing her ever closer to him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck, nothing could separate them. Moving in harmony they became one being, completely aware of each other's senses and nothing beyond. She kept moaning and gasping as his almost bestial movements continued. Unable to continue kissing him, as she was gasping for breath, she looked at him. He looked into her eyes and without use of words told her how much he loved her. She almost cried at the depths of his emotions, but her body was too preoccupied with his affection to respond. A movement later and she crashed. Her head resting against the mirror as she turned her head towards the heavens and chanted his name in short whimpers. Another trust and he burrowed his face in the cavern of her erratically moving bosom, moaning her name as a reply. Breathing heavily he removed his head and looked at her with a grin on his face. His hands ran through her hair and then cupped her face before claiming her lips.

"I love you." He smiled against her lips.

"I love you too." She sighed happily.

"I am never moving again." He grinned with a strangled breath.

"Not even to the bed?" She pleaded with a chuckle.

"Too far." He groaned and Leila laughed looking at the bed a few meters away.

"How about the rug in front of the fire at least? My tailbone is going to be sore if I stay here." She argued.

He groaned again, but pulled away the few steps taking her with him and collapsing onto the rug in front of the fire. Leila rested on his chest as he lay on his back in front of the fire and her leg snaked itself around his legs.

"Aha! Gotcha!" She declared as if a victory.

He tightened his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, as he chuckled. He stroked her hair and even though she almost drifted off to sleep, she could feel something bothering him. She sighed heavily and gave a little yawn before looking at him.

"None of us are going to get any sleep until you tell what the matter is." She smiled sweetly.

He looked at her with a pained expression, but she had expected no less.

"Mages need to be free." He stated.

That said it all. Everything she needed to know. Mage freedom had always come first and she knew it. She knew he was afraid of never doing enough and now he found himself in conflict. He would never be able to justify to himself that he had what everyone deserved and stand idly by while others were still cut off from it.

"Where you go, I go. The templars and Chantry will not tear us apart." She stated seriously.

"It will be dangerous, love." He said regretfully.

"You said once that you were the cause of mages. If that is true then that is who I feel in love with and I will not let you face this alone. Ever. I know more must be done, but let us do it together. No secrets." She said seriously her fingers running through his hair and down his stubbled cheek.

"No secrets." He nodded in agreement.


	84. Chapter 84 Saturnalia: Home

**Saturnalia: Home**

The snow had finally fallen in Kirkwall. It had taken long enough. Anders couldn't remember feeling this cold since he lived in Ferelden. The current coming from the waking sea near Antiva and Rivain normally kept Kirkwall a little warmer, even though it was close to the north of Ferelden, but this year it was colder than any other winter he had spent in Kirkwall. It was Saturnalia and for some reason Leila had been ecstatic that Kirkwall was covered in snow for the holiday. She said something about "white Christmas" and though Anders honestly didn't understand what the fuss was about, it warmed his heart to see her happy. He had been home for about a month now and everything had been about making her and the children happy. He owed them that much after being gone for so long. That was actually what had brought him in his current predicament. The wind was howling and it was difficult to see for all the snow and despite his multiple layers of clothing he was cold to the bone. The children on the other hand looked perfectly happy, running around in the snow covered streets with Ebony jumping from one pile of snow to another. The people who had braved the weather, completely ignored the sweetness of the children and instead gave Anders odd looks. He hated it. Being an apostate for most of his adult life, attracting attention was very unwelcome, but there was no chance of him avoiding it that day. He groaned under the weight of the burden of the unruly object he was carrying.

"So why is it that we a carrying a pine tree through Hightown?" He asked, trying to push one of the branches out of his face.

Leila laughed good-naturedly at him, while carrying the top of the small tree.

"It is a tradition from my home, I thought it would be fun to introduce you to some of my traditions." She smiled.

"Your people are crazy. Who thought of digging up a tree and placing it in the middle of the sitting room?" Anders wondered out loud.

"I think it was a German tradition, but why we started doing it I have no idea. Just wait, soon it will be filled with decorations, sweets and candles." She smiled brightly.

"You are going to set it on fire?" He asked almost horrified and she smiled brightly.

"I hope not!" She laughed.

Anders shook his head. This was a silly tradition to him, but she had so little from her own world and even though it had been years, he suspected that a part of her would always long for her home. It did not mean that she would go back, but it was only natural that she wanted some reminder of it. And if dragging a tree through Kirkwall in the middle of a small blizzard made her happy, then so be it. The keep was quiet, when they returned. Leila had given all of the staff leave for the holidays and Anders had to admit that he enjoyed them taking care of themselves. A part of him wished that it was always like this, but they were both far too busy with their duties to take care of everything themselves. They should be grateful for all of this, as they were far better off by far, than most people. They would just have to live in a small undisturbed cottage in another lifetime. Anders placed the tree on the floor inside the sitting room. Leila had dug it out of the ground no less. The frozen ground. Thank the Maker Anders was able to soften the ground or they would never have gotten home. She had then wrapped the roots inside a brown bag that now prevented the dirt from falling onto the floor. Anders looked at the tree that was about the same height as Leila and shook his head.

"This is one of the silliest things I have ever been a part of and there are some pretty amazing things on that list." He chuckled.

"And this was just a small one. Some have trees that go all the way to the ceiling." She smiled and laughed as Anders' eyes widened.

He noticed Toby shuddering and rubbing his glowed hands together. Anders took off his gloves and coat and helped Toby remove his. He then took the boys hands in his and let a little heat emanate from his hands. Toby almost sighed with relief and wrapped his arms around Anders' waist, hugging him to get warm. Anders smiled as he held the boy and let his hands continue to warm him. Toby had been hesitant around him at first, but since Anders took over training him instead of Wynne, a friendship had formed between them. He looked at Leila who was helping Maia and felt his heart swell. Adopting Toby had been the right thing to do and Anders was happy that he could offer him a home and a family that would love him. A place that didn't discriminating him for being an elf or a mage. Hightown had of course howled in disapproval, but Leila had stated that her personal life was of no concern to them. A bold move by some measures and Seneschal Bran was less than happy, but Anders was proud of her. He found her more attractive than usual, when she showed her teeth. Toby pulled away from his embrace and Anders gently ruffled his hair before going over to the fireplace. Toby followed and with the wave of a hand Anders released the enchantment on the collar hidden beneath the boy's clothes. He a little reluctantly had to admit that it gave him comfort that Toby was kept safe from demons, when he wasn't there to protect him. Anders instructed Toby how to cast a small fire-spell and after a few attempts Toby managed to light the fire.

"Mother, look what I did!" Toby said with excitement.

"Well done sweetheart and thank you. Did you thank Anders for teaching you?" Leila said sweetly and kissed the top of his head.

"Thank you Anders." Toby replied a little shyly.

When Leila had told Toby that they would adopt him, he had been so happy and immediately asked Leila if he could call her mother. With Anders however it was going to take some time. The boy after all still remembered his real father and had not known Anders for very long. Anders understood this and frankly he needed to get used to the idea himself. After so many years of considering himself to be cursed and unlucky, it would take some time getting used to actually having something that had meaning. He had been with Leila for years now, but there was a difference between being in love and having children. The children were depended on him and though it sometimes felt as if Leila and Anders relied upon each other it was not the same.

"You are welcome. How about we raid the larder and see if we can find something to eat?" Anders asked with a wink and Toby smiled.

"Last one in the larder is a wrinkled nug!" Toby exclaimed and bolted for the door with Ebony right behind him.

Leila and Anders looked at each other with a laugh and Anders ran after Toby.

When Anders and Toby came back, they brought with them some tea and biscuits. Leila was standing by the tree and using steel tread to make tiny candles rest on the branches. Maia was sitting at the table, gluing together pieces of paper in different colours. At the top of the tree was a paper star, that Anders figures Leila must have made. He walked over to the table and put down the tray before kissing Leila's cheek.

"Look Papa!" Maia said proudly.

Anders smiled at his daughter while stroking her hair and laughed as he pulled a small piece of paper of her cheek. Leila sat down next to Toby and showed him how to make folded heart unlike any Anders had ever seen. He remembered how her world had looked in the fade and how chaotic it had seemed. This seemed out of place somehow, because Leila seemed almost serene when preparing all of this. Looking at the tree Anders got an idea. He waved his hand along some of the branches on the tree and created small clear icicles and bound them with an arcane spell to keep them from melting. He looked at Leila and smiled as she had been far too preoccupied with the children to pay attention to what he was doing. He walked into the bedroom and pulled out a box of enchanted amulets he had gathered over the years. They had different kinds of magic protection and gave of a glow in different colours, depending on the enchantment. He walked back into the sitting room and hung them from the branches of the tree. Leila finally noticed what he was doing and with a bright smile, her fingers touched her lips. She walked over to him and hugged him tightly.

"I hope it is alright." He said softly, when it suddenly occurred to him that this probably wasn't how it was done.

"Anders, it's perfect. Thank you." She smiled with watery eyes and kissed him.

After adding the children creations to the tree and Leila putting different sweets, nuts and dried fruits in the hearts Toby made, Anders began to see the appeal. It was rather pretty, if very unusual.

"So, what is the purpose of the tree?" Anders asked after the children had been laid down for a much needed nap.

"Well, we usually place our Saturnalia gifts under it and after dinner we distribute them between family members. Every country does it a little differently of course. I am used to giving presents in the evening and others do it the following morning." She explained.

"Why the following morning?" He asked.

It was usual to give gifts at Saturnalia. It was a grand feast for friends and family and after the feast people would exchange gifts. It was a little similar to the holiday Leila held before getting stranded in Thedas, from what Anders could understand.

"Because some believe that Father Christmas brings the presents at night by jumping down the fireplace. Imagine an elderly, overweight man with a long white beard and a red suit, coming through the fireplace and placing gifts under that tree." She chuckled.

Anders had to laugh. He just couldn't help himself. He had never heard anything so ridiculous in his life, but she had certainly made him curious. He cleared his throat and sat down on the couch wrapping his arms around her.

"Alright, please explain how anyone got that idea." He chuckled.

"It is children who believe it mostly and it is just a mythological man. There was an original one once and he was supposedly real." She explained.

"Really?" Anders replied doubtfully.

"Yes. Long ago there was a man, a priest called Sankt Nicholas. He was, what a revered mother is here. One day there was a man who came to him and lamented his misfortune, as he could not provide for his family. The priest felt sympathy for the man and told him to go home and pray. That night he went past the man's house and saw with what devotion the man and his family prayed. Touched by their struggles the priest climbed up onto the roof and poured a bag of golden coins down through the fireplace." Leila explained with a small smile.

"That is a good story. I wonder why he didn't just give the man the coin." He mused.

"I guess he wanted him to pray and in some way the god did answer. The priest acted on behalf of the god with the appropriate mercy and compassion, without claiming any of the glory for himself. If only more chantry sisters were like that." She smiled a little deviously.

"But if he didn't tell anyone, where do the stories come from?" Anders challenge with a smirk.

"Maybe someone saw him? Maybe he did it a lot of times? Or it could all just be rubbish. Who knows, it's still a sweet story." She shrugged.

"It is. You should tell it to Varric later." He suggested with a smile.

"Not interesting enough for Varric, I think. But I would love to hear his embellished version of it." She chuckled.

* * *

**Later**

They had all gathered at the keep for this Saturnalia instead of the Amell Estate as they usually did. It had been Hawke who suggested it, as Anders and Leila would then not have to leave the festivities early. All of them had brought food and drink and were now setting up in the dining room, while Varric was sitting in the sitting room entertaining Maia, Sandal and Toby with stories. Isabella, Fenris and Hawke had already begun drinking, while Aveline and Donnic was talking to Albert and Bodahn. Merill was talking to Orana, who was very uncomfortable being in a situation where she was to socialize with her master and his friends. Freedom and equality was still a hard concept for her to grasp, even after almost five years of freedom. Anders stood in the doorway and looked up. For some obscure reason Leila had hung some mistletoe over the door in a red ribbon. When he looked down again Leila came towards him with a mischievous look in her eyes and a bright smile. Anders lost his breath as he saw her. She was wearing a crimson dress with long sleeves and her hair was up, with only a few curls hanging lose. It might only be because he loved her so much, but to him she was the most beautiful creature in the world. She walked over to him and let her hands slide up his chest around his neck and pulled him down for a deep kiss, which made him lose his breath. His hands travelled along her waist and had them resting on her hips. He made a noise to object, when she pulled away and she giggled.

"This is a risky spot you know." She smiled.

"And why is that?" He asked with a smile still chasing after her lips in vain.

In responds she pointed up and he gave her an odd look.

"We have a tradition that those who stand under a mistletoe is to be kissed by the first person the passes by." She smiled mischievously.

"See, this tradition I like." He replied and kissed her. "As long as I am the one kissing you." He murmured against her lips and she chuckled.

He finally pulled away and they left the amorous spot. He looked at her neck and saw the wooden orchid in the gold chain around her neck. It was worn by now and some of the colour had faded, but she had worn it every day since he had given it to her, four years ago. Her first saturnalia away from her world. His fingertips caressed the pendant and she smiled up at him, as if she knew what he was thinking.

"This is my home now and there is nowhere else I'd rather be." She whispered.

"You don't regret coming here? Wish that things had been different?" He asked seriously.

"No. I want to be here with the man I love." She smiled before kissing him.

He pulled her into his embrace and deepened the kiss.

* * *

_Author's Note_

_This was a "pointless" chapter, but wanted to write you a Christmas chapter and wish you all a Merry Christmas and happy New Year. Thank you so much for reading this story and supporting it. I feel I have really evolved as a writer and it is thanks to your support._

_A message to Phantom since I can't press reply. Thank you for your kind words, as for my opinion on bloodmagic, it is the characters opinion and not my own. People are the once responsible for their deeds, how they achieve it will always come secondary. But that is just my points of viewJ_

_Again Happy Christmas everyone. Hugs from Cowoline._


	85. Chapter 85 Riddles

**Riddles**

Varric had once claimed that Kirkwall was in love with trouble. Currently Leila would have to agree and she did not envy anyone this position. Impending doom was definitely not something that was in the job description. Though, it was hardly surprising. For the moment Kirkwall was peaceful, as far as the city could be, but she had the feeling she was sitting on a time bomb and she wondered if that feeling would ever go away. She looked up at the moon as she walked through the streets of Kirkwall. Everything was quiet and the most of Hightown was asleep by now. Thanks to years of fundraising and Alistair's help, most of the refugees had cleared out of Darktown, which was by now mostly crowded with thugs, smugglers and unfortunately slavers. Aveline was however doing a good job in keeping people safe, as after Meredith was gone she could actually do her job. Leila noticed a faint shadow on one of the walls and she was still a while from the keep. It had been following her for the past few minutes now. Sure enough as she passed an alleyway people jumped out in front of her with their weapons raised. She stood still and took a deep breath. What appeared to be the leader walked towards her and grabbed her by the chin.

"Well, you are not without your charms." He said huskily with a sinister smile on his face.

"Do yourself a favour and walk away." Leila replied calmly.

"You think you can give orders to me? No, this is what we are going to do. First I am going to have some fun with you and after that I am sure some of my men will. We have been travelling you see. It's been a while since we have had the pleasure of female companionship. And when that is over with you are going to become acquainted with my dagger." He chuckled darkly.

"I warned you." She said in an almost singing way.

"You are cocky for someone surrounded be assassins. Do you really think I fear you?" He grinned with disbelief and his men joined in.

"No, but you pissed of my husband." She replied with a smile and a twinkle in her eye.

In that moment her attacker felt himself trapped and Leila kneed him between his legs. She leaned into him as a fireball flew through the air, using him as a shield against the fire. As the men were screaming in agony, their hair and clothes on fire, Leila ran into the alleyway and rested against the wall. She felt a chill on the ground as her attackers were frozen to the ground, before a storm of fire rained down on them. She could feel the fire and had to turn away from it as it got to hot. Leila took a piece of her cloak in front of her mouth and nose, while trying to cover her ears. She would never get used to the smell of burning flesh or the screams of men dying. She felt the heat on her skin retreating and she knew it was over. She took a deep breath through her mouth, doing her best to ignore the smell, before walking back out. The guardsmen were already taking to Anders, who was giving them instructions. It seemed they had managed to keep one of her attackers alive, but barely. He instructed them to take the injured man to the clinic and keep him under close guard until he was well enough to be interrogated. Anders walked over to her and embraced her.

"Are you alright, love?" He asked softly.

"Yes... Is it a bad thing when you get use to assassination attempts?" She chuckled with regret and he sighed.

"I really don't like it, when you use yourself as bait." He said in a correcting manner.

"I know, but rather that they attack me here than at home, where Maia and Toby could get hurt. Besides this was a small group and you handled it beautifully. And that's not a word I enjoy using in this context." She smirked.

"Nor I. It was a good thing Clive managed to warn us about this." Anders replied.

"If you take these two, I'll take the other two." She replied gesturing to the dead men, before continuing.

"How did Clive find out anyway?" Leila asked walking over to the corpses.

"The underground. They have created an extensive network throughout Thedas." He explained going through the leader pockets.

"Well, they have had to. But if Lambert is the one behind this, how did they find out? It makes no sense." She mused going through the other mans satchel.

"Not every templar is an enemy, love." He said calmly looking through some notes the leader had in his pocket.

"Would you repeat that? I'm not sure I heard correctly." She said, while grinning mischievously.

"You heard me." He groaned, obviously not to happy with his admission.

"Oh damn, what I wouldn't give to have had that on a recording." She teased and she felt an almost unbearable chill run up her spine.

"Anders!" She shivered with disapproval.

"Your own fault, love. You needed to be taught a lesson." He chuckled lowering his frost-covered hand and she gave him a mock glare.

"I think I have found something." She said pulling out, what looked like a letter and walked over to Anders.

He opened it, but his face turned annoyed.

"Blast it! This is encrypted too. If we are going to stop these attacks we need to find someone, who can decipher them." He said with worried annoyance.

"I know, but I already tried using Varric's contact and it got us nowhere. I suppose I could write to Elissa, she might have some other contacts." She replied biting her lip in thought.

"We might as well try. Come, let's go home." He suggested taking her hand and leading her the way to the keep.

* * *

Leila was in her study going over some letters and petitions. Her work never seemed to be done, but this afternoon she was working in their private quarters. She smiled, when she heard Anders' voice and walked out of the study and leaned against the doorframe to Maia's room. He had come home early from the clinic. She was sitting on her father's lap and Toby on the floor as Anders was telling them a story. She turned three years old today and they had agreed to celebrate as soon as they had both finished their work. Maia's brown hair was now well beyond her shoulders, but was smooth like Anders' instead of wavy like Leila's. Her eyes had grown quite expressive and the brandy colour, she had inherited from Anders, made her eyes seem warm and gentle. She was a happy little girl, who knew nothing of the cruel world around her or her parent's worries. She was generous, teasing and kind to everyone, but had not shown any sign of her magical powers yet. When Anders finished the story Maia sat up in his lap and turned to give him a hug.

"Thank you, father." She smiled and Anders stroked her back.

"You're welcome, Butterfly." He said lovingly.

"I want to go on adventures too. Can I come next time?" Toby asked hopefully.

"You can come with me too the clinic." Anders suggested, but Toby groaned.

"I want to fight dragons and darkspawn! And find treasure!" Toby replied excitedly.

"You have been listening to Hawke's and Varric's stories again. Trust me there is nothing exciting about killing darkspawn." Anders replied hoping to discourage the boy.  
Anders looked up and saw Leila standing in the doorway.

"Hello, love." He smiled and Maia turned.

"Mommy, father told me a story!" She said excitedly.

"I heard. Was it a good story?" Leila asked with a smile and she nodded. Anders looked at Leila and realised something was on her mind.

"Sweetheart, why don't you and Toby go outside and play? I'll be there in a few minutes and we can play whatever you like." He said fondly.

"Okay." Maia replied and jumped of his lap.

As the children passed her Leila put a hand on Toby's shoulder and looked at him seriously.

"Be careful, you will get excitement enough when you get older. And you should listen to your father. There is nothing glorious about darkspawn." She said in a serious tone.

"Yes mother." Toby nodded and Leila kissed his head before he ran out the door.  
Anders beckoned Leila to come closer and took her wrist, making her sit on his lap. He gave her a soft kiss.

"What's on your mind?" He asked softly.

"I have contacted Elissa and she believes she knows someone that might be able to help deciphering the messages."She smiled.

"That's good. Who is it?" He asked.

"A mage in the circle in Ferelden. She has requested that we come to Ferelden. She hopes I might help implement some of the initiatives regarding mages there."

"Sounds like a good idea." He replied with a small smile.

"Yes, well except you will have to be forced to come to court with me. Lots of nobles, former acquaintances and then there is the circle trip." She observed him closely as she said this. He had so many things burrowed in his past that still haunted him.

"I think I have learned by now, that I can't run from my past. Don't worry I'll be fine." He said softly and claimed her lips.

Leila pulled away and sighed when she heard the children arguing from outside. Anders and Leila gave each other a tired look before chuckling lightly. Anders gave her another soft kiss before getting up and they walked out into the garden. He stopped in the doorway out into the garden and looked intently at Maia. Maia was giving instructions to Ebony and Purrcival and both seemed to understand. Leila noticed his sudden observation of her and looked at him while stroking his back.

"What is on your mind?" She asked in a low voice so the children wouldn't hear.

"When I was in Orlais there was a mage-girl with a rare magical talent. She could communicate with animals and make them do her bidding. Looking at Maia I can't help but wonder..." He mused, clearly thoughtful.

"Well that would be an impressive gift. When will we know?" Leila asked.

"It will still be years. Some show the first signs of magic at the age of six others not until they enter puberty. Both Albert and I were more than ten and since there is no magic in your bloodline, I will assume she will develop her talents around that age." He replied.

"When that day comes she will have a loving father to help her." She smiled softly and kissed him.

* * *

_He heard a laugh. A familiar laugh. He opened his eyes and all around him fire was burning. First he assumed it was darkspawn that was engulfed by the flames, but as he got closer and the stench overwhelmed him he saw the mage robes and templar uniforms. They were all screaming in agony, but then everything turned cold. He looked around and stood in the streets of Val Royeax. Towards him came a large crowd of humans and elves dressed in robes. They all walked with a vacant stare in their eyes and didn't seem to notice him as they walked past him. Even those who bumped into him seemed oblivious. When one of them walked directly into him he saw the sun-brand on her forehead. They were all tranquil, each and every single one of them. He followed them through the streets and became one of the crowd. They reached a large square filled with templars ordering them to stand in straight lines. Suddenly the sky was set a flame and a big shadow was cast down on them. He looked to the heavens and saw a familiar dragon prowling the skies. As it shrieked the horde of emotionless people began crying and all of them were surrounded by the red magic, which glowed like lyrium. Even the templars started glowing and in their eyes he saw panic. From the houses stormed civilians taking in the spectacle only to be absorbed by the red magic themselves. In the middle he saw Sandal standing admits the people looking at him. He smiled and waved with his usual childish innocence. He then looked up and saw two more dragons appear in the sky. One of the dragons descended and stood next to him. It was Flemmeth. She pointed at Sandal, who looked at him as if he had something important to say._

_"One day the magic will come back. All of it. Everyone will be just as they were. The shadows will part and the skies will open wide." Sandal said in a low voice that made a shiver run down his spine._

_Flemmeth stepped back as another dragon descended. One transformed into a younger woman with black hair, dark eyes and was dressed in chasind robes. A faint echo was created in his mind like a memory._

_"I am not sure whether she is your daughter or your enemy." Hawke had said._

_"Neither is she." Flemmeth had replied._

_The last dragon descended from the skies and landed in the middle of the crowd. He could hear a cracking noise and all around he saw fade spirits and ghost walking among the crowd like regular people, but confused. Everyone was sizzling with magic, even the templars that began turning into abominations. In fear the templars turned on each other and by doing so released their uncontrolled magic, leaving them more fearful than ever. Sandal pointed to the dragon._

_"When he rises, everyone will see." Sandal said in that same scary voice._

_The dragon transformed into a young man with long black hair, pale skin, dark eyes and a small beard around his mouth. He looked no older than eighteen years old. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Flemmeth who was chuckling._

_"I see you have met my grandson."_

Covered in cold sweat he sat up in bed and was breathing heavily. He rubbed his face and couldn't shake of the trembling sensation. He almost jumped off the bed, when he felt Merrill's soft touch on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" She asked sweetly.

"Yes... I think so... Just a nightmare." Hawke replied trying to shake it off.

"Do you want to talk about it? Should I make tea? Or perhaps I should just..." She tried, but he silenced her with a kiss.

"Thank you my love. It wasn't anything serious. It was strange though, it was about Flemmeth." He replied rubbing his face again.

"About Ashabellanar?" Merrill replied with widened eyes.

"Yes." He replied turning to face his love.

"Are you sure it was just a dream then?" She asked carefully.

"Yes of course. What else could it have been? I probably just ate too much dinner. Just go back to sleep." He replied and kissed her softly.

* * *

_"Leila, are you coming?" She heard her mother's voice call._

_"Yes, I'll be right there." Leila replied._

_She went to her dresser and took out a pair of jeans and a shirt. She looked at the picture on the dresser. It was of Anders, Maia, Toby and herself. She smiled and for a moment wondered how she had ever gotten a picture like this. She walked out of the bedroom and into the apartment's living room. Her mother sat on the couch with Maia in her lap, while talking to Anders who was helping Toby put on his shoes. His usual pouldrons were gone and he was wearing jeans, a soft blouse and sneakers of all things. Anders looked at her with a smile._

_"Are you ready, love?" He asked with a smile._

_"Yes, let's go." She replied returning his smile._

_They walked out of the apartment together and walked outside. They walked towards a park and Leila and her mother sat down at a table, while Anders walked over to the swing set with the children. For a while they just sat their enjoying the sun and how her family was enjoying themselves. She felt her mother's arm around her shoulders._

_"I am so happy for you. That you have someone that loves you as much as he does. And to have such wonderful grand-children." Her mother smiled._

_"Thank you mum. I love him so much and I am happy." Leila replied with adoration as she looked at her husband who waved at her._

_"And just wait until this bundle of joy joins the family. You will have your hands full." Her mother chuckled and put her hand on Leila's belly._

_Leila looked down and discovered that she was at least six months pregnant. In her confusion Leila looked at her mother who was almost glowing. Her mother then lit up and pointed in the opposite direction._

_"And see who comes there." She said in a happy voice._

_Towards them came Leandra and Leila stood up to greet her._

Leila awoke with a smile on her face and turned in bed to find Anders still fast asleep. She loved watching him sleep, as it was the only time his face ever seemed truly relaxed. She looked out the window and realised that the sun had not fully risen yet. Softly she kissed his cheek and carefully got out of bed. She walked to one of her chest and opened it. She took out some of the only things she had from her world. Her purse. She looked at the credit cards, passport and there was even some money still in it. The keys for her apartment were still there as well. She wondered what had happened to it. Had her father sold it? She wondered how her father was doing and if anyone still missed her after these five years in Thedas. Perhaps they though as little about her as she did them.

"Feeling nostalgic?" She heard a gently voice say, as she felt Anders' hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She said softly leaning her head back against his chest and looking up into his eyes.

"It's not your fault. I think I have become a little paranoid. I just can't sleep when you are not next to me." He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"So, any particular reason you brought this out?" He asked massaging her shoulders gently.

"I just had a dream." She replied.

"A nightmare?" He asked concerned.

"No, not a nightmare." She replied and turned in his arms, before throwing the purse on a bag.

He smiled and kissed her softly.

"Well, since we are up we might as well pack for our trip to Ferelden." He suggested.

"Since when did you become so practical?" She asked teasingly.

"Since I had two children." He chuckled and kissed her nose.


	86. Chapter 86 Forever

**Forever**

Anders was standing on deck looking at Denerim emerged in the distance. He had not been back in Ferelden for six years and the way he had left still haunted him. Memories of being hunted by templars across the country flooded his mind and he felt his hand instinctively going to his amulet.

"I am free. I am free. They can't capture me. I am free." He chanted under his breath.

Justice nearly took over when he felt Leila's arms around his waist and her cheek resting against his back, but the spirit resided, feeling oddly calm and safe even. Anders turned slightly and wrapped one arm around her before kissing her head.

"It's going to be interesting to see Ferelden after hearing so much about it." Leila said with a smile.

"Oh you know, smells of dog and barbarians everywhere. Not much to see." He smirked.

"Always complaining." She sighed with dramatics.

His face turned serious as he stroked her face lovingly. That serious would never leave him. It would forever be just below the surface, haunting him. A dark cloud of sorrow surrounding his being and only she would remind him that light still existed. Anders was not perfect, but he was good and that was all that mattered to Leila.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." She smiled softly and kissed him.

"So are you two going to be joining us at the Pearl?" Isabella asked abruptly from behind them with a smile.

Leila turned still in Anders' embrace and smiled at Isabella.

"I think we will pass." She replied.

"Spoil sport! Don't you two ever want to liven things up a bit? I would be happy to offer some excitement." Isabella winked.

"A third person would be just that. Completely ignored and hidden in the corner." Leila smiled and stroked Anders' cheek fondly, as he looked at her with adoring eyes.

"Suit yourself. We will be docking in a few minutes." Isabella replied and began giving her men orders.

A sudden worry came over Leila. She had just answered for both of them, not knowing how Anders felt about it. She would never want to share him with anyone, but perhaps he felt differently...

"Only you, love. I only want you." He whispered against her neck and she could feel him smiling.

"Only ever you." She replied and embraced him tightly.

* * *

Walking through Denerim Anders had to smile looking at Leila. She was looking around with excitement and enthusiasm taking in everything. He wondered if that would ever change about her and found that he dearly hoped it wouldn't. Denerim was less grim than Kirkwall, that due to its Tevinter origins was dismal, filled with architecture looking like prisons and intimidating statues. Denerim was more farm-like in its architectural style that gave it a feeling of home and comfort.

"It looks like something from the medieval times." Leila said with a smile.

"Medieval?" Anders asked.

"Oh, our society was much like this around five hundred years ago. Kirkwall is a little as well of course, but this seems more... warm." She replied looking towards the market.

"Where Kirkwall seems more cold." He replied.

"And unforgiving." She said solemnly.

"Not anymore. Kirkwall has you." He smiled fondly wrapping his arm around her waist as they walked.

"Flatterer." She smirked.

"So what was your world like, when it was more like this? Less cruel I hope." He said with a sigh.

Her many descriptions about her world had made him create a romanticised picture of it in his head. A world with more justice, at least in her part of the world, and more compassion. To his surprise her face turned grim and he was uncertain if it had been wrong of him to ask.

"Actually we call it the dark ages." She said with a little resentment in her voice.

"How cheerful." He replied sarcastically.

"In that time religion ruled like the Chantry does here. For five hundred years science was outlawed and any who did research anyway had to do it in hiding. If not, they would be captured and likely executed for sacrilege. There is no magic in our world and still people were being prosecuted for witchcraft. They were burned and drowned, for supposedly having gifts that did not exist. So many were killed, because of superstition and by a religion that wanted power and was fearful that anyone should oppose them. The dark ages paused our society completely for centuries, but we all need to evolve to survive." She explained.

Anders stopped dead in his tracks. Five years he had known and loved her, but she had never told him this before. He had never once thought of what the reason was to why she helped the mages, beyond her kind heart. He took her hand gently and pulled her into an alleyway and looked at her seriously, after making sure they were not being watched.

"That is why you are against the Chantry having political influence." He said in low voice.

"Yes. History is meant to teach us so we won't repeat the mistakes of the past. My world is not perfect, far from it, but it is evolving. We cannot reach for peace and happiness if we are under the illusion that it already exists. I just hope that trying to provoke the change here, was the right thing to do." She sighed, obviously concerned about the consequences of her choices.

Anders stroked her hair fondly and smiled softly at her. He felt a small sense of relief when she returned his smile and leaned into his touch.

"It was the right thing to do. Now let us get to the palace. Elissa and Alistair are probably wondering where we are." He said softly taking her arm in his and leading the way.

At the palace they were greeted with all the formality of a formal visit and the four friends looked at each other, feeling all of it very misplaced, but it was important to keep up these relations formally. Ferelden's nobility had been worried about having an alliance with a leader so determined to go against the rules of the chantry. With the support of the Divine or not, not everyone within the Chantry approved of her approach and it left people hesitant to ally themselves with the Viscountess. But keeping up these relations in this formal manner helped to give the nobles an idea of the woman their King and Queen had formed an alliance with. Of course some of the were highly offended that the Viscountess had married a mage, but it was now old news and the nobles were far too busy making a good impression on the foreign royalty. Everything that could help the nobles affirm their own place in society was preferable to letting their political opinions known. Especially when their own sovereigns had been known to support the mages.

* * *

Leila was getting ready for the banquette that evening and was somewhat relieved that they had decided to leave the children behind in Kirkwall. Aveline and Hawke had both offered to take care of the children in their absence and Leila was sure they were taken good care of, even though she missed them. She emptied one of the trunks to find a gown for the evening, but when she emptied it she saw her purse in the bottom of it. She picked it up and saw that everything was still in there.

"Why did you bring that?" Anders asked with wonderment, sitting on the bed getting dressed.

"It was an accident. It must have fallen into the trunk, when I looked at it last week." She shrugged and placed it on the bed, reaching for a dress instead.  
Anders picked it up and looked at the cards.

"I still don't understand how you can pay with this." He said with astonishment browsing through the purse.

"Technology my love." She winked and he chuckled.

"Well, some of your technology makes magic seem mundane." He replied.

She walked over to him and made him close the back of her dress.

"Are you ready to leave? I think the royals might be waiting for us." He said standing up and kissing her cheek.

"Yes, let us go."

* * *

After hours spent in company of the nobles Leila walked out on the walls of the palace and looked out over Denerim. She liked Ferelden. It seemed more like home, even if she had lived in Kirkwall for five years. Perhaps she simply preferred it because there were no remnants of a Qunari invasion, no circle harboured in the middle of the city, no memory of Leandra's death and why she had died. There was no one who looked at her and thought about the death of her first husband and father-in-law. For Anders however this place was filled with memories, both pleasant and unpleasant. She looked up at the sky and took in the black night with the stars shining bright. Five years and she still had no idea in which direction earth was. It was probably in some distant galaxy and she was probably separated from it with light years beyond counting. It was moments like these, where she remembered that she had not always belonged here. Light years and galaxies and other scientific concepts, was something that not even Anders could fully grasp. It was something in the core of her that she could never run from and never deny, a part of her that would forever be different. She was deep in thought that she was startled when something fell to the ground behind her. She turned to see a black cat that had knocked over a spear that rested against the wall. Leila smiled, but then looked at the cat intently. She noticed it had round irises like that of a human.

"Who are you?" Leila asked, not really sure if she was going mad.

Before her the cat transformed into a woman with long black hair, dark eyes that flashed golden and was wearing black and purple robes that made her look wild and untamed. Leila stood still and watched her, convinced had the woman been hostile she would have taken a different approach.

"You are not easily fooled." The woman stated.

"Maybe not, but quite easy to sneak up on it would seem." Leila replied as calmly as possible.

"So you are not going to call for the guards and declare that a dangerous apostate has swooped down upon you?" The woman said slightly mocking.

"Because, screaming out 'someone save me from the talking cat' sounds so convincing." Leila chuckled sarcastically and the woman smirked.

The woman then stared at her for a moment as if measuring her.

"You shouldn't be here." She said suddenly.

"I have an invitation from the Queen, which is more than what you have if I am any judge." Leila replied.

"No, you don't belong **here**. You were not born to this world, not raised here. Some things have changed while others have remained the same." The woman said with a curious expression.

"W-what do you mean?" Leila asked, suddenly feeling very uneasy.

"You know what I mean, but have no fear. I have no reason to expose you. Things have however become complicated because of you. The world should change, was about to change until you came along. There are those who resist change, but no one should have been able to prevent it." The woman explained.

"Could you clarify?" Leila replied, silently begging that Anders would come looking for her, as this was making her more uneasy by the minute.

"Your husband should have made a blow against the chantry that would have changed the world forever." The woman replied.

Leila felt her heart speed up and was convinced that all colour must have faded from her face. How did this woman know all of this? How could she possibly know that Leila was from another world? How could she have known what Anders had planned, when only so few knew about it and he had burned all plans of it? For he had burned them. She had seen him burn them. Doubt flooded her mind. Was he still planning some sort of action against the chantry and was this mage his accomplice in some way? They had promised no more lies, but they had proven that they would both lie and deceive in order to protect the other. The woman seemed strangely kind all of a sudden and gave her a comforting look. Not something Leila would have expected from this woman.

"I am not always good with people, but it was not my intention to frighten you. My name is Morrigan. I am a friend of Elissa and daughter of Flemmeth, if you know of her." Morrigan said with a smile.

"Flemmeth... Yes, she is the witch of the wilds and God knows what else." Leila replied and then continued. "Are you here because you want to subjugate the chantry?"  
Morrigan chuckled.

"You say that so calmly and with no offense what so ever, but no, I have another path I need to follow. But you strive for change, so maybe we could help each other out." Morrigan suggested and leaned against the ramparts.

"Help each other out how?" Leila asked suspiciously.

"I need to disappear for some time and make some preparations for when the world finally has to change. But that takes time that I do not have. I know where to hide and how to get there, but I am not familiar with the world and I need to hide." Morrigan replied.

"You want to hide on my home world." Leila stated with a knowing smile.

"Exactly so."

"Why should I help you? I have no idea what you intend to do." Leila replied suspiciously.

"Our goals are the same. What I will do, will ensure that your husband and children can live out their lives without having to fear the world around them. But I need time and for that I need to leave. You can give me information or not, but I will still go, but my chances of success will be greater with your aid." Morrigan said calmly.

"Why do I always end up in situations like this? I don't know..." Leila sighed rubbing her forehead.

"Are you willing to do less than your husband in order to keep those you love safe?" Morrigan replied.

Leila gave her a nasty glare. This woman was manipulating with her and Leila knew it. Sadly it was working too. Leila would do almost anything to help the world to change, but she was not sure this woman would do it for the better. Once again Leila felt like she would have to make a decision that she didn't know the outcome of. She had to trust someone she didn't knew if she could, with the slim chance that it could help the man she loved. Leila had never expected that love would ever influence her this much, but for Anders she would truly do anything... Leila rubbed her face, not knowing if she was gaining or losing her hold on herself, but inaction was not an option. She turned to Morrigan.

"Meet me in my room in a few minutes. I will help you, but I fear it is not much." Leila explained and headed towards her room.

Inside her room she walked over to her bags and picked up her purse. Perhaps there was such a thing as fate, since she had packed it by accident. Leila had to laugh at the absurdity. Fate was a term she had always found ridiculous and non scientific... so much had changed. The black cat jumped in the window and transformed back into Morrigan. Leila handed her the purse.

"This is filled with everything you need. There is identification, money and even a key to a place to live. Assuming you arrive around the time where I disappeared. My home is filled with everything you need. I suggest you use some time watching society in cat form, but be very cautious..." Leila began.

The next hour Leila told Morrigan as much she could about her and tried to prepare her for the unusual situations the witch would find herself in. Hopefully Leila would not regret it. Morrigan transformed into a black dove and flew out the window, leaving Leila alone with a mind questioning her action and a heart whispering that she was right to do it.

* * *

Leila returned to the banquette feeling uneasy, but it faded the moment Anders looked at her with adoring eyes. When he looked at her everything always seemed alright, even being torn from your world and losing everything. As long as he was there waiting on the other side, everything would be right. When Leila returned to the table the three former wardens became oddly quiet. Elissa and Alistair smiled at her and Anders reached for her hand making her sit beside him.

"Did I interrupt something?" Leila asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Warden business, but it can wait." Anders smiled fondly.

"Ahh, that kind. I think I might just go through the joining so my husband won't keep any secrets from me." Leila teased and Alistair laughed.

"I can just picture it. The mighty Leila Amell walking up to the darkspawn and reason them back into the Deep Roads." Alistair grinned.

"Shows what you know, your Majesty. I'll have you know I have fought Darkspawn." Leila said with overly faked coyness.

"Really?" Alistair replied clearly impressed and surprised.

"Which is exactly the reason why you should know better than to seek them out." Anders said firmly.

Leila gave him a mocking glare and Elissa laughed.

"I don't think you could ever change her mind about anything if she was truly decided upon it." Elissa said fondly.

"No, and believe me I have tried." Anders groaned.

"Oh, you poor sweetheart." Leila replied mockingly and Anders scowled.

"Anyway, I wanted Anders to visit Soldiers peek on your way back from Kinloch Hold. There is a warden there called Avarnassus. He is doing some research and I would like Anders to take part in it." Elissa explained.

"And this is where I want to ask, what it is, but I know you won't answer, so I'll ask this instead; is it dangerous?" Leila asked clearly worried.

"There are always dangers with magic, but I believe this will be worth the cost." Anders smiled softly.

Leila looked at him with a worried gaze, but closed her eyes and nodded in understanding. She leaned her head on his shoulder and in his ear gently whispered.

"Just tell me the cost isn't your life."


	87. Chapter 87 Cipher

**Cipher**

Anders was lying awake in and looking at Leila sleeping. He had awoken from another of his darkspawn filled nightmares. They were common enough, but thankfully not increasing. He feared the day his calling would come. He shivered so hard at the thought it awoke his wife. Slowly she opened her eyes as she caressed his cheek.

"Nightmare?" She asked vaguely, but it seemed more like a statement.

"Yes, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, love." He said softly, kissing her forehead.

She looked at him seriously then.

"How long will it be before you have to go through your calling?" She asked still stroking his face.

"Another twenty years if I am lucky..." He shivered again.

Leila pulled him close and stroked his back.

"You hope that you will die from something else before then. Hope that you will die for the mages." She stated and calmly.

He was still amazed by with what strength she could approach these subjects. He knew it hurt her, but she was still in control of herself and he doubted that anything could break her, like life had broken him. He found himself hoping that Maia was like her mother in that aspect. A mage with such willpower and control of mind would not only be powerful, but less susceptible to demons. The last one being the only one that mattered to Anders.

"Yes." He replied meekly.

In truth he was a little ashamed that he wished to leave his family sooner than necessary to spare him the discomfort... agony of dying through the calling. But the thought of being trapped alone, underground, in darkness and his mind flooded with the voices of countless darkspawn, was the most terrifying death he could think of. To the wardens it was an honourable death, but to him it was his worst nightmare. All of his fears and phobias combined into one horrific and lonely death, far from everything he loved and... pointless. Leila pulled back and stroked his face, looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite read.

"You don't have to go into the Deep Roads. It is just a tradition, not a must." She said softly and he shook his head.

"You saw Laurias. Imagine me walking around like that in all that pain. Who knows if I will even be able to control Justice by then... if I lose his fury there is no telling what he might do." He said solemnly.

"I know, but there is another options sweetheart. You could give yourself a peaceful death at home." She said softly.

"You mean kill myself... poison myself?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"As horrible as that sounds... yes. We could make your last day a happy one, surrounded by everyone who loves you and when you are ready to go, you can take the poison and fall asleep in my arms. I don't want you to die, but you have had such a difficult life, you deserve a peaceful death... if you want it." She replied seeming suddenly unsure if she had said something morbid and horrid.

Anders stroked her cheek softly. How he wanted to tell her why they were in truth visiting Avernassus, but he dared not get her hopes up. Besides it was warden business, he couldn't tell her about it. The only reason she knew about the calling was because of what happened with Coryphaeus.

"You know, that sounds like a much more pleasant way to go. I would rather that my last memories will be of your embrace than the cold floor of the Deep Roads." He smiled sadly.  
He could feel her trembling then and her eyes closed, holding back on her emotions. With all of her control the mention of his death was still painful. Time was a concept Justice didn't understand, but one that was haunting Anders. Everything always went to slow or too fast and most of the time both at once. Once again Anders faced a dilemma; do we give hope that might be a false one? Or do we anticipate the worst, so that if it comes we are prepared for it? He pulled her close and as the morning sun slowly showed itself on the horizon, the feeling of simply being near each other gave them comfort.

* * *

The next morning Leila was surprised to see Elissa running down the hallway in a hurry. She paused in front of Leila and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, but I have to say goodbye now. I have to leave on urgent business." Elissa said between breaths.

"What has happened?" Leila asked worried.

"Oh, don't worry. A friend of mine called Morrigan has been missing since the blight ended and now some scouts finally saw yesterday. I need to track her down." Elissa explained still breathing heavily.

"She needs to be captured?" Leila asked as a chill ran down her spine. What had she done?

"Maker no. Mostly I am just concerned for her wellbeing and we have a... private matter to discuss." Elissa replied the last part a little hesitantly.

"So she is a good person?" Leila asked hopefully and Elissa laughed.

"Hmm... that is a tricky one to answer. She is not a bad person, simply opportunistic and resourceful. But I have to leave now, with any luck I'll be back when you return from the circle and soldiers peak." Elissa replied and gave Leila a hug before running off again.

Leila leaned against the wall and released a breath. She still didn't know if trusting Morrigan had been right, but what she did was such a small gesture and she took comfort for the fact that Elissa trusted her. Though Elissa was strong headed and had a foolish humour rivalled only by her husband's, Leila knew her trust had to be earned and wasn't simply given.

* * *

Riding through Ferelden had been an eye opener for Leila. Seeing how some of the land was still scourged by the blight. She had heard of it of course, but words truly didn't do the damage justice. Everywhere people were struggling to build a life and their journey was delayed, as both Leila and Anders would stop ever so often to help the people around them. Though Alistair and Elissa did a lot for their people, the country had to fight hard to survive. Crops had only just started growing again and from what Leila saw, Ferelden had been close to being transformed to a wasteland like the Anderfels. This had affected trade and the general wealth, or rather lack their off.

After a long journey they were finally closing in on Kinlock hold. They were still far away, but the tower could already be seen in the distance. Leila looked to Anders, truly not knowing if it was fear that Justice should make his presence known or if it was worry for Anders' haunting memories. Most likely both. Aligning her horse with his she reached for his hand and caressed it fondly. He looked at her and managed a small smile. There was no sign of Justice, but memories of pain were plenty. There was an inn near Lake Calenhad, just were the small boat from the shore to Kinlock hold was located. Wearing civilian clothes and travelling alone with only a few of Alistair's guards had been the best option. As far as people knew the Viscountess and her husband were still in Denerim. With the attacks on Leila lately nothing was safe, but she felt the safest with Anders by her side. And since the attacks began he had never left it. Leila just didn't understand why Lord Seeker would try to have her killed with years between the attacks. It made no sense to her. Then again she was not in the business of assassinating anyone herself, so how would she know?

Anders stopped dead in his tracks as the tower came fully into view. Leila dismounted and encouraged Anders to do the same. She then made the civilian dressed guards take care of the horses. The last two hundred meters to the lakebed, Leila and Anders made by foot. Anders holding Leila's hand tightly in one hand and his amulet in the other, they cautiously approached the lakebed and looked towards the tower.

"This was the lake you swam across once?" Leila asked, trying to break the silence.

"Yes. We had exercises outside and I jumped into the lake. The templars couldn't follow because of their heavy armour. After that those lessons were cancelled... permanently. I was caught a week later though." He smiled a little wistfully.

"Let me guess, you were caught in the arms of a woman." Leila said teasingly, but knowingly.

Anders blushed a little and gave a cough that was a little ashamed.

"Need I remind you, that it was a woman who freed me? It just wasn't the right one at the time." He smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist looking down at her.

"So that was what you were doing all that time? Looking for a woman to free you?" She cocked an eyebrow with a doubtful glare.

"It wasn't my fault that you were stuck on another world, you know. You could just have gotten here sooner." He accused teasingly.

"You are free now, so why are you sticking around?" She challenged, still faking offense.

"I love you." He smiled and tried to kiss her.

She evaded him to tease him and giggled as he growled in frustration. One hand found its way to her neck and he kissed her forcefully, as she giggled against his lips. When he pulled away he had a smile on his face and she was happy that for the moment at least, she had dulled the hurt inside him.

"You know, I can't wait to see the Knight-commander and show him my lovely wife. Maker, the bastard hated me." He chuckled.

"Why do I suddenly feel like a trophy?" She replied once again feigning offense.

Anders growled with annoyance and suddenly lifted her over his shoulder, before walking towards the inn. Leila's face turned red from embracement and she could see the guards laughing under their breaths.

"Anders, put me down!" She shrieked a little panicky.

"No." He replied simply.

He walked into the inn with her still over his shoulder. She hid her face in her arms and was trying to suppress her laughter as he took her up to their room, the other guests laughing and whispering as they went passed them.

* * *

Leila awoke and found that Anders was not in bed next to her. She turned and saw him sitting in the windowsill looking towards the tower. Being so close to what had so long been a prison, from where templars had been sent to hunt him down, made him restless. And though it would be impossible for her to ever truly emphasize, she did sympathize. She quietly got out of bed and walked up to him. Gently she ran her fingers through his hair and felt him lean into her touch as his eyes slowly closed. He was so damaged and somewhere in that building had there been ignited a flame inside him, which now had become a full blown blaze of scorching vengeance. The untamed raging fire was hurting him more than anyone else. She pressed her lips against his temple and he rested his head against her shoulder. Leila knew his mind was being flooded with memories of heartache, but somehow asking about hem didn't seem right. If he wanted to talk about it, he would tell her. In silence they watched as the sun rose over Lake Calenhad.

They hardly spoke two words to each other that morning, as they travelled over the waters of the lake. Leila was concerned at first that Anders might lose control of Justice, but he had remained in control all the times he had ever been in the Gallows and in the circle in the Anderfels. With the exception of the time with Ser Alrik. This was partly the reason they didn't speak. She didn't want to break his concentration as it took all his willpower to keep the memories and Justice at bay. The memories that were accompanied by rage. As they reached the shore Anders paused at the lake bed and looked up at the tower. He was looking almost pale and his fists were tightened to the point where they lost all colour. Leila stood in front of him and gently made him look at her, before she gave him a tender kiss.

"If you'd rather stay out here it's alright. I'll try and be quick about it." She smiled up at him.

"Yes... Even from here I can feel my throat tighten. I'll be inside in a little while." He replied and she could feel a small shudder coming from him.

"I love you." She said softly and kissed him again.

He looked at her with adoration and for a moment all his discomfort seemed dissipate.

"I love you too." He smiled.

Leila turned and walked towards a building which walls and inhabitants had scared her husband to such a degree that nothing could ever cure him. Nothing could rid him of the vengeance poisoning him and Justice. The large wooden doors opened and the building towering above seemed almost threatening to her. She might have admired the architecture if not for the fact that there were no windows. It was a prison, no matter what terms and justifications people used. The air inside was incredibly dry and there was no natural light to be had. It was no wonder that some mages, she had seen, looked so pale and almost sickly. She was greeted by a templar, but rather than having a conversation with him, she handed him the documents giving her access to the circles library. She walked down the hall and was led into the library. She was directed to sit at a table and wait. As minutes turned into almost half an hour, Leila stood up and looked at the book shelves. Looking at the labels she came across the section on spirit magic. Curious, since this was Anders' area of expertise, she looked at the books and pulled out one called "Spirit Healing through the Ages". With keen interest she took the book and sat down at the table looking through it. As she opened it she noticed some old notes in the back of the book and pulled them out. They were old drawings of a fierce tiger eating templars and proudly written at the bottom of the page was the name "Ser-Pounce-A-Lot". A loud laugh escaped Leila, realising whose notes she had just come across. Several mages looked at her frowning and hushed her, as she desperately tried to keep her laughter under control while tears formed in her eyes. Still giggling under her breath, she tried to clear her throat and continue to read through the book.

"What are you doing? Be careful!" A voice scolded.

She looked up and saw a mage with blond short hair looking at her with a disapproving frown. His robes was immaculately clean and from just looking at him and the way he addressed her, she instantly got the feeling that he was a bit neurotic.

"What am I doing?" Leila asked with genuine concern and looked around worried.

"You are bending the book too much. It'll crack the spine and the pages will fall out! Just thinking about it is making me dizzy." He objected.

Leila had to conceal a smile. Neurotic and immaculate had been the exact right words.

"I'm sorry. Forgive me." She apologized.

"Don't be sorry, just be careful." He noted and picked up the book examining it for any damage.

"Spirit healing... I haven't used this book in ages. If there something in particular you wish to know, this is my area of expertise." He offered kindly.

"Thank you for the offer, but it was out of mere curiosity. I am actually waiting for a linguist, but I think the templar may have forgotten about me." She replied looking in the direction she saw the templar vanish into.

"Oh, so you were the one. You are Leila Amell then, the Visco..." He began looking at her with slightly widened eyes.

"No titles required. I prefer to be anonymous." Leila hushed him with a smile.

"Alright, though many are going to be disappointed. You are quite famous and revered among some of the mages here." The mage replied.

"And infamous among the templars, no doubt." She replied with a sigh.

"Aren't we all? I am Finn and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm the linguist." Finn replied putting his hand forward.

"A pleasure, Finn." Leila replied taking his hand and he sat down opposite her.

"So what was it you wanted me to take a look at?" He asked and Leila handed him the notes taken from the assassins hired to kill her.

He reached for the notes and by accident took the old notes from the healing book.

"Look at these. Anders must have left them in here ages ago." Finn mused.

"You know who made them?" Leila asked with a smile.

"Well yes. He was a mage here once. We were in the same class. He was a wild one. Always getting into trouble. He never stopped trying to escape... I haven't heard from him since his last attempt. I wonder what happened to him." Finn wondered looking at the drawings.

"Oh you know. Got conscripted by wardens, got permission to live outside the circle and married a pretty girl." A voice said coming from the doorway.

Leila smiled brightly and looked at Anders who winked at her.

"By the Maker! Anders! You certainly managed to stay out of the templars reach for quite some time. How did they catch you?" Finn said with astonishment.

"They didn't, I am a free man now." Anders repeated and couldn't help but chuckle at Finn's expression.

"Then why in the void would you come back here?" Finn asked raising his eyebrows.

"It wasn't my first choice, but I had too." Anders said solemnly, as walked up behind Leila and placed his hands on her shoulders.

Leila looked up at him with a soft expression and stroked one of his hands.

"This is your... wife?! I heard she married a mage, but I never figured it would be you. After all you were never... well I mean... after all the women you used to... ehm, so this is the notes you wanted me to take a look at?" Finn replied looking away, clearly worried he might have revealed something he shouldn't have.

Leila and Anders looked at each other and suppressed a joined chuckle. Anders then sat down next to her and kissed her cheek fondly, before Leila reached for the drawings and showed them to him. He smiled with amusement as he looked at the drawings, but then looked at Finn not able to shake off the reason they were there.

"Does it make any sense to you?" Anders asked taking Leila's hand and squeezing it a little.

"Just a moment..." Finn snapped clearly deep in thought.

Leila and Anders remained quiet, trying desperately to be patient. Though as the minutes passed it seemed like hours. Finn then suddenly looked up at them.

"Aha, I got it. It's a rare form of encryption, but once the syntax is deciphered it is quite easy to read. You see the system is..." Finn began.

"Please, just tell us what it says." Anders insisted, but remaining kind.

"Yes, of course. Well, it seems that the resolutionists are the once behind these attacks." He began.

"The mages? Why on earth...?" Leila said with great worry.

"Well, they want to encourage the mages to rebel. If a prominent person and supporter of mages was killed and it looked like it was instigated by the Chantry..." Finn began.

"Then it would cause a great disturbance within the circles and possibly encourage more of the fraternities to break away." Leila finished, rubbing her face.

"They intend to sacrifice you... make you a martyr!" Anders said with a rage becoming apparent on his, but was quickly replaced by worry as he looked at Leila.

He pulled her close for a firm kiss, ignoring Finn shifting uncomfortably and clearing his throat. After the kiss Anders looked into her eyes, with an expression that was both firm and devoted.

"I won't let them harm you." He vowed.


	88. Chapter 88 Ticking down

**Ticking down**

Anders was walking back and forth in the room, prowling like a mad beast in a cage. The worry Anders felt was only superior to his anger. They mages were willing to kill Leila to free all of their kind and it started a whirlpool of emotions inside him. It was not that long ago that he had been willing to kill the Grand Cleric and everyone else inside the Chantry in order to free them. Not long ago he had wanted to force Meredith to invoke the right of annulment and by extension kill many innocent mages, to change the world. He had been... he was capable of something like this and that frightened him. He tried to tell himself that he would never slaughter an ally, never turn against someone who wholeheartedly supported their cause... and at least in that he was right. Somewhere in the back of his mind "hypocrite" was shouted at him. He had lost his way and lost himself, but he no longer knew what the starting point was. He looked over at the bed, where Leila was sleeping. He had given her something relaxing in her tea to make her fall asleep. He was not so kind to himself, as he felt he deserved to be tortured. He should have resisted getting involved with her so long ago. Instead of giving into that kiss, he should have pushed her away. Had he treated her with contempt and lied to her, told her that he didn't love her, it would have broken her heart, but surely it was better than this. He got back in bed and wrapped his body around hers, her back pushed into his chest. He stifled a sob as he burrowed his face in her hair.

"I'm so sorry, love." He whispered in a broken voice.

* * *

Walking through the elevated heights, Leila felt her breath getting heavier. Her lungs seemed unable to get enough of the thin air, which was so cold that in burned down her chilled throat. She looked at Anders who barely seemed effected by it.

"Bloody warden stamina." She groused under her breath.

She saw him slightly smirking, but he made no remark. She knew he felt guilty for the people hunting her, but he had no part in it. Though she was sure she would never convince him of it. The snow creaked under her boots and she found herself smiling, as she turned her face towards the blue clear sky. Anders smiled softly at her wrapping his arms around her waist and pulled her close. In his arms she realised that they were standing before a large keep. Soldier's peak. It looked haunted and depraved of life. Yet as they entered the courtyard they saw it filled with merchants and wardens. Not something she had expected. Anders took her hand and held as if a lifeline. Once again Leila was reminded that her husband was haunted and there was no cure. The only thing she could do was love him and hope it would bring all his traumas at a distance.

Inside Anders was greeted by the wardens and handed them a letter from Elissa.

"I see. If you'll come with me, senior warden? Avernassus is waiting for you." The warden smiled.

Anders brought Leila's hand to his lips, before letting go and walking away. Words had barely been used between them since they left Denerim. Words no longer had any meaning it seemed. Any sentences they could utter would be nothing more than empty promises, which were not in their ability to keep. Leila sighed deeply, hoping that the air would fill the vacuum inside her heart. But as soon as she released it, she knew the vacuum would return.

* * *

Anders walked up the stairs and tightened his fists. All the death that had been in this place... he could feel it underneath his skin, as their cries for justice rung in his ears. The veil was thin. Avernassus was a blood mage warden, who had lived for over 200 hundred years. His blood magic had sustained him and kept not only the taint at bay, but aging as well. He had used the years researching the taint and he had sacrificed the lives of his fellow wardens to do it. Flashes of their horrible deaths went through Anders' mind and Justice roared. Everything about this place seemed wrong and unnatural. Yet, Elissa had allowed him to live and continue his research. She was not willing to let those wardens sacrifice, be it willing or not, go to waste. Their deaths could not be undone, but at least she could give them meaning. Anders understood. Justice didn't. And now he was to contribute to this. Thankfully, Avernassus' work was now done in what was called ethically acceptable. Anders scoffed. What the wardens considered ethical was a grey area, which remained undefined. Two hundred year old bloodmage and butcherer of his brothers in arms; allowed to continue his work. Twenty-four year old healer merging with a spirit of Justice, who had served the wardens; Abomination labelled 'kill on sight'. Justice was a limited concept in this world.

He walked up the creaking stairs and tried reminding himself why he was there. Avernassus had been given research on the Architect and some older records Elissa had come across. He was now trying to find a way to contain the taint within the wardens; prolonging their lives and possibly avoiding the Calling all together. Elissa and Alistair had begged Anders to give some of his blood to Avernassus and be tested by him. Their five year old son, Duncan, was carrying the taint within his blood and was as likely as only pass thirty as he was to reach fifty. Anders understood their terror. They had all of them been adults, when subjected to the taint, but their child had not chosen this. Duncan deserved a chance at life... a full one. And so Anders had agreed. He heard voices as he came upstairs. A woman and a man were having an argument.

"You are insane old man." The woman scoffed.

"How dare you? Just because you do not have to go through the calling, you do not care about what this could mean to others." The old man replied, clearly offended.

"I am helping my people, while as you have been hiding from the Chantry for centuries. Coward." She replied.

"Yes, because getting locked up like a rapid beast was such a brilliant idea." The old man scoffed.

"I don't have to justify myself to you." She hissed.

Anders had to admit he was curious, but with the temper both of them had, he doubted they would take too kindly to him eavesdropping. He knocked on the door and the old man asked him to enter. Inside the large room stood an old, wrinkled and clearly sickly man and opposite him a female elf in robes, in the middle of her fifties, as far as Anders could tell. The room was old and the ceiling filled with cobwebs, in contrast to the working stations that were immaculately clean. Books and notes were everywhere.

"Who are you?" The old man asked bluntly.

"My name is Anders. I was sent by Queen Elissa." Anders clarified.

"Aaahh, yes of course. I'm Avernassus. Come in and we will get started." Avernassus replied walking towards one of the tables.

The elf looked at Anders for a moment and walked towards him.

"Anders... You are the mage married to the Viscountess of Kirkwall." She stated looking at him with wonderment.

"I am." He admitted.

"You convinced quite an influent person to help our kind. It is an impressive and greatly appreciated effort." She replied.

"She is my wife and what we achieve, we achieve together. She is not a puppet." Anders stated a little offended while crossing his arms.

"Loving her is probably enough. I am Grand Enchanter Fiona." The elf clarified.

Anders eyes widened a little. He had heard of her. An elf who once joined the wardens, but left them to enter the circle, with the purpose of changing things for the mages. She was a member of the libertarian fraternity and said to be hot-headed and a pain in the ass for all the templars. She supported freedom from the chantry and was not quiet about it. Justice rejoiced in meeting her. Finally someone else willing to right the injustice the templars represented.

"A pleasure to meet you Grand Enchanter." Anders said politely.

"Tell me, is your wife here with you? I would like to meet this woman, who challenges the Divine and manages to remove most of the templar order without spilling blood. If she was willing to do something more drastic the templars would be a thing of the past by now." Fiona replied and for a moment Anders was uncertain whether or not she was joking.  
"She is down stairs." Anders replied calmly.

In the back of his mind Justice agreed with Fiona, encouraging Anders to convince Leila to take more drastic measures.

"_Surely she must see that more needs to be done. The mages are still collared, thus our task is not done._" Justice whispered.

"_She will never willingly spill blood. Nor would I ever ask her to._" Anders replied.

"_Then we must._" Justice said sternly.

Anders pinched the bridge of his nose. Would this ever be over? Would there ever be any peace to be found?

"Are you coming or what?" Avernassus asked impatiently.

"Yes..." Anders sighed and walked over to the desk, pulling up his sleeve.

Several hours passed as Avernassus studied the blood drained from Anders. The old man looked puzzled, but didn't say anything. He walked over to the cabinet, took out a potion and handed it to Anders.

"Drink this and come back in the morning, so I can see the changes." Avernassus said.

"What is this?" Anders asked, narrowing his brows with suspicion.

"Something that should contain the taint, but until now it has only worked for a day or two. I want to see how it works with your blood." Avernassus replied.

Anders took a deep breath as it made him feel uneasy, before drinking the potion. For a moment it felt as if he became more aware of everything around him and the next everything seemed distant. He could feel his heart beat quicken and adrenalin making its way through his system. He felt every nerve in his body reacting, as he felt it impossible to stand still. He felt agitated and keeping his body still seemed impossible. As soon as the potion was drunk, Avernassus shooed him from the lab, giving him no explanation for the symptoms he was feeling, other than "It's normal.".

He almost ran down the stairs, his body filled with a need to keep moving. It felt as if he was a prey trying to escape its predator and simultaneously like he himself was the hunter. It was like panic and rage was mixing into an emotion impossible for him to predict. The thought of losing control of Justice ran through his mind. He stopped dead in his tracks leaning against the wall and grasping his amulet. Leila... he needed her. If anyone could calm him, she could.

Asking the few wardens he met in his path, he found Leila on one of the balconies looking out on the mountains. The night was cold and the stars were shining bright. Her face was turned towards the stars, as her arms were wrapped around herself. She was wearing her long cloak, but the chill in the air must have made her cold. Her breath creating clouds rising from her, breathing life into the air and with the beating of her heart it seemed to be carrying unspoken prayers with it to the heavens. A prayer that everything would sort itself out. Until she arrived in Thedas, war had always seemed a distant concept. Something you watched on a screen, your mind convincing you it was nothing more than fiction, so that you could bear it. Now she had seen death on a scale she had never anticipated and she wondered if she was still the same.

She bumped into Anders, as she turned around. His eyes met her and the suffering in them could not be contained. A desperate kiss was all that he could give her and she felt her lungs burn, as he devoured the last air left in her lungs. Her knees went weak and her head spinning. She wasn't certain if it was his kiss or from lack of oxygen. As he pulled away she gave a large gasp, trying to bring air back into her system. His arms embraced her waist and lifted her of the ground pressing her body against his. Only then did she realise how cold she felt. He was panting, almost grunting and he looked predatorily for a moment. Not sure what was bothering him, but desperately wanting to make him feel at ease she smiled at him. She broke from his embrace and walked to one of the large snowdrifts in the corner of the balcony. She turned to face him and with a smile she let herself falls backwards into the snow. This earned her an honest chuckle from him and as she looked at him, she saw the warmth hidden within his soul. Smiling brightly she moved her legs and arms, making him laugh.

"What are you doing, love?" He chuckled.

"Have you never seen someone play in the snow?" She asked with a smile.

"Not like that I haven't." He grinned and walked over to her.

She reached for his hands and he helped her up. She turned around and looked into the snow.

"That is an angel." She explained, pointing into the snow.

"Yes, you are." He breathed against her ear, standing behind her.

He pulled down her hood and his lips found their way to her neck. She moaned as his searing lips and molten tongue caressed her frozen skin. His hands travelled down the length of her, but even so she was surprised when one hand was between her legs and the other squeezing one of her breasts. She gave a short squeal at the unexpected intrusion, but Anders merely growled against her neck nibbling her skin. He could feel his heartbeat keeping its feral pace, as he felt a need he could barely contain. It felt as if the taint was raging trough him, unleashing everything primal in him. She turned and looked up into his hungry eyes. His lips claimed hers in a heated kiss. His lips melted her frozen ones and for a moment she wondered how come the cold at no effect on him.

"I love you." He breathed, before his tongue penetrated her lips.

Her knees went weak and Anders took the opportunity to lower her into the snow. Her body sank into the snow of the angel she had created as he continued to kiss her. She felt him dragging off her trousers, as the brazing could felt like needles on her thighs.

"Anders, it's cold." She whimpered.

"Then I'll warm you." He said huskily against her ear, as his burning hands ran over her icy skin making her sigh.

His hands met between her thighs and both thumbs caressed her smallclothes.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked in a thick voice, as a current emanated from his fingers and sent heat stirring through her.

She responded with nothing but a soft moan as her body arched. His lips once again devouring her mouth he pushed off her smallclothes. She felt the cold from the snow rising up from below her cloak, as some of her skin went numb. The adrenalin in him, made him press his groin against her thigh, as he groaned. She tried to open his pants, but her fingers were to cold. His own hands replaced hers and he opened them himself. Her cold hands went in under his robe and he hissed as her frozen fingers caressed his chest. Not bothering removing his pants, he only released himself enough to make love to her in the snow under the frozen night sky.

* * *

Anders stretched his body and found that for once Leila was up before him, sitting in front of the fire in the room granted to them during their stay at Soldier's peak. He felt well rested for once. He couldn't remember when he last felt that way. It must have been the potion of Avernassus', but it was only supposed to contain the taint. He had made no mention of it preventing darkspawn nightmares. Then again the old man had hardly been forthcoming. Anders remembered when he had first taken it. It had actually made all of it feel worse, until... A chill ran up his spine as he remembered making love to Leila in the snow. He had felt intoxicated and high, as if he had taken far too much lyrium. He hardly remembered how they had gotten to the room after, only that it felt as if all his energy had been released at once, making him feel utterly exhausted. He got out of bed and with haste steps walked over to Leila, kneeled in front of the chair and ran his hands over her with healing magic. Leila's eyes widened a bit and she smiled as him.

"Well, good morning." She grinned.

"Good morning, love." He smirked and gave her a small kiss.

"What are you doing?" She asked looking slightly amused.

"Well, since I am apparently too weak of mind to get you inside, **before**I undress you, I want to make sure you didn't get sick from the cold." He explained with a grin, continuing to move his hands over her.

She looked at him with an endearing smile and kissed him. When she pulled away she looked at him, while running her fingers through his hair. She bit her lip, as her expression became more serious. She was pondering something.

"What is it?" He asked, sitting down on the floor making himself more comfortable.

"I talked to Grand Enchanter Fiona yesterday. She told me something that... well, pissed me off to be honest." She said seriously.

"What did she want you to do?"

"It's not something she wanted me to do, but something that happened about nine years ago. During the last conclave. She wanted the mages to break away from the circle, but Wynne voted for caution and convinced the college of magi not to do it." She began explaining.

"Yes, I remember. I actually thought it to be insane for them to pull away at the time. How things change." He laughed bitterly, as he was reminded of the life fading away from Karl's eyes.

"It might have been prudent enough, but that was not what seriously angered me. After that the templars actually forbad the mages to meet. They must have been bloody mental! How stupid do you have to be to make that decision? 'Oh, we have a bunch of people who are feeling repressed and pissed. We just lock prevent them from talking to each other, that will surely calm them!'" She replied saying the last part mockingly.

"Exactly! How do they intend for us to prove ourselves and earn our freedom that way, when they won't give us the opportunity?" He replied with heated enthusiasm.

"I swear to you, they have brought all this unrest on themselves. They have the diplomatic skills of a darkspawn!... Idiots." She grumbled.

Anders smiled up at her and put a hand behind her neck before kissing her passionately. He pulled away and rested his head against hers.

"Sometimes I forget how amazing you are." He smiled.

"In that case you should pay more attention." She said with a large portion of self irony, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"So, do you intend to do something or did you just need to get this of your chest?" He asked.

"Well, right now there isn't really anything I can do. Wynne is in Orlais, so I can't get the other side of the story, which bothers me. Fiona said there is to be a conclave in Orlais next month and the future of the circle is to be decided then. I said I would help anyway I could after the decision has been made, but until then I will have to wait. Argh... waiting is driving me insane... I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and Justice." She sighed and kissed his nose.

Anders pulled her into his arms and burrowed his face in her neck. Truly he was unaware himself how he managed to get through it.


	89. Chapter 89 Vengeance

**Vengeance**

Anders was in Avernassus' lab and had just given him another sample of his blood. As he was waiting Fiona entered the room and sat down next to Anders with a smile. He looked at the aging lines along her eyes and wondered how long before her calling would come.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you here? With all the stirring in the circles, I would imagine you had something more important to do." Anders began.

"I am here for the same reason you are. The Queen asked me to give some blood in order to help her son." Fiona clarified.

"I see, but surely another warden could have provided it." He replied with a soft smile.

"No. I believe you were one of the wardens who met the Architect, am I right?" She asked.

"Yes, I was. He fancied taking my blood as well." Anders cringed his face looking at Avernassus in the other end of the room.

"Indeed... I met him over thirty years ago. He experimented on me. It still gives me shivers thinking about it. Regardless, it led to me not having to go through the calling. So here I am trying to save the life of the little prince." Fiona explained.

" I understand." He replied.

"Anders, I have a proposition for you. Would you like to attend the conclave in Orlais? We need people who have lived outside the circle and seen firsthand the changes that can be made. You could aid us greatly." She said seriously.

Justice stirred inside him. Exhilarated by the opportunity to aid the mages directly and not merely a pawn in someone else's actions. Anders' thoughts went to Leila. Normally he would not have hesitated, but with the attacks on her he wasn't sure he could agree to it. If she got hurt and he wasn't there, he would never forgive himself. Sensing his hesitation Fiona gave a sigh, but placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Just think about it. We are not all as lucky to have the Divine grant us freedom. I have to leave today, but if you change your mind let me know." Fiona replied.

Outside the room Fiona leaned against the wall and thought of the little prince whose life she had come to save. She would have liked very much to see him. Not to mention Alistair and Elissa. Anders was right, she was really far too busy to be bothered with something like this, but how could she refuse? Duncan Therin was her grandson, not that Alistair or Elissa knew that. Giving up Alistair and never have him know that she was his mother, was one of the hardest things she had ever done. If the people knew that the illegitimate son of King Maric, was not only mageblooded, but was also half elf everything would shift and end in chaos. She was grateful that the human genes dominated the elven characteristics, making Alistair look completely human. When Elissa had written she had been tempted to reveal the truth to them, but how could she? Her son was a good and kind king. Fair to mages and elves alike. Better that things remained as they were. Fiona took a deep breath. She had her own battle waiting for her in Orlais... she was so tired of fighting.

* * *

Avernassus looked at Anders again and down at his research.

"How long since you were conscripted young man?" He asked.

"Almost ten years, why?" Anders asked.

"Remarkable... There is a lot of taint in your blood, but it seems to be dormant. Your other cells are not deteriorating. Tell me, have you taken anything? Done something that has changed you somehow?" Avernassus asked a little excited.

Anders swallowed.

"Well... there is... Justice." He said a little hesitantly.

"Justice?" Avernassus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, it is a spirit of Justice. He lives inside me." Anders explained.

"You are possessed?" Avernassus asked narrowing is eyebrows.

"Yes."

"And you didn't think to mention this before? All of this has been a waste of time. I can't use your blood for anything. You fool, keeping this from me." Avernassus replied clearly annoyed.

"Why is my blood useless?" Anders asked confused.

"The taint is like a possession. It dominates our minds and removes our conscious. Similar to a demonic possession, but slower. But since you are already possessed that can't happen, now can it?" The old man scoffed.

"How do you know this?" Anders asked astonished.

"How do you think I have survived? By using blood magic I have let myself become possessed and dispossessed in order to prevent the taint from claiming me. One of the many benefits from using blood magic. But many other wardens are so squeamish about such things." Avernassus grunted.

Anders would have retaliated and scolded him for his use of blood magic, if not for one question standing clear in his mind.

"Are you saying I won't have to go through the calling?" He asked a little more hopeful than intended.

"Do I need to repeat myself, boy? You are already possessed, you can't be possessed again. So no overtaking by the taint, means no calling." Avernassus replied still irritated.

Anders gave out a short burst of laughter before running down the stairs. Downstairs he found Leila and ran towards her. He took her in his arms and twirled around before claiming her lips in a heated kiss. When he pulled away he rested his head against Leila's forehead.

"I don't have to go through the calling." He whispered with a bright smile.

"Are you certain?" Leila asked pulling away, not daring herself to believe those words.

"Quite certain, yes." He smiled.

She gave a loud squeal of happiness and threw her arms around his neck.

* * *

They were leaving the pass to Soldier's peak and making their way back to Denerim. Leila wondered if Isabella had become tired of the Pearl yet, but she highly doubted it. She looked at Anders and smiled. The happiness she felt, when he had confirmed that he wouldn't die of the calling could not be described. She had suspected it, after Death had hinted that should Justice ever be removed Anders would die sooner. Never had she been so grateful for the spirit, who she cared deeply for, despite his violent tendencies. She sighed. She was anxious about the conclave the mages were having, even more so if they didn't favour pulling away. She had no idea what it would do to Justice, but chances were that if they didn't, Anders dying of the taint wouldn't have become an issue in the first place. Leila was feeling weary, as life seemed so difficult and painful. She wondered how it could seem endless and pass so quickly at the same time? She looked at Anders again, who was pondering something. Either that or Justice was making his opinion known. The last option being the most likely one, considering the events during the last couple of weeks.

"Are you going to tell me, what is bothering you? Or do you want me to guess?" Leila asked.

Anders looked at her momentarily confused, but then seemed to pick up on what she had said. He took a deep breath.

"Fiona invited me to join the conclave in Orlias." He stated.

"And you want to go, but because someone is after me you won't let yourself." She replied.

"When did you become a mind reader?" He teased.

"When I married you." She teased back and he chuckled.

"Anders, you should go. The mages would benefit from having you there. Your first priority has always been mage freedom and I know that. " She said softly.

"You always understand. I don't deserve you." He replied lovingly.

"I know, so just you be grateful." She teased.

"When we make camp I can show you just how..." He began but stopped midsentence.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

He pulled her to stand behind him with one arm as the other reached for his staff. Feeling his tension Leila reached for her bow. She felt adrenaline run through her. She hated having to use it, even though she had become very decent with it. She had no desire to take a life, but if forced she would do it. She was more concerned if she would be able to deal with afterwards. The soldiers accompanying them stopped and drew their weapons. Anders looked around quickly and in his eyes she saw a flare of blue. A group of robed people appeared around them. Leading them was a darkhaired mage, who looked familiar to Leila, but couldn't remember her name.

"Maria!" Anders hissed angrily.

Leila saw a drop of blood run down Maria's fingers and it dropped down on the ground. Spreading cracks of light right formed on the ground and froze both Anders and Leila in place, binding them with red strings of energy. Cracks formed under the soldiers, and like spears penetrating the earth, pierced the soldiers instantly killing them. Anders struggled to get free, but the strings only tightened cutting through his clothes and into his skin. Short flashes of blue covered his eyes, but Justice didn't take over. With a flick of a hand the magic holding Leila in place moved away from Anders and dragged Leila with it. Leila hissed as the string cut into her and she could feel blood dripping from her. It felt like a thousand needles were being pressed into her. Maria smiled and walked over to Leila looking at her with satisfaction.

"You are difficult to kill. Surprisingly, considering how weak you are." Maria said with superiority.

"What do you want?" Leila asked, sounding more tired than afraid.

"Mage freedom of course. Killing you and making it look like the templars and seekers did it, will make any appeasement impossible. This impasse you have created will finally end." Maria replied, taking Leila's face digging her nails into her chin as she turned her head from side to side.

"**Don't you dare!**" Anders cried, fury burning in his eyes, Justice only barely kept at bay.

"You have forgotten what it is like to truly be a mage. What the templars hold is really like. And why? Because of her? I don't understand you Anders. She is not a mage and several years older than I am." Maria replied letting go of Leila and walking over to Anders.

She rested her hands on his chest and ran them up and down like a lover's caress. She leaned in, being taller than Leila, not having to raise herself to align herself with his lips. Anders' eyes flashed blue, but she didn't seem to notice.

"We could have it all, Anders. Together we could free the mages. We could make a world where we belong and where templars are a thing of the past. Make the world whole, not divided like the way things are now or like it was during the Imperium." She said in a sultry whisper against his lips, as she stroked his face lovingly.

Leila could hear the sincerity in Maria's voice. What she wanted and hoped for really wasn't that far different from what Leila and Anders wanted. Leila felt true compassion for the woman, even as she was holding them captive and the other blood mages was looking on. Blood magic aside, these people were not so different from the man she loved and in a way that frightened her. She thought she had come to terms with it, but this brought it all back. Anders' plan, the horrors of it.

"**Don't touch me! **Don't you see what you are doing? You are proving the templars right! Becoming your own worst enemies by turning to blood magic." Anders said angrily.

"You don't have to do this. What we want is not different from you. We want mages to be free just as you do. Do not become the monsters that the templars claim you are." Leila pleaded.

Maria looked at Anders with true hurt, before looking at Leila with jealousy, anger and hurt.

"Look at you, begging for your life." Maria scoffed.

"I am not begging for my life, I am begging for your future." Leila said seriously.

For a moment Maria looked confused, as did the other mages, but whatever doubt she was having it could not make her overcome, whatever had been done to her. Maria turned to Anders again.

"Reconsider. Join us Anders. I can love you more than she ever could. I know you. I know what it is like to be a mage. I understand." Maria said softly.

Anders made a sigh and shook his head.

"You know nothing of what I truly am and I'm sorry, but I can never love you. I love her and I always have, so if you truly care for me and the future of mages, let us go." Anders replied seriously.

Maria looked as if slapped as she backed away and anger showed in her eyes. Again blood started running from her wrists.

"**No!** You and all your talk of justice, was nothing but a lie. You might be hesitant to do what is necessary, but I am **not!**" Maria yelled at him.

The blood touched the ground and the magic around Leila tightened. The needles became dull razor blades and Leila cried, as she felt warm blood soak through the rips in her clothing created by the magic strings.

"**No!**" Anders roared as Justice's voice echoed.

A flash of blue light blinded Leila and when she could finally see again, Anders was free of the magic binding him. Anders was surrounded by the energy of Justice, which was now empowered by the force of vengeance inside him. He had grabbed Maria by her throat and held her high into the air, the other mages starring in shock. Tears streamed from Maria's face.

"Look we can make a deal, demon. Anything you like." Maria suggested with a faked smile, as the panic in her eyes was unmistakable.

"**I am not a demon!**" Justice roared.

Justice's grip tightened.

"Don't kill me! Please don't kill me!" She wailed.

A plea unheard by Vengeance as her neck was snapped in two with such a force, that her spine excited her throat. Leila felt terror reach her heart and felt utterly sick. As soon as Maria's dead body fell to the ground, the magic around Leila was removed and she fell gasping to the ground. Several of the mages began attacking Justice and Leila could feel the adrenalin spreading in her veins as survival instinct took over. She looked at the mages not attacking.

"**Run damn it! RUN!**" She shouted at them.

Awoken from their paralysis the mages, not fighting Vengeance, ran as fast as their legs could carry them. Those to confident in their power remained behind. Too sure of themselves they fell one by one before the fury they had unleashed upon themselves.  
"Justice stop! I beg you, stop!" Leila cried, but Justice didn't seem to hear.  
Maria had threatened, mocked and questioned everything the spirit believed in. Claimed he did not fight for the mages. Accused him of not being just. Called him a demon. Turned to blood magic and demons. And almost killed the only thing that mattered to Justice beyond the cause of mages; Leila. It was the anger of both spirit and host combined, as they were fighting for survival and to protect them. If he stopped as she asked, what was to stop the rest of these mages, who were one by one turning to demons, from completing their mission to kill her? "He is a force of vengeance and he has no grasp of mercy." Was how Anders had once described the spirit. Leila had to close her eyes at what was happening before her, until one unbidden thought entered her mind.

_"If he kills me, he will never forgive himself."_

The thought vanished however, as a rage demon formed behind. It took her arm and she felt a scorching pain on her flesh. Grabbing her dagger she punched it into its throat and the creature wailed in pain. Its cry awoke the attention of Justice, who instantly destroyed it with a frost spell. Leila knew she had nothing to fear from him, when a healing spell surrounded her removing some of the damage done to her. While protecting her Justice did not see the abomination behind him and it hit him with such a force that he was cast into the nearest tree. Justice coughed blood, but with a feral cry he charged the creature. Leila reached for her bow, but her arm was too badly burned for her to handle it. She couldn't fight and by staying there she only put Anders and Justice in more danger.  
The ground already soaked and muddied by the blood, Leila got to her feet and ran into the woods. Her heart was pounding violently, as her feet carried her at a speed she didn't know she was capable off. She had no idea for how long she ran, how far or how her body managed to do it, but when she finally stopped the forest had been surrounded by dusk. Breathing heavily she leaned against a tree and bent forward. Her stomach turned and she threw up. She honestly didn't know if it was for fatigue or what she had witnessed her husband do, but as the sight of their bodies entered her mind she threw up again. Again and again, her stomach tried to empty itself. She began crying as her body kept doing this volatile action, even as there was nothing left inside her. Finally it stopped and with stumbled steps she rested against another tree. Leaning her back against it she fell to the ground and burrowing her face in her arms, she gave a violent sob. Suddenly realising that, sitting on the cold ground in a forest filled with wolves, spiders and bears might not be safe, she found a tree and climbed up to the highest branches that would support her. She doubted that it would keep the most insistent of predators away, but hopefully they could not be bothered with her. The cuts on her body pained her greatly, but in her thoughts were only Anders. She was afraid, not of him but for him and suddenly she felt like she failed him. She had run from him and that could destroy what little confidence was left in him. She leaned her head back, sobbing breathlessly, realising that she might have destroyed what was left of the man she loved.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_It has been a little quiet lately, but I hope that you are still enjoying the story. The big finish is coming up soon, so if you have any suggestions or something you find unresolved please tell me:) Again thank you for your support and happy new year._


	90. Chapter 90 Aftermath

**Aftermath**

Dusk turned to night and night to dawn. Slowly Leila saw the sun rising as she felt paralyzed and empty. Seeing Anders... Justice... Vengeance, whatever name she would use for him, ripping the bodies apart... it was traumatizing. She had heard from Hawke what it was like to see Anders lose himself, but she had never seen it. She had seen Justice emerge, but never like that. Never exactly known what was hidden inside Anders and why he was so afraid of it. She had thought she knew. She had believed that it wasn't that horrible. She had not understood the extent of his rage until now. Once he had said he would drown them in blood to keep her safe and though she had never doubted it, she was not sure she had fully understood it.

The morning sun rising in the horizon was as red as blood and though pretty, it brought around images from the day before. She had not closed an eye all night and was still sitting in that tree overlooking the forest. The birds were chirping with delight, making promises of hope that would come with the new day. She heard the scattering sound of leaves and branches breaking, accompanied by footsteps. The footsteps stopped and Leila looked down. A man in black robes and feathers rested against a tree and burrowed his face in his hands.

"Anders..." She said softly in a low voice.

As if struck by lightning he looked up. He was covered in blood, but they were almost matched by the redness of his eyes. Fatigued and broken was the man looking up at her. Leila quickly crawled down the branches and Anders caught her in his arms as soon as she reached the lowest branches. Crushing her in his arms, he burrowed his face in the crook of her neck.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm so so sorry." He sobbed.

As he stood there all from the day before seemed less important. There and then he needed her to be the strong one, to defend him as he had done her. As violent as it had been, cruel was not a word she would ever use about him. To her he would never be the abomination others claimed him to be.

"Shh... it's going to be alright." She soothed.

"I never wanted you to see what a monster I am. Never wanted you to know what I am capable of." He replied holding her even closer.

"What you did was violent, but their deaths were quick and you only did it because you were pushed to it. To protect me." She said softly, hardly believing the words coming out of her mouth.

What surprised her the most, was that she actually believed them. She pulled away and looked into his watery eyes.

"You are not cruel. Even when you lose yourself you are never cruel. Cruelty is done by those who kill in cold blood and let their victims suffer." She said kindly, stroking his blood clustered hair.

"You ran away. I frightened you. Of all people I frightened you." He replied in a pained voice.

"I ran because I almost got you killed. The rage demon damaged my arm and couldn't fight. I would not risk your life, because of me... oh God... You could have died. I could have lost you." She breathed and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

She could feel herself trembling, but refused to let her tears fall. This moment was for his benefit not hers. Both tired and fatigued, they fell to the ground still holding each other close. The world of blood they found themselves living in, slowly drowning the softness in their souls. Only by clinging to each other could they hope that all that was truly good in them both would not be devoured completely.

* * *

Leila was standing on the deck of Isabella's ship, as they passed the white cliffs greeted by the ancient tevinter statues. The reminder of the city's haunting past. She really should have those removed. She looked towards the harbour and dreaded and looked forward to this afternoon. Her children were waiting for her and she longed to see them, she was however worried about explaining to them why their father would only be with them an hour. She had convinced Anders to go to in conclave in Orlais, but that meant that he would have to take another ship from Kirkwall directly. Leila knew he was eager to go, but also apprehensive. Since the attack almost ten days before, Anders had been unpredictable. He was not dangerous. Well, no more than he had always been. But he would switch between being determined and even hopeful, only to lose himself in melancholy and self-loathing. Nothing she could say or do would change it and it broke her heart. It didn't help that she had woken with nightmares the first few nights after. She tried not to wake him, to keep him oblivious to it, but he was a light sleeper so it had been almost impossible. She was worried about him going alone, when he was in such a mental state, but she could not follow him. Not in this. A part of her was convinced that he needed to go to this conclave. He needed to make a difference and as much as she wanted him at home, this was the man she married. She could not love the man, the mage and the spirit and not support that which he believed so wholeheartedly. Especially not when her children were both mages. She rubbed her head. What would her mother have thought of all this? Married to a man, had a daughter and adopted an elf, all of them with abilities she had grown up to believe was nothing but fiction.

She felt a presence behind her and to familiar arms crawl around her waist and pulling her against his chest. She felt soft lips kiss her temple, but no words were spoken. She could feel him smiling against her temple. She knew he was sad to be leaving her and the children, but he was also looking forward to the conclave. Anders was almost excited then. He hoped that this would help the mages to break away from the Chantry. Leila loved seeing him like this and regretted that she couldn't come. There was no beauty in the world that compared to seeing him smile.

As the ship docked Maia and Toby stood at the harbour waiting for them together with Hawke, Merrill and Albert. The children ran directly towards Anders who kneeled and gathered them in his arms. Quickly letting go of their father they embrace Leila with the same joy. After greeting Merrill, Hawke and Albert, Leila was surprised to see Bodahn and Sandal standing on the docks as well.

"Bodahn, what are you doing here?" Leila asked surprised, but with a smile.

"We are taking the next ship to Orlais, messere. It has been an honour serving the Champion of Kirkwall, but it is time for me and my boy to move on." Bodahn explained a little sadly.

Leila looked at Hawke, who seemed a little sad, but was smiling.

"You will be sorely missed." Leila smiled fondly, ruffling Sandal's hair.

"You as well. We are going to the Imperial court. Sandal is going to work for the Empress herself." Bodahn said proudly.

"I'm not surprised. Sandal is very talented." Anders replied with a smile holding Maia in his arms.

"Enchantment!" Sandal said happily.

"As it happens I am taking the same ship to Orlais. We could travel together if you like?" Anders suggested.

"Your company would be most welcome, Master Anders." Bodahn replied.

"You're leaving?" Toby asked with tears in his eyes looking up at him and Maia began crying, while clinging to his neck.

Ander kneeled down and looked at both of them.

"Remember that place you were in, before you met uncle Garret and your mother?" Anders asked carefully and Toby nodded.

"There are more places like that and I have to talk to some people, so that other children won't have to be taken from their parents. Do you understand?" Anders asked with a soft expression.

"Yes... then others won't lose their Papa." Toby said with understanding.

"Exactly. Now be good until I return and I won't be gone long I promise. Will you look after Ser Purrcival for me?" Anders smiled and Toby nodded a little proudly.

"Father, will someone come and take me?" Maia asked with teary eyes.

"No, I won't allow it. I promise you." Anders replied pulling both his children into his arms and kissing their heads.

"Anders, would you care to tell me what this is about?" Hawke asked and Anders nodded before leaving the children with Leila.

Walking away from the other's with Albert and Hawke, Anders began explaining.

"There is to be a conclave in Orlais in a few weeks and I have been asked to attend." Anders began.

"What is a conclave?" Hawke asked, having never been in the circle and kept far away from everything that had to do with it all his life. Well, until Kirkwall.

"It is a gathering of all the First Enchanters and other celebrated mages within the circle. They meet to convey different ideas and issues." Albert explained.

"So it's a union for mages? When did they allow that?" Hawke chuckled.

"They barely do." Anders grumbled.

"Not exactly, but close. The last conclave was held almost a decade ago. Because Grand Enchanter Fiona wished the circle to pull away from the circle, the templars and chantry have been reluctant to let the mages have another. They have been gathered of course, but always in smaller, manageable groups." Albert continued.

"So you are going to storm in there and tell everyone to rebel? Are there any seats left? Can I bring snacks?" Hawke joked.

"Something like that. The Chantry elsewhere will have to implement some of the changes done here. If they don't, then there will be no way to change things peacefully. They force our hands." Anders said with determination.

"You do of course realise that you are only going to make things worse? You can't just go in there and demand that they change. Trust can only be earned, not forcibly taken." Albert replied crossing his arms.

Anders groaned in annoyance.

"I don't have time for a debate on the matter now. Albert, will you train Toby while I'm gone? I would ask Hawke, but he is always busy cleaning up thugs in lowtown." Anders smirked.

"Yeah... you know I think Aveline leaves some of them alone on purpose, just so I can beat them." Hawke mused.

"Why in the name of the Maker would she do that?" Albert asked with a smile.

"I think, she believes she will have to arrest me at some point, if she doesn't keep some around to entertain me." Hawke chuckled.

Anders and Albert chuckled before agreeing and half an hour later Anders was on his way to Orlais.

* * *

**Two weeks later in Orlais, White Spire**

They were all gathered in the great hall of the White Spire as the conclave was about to begin. Anders had to hold Justice in check with all of his willpower, but it had nothing to do with the templars, the windowless walls or even the knowledge that Lord Seeker Lambert was nearby (the Seeker who had tried to have Leila killed at one point). No, this was in relation to something he had discovered earlier. Like Leila had said, the Divine was trying to find a cure for tranquillity. A week ago a tranquil named Pharamond had discovered a way to undo it. On himself no less. The rite had been reversed and Pharamond had regained all of his emotions. The reason Anders was upset was because Lord Seeker had demanded that he should be made tranquil again and the Divine had agreed. Even now, when they were trying to change the circle, would they use that which many mages hated the most. And they would subject that poor man to it twice! Maybe he had been a fool to think that things could ever change peacefully. Perhaps destroying the Chantry had been the only way. They were currently waiting for Pharamond and people were getting restless. Anders failed to see the point. Did the templars simply want to rub their noses in what they could do to them? Probably.

Grand Enchanter Fiona stood up and greeted Anders with a subtle nod, before knocking her staff into the floor, getting everyone's attention. Declaring that she did no longer wish for Pharamond any longer.

"This is the first time in a year we've been allowed to together for a year, and I'm not going to waste it. I am putting forward a motion to separate the Circle of Magi from the Chantry." She said loudly.

Everyone looked shocked, besides Anders who was smiling with satisfaction. He liked this woman. Justice roared inside him, as the promise of fighting for justice could finally be expressed openly. And they had support from the most important mage of them all. Anders' eyes narrowed as the templars guarding them moved towards the doors, expecting the mages to become violent at any moment. Wynne stepped forward from the crowd.

"We are here to discuss Pharamond's research. Nothing more. If you derail this conclave, Fiona, we will never get another." Wynne said with stern insistence.

Fiona huffed.

"This isn't a conclave. This is a joke! We would discuss the Rite of Tranquility until we were blue in the face; do you believe the templars would even _think_about following our advice?" Fiona replied with annoyance.

"The Divine is willing to..." Wynne began.

"Fuck the Divine!" Fiona exclamied.

Anders had to bite his tongue from laughing, as the other mages looked at her with disbelief at the blasphemy. It was a shame that Fiona and Leila had not gotten to know each other better. Fiona sighed.

"I'm certain the Divine is a perfectly nice person. So was Grand Cleric Elthina in Kirkwall. She did her best to keep everyone happy, and what happened? Nothing was resolved, until the Knight-commander tried to make a coup and kill the Viscountess. The Viscountess then had to take action. She accomplished what her predecessors couldn't. She removed most of the templars and gave the mages rights beyond those the Chantry will permit us." Fiona argued.

Anders smiled softly to hear Leila spoken about in such a way.

"She is a sweet, but naive girl, who is far too trusting. If she continues like this she will have begun an Exalted March." Wynne frowned.

"She is a visionary!" Fiona insisted.

"Yes, but her advisors are reckless, impatient and even volatile." Wynne replied, briefly looking at Anders.

Anders could feel his anger boiling in his veins, as Wynne's piercing eyes conveyed her disappointment in him. He had seen it enough times as an apprentice to know.

"You can talk to me directly you know." Anders said loudly and stepped forward.

"Some of you might know who I am. My name is Anders, I am a former mage of the circle in Ferelden and Grey Warden. I'm guessing that I'm the influence to which Wynne is referring, as I am married to Viscountess Leila Amell. For years now she has tried to find a peaceful solution and make a transition for us to become a part of society. She has tried to show not only the world, but the mages ourselves, that we can contribute to society... beyond being kept as pets until war breaks out. And now I come here and see that all the work she has done, is ridiculed by templars, while they make empty promises and false hope. Why show us that there is a way to undo the Rite of Tranquility, when they do not intend to use it?" Anders argued heatedly.

"She has." Wynne agreed before continuing. "But if we want the freedoms that she has represented, then we need to show the world that we are capable of restraint and worthy of that trust. Not go around making promises of war."

"They can't imagine a world with room for all of us." Anders scoffed.

"Your wife did." Wynne countered.

Anders' eyes met her and for a moment he was left speechless, before Wynne continued.

"What Pharamond has discovered has given us an opportunity. In the face of evidence that the Rite of Tranquillity is faulty, the Divine has the excuse she needs to reform. That will be a beginning, I promise you."

"You promised us as much at our last conclave. And look where we are. We know how you feel, Wynne, but the Chantry can't wait to decide when it's safe to do what is right. Anders is right. They are holding us at arm's length, with the prospects of a future they will never give us. They have had a thousand years to come to trust us. They won't do so now, just because we ask politely. Anders and I come from the Grey Wardens and in the Wardens we learn to watch for our moment and seize it... and that moment is now." Fiona replied.

Anders could feel Justice raging inside him, desperately wanting to make his opinion known. In speaking up Anders had defended his point of views and his wife, but he was paying the prize now. He walked to the side of the room and leaned against the wall, annoyed with himself that he could not continue the debate. But there was no way that it would be useful for Justice to show himself now. Wynne looked at him for a moment and there was concern and pity in them. The only mage in Thedas who could truly understand what he was going through with Justice and they were on opposite sides of the political debate.

* * *

** Kirkwall**

Leila was tending to her duties in her office and the pile on her desk seemed never ending. She took a deep breath and released it with a chuckle, while rubbing her face. This was going to be a long day. She jumped from her chair, when the door flew up and Albert came through the door breathing heavily.

"Maker's breath! What's wrong?" Leila breathed with worry.

"The white spire... the mages... was attacked... the circle... has rebelled." Albert said between breaths.

Leila's heart stopped.

"Survivors?" She asked, not truly sure she wanted the answer.

"We don't know." Albert replied looking at her with true pain in his eyes.

Leila's eyes dropped for a moment. She closed her eyes took a deep strangled breath and rubbed her face. When she looked up again, she seemed calm and collected.

"What was the reaction in our circle?"

"The situation is tense, but Cullen and Thrask are keeping the templars in line. Alain and I are trying to do the same for the mages. We are just... waiting I suppose. But for what I am not entirely sure." He replied.

She nodded and took her quill and began writing a letter. She picked it up and blew on the ink to make it dry quickly. Albert held his hand forward and conjured a small wind spell drying it completely. Leila gave a small smile as thanks and sealed the letter.

"Give this to Knight-commander Cullen." She requested.

"As you wish... Are you alright?" He asked carefully.

"I have to be." Was all she replied and he nodded with understanding, before rubbing her shoulder in an attempt to comfort.

* * *

_-OOO- Author's note -OOO-  
A lot of the dialogue in the White Spire is quoted or inspired by David Gaider's book Asunder. The changes I have made are mostly in regard to Anders, since he did not blow up the Chantry in this "timeline". For those of you who have read the book, I hope you you found the changes I made fitting. For those who havn't; it is a really good book. Especially if you are Pro-mage._


	91. Chapter 91 Waiting

**Waiting**

Leila leaned against the windowsill and looking out over Hightown, unable to focus on her work. A month had pasted since they heard that the conclave in the White Spire had ended with the circle rebelling. They knew nothing of the circumstances and she had heard nothing from Anders. There had been casualties on both sides, but she refused to believe that Anders was among them. She just couldn't allow herself to give into despair. Not when so many were counting on her to remain strong and resolved. The people of the city had suffered enough with the Qunari and trouble with the mages. They did not need this conflict to threaten them as well. Leila sometimes thought she was losing this battle, trying to bring peace to a society so obsessed with war. Even her own husband wanted this rebellion. He had tried to trust her, she knew he had, but the call of justice living inside him was stronger in so many ways. And now war was coming anyway. She laughed at herself. Her ridiculous notions, that she could singlehandedly make up for neglect, suppression and torment that had lasted a thousand years. The dice had been cast long before Leila even arrived in Thedas. Perhaps she was not much of a butterfly after all.

Her thoughts drifted to Anders again. Always back to him. Explaining to the children why their father had not come home yet had been near impossible. She didn't want to lie to them, but neither did she wish to frighten them. So she stalled them with hope that he would be home soon enough. Sometimes she wondered if she did this as much for her own benefit. As long as she had not heard that he was dead, there was a change he was alive. The more logical part of her whispered "Or the templars have burned his body with the other mages and there is no evidence to tell either way". She wanted to destroy that part of her mind and wondered if that was what Anders felt like constantly with Justice. Having two parts of you constantly at war. Disagreeing on something important to you. Feeling like you were being pulled in two directions at once and everything you were to begin with dies in the attempt to create balance. The worst part was that she knew the others had given up. Albert had lit a candle for him in the Chantry, trying to come to terms with his brother's death. Fenris and Isabella had more calmly accepted his death and had even drunk to him at The Hanged Man with Varric and Hawke. Leila had to smile that Fenris would actually honour her "abomination" in such a way. Aveline had tried to be supportive, telling her stories from when she was in the army. Telling about times where they believed someone to be dead and they came back after all. Leila found this heart warming, even as she knew that Aveline didn't truly believe he was coming back. Hawke was trying to be optimistic and encouraging, especially to the children. He told them stories about the great Anders and his achievements, with embellishments that would put Varric to shame. Varric himself tried to be encouraging, but he could never entirely hide the concern for his friend. Merrill, bless her heart, was probably the only one who truly believed that Anders was still alive. Because of this Leila had spent much time with her recently and had her look after the children more. Anders had always been reluctant to let Merrill alone with them, because of the blood magic, but Leila was not nearly as concerned. And the children loved their aunt very much.

Not unexpectedly it knocked on the door and Knight-Commander Cullen came through the door, with a heavy expression on his face. Leila felt bad for the poor man. First he had been tortured by blood-mages in the tower in Ferelden. For a time, he could no longer recall the duration of, he was kept in a magical prison and saw his comrades murdered before his eyes. After that he had decided that mages were... cruel was too strong a word, but untrustworthy and nothing but monsters waiting to happen. He had been vigilant about keeping the mages in control, which was why he had become the right hand of Meredith so quickly. Then his world had been turned around again by Meredith herself, as it was revealed to him that everyone could be corrupted. Cleaning up after that incident had not been easy either, but by removing many of the templars it had made it easier. Leila expected that his spirit had been somewhat broken and that was why it went so smoothly. And with the support of the Divine, no one had bothered to interfere. Openly anyway.

"Cullen, I'm happy to see you." Leila smiled fondly.

This earned a small smile from him.

"There was a time where I was convinced you would never utter such words to a templar. Not the first mistake I have made." He sighed.

"Nonsense. We might not always agree, but I always value your opinion and input. Please sit down." She replied gesturing to the chair.

Cullen sat down and looked at her with a grim expression.

"I had word from the templar command today. All the circles have rebelled." He said seriously.

"And how is the situation in ours?" She asked concerned.

"The mages had vocalised that they wish to join the rebellion. But rather than attacking they have formally requested that the templars leave."

"Well that's a relief at least." She released a small breath.

"It's out of respect for you I imagine. I certainly know of a mage who wouldn't otherwise have taken the opportunity to attack." He scoffed slightly.

"You make them all out to be villains. We both know that it is not so." She smiled softly.

"Maybe you're right. You should also know that the templars have pulled away from the Chantry. We are all of leaderless now it seems."

"I had expected that they might, if someone wanted to gain power. But why now?" She asked a little shocked.

"The Divine openly supported the mages and helped many escape from the White Spire. Little is known however. Some templars and Seekers still remain loyal to her holiness, as are you I hope." He inquired carefully.

"The Divine supported me when I needed it. I owe her nothing less in return, even if I didn't like her as much as I do." Leila smiled softly.

"So, in regards to the templars... If I want to avoid I bloodbath I see no alternative than to give into their request, as there isn't as many of us as their used to be." He continued.

"I think that would be wise. I suggest that you let the templars assigned to guarding the Chantry stay and that you leave yourself or Thrask in control of them. I would also suggest that those who do not wish to leave Kirkwall, join the guard as law enforcers." She replied.

"Are you sure that's wise? The mages might not like that templars remain in a position where they can capture them, not to mention the lyrium the templars would need." Cullen pointed out.

"I intend to make a small division of the guard that consist of mages and former templars, which will capture people committing magical crimes. I have to make a new petition that defines these crimes and have them agreed to by the committee. But I will announce all of this to the circle myself. Hopefully they will see me as a neutral party. As for the lyrium, I am certain I can come to terms with Elthina." She explained going to the shelves searching for some documents.

"Why do I have the feeling that you have been expecting something like this all along?" Cullen raised an eyebrow.

"I'm married to a paranoid apostate. I have come except quite a bit. What will you do now Cullen?" She asked concerned turning towards him.

"I am at a lost. I am going to go to Orlais and see if I can make some sense out of this mess. After... well, only the Maker knows." He replied getting up.

"I have inquired if the templars in Orlais know anything of Anders. I hope they will be able to respond before I leave Kirkwall." He said softly, looking at her with concern.

She had always been so strong and so powerful in her own way. Always so ready to defend everyone, who she felt needed it. Brave enough to contradict Meredith and wise enough to do it without insults and petty bickering. She had been given so much power by events outside of her control and had lived up to them with a sense of obligation, honour and caring that was rarely seen. How she maintained all of her countenance as her husband was missing and presumed dead, was beyond him. Though, by the mention of her husband's name she faltered and grabbed onto a shelf to keep herself from falling.

"Thank you." She breathed not daring to meet his gaze.

"Maker watch over you." He replied before leaving the room.

* * *

He smiled as he observed her with a predatory gaze becoming a starving wolf, as she dried her dark short hair with a towel. The drops of water from her bath were caressing her petite frame. Hawke was certain that the Maker or Creator only created elves to torment human men. Or perhaps just Hawke personally. The cool air created goose bumps on her skin as she shivered. She turned to see him watching her with his bestial hunger and she blushed with a small giggle. Feeling another shiver upon her skin, she jumped under the covers of the bed and snuggled against the fabric.

"How dare you hide such beauty from me, you minx?!" Hawke accused with overly faked annoyance.

"By the creators! You would think you had never seen me naked before." She giggled, as she observed him with her large green eyes.

"You asked for it!" He growled and pounced the bed like a feral tiger.

Merrill giggled and submerged under the covers completely. He chased her under them, laughing as he did so. Chasing the nimble elf under the covers in the King size bed, was more difficult than it sounded. Crawling on all fours Hawke quickly found himself entangled in the sheet beyond rescue. He gave a growl of frustration and Merrill laughed. His head finally found a way out from under the covers and he looked at Merrill who was sitting up in bed, giggling and with tears of joy in her eyes. The glow coming from the fireplace behind her made her look molten and glowing. A beauty to which nothing else could be compared. Using a force spell he managed to blow of the covers and jump her. She squealed when his lips claimed hers with a vengeful hunger, as punishment for her teasing. He pushed her down onto the bed as the kissed softened. Her small delicate fingers ran into his long black as she moaned softly. He kissed her neck, as her hands travelled down his back. He then nibbled her earlobe to which she sighed with longing. Smiling, he momentarily looked up and his eyes caught the ambiance of the fire. He froze suddenly as a too familiar woman stood in the fire looking at him. Flemmeth's golden eyes watched him intently.

"Are you ready to leap?" Flemmeth asked with a smile that sent a chill down his spine.

And then she was gone. Hawke jumped of Merrill and bed looking into the fire, his hands raised as if ready for combat.

"By the dread wolf! What is the matter?" Merrill exclaimed looking at him with worried eyes.

"I thought I saw... I was so sure." Hawke muttered and walked towards the fire.

He tried to sense any magic coming from it, but found nothing at all. He remembered Sandal telling him he saw and old woman standing by his bed. Could it have been Flemmeth? He got this feeling that something was stirring beyond the mage rebellion. He almost jumped as he felt Merrill's hands on his shoulders and stroking his arms.

"What is bothering you?" She asked softly.

"I keep seeing Flemmeth... Do you know anything about her, except she is a powerful witch not to be trifled with?" He asked concerned.

"I'm afraid not. The tales of Ashabellanar was never very concrete. I'm sorry." She said with regret.

"Don't be my love. This rebellion combined with Anders being missing must be messing with my head." He tried to smile and kissed her temple.

"I miss him too." Merrill replied and leaned her head on his shoulder.

* * *

**-OOO- Ferelden -OOO-**

Elissa was in a cave underneath the dragonbone waste. It was damp and cold and last time she had been here was with Anders and Justice, killing the most hideous broodmother she had ever seen in her life. It was with a heavy heart Elissa saw Morrigan beginning to retreat into that mirror. An eluvianne.

"Will I see you again?" Elissa asked with true concern for her friend.

"Not if you are fortunate. Goodbye my friend." Morrigan replied with teary eyes and disappeared into the mirror.

Elissa turned to look back at the elf Arianne and the mage Finn accompanying her. "Hunt Flemmeth, if you hunt anyone." Morrigan had told her. Elissa had always had mixed feelings towards Morrigan's mother. Flemmeth had saved her and Alistair's lives long ago. She had sent Morrigan with them and given her the ritual that saved them both and made it possible for them to have Duncan. On the other hand Flemmeth had also intended possessing Morrigan's body. For that reason Elissa had killed Flemmeth before she got the opportunity to do so. Elissa had come to the conclusion that Flemmeth only did what was in her best interest. Nothing more and no less. So it was with a certain amount a hesitation that Elissa slowly approached the book Morrigan had left for her. She picked up the book and her blood ran cold as she read it.

"What does it say?" Finn asked with great curiosity.

"I have to leave **now**. There is no time to lose." Elissa exclaimed, grabbing the things Morrigan left for her and running toward the entrance of the cave.

* * *

**-OOO- Kirkwall two weeks later -OOO-**

Sleep was eluting her again. She kept turning and tossing and frequently ended on her back, looking up into the canopy of the bed. Leila had managed to calm down the mages and the templars who wanted to remain in the order had left Kirkwall. The templars remaining was either in the Chantry and under Thrask's supervision or in the guard. The templars left had been mage sympathizers and new laws were being suggested. Laws that should forbid the misuse and abuse of magic, but still allow mages their freedom. A more blurry concept than one would have initially anticipated. For the first time in nearly a thousand years, a city state in the Freemarches would have their own laws regarding mages and not simply relaying the ones of the Chantry. Knowing about the Viscountess' attitude towards magic, many mages had begun fleeing to the city. Soon the largest concentration of free mages outside Tevinter, would be housed in Kirkwall. Ferelden and Stakhaven remained loyal to the treaty made between them, so raging war on one of those would mean raging war on them all. Hopefully it would be enough to make the rogue templars pause, for a while at least.

She turned again in her bed for the hundred times that evening. She was so tired, but constantly restless. She considered going to the docks again. She had been watching the refugee mages entering the city hoping that either Anders or someone who knew him might be with them. Hawke and Varric had even made enquiries without her having to ask them to do so, but it revealed nothing. Maia, being so young, was still oblivious to anything amiss concerning her father. Toby on the other hand was getting very suspicious, but hadn't said anything. Leila was just grateful that the boy's collar had been attuned to Albert's magic in Anders' absence. A silent tear escaped her eye. She felt so alone. Even Ebony wasn't there, as he was sleeping with Toby in his room. She heard footsteps down the hall and the doorknob carefully turning. She reached under the pillow, where Anders usually was, and pulled forth a dagger. She lay completely still, holding the dagger firmly in her hand. Slowly she heard the door close and footsteps coming towards her. Feeling the weight on the bed shift, she sat up and grabbed the person's collar and put the knife against the throat. After a deep erratic breath the person gave a familiar chuckle.

"You really **have**become dangerous, love." He chuckled.

"Anders!" She exclaimed.

She dropped the knife and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He chuckled against her lips before returning the kiss eagerly. She crawled unto his lap and leaned into him so heavily that his back slowly made its way to the bed. At the impact with the bed he made a sound of discomfort.

"Ouch! Knife." He said reaching behind him and removing the dagger, while Leila chuckled.  
He leaned back down as she was still sitting on top of him. He looked into her eyes, praising the Maker that there was enough moonlight illuminating the room for him to see her. He stroked her cheek fondly and she leaned into his touch. Then suddenly she slapped him gently.

"Hey!" He objected feigning pain.

"You bastard! Have you any idea how worried I have been?" She said angrily.  
He sat up and embraced her tightly.

"I know. I'm sorry. There was no way of getting word back to Kirkwall, without exposing where all the mages were hiding. And there were some other circumstances as well. I promise I'll tell you everything. I love you, you know that right?" He asked stroking her hair looking into her eyes.

"I love you too." She smiled and kissed him softly.

"I have someone I want you to meet." He told her as he pulled away and gently made her move of his lap.

"Of course, I'll just get dressed." She replied and reached for her robe.

"There is no need." He replied as he lit a candle next to the bed.

Seeing him in the light Leila grabbed hold of his sleeve and pulled him down for another kiss. He sighed blissfully pulling away and kissed her forehead. Walking towards the door he stopped at one of the soft chairs and pulled something from a basket. Leila let a small gasp escape her as she saw him holding the bundle as if it was an infant. Anders walked towards her and sat down next on the bed. Carefully Leila reached out and lifted the blanket wrapped around the child. She smiled as she saw a beautiful little baby with strands of brown hair, no more than two months old and sleeping peacefully.

"This is Catherine or Cathy." Anders smiled looking down at the infant.

"Hello Cathy." She cooed stroking the baby's head fondly.

"Leila, her mother was one of the mages who died during the incident at the White Spire." Anders explained watching his wife. His eyes full of pain and heartbreak.

"And she has no one else." Leila stated with sadness.

"No, from what the other mages told me the father was likely a templar. It's a long story, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave her in Orlais. So I was hoping, since we already have Toby..." He began, but Leila hushed him and kissed him softly.

"Of course we can take her in. If we continue like this we might have adopted half the mages in Thedas." Leila chuckled.

"She might not be a mage, but at least we can give her a home." He smiled fondly and kissed Leila again.

Leila was about to ask him something, when they heard a dog howl and whine outside the door. Leila took Cathy from Anders' embrace just before the door opened and in came an excited Ebony bouncing along the floor. The dog ran towards Anders and placed his front paws in his lap before liking him and his tail wagging happily. Toby came in right after rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Ebony, get down you dumb mutt. Eww... I will never get use to slobbery affection." Anders groaned wiping his face.

"Father..." Toby said quietly, before smiling bright and running towards Anders and jumping into his laps.

Anders hugged him tightly and kissed the side of his head.

"They all said you had died, but I knew they were lying." Toby stated with certainty.

"I'm not easy to get rid of, besides I have three very good reasons to come back alive." Anders chuckled looking into the young elf's eyes as he pulled away.  
Ebony gave a bark in objection.

"Alright, four then." Anders smirked.

"Papa! Papa! Papa!" They heard a small voice say.

Turning their head towards Maia's room the little girl came running towards them, almost stepping on an unfortunate Ser Purrcival sleeping on the floor. Placing Toby next to him on the bed, Anders lifted Maia into his lap.

About an hour later both children had fallen asleep in the big bed and Anders softly tucked them in. He looked over at Leila who was carefully placing the infant in the basket, which was to serve as a bed for the child until they got out the crib in the morning. Anders walked over next to her, placed his hands at her waist and kissed her cheek lovingly.

"I missed you." He breathed.

"I missed you too. You know this might be the strangest souvenir I have ever gotten." She chuckled quietly looking at the little baby girl.

"I know it was a lot to ask, but if I had thought you would have objected to it I wouldn't have done it. Come let's go to bed. You look tired." He said softly taking her hand and pulling her towards the bed.

"So do you." She smiled softly.

Getting into bed with the children lying between them, Anders looked into Leila's kind green eyes and felt his heart flutter. How could she still manage to bring forth that sensation in him? He then looked at his children sleeping between them and for the first time there wasn't an ache following the happiness. What he had was now a premonition of what all other mages would one day have. What everyone had a right to. Placing his arm over both his children he closed his eyes trying to sleep. His smiled when he felt Leila's hand in his. Tomorrow he would explain everything, but tonight he was content just sleeping next to his family. And for once, so was Justice.


	92. Chapter 92 Children of the rebellion

**Children of the Rebellion**

Anders awoke abruptly with a hoarse grunt as the air was punched out of his lungs. On top of him was an overeager three year old bouncing up and down on his chest.

"Morning Papa." Maia giggled happily.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He replied with strangled breath lifting her off him.

"Maia! What did I tell you about waking people like that?" Leila scolded coming through the bedroom door, with Toby beside her.

"Sorry mommy." Maia replied a little ashamed.

Anders chuckled and kissed Maia's head, while poking her nose with a small amount of tickling electricity. Maia giggled and her mother's annoyance forgotten. Leila came towards him carrying a tray and his mouth was already watering, as his nose caught a whiff of bacon. Toby got over next to him and proudly held up a pitcher.

"I brought milk." He said with a bright smile.

"Thank you. Let me take that and get up under the covers." Anders smiled.

Toby did as he was told and jumped on unto the bed just before Leila put down the tray.

"Maker, that smells good!" Anders exclaimed and took a large bite of some toast.

"I figured you needed a decent meal. I'm guessing you haven't had one in a while." Leila smiled softly as she sat down.

She smiled at the children already digging into their breakfast and Anders preventing Maia from smearing jelly all over the bed.

"I haven't. And I missed the company too." He replied and leaned over to kiss her.

"Where were you, Papa?" Maia asked with far too much concern for a three year old.

"Yes, father. Did you kill darkspawn?" Toby said with excitement.

Anders scowled a little at Toby.

"One of these days I might show you a darkspawn just so you realise not to glorify them." Anders began and then sighed. How was he going to explain this?

"Remember I told you that I was going to talk to some people, to prevent bad men from taking children?" He asked and both children nodded.

"Well, these men and the people I talked to didn't agree. So they ended up fighting." He continued.

"Did they scold you?" Maia asked a little fearful and Anders chuckled.

"Yes, they did. A lot. We had to run away from the bad men and hide before we could come home. Do you understand?" He asked softly.

"So they wouldn't scold us too." Toby concluded.

"Yes." Anders said a little solemnly and stroked Toby's hair.

Leila walked over and got Cathy, before walking back to the bed and began to bottle feed the infant. Maia sat on her knees watching the baby with great interest. Toby looked sad and didn't look at the baby at all. Anders noticed it and smiled sadly. He had expected this. He put a hand on Toby's shoulder and looked at him.

"No one is going to replace you or make us love you less." He said firmly.

"But I am just an elf. No one should care about me." Toby replied sadly not meeting Anders' gaze.

Justice simmered inside him. It was not right to make the boy feel unwelcome because he was an elf. The boy was only seven and already the prejudice of humanity had been branded into his mind. Probably not helped by the servants and nobles at the keep. Leila looked at Anders helplessly and he felt it too. He then smiled pulled Toby into his embrace and began tickling him.

"Father stop!" The boy laughed.

"I don't think so. You talked badly about my son and I demand justice." Anders chuckled and kept tickling him.

"I yield!" Toby cried with laughter and Anders relented.

He pulled Toby into his chest, the boy leaning against it with his back.

"Don't ever believe you are worth any less because you are an elf or mage. You should be proud of everything you are, just as your mother and I am." Anders said seriously and the boy nodded.

After breakfast Albert came to teach Toby. Anders was to take over the teaching again of course, but he and Leila needed to talk. A servant watched Maia, while Anders and Leila walked into the study. Anders carried Cathy and softly made her fall asleep in his arms.

"So what happened?" Leila asked with great curiosity.

"Well, it all began the night of the conclave. Fiona and I were making a case for the mages pulling away from the Chantry and Wynne was making a case for the opposite. It was an ongoing debate and with Justice close to the surface I can't even remember half of what was said. What I do remember was that they found a way to reverse tranquillity and one tranquil was brought back. The Divine then decided that he should be made tranquil again." Anders sneered.

"That's horrible! How could she!" Leila gasped with tears in her eyes.

"She was trying to temper the Lord Seeker I think, but she is not as bad as you might think. In the middle of the conclave the Lord Seeker barged in saying that the tranquil had been killed. He then accused Wynne's son, Rhys, of the murder and demanded him executed. That was when even Wynne joined us and everything turned into chaos. The mages and templars started fighting inside that hall. I can't even say how many were killed, but some of us got away. That was when things got complicated..."

* * *

He was running through the dark tunnels beneath the spire. The dungeons were dark and navigating them was near impossible. The air was humid, but even so dust and dirt got thrown into the air as they ran making breathing unbearable. Of course having a spirit of Justice in your head, wanting to return and fight instead of running, while hearing the scream of all the mages that had been tormented in these halls long ago, didn't make thing easier. He turned to see if everyone was keeping up. He had no idea why he did since he had no idea of what the exact number was and not even a chance of recognizing any of them. This was... horrible. Much worse than he had ever imagined. He suddenly felt like a little boy who had been dreaming of a glorious battle and the righteousness in defending the oppressed. Not unlike his son at home, who would dream of Grey Wardens and see nothing beyond glory and griffons. Even Justice seemed a little rattle, even as his lust for vengeance was impairing his judgement. In the fade nothing was this... final. Death was a concept that made the spirit feel disquiet. Even the spirit knew so little of what happened after people took their last breath. The one he knew who had the best understanding of it was Leila and she spoke of it rarely.

At the back of the group he saw a woman struggling. And no wonder for from what Anders could see she was pregnant and if not full term then very close. He ran towards her and put one of her arms around his neck, helping her to move more quickly. Between ragged breaths she thanked him. They hurried down the corridors and Anders felt guilty. How many mages were they leaving behind? He knew that Wynne's son Rhys was among them. Poor bastard. Anders could only imagine what they were doing to him. No, that wasn't true. He knew what they would do to him. He just didn't want to think about it. His blood started to burn with anger and fear made his heart pump faster, when faint lights from torches could be seen behind them and the sound of iron boots running echoed in the gloomy tunnels.

"_We have to fight! I will have every last one of them for these atrocities!_" Justice roared in his mind.

"No Justice! **Please!**" Anders begged out loud and the woman beside him gave him strange look.

As the templars emerged Anders was already at the mercy of Justice, who placed himself between the mages and templars. The mages gasped, but at this moment it was the templars they feared the most.

"Demon!" One of the templars cried.

"Steady men!" The leader ordered.

Justice felt the lust for vengeance curse through him, like fire embracing every muscle in his body. It was a burning sensation like acid running through him and let him to give out a feral war cry. One empowered partly of pain and part hate.

"I am no demon! I am a spirit of justice and I will see these people avenged!" The spirit roared with a volume that made the fragile walls vibrate.

Dust falling all around them and the templars was caught between the fear of the spirit before them and the tunnels collapsing upon them. They hesitated. Had Anders been in control he would have recognized the hesitation and spared them. But Justice no longer recognized such mercy. It was not that the spirit was incapable of it, but he had forgotten it what cases to use it. And without Hawke or Leila there to remind him, he was lost in the dark. With a feral hate Justice conjured a paralyzing glyph, larger than any Anders had ever believed himself capable of. Most of the templars locked in place he send a fireball at them. They screamed and you could hear the simmering sound of their flesh melting. Metal melting and burning into their flesh as their skirts caught on fire. This made vengeance spread like a disease into the remaining templars. As if Justice was carrying a taint that corrupted and infected them. As they charged the other mages fought beside Justice, taking down one templar at a time. So empowered by his bloodlust, Justice did not notice the pregnant woman was hit by smite and a templar forced his sword through her shoulder, as another severed an artery on her leg. As she cried in agony Justice turned and with his bare hands tore the templars apart. The blood of the last templar sprayed into his mouth, with a taste as sweet as wine and Justice retreated.  
Unaware of what had happened Anders fell into the wall, trying to support himself. With no recollection he looked around at the massacre he had created. His blood ran cold and his stomach turned, as tears flooded his eyes.

"Anders..." One of the mages called.

He turned and saw a mage trying to contain the bleeding of the pregnant woman. Anders' heart was struck by fear and he quickly moved to the woman's side. He wanted to heal her, but he had no mana left. Justice had used all of his reserves. Anders tore pieces of his cloak and used it as bandage.

"What is your name?" he asked softly.

" Catherine..." She replied with a pained voice.

"Catherine, we are going to get you out of here and you are going to be alright, but I need you to be strong." He said with a soft smile.

She nodded and he helped her to her feet. They hurried out of the tunnels as fast as they could, when Anders began to really fear for Catherine. About to drift out of consciousness, he forced her to keep talking.

"All, we need now is for my water to break. That will make the day complete." She joked.

"Don't even joke about such things." Anders chuckled.

"Don't take away my fun. You have no idea how much effort it takes to be carrying around another person." She replied with a grin.

"I guess you didn't see my party trick back there." Anders smirked.

"Alright point tak..." She almost collapsed, but Anders held her.

"No, don't you dare." Anders said with concern in his voice.

"Typical. You become wardens and suddenly you start bossing people around." She tried to joke, but then winched in pain.

Anders lifted her completely, as they made the last part of the journey. They emerged outside the woods and luckily one of the mages knew of a cave nearby. Hopefully the templars would be too occupied and the mages scattered in too many direction for them to pursuit them in earnest. Anders placed Catherine on the ground and tried to heal her, but his mana was not replenished yet.

"Does anyone have a mana potion?" He asked desperately, but all shook their head.

He looked down at Catherine, who was becoming paler by the minute. The look she gave him almost broke his heart. She was resigned to her fate. Accepting that she would die.

"I will heal you, just hold on a little longer." Anders said a little desperately.

"Tell me of your wife." She requested meekly with a smile.

Anders placed her head in his lap and pulled of his cloak and covered her with it.

"She is kind, wise, beautiful... infuriatingly logical. She risks everything for everyone else and makes personal sacrifices, with no hope of ever being repaid. She helps and gives, but never makes anyone feel indebted to her. She seems so vulnerable, but she is the bravest person I know." Anders began to explain.

"She sounds like a good person... You love her very much." Catherine stated.

"She is." He replied once again trying to heal her but in vain.

"Do you... have... any children?" She asked placing a hand on her stomach.

"We have a daughter, who is three and we adopted a boy almost a year ago. He is a mage and an elf, so all the nobles in Kirkwall was in uproar. But Leila didn't care." He chuckled, as a tear fell from his eye.

"I'm sorry I won't see mine... but I'm glad it's... over." She breathed and she was gone.  
Anders held back a cry of anger and pain, before reaching for the dagger in his belt. One of the mages had started a fire and quickly Anders went to it and cleansed the dagger in the fire. He then ran back to Catherine's body and ripped her robes open.

"Do you know what you are doing?" One of the mages questioned.

"I have delivered more children than any of you have seen put together... twice over." Anders hissed.

He cut open the womb and gently pulled the girl from her mother. Anders gave a sigh of relief when the baby cried.

"You can't keep that baby here! It will expose us!" One of the mages exclaimed fearfully.  
Anders turned to look at the mage with a scowl that flared with Justice's energy. But as much as Anders hated to admit it, the mage was right. He took the baby and left into the night.

* * *

He knocked on the door and begged that there was someone home. To his relief he saw a candle move pasted the window and the door opened. The dwarf looked up at him with surprise.

"Master Anders! Come in quickly." Bodahn urged and dragged him by the sleeve.

"We heard what happened at the spire. Thank the ancestors that you are alright. Mistress Leila will be sick with worry." Bodahn said with worry.

"I know. I am sorry to impose on you and endanger you like this, but there was... extenuating circumstances." Anders explained and pulled aside his cloak and revealed the little girl.

"By the paragons. What happened to you, little one?" Bodahn said fondly.

"Her mother died. There was nothing I could do, but with all the mess with the mages I didn't know what to do with her." Anders explained.

"I understand. Don't worry messere, she will be safe with us." Bodahn replied reaching for the infant.

"Thank you." Anders breathed with relief.

"Don't mention it. Now you be careful. I wouldn't like to explain to Master Hawke and Mistress Leila why I was the last person to see you alive." Bodahn said concern.

"I will. With any luck I will be back for her. If more than two months passes send her to Leila. She will make sure the girl is taken care of." Anders smiled.

* * *

Leila looked at Cathy sleeping peacefully in Anders' arm as he sat in the soft chair, telling the story.

"That was horrible. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help." Leila said softly sitting down next to him on the floor.

"Don't be. It was a comfort for me to know you were here and safe." He smiled as stroked her hair lovingly with his free hand.

"What happened then?"

"Well, I went back to the other mages and in the meantime the Divine had decided to aid the last mages trapped. A large group of us broke back in the circle tower and manage to free the last of the mages. From what I heard Wynne and a female templar, who had turned on her order, destroyed all the phylacteries. We all then fled the capital and a month later we all met at some ruins in the outskirts of Orlais. We had another conclave and voted whether or not to rebel. Thankfully the majority agreed to fight. I then snuck into the capital to get Cathy and made my way home." Anders replied and Leila kissed him.

"Was Wynne very disappointed?" Leila asked with compassion.

"Love... she died. During the second escape from the tower." Anders said with a pained expression.

Silent tears fell from Leila's eyes as she leaned into him, burrowing her face in his thigh. Wynne had been there for her the entire year Anders was gone. And though they didn't always agree Leila had become very fond of her.

After half an hour Anders stood up and placed Cathy in the crib. Maia was outside playing and Anders enjoyed just having time with his wife. Leila was looking down into the garden, observing their daughter playing. Anders stood the in the doorway between the bedroom and nursery and watched her. She looked so sad, even with a faint smile on her face. His thoughts were disrupted as a servant brought in some lunch and placed it on the table. Indulging himself with an appetite only becoming a warden, he first didn't realise that Leila wasn't eating anything and was still standing at the window.

"Love, you should eat something." He encouraged.

She turned and for a moment her stare was vacant until she realised what he had said. She smiled softly and sat down next to him. He stroked her back and noticed she looked at little pale.

"Talk to me. Tell what is bothering you, my love." He said softly.

"It's nothing. I just haven't had much of an appetite lately. I thought it was because you were gone, but I think it isn't over yet." She smiled softly.

"Well, I'm going to have a look at you just the same." He smiled.

He let his healing hands roam over her on occasion touching her in an amorous fashion that made her giggle lightly. He then froze.

"What is it?" Leila asked with concern as his face got worried.

"Sit still." He hissed, but she didn't take offense.

He frowned and pulled back, before rubbing his face. He then stood up and began pacing, while he was deeply concentrated. Leila was getting more and more nervous, but she knew better than to interrupt him, even as her patience was wearing thin. He then suddenly smiled leaning his head back.

"Of course! Avernasssus!" He chuckled.

"Anders, what the hell is going on?" She asked insistently.

He smiled as he walked over to her and kneeled in front of her.

"You, my love, are pregnant." He grinned.

Leila gasped covering her mouth with one hand and placing the other on her stomach.

"That night, when you took that potion! She gasped.

He nodded and pulled her close for a bruising kiss, as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

* * *

Anders was standing on the balcony overlooking the garden and observing the stars. Inside sat the entire group of Hawke's band of misfits and his family. But with all the commotion recently he needed just a little peace and quiet. He heard the door open, but didn't turn.

"Contemplating the meaning of life and fate of mages again?" He heard Hawke ask, as he walked up next to him.

"You know me too well." Anders smirked.

"Let me guess. My brother in crime is contemplating how much he loves his family, while Justice whispers for him to take up arms and storm Val Royeaux. And now you are in the dilemma of what to do." Hawke stated leaning against the railing crossing his arms.

Anders turned to face him, leaning on arm on the railing for support. He looked at his friend with a raised eyebrow.

"You really do know me." Anders stated a little surprised and Hawke chuckled.  
Hawke then looked at him seriously.

"Anders, don't leave. You have helped start the rebellion and the world is about to change. But after this is over we need to rebuild. You can do that through your children and by helping Leila build a safe haven for mages in Kirkwall. You can support them better that way, than you ever could out there. And we both know that if something where to happen to your family and you weren't here, you would never forgive yourself. And no amount of templar slaying would ever be able to justify it. Listen to someone who knows. It's not worth it." Hawke said seriously.

"_He is right... We can help bring justice to the mages from here. This could be our fortification. That is something the mages will have nowhere else... and it would be an injustice to leave the little ones._" Justice stated.

Anders smiled. It was a long time since the spirit had last thought any of Hawke's advice worth taking. And then Anders felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

"Thank you. You are the best friend I have ever had." Anders said fondly.

"Not to mention a pain in the ass of an adopted little brother." Hawke chuckled.

"Yes, I am beginning to understand why Carver is so grouchy." Anders teased and Hawke just laughed good naturedly.

"Leila is pregnant." Anders then smiled and Hawke's eyes grew wide.

"That's wonderful! Let us go inside and celebrate!" Hawke exclaimed happily and dragged Anders back inside.

* * *

_Author's note: I am trying to make the last chapters less unhappy, as the last part of the story have been very trying for our characters. I hope you enjoyed it and don't find them too sweet._


	93. Chapter 93 Where heroes are needed

**Where heroes are needed**

Hawke was tossing and turning. No matter how much he tried he couldn't fall asleep. His heart kept beating hard and he had this twisting sensation in his gut. It was stress and anxiety, but he had no idea why he felt it. Something just wasn't right and he couldn't shake that feeling even for a minute. He considered just getting out of bed, but as he turned he was mesmerized by Merrill's sweet face. She was sleeping so peacefully beside him. She was so beautiful and gentle and he loved her with all of his being. Softly he reached for her, lovingly letting his fingers trace the tattoos on her face. He wondered, if they had children and they came of age, would Merrill want them to have Dalish tattoos like that? If they ever did. He wanted them, he knew that. After seeing Anders with his three children he was absolutely sure.

Anders was so much like his father and even though Hawke was a more honoured mage than Anders, he would always look up to him. Hawke was the Champion of Kirkwall, but to him Anders was the Champion of all mages. Anders had once said that Hawke should be their leader, just as he was to their band of misfits. Hawke wondered why. Anders was more than capable of taking that role himself, but of course Justice made him hesitate. Everything Anders did after Justice was a calculated risk on the behalf of others. Especially after he almost killed Ella in the Gallows. With the exception of Leila of course. With her Anders just couldn't help himself and thank the Creators and Maker for that.

So long had Anders followed people around, who were considered heroes. But the year Anders was alone, fighting an evil Hawke still knew nothing of, he had saved Thedas from a terrible fate. An achievement no one outside the wardens knew of. The wardens had even send him an honouree letter, something the very rarely did. Anders had changed things for mages in Kirkwall alongside his wife, not needing the Hero of Ferelden or Champion of Kirkwall. He had travelled to Orlais and advocated for mage freedom and determined not to rest until all his fellow mages were allowed to have what he did. Knowingly or not Anders had become a hero in his own right, even if this was only acknowledge by his children. But Anders needed nor wanted any fancy title, medal or statue. In Hawke's eyes Anders was an inspiration to them all.

Merrill stirred and still asleep she snuggled up against him. Softly he pressed his lips against her temple. He wanted to marry her and he had spent the last few weeks trying to find out how marriage proposals were done among the Dalish. He was more than disappointed, when he found out that the marriages are usually arranged. Exchanges of clan members, to bring new blood into the clans. Hawke chuckled. Well he would certainly be bringing the new blood, he was pretty sure it wasn't what the Dalish had in mind however. Now he had decided to talk to Varric and Anders in the morning. They had to have some ideas about how to do it. He pulled her even closer and burrowed his nose in her hair taking in her scent. A breathy chuckle escaped him. The soap she had used for her bath smelled of daisies.

He was finally about to dose of, when Ziggy started barking like mad. He was so startled that he sat up abruptly in bed, waking Merrill who gave a yelp of surprise. He then heard heavy knocking on the door down stairs. Hawke looked at Merrill, neither of them sure about what was going on. He swung his legs out of bed and reached for his robe. He was on his way to the bedroom door, when it knocked and Orana opened.

"I'm sorry Master, but there is a woman down stairs. She says it is very important." Orana said with an apologetic look.

"Thank you, Orana. I'll be right there." Hawke replied.

He walked down stairs and saw a cloaked figure standing by the fire. When she turned and he saw her blonde hair he recognized her immediately.

"Queen Elissa. Forgive me, but what in the Makers name are you doing here in the middle of the night?" Hawke asked astonished.

The look she gave him chilled him to the bone. Normally she was a carefree spirit, who bordered on silly (like himself), but there was not a hint of joy about her.

"I know. I'm sorry, but it cannot be delayed. I heard a rumour that you have once had dealings with the witch called Flemmeth?" Elissa began and walked over to his desk.

"Yes, but that was years ago. During the blight." He replied.

"Well, have a look at this and tell me what you think?" She asked and gestured him to come closer.

Hawke walked over to the desk and began reading the page of the book Elissa had turned too. Fear grasped his heart.

"Is the woman insane?!" He barked picking up the book and reading the page over and over.

"What is the matter?" Merrill's sweet voice sounded from the stairs.

"May I?" Hawke asked Elissa and she nodded.

"Take a look at this, my love." Hawke replied and handed her the book.

The more Merrill read the more pale she became. She brought a hand to her lips.

"Ma Vehnan! What do we do?" She asked looking at Hawke.

"I intend to go after her, but I can't do it alone and Alistair has a Kingdom to rule." Elissa explained.

"Then I will come with you. Merrill, my love, will you join us?" He asked hesitantly.

"I would follow anywhere." Merrill replied lovingly and he kissed her softly.

"We need to get packing then and I have a few things I need to arrange. We can leave in three hours." Hawke stated looking at Elissa.

Elissa gave a huge sigh of relief and smiled softly before nodding.

* * *

**-OOO- Later -OOO-**

Anders awoke abruptly as he could feel the taint within him singing. It was not strong enough to be darkspawn, which meant it was a warden. His fists tightened in annoyance. He was not going back with them, not again. First Warden Isaak had promised he was free now. Leila looked up at him with tired eyes.

"Another nightmare?" She asked softly stroking his chest.

"No, it was..." He began, but was interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

Anders and Leila exchanged glances before they both reached for their robes and got up. Anders could feel the call of the taint getting stronger. He walked to the door and opened only to be surprised by Hawke, Merrill and Elissa. He would have jested, but he could tell from their faces it would not be welcomed.

"Well, this is unexpected. Come in." Anders said and opened the door.

"Thank you." Elissa smiled and gave him a short hug before she greeted Leila warmly.

Anders noticed Merrill had tears in her eyes as she walked over to hug Leila as well.

"What is going on?" Leila asked concerned.

"We have to leave Kirkwall tonight and we don't know when we will be coming back." Hawke informed them.

"What has happened?" Leila asked with concern.

Anders walked over to Leila and wrapped an arm around her waist. Elissa took a deep breath and began explaining.

"When you visited me, you'll remember I left rather suddenly to track down a friend of mine called Morrigan. Her mother is Flemmeth, the witch of the wilds. When I tracked down Morrigan she told me that Flemmeth had terrible plans and left me the information she had found. I can't go into detail and I know so little, but what I do know is that Flemmeth is planning on transforming humans and elves." Elissa began.

"There are stories that said that all elvahn used to have the gift of magic. From what that book says, Flemmeth intends to bring that back. Not only to elves, but humans and Qunari as well." Merrill continued.

"So everyone, beside dwarves would become mages. Surely that would actually fix a lot of problems. Templars and mages wouldn't have to fight, since they were all the same." Leila said hesitantly looking at Anders, whose expression was grim.

"You'd think, if it wasn't for the fact that Flemmeth mentions briefly that it will somehow aid her to become more powerful." Hawke replied.

"That would be bad." Leila sighed. "What is this woman anyway?" She then asked.

"There are many theories, but if you ask me she is one of the Old Gods." Elissa replied.

"And the Old Gods used to be worshipped by mages, making them stronger." Leila replied with understanding.

"That's just bloody great!" Anders exclaimed.

"We need to know what she is up to and stop her if we can." Hawke replied.

"Of course." Leila nodded.

Anders hesitated for a moment, but it was enough for them all to look at him.

"What is it Anders?" Merrill asked.

Anders looked at Elissa briefly and took a deep breath.

"You didn't hear this from me, but in Nevarra there was a cult working with the lost soul of Coryphaeus. They tried to turn ordinary people into mages. The results were... horrifying. You might want to start your search there and I am sure you, Elissa, can get the rest of the information from the wardens at Wiesshaupt." Anders explained.

"Show me where this was." Elissa insisted kindly.

Anders nodded and made her follow him to the study. He took out a map and marked all the locations he found of interest on his journey.

Hawke turned to Leila.

"I was wondering if you could take in Orana and Merrill's cat until we come back."

"Of course. I will miss you so much." Leila smiled and hugged him tightly.

"And I you." He smiled.

Leila then hugged Merrill, whose eyes were filled with tears. When she pulled away Merrill placed a hand on Leila's stomach and let a small healing spell emanate.

"It's a boy." Merrill smiled.

"Karl." Leila smiled softly and Hawke and Merrill nodded with understanding.

Anders and Elissa came back from the study and Anders gave her a long hug. Hawke looked at Anders.

"I need a word with you before we leave." Hawke gestured to the study.

Anders followed Hawke and Inside Hawke took his hand and pressed a small glass vial into his hand. Anders lifted it to see it was filled with blood.

"This is a phylactery. You made your own phylactery? Are you crazy?" Anders asked horrified and continued without giving Hawke the opportunity to answer.

"With the war going on, do you know what could happen if the templars get hold of this?" Anders scolded.

"They won't know it's mine and I trust you with it. I wanted you to have it in case something happens and you need to find me. And stop worrying. I'm a grown man. Beard, chest hair and everything." Hawke chuckled.

Anders smiled at him and pulled him in for a hug.

"I'll be careful with it." He promised.

" I know and Anders?" Hawke said pulling away and looked seriously at Anders.

"Yes?"

"Take better care of your family than I did mine. Protect them."

"I promise." Anders replied and hugged him again.

* * *

Outside the keep, Leila stood leaning against Anders, his arms wrapped around her. In the distance they saw their friends vanish, leaving behind an emptiness that would not be filled until they returned. For a moment Leila felt as she did when her mother and Leandra died. A hopeless situation you would do anything to change, but it was not within your power to do so. Some things could never be changed, some wrongs never be righted. No matter how much we wish for people to remain with us forever, we cannot stop change. Hawke learned it the hard way, when he tried to bring back Bethany and instead was left with a frightened soul, lost in a world she knew nothing of. Leila smiled as Anders pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

"They will be back." He assured her, while stroking her back.

"I know... but I also get the feeling it is going to take many years." She replied sadly.

"Well, I am not going anywhere. Not templars or wardens can drag me away." He smiled.

Leila gave a sigh of dramatics.

"Then I will just have to lock you up, to keep them off you." She teased.

"Sweetheart, I'm not letting anyone lock me up. You included." He chuckled.

She smiled up at him and slowly he bend his head and claimed her lips in a soft, loving kiss.


	94. Chapter 94 Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**_Author's note: This is a double update, just so you don't miss the previous chapter._**

* * *

Three years since Hawke, Merrill and Elissa left and Kirkwall had changed drastically. The only city where the templars were no longer present had become a home to many mages. The rogue templars of course referred to it being a new Tevinter Imperium and claimed that the city was once again nothing more than a breeding ground for maleficar. In reality it was a city trying to rebuild after years of hardship. After Coryphaeus was removed from the Wimmark mountains the veil had become less thin and trouble seemed less. Claiming that the city was a safe haven for blood mages was a lie. After the templar order had left, some former templars had remained in the city. These were now under control of the city guard. Those templars and mages had formed a unit within the guard with the purpose of catching criminal mages. These mages were imprisoned and rumours were that a collar was used to contain them for the duration of their sentence. As mages kept coming to the city, there were those who moved away, but most regular citizens and nobles remained.

The old Tevinter statues had been torn down all over the city and the material reused to improve living conditions in Lowtown and the Alienage. The Gallows was now used as an actual prison and what had once been the circle of magi was now housed within the city itself. Albert had made it a school for the mages residing in Kirkwall and every newcomer was to report to him. There were rumours of the children wearing collars to identify them as mages, but the Viscountess refused to relay any information to what the purpose of them was.

The hospital was greatly helping the poor in the city and giving a lot of mages a purpose. Thanks to the administrator, the healer Anders, this was part of the reason to why the city was flourishing.

Kirkwall was not without its troubles. Now being known as an entire city that supported the mages, attacks were frequently planned on the city and there had even been a few attempts. The alliance with Stark Haven and Ferelden made this more difficult. Especially now, when the templars were no longer united under the Chantry. Still a lot of templar groups and their supporters tried to infiltrate the city, but so far without any success. But with a loyal guard and an army of mages growing each day, the city was soon rumoured to be impregnable. No doubt thanks to the stories of a certain Varric Tethras.

The Kirkwall Chantry had now lost all its political influence and was now a spiritual retreat. The Grand Cleric Elthina has been transferred to Stark Haven shortly after the mages rebelled and a new Grand Cleric had been chosen. There were rumours that the Divine would seek refuge in the city from time to time and the few templars and seekers who still remained loyal to her holiness, were allowed within the city. Though the rarely came, as not all mages were as diplomatic as one could hope.

As for Hawke and his companions, they were now somewhat spread out. Hawke and Merrill had of course left with The Hero of Ferelden and almost nothing was known about their whereabouts. Isabella and Fenris had left shortly after on her ship. Sebastian was ruling Stark Haven and though he and Leila had many political differences their alliance remained strong. It was rumoured that he was soon to marry a Flora Harrimann. Varric was still living at the Hanged Man, sharing stories with anyone who cared to listen and was of course the Viscountess' eyes and ears of the underworld. Aveline and Donnic had started a family and helped to keep the city safe in the turbulent times. Aveline's fairness of mind, was one of the reasons that not all believed Kirkwall to have become a new Tevinter. "The laws of the land. Fairly applied to everyone." Was what was associated with the Guard Captain and greatly supported by the Viscountess. Albert found his elven love that had been made tranquil and managed to reverse the right. They now searched for their son, but with Thedas in such disarray the task was difficult.

Leila and Anders had tried to build a normal life for themselves. As normal as their positions would allow. Anders known as a hero among his fellow mages and notorious among the templars, gave him a fair deal more of attention than he would like. Leila known as not only a mage sympathizer, but an actual supporter, gave her unwanted attention from the templars. Thankfully her and Anders was known as people who were almost untouchable, as many claimed that the city itself would riot should any harm befall either of them. They did before after all. Leila speculated that some of this was probably Varric's doing.

Anders was known as the mage who united his people and so from Kirkwall he helped the rebellion to the best of his ability. Giving them refuge and was secretly a member of an underground that planned strategic attacks against the templars. In private Anders was as devoted a father and husband as he ever was. He taught his two eldest children magic himself and took great enjoyment in spending time with his family. Now doing something actively to help the mages and knowing it was working, Justice rarely made his presence known.

Leila did her best to maintain control over the city and succeeded in keeping peace so far. The times ahead would be long and everything would take time. Her and Anders' lives were challenging, but in spite of it they were happy.

Leila was sitting in her office, when it knocked on the door.

"Enter." She said loudly.

In the door came a woman in a black seeker armour and short black hair. Leila smiled. She knew exactly who this woman was, though she had not been expecting her.

"Your grace, my name is Cassandra Pentagast, Seeker of the Chantry." She introduced herself in a thick Orlisian accent.

"Viscountess Leila Amell. I believe you had a, shall we say "meeting", with my friend Varric Tethras yesterday." Leila said eyeing her closely.

"I needed information, but my measures may have been a little drastic." She replied humbly.

"Drastic? You kidnap him and keep him hostage for several hours. Not to mention the fact that you did not inform the Viscountess' office you were coming, despite my agreement with her Holiness." Leila said sternly.

"Yes, I apologize, but these are dire times. We do not always act rationally." Cassandra replied.

"Indeed we do not. Varric told me you wanted to hear the Champions story and that you were looking for my cousin. What brings you to me?" Leila asked.

"I am trying to prevent this war from going any further, so that we might prevent more death. If you know where the Champion is, he could talk to the mages and calm them. I know you have tried, but I hoped they might be inclined to listen to another mage." Cassandra said with emotion.

"Not to mention my husband making it difficult for me to achieve it... You must believe me, when I say I desire nothing more than peace, but I simply do not know where he is. I'm sorry. If there is anything else I can do, please come to me, but I cannot offer compromise to those who do not believe in it." Leila said with regret.

"I understand... Thank you for your time. May the Maker watch over you." Cassandra replied before walking out the room.

Leila got up from her desk and walked into the private section of the keep. She looked out into the garden, where Anders and their children were sitting in the sun. Leila looked at Anders as he trained both Toby and Maia, while Karl and Cathy were playing on the ground. Nothing could have prepared her for everything that had happened during these eight years. She remembered the first time she had realised she was in Thedas. How frightened she was and how sweet and caring Anders had been. Earth seemed but a distant memory. Another life. She had been alone in a strange world and had nothing. But during the years she had found love, become a queen of sorts, helped trying to free a subjugated people, who had in turn started a war to gain complete freedom. She hoped the world would be better for it. She hoped that the cost of lives would be worth it.

* * *

**-OOO- Many years later -OOO-**

He was walking back and forth. Impatient, sad and exited all at once. He looked up as the scenery changed. The lakes in the Wildervales.

"I thought it would be appropriate." He heard Justice say.

He turned and looked at him.

"Justice I missed her so much. It is not the same being here and watch over her, as it is having her by my side." Anders said with his voice full of anxiety.

"I know, but she will come. It has been far longer for her than it has for you." Justice reminded him.

"I know... Leila..." He breathed.

He turned as he felt her presence and through the fade she appeared with Death at her side. She looked old and fragile, the sickness that had long plagued her evident on her spirit form. He smiled as he ran towards her. He gathered her in his arms and swung her around. As he did this her body became young and the withered look disappeared. Justice kept his distance looking at the spirits of two people who have thought him love. He owed them so much. Death walked over to him and looked down at him.

"Are you sure about this Justice?" Death asked seriously.

"Yes." He replied simply.

Leila looked over at him as Anders released her from his embrace. She watched him closely not quite recognizing this form of his. Suddenly understanding seemed to cross her face and she ran over to embrace him. Anders chuckled and walked over next to her. She pulled away and looked at the spirit with a bright smile.

"I missed you, Justice." She said fondly.

"I missed you as well." The spirit confessed.

"It is time Justice." Death said seriously.

"Time for what?" Anders asked confused.

Justice bowed his head and his energy began flowing from him. White energy travelled through the fade and surrounded Anders. His spiritual form began to glow and he looked as he did as a young man. His robes turned white, as did the feathers on his pouldrons. Anders looked down at himself and then up at Death and Justice. Before he could ask, Leila began to glow as well. A golden light surrounded her forming markings on her spiritual body. Not the harsh cracks that had formed on Justice, but a soft delicate pattern of rounded strings, that looked like they had been painted on with glowing gold. Her hair was loosened as her entire body began to glow. Her clothes turned in to a long white dress that looked light and soft. Anders and Leila looked at each uncertain of what was happening.

"Join our ranks as protectors of the mortal soul. Anders, Forbearance a spirit of Fortitude and Leila, Empathy a spirit of Compassion." Death said in a ceremonial way.

"I don't understand. I was supposed to..." Leila began.

"I have a penance to serve. We will meet again one day." Justice replied.

"Justice... what did you do?" Anders asked deeply concerned.

"Justice will serve the lives meant for your souls." Death explained.

Before they could object Justice and Death vanished from the fade, leaving Anders and Leila behind to begin eternity.

* * *

**-OOO- Centuries later -OOO-**

A mother was tucking her young daughter into bed, after reading her a story. She kissed her forehead before getting up.

"Mama, I'm afraid to sleep." The girl objected.

"Oh, my dear heart. There is nothing to be afraid of." Her mother smiled softly.

"But what if the demons come for me? I heard the older children in the circle say that the demons come for us as we sleep." The girl whimpered.

The mother sat back down and her hand momentarily rested on the collar her child's neck.

"There are cruel creatures in the fade, but there are also kind ones." She smiled softly.

"Like who?" The girl asked with curiosity.

"In the fade there are many spirits. Some of Faith and others of Valour and Justice. There two spirits in particular, who travel together. One of Compassion and the other of Fortitude. These two spirits travel the fade and watch over every mage blooded child and shield them from demons as they sleep." She explained and the little girl smiled.

"Why do they do that, mama?" The girl asked.

"They do it out of goodness of their hearts." She smiled softly.

"Do you think they are in love?" The girl asked dreamingly and her mother chuckled.

"I think so yes. Goodnight dear heart." The mother said softly, kissing her forehead again before sending her daughter blissfully into the fade.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_This was the end of The Cost of Life. I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you so much for all you support and comments. It has meant a lot to me._

_For those who are Anders obsessives (like me) You might notice that the spirits mentioned in the epilogue. The once the transform into, are the same ones Anders mentions in the game when he first tells you about Justice: Fortitude, Compassion and Justice.  
_

_For those of you who are interested, I am writing a new story about a female mage Hawke and Anders. It is called "Do no harm" and I have just uploaded the first chapter. For those who do, please review it. I have never written a character like that particular Hawke before. I would like to know how I did.  
_

_Again thank you for making every step of writing this story a true enjoyment for me._

_Cowoline  
_


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